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1
00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:04,372
Boys, I found the beer
you hid in the garage.
2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,473
After all our talks
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,076
about drinking,
you still think it's cool?
4
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,544
Well, it's not.
Now, sit down and watch.
5
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,181
Look at me.
6
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,748
I'm Mr. Cool.
7
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,417
Mmm.
8
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:18,752
Everybody digs my scene.
9
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:21,089
:
I'm the grooviest dude
10
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,691
who was ever grooved on.
11
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:27,361
I just love you boys so much.
12
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:30,231
:
Who wants a hug?
13
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,700
♪ Turning Japanese,
I think I'm turning Japanese ♪
14
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:33,934
♪ I really think so
15
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,604
Took him long enough
to find that beer.
16
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:39,073
Yeah, but it was
so worth the wait.
17
00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:42,943
♪ Yes, no, maybe
18
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,179
♪ I don't know
19
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:48,516
♪ Can you repeat the question?
20
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,684
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
21
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,187
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
22
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,589
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
23
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,625
♪ And you're not so big
24
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,128
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
25
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:02,130
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
26
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:04,632
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
27
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,535
♪ And you're not so big
28
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,938
♪ Life is unfair.
29
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:17,745
Guess what?
30
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,214
I got another raise.
31
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,216
Mr. DeSilvio said
that when I clean the gunk
32
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,617
out of the rendering machine,
33
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:26,720
I vomit less than anyone
who's ever worked there.
34
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:29,123
Oh, glad someone's
career's on track.
35
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,825
My company may not
even exist in a month.
36
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,227
Well, what does Nate
have to say?
37
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:35,396
He's usually pretty levelheaded
about this stuff.
38
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,898
Nate faked his death
and fled the country.
39
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,932
Didn't he, Jamie?
40
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,501
Yes, he did.
41
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,835
Dad-dad.
42
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:47,908
Here. Do these look like
the hands of a lazy man?
43
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,444
Do they?! You see how hard
the calluses are?
44
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,246
What are you doing here?
45
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,649
This morning, on the phone,
you said that I was lazy.
46
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,352
Well, look at my hands,
and admit that you were wrong.
47
00:01:58,386 --> 00:01:59,420
Are you biting
48
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,422
your nails again?
Apologize!
49
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,324
I am not going to apologize
for something
50
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,492
that I said that's true.
51
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,093
This is exactly why I drove
52
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,961
eight straight hours
to get here.
53
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,797
To prove how
far you'll go
54
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,465
just to avoid a simple apology.
55
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:14,202
I can't believe how screwed-up
your priorities are.
56
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,438
Hello?
57
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,872
:
Oh, hi, baby.
58
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:19,973
Happy anniversary.
59
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:22,109
No, I haven't
left yet.
60
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,279
I'm on my way out
right now. Okay.
61
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:28,382
Seeing Francis act like this
is really sad.
62
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:29,450
I mean, for him.
63
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,118
For us, it's kinda funny.
64
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,953
Okay, Malcolm, let's go.
We got to get to work.
65
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,488
And don't forget
to change your shoes.
66
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:36,890
Okay. Can I eat
my cupcake in the car?
67
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:40,794
I was gonna eat it in the car
whether she said I could or not.
68
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,797
It's pathetic to watch Francis
when he's around Mom.
69
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:46,400
It's almost like
he's her puppet or something.
70
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,969
Yeah, it's really awful
how she manipulates him.
71
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:53,674
Boy, I sure
love this vanilla.
72
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,348
Why would anyone do
something like that?
73
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,149
Well, there is a
certain pleasure
74
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,152
in secretly controlling
someone a lot dumber than you.
75
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,556
Hey, you know what was
really cool about Francis?
76
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:11,559
How he used to pull
all those crazy stunts.
77
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,694
Yeah, that stuff
was pretty awesome.
Yeah.
78
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:16,730
Too bad there's
nothing like that now.
79
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,999
Except for Kopelman's junkyard.
80
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,534
You mean, with all
those vicious dogs?
81
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:23,170
Remember how Francis set the
record by going over the fence
82
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:26,674
and coming back with
11 old toilet seats?
83
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,377
If only someone had
the guts to do that now.
84
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,212
By "someone," I meant you.
85
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:33,681
You think?
86
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,384
Took me four hours
to find this old spelling test.
87
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,718
C plus.
88
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,587
Do lazy people get C pluses?
89
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,088
No.
90
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:42,923
Man, I got to get back
on the road.
91
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,191
When's Mom coming home?
92
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,293
Not till after 10:00.
93
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:50,798
Well, traffic will be
better, anyway.
94
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,400
LOIS:
All I'm saying is
95
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,368
if you don't put the pinks and
the yellows together by date,
96
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,136
you're not gonna be able
to find them later.
97
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,105
And I know, you want to live
in the dorm
98
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,541
when you go away to college, but
you're too easily distracted.
99
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,310
You don't get
to criticize decisions
100
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,977
I won't even make
for three years.
101
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,446
Okay, you're getting cranky.
102
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,480
Let's take a break.
103
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:07,981
Look, we're
over halfway done.
104
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:11,419
Aren't you glad I didn't let you
go to the bathroom before?
105
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,121
Hey, Malcolm, you want to
sign up for the softball team?
106
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,656
It's a chance to see
the old Satin Hammer in action.
107
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,560
And every season, I take one
lucky youngster under my wing.
108
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,661
I'm already
under a thumb.
Well, if you're on the team,
109
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,264
you don't have to work
the early weekend shift.
110
00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:26,334
My mom works that shift.
I'm in.
111
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,736
Hey, Lois. You signing up
for softball?
112
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,103
I don't need
to sign up, Craig.
113
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,572
I'm coaching the
team this year.
114
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,140
You are?
115
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,642
Yeah, Stu was gonna
do it, but his wife
116
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,578
got born again and
ruined his Sundays.
117
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,580
Hey, Malcolm,
you're playing.
118
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:43,417
I just can't get away
from you, can I?
119
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:45,252
MAN :
Attention all C.O.G. employees.
120
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,320
Immediately following
121
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:47,988
the funeral
of District Manager Kelsey,
122
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,657
all windows above the third
floor will be sealed...
123
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,125
MAN :
That's the base pay?
124
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,027
And there's full dental?
125
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,529
Sounds good.
126
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,498
Where's the interview?
127
00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:01,101
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
128
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,202
Thanks.
129
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,704
I owe you one.
130
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,822
HAL:
So, I'm going in
131
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,957
three days ahead of him
for the interview.
132
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,794
I mean, Nick won't have
any trouble finding another job.
133
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,195
They guy's an ex-Navy Seal.
134
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,698
Of course, ethically,
you could argue it's stealing.
135
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:31,799
But look at hip-hop.
136
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,401
They sample music
all the time.
137
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,802
Is that stealing,
or is that art?
138
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,804
Hal, you have a family.
Go in for the interview.
139
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,806
I've got to figure out
whether I'm gonna bat
140
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,808
my left-handed speedster
at the top of the order
141
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,510
or drop him lower
so he can hit
142
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,645
behind the runners and stay
out of the double play.
143
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,013
There.
144
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,815
20 years worth
of connect-the-dot puzzles,
145
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,983
model airplanes
and dirty haikus.
146
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,052
Do lazy people do
this kind of stuff?
147
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,921
I don't think so.
148
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,989
This proves that you owe me
an apology.
149
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,558
Francis, all this
proves is that
150
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,427
you have a problem with
obsessive compulsion.
151
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,161
Lies on top of lies.
152
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,598
Well, your house of cards
is coming down.
153
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:05,866
Is he still here?
154
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,402
I told Piama
he left this morning.
155
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,672
Mom, I can't do
the softball team after all.
156
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,374
Now, before you come up with
what you think my reasons are,
157
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,009
let me tell you
what my reasons are.
158
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,344
I've just got
so much schoolwork.
159
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,512
You don't have to play.
160
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,781
You're always telling me
that my grades are...
161
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,683
Oh, well, good.
162
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,217
It's too bad, 'cause
I could have really
163
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,686
helped you with
your grounders.
164
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:26,687
What?
165
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,021
Your grounders.
166
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,790
You don't go down
to your knee for the ball.
167
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,425
You know, kids your age,
you don't think
168
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,760
you need
the fundamentals, but...
169
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,028
I field grounders all the time.
170
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,029
There's no problem
with my grounders.
171
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,230
Where do you
get this stuff?
172
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,899
It doesn't matter,
Malcolm. Like you said,
173
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:42,135
you got too much
schoolwork, anyway.
174
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,140
As soon as I figure out
how she got me here,
175
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,408
I'm out of here.
176
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:49,810
Never mind.
177
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,012
I'm just gonna ignore
her and do my homework.
178
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,815
What are you working on,
sweetheart?
179
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,950
Just finishing a paper
on Wuthering Heights.
180
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,418
Wuthering Heights, huh?
181
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,320
I did my senior thesis
on that.
182
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,722
You did not.
183
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,423
I hope you're not sticking
to that tired view
184
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,225
that Catherine and Heathcliff
are soul mates.
185
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,494
You picked up on
the subtle hostility
186
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,562
towards romanticism, right?
187
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,763
I mean, Catherine's
just as bound
188
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,131
to Edgar as she is
to Heathcliff.
189
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:14,334
She takes a lock of his hair
to the grave, too.
190
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:15,803
Well, duh.
191
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:20,340
GIRL:
Is this where they keep
the prisoners?
192
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:21,341
What?
193
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,076
My dad's in left field.
194
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:26,279
He likes to keep an eye on me,
'cause he thinks I'm too wild.
195
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,581
My name's Stephanie.
196
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:28,849
I'm...
Malcolm,
197
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,784
infield. Let's go,
let's go, let's go!
198
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,520
And you better be wearing a cup.
199
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,158
I know you've heard the rumors,
200
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,293
and all I can say is,
I might or might not
201
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,696
have been scouted
by the Kyoto Crazy Phantoms.
202
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:43,764
But don't worry.
203
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,266
I play for Lucky Aide.
204
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,868
Now, watch me carefully,
205
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,804
'cause I only work
at one speed-- lightnin'.
206
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,073
This one's for you, Malcolm.
207
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,514
Try again.
Here's another one.
208
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,117
Is she crazy?
209
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,586
How does she expect...
210
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,896
Craig, that was amazing.
211
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,364
What were you expecting?
212
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:18,832
I told you I was good.
213
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,244
I don't know, Reese.
214
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:34,347
If I were you, I'd
chicken out right now.
215
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:37,083
Dewey, why are you always
fighting me on these things?
216
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:40,120
If you're not gonna support me,
you might as well leave.
217
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,827
Okay, so it's pretty obvious
they hate shoes.
218
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,729
Write that down.
219
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:14,087
Um, am I...
is this where...
220
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,023
We're not supposed to talk.
221
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,257
Oh.
222
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,792
Sorry.
223
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,234
Uh... excuse me?
I...
224
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,302
MAN:
We'll be with you in
three seconds, sir.
225
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,038
Please stand
up straight.
226
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,973
Three seconds?
227
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,611
So, I understand
you'd like to work with us?
228
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:40,948
I-I-I did...
I just... did someone...
229
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,315
This job
is a wonderful opportunity
230
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,617
for the right kind of person.
231
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,786
Good pay, three weeks vacation.
232
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,721
Full benefits package.
233
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,724
Plus the knowledge that you're
really making a difference.
234
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,726
MAN :
Code Two, Code Two.
235
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:53,827
Repeat, Code Two.
236
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,832
Excuse me, was this...
237
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,668
Please, if you could hold off
on your questions
238
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,435
until I'm finished with mine.
239
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:06,073
Number one, do you have
a photographic memory?
240
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,574
I don't think so.
241
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,443
Uh-huh. Are you allergic
to venomous spider bites?
242
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,846
How would I know that?
243
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:13,947
Right.
244
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,749
And do you have
an identical twin?
245
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:17,484
What? No.
246
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:18,919
Okay.
247
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,121
That's all I have.
248
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,790
Go next door.
249
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,424
They'll make a mold
of your face.
250
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,659
Then we can get started.
251
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,312
Thank you
for your interest, sir.
252
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,014
Any feelings of paranoia
you may experience
253
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:50,150
over the next few days
are completely normal.
254
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:01,795
Okay, remember--
255
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,565
it's hips,
then shoulders.
256
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,500
It's just like
that little dance
257
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,969
you used to do
in your underpants.
258
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,571
What do you know.
Looks like store 617's
259
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,874
actually thinking
about showing up
260
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,542
for the game next week.
261
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,410
Considering what
happened last year,
262
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,746
that's pretty brave of you.
263
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,381
We lost by three runs
and had a barbecue, Mel.
264
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,517
And it wasn't on my watch.
265
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,519
So, can I see the
underwear dance?
266
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,889
Yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
267
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:29,990
Would you?
268
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,992
Slow down, we haven't
even kissed yet.
269
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,661
Malcolm, let's go. We got to get
to your zit doctor before 5:00.
270
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,696
Mom!
What?
271
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,932
Oh, your friend
doesn't care about that.
272
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:42,535
Look at her face-- she probably
goes to the same doctor.
273
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,540
Hello, Mother.
274
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,843
Hey, Francis-- I thought
you left this morning.
275
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,111
I did.
276
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,846
I got halfway home
277
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:53,847
when I suddenly
278
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,015
remembered the time
279
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,416
when I was three years old
280
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,086
and you were sick--
or so you said--
281
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,420
and couldn't drive me
282
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,355
to Donnie Dinesco's
birthday party.
283
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,257
So I rode this tricycle
284
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,860
two miles in the pouring rain
285
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,261
just to get there.
286
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,230
Lazy? I think not.
287
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,364
Now, I am not leaving
288
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,366
until you apologize.
289
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,368
All you want is an
apology? That's it?
290
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,404
Well, you should've
said so a week ago.
291
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:18,238
But...
292
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,706
I'm hereby officially sorry.
293
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:23,476
Okay?
No! Not okay.
294
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,078
That is not an apology.
295
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:27,881
That's just one of those
cleverly designed apologies
296
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:30,217
that sounds like an apology
but isn't one.
297
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,318
Now you have to apologize
298
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,719
for apologizing.
299
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,321
And then apologize.
300
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,956
You know what
your problem is?
301
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,325
You know why you can't
accept my apology?
302
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:41,394
Because you just can't
stand to be happy.
303
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:42,562
What?!
304
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,131
You have an addiction
to trouble.
305
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,733
You need to have chaos in
your life-- you always have.
306
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,600
I mean, look at you.
307
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,270
You have a great job,
308
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,005
a nice home, a wife,
309
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,606
and you can't stand it.
310
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,908
You have to
come back here
311
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,409
and pick a fight
with your mother.
312
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,577
That's not true.
313
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,079
I came back here because
314
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,148
you've destroyed
any chance any of us
315
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,649
ever had for happiness.
316
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:03,750
Tell her, Malcolm.
317
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,253
Tell her what a horrible
mother she is.
318
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,787
He's right--
you insinuate yourself
319
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,923
into every part of our lives,
just to make sure
320
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,092
there's no place
we're not miserable.
321
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,093
Well, you're
not gonna turn me
322
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,427
into a drooling infant
323
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,462
like you did Francis.
324
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,930
Yeah. What?
325
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,832
I'm quitting
the softball team.
326
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:21,101
You are doing no such thing,
Malcolm.
327
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:24,037
You had a chance to quit,
but now we have a game.
328
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:25,605
You made a commitment to a team,
329
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,307
and other people
are counting on you.
330
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,775
You can't force me to play.
331
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,878
No, but I can confiscate
your paychecks.
332
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,780
You're gonna take away money
that's legally mine
333
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,348
for a game of softball?
334
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,918
I don't know. Am I?
335
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,154
You are pure evil.
336
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:44,457
How do you sleep at night?
337
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,860
Hal, will you please
talk to the boys?
338
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:49,296
Not now, Lois, I have
way too much on my mind.
339
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,397
Like what?
340
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,866
I think I'm an
international spy,
341
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,634
and I don't even know
which side I'm on.
342
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,338
I could be a super villain
and not even know it.
343
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:01,441
You can just say
you don't want to help me, Hal.
344
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,544
You look very handsome
in your uniform.
345
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:08,081
I wish you would've let me
take it in around the arms.
346
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,583
Well, good news for you, Lois.
347
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:11,584
Our right fielder
348
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,520
was screwing around
with a price gun,
349
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,022
took a sticker to the eye.
350
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,056
We're a player short.
351
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:17,557
We have to forfeit.
352
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:18,425
Yes!
353
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,194
Well, too bad.
354
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:24,197
'Course, the
real losers...
355
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,666
the fans.
356
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,735
Not today, Tonto.
357
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,004
That's just silly.
358
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,772
We're all here,
we're all in uniform,
359
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,074
everyone wants to play.
360
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,209
Malcolm, go be
on Mel's team.
361
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,077
What?
362
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,511
Oh, yeah, big favor.
363
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:39,679
No, no, no, no,
no, his game
364
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,281
has really improved.
Hasn't it, honey?
365
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:44,251
After all that stuff about
my commitment to this team,
366
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,353
you could just decide
to give me away?
367
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,689
Malcolm, everybody's nervous
about making new friends.
368
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,659
Just be yourself.
They'll like you fine.
369
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,899
I'm gonna hit this ball
so far out of the park,
370
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,701
my mom's gonna wish she never...
371
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,803
Wait, what do I do
with my hips again?
372
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:04,704
Strike one.
373
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:05,572
What?
374
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,208
Okay, it'll be okay,
375
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,110
just stop thinking.
376
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,911
You can do it, honey.
377
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,214
Strike two.
378
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,815
Look, just don't talk
to me, okay?
379
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,784
Just pitch the ball.
380
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,219
I can't believe
she's doing this.
381
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,054
I just hate it
when she treats me like this
382
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,389
in front of everyone.
It's so...
383
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,091
Strike three.
384
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,628
FRANCIS: Hello?
385
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,230
No, honey bun, I'm still here.
386
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,332
I have a few more things
to straighten out
387
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,067
before I can leave,
but I promise
388
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,103
that we will celebrate
our anniversary
389
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,171
as soon as I get home.
390
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,273
Right, if you're still there.
391
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,411
Did Reese and Dewey
leave yet?
392
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,346
Leave for where?
Kopelman's junkyard.
393
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,415
Reese is going to break
the toilet seat record.
394
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,818
He's what?!
I still have one
you autographed for my brother.
395
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,886
It'll probably drop
in value after this.
396
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,956
Just tell them
you don't want the job.
397
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,359
Don't think about
what they can do to you.
398
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:02,295
Just... tell them.
399
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:18,145
Uh, thank you
for considering me.
400
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,113
It's very flattering.
401
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,015
But I've decided
402
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,017
to stay where I am for now.
403
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,618
If things change,
404
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,654
I'll let you know.
405
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,734
Where is he?
406
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,136
Looks like the pit bulls
407
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,305
are herding him
toward the Dobermans.
408
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,540
It's beautiful, really,
the way they work together.
409
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,812
Aah!
410
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,515
Did I make it?
Am I alive?
411
00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,153
Why do I have bacon
in my pocket?
412
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,088
Reese, damn it,
413
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,255
you crazy idiot.
414
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:03,690
Do you know what you are?
415
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,858
You're me.
416
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,361
Mom was right--
we do love trouble.
417
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:11,763
That's why we do stupid,
moronic things like this.
418
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,165
What are you talking about?
419
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,267
I'm gonna be famous.
420
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,602
This isn't about fame.
421
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:18,538
It's about putting yourself
in danger for no reason.
422
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,772
It's an addiction
to pain and suffering.
423
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,842
And you know what?
I'm done with it.
424
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,877
And you should be, too,
'cause it isn't worth it.
425
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,179
That's easy for you to say.
426
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,614
You've already had the glory.
427
00:17:27,646 --> 00:17:32,018
Glory? You think this stupid,
dangerous stunt gave me glory?
428
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,287
I'll show you what it gave me.
429
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:39,426
Horrible, isn't it?
430
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,894
Only the middle one's
functional.
431
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,967
I can go now.
432
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,270
I've been set free.
433
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:52,872
Good-bye and good luck.
434
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,474
BOY:
11, 12...
435
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,575
He got 12.
436
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,110
Reese broke the record!
437
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,280
It doesn't matter.
438
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,849
Didn't you people
hear a word I said?
439
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,052
Are you sure he got...
440
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,387
What's the difference?
441
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,721
That's not the point.
442
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,124
What I'm trying to say is...
443
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,398
Give me the bacon.
444
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,100
I don't want an asterisk
by my record.
445
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,505
Kid, please, it's
the last inning,
446
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,241
you struck out four times,
dropped six fly balls,
447
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:31,578
somehow elbowed
yourself in the groin.
448
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,914
Good news is, I think
we're all laughed out.
449
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,484
Just get up there, close
your eyes and swing.
450
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,419
It's because she keeps...
451
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,321
looking at me, on purpose.
452
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,923
She has to be taught a lesson.
453
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,091
Hey.
454
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,993
Your team's
down 16 to one.
455
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:48,628
Want to get out of here?
456
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,097
Oh, she would just love it
if I did that, wouldn't she?
457
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,200
Well, I'm not gonna give her
the satisfaction.
458
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,202
She's gonna learn
that she can't control me.
459
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,336
You know what,
Malcolm, I don't
460
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,671
date guys who are
involved with other women.
461
00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,207
Especially when
it's their mothers.
462
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,574
Good-bye.
463
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:09,982
Okay, this is your last chance.
464
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,223
Hello?
465
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:18,725
Sure, I got time
to take a survey.
466
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,493
Disagree.
467
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,239
I did it. I hit the ball.
468
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,407
I can't... Oh.
469
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,210
Finally. This will show her.
470
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,445
It has to.
471
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,489
Oh, man.
472
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,391
I don't care, I'm going for it.
473
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,066
I'll bet she planned
the whole thing
474
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:01,368
so it would end up like this.
475
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,769
Now the only way I can score
476
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,372
is if I'm willing to cleat
my own mother in the face.
477
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,208
I can't do it.
478
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,045
What do you know?
479
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,386
He's out.
480
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,290
Honey, if you're
gonna cleat someone,
481
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:26,559
you have to remember
to lead with your heel.
482
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,429
FRANCIS:
Didn't you hear me, Piama?
483
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,464
I got 14 toilet seats.
484
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,032
I have the record again.
485
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:36,536
You know, Mom said this
is exactly how you'd react.
486
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,771
So, I was reading this
really interesting story
487
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,640
about glass eaters...
488
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,309
Nah, you don't want
to hear this.
489
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,710
Dewey, when are
you gonna learn
490
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,546
that I'm the guy who makes
the decisions around here?
491
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,047
Go on.
Well, apparently
the trick is...
492
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,084
Well, that was a pretty shameful
display this afternoon.
493
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:54,120
Look, I-I was...
It's all right.
494
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:55,422
I'm not gonna ask you
495
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,490
why you've been behaving
like this lately,
496
00:20:57,524 --> 00:21:00,393
because I think I know.
497
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,929
You're jealous
of the new baby.
498
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:05,164
And you're right--
I haven't been
499
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:06,899
giving you enough
attention lately.
500
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,401
But don't worry.
501
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,571
Tomorrow we're gonna go out,
we're gonna get you a haircut
502
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:15,808
and some new undershirts,
just the two of us, okay?
503
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,311
Thanks, Mom.
35717
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