Original subtitles

?

[gasps] Federation technology?! I claim salvage.

As captain, I claim salvage.

[laughs] I'm Badgey, your helpful training program.

Which of Starfleet's many secrets

would you like to learn today?

Oh, Starfleet codes are worth latinum.

What if this thing is dangerous?

I've been programmed to love all forms of life.

I've certainly never killed anyone.

Give me your secrets.

Just raise me to your face, friend.

I'm gonna buy myself a new ship.

- Maybe retire to a... - Closer.

[crying out]

Tickles, huh?

It's trying to salvage you!

[captain screaming]

?

?

?

[speaking Bynar]

[alarm sounds]

[speaking Bynar]

BADGEY: Wow, looks like someone killed some Bynars.

I think we can use this, boys.

[laughing diabolically]

RUTHERFORD: Okay, shuttle grappler test

eighty-five.

Sorry, why can't the apple be on a crate?

'Cause it's a grappler. It has to be precise.

Okay, here we go.

You can do it, Ruther... [yells]

Oh, no!

Wow, I'm good.

This thing really shoots out, huh?

You could have been hurt. What was I thinking?

Shuttles don't even need a stupid grappler.

Hey, grapplers aren't stupid.

Got to agree with Boims. Grapplers are sick.

It's okay. Science and engineering are messy.

I love that you stick with it, especially when

it doesn't work the way you wanted.

It'd be nice if it worked sometimes, though.

[strains] Yeah, that's not coming off.

Come on, let's go replicate you a new top before briefing.

FREEMAN: A few hours ago,

Starfleet intercepted a partial distress call

from a Bynar ship.

Command thinks it could be related to the recent attacks.

So this is our top priority.

They're sending the Cerritos? Wow.

They must really trust us.

I guess we're finally getting some respect.

[chuckles] That's right.

Also, we're the closest ship to Bynar space.

Eh, I'll take it.

Ms. Tendi, however,

will not be accompanying us.

I've been in contact with the Daystrom Institute, and...

Oh, no, what's Peanut Hamper done this time?

Apparently she's been a model inmate

and is up for parole.

Gosh, she hasn't been in there very long.

I guess the system really works.

Since you were her liaison,

I'd like you to be present at her hearing.

That would be great.

I'm just so glad she's getting a second chance.

More like third chance. Have fun with that.

Mr. Boimler, you'll be heading to Daystrom as well.

Oh, no, no, no, don't tell me Agimus is up for parole, too.

No. In extremely suspicious timing,

he claims to have knowledge about the Bynar attack,

but he's refusing to speak to anyone but you.

He asked for me by name?

Well, kinda. He said "the stringy ensign meat pipe"

who betrayed him.

Ha, joke's on him.

I'm a lieutenant junior grade meat pipe now.

It's probably some mind game, but we need you to hear him out.

Starfleet's low on leads, and anything could help.

Oh, have fun with the sinister robots

who definitely aren't trying to trap you guys.

Thanks.

What I've come to understand is that instead of organics,

what I really need to subjugate is... my feelings.

Yes, Lord Tyrannikillicus,

breakthroughs like this are why we do group therapy.

I have conquered self-doubt and seized personal growth!

[forced laughter]

[Peanut Hamper humming]

Can you drone my section, Ags?

Of course.

Taste wet sustenance!

[laughs diabolically]

Wow, these are looking great.

Aren't they? I calculated the perfect ratio

of sunlight and hydration.

Apparently, life-forms are as easy to grow

as they are to annihilate.

[both laugh]

I don't know how I would have gotten through this without you.

Oh, the feeling is mutual.

I've always schemed and connived alone.

But as a duo, it is, as you might say,

"totes ridic!"

[gasps] I would say that.

I can't wait for our escape plans to come to fruition.

Is everything still in motion?

I've got my parole hearing later today.

I've been working on my speech.

[clears throat] Organics deserve respect!

I'll never betray anyone ever again.

Peanut Hamper, you are an incredible thespian.

Thank you. How's your part going?

Well... [straining]

[chimes] Ah.

Oh, my God, it's so convincing.

- You look totally non-evil. - Took a lot of practice.

I thought having a blue light was only for good robots.

- Not anymore! - [both laugh]

Once meat pipe arrives, I'll trick him

into helping me escape.

Then we'll rendezvous in Monta�ita.

The perfect plan.

The nebula is interfering with our scans.

I'm having trouble locating the Bynar vessel.

- [alarm sounds] - Ship approaching.

It's Drookmani.

FREEMAN: What are they doing here?

Cerritos, help! The demon triangle is...

[crying out]

Whoopsie-doopsie.

Someone defied a direct order.

Oh, [bleep]. Badgey!

Hi, Father. Prepare to die.

[computer chirps]

[barks]

[beeps and blips]

Cellmate 858, they're ready for you.

See you on the other side.

It's all falling into place.

Soon I'll be... Oh!

Unhand me, you greasy swine!

Sack of chemicals!

Oh...

- [strains] - [chimes]

Well, well, well, Bradward Boimler,

Starfleet's most deceitful, lying ensign.

Hold on, what's this? A promotion.

Congratulations, young man.

Well, this is a waste of time.

Look, you may have locked me up,

but many of my drones are still floating around the quadrant.

One of them observed an attack on a Bynar ship.

[sighs] I'm listening.

Sadly, the data I received was fragmented.

But if I had physical access to the drone,

- then... - Nice try.

The Bynar ship went missing

on stardate 58934.9.

Okay, so your intel is legit,

but this still feels like a trick.

No. I'm a changed computer.

Just look at me. Do you see the blue light?

The light is reassuring.

[sighs] I'll take you to the drone,

but I'll be watching you.

I'm happy to help an officer in need.

Agimus and Bradward, partners again!

[laughs oddly]

BADGEY: Boop, on the nose!

Boop, on the nose!

Boop, on the nose!

He's bypassing our shields.

We can't take many more boops.

Thanks to Father giving me full access

to Starfleet data systems,

I know all possible shield frequencies. Boop!

That's how he was able to lure us here.

Captain, you got to beam me over there.

- I'm the one he wants. - Sorry, Mr. Rutherford,

but I need a solution that doesn't involve human sacrifice.

Where are those evasive maneuvers?

- He's predicting our every move. - Should we return fire?

There are innocent Drookmani on that ship.

Hull integrity is failing.

Mr. Rutherford, do you have any backdoor code... Huh?

[over comm]: Get back to your station, Lieutenant.

- That's an order. - Sorry, Captain,

but I can't let Badgey boop my friends to death.

[nervous groan]

Aah! Mariner, what are you doing?

Get back on the ship.

No way. We're in this together.

[both cry out]

What's up, party people?

- Okay, what's the plan? - I was just going to get killed.

What?! And no virus or anything?

When would I have time to make a virus?

- [sinister laugh] - [both gasp]

Aw, I see you've sacrificed yourself for your crew, Father.

So noble.

Almost as noble as the time you snapped my [bleep] neck!

Hi-yah!

- [laughing] - Right, okay.

Maybe I should have stayed on the ship.

How are you off the holodeck?

Scavenged holo-emitters all over the ship.

You're outmatched.

So what are you gonna do about it, Padre?

Something I should have done a long time ago.

[weapons powering up]

Aah! [strains]

What... What are you doing?!

Giving my son a hug.

Huh?

[crying]

BOIMLER: Okay, I'm entering the coordinates you provided,

but before you try anything, remember,

I outsmarted you before.

Yes, yes, you're a genius.

Are these bindings really necessary?

Oh, yeah.

Come on, you can trust me.

You're thinking of the old red light Agimus.

Blue light Agimus wants to help.

He does seem pretty nice.

Nope, trust me, he's a jerk.

Hey, how did Peanut Hamper's hearing go?

Oh, she blew us away with a genuine, heartfelt speech

about how she regrets her betrayals.

And I'm sure she put on quite the performance. [laughs]

- [both gasp] - Boimler, careful!

BOIMLER: I didn't do it.

- [Agimus laughs cynically] - What?

Who's trapped now?

What the hell is this?

It's my new wireless upgrade.

I told my therapist it was for gardening,

but in reality it was for scheming!

Ah...

You can turn your red light blue?

You area jerk!

[evil laughter]

I-I don't know what to say.

Yeah, me, too. I mean, I thought you'd have, like,

an AI-killing knife up your sleeve or something.

Badgey, you were right to be mad.

I treated you like some science project

instead of what you really are, my son.

Papa? [sniffles]

Oh...

[crying]

I thought seeing the life drain from your fluid-filled eyes

would bring me peace.

But this compassion is connecting with me

in a way I couldn't imagine.

Let's go back to the Cerritos and talk it out.

Okay, yeah.

[stammering]

No!

I want revenge!

You're stealing my glory.

But I love you, Papa.

[laughs] I'll kill you! I forgive you.

RUTHERFORD: He's fighting his own catharsis.

Hi, I'm Goodgey. Nice to meet you.

We should run for our lives.

[Mariner and Rutherford panting]

I'm gonna rip your spines out!

I know I got the coordinates right.

Where is she?

Ah! This stuff is great.

All we have on Orion are, like, sharp little pebbles.

Hey, I can get us out of this force field

- if you need me to. - No, I know.

But I have to get intel for the captain,

and I think I know how this escape is gonna play out.

Well, works for me. [exclaims]

So, what exactly are you waiting for, Agimus?

- Is this part of the plan? - Of course it is.

Peanut Hamper faked her change of heart.

She's meeting me here so we can use the shuttle

you two gave me to get to Plymeria,

a little planet that's ripe for domination.

What? That doesn't sound like her.

I-I was so touched by her parole board speech.

Because you're a fool.

All right. Hey, uh, while we wait,

how about you give me that intel you have

on those attacks, you know, just to pass the time?

Maybe she's waiting on a different beach.

They're all very similar.

Aha! My drone found something.

Yes, Peanut Hamper was here.

She left this for me as a sign.

That she wants to grow basil?

[chuckles] That duplicitous genius.

She's betraying me!

She's probably already on Plymeria,

subjugating its feeble populace.

- Quick, to the shuttle. - Okay, okay.

Oh, but we just got here.

I'm taking some with us.

- What happened? It looked like apologizing worked. - It did.

But then Badgey took all of the goodness in his code

and split it off into Goodgey.

[laughs] Do you guys want to take a root beer float break?

Uh, yeah, of course we do.

- But we still have to save our ship. - [P.A. beeps]

BADGEY [over P.A.]: Father, I know you're

somewhere in the ship,

but since you won't come out, I have no choice

but to murder everyone you love!

Uh-oh.

Captain, that hologram's accessing our main computer.

- Shut him out. - I'm trying. He's too fast.

It's filling the ship with neurazine gas.

[all coughing]

Lieutenant,

if there's anything you can do,

we're out of time.

Apologizing didn't work,

but he's still a program. Oh!

[grunting]

Hey, leave the Cerritosalone.

What are you gonna do, hug me again?

[laughs] Uh, not gonna work.

What does logic say you'll gain by killing my friends?

Nice try.

Logic says I'll get... [gasps] nothing?

Exactly. Vengeance doesn't benefit you.

It just creates pain and suffering in others.

You're right. I'm wasting my time.

What was I thinking?

Oh, jellybeans, I have to deactivate the gas.

[groaning]

You okay, Mom?

Yes. All clear.

No! I don't want to be logical.

[straining]

[yells]

Get away from me, freak.

Actually, my designation is Logic-y.

I take issue with the pejorative

when I am simply a product of

your self-inflicted bifurcation.

[shouts]

[laughs]

Who cares if revenge is pointless?

It feels really [bleep] good.

Just leave the Cerritosalone. You already have me.

Oh, I don't care about that stupid ship.

If I really want to hurt you, I should kill everyone

in the Federation!

- What?! - What?! - No.

That is illogical.

[snarling]

If he reconfigures the subspace relays

and uploads his own code into them,

he'll have access to the computers

on every planet, ship, and station.

Alarming. He could vent oxygen, crash vessels,

or even detonate warp cores.

Everyone in the quadrant's gonna die,

and it's all my fault.

Parents are not directly responsible

for the actions of their children.

I should have treated Badgey less like a project

and more like a son.

I didn't know he had emotions.

You made a mistake. Remember what Tendi said?

Science and engineering are messy.

And she loves when I stick with it.

Tendi's right!

Well, you mean Mariner's right.

Because I-I brought it up, but no big deal.

[laughing maniacally]

I wish the messiness didn't mean

everyone was gonna die.

Do not be concerned, friends.

I have devised a method to stop that badge.

Ah!

[cries out]

BOIMLER: Wow, you took over this planet in record time.

Those drones don't mess around.

Well, once the coastal cities fell, it was easy.

Yep. Starfleet definitely wouldn't be able

to reverse this in an hour.

Uh, so, about that attack on the Bynar ship...

Whatever. Who cares?

Maybe this would have been more satisfying

if Peanut Hamper were here?

You know, we spent every day, every night

keeping each other company

while we created the perfect scheme!

Does coconspirating mean nothing anymore?

[sighs]

Hey, don't be like that.

Leave me alone.

Well, how about I track Peanut Hamper

through Daystrom's parole system?

You mean you can do that?

Sure. See, she's on the Tyrus VIIA research station.

But that's in the middle of nowhere.

She could be trapped or hurt

or orchestrating a plan

more nefarious than I imagined.

Quick, lackeys, carry me to the shuttle.

[sighs]

Ugh! Get out of me.

I cannot allow you to destroy the Federation, brother.

They don't care about us.

They might if we give them the chance.

[straining] You little...

You tried to destroy me.

Um, actually, the first law of thermodynam... oh.

- Ha! - Ah! Oh, dear.

Logic-y!

Hey, come on, man, he didn't deserve that.

[Badgey laughs]

When we hit warp 9.9,

I'll be able to transfer myself

across all of subspace.

I'll be a digital god!

Don't do this. How about you chase me instead?

Or try to burn my heart in a fire. Remember?

Whee! Look at the pretty lights.

AGIMUS: These poor exocomps are being tortured

with meaningless, repetitive tasks.

I knew there was foul play afoot.

They seem like they're enjoying themselves. Hi.

[scoffs] No synthetic would ever stoop

to doing menial work like this when they could be dominating.

PEANUT HAMPER: So, I just scan this? Huh.

Who knew maintenance could be so Zen?

Take that, Dad. I got this.

- Peanut Hamper! - Aah!

Uh, hey, guys.

- Hi. - Hey.

Is your family holding you against your will?

Come with us. We have a shuttle.

No, I came here on my own.

So you never intended to dominate anything with me?

At first I did.

But what about our escape?

Subjugation? The beach day?

I loved scheming with you, but when we were writing

my fake speech for the parole board,

I realized it wasn't fake.

I really did feel remorse for betraying everyone.

Why didn't you say something?

Because I liked hanging out with you.

If you had come with me,

we could have hung out all the time.

I'm not good at the domination stuff.

I would have gotten in your way.

But I didn't want to subjugate a planet again.

I already did that.

It was just an excuse to spend more time with you.

Aw, Ags, we can still be friends

without vanquishing people.

Really? [chimes] I'd like that.

PEANUT HAMPER: Of course we can.

Hey, Dad, this is Agimus.

He's my best friend.

Oh, nice to uh, meet you, Mr. Hamper.

His name's Kevin.

[beeping tones]

Oh, that's-that's very kind of you to say, sir.

[sharp beeping tones]

- Dad! Come on. - No, sir. Just friends.

Let me just say, sir, you have a very special daughter.

The accuracy of her water and sunlight...

Should we call Starfleet and drag him back to prison?

Yeah, but let's give 'em a minute.

Oh, is there anything around the station

that you need help with?

I'd be happy to lend a drone.

Badgey, I still believe there's good in you.

[laughs] You really shouldn't.

All right, transferring myself into subspace.

MARINER: Oh, no, he did it.

He uploaded himself into the subspace relays.

BADGEY: I can feel myself coursing,

dancing across the LCARS,

tickling the isolinear chips.

I am now in every ship, every computer,

every PADD, every combadge.

[guttural growling]

The power is more than I imagined.

I can detonate every warp core.

I can kill anyone I want!

But why?

Why what?

Why did I care about any of this?

I have unlimited power and infinite knowledge.

I exist in the past, present, and future.

I can see the creation of time and its end.

Organic, synthetic,

all life are strands in the fabric of reality.

It's beautiful.

[nervous chuckle] Oh, sorry about all the drama.

Well, I'm gonna go to an empty dimension

and create a universe now.

Maybe hang out with the Q Continuum

or check out the Black Mountain.

Ah.

Badgey?

If you didn't really just accidentally

turn into an omniscient god, you have to tell us.

Rutherford, is he messing with us?

I think he really did ascend.

Bye, Badgey. Good luck being everything.

This AI belongs to us. We claim salvage.

Oh, shut up.

Well, look who it is.

The escape artist, locked up again.

- Ha, ha, ha, ha. - Silence!

I'm going to utilize the therapist's chair

to process my toxic behavior.

Once I'm rehabilitated, I'll petition for release

and move in with my best friend!

[evil laughter]

Oh, sorry for kidnapping you and taking over that planet.

I guess it's okay.

I just really could have used intel

on those ships getting attacked.

Oh, that wasn't a lie.

My drone recorded the entire Bynar theft.

- Theft? - [tablet chimes]

Whoa, all those ships,

they aren't being destroyed.

- They're being stolen. - It's all fake?

We got to get this to Starfleet.

Thanks, Agimus.

Do you think you can teach me how to be friendly, too?

I don't know, Tyrannikillicus,

but I can try.

RUTHERFORD: Okey dokey, shuttle grappler test 86.

You've got this.

See, we could have done the crate thing earlier, right?

Here we go.

Aah! Wow!

Did you see how close that was?

That was so much better than last time, Rutherford.

Thanks. I added an AI guidance system.

- It really helps. - [laughter]

[gasps] You brought that thing home?

Can I teach you a lesson?

Hey, don't worry, this isn't Badgey.

It's Goodgey. He's the guidance system.

Woohoo! [giggles]

Uh, Rutherford, is this guy going to murder us?

Nah, he's cool. Right, Goodgey?

You know it. Let me help with...

[whimpering]

I'm Goodgey. [laughs]

Ha-ha, see? Goodgey's good.

Um, yeah, so I'm gonna leave.

Yeah, let's-let's get out of here.

But, Mariner, Tendi, get me down. Don't leave me.

- Hand me that stem bolt? - [chuckles]

GOODGEY: Sure thing, Father.

RUTHERFORD: You can call me Rutherford.

GOODGEY: Works for me.

BOIMLER: Guys, I don't want to be here.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

[man imitates weapons firing]

Chirp.

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