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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:04,788 --> 00:02:05,892 Please sir! 2 00:02:05,927 --> 00:02:07,653 For pity's sake, she's our only child! 3 00:02:07,687 --> 00:02:08,723 Have mercy! 4 00:02:08,757 --> 00:02:11,760 There is no mercy for the undead. 5 00:02:26,292 --> 00:02:28,570 Honey, are you ok? 6 00:02:29,951 --> 00:02:34,231 Yeah. Just a bad dream. 7 00:02:34,266 --> 00:02:36,992 Sounds like a real doozy. You want to talk about it? 8 00:02:38,649 --> 00:02:40,755 No, I'll be fine. 9 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,279 I'm gonna go check on Anastasia. 10 00:02:47,796 --> 00:02:49,488 - Yeah. - Okay. 11 00:03:02,673 --> 00:03:06,021 Ok. 12 00:03:12,614 --> 00:03:14,823 Anna-banana? It's still daylight. 13 00:03:15,755 --> 00:03:17,619 Put your phone away and get some shut eye. 14 00:03:17,654 --> 00:03:19,034 You've got a busy night ahead. 15 00:03:19,069 --> 00:03:20,312 Yes, Daddy. 16 00:03:27,042 --> 00:03:30,045 Phone off. That's twice you're busted. 17 00:03:57,003 --> 00:04:01,387 Shit. Blood suckers. 18 00:04:07,566 --> 00:04:09,844 Better watch it you don't end up 19 00:04:09,878 --> 00:04:12,053 staking yourself in the heart there, Count. 20 00:04:12,087 --> 00:04:14,711 I'm not a Count. Chuck Belasko. 21 00:04:15,539 --> 00:04:16,851 Doug Roach. 22 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,648 Vampire Americans, am I right? 23 00:04:20,682 --> 00:04:22,684 Yeah, you betcha. How'd you guess? 24 00:04:23,375 --> 00:04:24,859 You're shitting me, right? 25 00:04:24,893 --> 00:04:30,382 I mean, you got the map of Transylvania plastered all over your faces. 26 00:04:30,727 --> 00:04:33,143 If you wouldn't mind cooling it on the yard work? 27 00:04:33,177 --> 00:04:36,871 Yeah, sorry, I guess I lost track of time. 28 00:04:38,182 --> 00:04:40,806 Didn't lose track so much as you were following the rules. 29 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:44,775 Like the one that says your kind sleep in coffins during the day. 30 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,157 During the sunlight hours, that's correct. 31 00:04:47,191 --> 00:04:49,918 Because if the sunlight hits ya, you melt. 32 00:04:49,952 --> 00:04:52,887 Decompose into a miasma putrid decay. 33 00:04:52,921 --> 00:04:53,853 Also correct. 34 00:04:53,888 --> 00:04:56,166 My wife lost her favorite uncle that way. 35 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,825 Made a slight miscalculation during daylight savings and 36 00:04:59,859 --> 00:05:01,067 I don't give a shit. 37 00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:04,485 Yeah. Speaking of the missus, this is my wife, Helena. 38 00:05:06,728 --> 00:05:07,695 Countess? 39 00:05:07,729 --> 00:05:08,523 Professor. 40 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:09,811 Helena and I teach night classes. 41 00:05:09,835 --> 00:05:10,905 At Horlicks. 42 00:05:10,939 --> 00:05:12,979 - Yeah, department of... - Zoology. 43 00:05:18,499 --> 00:05:21,847 Yes, this is our own little ray of moonlight, Anastasia. 44 00:05:22,503 --> 00:05:23,780 Goes by Anna. Anna-banana. 45 00:05:26,127 --> 00:05:27,127 Alex... 46 00:05:30,856 --> 00:05:31,995 Mind your own. 47 00:05:32,616 --> 00:05:33,652 Alright, well it was... 48 00:05:56,157 --> 00:05:57,158 Well, chin up. 49 00:05:58,124 --> 00:05:59,764 He'll come around once he gets to know us. 50 00:05:59,919 --> 00:06:02,543 After all, we're the Belaskos. 51 00:06:02,577 --> 00:06:03,578 - Yes, we are. - Mmmhmm. 52 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,511 Bring it in for a family cheer. A little pound. 53 00:06:05,925 --> 00:06:07,444 - Bring it in. - Yes. 54 00:06:07,479 --> 00:06:08,687 - Ok. - Here it comes. 55 00:06:30,087 --> 00:06:31,088 Here we go. 56 00:06:32,607 --> 00:06:35,023 Look who is up. 57 00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,888 Good evening, sleepy head. 58 00:06:53,317 --> 00:06:59,254 So, there is a 24-hour gym less than a mile from here. 59 00:06:59,289 --> 00:07:01,981 I was wondering if it would be alright if I joined? 60 00:07:02,016 --> 00:07:04,190 I can pay for it myself with my babysitting stash. 61 00:07:04,225 --> 00:07:05,226 Not yet. 62 00:07:05,744 --> 00:07:07,297 We don't want you venturing off 63 00:07:07,331 --> 00:07:09,817 until we get a proper feel for the neighborhood. 64 00:07:10,162 --> 00:07:11,657 Then what am I supposed to do all night 65 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,727 while you guys are at work? 66 00:07:12,751 --> 00:07:14,235 Well you've got your lesson plans. 67 00:07:14,269 --> 00:07:16,731 Not to mention that phone that you've got grafted to your hand. 68 00:07:16,755 --> 00:07:19,240 You guys swore that Mapleton would be different. 69 00:07:19,274 --> 00:07:20,206 It is different. 70 00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:22,623 This is a fully integrated neighborhood. 71 00:07:22,657 --> 00:07:26,109 So was the last one. I fucking hate being undead. 72 00:07:26,143 --> 00:07:27,973 That is a little dramatic. 73 00:07:28,007 --> 00:07:29,112 And it'll cost you a buck. 74 00:07:29,146 --> 00:07:31,977 That's one diddly-dollar in the cuss jar, young lady. 75 00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:39,985 Where do you think you're going? 76 00:07:41,089 --> 00:07:44,714 Take a wild guess. Fucking nowhere. 77 00:07:47,026 --> 00:07:49,581 My. Someone slept on the wrong side of the coffin. 78 00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:09,867 Shit! 79 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,955 My god, my god! Don't fucking kill me! 80 00:09:27,989 --> 00:09:28,749 I fucking won't! 81 00:09:28,783 --> 00:09:30,958 Jesus, dude! Take a chill pill. 82 00:09:31,717 --> 00:09:33,685 What are you even doing over here? 83 00:09:33,719 --> 00:09:35,721 Well, I saw you up on the roof... 84 00:09:35,756 --> 00:09:37,723 Yeah. Yeah, I know. I heard you. 85 00:09:37,758 --> 00:09:38,862 You did? 86 00:09:38,897 --> 00:09:42,210 Yeah. I hear everything, whether I want to or not. 87 00:09:44,109 --> 00:09:45,662 You're like a goddamn super hero. 88 00:09:45,697 --> 00:09:48,976 Nope, just a girl. Anna. 89 00:09:50,218 --> 00:09:51,254 I'm Alex. 90 00:09:53,118 --> 00:09:54,637 Do you mind? 91 00:09:54,982 --> 00:09:56,328 Yeah. Here. 92 00:09:57,087 --> 00:09:58,088 Thanks. 93 00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:02,230 It's, nice to see a friendly face, for once. 94 00:10:02,265 --> 00:10:06,200 Yeah. But it's not gonna be the last once school starts up. 95 00:10:06,234 --> 00:10:08,443 It won't for me. I'm home-schooled. 96 00:10:08,478 --> 00:10:10,791 Because of the whole sunlight thing. 97 00:10:11,964 --> 00:10:13,448 I'm a night owl myself. 98 00:10:13,483 --> 00:10:15,968 I could give you a midnight tour of the neighborhood 99 00:10:16,003 --> 00:10:17,245 if you're up for it. 100 00:10:18,177 --> 00:10:19,731 Wouldn't your father disapprove? 101 00:10:19,765 --> 00:10:20,765 One hundred percent. 102 00:10:21,215 --> 00:10:22,941 - What about yours? - One hundred percent. 103 00:10:30,258 --> 00:10:33,296 So, I'm not totally clear on the rules. 104 00:10:33,814 --> 00:10:35,263 Are you aloud to have ice cream? 105 00:10:36,264 --> 00:10:38,232 Yeah. Yeah, when I'm in the mood for it. 106 00:10:38,266 --> 00:10:39,266 That's good. 107 00:10:40,372 --> 00:10:44,445 Well, Molly's floats are to die for. 108 00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:47,517 Fuck! Shit! I'm not trying to say... 109 00:10:47,551 --> 00:10:50,037 No, it's okay, Alex. I know what you mean. 110 00:10:50,485 --> 00:10:52,108 And it's no worries, you know? 111 00:10:52,142 --> 00:10:55,870 A Belasko hasn't drank human blood in over a century. 112 00:10:55,905 --> 00:11:00,219 Not to mention that it's illegal and totally disgusting. 113 00:11:00,254 --> 00:11:01,462 Good to know. 114 00:11:02,774 --> 00:11:06,709 They're open late on Saturdays, so maybe we could go after dark? 115 00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:10,989 Yeah. Maybe not. 116 00:11:12,956 --> 00:11:16,511 Small town peeps can be a little dickish. 117 00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:19,825 Yeah. Big town peeps can too. 118 00:11:22,863 --> 00:11:25,072 I swear, I just want to fly away. 119 00:11:25,106 --> 00:11:26,901 Run away where they'll never find me. 120 00:11:27,902 --> 00:11:29,421 Yeah, take me with you. 121 00:11:30,353 --> 00:11:31,354 Deal. 122 00:11:41,260 --> 00:11:44,885 So, this is the last stop on the tour. 123 00:11:44,919 --> 00:11:47,750 Mapleton's version of Disneyland. 124 00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:51,788 I'm about it. Yeah, I like it. 125 00:11:51,823 --> 00:11:54,480 My mom, she used to take me here. 126 00:11:54,515 --> 00:11:57,863 Yeah, I lost her when I was seven, but... 127 00:11:58,243 --> 00:11:59,900 Alex. I'm so sorry. 128 00:12:00,624 --> 00:12:01,867 How? 129 00:12:02,281 --> 00:12:03,904 She had a back ticker. 130 00:12:05,595 --> 00:12:08,563 You, you're lucky that you never have to lose a parent. 131 00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:11,428 Alex, that's a myth. 132 00:12:12,222 --> 00:12:15,053 We die too, it just takes us a little bit longer. 133 00:12:32,415 --> 00:12:33,416 No, don't! 134 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,177 Please don't. 135 00:12:36,212 --> 00:12:38,317 I don't really come out in pictures, it's... 136 00:12:38,352 --> 00:12:40,803 That's that's tragic. 137 00:12:41,907 --> 00:12:43,909 I'll tell you what. I'll be your mirror. 138 00:12:45,393 --> 00:12:46,360 Yeah? 139 00:12:46,394 --> 00:12:47,394 Yeah. 140 00:12:47,948 --> 00:12:50,122 Ok. How do I look? 141 00:12:54,299 --> 00:12:56,819 Well you look scalding. 142 00:13:00,270 --> 00:13:01,513 You up for a free ride? 143 00:13:02,445 --> 00:13:03,445 Yeah. 144 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,380 Hold on, it goes really extremely fast. 145 00:13:06,414 --> 00:13:07,622 Okay. 146 00:13:13,421 --> 00:13:16,079 Well, I kind of feel like a wimp now. 147 00:13:16,597 --> 00:13:18,357 Hold onto your vagina. I got this. 148 00:13:19,255 --> 00:13:20,912 - Hop on. - Ok, alright. 149 00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:24,398 Yeah. 150 00:14:09,961 --> 00:14:11,169 What's with Anna-banana? 151 00:14:11,203 --> 00:14:12,687 She's been skipping breakfast lately. 152 00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:15,000 She watching her waist? 153 00:14:15,035 --> 00:14:16,450 More like the boy next door. 154 00:14:17,175 --> 00:14:18,141 The roach kid? 155 00:14:18,176 --> 00:14:20,661 Mmhmm. That scares me. 156 00:14:22,283 --> 00:14:24,044 What's so scary about love? 157 00:14:28,255 --> 00:14:29,912 It's not love that I'm afraid of. 158 00:14:31,603 --> 00:14:33,087 They're never gonna accept us, Chuck. 159 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,951 No matter how hard we try to fit in. 160 00:14:35,262 --> 00:14:37,022 Hate is thicker than blood. 161 00:14:43,063 --> 00:14:44,409 I might need to do it. 162 00:14:44,443 --> 00:14:46,687 Woah, I think we just did. 163 00:14:46,721 --> 00:14:49,448 No, not that. 164 00:14:49,483 --> 00:14:53,211 I mean, the gift you know? 165 00:14:53,245 --> 00:14:55,972 I wanna... I wanna become like you. 166 00:14:56,007 --> 00:14:57,422 You think it's a gift? 167 00:14:59,079 --> 00:15:00,390 To never see a sunrise? 168 00:15:00,425 --> 00:15:02,392 To be hunted and persecuted wherever you go? 169 00:15:07,777 --> 00:15:10,228 If that's what it takes to be yours, then yeah. 170 00:15:10,711 --> 00:15:12,299 You're already mine, dummy. 171 00:15:13,817 --> 00:15:16,199 We're just on different time zones. 172 00:15:20,755 --> 00:15:23,103 You know that thing that you were saying about, 173 00:15:23,137 --> 00:15:26,244 like, running away? 174 00:15:27,348 --> 00:15:28,522 Were you serious? 175 00:15:28,556 --> 00:15:30,041 It's all I ever think about. 176 00:15:33,354 --> 00:15:35,149 Where would you go? 177 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,288 Alaska. 178 00:15:36,599 --> 00:15:38,187 Why? What's in Alaska? 179 00:15:39,636 --> 00:15:41,673 Six months of continuous night. 180 00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:44,745 So there. 181 00:15:46,298 --> 00:15:48,507 And what would we do for the other six months? 182 00:15:49,439 --> 00:15:52,063 We could hibernate. Five times a day. 183 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,224 Dude, what the fuck? What are you doing? 184 00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:17,191 Checking for hickies, stupid. What do you think? 185 00:16:18,296 --> 00:16:19,228 Still got your junk down there 186 00:16:19,262 --> 00:16:20,722 or did your girlfriend bite it off? 187 00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:21,644 Sick. 188 00:16:21,678 --> 00:16:23,335 Me? 189 00:16:23,370 --> 00:16:26,821 I'm not the one playing hide the salami with a walking corpse. 190 00:16:26,856 --> 00:16:30,687 Alex, son, you have no idea what you are dealing with. 191 00:16:31,274 --> 00:16:32,758 Like you do? 192 00:16:32,793 --> 00:16:36,314 Yes, as a matter of fact I do. 193 00:16:36,348 --> 00:16:38,588 You know, I never told you how your mother actually died. 194 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:49,741 Ten years ago, she was attacked by one of those things. 195 00:16:51,639 --> 00:16:54,504 All the blood drained from her body. 196 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,201 But the nightmare didn't end there, no sir. 197 00:17:02,616 --> 00:17:04,065 It was just the beginning. 198 00:17:06,757 --> 00:17:12,522 The night of her funeral, your mother came home. 199 00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:18,458 Little boy, let me in. Mommy's so cold. 200 00:17:19,598 --> 00:17:21,290 You know, I still see her wearing the dress 201 00:17:21,324 --> 00:17:23,361 that we buried her in? 202 00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:28,607 She came for you, Alex. Her only child. 203 00:17:30,437 --> 00:17:31,541 So... 204 00:17:33,888 --> 00:17:36,581 I did what any man would do 205 00:17:36,615 --> 00:17:39,377 and I drove a stake through that thing's heart. 206 00:17:39,411 --> 00:17:40,274 You killed my mother? 207 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,173 I released her! 208 00:17:48,179 --> 00:17:49,352 Open it. 209 00:17:56,601 --> 00:17:57,888 What am I supposed to do with this? 210 00:17:57,912 --> 00:17:59,155 I think you know. 211 00:18:00,398 --> 00:18:03,470 You would be doing that girl a favor. 212 00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:05,782 She does not want to be the way she is. 213 00:18:05,817 --> 00:18:07,439 It is unnatural. 214 00:18:08,406 --> 00:18:10,925 There is no mercy for the undead. 215 00:18:11,892 --> 00:18:15,723 Destroy her, son, or someone else will do it for you. 216 00:18:16,552 --> 00:18:18,692 I'm not your fucking son. 217 00:18:29,392 --> 00:18:30,392 Doug Roach here. 218 00:18:31,705 --> 00:18:33,810 You up for a little hunting excursion? 219 00:18:35,502 --> 00:18:38,781 Yeah, getting the band back together. 220 00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:41,818 Just like old times. 221 00:18:42,923 --> 00:18:44,373 What are we gunning for? 222 00:18:45,995 --> 00:18:49,585 Leaches. And they're looking to breed. 223 00:19:05,808 --> 00:19:07,189 Hello, darling. 224 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:24,412 Anna! 225 00:19:25,310 --> 00:19:26,415 Anna! 226 00:19:31,696 --> 00:19:32,696 Fuck! 227 00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:36,666 Make some noise when you do that, please. 228 00:19:36,701 --> 00:19:38,392 Boo. What is going on? 229 00:19:39,773 --> 00:19:42,638 It's my old man. Bad shit is about to go down. 230 00:19:42,672 --> 00:19:45,710 We need to go now. Tonight, like now. 231 00:19:45,744 --> 00:19:46,918 Alex, that's crazy. 232 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,644 I can't just leave, what about my parents? 233 00:19:48,678 --> 00:19:49,921 Don't worry. 234 00:19:51,923 --> 00:19:53,476 We'll be visiting them soon enough. 235 00:19:53,511 --> 00:19:54,650 How did you find us? 236 00:19:54,684 --> 00:19:56,824 There's a tracker on your phone, stupid. 237 00:19:58,688 --> 00:19:59,965 Hey, get that out of her face 238 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,440 or I'll stick it up your fucking ass! 239 00:20:01,588 --> 00:20:02,313 Alex! 240 00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:03,831 No! 241 00:20:03,866 --> 00:20:04,866 Alex! 242 00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:07,456 Now look what you did. 243 00:20:08,526 --> 00:20:10,631 Please, it doesn't have to be this way. 244 00:20:11,114 --> 00:20:12,495 You can just let us be. 245 00:20:12,530 --> 00:20:15,084 Let you be? Why? 246 00:20:15,118 --> 00:20:17,535 So your kind can pollute the world? 247 00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:21,021 Not on my watch, sweetie. 248 00:20:21,055 --> 00:20:24,990 We didn't start this war but we sure as shit gonna end it. 249 00:20:27,855 --> 00:20:28,856 Hold still. 250 00:20:30,548 --> 00:20:31,618 I'll make this fast. 251 00:20:37,417 --> 00:20:39,833 She can't be far, spread out. Spread out. 252 00:20:50,395 --> 00:20:51,810 You're all gonna die tonight. 253 00:21:10,726 --> 00:21:12,452 Don't worry, I'll make this fast. 254 00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:26,362 God, Alex. 255 00:21:27,743 --> 00:21:29,469 You're like a goddamn super hero. 256 00:21:29,745 --> 00:21:30,539 Alex, your heart. 257 00:21:30,573 --> 00:21:31,263 We have to get you to a hospital. 258 00:21:31,298 --> 00:21:32,920 I don't think I can look. 259 00:21:34,474 --> 00:21:35,830 The sun's coming up, you have to go. 260 00:21:35,854 --> 00:21:37,028 Shh, stop, stop, stop. 261 00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:38,143 - No please, you have to go. - Don't talk. 262 00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:39,064 You'll die if I go. 263 00:21:39,099 --> 00:21:40,549 You're gonna die if you stay. 264 00:21:45,174 --> 00:21:46,174 Hey. 265 00:22:03,606 --> 00:22:05,505 It's even more beautiful than I imagined. 266 00:22:18,241 --> 00:22:21,003 Please, please save him! 267 00:22:33,049 --> 00:22:34,913 Alaska, okay? 268 00:22:37,571 --> 00:22:38,676 I'm so there. 269 00:23:07,946 --> 00:23:08,946 Hello? 270 00:23:10,259 --> 00:23:11,571 What the hell is this? 271 00:23:14,815 --> 00:23:15,954 I can't move my... 272 00:23:17,231 --> 00:23:19,624 Somebody better tell me what the hell's going on around here, 273 00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:20,821 and fast! 274 00:23:24,238 --> 00:23:25,757 Look who's up. 275 00:23:27,276 --> 00:23:30,106 Chuck, Helena. 276 00:23:30,141 --> 00:23:32,108 I don't know what you think you're doing 277 00:23:32,143 --> 00:23:34,145 but you have about two seconds 278 00:23:34,179 --> 00:23:37,804 to undo these chains or I swear to god, 279 00:23:37,838 --> 00:23:40,220 I will sue your asses back to Transylvania. 280 00:23:42,084 --> 00:23:44,120 We're not from Transylvania, Doug. 281 00:23:44,604 --> 00:23:46,468 We're from Pennsylvania. 282 00:23:46,916 --> 00:23:47,917 Who... 283 00:23:51,300 --> 00:23:53,578 No, no, no, no. 284 00:23:54,027 --> 00:23:55,994 You gotta be shitting me! 285 00:23:56,236 --> 00:23:58,859 Shoot. It's another blood sucker. 286 00:23:58,894 --> 00:24:00,482 There goes the neighborhood. 287 00:24:04,934 --> 00:24:06,488 Son... Alex. 288 00:24:07,592 --> 00:24:09,939 Undo these chains... Please. 289 00:24:11,631 --> 00:24:12,666 And infect our town? 290 00:24:15,117 --> 00:24:17,050 No, no, no, no. Not that. 291 00:24:17,982 --> 00:24:19,155 Show a little mercy. 292 00:24:20,950 --> 00:24:22,538 There is no mercy for the undead. 293 00:24:22,814 --> 00:24:26,093 No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no!!! 294 00:25:54,216 --> 00:25:55,296 Damn, why don't you leave some drops for the rest of us? 295 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,770 We got more coming, let's move. 296 00:25:57,771 --> 00:25:58,945 Nice! 297 00:26:01,292 --> 00:26:01,982 Dave, Dave, Dave... 298 00:26:02,017 --> 00:26:04,019 Hey, hey, hey! Check this out. 299 00:26:04,053 --> 00:26:05,053 Shit. 300 00:26:06,849 --> 00:26:09,645 Sorry guys, my dad just came in and totally broke my focus. 301 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:10,163 Hold on a sec. 302 00:26:10,197 --> 00:26:11,716 Behold. 303 00:26:11,751 --> 00:26:13,631 Sorry guys, I'll catch y'all at school tomorrow. 304 00:26:17,791 --> 00:26:18,791 Nice relic. 305 00:26:20,345 --> 00:26:21,553 Woah, is this you? 306 00:26:21,588 --> 00:26:24,384 Hey, your old man had the highest score in the southwest. 307 00:26:24,418 --> 00:26:26,455 I'd have won the national championship 308 00:26:26,489 --> 00:26:28,146 if they hadn't have canceled it. 309 00:26:28,181 --> 00:26:30,228 And for some reason they pulled all the copies of the game 310 00:26:30,252 --> 00:26:32,668 off the shelves and buried them in the desert 311 00:26:32,703 --> 00:26:34,946 and didn't tell anyone why. 312 00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:39,813 Weird Wednesday. Sounds dumb. 313 00:26:41,159 --> 00:26:43,127 Wait, Dad. Dad what are you doing? 314 00:26:43,817 --> 00:26:45,370 You are gonna love it. 315 00:26:45,888 --> 00:26:49,202 This game requires laser focus and iron will. 316 00:26:49,236 --> 00:26:51,963 It's a game that's not balanced and not fair. 317 00:26:51,998 --> 00:26:55,070 Brutal in its simplicity. 318 00:26:55,484 --> 00:26:56,875 There's no way some old 8-bit clunker 319 00:26:56,899 --> 00:26:59,074 is gonna be harder than Sentinel Strike. 320 00:26:59,350 --> 00:27:01,145 Ok, well you just watch. 321 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,390 So, what do you do? 322 00:27:05,425 --> 00:27:07,013 You just gotta get across town. 323 00:27:07,047 --> 00:27:08,117 That sounds terrible. 324 00:27:08,152 --> 00:27:10,395 No, no, no. That's the beauty of it. 325 00:27:10,430 --> 00:27:11,362 Simplicity. 326 00:27:11,396 --> 00:27:14,227 You never know what is going to kill you. 327 00:27:14,261 --> 00:27:16,332 The newspaper, the raccoon in the trash, 328 00:27:16,367 --> 00:27:17,506 the toaster oven. 329 00:27:17,540 --> 00:27:19,266 It could even be the lamp. 330 00:27:19,301 --> 00:27:21,786 I mean, you have no idea what is deadly. 331 00:27:22,304 --> 00:27:23,788 So how do you win? 332 00:27:23,823 --> 00:27:25,169 I don't know. 333 00:27:25,203 --> 00:27:29,069 I mean, no player's ever reached the final level before. 334 00:27:29,104 --> 00:27:31,244 The competition was always high score. 335 00:27:31,554 --> 00:27:32,832 Ok. 336 00:27:32,866 --> 00:27:36,111 Now, just like riding a bike. 337 00:27:43,532 --> 00:27:45,499 Ok, ok, you laugh, but it's been 30 years 338 00:27:45,534 --> 00:27:48,088 since I played this game, remember? 339 00:27:48,123 --> 00:27:49,227 It's all coming back to me, 340 00:27:49,262 --> 00:27:51,333 I just need to sharpen up a little. 341 00:27:51,954 --> 00:27:53,922 Come on, let me try. 342 00:28:06,348 --> 00:28:08,730 Shit, this is hard. 343 00:28:09,213 --> 00:28:10,386 Yeah, I told you. 344 00:28:18,325 --> 00:28:19,464 Dang. 345 00:28:21,225 --> 00:28:23,089 What does JEF spell? 346 00:28:24,193 --> 00:28:26,353 Well, savor it while it lasts, it's gonna be mine soon. 347 00:28:28,197 --> 00:28:28,957 Did you see it? 348 00:28:28,991 --> 00:28:30,130 No, what was on it? 349 00:28:30,165 --> 00:28:32,005 It was like this weird little drawing of the teacher. 350 00:28:32,029 --> 00:28:34,376 Hey! You guys gotta try this old game. 351 00:28:34,410 --> 00:28:36,067 What game? Is it any good? 352 00:28:36,102 --> 00:28:37,103 No, it's the worst. 353 00:28:37,137 --> 00:28:38,218 You're just this little 8-bit dude 354 00:28:38,242 --> 00:28:39,598 and you have to dodge flying toasters and stuff 355 00:28:39,622 --> 00:28:41,417 but it's insanely hard. 356 00:28:41,452 --> 00:28:42,902 Have you beat it yet? 357 00:28:42,936 --> 00:28:44,110 It's impossible. 358 00:28:44,144 --> 00:28:45,294 No one's ever made it to the final level. 359 00:28:45,318 --> 00:28:48,183 Wait, I thought you said no game is impossible to beat? 360 00:28:48,217 --> 00:28:49,425 Bet I can beat it first. 361 00:28:49,460 --> 00:28:50,875 So competitive, Reina. 362 00:28:50,910 --> 00:28:52,301 You know, that's why I broke up with you, right? 363 00:28:52,325 --> 00:28:54,879 You broke up with me? I don't remember that. 364 00:28:54,914 --> 00:28:56,985 I remember you crying, a lot. 365 00:28:57,019 --> 00:28:57,882 Yeah. 366 00:28:57,917 --> 00:29:00,229 And the flowers. And the love song. 367 00:29:00,264 --> 00:29:01,817 Look out for the shovel! 368 00:29:01,852 --> 00:29:03,370 I got it, I got it! 369 00:29:05,856 --> 00:29:07,443 You're doing great. 370 00:29:08,237 --> 00:29:09,135 Savor it while it lasts, Dad, 371 00:29:09,169 --> 00:29:11,137 that high score is gonna be mine soon. 372 00:29:11,171 --> 00:29:14,243 No one can defeat me! 373 00:29:14,278 --> 00:29:15,072 It's on. 374 00:29:15,106 --> 00:29:16,418 On like Donkey Kong. 375 00:29:18,420 --> 00:29:20,020 That's the delivery guy, I'll get it. 376 00:29:23,114 --> 00:29:24,598 - Hey, Spencer. - What's up? 377 00:29:24,633 --> 00:29:27,084 Reina, it's good to see you. Dave's down in the basement. 378 00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:31,053 Hey, Mr. D. How're you holding up? 379 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:33,660 You know. Taking it one day at a time. 380 00:29:36,127 --> 00:29:39,337 So, tell me honestly. How's Dave doing? 381 00:29:40,511 --> 00:29:42,133 You should ask him that yourself. 382 00:29:42,962 --> 00:29:45,827 I would, but he doesn't exactly talk to me. 383 00:29:47,242 --> 00:29:49,347 Maybe just give him some time. 384 00:29:50,383 --> 00:29:51,383 Yeah. 385 00:29:52,419 --> 00:29:54,456 Look, I'm really glad that you guys stayed friends. 386 00:29:54,490 --> 00:29:56,044 Yeah, me too. 387 00:30:09,367 --> 00:30:10,472 Hey, what's up Reina? 388 00:30:10,990 --> 00:30:12,381 I can't wait for you guys to play this. 389 00:30:12,405 --> 00:30:13,164 It's ridiculous. 390 00:30:15,718 --> 00:30:17,099 Aw! 391 00:30:17,134 --> 00:30:19,170 Death by mailbox. Brutal. 392 00:30:19,205 --> 00:30:20,206 Hey, good try. 393 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,416 I know a little trick to get past that level. 394 00:30:23,450 --> 00:30:25,590 It's ok. You can, just show me later. 395 00:30:27,523 --> 00:30:30,595 Ok, um, I'll be just upstairs. 396 00:30:31,286 --> 00:30:32,943 Ok. Bye, Dad. 397 00:30:33,391 --> 00:30:34,565 How do you beat that? 398 00:30:35,014 --> 00:30:36,360 You'll get the hang of it. Here. 399 00:30:57,415 --> 00:31:00,971 Yes! My god. Yes! 400 00:31:01,005 --> 00:31:01,592 Are you ok? 401 00:31:01,626 --> 00:31:03,111 Boom! In your face! 402 00:31:03,145 --> 00:31:04,664 I won. I won. 403 00:31:06,079 --> 00:31:07,563 You just beat the final boss? 404 00:31:07,598 --> 00:31:10,221 No, I beat you, Dad. I beat you. 405 00:31:11,982 --> 00:31:14,294 Woah, ok, woah, woah. 406 00:31:14,329 --> 00:31:17,677 Son, you didn't win, you just got the highest score. 407 00:31:17,711 --> 00:31:19,541 But we still need to beat it. 408 00:31:21,508 --> 00:31:23,407 Dad, it's impossible. 409 00:31:23,441 --> 00:31:24,995 It literally says on the game, 410 00:31:25,029 --> 00:31:26,410 "Never beaten by a single player." 411 00:31:26,686 --> 00:31:27,721 It's like a feature. 412 00:31:28,136 --> 00:31:29,447 Yeah, well not yet. 413 00:31:29,654 --> 00:31:31,587 This game has met its match 414 00:31:31,622 --> 00:31:34,452 with this awesome father/son duo? 415 00:31:36,282 --> 00:31:38,560 Um, I think I'm gonna head to bed. 416 00:31:47,603 --> 00:31:48,603 Check this out. 417 00:31:49,605 --> 00:31:51,480 I got a console and a copy of the game off eBay. 418 00:31:51,504 --> 00:31:54,748 Seller listed it crazy cheap. And it was cursed or something. 419 00:31:55,439 --> 00:31:56,750 Like, the game murdered her kids. 420 00:31:57,544 --> 00:31:59,063 - Okay. - So many whack-jobs on there. 421 00:31:59,512 --> 00:32:01,134 And look, it came with a cheat code. 422 00:32:01,617 --> 00:32:03,457 Come on. You know cheater wins don't count. 423 00:32:03,481 --> 00:32:06,001 - Yeah, straight facts. - Whatever. My gosh. 424 00:32:12,283 --> 00:32:14,113 What's up? 425 00:32:14,699 --> 00:32:16,011 Nothing, just my dad. 426 00:32:16,356 --> 00:32:18,151 Aren't you going to respond? 427 00:32:19,325 --> 00:32:21,396 Cold! 428 00:32:24,537 --> 00:32:27,057 You know, your dad's pretty cool, for a dad. 429 00:32:27,367 --> 00:32:30,094 He's not cool. He's nice. 430 00:32:31,095 --> 00:32:32,683 Still cuts the crusts off my sandwiches. 431 00:32:32,717 --> 00:32:33,753 They sound delicious. 432 00:32:33,787 --> 00:32:35,651 They are, but like, never lets me do anything. 433 00:32:36,066 --> 00:32:37,626 Won't even let me take my driver's test. 434 00:32:37,688 --> 00:32:39,759 You're his baby and he's lonely. 435 00:32:40,173 --> 00:32:41,312 Lucky me. 436 00:32:42,348 --> 00:32:43,748 Hey, Reina can I borrow your system? 437 00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:45,523 What? No way. I just got it. 438 00:32:46,145 --> 00:32:48,388 Plus, I need to crush Dave's high score. 439 00:32:48,664 --> 00:32:49,803 Put him in his place. 440 00:32:49,838 --> 00:32:51,816 Fair and square though. Better not use that cheat code. 441 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:53,186 Like I'd need it. 442 00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:54,153 Come on, let me borrow it. 443 00:32:54,187 --> 00:32:56,293 You said you had to study tonight anyway. 444 00:32:57,432 --> 00:32:59,296 One night, nerd. One. 445 00:33:05,371 --> 00:33:07,545 Hey, I missed you last night. What'd you get up to? 446 00:33:07,856 --> 00:33:09,409 Just chilling at Reina's. 447 00:33:09,444 --> 00:33:11,860 You two getting back together? She's great. 448 00:33:11,894 --> 00:33:13,241 No, god dad. 449 00:33:13,275 --> 00:33:14,828 We were just playing Weird Wednesday. 450 00:33:15,864 --> 00:33:17,072 Are you ready to hunker down 451 00:33:17,107 --> 00:33:20,627 for an all day, no-holds-barred rematch with your old man? 452 00:33:20,662 --> 00:33:21,663 I'll pass. 453 00:33:22,595 --> 00:33:26,530 Hey, Dave, look. I'll make you a deal. 454 00:33:26,564 --> 00:33:28,256 Hey, you beat the game first, 455 00:33:28,290 --> 00:33:30,223 I will take you to get your license. 456 00:33:30,430 --> 00:33:32,191 What's the catch? 457 00:33:32,225 --> 00:33:33,640 Well, if I win first, 458 00:33:33,675 --> 00:33:36,298 you have to hang out with me every Friday night. 459 00:33:38,818 --> 00:33:39,818 Deal? 460 00:33:41,338 --> 00:33:42,338 Deal. 461 00:33:44,617 --> 00:33:46,136 Did you use the cheat code? 462 00:33:46,170 --> 00:33:47,596 There's a new character to choose from. 463 00:33:47,620 --> 00:33:49,691 I didn't do anything. He just showed up. 464 00:33:51,244 --> 00:33:52,383 Kind of looks like Spencer. 465 00:33:52,418 --> 00:33:54,316 That asshole still has my console. 466 00:33:54,558 --> 00:33:56,678 Well I'll text him to bring it when he comes over. 467 00:33:57,147 --> 00:33:59,356 Thanks. What's up with this new guy? 468 00:33:59,735 --> 00:34:01,575 It's like he doesn't want to move or something. 469 00:34:01,737 --> 00:34:04,361 Look at his face! So freaked out. 470 00:34:07,295 --> 00:34:08,537 Come on dude, pick up. 471 00:34:10,298 --> 00:34:11,575 Yo, Spencer, where you at, man? 472 00:34:11,608 --> 00:34:13,968 Gotta come out to my house and check out this new character. 473 00:34:16,235 --> 00:34:18,133 The freaking squirrel flew into my face. 474 00:34:22,172 --> 00:34:23,172 Let me play. 475 00:34:28,454 --> 00:34:29,834 Spencer's gotta see this. 476 00:34:30,870 --> 00:34:32,905 God. Every time. 477 00:34:32,941 --> 00:34:35,356 It's the same thing every time. 478 00:34:38,188 --> 00:34:39,258 Cheer up, take it. 479 00:34:42,432 --> 00:34:43,572 Keep going, you got it. 480 00:35:00,382 --> 00:35:01,935 Man, what happened to the new guy? 481 00:35:04,421 --> 00:35:06,354 This idiot is totally ghosting me. 482 00:35:06,975 --> 00:35:08,528 Let's go get my console. 483 00:35:13,223 --> 00:35:15,363 Dave, it's so good to see you. Hey, Reina. 484 00:35:15,397 --> 00:35:16,685 Spencer's not answering his phone. 485 00:35:16,709 --> 00:35:18,366 Have you seen him? 486 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,575 No, we haven't seen him. We thought he was here. 487 00:35:20,609 --> 00:35:22,473 He was playing some old video game this morning 488 00:35:22,508 --> 00:35:24,372 then he walked out and didn't come home. 489 00:35:24,406 --> 00:35:27,375 He borrowed my game system actually, can I grab it? 490 00:35:27,409 --> 00:35:28,409 Come on in, yeah. 491 00:35:41,699 --> 00:35:43,011 Hey, if you see Spencer, 492 00:35:43,045 --> 00:35:46,842 tell him to call me right away. Moms worry. 493 00:35:46,877 --> 00:35:48,465 Sure, no problem. 494 00:35:52,676 --> 00:35:56,300 Spencer's not usually so MIA. 495 00:35:56,335 --> 00:35:57,588 He's probably hanging out with Jessica 496 00:35:57,612 --> 00:35:58,934 and just doesn't want his mom to know. 497 00:35:58,958 --> 00:35:59,958 Probably. 498 00:36:00,753 --> 00:36:02,193 I gotta get back to playing the game. 499 00:36:02,410 --> 00:36:03,594 My dad's on some new forest level now 500 00:36:03,618 --> 00:36:05,275 I've never even seen before. 501 00:36:05,309 --> 00:36:06,838 It's probably getting close to the final boss. 502 00:36:06,862 --> 00:36:09,900 You know he just wants to spend time with you, right? 503 00:36:09,934 --> 00:36:11,488 Too much time. 504 00:36:11,522 --> 00:36:13,482 If he wins, I'm stuck with him every Friday night. 505 00:36:13,835 --> 00:36:14,835 Woah. 506 00:36:17,701 --> 00:36:18,702 Want some ice cream? 507 00:36:19,841 --> 00:36:20,566 Damn. 508 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:21,600 Jeez. 509 00:36:40,896 --> 00:36:42,312 I'm gonna go get some chips. 510 00:36:45,729 --> 00:36:46,730 Come on. 511 00:36:51,044 --> 00:36:52,045 Fuck it. 512 00:36:56,912 --> 00:36:57,912 Alright. 513 00:37:05,438 --> 00:37:06,922 What, what the hell? 514 00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:13,757 Dave, why are you being so weird? 515 00:37:15,414 --> 00:37:17,830 Are you on drugs? Dude, just sit down. 516 00:37:18,555 --> 00:37:20,764 I can't. It's like someone's controlling me. 517 00:37:20,798 --> 00:37:22,628 No one is controlling you. 518 00:37:22,869 --> 00:37:24,906 You have like, free will, you know? 519 00:37:28,012 --> 00:37:29,428 It's not funny. 520 00:37:29,462 --> 00:37:31,395 It definitely is. What's up with the screen? 521 00:37:31,430 --> 00:37:33,017 This some new mode? 522 00:37:33,052 --> 00:37:34,122 I put in the cheat code. 523 00:37:34,156 --> 00:37:35,088 Cheater! 524 00:37:35,123 --> 00:37:37,332 The eBay seller said it was cursed, right? 525 00:37:37,367 --> 00:37:39,127 You believe every dumbass on eBay? 526 00:37:39,161 --> 00:37:40,715 I do now! 527 00:37:40,749 --> 00:37:41,785 You're so high. 528 00:37:42,889 --> 00:37:47,031 Nobody wins this game. Ever. 529 00:37:47,618 --> 00:37:50,000 Chill. I'll just turn off the power. 530 00:37:50,828 --> 00:37:51,829 Ok. 531 00:37:58,146 --> 00:38:00,424 Don't ever do that again. 532 00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:03,082 You're in the game! Fuck. 533 00:38:05,843 --> 00:38:06,948 Dave, come back. 534 00:38:07,397 --> 00:38:08,398 I can't! 535 00:38:12,678 --> 00:38:13,678 Yeah. 536 00:38:19,201 --> 00:38:20,375 God. 537 00:38:34,009 --> 00:38:35,009 I died. 538 00:38:35,873 --> 00:38:38,082 I think you respawned. 539 00:38:39,739 --> 00:38:41,362 What happens when I run out of lives? 540 00:38:42,846 --> 00:38:44,813 God. Spencer. 541 00:38:45,089 --> 00:38:47,126 He ran out of lives and now he's dead. 542 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,439 Don't... run out of lives. 543 00:38:50,474 --> 00:38:51,475 Reina! 544 00:38:55,617 --> 00:38:56,617 Whoa! 545 00:39:16,707 --> 00:39:18,709 Do something! I don't want to die again. 546 00:39:18,916 --> 00:39:20,193 It hurts. 547 00:39:20,228 --> 00:39:22,028 Wait, if you're the player, who's playing you? 548 00:39:35,657 --> 00:39:36,657 Come on. 549 00:39:37,176 --> 00:39:38,176 Come on, come on! 550 00:39:56,506 --> 00:39:57,679 Fuck, fuck! 551 00:40:00,130 --> 00:40:03,167 Argh! Stupid knife store. 552 00:40:06,585 --> 00:40:08,863 God. God, god. 553 00:40:09,208 --> 00:40:12,073 Last life. In it to win it. 554 00:40:49,248 --> 00:40:52,147 Final boss, here I come. 555 00:41:07,646 --> 00:41:08,646 What? 556 00:41:14,376 --> 00:41:15,550 Woah. 557 00:41:40,955 --> 00:41:41,956 Thank god. 558 00:41:41,990 --> 00:41:42,819 The new character's actually Dave. 559 00:41:42,853 --> 00:41:44,303 He used the cheat code, 560 00:41:44,337 --> 00:41:46,618 got sucked into the video game, and if you lose he'll die. 561 00:41:46,754 --> 00:41:47,754 What? 562 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,001 My god. 563 00:41:54,382 --> 00:41:55,694 I'll unplug it. 564 00:41:55,728 --> 00:41:57,350 No, trust me, that doesn't work. 565 00:41:57,385 --> 00:41:58,697 We have to win. 566 00:42:00,250 --> 00:42:01,941 Okay. Let's do it. 567 00:42:08,292 --> 00:42:09,708 Two player? 568 00:42:11,364 --> 00:42:12,814 Ok, I'm going in. 569 00:42:12,849 --> 00:42:14,609 Mr. D, that's crazy. 570 00:42:14,644 --> 00:42:15,862 You don't know what's gonna happen. 571 00:42:15,886 --> 00:42:17,992 Well, I know that I have to try. 572 00:42:21,409 --> 00:42:23,998 The game has never been beaten by a single player. 573 00:42:24,723 --> 00:42:29,900 But, if we work together, we can beat it. 574 00:42:40,117 --> 00:42:41,117 Hey, pal. 575 00:42:42,016 --> 00:42:43,742 The game is harder than you thought? 576 00:42:44,225 --> 00:42:46,848 Hell yeah. I can move again. 577 00:42:47,297 --> 00:42:48,401 Who's controlling me? 578 00:42:49,299 --> 00:42:52,336 I was. We're in two player mode now. 579 00:42:55,443 --> 00:42:56,443 You ready? 580 00:42:57,376 --> 00:42:58,376 Let's do this. 581 00:43:24,748 --> 00:43:25,956 Come on, guys! 582 00:43:28,062 --> 00:43:29,201 Is that all you got? 583 00:43:32,894 --> 00:43:34,378 Eat this, ET! 584 00:43:41,316 --> 00:43:42,316 Dave!!! 585 00:43:42,490 --> 00:43:43,490 Dad! 586 00:43:45,217 --> 00:43:46,908 My god. My god. 587 00:43:55,745 --> 00:43:59,127 I'm sorry, son. I just wanted to protect you. 588 00:43:59,162 --> 00:44:00,162 I love you. 589 00:44:03,304 --> 00:44:04,304 You can do this. 590 00:44:05,962 --> 00:44:06,963 I love you too, Dad. 591 00:44:08,067 --> 00:44:09,067 Son! 592 00:44:09,931 --> 00:44:10,931 Come on! 593 00:44:17,421 --> 00:44:19,216 Hey, Dad, we win. 594 00:44:43,206 --> 00:44:45,380 Yes! 595 00:45:11,130 --> 00:45:14,927 So, what's next, Mr. Driver's License? 596 00:45:16,998 --> 00:45:19,000 Just home. Reina's coming over. 597 00:45:21,140 --> 00:45:23,177 You know what? Why don't you go pick her up? 598 00:45:24,005 --> 00:45:27,215 Do something fun. As friends, of course. 599 00:45:28,941 --> 00:45:30,253 I'll walk home. 600 00:45:36,535 --> 00:45:37,536 Hey, Dad. 601 00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:41,040 Wanna play ball tomorrow or something? 602 00:45:41,851 --> 00:45:44,267 Yeah. Yeah, I'd love that. 38450

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