All language subtitles for Alphonse s01e05.eng

What time is it?

- 9:20.
- Shit.

Raise your hands, please.

- How do I know you won't fuck me over?
- You don't.

Besides, I haven't gotten laid
in four months.

Not unlike being in jail...

Why would I talk to you then?

I don't know.

Maybe because you called me.

You asked me to come here.

So here I am, in the morning,
and I hate mornings.

Some motherfuckers on the outside
have stolen my money.

- How much?
- A lot.

I like the sound of that.

- Who are these guys?
- No idea, some weird dudes.

I don't know what they're up to,
but it's shady as fuck.

They decided to fuck with me
and my grandmother.

There's a grandmother in the story?
And a big bad wolf?

She's dead.

I'm sorry.

I don't give a shit, she was a bitch.

Anything else about these guys?

Phone numbers, addresses, photos?
Any DNA samples?

I swear to God, you're so weird, bro.

Yes, I know.

Okay.

Too bad.

- Wait.
- Yeah?

Okay.

I'll tell you what I know,
you get them to cough up the dough.

What's in it for me?

Ten percent of the cash.

- Twenty.
- Ten.

- Fifteen.
- Ten.

I'm listening.

How are you doing?

Did you have a good week?

You're not saying anything?

Very good.

Silence therapy.

You can say a lot by not saying anything.

Good morning.

Did you sleep here?

I don't know, I was feeling good.

You fell asleep,
I thought I would surprise you.

Surprise me?

Did you think I'd like that?

What were you thinking exactly?

Screwing rich old ladies
doesn't make you irresistible.

You're really good in bed,
but so is my vibrator.

Okay.

I wasn't clear enough, I'll pay,
it'll be easier.

- No.
- Yes!

Don't forget you're getting paid.
You're offering a service.

I'm gonna take a shower.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Can I help you?
- Yes.

What are you looking for?

Wait, I'm sure I still have it.

Back then, I had an old Leica.

I would take pictures of everyone.

Isn't that �ve?

Yes. She was beautiful.

She still is, you know.

Yes.

What can I do?

You need to persist, my friend.

I tried everything! She's crazy.

The woman I cheated on her with,

she was so stupid, I'm telling you.

I lost everything
for the worst night in my life.

How did she find out?

I told her.

Well...

Yes, I know.

There it is!
I knew it was there somewhere.

You've never seen a photo of her?

My father threw away everything
when she left.

I see.

I'll make us some tea.

This is such a cute place.

- It's far better than a hotel.
- It's temporary.

Like everything else.

You were so beautiful.

I was happy.

I'm really sorry,
that's very unusual for us.

I promise it won't happen again.

Thank you.

Can I talk to you?

You've been smoking.

Just two drags.

- Do you want to die?
- No, to live.

- I have to talk to you.
- Not now, I have an important dinner.

You missed two clients today.

- I know, I had to...
- To do what?

They were very upset.
You could have told me.

It's not a big deal.

Of course, nothing's a big deal
for you anymore, right?

What do you mean?

Forget it.

- Did you go through my stuff?
- No, I didn't.

I opened the briefcase
you left in my living room.

I didn't know
there was 600,000 euros in it.

Did you count it?

It's my job to count how much you make.

I'd like to know
whose ass gave you so much money.

It's none of your business.

Are you fucking kidding me?

A suitcase full of money here
isn't my business?

Don't get me involved
in your dodgy business.

LOL!

- What?
- Nothing.

Where does this money come from?

I'm talking to you.
If you don't tell me...

Are you gonna kick my ass, spank me?

Take away my allowance?

Tell me where you got it
or I'll throw it away.

What's so funny?

- You could never do that.
- And why is that?

You love money too much.

There's only two things you love in life,
women and money.

And my son.

Way behind the rest. Okay, bye.

Don't touch my money.

Maybe I'll give you a big cut.

Poor bastard.

- Sorry I'm late.
- I don't want to know why.

- It's not what you think...
- Good.

So, how have you been?

Good.

- I...
- No, actually...

I'm not sure I want to know.

Okay... So...

I have to admit,
it's going to be difficult to talk.

Do you want to cancel?

No. I agreed to this.

You're here, I'm here.

I'm hungry, I'm thirsty.

Who is she?

I don't know, I don't have any info.

Then it will be a surprise.

It can happen sometimes, because...

Anyway.

But we should smile.

- Smile?
- Yes.

Look comfortable, close.

In love.

Good luck with that.

You know,

I really enjoyed the last time
we got together.

But it was painful, too.

Same for me.

The same what? The joy or the pain?

Same. Or I wouldn't be here.
But I'm not sure I'll go all the way.

You have the right to...

Thank you.

I'll shut up.

- Ma'am.
- Thank you.

Okay.

How are you, my love?

Very well, darling.

Have a nice day?

Very good.

Why are you laughing, sweetheart?
Am I doing too much?

No, you're not.

- Are the kids all right?
- Yes.

But let me remind you we only have one.

Of course. Sure.

Because our first child died.

Too bad, I liked him a lot.

- More than the other.
- The one that's still alive?

Though he doesn't look so alive.

We should have stuffed him.

Like the pussy.

What was the pussy's name?

- L�on.
- L�on?

She has a boy's name?

- L�ontine.
- Excuse me.

- Can I ask you something?
- Please.

It's my first time here.

Can you recommend anything?

I can't decide between meat and fish.

Have both!

- Kidding.
- You're right.

It's so nice,
a couple that laughs together.

- Have you been married long?
- A very long time.

Too long.

I can't tell. You look in love.

Which is why I'm gonna really enjoy
licking your pussy.

Kidding.

It's nice to laugh, sometimes.

Excuse me, can I have a Kir to start?

Me, too.

- Two.
- Very well.

Here's what's gonna happen.

After the starter,
you're going to join me in the restroom.

You will wait for him to come back,
like an idiot,

and after ten minutes,
you'll come to see what's going on.

When you find us fucking
in the restroom,

feel free to improvise...

Burst into tears, verbal assault,
as you want.

Then after that,
you're going to decide to get revenge.

Fine by me.

You?

I don't know if I can ask...

Why this fantasy in particular?

Because...

It happened to me.

But I was you.

Actually, the restaurant
was very similar to this one.

But the girl was at the bar.

My husband and I were dining at table,
like we did every Saturday night.

We were talking about my work,
the house we'd just bought.

We'd drunk a little
and were in high spirits.

After the starter,
my husband went to the restroom.

I could see him look at her,

but I didn't want believe it.

I didn't know if I wanted to know.

I waited like an idiot for 15 minutes.

Then, I decided to go in there.

Slowly, quietly.

And then...

I heard everything.

The lump in my throat was so big,

I couldn't even cry.

But strangely enough,

after that night,

I became obsessed with that girl.

I found her and we had an affair.

We would meet regularly at a hotel.

My husband eventually found out.

At first, it turned him on.

Then, he got really mad.

He made me watch them make love.

What hurt the most

was seeing that asshole in Vanessa's arms.

I no longer had any feelings for him.

I stayed for my children.

But Vanessa...

She met another man
a few weeks later and...

She disappeared.

Pierre and I went to a few swingers clubs,

orgies,

and so on, but...

It was never really the same thrill.

Tonight, I'd like to...

...become that woman.

And your husband...

He committed suicide.

Two months ago.

Kidding.

He's the fat curly-haired guy at the bar.

Don't worry, he won't do a thing.

Say you're dying of jealousy.

I'm dying of jealousy.

Can you see in my eyes
how much pleasure he's giving me?

- Yes.
- Kiss me.

Thank you. You're perfect.
Like a real couple.

I'll see you soon, I hope.

Come on, Grandpa, let's go to bed.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Everything all right?
- Yes, you?

Yes, why?

I thought I heard screaming
coming from your place.

I thought...

- Screaming?
- Yes.

Laura?

So, when you say "older women,"

what do you mean?

Seventy, eighty.

- Eighty years old?
- Yes.

And how many of you are working
for this guy?

I haven't done anything yet.

- The guy hasn't called me back.
- Okay.

I think there's a lot of guys involved.

- It pays well.
- I can imagine.

The boss is weird.

He looks like a pervert.

In his wheelchair. He's super old.

When he talks about these women,
there's a fire deep within him.

Is that slam poetry?

- What?
- Forget it.

It's nothing. Okay. I'm good.

Here, for you.

Please, may I have your attention?

Mom, do you want to say something?

I wanted to thank you all for coming.

Even if some of you were against the idea

of christening our son.

Like my aunt Martha,

who I'm really glad to see here today.

I had to go through 17 secretaries
to talk to you.

But what matters is that you're here,
with your family.

I'm not going to talk too much
or I'll start crying.

Thank you again, and here's to Antonin.

Are you looking for something?

Yes.

Something with alcohol in it. Strong.

I quit drinking.

Your sister stopped buying it.

- Drinking problem?
- According to my doctor.

And according to your wife?

Her, too.

You haven't changed much.

The "much" part says a lot
about your incivility.

Are you happy?

No.

But seeing you old and balding
gives me great pleasure.

You haven't changed at all.

- There he is.
- Who is he?

The love of my life.

I didn't know that you...

Me neither.

It took me many years to realize that.

I'm happy for you.

That's a shame.

That's nice.

Can I try?

Sure, go ahead.

Thanks.

Wait, how does it go again?

- My grandmother taught me.
- You're good.

I'm all washed up. It's hopeless.

I don't think so.

- Show me.
- You're joking.

- Come on, play it again.
- No.

- You're better than me.
- No. Come on, play.

How many people have you slept with

since you got this job?

Ten?

Twenty?

Thirty?

More than 30?

How do you do it?

They like me.

They feel pleasure

with me.

I can feel that pleasure.

I can see it in their eyes.

The way they look at me.

How do they look at you?

- Come here.
- What?

Let's go, guys!

- Get out of here!
- What's happening?

Move!

- The money tomorrow or I'll kick your ass.
- What are you doing?

- Shut the fuck up!
- Easy.

- Easy.
- Shut up!

- Got it?
- What are you doing?

Get out the way!

Are you all right?

How should we split it, 50-50?

No, keep it all.

Why? You did half the work.

It's your first time, it's your bonus.

I have enough, I've come into big money.

- Really?
- Yes.

How much?

A lot.

Enough to take some time off?

Yes, a nice vacation even.

You've got some nerve.

What did I do?

In 17 years, you never had any money,
and now that we're separated, you're rich.

I got screwed over.

It's how the dice roll.
I agree, you were out of luck.

We were supposed to go to Venice.

I wanted to see Kyoto,
the Great Wall of China,

but the best we managed
was my mother's place in Royan.

It's not that bad.
Without your mother, it would be Hawaii.

- Do you have your car?
- No.

Do you need a ride?

- You got a car?
- No.

It's my father's.

Or I would have loved the French Riviera.

Have you been to Nice?

No, but I'd love to.

- The old town sounds lovely.
- So I heard.

Why are you asking me?

Just to tell you.

What?

That I would love to go.

Have a nice day.

You, too.

Margot?

Could you go away with me?

I don't know. Ask me.

Would you like to go to the coast with me?

I don't know. Insist.

I insist.

Fine.

- Can we talk?
- No.

- Is this a bad time?
- Yes.

I'm just asking for 10 minutes.

You have five.

- Hello?
- How's it going in the Maldives?

What?

I have some good news.

Who the fuck is this?

Wilfried. You know.
Curly hair, pretty handsome.

- So?
- I'm onto a great case of pimping.

- What do you mean?
- I mean that the guys who have your money

are screwing old ladies for money.

That's how your grandmother
was involved in this mess.

- What?
- Damn right, my friend.

To each their own.

Wait, so the guy at her place
was doing stuff to my...

I don't have much detail,
I just had a kebab.

The guy I'm interested in,

that's not him, it's the guy above him.

Okay.

I'm making progress.

I'm calling to tell you
that I want more than 10%.

- What?
- These guys are really dangerous.

I'm not going after that kind of mafia
unless I cash in big time.

Careful, I know what you look like.

Give me another Coke.

How much do you want?

20% or I quit.

Think about it.

Oh, yes!

I feel like Joe Pesci in Casino.

- Who?
- Joe Pesci.

In Casino.

- You don't know him?
- No.

Joe Pesci. The guy with the pen.

- The teacher.
- Goodfellas.

You took our photos down?

- You left five years ago.
- You kicked me out.

When you plowed that whore.

I regret making that mistake every day.

I can say the same thing.

We can't live with regrets
for the rest of our lives.

- I see no other way.
- I do.

Like what?

Hang our photos back up
and start our life together again.

- We had it pretty good.
- Perfect, even.

- So?
- My man hadn't yet fucked the neighbor.

One time! It was just one fucking time!

It was awful!

Five years ago!
I don't even remember her face.

We're old. You don't have anyone,
I don't have anyone.

We live in the past, like dead people,
but we're still alive.

Maybe not for long.

So, I'm gonna go get my suitcase.

When I come back,
the door will still be open,

and I'll take my jacket off,

and look at our wedding picture
on this wall!

I will go sit down on our couch,

turn on our TV,

and wait for our show,

while you make our tea.

We will have dinner in our kitchen,

before we go to our bed,

where I will kiss my wife.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Everything all right?
- I'll tell you tomorrow.

- How's it going?
- Fine. You?

Good.

New delivery of cash?

No, I'm going on vacation.

Now?

Tomorrow morning.

For how long?

A few days, maybe more.

Okay.

What do I say to the women?
The phone doesn't stop ringing all day.

Tell the truth, I'm going on vacation.

Or that you quit.

Because that's the truth, right?

You have money now.

- Have you seen my beige shirt?
- Answer me.

I don't know.

I'd like you to know!
It's not just about money.

It may sound stupid, but to me,
it's more than a job.

It's about loneliness, suffering,

tenderness.

I care about these women.

Why don't you go back to work?
Now you're back on your feet?

What?

You can't get hard?

I can.

Then go ahead.

They don't want me.

Not anymore.

I tried, they're disappointed.

Happy now?

I shot myself in the foot by sending you.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.

It was bound to happen.

I'm not a Don Juan anymore.
It's a miracle it lasted this long.

But what do I do now?

Say that Alphonse is going away for a week

and promise that when he's back,
he'll screw the whole region.

Okay?

Promise?

Yes, Dad.

I can still ask.
I haven't taken any time off yet.

No, it's not worth it.

Taking some time off to watch me move...

- Why not?
- She's got a shitty temper.

She's drunk in the morning
and smells like cheap wine.

Why are you helping her, then?

She's my aunt.

She just lost her husband,
I feel bad for her.

- You're nice.
- Yes.

I'm way too nice.

That's a nice bathing suit.

I'd like to see you in it.

You will soon.

And I will take it off in front of you.

Kiss me.

I'll miss you.

Good.

Here, honey.

- Thank you.
- Of course.

Delicious.

Did you always make that noise?

- What noise?
- When you chew.

I don't know. Sorry.

It's okay.

- Here. It's yours.
- Thank you.

Let me see your smile.

- I'll book you a dentist's appointment.
- Why?

Don't you want to have whiter teeth?

You're right. They're yellow.

Very.

What can I do? I'm old.

Indeed.

What should I do now?

Nothing. Stay parked here a while.

Darling, can you stir it a little? Here.

Thank you.

Hello, baby.

Calm down, sweetie.

Calm down. Stay calm.

What's this bullshit?

- You were hiding here?
- I'm not hiding, I live here.

Hello!

You didn't waste your time.

Don't touch him, Enzo!

Don't worry, I don't touch bastards.

Go to your room, honey!

Mom is just talking.

He's cute. That's too bad.

What do you want, Enzo?

You shouldn't have done what you did.

You hurt us, you made a promise.

I have a family here.

And you're not a part of it.

My husband will be home soon.

For his sake, he'd better be late.

He's done nothing to you.

He took my wife.

No one has taken her,
I wasn't your wife anymore.

Well, I say that you're still my wife.

Unless you want them to die.

What are you saying?

Say that you love me.

Laura.

You still love me.
You loved me once, didn't you?

Say you still love me!

Here's what's going to happen.

You're going to write a letter

to tell that son of a bitch

that you don't love him anymore
and that you're leaving him.

That this life isn't for you

and that you're leaving with someone else.

He'll know how I felt three years ago.

Write it down, now!

Now!

I will never write that.

If you don't,

that son of a bitch of yours

will get a bullet in his head,

and so will your son.

You are my wife, Laura.

You know people.

You know too much
about my family, my business.

You married me.

It's a holy union.

Do you understand what that means?

Write the letter.

Come on.

Here. Write.

Here.

You forgot this.

It'll remind you of the promise
you made in front of God.

Sign it.

Great. Let's go.

Can I say goodbye to my son?

Make it quick.

Toni, clean up this mess.

My love, Daddy will be home soon.

Look at me. I love you.

Do you understand?

I love you.

I love you, sweetie.

You can go now.

Keep your money.

Who do you think I am?

A kid you give candy to?

I'm leaving tomorrow morning,
I didn't want to wake you.

- I thought you'd be happy.
- I wiped your ass, you little shit.

I taught you to walk,
to ride a bike, play tennis.

And your little allowance
is supposed to make me happy?

Where did you get it?

- Where?
- Ad�le.

Ad�le?

She left it for me.

She left you all this money?

Here.

Fuck.

I can't believe it.

I've loved that old hag
for more than 10 years,

and she gives it to you.

- What can I say? We had fun.
- What about me?

I got stuck with the Pleiad, Rimbaud,
Verlaine, Mallarm�, Paul Val�ry...

Paul Val�ry! Did you read his work?

- No.
- You're lucky.

It's so boring.
And as for her Proust phase...

The Grand H�tel in Cabourg.

Hours spent wandering on the beach,
eating her out every 42 pages.

And you're fucking getting everything!

It's not my fault, I'm sorry.

She lost her mind.
She'd been losing it for two years.

She hadn't, she was very lucid.

Like hell she was!

She was off her rocker,
always losing her stuff, bag, keys.

She was so far gone
that she probably thought you were me.

- Are you serious?
- Very serious.

Six hundred thousand euros.
30 years of my life.

What can I say? She gave it to me.

But she owes it to me.

But don't worry, son,
I'll leave you a big cut.

- Put that down immediately.
- Go fuck yourself.

Give it back.

- Never.
- Stop it, this is ridiculous.

Stop! Give it to me!

- Now!
- Stop!

I could knock you down.

You'd hit your own father?

I can't help it
if they all think yours is too small.

Give it back.

Give up, go to bed.

You're a pain in the ass.

Here.

- What's wrong?
- Here.

What? What's going on? What's up with you?

Sit down. Okay, breathe.

- Calm down. What?
- Give me my medicine.

Where is it? In your bedroom?

Is it the red and white bottle?

In the nightstand!

There's nothing there!

In the bathroom!

Found it.

Hold on.

Here...

Motherfucker!

Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

Stop!

Hello.

What are you doing here?

Sorry to bother you. Is my father here?

- Your father?
- Yes.

So he's your father?

- You didn't know?
- No.

And he's not here.

Okay. Sorry.

Claude.

I had the baby last week.

- What?
- Our son.

He's got your beautiful eyes.

Do you want to see him?

I can't, my flight leaves in three hours.

Next time?

Kiss him for me.

So he's your son?

Oh, fuck.

You made me fuck your son?

I didn't make you do anything.

- You're a psycho.
- Because you're doing great?

That's not the point.

It is. We didn't have
the same relationship back then.

Why?

How is it different today?

It's just different.

Do you really love me?

At our age,

this feeling is a bit more complex.

It's not about age. Say you love me.

Please, not tonight. It's late.

Say it or I'll jump.

I swear I'll jump.

Good night, my love.

I'm going to jump.

Sweet dreams.

I'm jumping!

See you tomorrow.

Stop, please!

Sorry, I didn't mean to.

You're a psycho.

I said I'm sorry.

Did I hurt you?

What do you think?

It looks good on you.

- Did you say five or six hours?
- Six.

Six hours! Fuck... That's a long time.

- It's an hour on a plane.
- And 80 kg of CO2 in the atmosphere.

Since when are you a tree hugger?

You never gave a shit.

There were a lot of things
I didn't give a shit about.

Like your perfume.
Today, I can't get enough of it.

Which hotel did you book?

- I...
- No!

Don't tell me, it'll be a surprise.

See? From here, you can see the sea.

Right down there.

What's going on?

What?

Aren't you rich?

There are three potential explanations.

Either you never had money

and you lied to me to get me to come.

I came, I'm disappointed, I'm gonna leave,

so you're an idiot.

First explanation.

Or you're a cheapskate.

I'm disappointed, I'm gonna leave,
and you're an idiot.

Second explanation.

Or you didn't lie yesterday,

but you got into some trouble again
and I don't want to know about it.

I'm disappointed, as always,

and you're... You know.

So?

My dad stole my money.

Well, well. What a surprise.

Not as if I didn't warn you.

Look, we're here, it's sunny...
What do you want to do?

Are you leaving?

I'll be back.

I had a good night.

It's not so bad
that he never left your sister.

And never knocked you up.

- No.
- Listen, I'm too old for kids.

Shit!

I already bought a crib.

It's good, huh?

Do you know what they call Nice?

- No.
- Little Florida.

- Do you know why?
- No.

Because this is where
old rich people come to die.

I'm off, I have work to do.

Hey, Gaspard? What do you say
to making 100 euros in 20 minutes?

- Yeah. 100 euros... Good.
- It's your lucky day.

Not bad.

Button up the jacket, let's see.

How much is it?

- This one is...
- Fuck.

You should have brought a suit.

We were supposed to be on vacation.

- I'll take it.
- Perfect.

You'd better make a killing.

We're good.

It won't budge, five latches.
You're all good.

- Thank you very much.
- No problem. Bye.

Shut your mouth, even if he talks to you.

- Come on. Hello.
- Hello.

This way.

- What if he asks me...
- Shut up.

Shut up.

Mr. Bisson?

Yes? What do you want?

Hello, I'm Beno�t Braquis,

I work for the Inspectorate
of Public Finances.

Can we come in?

What if I say no?

I wouldn't recommend that.

This is Jacques Bisson's voice mail.

Please leave a message
and I'll call you back.

Creative Supervisor
Alain Martinossi

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