Original subtitles

Get him! Quick, quick, get him!

- Come on, quick, get going! - Yeah, yeah.

There! He's nicking the car.

Well... have fun, guys! Have a go at it yourselves!

Luckily for us, these desk jockeys are useless out here in the field.

Even the Eastern Bloc is becoming gentrified.

Their agents may be well-connected, but they're not so well-hung...

Take this pair here, out on the beat... out on the piss, more like,

just getting into one fine mess after another.

It's the French fuzz, alright, I can smell them from here...

could well be Boutard and Mollard, themselves.

Well, up against this double-act, we shouldn't be too worried.

They just want to check I made it out alive.

You want to know my story? No, I don't give a toss what you think...

besides, I'm sick and tired of these shitty missions.

I'm going on 40, and take it from me,

these adventures are only taking me further down the toilet.

OK, that's enough! Forget about Boutard and Mollard!

We'll get back to these two weirdos later on.

Boutard and Mollard are like Dupond and Dupont, in spy circles...

always entrusted with the toughest missions...

tracking old men, opening letters, eavesdropping...

the stuff of Rambo!

They are half brothers, actually, but always bickering.

When anyone as dumb as them gets in range, the bullets start flying.

You know what's on my mind, right now?

Bangkok...

specifically Emmanuela.

That's Emmanuela, sat on the left.

Emmanuela and her girlfriend Paulette,

they were two lesbian models, the kind you see in Playboy or in Lui...

well, you know what I mean.

So, what brings her into my thoughts?

Well, I once got engaged to Emmanuela.

You reckon I'm kidding? It's true, I swear.

Three years ago, we almost got married. Fancy me getting married, guys?

Me, the lady-killer of French espionage? She was quite a character, too.

Back then, she was working for the intelligence agency.

During the day, she just sat and posed...

at night, she passed on military secrets from Hungary...

but she didn't pass by me so much, I was only "Hungary" for sex.

Yeah, a cheap gag, I know.

Anyway, Emmanuela and Paulette were dykes.

What really fired them up was candlelight...

dark places... power failures...

whatever flicks their switch...

Yes... oh, yes...

Oh, yes!

Oh, yes!

Oh, yes!

Yes...

Yes! Ah, yes!

Yes, that's nicel

Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

Yes!

Well, there you go, time to cruise on down to Paris.

I also kept in a low gear for the streets of Bangkok.

Just thinking about it brings the smells back,

the sounds and the colors...

the asses are not far behind...

Nabi's ass, for example!

Ah, she was only 15 years old...

Yes!

Yes!

Yes...

Yes!

In the espionage business, you find out very quickly,

everybody knows everybody.

It's a small, closed circle,

and the same old faces keep cropping up.

That guy photographing Emmanuela in Bangkok, for example...

well, he sure knew little Nabi!

She was dating him... sucking him off... whatever...

by the way, that photographer worked for military intelligence.

In other words, he was investigating the other correspondents.

Anyway, let's not get too bogged down in all that.

Back then, basically,

everybody was in the business of informing and sucking...

but, make no mistake, I never had a turn on that photographer.

After all, it's Bangkok, it's easy to get lost in there...

This photographer had started out as an agent in Paris...

at the bottom of the ladder, you know... as a trainee.

Francis Guillot was his nhame, but we called him "Guillotine",

because he always cut himself shaving.

He used to pick up provincial girls for the orgies of Marquis Von Krutz.

Von Krutz was a KGB mole, who'd been in France for 16 years.

On the first Thursday of each month, he organized these orgies,

at a country retreat, south-east of Paris.

Oh, yes!

Gosh!

Well, I never!

Oh, yes, your panties, off with your panties!

Yeah!

Oh!

Yes, touch it! Get your little finger around that, yeah!

Yes, that's the way! Yes, that's good!

Can you see better with your glasses on?

Oh, yes!

Touch my balls!

Oh, yes!

Oh, yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Onh, it's good!

- Yes! - Yes, a bit of tongue, lightly done!

- Oh, it's good! - It's good, eh?

Onh, yes, your tongue!

Holy cow!

Ah, yes!

Get on with it, girls!

Go on, lick away!

Here! Take that!

- Take that! - Oh, yes!

Oh, yes!

Come on, shake it about, yes!

She's a real good sucker!

Oh, yes!

Yes, like that! It's good!

- The tip, the tip! - Take that!

Oh, yes!

Come on!

Take that!

Yes...

- Oh, yes, fuck me hard! - Take that!

Yes, yes, yes! Your big cock!

Oh, my! Yes, yes, yes!

Ah, you're coming, eh?

- I'm coming! - Yes, real good!

Bitch!

Well, I know what you're thinking... "These spies are just having a ball...

"Sucking, ass-fucking, fucking around.

What a bunch of weirdos!"

Well, you know what? It's the best way to get information.

Word gets around...

much faster between the sheets than through any secret codes.

Not convinced? Let's go back to Guillotine.

Against all odds, our lousy photographer had managed to recruit Josette Kervadec,

a girl from Brittany, just arrived in town.

The blonde one, right there.

Back then,

she wore way too much makeup and dressed up like a whore.

Classy, right?

Well, guys, two months later, she was a different person.

She was "playing the hostess",

that is to say, she was hiding agents between missions.

Well, it was Nathalie who introduced me to her,

when I returned from Canada.

More about Nathalie later.

From our first handshake,

Josette and I got along just fine.

First, she fired the three bitches who kept her house,

and I can tell you, they were none too pleased.

Well, you know what, guys?

I just got my ass comfy,

unlaced my shoes and unzipped my pants.

Things were gonna get real hot soon...

Yes, that's good!

Blow-job time!

Suck me, yes!

Yes!

Suck it faster!

Faster!

Yes!

Yeah!

Oh, yes!

Suck it!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah!

Yes...

Yes, yes, faster! Faster, yes!

Yeah, yeah!

Will that do?

Shake it faster, yes like that! Yeah, shake it good!

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

The tip of my knob! Yes, yes, yes!

My balls, my balls! Yes, my balls! Yes!

Yes, lick my balls! Yes!

That's good, that's good! Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes, yes, shake it!

Ah, that's good!

Yes... yes...

Even deeper...

Yes, yes!

Yes, faster, faster, faster!

Yes! Yes!

Yes, you bitch!

Yeah!

Under the balls!

Just wait and see!

- Oh, yes, my little pussy! - That's good, eh!

Yes, lick it good!

Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, yes, lick my little cunt!

Onh, yes, that feels good...

Onh, your tongue!

Here, take my twat...

Take that...

That's better!

Nice, eh?

Onh, yes, that's good!

Oh yes!

You feeling that?

Better than my tongue, eh?

- Yes, that's good! - Uh?

It's like a giant tongue, eh?

Can you feel my cock, now?

It's good, yes!

This way!

Come on, jump to it! Hop, hop, jump, jump!

Nice, that's nice!

Oh, it's...

- That's good, eh? - Oh, so good!

Oh, yes!

- Nice couch, eh? - Oh, yes!

- Yes, yes... - Yes!

Yes, yes!

Good, eh?

Another position now.

Come on, let's switch.

- Here, that way! - You make me come!

Can you feel James Bande's big one now?

Oh, yes, morel!

Deeper! Your balls, your balls, your balls!

Take that! Here are my balls!

- Take that and that! - yesl!

Yes! Yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Here, take that... and that and that and that!

Oh, shit!

Oh, yes!

Yes... yes... yes!

Come here, yes! Oh, yes!

Yeah, suck it, suck!

Yeah, yeah...

Oh, yes!

Oh, yes!

You may well ask... "Where's that dickwit off to now?

Do we just keep going round the block?"

We've arrived! 5th floor, Boulevard Saint-Germain.

A successful mission will always take me back here.

My chick is there, waiting for me.

The genuine article this time, the one and only Theresa.

The one who will see me out, when I retire.

- So watch out... - You're James Bande, aren't you?

I recognized you! A tough nut to crack, aren't you?

- That's me! - Bye, now!

Onh, boy, is she in for a big surprise!

Just see how she falls for this one...

Onh, yes...

Make me come! That's good...

That's so good!

- You like that, eh? - I love it!

Oh, what a slut! Bitch...

and with Henry, that asshole, too!

Onh, your fat cock in my little pussy!

Oh, that's so good!

Oh, yes, I'm gonna comel!

Onh, yes, yes...

Yes!

Yes, give me more!

Onh, yes, you just make me come!

I'll give him something else to enjoy, just you wait!

What's that?

Nothing... just keep going!

Where are you going?

Hey, where are you going?

You asshole!

What have you done?

Now, let's calm down and take it steady.

Okay, I'm a cuckold, but I've still got to shift gears.

The great James Bande is a cuckold!

If my buddies knew that... well, let's just move on.

Now... Bangkok!

Bangkok and those two little dykes, gliding along...

Speaking of cuckolds, what about this guy?

Guillot, "the guillotine™!

Reckoned he had it made with Emanuella, just snapping away...

chattin' her up, and his camera never even had film.

That guy, Guillot, thought he was so smart.

Unfortunately, Emanuella was not Josette Kervadec.

Oh, no! That pretty blonde was a second-tier agent,

a "vicar", as we say in our jargon.

A real dyke, but phony as a three-dollar bill.

So, Guillot had booked a suite at the Blue Dragon Inn,

hoping to impress Emmanuela... and you can bet he did!

By now, it would take a special kind of suite to impress this one.

She was the real dragon!

Come on... ah... you little bitch!

She'd have converted a whole army of priests into sinners.

As I told you before, she almost converted me, too. Mel

It's true. Engaged! Everything. The whole shebang.

I was drooling so much, it was pathetic.

So, you in the mood, huh?

By cooking them over a low flame, again and again,

she had managed to burn out half our agents in the West.

A real Mata Hari!

Her number was always the same, since her debut at the Rose Bonbon,

some dykey bar in Berlin.

That was ten years ago, but how could I forget?

There were green cushions, and she wore a red dress.

Ah... yes...

Ah, I'll get you...

Oh, I'll get you, I'll get you!

Oh, yes!

What now? What...

Oh, little finger... yes!

Ah, that's so good...

- So? - Oh, my!

So?

Oh, I can go next door if you want to...

Come here, you big hunk, I need your big cock!

Kiss me!

Well, there you have it!

She could suck long enough to hold up a rear-view mirror,

she could suffocate an athlete, then off to bed again!

So, you've made up your mind?

How could your average Joe have resisted? Tell me that.

Even Guillotine, not the most well-endowed,

hovered like a fly, over a bowl of milk.

Wait a second, let's switch channels, I reckon I'm being tailed.

Just a hunch.

I must find a hideout for tonight.

Only one place... Pigalle...

The fountain, the subway station and a phone call to Nathalie.

Nathalie, don't you remember, dickhead? Get with it!

Even with your pants down, tool in hand, you still have to keep up!

Nathalie is a godsend for agents on the run...

always smiling, open-handed,

ready to grasp your crofch.

Nathalie and I have known each other since way back.

She leads me to a cosy little hideout in Nogent.

Mmm, I don't like the look of this little pad.

Now, I'm suspicious.

Another hunch... or maybe fear?

It could also be the old malaria, flaring up again.

Indeed, spies age like any other kind of big shot,

whinging about everything,

and even the smallest heap of stones arouses suspicion.

I bet he's gonna screw her.

He screws them all.

These flowers look lovely, don't you think?

Don't you think so?

What's up? You wanna get screwing right away?

You bet your ass! That part of you will soon cure any malaria.

Only a marble statue could stay cold in her company.

Even if this is purely social, my cock is on fire.

Bangkok can wait, "Oh! Calcutta!" is playing tonight.

Wow... wow...

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

I like it like this... yes!

Ah, yes!

That's good!

Go on! Oh, yes, yes!

Oh, yes, yes!

- Oh, yes, more! - Take that!

Ah, that's good! Yeah, that's good! Oh, that's good!

Oh, yeah!

Yes! Yes!

Yes, yes!

Yes, yes!

Yes...

- Can I touch it? - Oh, yes!

- You like it when I touch it, eh? - I love it!

Oh, yes!

Oh, tickle it, yes!

Ah, tickle my clit!

Yes!

Onh, yes...

More, yes!

Oh yes, it's good!

Yes, ah!

Oh, yes!

- Oh, yes! - That's a big finger, eh?

Onh, yes, good stuff.

Oh, that big dick feels good...

Oh, yes, yes!

- Yes, it feels good! - Yes!

Yes...

More... yes...

You fuck me good!

- Oh, yes! - What about this, huh?

There, there! Hop, hop!

Onh, that's good!

- Oh, yes! - Yes!

Oh, I can feel it!

Onh, touch it, yes!

Yes!

- Ah , yes, yes, deeper! - Yes! "

- Yes, ah! - Yes, yes!

- Yes, yes, yes, yes! - Come on!

Right, I promised I'd tell you about them two bozos,

Boutard and Mollard... you know their motto?

"Any dirty cunt that comes along."

One time they were ordered to catch some Danish spy...

and make her talk... but they could get anything out of her.

She wasn't leaking anything, just blowing, as Boutard found out.

The Dane sure didn't hold back anything on that front,

and Mollard couldn't worm anything further out of her either.

Okay, less talk and more action.

Let's go!

Ah, yes, keep going, keep going.

Suck, suck, suck, suck... yes!

Ah, that's good!

Here, take this up your ass!

Right on, right on like that!

Yes!

Yes, go on... yes, like that, that's fine.

Yes, you suck good... come on, can you feel it in your ass?

Oh yes!

Come on, fuck her, she's swallowing my dick!

All right, go ahead! Come on, slowly, slowly.

Slowly, slowly...

That's it!

Oh, yes!

Yes, yes!

Yes! Ah, suck it, yeah!

Oh, yeah, that's it, yeah... That's it!

Go on, yeah...

Yes, yes! It's a big one, eh?

Pretty one, eh? Nice piece of ass!

That's it, show me your tits, show me your tits.

Get your tits out!

Yes, go ahead and suck me!

Yes, come here, yes!

Yes!

It slips in easy...

Oh, yes!

Come on, take that... there, take that!

there, there... there, in your ass, there!

There, in your fat ass, there!

Nothing like a bit of sodomy, right?

Ah, suck it!

Ah, yes, yes.

The tip, the tip!

Onh, yes, swallow it all!

Yes, it's good! Oh, yes, go on!

Yes, yes, here! Yes!

Up your ass! Onh, yes, I'm gonna fuck you hard!

Come on, let's go!

Yes, suck mel

How about a good fisting, eh?

Yes, suck me good, yes, there, yes!

You're gonna get it, bitch! Yes, go ahead!

Go on, go!

Go ahead... there, you're gonna get up your nostrils!

Oh, yes!

You're gonna take it all now!

Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes!

That's good!

Ah, that's so good!

It's good for your tonsils!

You're a good sucker!

I thought I was shadowing,

but I'm the one who's being shadowed.

I should never have left my hideout in Nogent!

So, what shall I do? Shoot them down right away...

or just lead them on a bit?

Okay, let's go back to Bangkok...

...dirty streets...

...those broken down rickshaws...

...S0adpP Massages...

you know those soap massages? They're great!

Little girls sucking candles...

...Kids diving in dirty water...

...and sleezy photographers!

Ah, "The Guillotine"...

one last word about him...

he never managed to fuck beautiful Emmanuela...

although he kept on trying, again and again.

In desperation, he even put one of his friends on to the two chicks.

The Yankee type, rich and talkative, drunk from morning to night...

and although the poor guy struggled, he ended up bedding them both!

Wanna' see my big Yankee Doodle?

Absolutely!

However, he failed... broke down... flopped.

Just a pair of cock-teasers, who preffered licking each other out.

That was their main area of interest.

Oh, the bitches! Leaving me all alone!

Onh, no, boy!

... oh!

Oh, yes!

Hey, you little perv...

you'd like to see some more, right?

To start with, Pretty Emmanuela's first screw, right?

Okay, then, enjoy!

- Oh, you got the pickles? - Here!

Oh, how pretty!

Onh, little rabbits!

Don't tear it off!

Take it off!

When some guy was leching like a leech...

it was a favorite trick of Emmanuela's...

to have someone call her,

at a convient moment, all fixed in advance, of course.

Hello?

Yes, it's me.

Right, okay.

Bad news...

There's a problem, Louis...

Louis is on his way...

you have to leave.

- Don't worry, he's my brother. - Yes, that's what you say...

Don't be mad...

You'll see, later, we'll pick up where we left off.

Come on, give me a little kiss to make up for it.

Come on, don't be cross with me.

Later on, you'll get a nice blowjob.

Good enough?

- Kiss me, come on! - Come on, here.

Careful, go now, run!

Yes, yes... of coursel There you go, there you go, that's it!

Yes, coming! Coming!

Hello, here we arel The local bobbies!

Good morning, sir, excuse me for so begging of your pardons.

They're always most courteous.

Would you be so good as to peruse this eviction order

that my bastard of a colleague is handing you?

Goodbye sir, have a nice day! Up yours, you stupid photographer!

You see, that's how Emmanuela always managed to pull it off.

Well, now I'm fed up with being shadowed, let's turn this around,

back to Pigalle and back to Nathalie.

This time, buddies, I'm going on a trip. Let's go!

Come on! Hurry!

- Come on! - Ah, I can't go any faster!

Boutard and Mollard... they didn't understand anything, obviously.

These ones need an early retirement.

New suit, new cab and off we go!

Somewhere I can't get pissed off any further.

- But... - Don't turn around!

What are you playing at? Not here, surely?

Come on!

Wait, I can't! Listen, this is...

Oh, come on!

Take this. Come on...

It's gonna be fun in a taxi, eh?

Come on, keep driving, keep driving!

Hey, keep your hands on the wheel!

Ah, that ass! Ah, that ass!

- It is so tight... - I'm gonna take it...

- First time in a cab? - Oh, yes!

Your ass is so hairy! What a bitch!

Why are you stopping?

Oh, yes!

Look at that!

Onh, your little finger...

You feel that? Can you feel it up there?

- Can you feel it up there? - Oh!

Stop it, you!

That's enough, now!

- Get out the car! - But we're not even there yet?

Yes, you are! This car is not a brothel.

He paid you, right?

He paid me?

Yes, he paid the fare!

Okay, never mind, let's go somewhere else!

- Let me put my panties back on! - Go find another place to fuck!

Careful, your trousers!

Oh, my God!

- Good bye, sir. - It's okay, it's okay...

Close the door!

Come on, come herel What a jerk!

- Unbelievable! - Yes, here! That's it!

Fine! Come on!

Wait, wait, wait, wait...

You're completely crazy!

You'll see... there you go!

There you go, Miss...

that's it! We'll be just fine here!

- Well, there you go... - Yes.

- Here you go! - Oh, yes, stick it in...

- Oh yes! - Big cock, eh?

- There, cosier in the grass, right? - Oh, yes!

- Aren't you cold? - No, I'm not.

- Oh, how hot it is! -Can you see my pecker, now?

Let's go!

And... there!

And... there!

And... careful, there!

And... in therel!

Ah, what a big cock! Onh, yes!

Oh, yes! Onh, yes, it's good there, yes!

Go for it! Oh, yes!

Doing it outdoors is so good, yes!

Ah, your cock!

Oh, come on!

Morel

Yes, yes, yes!

Come on! Oh, yes!

It's so good!

Yes!

Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

Oh, cocks! Cocks all round! Yes, ohl

Come, come, come!

Come inside, come!

Oh, yes, come on!

- Oh, yes, it's coming! - Oh, no!

- Ah, yes, ah, yes, ah, yes! - No!

Not yet, please...

- Oh, yes! - Don't, I need more!

That was too short!

Ah, that's good!

What about me?

Ah, I couldn't help it! Oh, no! Oh, that's too good!

Ah, it was good anyway...

So, now here's your ticket...

...and so, that'll be... yes...

...that'll be 500 francs!

You'll see, you'll like Bangkok, it's very nice.

- Yes! - So much to see!

Come on, it's over there.

Hurry up, or we'll be late!

It would be a shame to miss the plane!

Come on! Come on, come on!

Do you need anything?

Madam?

Sir?

Madam?

Excuse me...

Here's to you!

To our love in Bangkok!

Have you ever made it in a plane?

Oh, no, not yet...

Ah, let's try!

- Would you like something else? - No, thank you!

High altitude gives me a hard-on!

Onh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes!

Onh, yes, go on, yes!

Oh, yes!

Ah, you're needed in the cock... pit! Yes!

Go ahead, go ahead!

Yes, faster!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Yeah...

Yes!

Watch out now!

Come on, slowly, slowly...

Hurry up!

What a piece of ass! Yes, yes!

Yes, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay!

Yes, yes, ah, yes! Holy cow!

Yes, that's it!

Ah, that's good, yes! Yes!

Ah, I'm taking off...

Doing it in a plane is so good, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Ah, that's so good...

- Oh, yes! - Yes, it is!

Yes, give it to me, give it to me, yes!

Yes, yes!

Yes!

Come on, let's be seated, come on!

Doing it on a plane is great, right?

Now you can say you really got off the ground, right?

THE END