All language subtitles for Speechless (2018) - S02E14 - E-I- EIGHTEEN_track4_[eng]

Coming up on midnight, JJ.
18, here we come.

How can we be
celebrating this?

It's not a birthday.
It's a kidnapping.

This baby has vanished,

and he's been replaced
by some...

strange man.
-15 seconds, JJ.

If you want to kill someone
and not be tried as an adult,

now's your chance.

Huh.

5 seconds.
All right, kids.

We all know why we're here.

Three...two...

ALL: You look way too young
to have an adult son.

Oh, I quite like that.

**

Okay, JJ,
so, about your party --

we've got you the same cake
every year.

Do you still want
Fudgie the Whale,

or do you want something
a bit more grown up?

"Dylan wants Fudgie."

What?
No, I never said that.

"Dylan. Wants. Fudgie!"

Fine. I'll be your fall guy,
but watch the tone.

I've got five years to kill you
with no consequences.

I-I wanna be clear --
that's -- that's not the case.

So, I understand you're
going to do something special

with Kenneth
to celebrate 18.

You have my permission.
-"Don't need it."

-Yeah, well, it's there.
-"Don't want it."

Just take it!

But do remember
the only acceptable tattoo

is a heart with the word "Mum"
written inside it,

and only then
if you're in a coma

and you have no other way
of telling people

how much you love
your mother.

No tattoos.
Thank you.

That's the one thing
you can't do.
Got it.

And here's a list of the other
things you can't do.

RAY: Hey, guys.

Taylor is on her way over

with her new
foreign-exchange student.

"Ooh, JJ like-y."

Eww.
Make him read the weird stuff.

As it happens,
Lars is a guy.

Um, Taylor's got a guy
staying with her?

Yes.
And I'm beyond okay with it.

It's modern times, and there's
nothing more masculine

than trusting a woman.

"Doing some
American guy's girlfriend

is more masculine."

(doorbell rings)

Hi, Ray.
This is Lars.

Hi, Lars.
It's so nice to meet you.

This is boy
who give me jacket?

I'm the boy who's gonna
lend you a jacket.

But I'm so much more
than that.

Taylor and I are, uh...

This is like
baby jacket.

(chuckles awkwardly)

Well, gotta go.
Lars is taking me to school.

He drives,
which is awesome.

Why don't I just
come with you?

But you go to
a different school.

Yeah, I'll just take a ride
to your school

and then hitch a ride to mine,
save us all some time.

Easy peasy.
Okay.

**

Hey, maybe Taylor's not into
the obscenely beautiful.

Exactly.

Well, the cuckold's horns
aren't gonna wear themselves.

(door closes)

(school bell rings)

**

(chuckles)

That spitball
you were shooting --

really funny,
by the way, big fan --

except yours hit me.

What are you gonna do
about it?

I don't know.
Any suggestions?

Hey!
Come with me.

(sighs) Detention?

Today doesn't really work
for me.

Let's make plans
for another time.

I don't want to give you
detention.

I want you to join
my wrestling team.

You took down that bigger kid.
I think you got what it takes.

Now that I got
a stepdaughter,

I think girls should be allowed
to do stuff like this.

Huh.
Thanks for the context?

But I am not a wrestler.

I'm a runner.
I'm fast, too.

Hey, what's that
over there?

Me making
the perfect getaway.

(grunts)

I'm so sorry.
I am insanely fast, so...

that must have hurt.

No, I-I-I'm sorry.

My body is like rock hard,
so that -- that had to hurt.

I guess we're both
perfect specimens.

Nice to meet you.
Dylan.

I'm Rev.

COACH: Revere! You're late.
Get over here.

Your weird boy sport --
Maybe I'll check it out.

JJ, my of-age friend,

this is the place to get
this party started.

(Todd Rundgren's
Bang the Drum All Day plays)
Somewhere a man
can be a man.

* I don't want to work

* I want to bang on the drum
all day *

We would like
some lottery tickets,

some butane,
and your cheapest cigar.

You just turn 18?

Let's do this.

* Ever since I was a tiny boy
Nice.

* I don't want no candy,
I don't need toy *
Drowsy or non-drowsy?

* I took a stick
and an old coffee can *
Non-drowsy.

I think you'll be very happy
with that.

* I got blisters on my hand
because *

* I don't want to work

I rented a documentary
I thought was porn.

It really changed
my take.

* I don't want to work

Let me ask you this --
are you one of those normal

just-turned-18 kids,
or do you wanna get weird?

* I don't want to play

Normal.

Oh, yeah, I was gonna offer you
some dry ice.

Oh, weird then.

Dad,
I need your help.

I think this Lars guy
might be a threat.

"Might be"?

Ray, I'm thinking of leaving
your mother for Lars.

I have a bag packed.

Dad, I'm serious.

What should I do?

Be yourself. That's who she
fell for in the first place.

Is that what you'd do?
Of course not.
That's for suckers.

So, tell me what you'd do.

This conversation is over.

What? Why?

Because you have
no game?

Because I have
too much game.

You think your mother's
the first girl I've gotten
who was out of my league?

So, teach me.
Give me some helpful tidbits.

You can't handle my tidbits.
Let it go, Ray.

Hey, Mom, did Dad have
any tricks

to keep you interested
when you were dating?

Ooh, did he ever.

Oh. Do you wanna know
what they were?

Think I can handle them?
Why not?

I mean,
your dad used them.

He's not
Gandalf the Grey.

Okay.

Well...no luck
on the scratchers.

But this dry ice
is cool.

Why can't they sell it
to kids, though?

It's just ice.

Ow!

Where'd my fingerprints go?

Hey, JJ.
What's going on?

"Hi, Troy.

Just E-N-- enjoying
some A-- adult stuff

because I can."
(chuckles)

Your stuff looks cooler
than mine.

I-I'm just getting some oil
for my car.

I'm driving up north
this weekend.

"Your stuff
sounds pretty cool."

Not really. I'm gonna
spend a couple days

with my girlfriend
in San Francisco,

but then I got to look for
a job and an apartment.

You know, get ready for Stanford
in the fall.

"Wow.
You've got a lot going on."

**

Hey, uh, I heard they only have
one oil left.

You -- You best
get going.

Right. I-I'll be out quick,
but, JJ, you'll still be here?

"I'm not going...anywhere."

Great.

(door opens)
Have fun
in college, Troy!

Hope you learn
to shut up!

Hey, Dylan.

Nice job for
a first practice.

You're a really
good wrestler.
Thanks.

I'm new to this,
and I really like to win.

Oh, yeah?
I really hate to lose.

I guess
opposites attract.
Oh.

Can I carry your bag?

Sure.

Can I carry yours?

DiMeo, Revere, you're in
the same weight class.

We only wrestle one
at that weight.

You two will have to have
a wrestle-off tomorrow.

BOTH: But what's gonna happen
when I beat you?

JJ, there you are.
It's party time!

"Do it and die."

I need to take my fun
where I find it!

He's here!

(cheering)

Happy birthday, JJ.
Thanks for having us, man.

Fun party.
"It is, huh?

What did you do
for your E-I-- eighteenth?"

Oh, it was awesome.

Me and my cousin went to
this Indian casino.

We partied like crazy,
and I won like 300 bucks.

"Right. And was
your mom there?"

No, but his was.

(laughter)

Wait, mine?

Solid smack.
Are you nuts?

Hey, Mom.

Oh, darling,
what's wrong?

Did you ever have to wrestle
someone you loved

because they weighed
the same amount as you?

(chuckles)
I like your problems, Dylan.

RAY: I like a little
jalapeño kick in mine.

It helps join
all the flavors.
Ray, come here.

That's a nice jacket.

It looks a lot like one
I keep in my closet.

-Huh.
-Heard you mention jalapeño.

You wouldn't be talking
about guacamole, would you?

No. Why?

Talking about guacamole
has a powerful,

subconscious effect
on women.

Why? Not sure.

It's a social food.
Everybody likes it.

It's exotic,
but not intimidating.

It just works,

which is why I put it
in my secret playbook --

the one I told you
you're not ready for.

I wasn't talking
about guacamole.

Don't worry about it,
Chief.

Oh, you're being
so weird.

Well, I'm glad you met
a nice boy.

And now I'm gonna
lose him.

Ugh. I-I-I just wish
there was a way

you could change
how much you weigh.

Hold on.
No.

You're not losing weight
for a boy.

Lose?

No, I don't lose at anything.
I'm gonna win weight.

You gave Ray my secrets?

Well, yeah.
No, he was worried about Lars,

so I told him a few
of your silly moves

from back in the day.
-"Silly"?

Those "silly" moves landed me
the hottest girl

in the East Village
when I was broke and unemployed.

You thought I was the hottest
girl in the East Village?

Yes.

Ah.
He's got his hand on him?

It is way too early
for that.

That's phase two!

Now, what is that move?

It's a sophisticated
dominance technique

based on canine
mating dynamics.

I fell for dog moves?

It's all too soon.

He's going through the moves
too quickly.

Again with the guacamole.

Guacamole?
Where?

Oh, now he's giving a girl
directions to the party,

and it's making
Taylor jealous.

You taught him
"Kimberly's Lost"?!

(laughs)

* Happy birthday to you

Whoo!

Did you make
a wish, buddy?

"For this party
to be over."

I-I think JJ's been feeling like
18 for other people

is different
from 18 for him.

Kenneth, JJ hates it when
other people speak for him.

Like I just did.

Here, darling. Come on.
Have the first piece.

JJ's not really feeling
the party right now.

Oh. I wasn't really feeling
the party 18 years ago.

Still pushed.

"I'm leaving."

W-What? No.

Your mom went to a lot of
trouble to give you this party.

"Sorry. I F-O-- forgot
it's all about Mom."

Hey, that's not fair.
Apologize.

KENNETH:
"You can't make me.

I'm an adult, right?"

Yes, but as long as you are
living under our roof --

"When will I not live
under your roof?"

**

(gasps)

JJ!

(barking)

No, no, no, no, no!
Find your own calories!

Get! Get!

All right, everyone,
moment's over.

Let's get back to the party.
Everyone dance.

There's no music.

That's strike number two,

Mr. My Mom was at
your Birthday Party.

Dance!

**

GIRL: Oh, Ray.
(giggles)

RAY: And she's been
giving me pointers

since eighth-grade algebra.

JIMMY: Ray,
we need to talk.

What are you doing?
Who's that other girl?

Oh, that's Kimberly.
She found the party.

There's not supposed to be
a real Kimberly.

Maybe in your day.
Ya boy is changing the game.

No. You need to crawl
before you can walk.

I am putting my foot down.
No more games of seduction.

I'm better at this than you
ever were, and it's killing you.

That's what this
is all about.

That's such a strange read
of the situation.

Wish me luck.

Where you going?
I gained three pounds.

I'm off to wrestling practice
to not humiliate the boy I like.

They have wrestling practice
on a Saturday?

That's what I'm focused on?
(lips pop)

JJ, enough already.

Come out this instant.
Oh.

I was all ready to bark at him,
but you'll do.

What shall it be about?
I take requests.

JJ's gone.
What? How?

That accessible-ride
service.

He set up a pickup,
they came.

That fast?
What an amazing resource.

Maya.
What are you doing?

I'm doing
the hard thing.

He's an adult.
He deserves this.

I'm not following him.

Then why are you
getting your things?

Well, I don't believe I am.
Oh.

Okay, clearly my brain knows
what I should do,

but my body is taking
a minute to catch up.

Now, block my path and brace
yourself. I'm very scrappy.

What?
Maya, stop!

JJ, I'm coming over him!

Oh!
No biting, lady.

(grunts)

(sighs)

Let him do his thing.

But you're good
to that kid.

You deserve better.

I just hope he doesn't do
something stupid.

(tattoo needle buzzing)
And last thing --
your age.

**

Yep, you're 18.

(scale beeps)

You're up three pounds,
Rev.

What?
You gained weight?

I gained weight so I wouldn't
have to wrestle you.

But that's what I did.

Well, you're both in
the same new class.

You're gonna have to wrestle-off
to see who wins that spot.

No.
W-W-What do we do?

There's clearly a spark
between you two.

But, Dylan, if you beat Rev
in front of the whole team,

he'll be too humiliated
to date you.

But would you throw the match
for a chance at love?

Wow. That's exactly
what's going on.

I love all wrestling -- whether
it's with a person or a dilemma.

Isn't Kimberly awesome,
Taylor?

Mm. She is.

I'm surprised you've never
mentioned her before.

Oh, Ray, you got a little
something in your hair.

I pick the leaves
out of Ray's hair.

Could you please
put it back?

Ladies, please.

There's plenty of stuff
to pick out of my hair.

I'm gonna go get a drink.

I am also
to get drink.

Would you also
to get me one?

Thank you so much for coming
on such short notice.

I'll do your homework
for a month.

I'd be having fun even
if you didn't offer that.

Do you really think
I'm awesome?

Well, obviously it's all part of
the act, but you seem nice.

(door closes, bell jingles)
JJ!

(sighs)

"How did you find me?"

You just had to go to the one
place your mom told you not to.

Look, I don't pretend to know
what it is to be you,

but you didn't have to treat
your mom like that.

Maybe you didn't realize
how harsh you came across.

"No, I did."

"My friend here
likes to talk.

You should start
on my P-A-- panther."

Hold up.

You know, just because
you use a wheelchair

doesn't mean you can't
still be a jerk.

You want to stop
feeling like a child?

Stop acting like one.

So...you gonna do this?

I could do a panther
that says "I'm sorry."

Guys, I need help
with Taylor.

(laughs)
No more moves.

Taylor went home.
Just call it a night.

But playing it cool
actually is a move.

I liked it when you
played that one.

No, forget moves.

The others worked
too well.

My Kimberly kissed me.

-No!
-What?

I didn't kiss her back,
but what do I do?

Do I tell Taylor?
-No!

You shouldn't even
have told us.

I disagree.
He didn't mean for it to happen.

This is why I didn't
want you playing games,

because you have to
get your hands dirty,

and you're way too good
of a person to do that.

Now you need to stay the course.
Don't tell her.

He is a good person,
so he'll tell the truth,

and Taylor
will understand.

You're right. There's no
downside to the truth.

-Yeah.
-No downside. Huh.

Uh, the things I do
for you, Ray.

(clears throat)

Do you remember when
we first started dating

and you were over
at my apartment

and I took a call
from a girl named "Ruby"?

-Oh, yeah, your cousin.
-I don't have a cousin Ruby.

That was a girl I was dating
before you and I were exclusive.

What?

You...

Bedroom, now.

I'm confused.
Is this good or bad?

-Bad!
-Bad.

Lesson learned.

You're a good father.

Earn this.

I can see you're conflicted,
but don't be, okay?

I'm really good.
First, I'll just take you down.

(whistle blows)

Right.
Like that.

(sighs)

If I were
to let you win,

where would you take me
on our first date?

Pizza?

Uh, s-steak! Steak!

Somewhere really fancy
with lots of forks.

Too many -- like five.
-Okay.

I wouldn't do this for just
anyone, so...treat me right.

Make it worth it.

Deal.

(sighs)

**

Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm not feeling this.

(both grunting)

Winner -- DiMeo!

(both breathing heavily)

I'm sorry.

I couldn't do it.

I guess this is goodbye.

**

That was my first kiss.

That was my first loss.

I didn't mind it.

Yeah. Me, neither.

Compromise and
say burgers?

-Yeah.
-Get off the mat!

MAN:
...while the male gorilla

emerges from the brush
searching for food...

Ray, can I be honest with you
about something?

When you were talking
with that girl earlier today,

it made me
kind of jealous.

Taylor, you've got nothing
to be jealous about --

believe me.

And you being honest
with me

makes me want to be honest
with you.

So...

...I will,
if it ever comes up.

Okay, there is something
I need to tell you about.

I got freaked out by Lars,
so I invited Kimberly.

I wanted you
to be jealous.

Ray!
Not cool.

But kind of flattering.

And I appreciate
the honesty.

See, I knew
you'd understand.

And no more games.

She got the wrong idea
and she kissed me.

What?

No, I didn't
kiss her back.

See, this is honesty.
It's good.

Hit me cutely again.
You let her kiss you?

I didn't let her.
She just did it.

There's nothing you can do
when someone just kisses you.

Okay, see,
next time I'll do that.

You kissed someone else?

You need to go.

And come back in a couple
of minutes or...

Or never.

**

God, that works
so well.

MAN: Now, let's get you over
to Lori for the traffic.

How's it looking out there
on our freeways?

(TV turns off, door closes)

Your adult son has a statement
he's asked me to read.

"I want to apologize for leaving
and for all I said.

It was rude, ungrateful,
and childish.

I'm sorry.

Thanks for all
you did today

and all you've done
my first 18 years."

Is that
a bloody tattoo?

"Yes, Mom, it is
a bloody tattoo."

Good guess
on the timing.

"At first I wanted to get one
to lash out at you.

That's dumb.

But I did want to mark
my 18th birthday."

JIMMY:
Fudgie the Whale.

I don't hate it.

But before I turn on it,

do you want us to show you
your present?

Ta-da!

"I know we have
a G-A-- garage."

We had a garage.

You are a man.
This is your cave.

JIMMY:
You deserve a space.

This is a nearby,
but different, roof.

We still have to clean it out,
but we will.

And we brought in
some of your grown-up things.

So you can kick back
with your knife and,

for some reason,
cold medicine.

So, what do you think?

**

"I just have one
Q-U-- question."

Anything, darling.

"What are you still doing
in my C-A-- cave?"

He loves it.

Happy birthday, buddy.

(door closes)

How will we know when
we're meant to come back?

(sighs)

Well, it turns out, Ruby,
that while we were going out,

I was actually in an exclusive
relationship with my girlfriend,

and that girlfriend
is now my wife,

and she would like you to know
that I am off the market...

(quietly) 20 years.
...and have been
for 20 years.

My marriage
is going great.

Thank you.
Classic Ruby.

I still don't get how you didn't
realize that we were exclusive.

I mean, it makes a person wonder
what else needs to be named.

Okay. We are not in
an open marriage.

No flirting.

Except to get out
of tickets.

No friending high-school exes
on social media.

Yeah.

Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

I just -- I have to check
my computer

for something unrelated.

Are you kidding me?!

**

I make awesome guacamole.

It just works.
I don't -- It's --

-- Captions by VITA --