Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:08,176
**
2
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:13,581
**
3
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:19,220
**
4
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:24,592
**
5
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,428
Maya, no. I'm tired.
6
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,663
**
7
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:30,598
[ Screams ]
8
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,400
[ Screams ]
9
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:35,536
I don't care if you're tired!
I will not be rejected!
10
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:36,937
[ Screams ]
11
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:41,041
[ All screaming ]
12
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,511
I'm every bit as surprised
by this as you guys!
13
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,512
Ahhh...
14
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,180
[ Hisses ]
15
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:49,283
Hey!
He learned to come.
16
00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:51,119
Who's a good boy?
17
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,887
-- Captions by VITAC --
18
00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,390
You know I hate snakes.
19
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,192
They're right there
on the "Dead to Me" wall --
20
00:00:58,226 --> 00:00:59,293
amphibians.
21
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,394
Snakes aren't amphibians.
22
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,363
"Know-it-alls".
Get rid of it.
23
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,898
Come on. It's Christmas,
and Christmas is about
24
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,567
meeting each other
in the middle.
25
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,136
It's just not.
26
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:11,805
I'll give the snake away today,
but this Christmas I want a dog.
27
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,108
[ Gasps ] Ooh, a dog.
28
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,610
I've always wanted a dog.
No one ever lets me get a dog.
29
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,212
Don't let her play
you like this.
30
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,447
She's just changing
the subject.
31
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,215
-Please.
-Please.
32
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:23,050
This is really what
we're doing at 4:00 a.m. --
33
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,818
a puppy referendum?
-It's a puppy now?
34
00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:28,622
We have talked about this --
the responsibility, the expense.
35
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:30,558
How about this?
You don't get us any presents.
36
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,792
None.
37
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:34,628
I want P-R-- "presents".
38
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,231
Well, you are
a B-U-- "buzzkill".
39
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:40,000
"I just started F-I--
film class.
40
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:43,171
I want a c-- camera.
Can I?"
41
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:46,240
You're off-topic. Dad was
just asking us for a dog.
42
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,241
A dog.
43
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,576
Ray:
Guys, I want a dog too,
44
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,411
but according to our lease,
we're not allowed.
45
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,845
-You read the lease?
-I like to read.
46
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,814
We have like four books.
I make due.
47
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,583
We really
can't have a dog?
48
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:56,784
Well, now I want one.
49
00:01:56,817 --> 00:02:00,120
Wait a second.
There is one loophole.
50
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:02,623
We can get a service dog.
51
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,924
[ Gasps ]
52
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,194
Both:
We're gonna get a dog!
53
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:10,798
"You mean I could get
a service dog?"
54
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:14,268
Well, this is not a question
I expected to be asking
55
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:17,471
when I was woken up by a snake
four minutes ago,
56
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:20,274
but here goes --
JJ, can we get a service dog?
57
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:22,943
Come on, JJ.
It will be gi-gun-dous.
58
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,012
Yeah,
listen to your sister.
59
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,181
She only ever says
"gi-gun-dous"
60
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:29,783
when it's really important...
and in Scrabble.
61
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,118
"No."
62
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,152
Yeah, no, the "yes"
is right there.
63
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,287
Point there.
Point there.
64
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:36,790
"I don't need one.
There are people who do.
65
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,460
It's my call. No."
66
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,729
You are full
of integrity, JJ.
67
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,631
It's a shame
I no longer love you.
68
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,833
Hey, Kenneth,
how was your weekend?
69
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:46,967
-Terrible.
-Cool.
70
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,036
You know I moonlight
at that grocery store?
71
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:52,306
These customers are driving me
crazy with this turkey giveaway!
72
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,375
-Giveaway?
-Yeah.
73
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,577
It's this program where
if you spend $100
74
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,247
then you get a free turkey,
but these cheapskates
75
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,182
are scrounging other people's
receipts to game the system.
76
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:05,018
So, you don't even have to prove
that it's your purchase?
77
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,888
Yeah, I see where somebody
can take advantage of that.
78
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:11,492
Today, I saw this dirtbag walk
out of there with eight turkeys.
79
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,395
So, it's not just one turkey?
It's unlimited turkeys?
80
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:17,898
Ah, so, um, what time
are you guys open until?
81
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,667
No.
82
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,270
What is more important --
my friendship, or free turkey?
83
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,971
You said it was
unlimited turkeys.
84
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:29,610
Melanie: Okay, cookie-tasters --
batch number three.
85
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,445
Hmm.
86
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,614
Boy, Taylor, if that apron
did not say "Mom",
87
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,450
I would think your sister
is great at baking cookies.
88
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:39,853
I know what you're doing...
and I love it.
89
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,355
Now, tell me
with a straight face
90
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:42,923
that I still look like
I'm in high school.
91
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,224
-Are you not?
-Love him.
92
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,059
Should I leave
you two alone?
93
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,696
Don't tempt me.
I will be all over --
94
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,364
Now that's too far.
Too, too far.
95
00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:52,300
Okay, so let's talk about
Christmas week.
96
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,734
I was thinking I could come
to you
97
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,235
Monday, Wednesday,
and Friday.
98
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,037
Whoa. Before you keep
making plans,
99
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,939
I feel like it's time
I met Ray's parents.
100
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,408
Why?!
101
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,543
I mean, they're
just regular parents.
102
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:06,480
They read leases
and...stuff.
103
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,549
Well, Taylor's been spending
a lot of time in their home,
104
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,551
and I'd like to get a sense
of what they're like.
105
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,320
Come on, Mom. Don't be
like that. They're great.
106
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,954
Taylor, if that's what
she needs to do
107
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,723
to feel comfortable,
then I'll set it up.
108
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,224
I mean, I don't know
why your sister
109
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,059
wants to meet
your boyfriend's mom --
110
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,429
-Just set it up.
-Yes, ma'am.
111
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:26,266
JJ, you still don't want
a service dog, right?
112
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,836
Even if he's a good, little boy
with a vest,
113
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,004
and a clicker that
when you click,
114
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,574
he comes from the next room
like it was magic.
115
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:34,608
Maya.
116
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,745
"No. I'm crazy."
I added that last part.
117
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:41,782
Right, I just wanted to make
sure 'cause you got one.
118
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,918
There's a waiting list, and
I guess somebody dropped out,
119
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,186
so they came to you.
120
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,822
They were very moved
by your...essay?
121
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:51,258
"My name is JJ DiMeo.
122
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,294
I am a teenage boy with cerebral
palsy" -- spelled wrong.
123
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,129
"It is my dream
to have a companion" --
124
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,332
spelled wrong.
"It would be" --
125
00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:01,535
Oh, this is spelled correctly --
"gi-gun-dous".
126
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,871
**
127
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,774
Hi, JJ.
128
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,310
"E-X-- explain this."
129
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,448
Oh, no.
Okay, in my defense,
130
00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,884
this was supposed to take years
to come through.
131
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,318
I was going to tell you.
132
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:23,557
"You I-G-- ignored what
I wanted. And you used me.
133
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:28,195
Big mistake.
G-I-- gi-gun-dous mistake."
134
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,863
JJ, please
don't be mad at me.
135
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,331
You're never mad at me.
136
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,401
I don't even know what
that would be like.
137
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:36,570
"Get ready to find out".
138
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:41,141
**
139
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,176
You spelled "dog" wrong.
140
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,546
**
141
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,880
What the...
142
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,181
I thought you were
better than this!
143
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,316
You did? Why?
144
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,520
I specifically asked you
not to do this.
145
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:53,854
I hope you had fun!
146
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,756
I have started
to have fun, yes.
147
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,091
The promotion is meant
for paying customers.
148
00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,427
If I see you at my store,
149
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,862
I will not hesitate to
confiscate your receipts.
150
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,231
You keep making
this fun for me!
151
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,999
Mm-hmm. Fine.
Have it your way.
152
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,769
I'll see you
at the dumpsters...
153
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:12,740
where you did not realize
we throw out the receipts.
154
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,742
I'm very bad at this!
155
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,745
Mom, you know how crazy I am
about Taylor.
156
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,548
I want you to meet her mom,
and I want it to go well.
157
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:23,050
I need "Charming Maya",
not "Combative Maya".
158
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,186
When in the history
of this entire family
have I ever been...
159
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,755
[ Chuckles ]
I'm only joking, darling.
160
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,256
No, I'll be fine.
I'll be good.
161
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,391
She likes it when you
tell her she looks young.
162
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,961
Oh, no. You're not "You look
like sisters" guy, are you?
163
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:37,197
No. That guy?
Ew, no one likes that guy.
164
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,067
You're both special-needs moms.
She even made you cookies.
165
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,735
[ Crunches ]
They are delicious.
166
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,638
I shall take a meeting with the
woman who made these cookies.
167
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,106
I'll go tell Taylor.
168
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,975
"Happiest of holidays
from the home
169
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,043
of John Merriman
and Melanie Hertzal."
170
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,045
[ Spits out cookie ]
What did you say?
171
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,914
"Melanie Hertzal." Where do
I know that name from?
172
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,415
I'll tell you where you know
that name from.
173
00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:59,252
That woman is dead to me.
174
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:00,821
Awk-waaard.
175
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,493
More awk-waaard.
176
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,933
Of all the people to be
Taylor's mom, Melanie Hertzal!
177
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,068
Ugh, she did
such a bad thing...
178
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,738
You don't have to
pretend to remember.
179
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,407
Look, ten years ago, there was
an opening at a school
180
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,309
that would have been
perfect for JJ,
181
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,311
and the spot
was as good as his.
182
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,280
Then I met Melanie Hertzal
at a special-needs mom event.
183
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,983
She told me the application
deadline had been moved.
184
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,920
She lied, we missed it,
and her kid got the spot.
185
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,955
Stop eating
the bloody cookies!
186
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,690
I was eating them
out of anger.
187
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,859
Well, do you think
you can sit down
188
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,661
with this woman
and be civil?
189
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,329
[ Both laugh ]
190
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:43,697
I thought
you'd like that one.
191
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,032
There's no good version of me
meeting her.
192
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,700
You know
what might help?
193
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,368
I don't want to get
free turkeys.
194
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,708
[ Sighs ]
195
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:57,711
Look. I know you're upset
with me, and I respect that.
196
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:00,413
I'll give you the time and space
you need to forgive me.
197
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,284
I'm sorry, JJ!
I'm so sorry!
198
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,787
I'm staying here
until you forgive me.
199
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,789
[ Groans ]
200
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,791
I--I just wanted a dog.
201
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,061
Explain to me why
what I did was so wrong.
202
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:19,299
"You don't even understand
what it's like to be me."
203
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,235
No, I don't understand.
204
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:23,837
But I'm going to.
205
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,907
I'll speak how you speak --
no words.
206
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:31,912
"That's stupid.
I want to be U-N-- understood.
207
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,981
That will never work."
208
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:37,551
Well, we're going to
find out, starting...
209
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:41,488
Hm, seems unlikely,
but a Dylan who can't speak
210
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:45,425
is a Dylan who can't
criticize my fashion choices.
211
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:48,762
**
212
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:53,033
**
213
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,968
She take a vow of silence
or something?
214
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,843
Jimmy:
Nice receipt. Come to Papa.
215
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,412
Gotcha.
And I found you a friend.
216
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:09,850
**
217
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:14,454
**
218
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:18,892
**
219
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:22,195
Mmm. Turkey.
220
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:25,065
You win.
No receipts for me.
221
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,700
[ Coughs ]
222
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:29,903
**
223
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,940
Kenneth:
Attention shoppers. The store
closes in five minutes.
224
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:36,744
-Yeah, plenty of time.
-Close lane four.
225
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:40,580
**
226
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:43,817
Attention shoppers. The store
will close in one minute.
227
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,485
The store's tricky like that.
228
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,820
Close lane three.
229
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:48,889
**
230
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:49,923
Close lane two!
231
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:53,727
**
232
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,629
Hello?
Kind of in a hurry here.
233
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,667
Attention, shoppers.
We're now closed,
234
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,502
and we'll be killing the lights
for dramatic effect.
235
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,975
[ Laughs ] Good night.
236
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,610
[ Both laugh ]
237
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,448
Dylan, I heard
you're not talking today.
238
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,117
I certainly hope you're
not going to bring
239
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,219
any of that nonsense into your
oral exam on civil disobedience.
240
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:23,156
Nevertheless,
she persisted.
241
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,658
"A."
242
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,927
[ Sighs ]
243
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,030
"A free 'A'.
Yep, that's my life.
244
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:35,135
You're not learning anything.
You can't understand."
245
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,137
Dylan! Beth Boehm's
out of school
246
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,707
for the third day in a row.
I think she's pregnant.
247
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:44,111
You're right. Gossip is wrong.
You're such a good person.
248
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,313
You want to go to Aruba
with me and my family?
249
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:50,017
**
250
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,451
What are you doing?
251
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,787
Trying to fix the lighting
for Melanie's visit.
252
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:56,389
Did I miss it when we renamed
the house "Boom Boom Ranch"
253
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,658
because we sure light it
like a brothel. God.
254
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,528
Yeah, about tomorrow -- I think
we're going to have to cancel.
255
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:04,131
I ate some bad shrimp
and I'm feeling pretty sick.
256
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,665
Can we not
just postpone a day?
257
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,667
Do you think you'll
be better by Sunday?
258
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:08,869
I don't know.
259
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:11,038
I may eat more of that shrimp.
It was really good.
260
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,040
Do you not want
to meet Melanie?
261
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:16,877
Ohh, darling, alright.
Look.
262
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:20,580
The truth is...
I had a premonition.
263
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:25,819
And I met Melanie. And there was
this massive cyber-attack,
264
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,388
countless Hollywood A-listers
were hacked.
265
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,524
Emma Watson's name
was dragged through the mud.
266
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,193
I'm not saying it's going to
happen, but, I mean,
267
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,995
do you really want
to take that chance?
268
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,997
If you don't want to meet her,
I'll figure it out.
269
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,432
Oh, look, it's the hackers.
They can't get in.
270
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:40,433
Well done, darling.
271
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,542
**
272
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:50,844
Seriously?!
273
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,113
Ha, Kenneth! 'Sup?
274
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,282
"'Sup" is you're making
the hardest part
275
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,217
of my year even harder.
Why?
276
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,019
What the hell are you gonna
do with 20 turkeys?
277
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,553
Nothing.
278
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:01,721
I need 30.
279
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,223
Oh, that I get.
280
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,058
It's my first Christmas
as a boss.
281
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:11,398
Every Christmas, my dad's boss
would get turkeys
282
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:14,534
for all his employees,
and I wanted to be that guy.
283
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,537
But I can't afford it,
so I'm collecting receipts.
284
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,440
Wait, so you'd rather I think
you're a total dirtbag
285
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,376
than admit that you're trying
to be a good boss?
286
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,745
I thought you'd think
it was stupid.
287
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:29,216
I get unfulfilled
holiday dreams.
288
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:33,253
I've always wanted to be
an office Santa.
289
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:36,223
Not "Black Santa",
just Santa.
290
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,892
And nobody making
"ho ho ho" pimp jokes.
291
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:39,893
[ Chuckles ]
292
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,594
They suck.
293
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,897
You know what?
294
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:47,167
I can be regular Santa
to at least one little boy.
295
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,470
[ Squelches ]
296
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:51,738
Not receipts?
297
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,073
Feels like tuna.
298
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,875
[ Sighs ]
299
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:04,517
**
300
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:09,456
**
301
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:14,361
**
302
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:19,332
**
303
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:24,271
**
304
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:29,176
**
305
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:34,114
**
306
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,683
[ Laughs ]
307
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:41,054
**
308
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:45,993
**
309
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,861
-Hey, Mom.
-Hey, Mrs. DiMeo.
310
00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:49,562
Oh, hello, Taylor.
I didn't know you were coming.
311
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,198
What a nice surprise.
312
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,334
Well, if you like surprises of
people coming over, then, uh...
313
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,236
Mrs. DiMeo,
I'd like you to meet --
314
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,038
Melanie Hertzal.
315
00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:01,841
Melanie! You're here!
And you've met.
316
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,810
This went well.
Turkey for the road?
317
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,212
No, Dad,
she just got here.
318
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,914
Maya, you look
very familiar.
319
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,515
I used to be a model.
320
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:09,516
Really? When?
321
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,251
Let the woman
have been a model.
322
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,352
Thanks for coming.
323
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,521
You should know
we absolutely adore Ray.
324
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,489
He was so excited
about getting us together,
325
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,191
and we're both
special-needs moms,
326
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,426
we gotta
stick together, right?
327
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:23,530
Well, most of us do,
but some of us are weak,
328
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,598
and we hear about a slot
at the perfect school,
329
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,600
and lie about
the application date.
330
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:31,538
And we take a very long time
to see where this is going.
331
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:32,772
Oh, no.
332
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,608
Oh, yes.
You broke the sacred bond,
333
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:39,846
the bond between special-needs
mom and special-needs mom/model.
334
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,214
You stole the spot
from my son!
335
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,882
I did no such thing.
336
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:47,020
Well, Mom, Melanie
is from Michigan.
337
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,256
Okay. I think
we're done here.
338
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,290
Mom, wait!
339
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,125
Liar! You're dead
to me! Dead!
340
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,626
And you look
your bloody age!
341
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,628
[ Door slams ]
342
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:56,829
So, where in Michigan?
343
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:02,936
I told you I didn't
want to meet her.
344
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,104
Why didn't you tell me
you knew her?
345
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,638
Because I knew you
wouldn't take my side.
346
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,407
You'd say I was being dramatic
and I should let it go.
347
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,242
You were dramatic, and you
should have let it go.
348
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,743
Look at that.
My premonitions are good.
349
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:13,046
You know what?
You're going to go apologize.
350
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,914
Your premonitions --
no bueno.
351
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:17,584
Please.
You have to, for me.
352
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:20,620
It will be hard, but you do hard
things for someone you love.
353
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,156
I'm crazy about her.
354
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:26,226
What would
"Model Maya" do?
355
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:31,064
**
356
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:32,899
Ah, hey guys.
357
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,069
I know it's party time here,
but we just had a flight land.
358
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:40,073
I'm going to need your help
with some surprise cargo!
359
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,409
That's right. Turkeys.
360
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:46,279
Oh, no, I don't have enough
for everybody...
361
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,847
but he does.
362
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,616
[ All oohing ]
363
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,618
Look, everyone.
It's regular Santa!
364
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,920
Ho ho ho!
365
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:58,025
Jimmy says you've all been good
boys and girls this year.
366
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:00,360
Thanks, boss.
You're the best.
367
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:05,232
Ho ho ho!
Race is a social construct.
368
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,968
"Get me a straw."
369
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:12,272
No, JJ's looking
for quiet passion.
370
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,540
[ Scoffs ]
371
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,009
"Give me a straw."
That's what he wants, Kyle.
372
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:17,877
Oh, no, it's not?
373
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:20,513
[ Door opens ]
374
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:23,150
"Best gift ever."
Yes, very generous.
375
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,218
But it is
a closed set, dear.
376
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:27,554
So, thank you, and whenever
you're ready.
377
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,089
"Get me a straw."
378
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:34,061
You know what? You're going
to hold the clapper thingy.
379
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,063
Hello.
380
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,498
Ray, I'm sorry that I left
without saying goodbye.
381
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,667
Your mother looks like
she could be a biter.
382
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,336
-[ Clicks teeth ]
-You remember Mom?
383
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:46,073
Welcome to our home...
384
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,408
with a guard dog who will defend
me if called upon.
385
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,543
I don't think
there's a dog.
386
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:56,083
Oh, Taylor, wait!
My mom has something to say.
387
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,551
**
388
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,019
I owe you an apology.
389
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:01,988
You were a guest
in our home,
390
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,491
and the way I treated you
was beyond rude,
391
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,527
so in the spirit of the season,
and out of respect for you,
392
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,862
I offer you my most sincere
apology.
393
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:13,333
I hope you'll forgive me, and
that we can move past this.
394
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,268
Well, Ray, if you
would like to return,
395
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:17,104
you're welcome back
anytime.
396
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,938
And maybe you two
can get a do-over.
397
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:21,341
I think you guys will really
like each other a lot.
398
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,243
And both of you
could be my sisters.
399
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,877
Yeah, we're done
with that.
400
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:27,514
But the thing is, there's still
this business about years ago.
401
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,949
I mean, whatever I did
back then, I did for my son,
402
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,584
which is something
that your mother
403
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,220
should be able to
understand.
404
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:38,391
Well, uh, for that,
again, I--
405
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,228
Wait. Seriously?
She apologized to you.
406
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,430
I dream of getting
one of those.
407
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,898
Ask any of the three drivers
she rear-ends a day.
408
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,267
She doesn't apologize.
409
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,436
Well, they do
usually stop short.
410
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,471
Nuh-unh.
It's not right.
411
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,473
Taylor, I hope
we can weather this.
412
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:56,276
I don't know how you
liked me in the first place.
413
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,478
I'm not the coolest guy
or the hottest guy.
414
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,047
You can disagree with me
at any time.
415
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,250
But I'm not the guy
who's going to stand around
416
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,784
and watch his mom
get dumped on.
417
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,887
She deserves better.
Not cool.
418
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,389
Come on, Mom.
419
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,723
Hmm.
420
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,392
Sorry.
421
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,493
For what?
422
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,329
Nothing. It's for free.
Enjoy it, darling.
423
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,269
[ Music plays loudly ]
424
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,270
[ Thud ]
Ow!
425
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,472
Ooh, I felt that one.
426
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,976
[ Groans ]
Honey, come quick.
427
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,744
Beethoven
is ruining Christmas.
428
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:34,181
Merry Christmas!
429
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,816
It is Christmas morning.
Don't you people have families?
430
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,918
JJ just completed
his first film project,
431
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,853
and I wanted to be here
when you all saw it.
432
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,422
Plus, I woke up this morning
433
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,424
with a profound sense
of loneliness,
434
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,759
and I needed to be with people
who love me.
435
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,663
[ Silence ]
436
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,131
So, there's a movie?
437
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,600
Yeah, yeah. Come on.
Have a seat.
438
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,001
Jimmy, if you could
do the lights.
439
00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:00,473
**
440
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:04,544
**
441
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,546
Young man:
But this is how I sound to me.
442
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:12,319
Because...I...don't...think...
in...pauses...like...this.
443
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:15,222
It's not always easy
communicating the way I do.
444
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:18,291
"Get me
the S-T-R-- string?"
445
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:19,992
-Straw.
-Strawberries?
446
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,295
Straw!
Are you kidding me?!
447
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:27,066
Then I come home, and you guys
get me, and you really listen,
448
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,803
which is why I'm so sensitive
when you don't.
449
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,906
But most of the time,
I'm just thankful for you,
450
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:37,076
and I can't always say exactly
what I'm thinking.
451
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:39,579
If I could...
-Good night, my love.
452
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:41,814
Thank you. Good night, Mom.
I love you.
453
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,050
**
454
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,319
And Kenneth, for making me
a hit with the ladies.
455
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,488
Let's muss up this hair
a little bit,
456
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,258
and I'm going to say it again,
"Ladies love a moustache".
457
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,859
Think about it.
458
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,193
Here. Try this.
459
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,896
Five more turkeys
where that came from.
460
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,331
You kept five
for yourself?
461
00:19:58,365 --> 00:19:59,732
Shh.
462
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:01,834
Thanks, Dad.
Dark meat's my favorite.
463
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,836
Oh, dark meat. I know
it's your favorite.
464
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,872
Are those reindeer
hooking up?
465
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,608
No, they're dancing!
466
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:09,909
Oh, wait.
467
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,544
Dylan:
Is this thing even on?
468
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,980
It is. Thanks
for the camera, sis.
469
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,550
* We wish you a sexy Christmas
and a funky New Year *
470
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:19,185
Ooh.
471
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,187
Young man: Still on!
Thanks for this, Ray.
472
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,391
Look out, ladies.
He's single.
473
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:27,260
I appreciate all the times
you've listened to me,
474
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:29,796
even though you
couldn't hear me.
475
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:32,265
I've been listening
to you, too.
476
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:34,801
[ Click ]
477
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,038
-Oh!
[ Barks ]
478
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:42,275
It's not a service dog,
but it is a family dog.
479
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:44,944
Thanks.
480
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,079
Merry Christmas, everyone.
481
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:52,084
**
482
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,427
**
483
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,562
Taylor.
484
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,964
I don't have your jacket, if
that's what you came here for.
485
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,433
No, I came to see you.
486
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,468
I thought your mom said you
couldn't see me anymore.
487
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,937
She did. And I've never wanted
to see you more.
488
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,306
You're the bad boy.
489
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:16,909
That's who I am! I'm the guy you
don't take home to see Mom!
490
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,445
It was almost too obvious.
491
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,313
I guess it's time
to break curfew.
492
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,482
[ Clunk ]
Ow. Ow. That kills.
493
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:25,117
Ohh!
Can we break curfew tomorrow?
494
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:27,053
Bad boy needs some ice.
35662
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
