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1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,505
I've got homework.
Who called the family meeting?
2
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:08,342
I did.
We have a problem.
3
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,010
Wait,
there's no push-back
4
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,745
on me calling
a family meeting?
5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:12,913
Aww.
I love you guys.
6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,448
(indistinct chatter)
Stop!
7
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,016
Down!
8
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:19,053
College-application
time.
9
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,388
JJ's not taking it
seriously.
10
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:21,922
Seniors were supposed
11
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,091
to hand in this essay
a week ago.
12
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,926
Why haven't you done it?
It's really important.
13
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,361
"It is.
14
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:30,531
But there's so much
good TV these days."
15
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,534
Living in the golden age
of content is no excuse, JJ.
16
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:34,535
Your father and I
will support
17
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:35,503
whatever hopes
you have for college,
18
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,171
but you got
to take the lead.
19
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,108
Let's talk essay.
What is your passion?
20
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,012
P-O-O--
21
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:46,847
No, JJ, not buying it.
22
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:47,781
Pretending
you have to poop
23
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:48,849
has gotten you
out of enough jams.
24
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,051
You have passions.
25
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,853
Let's put our heads together.
We got this.
26
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,188
**
27
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,756
I've got it!
28
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:56,990
What's your passion?
29
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,726
"Short essays."
Done.
30
00:00:58,826 --> 00:00:59,693
Eh?
31
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,229
We all hate it
32
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,030
when you try and think
outside the box.
33
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,032
Yeah.
34
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,734
Oh, I know!
Giving back to society.
35
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,436
When has he ever?
36
00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:10,003
Never. He'll start.
Type.
37
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:12,406
(keyboard clacking)
"...and make our world
38
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,943
a better place
for us all."
39
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:19,079
Perfect.
JJ?
40
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,714
**
41
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,450
That is not
what you just said to him.
42
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,218
I told him
what he needed to hear.
43
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:28,088
(sighs) Oh, you can't
be mad, though, can you?
TV's too bloody good.
44
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:32,059
**
45
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,694
Mom, Dad?
46
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:34,728
I don't ask for much.
47
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,664
I don't drive a fancy car
48
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,065
or wear the latest fashions
from Milan.
49
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,669
Can I have a pet snake?
50
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,337
-Don't be ridiculous!
-Not on your life.
51
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,505
I understand.
52
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:48,209
**
53
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,277
(snake hissing)
54
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:52,780
So, you're gonna be
a secret snake.
55
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,415
Sssssss!
56
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,218
What is it, darling?
57
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,486
Danton College?
58
00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:00,354
That's six hours away.
59
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,356
"But it's good for"...
60
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,991
E-N-- "engineering.
61
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:05,193
It's my passion."
62
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,194
Really?
63
00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,495
Buddy, you do know
that an engineer
64
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:10,164
isn't the guy who drives
the train, right?
65
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,834
He also has to inspect
and maintain the train.
66
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,537
"I want to make things.
67
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,538
My life is a"...
68
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,739
P-U-- "puzzle.
69
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:22,610
I want to find solutions
and help people."
70
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,945
Well, that is beautiful.
71
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,680
I told you we were
good parents!
72
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,048
Agree to disagree.
73
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,783
JJ, engineering
is your passion?
74
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,018
You've never mentioned it.
75
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:33,153
"I didn't think it was"...
76
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:37,358
P-O-- "possible until now."
77
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:38,926
Oh, they've got
a tour this weekend.
78
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,428
"Can we go?
79
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:43,231
It would be a"...
D-R-- "dream."
80
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,335
(sighs)
Look at his face.
81
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,570
It's six hours away.
It's not practical.
82
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,071
I think we have to have
a hard conversation.
83
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,674
Let me take this one?
84
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,043
Buddy,
we believe in you,
85
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:59,413
but you going to a college
that far away --
86
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,448
Overruled!
87
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:01,582
How dare you
limit our son?!
88
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,717
JJ, go and pack.
89
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,419
Did you know
we were going to do that?
90
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,888
You know what, don't tell me.
Ruins the magic.
91
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:11,825
Gents. Parents are away
for the weekend.
92
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,527
Throwing
a little get-together.
93
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:16,029
You guys are invited.
94
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,064
"A night
of fantasy gaming.
95
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,366
When the parents
are away,
96
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:21,235
the kids shall...
roleplay?"
97
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,770
Uh...
98
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,105
(chuckles)
Yeah, we'll see.
99
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:29,209
All right,
seven yeses.
100
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,414
Ray, buddy, no one's
gonna go to this.
101
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,082
Those kids want
to go to parties.
102
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,317
Oh, no,
this high school
103
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,851
doesn't actually
have parties.
104
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,321
That stuff's just a myth
created by Hollywood elites.
105
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,522
(sighs)
106
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,259
Oh, Ray...
107
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,394
This high school
has parties?
108
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:47,428
Mm-hmm.
109
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,531
All right, new plan --
I'm throwing a real party.
110
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:51,732
As the coolest guy
I know,
111
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,934
I want you to handle
the guest list.
112
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,068
Oh, invite
your brother!
113
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,271
You for real?
My brother's crazy.
114
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,673
I want him --
and his friends.
115
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:02,175
And tell him to bring...
116
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,544
(whispers)
...liquid refreshments.
117
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:04,578
(scoffs)
It's your party.
118
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,247
Also, remind me,
do parties at this school
119
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,249
usually have,
like, themes?
120
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,551
What?
No.
121
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,186
I was just kidding,
Justin.
122
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,222
Comedy.
123
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:19,727
**
124
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,530
Maya: Come on, Dylan!
Let's get on the road!
125
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,398
Coming!
(sighs)
126
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,567
Off to college,
Dylan Junior.
127
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,201
I'll miss...you.
128
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,405
Snakes can escape?!
129
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:34,542
What were you
doing back there?
130
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,411
I'm...restoring
an antique piano.
131
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:38,512
Oh, okay.
132
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,247
Have a good weekend, guys.
Ta-ta.
133
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:42,249
Wait.
Ray's staying here?
134
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,318
Yeah, we weren't sure
about leaving a teenager
alone for the weekend,
135
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:47,521
but, I mean,
the guy just said, "Ta-ta."
136
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:54,061
Let's just hope this isn't
the big...ta-ta.
137
00:04:57,565 --> 00:05:00,701
Finally!
A little love around here.
138
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,874
(Bob Seger's "Old Time
Rock And Roll" playing)
139
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:07,908
Aah!
140
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,444
Ohh!
Ohh, that's a nail!
141
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,079
(grunts)
That's a nail!
142
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:13,947
Ohh! Ohh!
Mommy, come home!
143
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,483
(knock on door)
144
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:17,317
(music stops)
145
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,888
'Sup, Ray?
Party's in here, boys.
146
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,256
What is this?
Who are all these kids?
147
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,825
You said to invite
my brother and his friends.
148
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,361
I meant your cool
older brother.
149
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,029
Why would
he come to your party?
150
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,097
The dude's
got a moustache.
151
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,232
Thanks, Justin.
I owe you.
152
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,067
(scoffs) I'm gonna
hold you to that, Karen.
153
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,202
(laughs)
154
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,504
What the hell
is happening?!
155
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,906
Babysitting ring, bro.
I make mad coin.
156
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,608
And, uh, the moms
ain't that bad, either.
157
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,042
Have a fun party, Ray.
158
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,176
You're not even
staying?
159
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,245
Oh, heads up. If Trevor
has peanuts, he'll die.
160
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,615
Don't let him trick you.
Dude loves peanuts.
161
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,316
**
162
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,684
Sucks for Trevor.
163
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:55,222
Hey, can I have some peanuts?
My name's Chase.
164
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:57,725
This place is gorgeous.
Look at this quad.
165
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,661
Quad? At these prices,
it should be a quint!
166
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,230
(women scoff)
Laughing at great jokes
is un-PC now, huh?
167
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,264
Snowflakes.
168
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,833
What do you think
of this place, JJ?
169
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,235
"It's perfect."
170
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,070
Should we go find
that tour?
171
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,505
Dylan: "There's a"...
172
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:15,375
S-T-- "student-only tour
I want to take."
173
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,612
So independent.
All right, go forth, son.
174
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:19,613
Come back with dreadlocks
175
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:21,381
and tell me how everything
I know is incorrect.
176
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,718
We are gonna
break his heart.
177
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,920
Set aside the fact that
this place is six hours away,
178
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,321
we're never gonna be able
to afford this tuition.
179
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,658
Oh, come on.
Of course --
180
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,593
(gasps)
Good God!
181
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,495
That's just for JJ?
182
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,329
Why do we have
so many children?
183
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,598
Uh, look,
you know what,
184
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,900
we'll go by the financial-aid
office and have a talk.
185
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,069
You just couldn't keep your
bloody hands off me, could you?
186
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,370
(chuckles)
187
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,439
JJ,
where are you going?
188
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,708
You said the tour
was meeting back there.
189
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:51,512
"We're not here
for the tour."
190
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,380
**
191
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:54,414
Are they filming
a movie?
192
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,584
JJ?
193
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:57,585
JJ DiMeo's here!
194
00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:59,653
Wait!
JJ, you're in this?
195
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,189
We didn't come here
so you could tour the college,
196
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,257
we came here so you could
be in some movie?
197
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,026
This isn't
"some movie."
198
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,596
This is "Bikini University 3:
Horny Homecoming."
199
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:13,366
**
200
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,269
"I'm sorry,
I'm gross."
201
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:19,106
No, it's what
you should have said.
202
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,211
JJ!
203
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,346
I'm Frank Dante,
the director.
204
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,415
So glad
you answered our ad.
205
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:29,483
Dylan:
"It's an honor.
206
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,352
I loved
'Bikini University 2:
207
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,487
The Dean's"...
Ahh!
208
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,322
R-E-- "Revenge.'"
209
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:36,724
Kid, you don't know
how happy that makes me.
210
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,759
People say
that today's teens
211
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,661
don't want raunchy comedies
like "Bikini U."
212
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:46,066
"I do.
Gimme. Gimme. Gimme."
213
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,502
"Gimme."
214
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,170
I like this kid!
215
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,272
JJ! Mom and Dad
are gonna kill you
216
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:54,842
when I tell them
why we're really here.
217
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:59,446
"If you do, I'll tell them
about your S--"
218
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,549
You know
about my snake?!
219
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:04,484
How? We've been so careful
when I haven't lost him.
220
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,720
Hi! We're gonna be
working together!
221
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:10,357
I'm Ally, but my character's
name is Bikini Boobs.
222
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,192
(laughs)
"I'm JJ.
223
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:16,196
My character is
Bikini Boobs...
224
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:20,400
In Face...
Wheelchair Boy."
225
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:24,337
(sighs) You suck.
Like, a lot.
226
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,073
We have many financial-aid
packages available.
227
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,508
Take a look.
228
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,012
(clicks tongue)
Pauline, do you know,
229
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,181
I've never said this
to a woman before.
230
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,216
But I want to make you
fall in love with me,
231
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:39,386
give myself to you -- once --
then break your heart.
232
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:40,420
And when you ask me why,
233
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,056
I'm gonna say,
"'Cause of that chart."
234
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,859
That was fun. Uh, wait,
this looks interesting.
235
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,595
Uh, 80% off tuition?
236
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,496
Uh, that's for kids
of Danton employees.
237
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:50,731
Oh, we can do that.
238
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,065
I'll move up here
and I'll get a job.
239
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,100
But what would you do?
240
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,702
Clerical work,
be an assistant.
241
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:55,736
You know,
I'll start at the bottom.
242
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,370
(snickers)
243
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,338
Why are you laughing?
244
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,507
You, starting
at the bottom.
245
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:02,075
Answering to someone,
taking orders --
246
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,944
You know what? Actually,
could you get me that pen?
Get it yourself.
247
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,412
Yeah, that was a test.
You want to know how you did?
248
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,881
(sighs)
So I'm a natural alpha.
249
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:08,982
Sue me.
250
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,218
Look, if I've got to slum it
to help my son,
251
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,252
then that's
what I'll do.
252
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,921
Don't believe me?
Look, I'll show you.
253
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,725
Your pen.
That's actually my pen.
254
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:20,327
Lady, I've had it up to here
with you!
255
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,063
(children yelling)
256
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,231
Oh, it's so loud.
257
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,333
Just be quiet!
258
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,936
(yelling stops)
(ball bouncing)
259
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:32,439
Ugh. Don't do that.
Now it's just eerie.
260
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,074
(door closes)
261
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,609
(children laughing)
Ray!
262
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:38,846
You got me out of a hot tub
with a Shakira look-alike
263
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:40,648
to show me you started
a day-care center?
264
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:43,516
I tried to throw a party with
the coolest kids from school,
265
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,018
and this
is who showed up.
266
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,354
I'm a total loser.
267
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,256
Hey, Ray, come on.
268
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,758
This could be
a good thing.
269
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,425
You want to be cool?
270
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:55,028
Start with
an easy crowd first.
271
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,897
Kevin Hart
did open mics
272
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,498
before he could
fill stadiums.
273
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,200
Baseball players
start in the minors
274
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,735
before they hit
the big leagues.
275
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:05,839
Or rock stars.
There's a lot of examples.
276
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,008
I guess it's a very
basic concept.
277
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,443
How do I even impress
10-year-olds?
278
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,079
(chuckles)
Well, it's easy.
279
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:13,213
Hey, yo!
Listen up!
280
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,982
This guy
right here...
281
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:15,916
(laughs)
282
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,918
...he just said
the "A" word.
283
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,655
(admiring exclamations)
284
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:22,923
Yeah, no,
I'm not above this.
285
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,659
Okay, so, Dean Dinkins
does his line...
286
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,928
"Shut this party down
before you ruin everything!
287
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,396
I'm trying
to sell this college,
288
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:30,563
and I won't
have you blow it!"
289
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:34,501
Then I say to JJ,
"Your nose looks cold."
290
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:37,270
And then I stick my chest
in your face...
291
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,006
Then the dean talks.
292
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,608
"Shouldn't we
rehearse that part?"
293
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:44,011
Oh, no.
That part's easy.
294
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,413
JJ, why is your nose
even cold?
295
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:49,082
Oh, because the frat guys
locked him in a freezer.
296
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,183
But then I come
and warm him up.
297
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,484
(giggles)
298
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,420
"What might
that look like?"
299
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,489
Ugh, I'm really struggling
with my character.
300
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:57,524
Hopefully,
I'll just be amazing
301
00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:58,658
when we shoot it,
for some reason.
302
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:01,394
"One"...
S-U-- "suggestion.
303
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,364
Say your line
as you're walking out."
304
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:08,501
**
305
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,670
I like it.
Do you direct?
306
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:14,007
"No, I just watch
lots of movies."
307
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,109
Thanks, Boobs in Face
Wheelchair Boy.
308
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,544
(sighs)
309
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,679
(knock on door)
310
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,148
Hello. I have the groceries
you ordered.
311
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,549
You're the person
the app sent?
312
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:23,683
I know I don't
look the part,
313
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,018
but I'm using
this app
314
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,887
to prove I can take orders
and hold a job
315
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,722
so my son can attend
the school of his dreams.
316
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:29,857
No,
I was just confused.
317
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,859
It says here
you're a man named Mayo.
318
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:36,730
A thousand apologies,
oh, great Dave G.
319
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,498
(sighs) This was
the best grapefruit?
320
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:41,068
Well, you asked for
the "dankest grapefruit,"
321
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,502
which seemed subjective.
322
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:43,871
And I asked for Advil.
323
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,038
Oh, I got you
the generic brand.
324
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,606
It's the same thing.
I saved you 3 bucks.
325
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,742
You should've gotten me Advil.
This stuff sucks.
326
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,210
It's literally
the same thing.
327
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,178
Are you arguing
with me?
328
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:54,247
No! I'm being correct
near an idiot.
329
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,382
**
330
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,716
(upbeat funk music playing)
331
00:11:56,817 --> 00:12:00,888
Hey, Ray, we wanted
to play some Minecraft.
332
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:02,155
What are your rules
on screen time?
333
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,356
It's a party, man.
334
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,893
Unlimited...
within reason.
335
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:06,894
-Yes!
-Yes!
336
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:09,529
Dude, I saw this kit
in the store.
337
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,998
The box says
16 and older.
338
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,600
Wish I'd known that
when I built it.
339
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,668
When I was 13.
340
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:16,603
Whoa.
341
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:18,105
Juice box me.
342
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,242
It's all good.
343
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,244
I know
what "doing it" is.
344
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:27,147
He gave you one star,
and the comment is,
345
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,681
"Why can't I give
zero stars?"
346
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:29,716
Oh, for God's sake!
347
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,852
I had no idea
how hard it was
348
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,253
to let people
walk all over you.
349
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,587
What can I say,
some of us just have
350
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,857
a flair
for being emasculated.
351
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,258
Look, this place
is crazy expensive.
352
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:39,893
I-I don't think
it's meant to be.
353
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:43,030
We'll talk to JJ,
and it'll be okay.
Okay.
354
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,833
This grapefruit
is not dank!
355
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,902
Well, feed it to your three
"Scarface" posters, jackass!
356
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:49,937
You would not believe
357
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:52,339
how often people
come up to me and say,
358
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:56,109
"Frank, I love the 'Bikini
University' movies,
359
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,310
and I'm a woman."
360
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,746
**
361
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:02,482
(cellphone chimes)
362
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,550
Uh-oh.
Mom and Dad.
363
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,718
"Where's JJ?
We need to talk."
364
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,921
It's almost time
for your big scene, JJ.
365
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,657
Wait.
What's wrong?
366
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:13,894
**
367
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,663
"Want to do
some real acting?"
368
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,565
**
369
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:19,933
Hey.
370
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,168
We thought you guys
were on the tour.
371
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,837
We're sorry, but it's not
a realistic option.
372
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,606
Can we start heading back
and talk about it in the car?
373
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,242
JJ, there you are!
I brought someone.
374
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,845
Dean Dinkins,
this is JJ DiMeo.
375
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,147
JJ, I hear you're looking to
join our engineering department.
376
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,583
Son, you seem like
Danton material
377
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,851
through and through.
378
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,487
You're the dean?
You're very young.
379
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:41,654
And...hot.
380
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,656
(chuckles)
I get that a lot.
381
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,558
Working with quality
young people like JJ here
382
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,760
is my own
fountain of youth.
383
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,063
Yeah, JJ is awesome.
384
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,198
Well,
he made a friend.
385
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:54,601
And she's hot.
She's like Dean Dinkins hot.
386
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:55,668
JJ, let's get back.
387
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,071
That math equation
isn't gonna solve itself.
388
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,940
May I borrow him?
For math.
389
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,243
**
390
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,377
Well, we can't quit,
391
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,412
'cause it's his dream,
isn't it?
392
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,846
Go on,
open that app again.
393
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,916
(upbeat pop music playing)
Ah, look at you.
394
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:10,317
Feeling confident, huh?
395
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,719
My man,
I own this crowd.
396
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,255
I've got them wrapped
around my finger.
397
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,090
And once they see
my magic act...
398
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,992
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Too confident.
399
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,060
Too confident!
400
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,328
Too confident my "A."
401
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,563
Kids, pop a squat.
402
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:24,898
I can't watch this.
403
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,199
I'm calling
weird-eye Shakira
404
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,667
to tell her to
fire the tub back up.
405
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,669
**
406
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,171
(dramatic rock music playing)
407
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:36,109
We perceive our world
through our five senses.
408
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,577
Or do we?
409
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,146
(children gasping)
410
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,647
Oh, you ain't
seen nothin' yet.
411
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:44,417
(snake hissing)
Now I will remove my thumb.
412
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:45,385
(admiring exclamations)
413
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,653
I know, right?
414
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,021
Awesome!
415
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:52,325
(hissing continues)
416
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,427
(high-pitched scream)
(laughter)
417
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,729
Uh, grab some of that
equipment and follow me.
418
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,731
Oh, with pleasure.
Is there anything else
I can do for you?
419
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,267
Don't hold back.
Treat me like garbage.
420
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,169
I am your peon.
No, just that.
421
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:06,039
So this is for a movie?
What are you filming?
422
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,007
Okay, everyone,
come in quick.
423
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,976
We'll hide from the snake
in here.
424
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,543
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
425
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,844
**
426
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:14,181
No one else is afraid
of the snake?
427
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:17,717
(children chanting "Babies!")
428
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,387
I've got bad news for you,
Austin.
429
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:21,888
Those babies are us.
430
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,591
Frank, we are way behind.
We gotta do this.
431
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:27,027
Fine, but I need a rehearsal.
Where's Bikini Boobs?
432
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:27,995
Still in makeup.
433
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:31,164
Well, just get me
a stand-in. Anybody!
434
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,433
Hey, you, app lady.
Come with me.
435
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,668
Stand right here.
436
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,869
Face this way.
437
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:39,706
I mean, for five stars, I really
would stand in a volcano.
438
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,242
Where's our
horny wheelchair kid?
439
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,376
(wheels screech)
440
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,478
**
441
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,880
That's my
horny wheelchair kid.
442
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:51,985
JJ, I've lost sight
of Dad and...Mom.
443
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:54,754
I'm just gonna come clean.
I have a snake.
444
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,493
So that's why we're here?
We drove six hours,
445
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,162
we agonized over
how to pay for it.
446
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,031
I was gonna get a job up here,
and for what?
447
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,832
So you could
roll around a movie set
448
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,167
and nuzzle some girl's
chest puppies?
449
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,701
You made your mother
say "chest puppies."
450
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,671
"In the movie's defense,
451
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:16,043
they cast an actual
wheelchair user for the part."
452
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,078
Yeah, that is actually laudable.
Credit where credit's due.
Sure.
453
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:21,414
Doesn't change anything.
You lied!
454
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,050
You lied.
455
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,753
We were so happy that
you'd found a passion.
456
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,921
"You're"...D-R-- "dreaming
457
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,358
if you think
I could go"...
458
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,694
S-O-- "someplace
like this."
459
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,164
I'm not buying
your excuses anymore.
460
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,199
We take you seriously.
It's time you did, too.
461
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,267
Congratulations, JJ.
462
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:43,203
You've been accepted
to college...with honors.
463
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:46,939
Dean Dinkins, I'm gonna
make you fall in love with me,
464
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,209
then I'm gon--
Okay, you -- Just go.
465
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,643
Time to say goodbye
to your friends.
466
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,915
"I'm sorry.
I have to leave."
467
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,317
Eh, scene's a wreck,
anyway.
468
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,886
There's no good way
to shoot the party.
469
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:00,920
Bye, kid.
470
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,656
**
471
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:04,691
Jimmy: "Dad"...
472
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,527
U-N-- "unscrew
my board."
473
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:11,064
Together:
Ray and Austin are chickens!
474
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,066
Ray and Austin are chickens!
475
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,101
Ray:
Oh, I'm a chicken?
476
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,902
(children chanting "Chicken!")
So I provide 35%
477
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,770
of the protein
America consumes?
478
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,706
Real good insult.
479
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:20,807
Hey! All right.
All right. All right.
480
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:24,010
We've had our fun.
Help me find that snake.
481
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,978
Let's go.
482
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,014
My dad would've
found it already.
483
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:30,517
He kills snakes
all the time.
484
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:31,918
My dad
invented Pokémon.
485
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:36,656
Oh, really?
Your dad is Satoshi Tajiri?
486
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,691
Yeah,
that's what I thought.
487
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,093
(snake hissing)
488
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,994
**
489
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,029
Ray?
490
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:45,498
**
491
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:46,566
Dear God!
492
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,568
What kind of snake
highway's up there?!
493
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,669
(thud)
(both scream)
494
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,204
(hissing continues)
495
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,640
Okay,
you got this, Ray.
496
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:54,841
You g-- You got this.
497
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:55,875
All right.
498
00:17:55,975 --> 00:18:00,647
**
499
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,815
Yes!
500
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,685
Oh, no venom glands.
It's harmless.
501
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,320
I'm gonna go show everyone
I caught it.
502
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,923
And I'm never gonna
show my face again.
503
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:14,427
**
504
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,496
(indistinct conversations)
505
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,331
You ready?
506
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,167
And action!
507
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:23,236
* She's a straight-talkin',
street-walkin' girl *
508
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:26,239
(crowd cheering)
509
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:32,212
**
510
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:38,151
**
511
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:43,856
**
512
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,327
Oh, your nose
looks cold.
513
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,861
And cut!
514
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,363
We got it!
515
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,498
(cheers and applause)
516
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:54,201
Awesome.
(laughs)
517
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,368
Gosh! Look
at that smile.
518
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,536
Never seen you
so happy.
519
00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:00,072
"I've never been
so happy."
520
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:02,642
Hmm. And how much of that would
you say is breast-related?
521
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,912
"Five"...P-E-- "percent."
522
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,747
"Per breast."
Well...
523
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,416
That's a lot
left for movies.
524
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,050
Am I detecting
a passion?
525
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,486
**
526
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:16,923
"I'm"...S-O-- "sorry
I lied.
527
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:19,025
But thank you."
528
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:22,195
Oh, it's all right.
It's exciting, isn't it?
529
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,064
Now, do I have to have seen
"Bikini University" 1 and 2
530
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,734
in order to understand your role
in "Bikini University 3"?
531
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,237
Come on out, snake.
532
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,504
(indistinct conversations)
533
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,139
(gasps)
534
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,507
No way!
535
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,309
(children gasp)
536
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,377
Austin
found the snake!
537
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,980
Yeah, it tried eating us both,
but Austin wasn't scared.
538
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,014
Right, Austin?
539
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,851
Yeah.
I made this snake my "B."
540
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:47,554
All: Whoa!
541
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,257
Ray pooped his pants.
542
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,224
(laughter)
543
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,860
Really, man?
You had the win.
544
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,663
(scattered "goodbyes")
545
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,598
Justin Chang's
older brother!
546
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,666
Dustin:
Heard what you did.
547
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:00,733
Catching a snake
548
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,535
but letting Austin Chang
take credit?
549
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,737
That's huge.
550
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,306
Come on, little bro.
551
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,175
Dustin Chang
rates you...
552
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,377
one to watch.
553
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:13,813
**
554
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,982
Dude, you had
a pretty good day.
555
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:17,083
(laughs)
556
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:19,586
But not as good
as Dustin Chang's.
557
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:22,355
Dude is straight making out
with one of the moms.
558
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:25,758
**
559
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,494
(sighs) It's all
happening so fast.
560
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,829
It was just yesterday
I was bringing my baby home.
561
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:33,165
Now my baby's going to college?
Babies can't go to college.
562
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:34,901
It's gonna be such a big change
for him.
563
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,003
It's exciting.
564
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,572
Look at him back there.
565
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,841
Our little director.
566
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:45,044
Dreaming of
cameras and shots.
567
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,350
Yeah, that's what
he's burying his face in --
568
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,552
a giant pair of cameras.
569
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,390
Hey, Dylan,
your friend's here.
570
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,925
It's time to get
that hideous thing
571
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,760
out of this house,
once and for all.
572
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,829
Please? He only escaped
because he was hungry.
573
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,564
Now I know
snakes need food.
574
00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:06,232
Say goodbye, Dylan.
(sternly) Now.
575
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,200
(sighs)
576
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,201
You were a good snake.
577
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:11,571
But it's for the best.
578
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:14,374
Most of the fun was you
being a secret, anyway.
579
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:15,408
Goodbye.
580
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:20,347
**
581
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:22,815
Hmm.
Fair trade. Deal.
582
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:24,817
See the one
that just left?
583
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:27,754
That's what happens to snakes
who don't stay secret.
39932
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