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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,452 --> 00:00:03,977 "Hot in Cleveland" is recorded 2 00:00:04,053 --> 00:00:06,022 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:08,115 You know, I've never been to a vodka tasting. 4 00:00:08,191 --> 00:00:09,191 Do you sip and spit? 5 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,023 And waste good vodka? 6 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,154 Just swallow. That's my motto. 7 00:00:13,229 --> 00:00:14,527 Don't you dare. 8 00:00:16,032 --> 00:00:20,902 Unlike your boyfriends, Joy, I don't swing at the easy ones. 9 00:00:22,038 --> 00:00:23,734 Mmm. This stuff is great. 10 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,050 When are you shooting your commercial? 11 00:00:25,074 --> 00:00:26,406 Next week. 12 00:00:26,476 --> 00:00:29,708 Victoria Chase for Paleo Vodka. 13 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,647 The vodka the cavemen drank. 14 00:00:32,715 --> 00:00:35,514 Cavemen didn't drink vodka. 15 00:00:35,585 --> 00:00:37,713 Well, you were there. 16 00:00:40,323 --> 00:00:42,918 Elka, the mayor is out there sitting alone. 17 00:00:42,992 --> 00:00:45,484 You invited him over here so you could make nice. 18 00:00:45,561 --> 00:00:47,029 But I hate him. 19 00:00:47,096 --> 00:00:48,325 We'll just end up fighting. 20 00:00:48,398 --> 00:00:49,559 Oh, take this. 21 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:53,000 Nothing solves fights better than alcohol. 22 00:00:53,936 --> 00:00:55,837 This is a little heavy. 23 00:01:01,077 --> 00:01:02,101 Lighter now. 24 00:01:04,414 --> 00:01:06,747 There's no reason we can't be nice to each other 25 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,717 for one night, Mr. Mayor. 26 00:01:08,785 --> 00:01:11,277 No reason at all, Councilwoman. 27 00:01:12,121 --> 00:01:14,090 Your speech today was... 28 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,592 almost interesting. 29 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,685 And your rebuttal... 30 00:01:18,761 --> 00:01:20,491 almost made sense. 31 00:01:22,432 --> 00:01:23,695 Hey, guys. 32 00:01:23,766 --> 00:01:25,758 Owen, I see you've met my boyfriend, Jack. 33 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:27,827 I've never met an Owen I didn't like. 34 00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:31,136 And I've met over two Owens. 35 00:01:31,207 --> 00:01:32,835 How did you get to be so adorable? 36 00:01:32,909 --> 00:01:35,174 Might be because I'm descended from kittens. 37 00:01:36,646 --> 00:01:37,773 Isn't he the cutest? 38 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,816 He's right up there. 39 00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:44,077 I think I'm gonna go talk to my mother. 40 00:01:44,153 --> 00:01:47,248 Hi, honey. So, how's things with you? 41 00:01:47,323 --> 00:01:50,054 Have you asked Debbie out yet? 42 00:01:50,126 --> 00:01:52,721 First of all, Mom, stop saying her name that way. 43 00:01:52,795 --> 00:01:56,323 Like what? I'm just saying Debbie. 44 00:01:56,399 --> 00:01:57,560 Is she pretty? 45 00:01:57,633 --> 00:01:59,659 Yes, she's pretty, but I work with her. 46 00:01:59,736 --> 00:02:00,669 I want to take my time. 47 00:02:00,737 --> 00:02:02,069 You're right. Don't rush. 48 00:02:02,138 --> 00:02:05,870 Maybe tonight you'll meet a girl at this party. 49 00:02:09,645 --> 00:02:11,341 Looking good, Owen. 50 00:02:13,649 --> 00:02:15,641 Fine. I'll ask Debbie out. 51 00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:18,680 Well, it's been an exciting evening, everyone, 52 00:02:18,755 --> 00:02:20,383 but it's getting late. 53 00:02:20,456 --> 00:02:21,856 I do have a long drive home. 54 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:26,586 It's funny because he only lives across the street. 55 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,859 I'll see you in a little bit. 56 00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:31,457 It'll seem like a long bit to me. 57 00:02:31,534 --> 00:02:34,629 Seems like a long bit to all of us. 58 00:02:37,373 --> 00:02:39,103 What a fun evening. 59 00:02:39,175 --> 00:02:40,837 Oh, and don't you just love Jack? 60 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,037 Absolutely. 61 00:02:42,111 --> 00:02:43,306 Adore him. 62 00:02:43,379 --> 00:02:44,540 I know. He's sweet, right? 63 00:02:44,614 --> 00:02:46,048 Crazy sweet. 64 00:02:46,115 --> 00:02:47,879 Sickeningly sweet. 65 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,728 And the two of them together makes my teeth hurt. 66 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,778 Oh. It's like sugar dating syrup. 67 00:02:51,854 --> 00:02:53,186 It makes me want to throw up... 68 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,920 my hands in the air and be so happy for Jack and Melanie. 69 00:02:56,993 --> 00:02:58,894 Aww. Thanks. 70 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,020 Oh. 71 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:03,931 You know, I am so pleased about my Paleo Vodka endorsement. 72 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,266 I was disappointed not to be the UNICEF ambassador, but... 73 00:03:07,336 --> 00:03:11,569 in some ways, vodka ambassador helps far more people. 74 00:03:11,641 --> 00:03:14,338 - Oh, it does. - It so does. 75 00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:15,571 It's gonna be great. 76 00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:17,307 It's gonna be a disaster. 77 00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:18,746 She never reads her contracts. 78 00:03:18,815 --> 00:03:20,735 She just signs them, and the next thing you know, 79 00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:23,810 she's in North Korea singing "Happy Birthday" to Kim Jong... 80 00:03:23,886 --> 00:03:25,787 un, deux, trois, quatre. 81 00:03:25,855 --> 00:03:28,347 Yes, they're all here. 82 00:03:30,426 --> 00:03:31,689 Oh, it's Dwayne. 83 00:03:31,761 --> 00:03:33,787 He's flying in tomorrow to do my hair. 84 00:03:33,863 --> 00:03:35,229 Thinking of going blond. 85 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,733 - Exciting. - Fabulous. 86 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,029 It's never gonna happen. 87 00:03:39,101 --> 00:03:40,160 Who's she kidding? 88 00:03:40,236 --> 00:03:41,513 I mean, for as long as we've known her, 89 00:03:41,537 --> 00:03:44,405 she's had the same hair... she is! 90 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,000 We were just saying how gorgeous you are gonna be blond. 91 00:03:47,076 --> 00:03:48,237 Oh, totally. 92 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,143 Okay, well, I'm off to get ready 93 00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:52,341 for my big romantic evening with Jack. 94 00:03:52,415 --> 00:03:54,475 I'm gonna stay over at his place tonight. 95 00:03:54,550 --> 00:03:56,280 So, as they say in New Zealand... 96 00:03:56,352 --> 00:03:57,285 G'night, ladies. 97 00:03:57,353 --> 00:03:59,288 I'm off to have g'sex. 98 00:03:59,355 --> 00:04:01,517 - G'brilliant. - G'wonderful. 99 00:04:01,591 --> 00:04:03,583 G'snore. 100 00:04:03,659 --> 00:04:05,457 How boring is that sex gonna be? 101 00:04:05,528 --> 00:04:06,962 I know. It's same with same. 102 00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:10,625 It's like yams having sex with sweet potatoes. 103 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:14,330 The last thing you want is two nice people doing it politely. 104 00:04:14,403 --> 00:04:17,567 Vanilla on vanilla is the worst sex of all. 105 00:04:20,977 --> 00:04:23,606 Is that vanilla I smell? 106 00:04:23,679 --> 00:04:26,444 Yes. It's my scented candles. 107 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:27,793 They're called "Vanilla Escape." 108 00:04:27,817 --> 00:04:29,308 Mm. 109 00:04:29,385 --> 00:04:30,785 Not too overpowering, though. 110 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,651 Nothing worse than over-scented candles. 111 00:04:33,956 --> 00:04:36,824 Apart from maybe war and poison spiders. 112 00:04:38,961 --> 00:04:41,795 So, may I kiss you now? 113 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,402 Asking for a kiss... It's like sixth grade. 114 00:04:48,905 --> 00:04:49,838 What next? 115 00:04:49,906 --> 00:04:51,016 "Would it be all right 116 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,736 if I unhook the back of your brassiere?" 117 00:04:55,478 --> 00:04:56,502 Everything all right? 118 00:04:56,579 --> 00:04:58,138 Oh, uh, yeah. Yes. 119 00:04:58,214 --> 00:04:59,807 I-I was thinking 120 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,817 how lovely it would be to have some music. 121 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,785 Great idea. 122 00:05:05,588 --> 00:05:06,999 What are you two doing here? 123 00:05:07,023 --> 00:05:08,821 We're in your head. 124 00:05:09,592 --> 00:05:10,525 Prove it. 125 00:05:10,593 --> 00:05:11,686 Right now you're thinking, 126 00:05:11,761 --> 00:05:13,252 "I knew I was having sex tonight. 127 00:05:13,329 --> 00:05:14,763 Why didn't I shave my legs?" 128 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:17,197 Oh, my God, you are in my head! 129 00:05:18,434 --> 00:05:19,595 Why? 130 00:05:19,669 --> 00:05:22,662 We just popped in to watch you have vanilla sex. 131 00:05:23,873 --> 00:05:25,671 Well, I am gonna kiss him, 132 00:05:25,741 --> 00:05:28,643 and it is gonna be so hot that when I open my eyes, 133 00:05:28,711 --> 00:05:30,009 you two will be gone. 134 00:05:42,058 --> 00:05:43,526 Are you sure you're all right? 135 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:44,856 You seem a little distracted. 136 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,122 No. No, no. 137 00:05:46,195 --> 00:05:47,128 Let's just have that kiss. 138 00:05:47,196 --> 00:05:48,391 Okay. 139 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:52,601 Wow. 140 00:05:54,503 --> 00:05:56,233 - Still here. - Still here. 141 00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:04,239 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 142 00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:07,545 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 143 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:08,550 ♪ Hey! ♪ 144 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,450 You guys ruined sex for me. 145 00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:11,885 What are you talking about? 146 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,365 Jack and I didn't have sex last night 147 00:06:13,389 --> 00:06:14,948 because the two of you were in my head. 148 00:06:15,024 --> 00:06:16,492 Why were we in your head? 149 00:06:16,559 --> 00:06:18,494 Because I overheard you talking 150 00:06:18,561 --> 00:06:21,395 about how vanilla our sex was gonna be. 151 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,262 I would never talk about the two of you 152 00:06:23,332 --> 00:06:24,857 behind your back like that. 153 00:06:24,934 --> 00:06:26,926 Unlike the two of you, I'm a good friend. 154 00:06:27,003 --> 00:06:27,936 Really? 155 00:06:28,004 --> 00:06:30,496 Are you the good friend who said Victoria will screw things up 156 00:06:30,573 --> 00:06:31,750 because she never reads contracts? 157 00:06:31,774 --> 00:06:33,106 What? Melanie! 158 00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,508 Well, you said Joy never changes her hair. 159 00:06:35,578 --> 00:06:37,274 - Victoria! - Oh, please. 160 00:06:37,346 --> 00:06:40,077 Melanie will have interesting sex before you go blond. 161 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:42,175 Victoria! 162 00:06:43,619 --> 00:06:44,917 So... 163 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,650 I slept with the mayor. 164 00:06:49,025 --> 00:06:50,891 You said you invited him over last night 165 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,087 to find common ground. 166 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:54,096 We found common ground... 167 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,495 In bed. 168 00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,234 But you disagree on every issue. 169 00:06:59,301 --> 00:07:01,293 That's what makes it hot. 170 00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:03,168 You are a councilwoman. 171 00:07:03,239 --> 00:07:04,571 You cannot sleep with the mayor. 172 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,439 Olivia Pope sleeps with the President. 173 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:10,275 On "Scandal," which is a TV show. 174 00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:11,939 Used to be. 175 00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,074 Now it's real. 176 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,415 What if this gets out? 177 00:07:17,486 --> 00:07:19,955 Your supporters like that you actually oppose the mayor. 178 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:22,651 And when there were rumors about him and the treasurer, 179 00:07:22,725 --> 00:07:24,023 you told The Plain Dealer, 180 00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:25,925 "Anyone dumb enough to sleep with the mayor 181 00:07:25,995 --> 00:07:28,396 doesn't deserve to be in public office." 182 00:07:28,464 --> 00:07:31,832 I could see where that could come back to bite me. 183 00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:34,333 So you'll break it off? 184 00:07:34,403 --> 00:07:36,065 Fine. 185 00:07:36,138 --> 00:07:39,836 I'm gonna have to delete some stuff from the cloud. 186 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:47,274 Victoria, we are so excited here at Paleo Vodka 187 00:07:47,349 --> 00:07:49,477 to have you as our spokesperson. 188 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,629 Let's sign these contracts. 189 00:07:50,653 --> 00:07:51,985 Glad to, but first, 190 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:53,989 I've had issues with contracts before, 191 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:57,686 so I must read this very carefully. 192 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,190 Mm. 193 00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:02,822 Mm-hmm. 194 00:08:02,898 --> 00:08:04,161 You're not really reading. 195 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:07,533 You're just furrowing your brow and making "mm-hmm" noises. 196 00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:09,299 Hey! 197 00:08:09,371 --> 00:08:10,498 Is there a problem? 198 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:11,871 No. 199 00:08:11,941 --> 00:08:15,173 I've read all the words, and it appears to be in order. 200 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:16,244 Pen, please. 201 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:20,606 Great. 202 00:08:20,683 --> 00:08:22,174 And good luck with survival night. 203 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,482 The what... what, now? 204 00:08:24,553 --> 00:08:25,680 Survival night. 205 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,189 You spend 24 hours in a cave 206 00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:29,919 surviving the elements, caveman-style. 207 00:08:29,992 --> 00:08:31,002 It was all in the contract. 208 00:08:31,026 --> 00:08:32,688 Of course it was. 209 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,933 - Mm. - Mm-hmm. 210 00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:43,768 We're reading all the words. 211 00:08:45,908 --> 00:08:47,809 So... same old, same old? 212 00:08:47,877 --> 00:08:50,938 Actually, I was thinking... 213 00:08:51,013 --> 00:08:53,448 No. Just the usual, please. 214 00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:54,643 Okay. 215 00:08:54,717 --> 00:08:56,549 "I'm Joy Scroggs, I am, 216 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,918 and I never change me look." 217 00:08:58,988 --> 00:09:00,422 "I like things 218 00:09:00,489 --> 00:09:03,982 the way they are, guv'na." 219 00:09:04,059 --> 00:09:06,654 I sound nothing like that. 220 00:09:06,729 --> 00:09:09,198 Dwayne, I want to go blond. 221 00:09:09,265 --> 00:09:11,325 Not just blond. Platinum. 222 00:09:13,669 --> 00:09:16,264 I'll get the bleach. 223 00:09:21,977 --> 00:09:24,242 Hello, stranger. 224 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,882 I know. It's a bit different. 225 00:09:30,953 --> 00:09:32,197 The stylist thought it would be better 226 00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:34,213 if my eyebrows and eyelashes matched, but I... 227 00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:36,987 No, no, no, no, no. You got to get out of here. 228 00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:39,028 You look like an albino, and Debbie's coming. 229 00:09:39,094 --> 00:09:41,120 So? What does Debbie have to do with this? 230 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:43,924 That. 231 00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:49,835 Why didn't you tell me she was an albino? 232 00:09:49,905 --> 00:09:52,932 Because I didn't know you were going to be an albino. 233 00:09:54,143 --> 00:09:56,442 Besides, it sounded racist. 234 00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,447 - Is it a race? - Shh. 235 00:10:00,282 --> 00:10:01,978 Hey, Owen. 236 00:10:02,051 --> 00:10:04,452 Debbie this is my mom, Joy. 237 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,520 Hi. 238 00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,682 Don't worry. This was a mistake. 239 00:10:07,756 --> 00:10:08,951 Be back to normal soon. 240 00:10:09,024 --> 00:10:10,024 Not "normal." 241 00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:11,390 You look normal... 242 00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:13,224 if normal is incredibly beautiful. 243 00:10:13,295 --> 00:10:15,196 Gosh, I'd go out with you if... 244 00:10:15,264 --> 00:10:17,464 If you weren't dating my son and I was gay and you were. 245 00:10:17,499 --> 00:10:18,739 Why doesn't somebody else talk? 246 00:10:21,437 --> 00:10:24,236 You know, I'm getting kind of a weird vibe here, Owen. 247 00:10:24,306 --> 00:10:27,140 I'll see you back at work. 248 00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:36,241 So... 249 00:10:36,318 --> 00:10:39,311 anyone else at the office you like? 250 00:10:45,761 --> 00:10:48,925 Elka, are you breaking up with me? 251 00:10:48,997 --> 00:10:52,331 Don't act like it was more than it was. 252 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:56,805 We were just enemies with benefits. 253 00:10:57,339 --> 00:10:59,535 You're right. 254 00:10:59,608 --> 00:11:02,168 It's best for both of our careers. 255 00:11:02,711 --> 00:11:04,612 No more... 256 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:08,081 sexy texts during council meetings. 257 00:11:08,617 --> 00:11:10,848 No more letting our hands 258 00:11:10,919 --> 00:11:14,253 linger on the shovel at ground-breakings. 259 00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:16,915 Go now. 260 00:11:16,992 --> 00:11:18,927 Don't look back. 261 00:11:37,979 --> 00:11:39,379 Wow. You really did it. 262 00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:42,907 Yes, but only because you and Victoria were in my head. 263 00:11:42,984 --> 00:11:45,613 And then I saw Owen, and he was on a date with Debbie. 264 00:11:45,687 --> 00:11:47,246 - Yay! - No, Melanie. 265 00:11:47,322 --> 00:11:48,517 Not "yay." 266 00:11:48,590 --> 00:11:50,024 Debbie's an albino. 267 00:11:50,091 --> 00:11:53,152 Oh, my God, and you look like an albino. 268 00:11:53,228 --> 00:11:54,161 Did she notice? 269 00:11:54,229 --> 00:11:56,460 Yeah, she did. 270 00:11:57,566 --> 00:11:59,091 Oh, my God. 271 00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:00,635 I know. My hair. 272 00:12:00,702 --> 00:12:03,331 Joy, this is not about you and how terrible you look. 273 00:12:04,673 --> 00:12:06,266 I have to sleep in a cave 274 00:12:06,341 --> 00:12:08,776 because you two said that I didn't read contracts. 275 00:12:08,844 --> 00:12:11,814 Oh, how the hell am I gonna survive in the wild? 276 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,873 I can barely make it through a night at the Radisson. 277 00:12:14,950 --> 00:12:17,545 See, this is the problem with women living together. 278 00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:18,780 We're in each other's heads. 279 00:12:18,854 --> 00:12:20,447 Our mind cycles are synced. 280 00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:22,787 You're right. We have PMS. 281 00:12:22,858 --> 00:12:24,793 Persistent mental... 282 00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:25,860 something. 283 00:12:26,928 --> 00:12:27,952 What do we do? 284 00:12:28,029 --> 00:12:30,089 What women have done for centuries... 285 00:12:30,165 --> 00:12:33,067 Drink, eat chocolate, and try to stay away from each other. 286 00:12:33,134 --> 00:12:36,195 And stay away from me while you're at it. 287 00:12:38,073 --> 00:12:40,304 Wait. Whose head is she in? 288 00:12:45,747 --> 00:12:49,912 Hi, I'm Bear Thomas, and this dark, damp, remote cave 289 00:12:49,985 --> 00:12:52,716 is gonna be Victoria Chase's bedroom for the night. 290 00:12:52,787 --> 00:12:55,018 All that stands between her and the elements 291 00:12:55,090 --> 00:12:58,492 is a sleeping bag and a bottle of Paleo Vodka. 292 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,392 - I'm gonna leave her now. - What?! 293 00:13:00,462 --> 00:13:02,158 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 294 00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:05,792 You have to protect me against all this nature. 295 00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:07,078 The whole point of the promotion 296 00:13:07,102 --> 00:13:09,571 is you here against the elements. 297 00:13:10,105 --> 00:13:13,269 The good news is, all the bugs in this cave are edible. 298 00:13:13,341 --> 00:13:14,581 Oh, and the bats won't come out 299 00:13:14,643 --> 00:13:16,805 unless you make a sudden movement or scream in fear. 300 00:13:16,878 --> 00:13:18,972 See you tomorrow. 301 00:13:29,674 --> 00:13:32,872 Oh. I'm so alone. 302 00:13:32,944 --> 00:13:35,277 The only voice in my head is my own, 303 00:13:35,346 --> 00:13:38,680 saying, "Why didn't you read your contract?" 304 00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:43,014 Oh, I wish Melanie was in my head. 305 00:13:43,087 --> 00:13:44,578 She'd know what to do. 306 00:13:44,655 --> 00:13:47,352 Hey, how come you didn't want me in your head? 307 00:13:47,425 --> 00:13:48,635 Because I'm better in a crisis. 308 00:13:48,659 --> 00:13:50,037 If you can't drink it or sleep with it, 309 00:13:50,061 --> 00:13:51,620 you don't know what to do. 310 00:13:51,696 --> 00:13:53,164 Good one, Victoria. 311 00:13:53,231 --> 00:13:54,255 That was my line. 312 00:13:54,332 --> 00:13:56,892 No, but I'm the one imagining you saying it. 313 00:13:56,968 --> 00:13:58,766 Now... help me. 314 00:13:58,836 --> 00:14:00,304 How am I gonna get through the night? 315 00:14:00,371 --> 00:14:02,306 You're an actress. 316 00:14:02,373 --> 00:14:04,535 An Academy-Award-winning actress. 317 00:14:04,609 --> 00:14:07,670 Oh, I never get tired of thinking it. 318 00:14:07,745 --> 00:14:10,010 Just act like you're not in a cave. 319 00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:13,449 You're in the cave room of an exclusive outdoor spa. 320 00:14:13,517 --> 00:14:15,957 Gwyneth tried to book it but was told you were more important. 321 00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:17,264 There's nobody here to impress, 322 00:14:17,288 --> 00:14:19,018 so you don't have to pretend to read a book. 323 00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:21,525 And instead of cucumber water, you have... 324 00:14:21,592 --> 00:14:23,584 Vodka. 325 00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:27,556 Oh, I like the way I'm thinking. 326 00:14:31,402 --> 00:14:33,667 I am so sorry about the other night. 327 00:14:33,738 --> 00:14:34,933 That's okay. 328 00:14:35,006 --> 00:14:37,942 Believe it or not, I have not had sex with women before. 329 00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:41,321 Do you want to come around again tonight 330 00:14:41,345 --> 00:14:43,246 for a nice evening in? 331 00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:46,613 Or... 332 00:14:46,684 --> 00:14:49,051 we could be naughty and do it right now in the bathroom. 333 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,418 The bath... 334 00:14:50,488 --> 00:14:51,581 The bathroom? 335 00:14:54,659 --> 00:14:56,059 I've never done it in public before. 336 00:14:57,128 --> 00:14:59,359 Back in New Zealand, I had a sensual encounter 337 00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:01,365 at a bus stop once. 338 00:15:01,899 --> 00:15:04,300 But it was interrupted by sheep. 339 00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:07,361 Meet me in the handicap bathroom. 340 00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:08,906 Five minutes. 341 00:15:08,973 --> 00:15:10,134 Sounds naughty. 342 00:15:10,207 --> 00:15:11,436 Oh, super-naughty. 343 00:15:11,509 --> 00:15:14,411 Because if we get caught in the handicap bathroom, 344 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:15,639 we have to pay a fine. 345 00:15:28,392 --> 00:15:30,623 Oh! Oh! 346 00:15:31,729 --> 00:15:33,630 Oh, how do you make a bathroom sexy? 347 00:15:33,698 --> 00:15:34,859 I wish Joy were here. 348 00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:37,458 Why did you think of me first? 349 00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:39,766 Exactly. I've had sex in bathrooms. 350 00:15:39,837 --> 00:15:41,430 Yeah, but admit it... 351 00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:43,906 You think of Joy first. 352 00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:46,170 What are you doing here? 353 00:15:46,243 --> 00:15:48,712 I just came by to say that. 354 00:15:52,350 --> 00:15:53,750 Okay, you guys, what do I do? 355 00:15:53,818 --> 00:15:55,658 Well, first of all, you have to be drunk enough 356 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,121 to forget you're in a public bathroom. 357 00:15:58,189 --> 00:16:00,784 I'm not drunk. It's lunchtime. 358 00:16:00,858 --> 00:16:02,793 Oh, Melanie, this isn't you. 359 00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:05,489 And not being yourself is the worst sex of all. 360 00:16:05,563 --> 00:16:07,862 I thought you said nice sex was the worst sex of all. 361 00:16:07,932 --> 00:16:09,423 What do we know? We're not nice. 362 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,765 We've never had nice sex. 363 00:16:11,836 --> 00:16:12,836 Maybe it's good. 364 00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:14,462 It is good. 365 00:16:17,341 --> 00:16:18,969 Ooh, roomy, isn't it? 366 00:16:19,043 --> 00:16:21,979 Lots of space for sex. 367 00:16:22,913 --> 00:16:25,144 And, of course, bacteria. 368 00:16:25,216 --> 00:16:27,185 Jack, I'm sorry. This isn't me. 369 00:16:27,251 --> 00:16:29,777 And I'm... I'm sensing this isn't you either. 370 00:16:29,854 --> 00:16:31,220 - Mm. - And not being yourself 371 00:16:31,288 --> 00:16:32,881 is the worst sex of all. 372 00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:35,688 Well, actually, not having sex is the worst sex of all. 373 00:16:37,061 --> 00:16:38,962 - Shall we go back to my place? - Yes, please. 374 00:16:39,029 --> 00:16:40,374 And if you still want to spice things up, 375 00:16:40,398 --> 00:16:43,368 I do have a scented candle called "Moroccan Sundays," 376 00:16:43,434 --> 00:16:46,336 which would be rather naughty to light, as today's Tuesday. 377 00:16:48,105 --> 00:16:49,573 Hi, Debbie. 378 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,040 I need to talk to you. 379 00:16:51,108 --> 00:16:53,202 Oh, my God. How did you know I was here? 380 00:16:53,277 --> 00:16:55,246 I've been following you all day... 381 00:16:55,312 --> 00:16:57,440 but not in a creepy way. 382 00:16:58,048 --> 00:17:00,040 How is that not creepy? 383 00:17:00,117 --> 00:17:03,315 Because my son needs a companion Saturday nights, 384 00:17:03,387 --> 00:17:05,379 and it can't be me anymore. 385 00:17:06,223 --> 00:17:07,088 Look... 386 00:17:07,158 --> 00:17:08,592 I've texted Owen. 387 00:17:08,659 --> 00:17:09,957 He's on his way here. 388 00:17:10,027 --> 00:17:12,496 And I was hoping to smooth things over with you 389 00:17:12,563 --> 00:17:13,895 so you'd give him another chance. 390 00:17:13,964 --> 00:17:15,660 No, you are crazy. 391 00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:17,759 Leave me alone, or I'm calling the police. 392 00:17:18,769 --> 00:17:21,568 You don't have to do that. I'm leaving. 393 00:17:25,709 --> 00:17:27,075 You can't give up like that. 394 00:17:27,144 --> 00:17:28,373 Have some confidence. 395 00:17:28,446 --> 00:17:31,678 Now get back in there, and do what I do with my kids. 396 00:17:31,749 --> 00:17:34,446 When we've hurt each other, we start all over again 397 00:17:34,518 --> 00:17:36,146 and do it the way we wish we'd done it. 398 00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:38,416 We call it a do-over. This one time with Jenna... 399 00:17:38,489 --> 00:17:40,267 You do realize that you can make her stop talking 400 00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:41,919 at any time. 401 00:17:47,398 --> 00:17:49,833 Hello. I'm Joy Scroggs. 402 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,335 What are you doing? 403 00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:54,895 I'd like to try a do-over. 404 00:17:54,972 --> 00:17:58,409 I'm sorry for the way things started with us. 405 00:17:58,476 --> 00:18:01,036 My son really likes you. 406 00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:04,673 He says every other woman pales in comparison to y... 407 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:08,242 Not "pales." 408 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,617 Look, Owen is a great guy, 409 00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:14,682 and you should give him another chance. 410 00:18:14,758 --> 00:18:16,693 Mom, what's going on? 411 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:19,491 Debbie, I am so sorry. This woman is crazy. 412 00:18:20,531 --> 00:18:22,056 Oh, she is crazy, 413 00:18:22,132 --> 00:18:25,159 but she also said that I should give you a second chance. 414 00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:27,330 And besides, a nice guy like you 415 00:18:27,404 --> 00:18:29,649 shouldn't be spending all of his Saturday nights with his mother. 416 00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:30,673 Wha... 417 00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:33,209 You told her that? 418 00:18:35,246 --> 00:18:36,874 Would you like to join me for a drink? 419 00:18:37,882 --> 00:18:38,882 I would. 420 00:18:42,653 --> 00:18:45,145 Oh, this is so cute. 421 00:18:45,222 --> 00:18:46,155 Mom. 422 00:18:46,223 --> 00:18:48,886 Going. Totally going. 423 00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:52,889 But so cute. 424 00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,033 You know, Joy, 425 00:18:59,102 --> 00:19:00,968 I'm really starting to get used to the hair. 426 00:19:01,037 --> 00:19:02,061 I'm loving it. 427 00:19:02,138 --> 00:19:03,338 I'm changing it back tomorrow. 428 00:19:03,373 --> 00:19:05,672 - Oh, thank God. - It's hideous. 429 00:19:06,609 --> 00:19:10,512 Grow your mustache out, you'll look like Mark Twain. 430 00:19:13,883 --> 00:19:15,146 So... 431 00:19:15,218 --> 00:19:16,652 how'd things go with Jack? 432 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,781 Well, my friends, there is a reason that vanilla 433 00:19:19,856 --> 00:19:22,451 is the most popular flavor of ice cream in the world. 434 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,388 How many scoops? 435 00:19:26,496 --> 00:19:27,862 Elka! 436 00:19:31,334 --> 00:19:32,334 Oh. 437 00:19:39,576 --> 00:19:41,067 - Oh. - Hello. 438 00:19:41,678 --> 00:19:43,670 I have some urgent city business 439 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,182 to discuss with the councilwoman. 440 00:19:50,553 --> 00:19:53,546 So, what's the urgent city business? 441 00:19:55,425 --> 00:19:56,425 I miss you. 442 00:19:56,493 --> 00:19:59,827 I miss you, too. 443 00:19:59,896 --> 00:20:02,730 Just doing our jobs, serving the people? 444 00:20:02,799 --> 00:20:04,768 That's boring. 445 00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:08,532 It's "Scandal" without the sex. 446 00:20:08,605 --> 00:20:09,868 Who's watching that? 447 00:20:09,939 --> 00:20:11,840 I'm not. 448 00:20:12,742 --> 00:20:14,108 Can we get back together? 449 00:20:14,177 --> 00:20:15,304 Don't do it, Elka. 450 00:20:15,378 --> 00:20:16,869 Think of your career. 451 00:20:16,946 --> 00:20:19,381 It'll end in tears. 452 00:20:19,449 --> 00:20:20,576 What do you think? 453 00:20:22,519 --> 00:20:23,452 Go for it. 454 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,682 Those women are idiots. 455 00:20:25,755 --> 00:20:27,383 I don't like Joy. 456 00:20:27,457 --> 00:20:29,585 None of us do. 457 00:20:32,262 --> 00:20:34,561 Let's do it... for Cleveland. 458 00:20:36,833 --> 00:20:37,833 ♪ Hey! ♪ 459 00:20:41,504 --> 00:20:43,837 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 460 00:20:43,907 --> 00:20:46,399 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 461 00:20:46,476 --> 00:20:51,039 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 462 00:20:51,114 --> 00:20:53,447 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 463 00:20:53,516 --> 00:20:55,815 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 464 00:20:55,885 --> 00:21:00,414 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 465 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,353 ♪ Hey! ♪ 32202