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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,594 --> 00:00:11,149 [gentle music] 2 00:00:26,854 --> 00:00:30,202 [Al] Life is like a parody of your favorite song. 3 00:00:30,340 --> 00:00:32,929 Just when you think you know all the words, 4 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:37,347 surprise, you don't know anything. 5 00:00:37,485 --> 00:00:38,659 [siren blaring] 6 00:00:38,797 --> 00:00:42,456 [shouting] 7 00:00:42,594 --> 00:00:44,527 [doctor] Clear the way, clear the way! 8 00:00:44,665 --> 00:00:45,804 [nurse] Clear! 9 00:00:45,942 --> 00:00:47,323 [nurse 2] Shut that door, please! 10 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,912 [electric shock jolting] 11 00:00:53,639 --> 00:00:54,606 [doctor] Clear! 12 00:00:54,744 --> 00:00:57,126 [monitor flatlining] 13 00:00:58,023 --> 00:01:00,405 Dammit. Dammit! 14 00:01:03,822 --> 00:01:05,479 All right, nurse, let's call it. 15 00:01:06,997 --> 00:01:09,310 Time of death: 7:30-- 16 00:01:09,448 --> 00:01:11,416 [screaming] 17 00:01:11,554 --> 00:01:14,177 [panting] Quick! 18 00:01:14,315 --> 00:01:16,593 I need some paper, and a number two pencil. 19 00:01:16,731 --> 00:01:19,838 [Al] But... maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. 20 00:01:19,976 --> 00:01:22,979 [video rewinding] 21 00:01:24,774 --> 00:01:27,673 Why don't we start back at the beginning. 22 00:01:27,811 --> 00:01:29,744 [radio static crackling] 23 00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,989 [radio announcer] All gabardine suits are now 30% off. 24 00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,680 [radio static crackling] 25 00:01:34,818 --> 00:01:36,751 [sports commentator] Jenkins in to the windup, 26 00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,926 and the three-two fastball is in the-- 27 00:01:39,064 --> 00:01:40,583 [radio static crackling] 28 00:01:40,721 --> 00:01:42,516 [reporter] President Nixon is on board Air-- 29 00:01:42,654 --> 00:01:44,242 [radio static crackling] 30 00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:48,901 [whimsical music] ♪ Dr. Demento, Dr. Demento ♪ 31 00:01:49,039 --> 00:01:53,665 [Dr. Demento] Whoo-whoo-whoo, wind up your radio! 32 00:01:53,803 --> 00:01:57,186 It's time for The Dr. Demento Show, 33 00:01:57,324 --> 00:02:02,708 two hours of mad music and crazy comedy 34 00:02:02,846 --> 00:02:05,573 - from out of the archives... - [Mary] Alfy! 35 00:02:05,711 --> 00:02:08,128 What have we told you about listening to that garbage? 36 00:02:08,266 --> 00:02:10,199 But Mom, it's Dr. Demento. 37 00:02:10,337 --> 00:02:12,028 It's my favorite show in the whole world. 38 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,754 It's going to rot your brain. 39 00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:15,583 You're lucky your father wasn't here to catch you, mister. 40 00:02:15,721 --> 00:02:17,999 You know how he feels about that kind of music. 41 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,140 Yes, I know. 42 00:02:23,453 --> 00:02:27,077 All right. Now go on, go get washed up. 43 00:02:27,216 --> 00:02:29,356 Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. 44 00:02:30,702 --> 00:02:32,462 [soft music] 45 00:02:35,051 --> 00:02:37,157 [humming] 46 00:02:48,513 --> 00:02:49,721 [sighs] 47 00:03:10,535 --> 00:03:13,400 Alfy, aren't you going to ask your father how his day was? 48 00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:16,506 Um, how was your day, Dad? 49 00:03:18,888 --> 00:03:21,615 What, how was my day? 50 00:03:21,753 --> 00:03:24,031 We had another fatality down at the factory. 51 00:03:24,169 --> 00:03:25,895 Oh, God, real grisly one this time. 52 00:03:26,033 --> 00:03:28,587 It was that McKinley kid that started last week. 53 00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:30,589 I kept telling him to stop messing around 54 00:03:30,727 --> 00:03:34,524 by that industrial shredder, but he just wouldn't listen. 55 00:03:34,662 --> 00:03:36,457 I would've reached out and grabbed him, 56 00:03:36,595 --> 00:03:40,392 but I already lost one hand to that cursed machine. 57 00:03:42,463 --> 00:03:45,190 Well, anyway, there's an opening down on the factory floor. 58 00:03:45,328 --> 00:03:46,881 Maybe I could pull a few strings 59 00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,918 and you could spend the summer working with your old man. 60 00:03:49,056 --> 00:03:50,609 How's that sound? 61 00:03:50,747 --> 00:03:52,680 Um, no thank you. 62 00:03:52,818 --> 00:03:54,199 "No, thank you." 63 00:03:54,337 --> 00:03:55,925 Well, you're gonna have to learn sooner or later, 64 00:03:56,063 --> 00:03:59,618 that factory, that factory will make a man outta you. 65 00:03:59,756 --> 00:04:01,793 But I don't wanna work at the factory. 66 00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:03,346 I wanna make songs. 67 00:04:03,484 --> 00:04:08,593 What? You wanna make songs? Did you hear that, Mary? 68 00:04:08,731 --> 00:04:11,492 We got a regular Bing Crosby on our hands, don't we? 69 00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:13,218 Nick, you're embarrassing him. 70 00:04:13,356 --> 00:04:16,532 Oh, am I? Why don't you sing us a little ditty, Bing, huh? 71 00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:19,500 Such a little songbird. Sing one for us. 72 00:04:24,402 --> 00:04:28,268 ♪ Amazing grapes ♪ 73 00:04:28,406 --> 00:04:31,650 ♪ How sweet the juice ♪ 74 00:04:31,788 --> 00:04:36,276 ♪ It tastes so good to me... ♪ 75 00:04:36,414 --> 00:04:39,555 Stop, stop! What in God's name are you doing? 76 00:04:39,693 --> 00:04:41,419 Those aren't the right words. 77 00:04:41,557 --> 00:04:44,214 I know. I made 'em better. 78 00:04:44,353 --> 00:04:47,356 By changing the lyrics to a well-known song? 79 00:04:47,494 --> 00:04:50,531 No, boy, what you're doing is confusing and evil. 80 00:04:50,669 --> 00:04:52,222 My God, and I will not have 81 00:04:52,361 --> 00:04:54,777 that kind of blasphemy in my own home. 82 00:04:54,915 --> 00:04:56,261 But Dad... 83 00:04:56,399 --> 00:04:58,505 What has gotten into you, Alfred? 84 00:04:58,643 --> 00:05:01,093 Hmm? With the songs and the crazy magazines? 85 00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:04,131 That is all gonna stop now, young man! 86 00:05:04,269 --> 00:05:05,822 Honey, I know it's hard to hear this, 87 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,585 but your dad and I had a long talk 88 00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:12,760 and we agreed it would be best for all of us 89 00:05:12,898 --> 00:05:15,522 if you would just stop being who you are 90 00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:17,593 and doing the things you love. 91 00:05:19,008 --> 00:05:21,182 You don't understand me! 92 00:05:22,874 --> 00:05:24,220 [door slams] 93 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,915 [Al] It was a few weeks later 94 00:05:30,053 --> 00:05:32,228 when a mysterious stranger showed up at my door 95 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:36,232 and changed my life forever. 96 00:05:36,957 --> 00:05:38,130 [doorbell rings] 97 00:05:38,268 --> 00:05:40,201 [Nick] Alfy, get the door. 98 00:05:42,307 --> 00:05:43,722 Why, good afternoon, sir. 99 00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:45,379 The gentleman of the house, I take it? 100 00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:47,968 Well, congratulations. Today is your lucky day. 101 00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:51,558 How would you like to be the envy of all of your friends 102 00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:53,525 and the most popular fellow in town? 103 00:05:53,663 --> 00:05:56,114 Well, everything you need to make that happen... 104 00:05:56,252 --> 00:05:58,392 is right here in this box. 105 00:06:01,533 --> 00:06:04,640 Um, my dad is actually... 106 00:06:04,778 --> 00:06:07,401 - Voila. - [epic music] 107 00:06:07,539 --> 00:06:09,299 Feast your eyes. 108 00:06:10,784 --> 00:06:16,790 Have you ever seen such a gorgeous instrument? 109 00:06:19,448 --> 00:06:22,451 Better yet, try it on. 110 00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:27,628 Son, when you play the accordion, 111 00:06:27,766 --> 00:06:29,665 you are a one-man band. 112 00:06:29,803 --> 00:06:33,254 You are the life of every party. 113 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,223 Go ahead, son, tickle those ivories. 114 00:06:36,361 --> 00:06:40,400 [horrible accordion noise] 115 00:06:42,229 --> 00:06:43,817 A natural talent. 116 00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,407 Son, you cannot squander that. 117 00:06:47,545 --> 00:06:50,030 You have got to buy this beauty, and I guarantee it, 118 00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:52,619 you are gonna have girls lined up around the corner. 119 00:06:52,757 --> 00:06:54,172 You're gonna need a lifeguard 120 00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:56,933 because you're gonna be drowning in so much p-- 121 00:06:57,071 --> 00:06:59,488 Hey! What's going on? 122 00:06:59,626 --> 00:07:01,628 And hello to you, sir. 123 00:07:01,766 --> 00:07:03,664 What are you doing in my house? 124 00:07:03,802 --> 00:07:05,632 And why is my innocent young child 125 00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:07,461 wearing that devil's squeeze box? 126 00:07:07,599 --> 00:07:08,635 That's actually our newest-- 127 00:07:08,773 --> 00:07:10,395 I thought I told you to shut up! 128 00:07:10,533 --> 00:07:12,708 [glass breaking] 129 00:07:12,846 --> 00:07:14,813 I don't remember you telling me to shut up before, 130 00:07:14,951 --> 00:07:17,126 but if you're telling me now, I will gladly-- 131 00:07:17,264 --> 00:07:18,990 [grunting] 132 00:07:19,128 --> 00:07:21,855 [groaning] 133 00:07:21,993 --> 00:07:23,304 Dad! 134 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,342 - [chair breaking] - Ah! 135 00:07:27,999 --> 00:07:30,104 [punches landing] 136 00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,417 Dad, stop! You're killing him! 137 00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:34,626 Nick? Oh Nick, oh Nick! 138 00:07:34,764 --> 00:07:38,112 No, Nick! Hey! Nicky, stop it right now! 139 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,942 You made me do this, boy. 140 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,944 You brought this evil into the house. 141 00:07:42,082 --> 00:07:42,876 And now look at you. 142 00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:44,464 Look at you. 143 00:07:44,602 --> 00:07:48,847 Take that devilish monstrosity off this very instant. 144 00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:51,056 I don't wanna see you ever wearing it again! 145 00:07:51,194 --> 00:07:53,645 Nick, why don't you go take a little walk? 146 00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:55,613 I think you'd better cool off. 147 00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:58,270 - Yeah. Yeah. - [gurgling] 148 00:07:58,408 --> 00:08:02,551 I could use some fresh air because it stinks in here. 149 00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:06,555 [groaning] 150 00:08:12,112 --> 00:08:15,391 I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. 151 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:20,051 I'll be right here. [coughs, sputters] 152 00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:23,744 Mister, I'm so sorry about this. 153 00:08:23,882 --> 00:08:26,609 My husband, he just has a little bit of a temper, 154 00:08:26,747 --> 00:08:28,818 but he is a good man and he means well, 155 00:08:28,956 --> 00:08:32,512 but anyway, if you're amenable to it, 156 00:08:32,650 --> 00:08:35,342 we'd like to buy that accordion. 157 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,171 Mom! You mean it? 158 00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:39,588 How do you feel about an early Christmas present? 159 00:08:39,726 --> 00:08:42,349 Yes! This is the best thing ever! 160 00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:44,489 Thank you so much! 161 00:08:45,904 --> 00:08:47,527 There's just one thing. 162 00:08:51,185 --> 00:08:56,674 No one can see you playing it, especially your father. 163 00:08:56,812 --> 00:09:00,091 This is our secret. Do you understand me? 164 00:09:02,403 --> 00:09:07,408 Mom... does Dad hate me? 165 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,585 No, of course not, sweetie. 166 00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:15,071 Then why is he always so hard on me? 167 00:09:16,797 --> 00:09:19,075 Listen, you're too young to understand now, 168 00:09:19,213 --> 00:09:23,217 but just trust me, your father has his reasons. 169 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:27,152 [sputtering] I think I have a collapsed lung. 170 00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:31,743 We're trying to have a conversation here, sir. 171 00:09:31,881 --> 00:09:34,297 [Al] For the next few years, I kept to myself 172 00:09:34,435 --> 00:09:36,817 and tried my best to please Mom and Dad, 173 00:09:36,955 --> 00:09:40,821 but deep down, I felt like I was living a lie. 174 00:09:40,959 --> 00:09:43,790 Sure. I was well-behaved, I got good grades, 175 00:09:43,928 --> 00:09:47,932 but I never let anyone know the real me. 176 00:09:48,070 --> 00:09:51,970 Hey, Yankovic, you going to that party at Hofstadter's tonight? 177 00:09:52,108 --> 00:09:55,560 - His parents are out of town. - Ah, geez, guys, I don't know. 178 00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:57,666 I'm not really allowed to go to parties. 179 00:09:57,804 --> 00:09:59,426 You don't need to have your parents' permission. 180 00:09:59,564 --> 00:10:00,530 Just sneak out. 181 00:10:00,669 --> 00:10:02,256 I-I don't think I can. 182 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,534 My mom always tucks me in, in case I have night terrors. 183 00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:06,226 [scoffs] You have night terrors? 184 00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:08,366 No, I--You know, just in case. 185 00:10:08,504 --> 00:10:11,300 Well, just use a hay boy, then. 186 00:10:11,438 --> 00:10:13,716 A hay boy? What's that? 187 00:10:13,854 --> 00:10:15,131 You don't know what a hay boy is? 188 00:10:15,269 --> 00:10:16,512 [scoffs] 189 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,341 Oh, dude, you've got a lot to learn. 190 00:10:18,479 --> 00:10:22,138 Just let us handle everything. We'll pick you up tonight. 191 00:10:24,037 --> 00:10:25,107 Okay, yeah. 192 00:10:27,730 --> 00:10:29,111 [Mary] Night-night, Alfy. 193 00:10:29,249 --> 00:10:31,976 Don't let the bed bugs give you night terrors. 194 00:10:37,291 --> 00:10:39,811 [polka music] 195 00:10:41,606 --> 00:10:43,712 [indistinct party chatter] 196 00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:52,272 I mean, Myron Floren is great and all, 197 00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:53,583 Lawrence Welk sure likes him, 198 00:10:53,722 --> 00:10:56,552 but he's way too overexposed. 199 00:10:56,690 --> 00:11:00,176 For my money, it's Whoopee John Wilfahrt 200 00:11:00,314 --> 00:11:03,007 that really gets me just hoppin' and steppin'. 201 00:11:03,145 --> 00:11:06,010 I'm all about that Minnesota sound, man. 202 00:11:06,148 --> 00:11:09,082 - [gasps] Look what I found! - Hey, hey! 203 00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:11,429 Hey, you didn't tell me that this was gonna be a polka party. 204 00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:14,432 - What, do you not like polka? - No, I like it, it's-- 205 00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:17,607 My parents would kill me if they knew I was here, okay? 206 00:11:17,746 --> 00:11:19,126 I'm so, so sorry, guys. 207 00:11:19,264 --> 00:11:20,783 I-I-I gotta go. I can't--I can't be here, man. 208 00:11:20,921 --> 00:11:22,854 Come on, Al. Live a little! 209 00:11:22,992 --> 00:11:24,269 What's the worst that could happen? 210 00:11:24,407 --> 00:11:25,857 You might actually let your guard down 211 00:11:25,995 --> 00:11:27,721 and enjoy your life for once? 212 00:11:27,859 --> 00:11:30,206 [polka music continues] 213 00:11:33,106 --> 00:11:36,316 Yeah, yeah, I can... let my guard down. 214 00:11:36,454 --> 00:11:37,697 [music stops] 215 00:11:37,835 --> 00:11:40,113 [polka music resumes] 216 00:11:41,148 --> 00:11:44,117 Hey... and sorry. 217 00:11:46,809 --> 00:11:50,468 Hey, everybody, look what I found! 218 00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:52,608 [laughs] 219 00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:55,128 Dude, pass it here. Pass it. 220 00:11:55,266 --> 00:11:57,820 [playing "Chopsticks"] 221 00:12:00,961 --> 00:12:03,584 - Okay, dude. Okay. - [laughter] 222 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:04,965 Al, here. You gotta try this. 223 00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:06,898 Oh, no. No, no, thanks. I'm good. 224 00:12:07,036 --> 00:12:08,382 Al's afraid his mommy and daddy 225 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,488 are gonna find out he tried an accordion. 226 00:12:10,626 --> 00:12:12,214 [laughter] 227 00:12:12,352 --> 00:12:14,803 I just don't wanna play, okay? Just, just lay off me, man! 228 00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:17,357 ["The Chicken Dance" playing] 229 00:12:17,495 --> 00:12:19,635 No, guys-- 230 00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,741 - [clapping] - I'm not gonna-- 231 00:12:24,813 --> 00:12:26,435 [clapping] 232 00:12:26,573 --> 00:12:29,265 I'm not--I'm not--I'm not-- 233 00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:31,440 [clapping] 234 00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:35,064 Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll play, yeah. 235 00:12:35,202 --> 00:12:38,102 - [clapping] - [laughter] 236 00:12:43,901 --> 00:12:47,283 [fast, proficient polka music] 237 00:13:08,753 --> 00:13:11,273 [cheering] 238 00:13:18,245 --> 00:13:21,248 - It's the cops! Everyone, run! - [sirens] 239 00:13:21,386 --> 00:13:23,803 [overlapping shouting] 240 00:13:27,876 --> 00:13:29,947 I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am, 241 00:13:30,085 --> 00:13:34,537 but I'm afraid we found your son at a polka party. 242 00:13:34,675 --> 00:13:36,539 He was playing an accordion. 243 00:13:36,677 --> 00:13:39,266 That's impossible. Alfy's in-- 244 00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:43,650 A hay boy?! Really? 245 00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:46,446 What did I do to deserve this, huh? Huh? 246 00:13:46,584 --> 00:13:48,758 It's like I don't even know you anymore, Al. 247 00:13:48,897 --> 00:13:50,208 [Al] You want me to be like you. 248 00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:51,796 Look at me, I'm nothing like you. 249 00:13:51,934 --> 00:13:53,315 You want me to work that factory. 250 00:13:53,453 --> 00:13:55,835 Okay, I don't even know what you make down there. 251 00:13:55,973 --> 00:13:57,319 You just call it the factory. 252 00:13:57,457 --> 00:13:59,148 You will find out what we make at the factory 253 00:13:59,286 --> 00:14:00,805 when you work at the factory! 254 00:14:00,943 --> 00:14:04,464 Well, it's my life, and I wanna make music 255 00:14:04,602 --> 00:14:06,224 and I wanna play the accordion. 256 00:14:06,362 --> 00:14:07,639 Ah, hogwash! 257 00:14:07,777 --> 00:14:12,023 And I'm good. I'm really, really good! 258 00:14:12,161 --> 00:14:15,061 How did you get good at playing the accordion, huh? Huh? 259 00:14:15,199 --> 00:14:17,201 It certainly wasn't under my roof, was it? 260 00:14:17,339 --> 00:14:19,997 What'd you do, sneak out and practice in the woods 261 00:14:20,135 --> 00:14:21,584 in the middle of the night? 262 00:14:21,722 --> 00:14:25,968 No. I played it here, quietly. 263 00:14:27,590 --> 00:14:29,420 Yeah, I play in the closet. 264 00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:34,425 But I'm not a closet accordion player anymore. 265 00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:36,323 It feels good! 266 00:14:40,431 --> 00:14:42,226 The closet, you say? 267 00:14:45,505 --> 00:14:46,955 Hmm... 268 00:14:47,093 --> 00:14:49,233 No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey. Hey, hey, hey, Dad. 269 00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:51,304 No-no-no. You're not going-- It's not in there. 270 00:14:51,442 --> 00:14:53,202 You're not gonna find anything in there. 271 00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:55,032 Dad, what are you doing? No, no, Dad--No-no-no-no-- 272 00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:56,688 Dad, no. Dad, please. 273 00:14:56,826 --> 00:14:57,793 - Uh-huh? - Stop, stop. 274 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,588 - Boy. - Stop. Stop it. 275 00:14:59,726 --> 00:15:02,108 - Boy, this... - Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no! 276 00:15:02,246 --> 00:15:03,695 This is for your own good, boy. 277 00:15:03,833 --> 00:15:05,628 No, I need this, I need this-- 278 00:15:05,766 --> 00:15:08,493 [yells] 279 00:15:08,631 --> 00:15:10,047 [crashing] 280 00:15:10,185 --> 00:15:11,911 No! 281 00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:16,018 No, no, no, no, no! 282 00:15:16,156 --> 00:15:19,090 You--You think you're gonna stop me from playing? 283 00:15:19,228 --> 00:15:21,437 You'll see. One day I'm gonna be the best-- 284 00:15:21,575 --> 00:15:24,130 Well, perhaps not technically the best, 285 00:15:24,268 --> 00:15:27,409 but arguably the most famous accordion player 286 00:15:27,547 --> 00:15:30,757 in an extremely specific genre of music. 287 00:15:30,895 --> 00:15:32,310 I'll show you. 288 00:15:33,518 --> 00:15:35,175 I'll show everybody! 289 00:15:36,038 --> 00:15:37,384 [Nick] Get out! 290 00:15:40,111 --> 00:15:41,975 - Good riddance! - [door slams] 291 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,740 [soft music] 292 00:15:48,878 --> 00:15:52,572 [Al] Things at home never got any better after that. 293 00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:55,230 But within a few years, I graduated 294 00:15:55,368 --> 00:15:58,474 and I was able to move out and live on my own. 295 00:15:58,612 --> 00:16:01,443 Well, with three other guys in a dirt-cheap apartment, 296 00:16:01,581 --> 00:16:05,550 but the point is, I didn't have to answer to anybody. 297 00:16:05,688 --> 00:16:07,380 - Hey, hey. - Howdy. 298 00:16:07,518 --> 00:16:09,761 [Al] Now I'd have a chance to find others 299 00:16:09,899 --> 00:16:12,488 who would truly understand me. 300 00:16:12,626 --> 00:16:15,629 I could find my people. 301 00:16:18,908 --> 00:16:20,393 [accordion music] 302 00:16:20,531 --> 00:16:22,257 ♪ Beat on the brat Beat on the brat ♪ 303 00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:24,431 ♪ Beat on the brat With a baseball bat ♪ 304 00:16:24,569 --> 00:16:27,607 ♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh-ho ♪ 305 00:16:29,919 --> 00:16:32,646 ♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh-ho ♪ 306 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,131 - Okay. - ♪ Hey! ♪ 307 00:16:34,269 --> 00:16:36,892 ♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪ 308 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:40,171 - Okay, that's enough. Thanks. - Mm. 309 00:16:40,309 --> 00:16:44,382 Yeah. Very... very interesting. 310 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,523 So... we'll let you know, okay? 311 00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:51,976 Great. Um, when? 312 00:16:52,114 --> 00:16:54,254 Right now. You didn't make it. 313 00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:58,396 [men snicker] 314 00:17:00,605 --> 00:17:02,331 This sucks. 315 00:17:02,469 --> 00:17:05,334 It's the fifth audition I've been kicked out of this week. 316 00:17:05,472 --> 00:17:08,958 It's almost like nobody wants an accordion player in their band. 317 00:17:09,097 --> 00:17:10,788 That just doesn't make any sense. 318 00:17:10,926 --> 00:17:12,514 Yeah. Accordions are cool. 319 00:17:12,652 --> 00:17:14,826 That's the problem with being on the bleeding edge. 320 00:17:14,964 --> 00:17:17,208 You gotta wait for the rest of the world to catch up with you. 321 00:17:17,346 --> 00:17:19,348 I don't have time to wait. 322 00:17:19,486 --> 00:17:21,454 If nobody wants to have me in their group, 323 00:17:21,592 --> 00:17:23,456 I'm just gonna have to go it on my own. 324 00:17:23,594 --> 00:17:25,389 Don't worry, it's gonna happen for you. 325 00:17:25,527 --> 00:17:27,494 You just gotta hang in there. We got your back. 326 00:17:27,632 --> 00:17:30,739 Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys. You've just been so great. 327 00:17:30,877 --> 00:17:33,673 You really get me. It is such a difference 328 00:17:33,811 --> 00:17:35,813 after living with my folks for so long. 329 00:17:35,951 --> 00:17:38,126 Yeah. And you know, the best part of moving away from home 330 00:17:38,264 --> 00:17:41,612 is you can do anything you want. Hook up with girls... 331 00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:42,923 Get high all the time. 332 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,925 Yeah, I mean, literally anything. 333 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,237 There are no rules. 334 00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:47,825 [Steve] Just last night, I was driving 335 00:17:47,963 --> 00:17:50,310 down the wrong side of the 101 with my eyes closed, 336 00:17:50,448 --> 00:17:53,072 not knowing whether I was gonna live to see another day 337 00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:56,799 or die in a horrible, fiery wreck. 338 00:17:56,937 --> 00:17:58,215 Suck on that, Mom and Dad. 339 00:17:58,353 --> 00:18:00,182 - Yeah. You get it, Steve. - You go, Steve. 340 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,632 Oh, wow, Steve. 341 00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:03,116 What about you, Al? 342 00:18:03,254 --> 00:18:04,807 What's something you always wanted to do, 343 00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:06,395 but you were never allowed to? 344 00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:16,371 Make up new words to a song that already exists. 345 00:18:19,305 --> 00:18:21,755 Oh, well, you should do that, then. 346 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,136 [Steve] Absolutely. 347 00:18:23,274 --> 00:18:24,655 Yeah. Why don't you do it right now? 348 00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:26,208 Go on. Make up something brilliant. 349 00:18:26,346 --> 00:18:28,141 No, guys, it's not that easy. 350 00:18:28,279 --> 00:18:30,523 I gotta wait for inspiration to strike, 351 00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:33,767 and I'm pretty sure that well dried up a long time ago. 352 00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:36,080 Oh, well, if you're not gonna write us a song, 353 00:18:36,218 --> 00:18:37,840 why don't you make us some sandwiches? 354 00:18:37,978 --> 00:18:40,188 Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving. 355 00:18:40,326 --> 00:18:43,467 [all chant] Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich! 356 00:18:43,605 --> 00:18:46,021 Okay, okay, okay. Guys, I'm on it. 357 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,436 Jim, you wanna put on some tunes? 358 00:18:47,574 --> 00:18:48,610 Yeah. 359 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:50,750 [static crackling] 360 00:18:50,888 --> 00:18:53,201 ["My Sharona" by The Knack on radio] 361 00:19:01,243 --> 00:19:03,797 Oh, Steve? This bologna has your name on it. 362 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,213 - Can we? - Uh, yeah, sure. 363 00:19:05,351 --> 00:19:07,491 Just open up a package of my bologna. 364 00:19:07,629 --> 00:19:10,839 ♪ Ooh, you make my motor run My motor run ♪ 365 00:19:10,977 --> 00:19:13,945 ♪ Gun it comin' Off of the line, Sharona ♪ 366 00:19:14,083 --> 00:19:17,501 ♪ Never gonna stop, give it up Such a dirty mind ♪ 367 00:19:17,639 --> 00:19:20,952 ♪ I always get it up for The touch of the younger kind ♪ 368 00:19:21,090 --> 00:19:27,131 ♪ My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona ♪ 369 00:19:27,269 --> 00:19:30,479 ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona ♪ 370 00:19:30,617 --> 00:19:34,345 ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona, whoo! ♪ 371 00:19:34,483 --> 00:19:38,038 Is this DJ asleep? The record keeps skipping. 372 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,455 Hey! Wake up. 373 00:19:40,593 --> 00:19:44,252 ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona, whoo! ♪ 374 00:19:44,390 --> 00:19:46,875 - ♪ M-M-M-My Sharona ♪ - [quietly] ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ 375 00:19:47,013 --> 00:19:50,568 - ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ - ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona ♪ 376 00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:54,434 Al? 377 00:19:54,572 --> 00:19:57,196 [whispers] ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ 378 00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:02,546 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ 379 00:20:04,617 --> 00:20:05,583 You okay? 380 00:20:14,627 --> 00:20:17,423 ♪ Ooh, my little hungry one Hungry one ♪ 381 00:20:17,561 --> 00:20:21,703 ♪ Open up a package Of my bologna ♪ 382 00:20:26,673 --> 00:20:28,261 ♪ Ooh, I think the toast Is done ♪ 383 00:20:28,399 --> 00:20:29,814 ♪ The toast is done ♪ 384 00:20:29,952 --> 00:20:33,542 ♪ Top it with a little Of my bologna ♪ 385 00:20:37,305 --> 00:20:38,823 Where did that come from? 386 00:20:38,961 --> 00:20:40,239 Dude, I've got chills. 387 00:20:40,377 --> 00:20:41,930 I don't know, it just came out of me. 388 00:20:42,068 --> 00:20:44,898 I've never heard anything like that before in my life. 389 00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,141 You have to record that. 390 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,867 Record it? No, come on, guys. 391 00:20:48,005 --> 00:20:49,731 Al, you've got something here. 392 00:20:49,869 --> 00:20:53,528 I don't know if it comes from God or the devil, 393 00:20:53,666 --> 00:20:55,633 but the world needs to hear it. 394 00:20:56,807 --> 00:20:58,187 No, forget it, guys. 395 00:20:58,326 --> 00:20:59,637 I don't have the money for a recording studio. 396 00:20:59,775 --> 00:21:02,088 I think the bathroom at the bus station 397 00:21:02,226 --> 00:21:04,090 has pretty good acoustics. 398 00:21:04,228 --> 00:21:06,886 ["My Bologna" playing] 399 00:21:07,024 --> 00:21:10,269 Yeah, sounds good in here. 400 00:21:10,407 --> 00:21:12,823 You can put it right there, that works. 401 00:21:14,687 --> 00:21:17,517 ♪ Ooh, my little hungry one Hungry one ♪ 402 00:21:17,655 --> 00:21:20,002 ♪ Open up a package Of my bologna ♪ 403 00:21:20,140 --> 00:21:21,625 ♪ Ooh, I think the toast Is done ♪ 404 00:21:21,763 --> 00:21:23,489 ♪ The toast is done ♪ 405 00:21:23,627 --> 00:21:25,939 ♪ Top it with a little Of my bologna ♪ 406 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:27,769 ♪ Never gonna stop, eat it up ♪ 407 00:21:27,907 --> 00:21:29,702 ♪ Such a tasty snack I always eat too much ♪ 408 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,186 ♪ And throw up But I'll soon be back ♪ 409 00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:34,707 ♪ For my my my-yi-yi, whoo! ♪ 410 00:21:34,845 --> 00:21:40,299 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna M-m-m-my bologna, hey! ♪ 411 00:21:42,473 --> 00:21:46,201 [accordion music continues] 412 00:21:50,032 --> 00:21:52,311 [cheering] 413 00:21:54,209 --> 00:21:58,040 [accordion music continues] 414 00:21:58,178 --> 00:22:00,940 [cheering] 415 00:22:01,078 --> 00:22:02,838 [belches] All right. 416 00:22:02,976 --> 00:22:06,152 Just mailed the tape off to Captain Buffoon. 417 00:22:06,290 --> 00:22:07,567 Now, I guess, all I gotta do is 418 00:22:07,705 --> 00:22:10,639 sit back and wait to become famous. 419 00:22:10,777 --> 00:22:13,780 [scoffs] Yeah, I don't think that's quite how it works, Al. 420 00:22:13,918 --> 00:22:17,025 Nobody becomes famous overnight. That's a myth. 421 00:22:17,163 --> 00:22:19,165 Sometimes it takes years, 422 00:22:19,303 --> 00:22:21,167 decades of hard work to get noticed. 423 00:22:21,305 --> 00:22:23,342 - What? - Look, I believe in you. 424 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,274 I know it's gonna happen for you someday, 425 00:22:25,413 --> 00:22:27,829 but you can't just mail your tape off to some disc jockey 426 00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:30,072 and expect to instantly become a sensation. 427 00:22:30,210 --> 00:22:32,420 Man, why can't I catch a break? 428 00:22:34,974 --> 00:22:37,390 [Captain Buffoon] Captain Buffoon on your radio dial. 429 00:22:37,528 --> 00:22:39,358 No, I'm not making this up-- 430 00:22:39,496 --> 00:22:41,774 I just received this tape in the mail a few minutes ago, 431 00:22:41,912 --> 00:22:45,156 and what can I say? It's an instant sensation! 432 00:22:45,294 --> 00:22:46,572 It's already the number one 433 00:22:46,710 --> 00:22:48,367 most-requested song of the week, 434 00:22:48,505 --> 00:22:50,230 and we're playing it all day long. 435 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:54,718 So, here it is, once again, Al Yankovic with My Bologna! 436 00:22:54,856 --> 00:22:58,377 [all yelling] 437 00:22:59,826 --> 00:23:04,210 - [grunting, slapping] - Again! 438 00:23:04,348 --> 00:23:07,109 ♪ Ooh, my little hungry one Hungry one ♪ 439 00:23:07,247 --> 00:23:08,663 ♪ Open up a package... ♪ 440 00:23:08,801 --> 00:23:10,354 You know what this means, right? 441 00:23:10,492 --> 00:23:12,839 You gotta get yourself a record deal. 442 00:23:12,977 --> 00:23:15,221 [both screaming] 443 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,568 ♪ Never gonna stop, eat it up ♪ 444 00:23:17,706 --> 00:23:19,501 ♪ Such a tasty snack I always eat too much ♪ 445 00:23:19,639 --> 00:23:21,158 ♪ And throw up But I'll soon be back ♪ 446 00:23:21,296 --> 00:23:24,437 ♪ For my, my, my-yi-yi, whoo! ♪ 447 00:23:24,575 --> 00:23:27,198 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪ 448 00:23:27,336 --> 00:23:29,477 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna, hey! ♪ 449 00:23:29,615 --> 00:23:33,273 [accordion music continues] 450 00:23:45,147 --> 00:23:46,942 I've heard enough. 451 00:23:50,152 --> 00:23:52,500 And what did you think? 452 00:23:52,638 --> 00:23:55,917 Do you know why they call it the "music business"? 453 00:23:56,055 --> 00:23:57,988 Uh, why? 454 00:23:58,126 --> 00:23:59,161 Because it's a business. 455 00:23:59,299 --> 00:24:00,508 It's a business! 456 00:24:00,646 --> 00:24:02,026 [Tony] Use your head, kid. 457 00:24:02,164 --> 00:24:04,546 Nobody wants to hear a parody song 458 00:24:04,684 --> 00:24:07,515 when they can hear the real thing for the same price. 459 00:24:07,653 --> 00:24:09,137 [stammers] What's the point? 460 00:24:09,275 --> 00:24:11,311 Yeah, it makes no financial sense whatsoever. 461 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,452 Uh, my-my-my song was actually 462 00:24:13,590 --> 00:24:15,281 a-a big hit on The Captain Buffoon Show. 463 00:24:15,419 --> 00:24:17,283 - [laughing] Oh! - What? 464 00:24:17,421 --> 00:24:18,595 Captain Buffoon? Really? 465 00:24:18,733 --> 00:24:20,182 - Yeah. - [Tony] Wait, wait. 466 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,288 Captain Buffoon actually played your song on the radio? 467 00:24:22,426 --> 00:24:23,772 Yeah. 468 00:24:23,910 --> 00:24:25,464 Why didn't you tell us? This changes everything. 469 00:24:25,602 --> 00:24:27,120 Ben, get this young gentleman a record contract 470 00:24:27,258 --> 00:24:28,674 this very instant. 471 00:24:28,812 --> 00:24:31,228 We are gonna sign him to a 14-album deal. 472 00:24:31,366 --> 00:24:32,540 Wait, really? 473 00:24:32,678 --> 00:24:35,059 No! What do you think I am, an idiot? 474 00:24:35,197 --> 00:24:37,476 - He's not an idiot! - I'm not an idiot! 475 00:24:37,614 --> 00:24:40,030 - If I may interject here. - Please. 476 00:24:40,168 --> 00:24:41,928 Look, I'd just like to say 477 00:24:42,066 --> 00:24:44,103 that you got some nerve coming in here 478 00:24:44,241 --> 00:24:48,832 and wasting my time and my brother Tony's time. 479 00:24:48,970 --> 00:24:53,526 I'm gonna remember your name because you, Al Yankovic, 480 00:24:53,664 --> 00:24:56,978 are the most untalented, pathetic loser 481 00:24:57,116 --> 00:25:00,119 that I've ever met in my entire life. 482 00:25:00,257 --> 00:25:01,845 Okay, um, maybe-- 483 00:25:01,983 --> 00:25:07,229 You're nothing but a hack, a stupid, useless parasite, 484 00:25:07,367 --> 00:25:10,301 - and you're so ugly. - Okay... 485 00:25:10,439 --> 00:25:14,616 That ridiculous hair, that horrible mustache, 486 00:25:14,754 --> 00:25:16,549 stupid glasses. 487 00:25:16,687 --> 00:25:18,033 You make me wanna throw up! 488 00:25:18,171 --> 00:25:19,725 All right, thank you. Thank you, Ben. 489 00:25:19,863 --> 00:25:21,520 Thank you, Ben, for your, for your thoughts. 490 00:25:21,658 --> 00:25:23,211 - Thank you. - Jeez. 491 00:25:23,349 --> 00:25:25,006 - Ugh. - [Tony] Look, kid, 492 00:25:25,144 --> 00:25:29,217 if you really have your heart set on doing this stupid music, 493 00:25:29,355 --> 00:25:31,184 maybe write more than one song. 494 00:25:31,322 --> 00:25:33,497 [Ben] Yeah, all the biggest musical acts have more than 495 00:25:33,635 --> 00:25:35,361 one song in their catalog. 496 00:25:35,499 --> 00:25:36,811 That's very true. 497 00:25:36,949 --> 00:25:38,709 And also, get out in front of a live audience. 498 00:25:38,847 --> 00:25:40,435 Any audience, any stage, 499 00:25:40,573 --> 00:25:43,611 just get out there, build up your chops, and who knows? 500 00:25:43,749 --> 00:25:47,166 Maybe someday... we'll talk again. 501 00:25:47,304 --> 00:25:50,341 But don't count on it because you truly suck. 502 00:25:50,479 --> 00:25:51,446 Right. 503 00:25:51,584 --> 00:25:52,896 Okay. 504 00:25:53,034 --> 00:25:54,104 [man] ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪ 505 00:25:54,242 --> 00:25:55,968 [fighting grunts] 506 00:25:57,728 --> 00:26:00,420 [loud rock music] 507 00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:04,873 ♪ Bowling with the devil! ♪ 508 00:26:06,426 --> 00:26:09,360 Thank you! We are Skunk Barf! 509 00:26:09,498 --> 00:26:13,744 - You guys suck! - [crowd booing] 510 00:26:14,883 --> 00:26:18,162 [shouting, jeering] 511 00:26:20,613 --> 00:26:23,720 I can't do this. I can't do this. 512 00:26:23,858 --> 00:26:25,791 Just relax, you'll be great. 513 00:26:25,929 --> 00:26:27,620 Yeah, the new song's a bona fide hit. 514 00:26:27,758 --> 00:26:29,484 It's about ice cream! 515 00:26:29,622 --> 00:26:31,279 Everybody likes ice cream. 516 00:26:31,417 --> 00:26:34,627 This seems like more of a whiskey and... heroin crowd. 517 00:26:34,765 --> 00:26:36,629 Look, guys, I appreciate you 518 00:26:36,767 --> 00:26:38,527 being here for moral support and everything, 519 00:26:38,666 --> 00:26:39,839 but they are literally gonna kill me. 520 00:26:39,977 --> 00:26:41,323 We need to leave right now. 521 00:26:41,461 --> 00:26:42,877 Don't be silly, man. They're gonna love you. 522 00:26:43,015 --> 00:26:44,672 All right, we got, uh, most of the blood 523 00:26:44,810 --> 00:26:48,986 cleaned off the stage, so you're on, now. 524 00:26:49,124 --> 00:26:52,956 - Go start the car. - Nah, you got this, Al. 525 00:26:53,094 --> 00:26:55,614 This is your moment. Go get 'em, champ. 526 00:26:55,752 --> 00:26:58,547 - [struggling] - Go get 'em. 527 00:27:01,723 --> 00:27:03,483 [exhales] 528 00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:05,520 [indistinct chatter] 529 00:27:05,658 --> 00:27:09,766 All right, all right, who's ready for some more music? 530 00:27:11,802 --> 00:27:13,977 Okay, uh, coming next to the stage, 531 00:27:14,115 --> 00:27:17,636 it's this guy's first time, Al Yankovic. 532 00:27:22,123 --> 00:27:24,159 - [feedback screeching] - Hey. [clears throat] 533 00:27:24,297 --> 00:27:25,540 Sorry. 534 00:27:27,093 --> 00:27:29,026 Sorry. 535 00:27:29,164 --> 00:27:32,064 Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt, Trapper John! 536 00:27:32,202 --> 00:27:34,445 [crowd jeering] 537 00:27:34,583 --> 00:27:36,240 [sniffs] Um... 538 00:27:41,383 --> 00:27:42,799 [man] Boo! 539 00:27:43,903 --> 00:27:47,666 ["I Love Rocky Road" playing] 540 00:27:57,779 --> 00:28:01,645 ♪ I hear those ice cream bells And I start to drool... ♪ 541 00:28:01,783 --> 00:28:03,578 This guy needs some help. 542 00:28:03,716 --> 00:28:06,892 ♪ Keep a couple quarts In my locker at school ♪ 543 00:28:07,030 --> 00:28:10,102 ♪ Yeah, but chocolate's Gettin' old ♪ 544 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,346 ♪ Vanilla just leaves me cold ♪ 545 00:28:13,484 --> 00:28:15,832 [drumming joins] 546 00:28:15,970 --> 00:28:20,526 ♪ There's just one flavor good Enough for me, yeah me ♪ 547 00:28:20,664 --> 00:28:24,979 ♪ Don't gimme no crummy taste Spoon, I know what I need ♪ 548 00:28:25,117 --> 00:28:28,258 ♪ Baby, I love rocky road ♪ 549 00:28:28,396 --> 00:28:30,536 ♪ So won't you go and buy Half a gallon, baby ♪ 550 00:28:30,674 --> 00:28:32,296 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 551 00:28:32,434 --> 00:28:36,197 ♪ So have another Triple scoop with me ♪ 552 00:28:36,335 --> 00:28:37,646 ♪ Ow! ♪ 553 00:28:39,269 --> 00:28:41,961 Gimme a shot of tequila and two scoops of rum raisin. 554 00:28:42,099 --> 00:28:43,894 We don't sell ice cream here. 555 00:28:44,032 --> 00:28:45,965 You better start selling it before this song's over 556 00:28:46,103 --> 00:28:48,623 or you're gonna have a riot on your hands. 557 00:28:48,761 --> 00:28:53,662 ♪ When I'm all alone I just grab myself a cone ♪ 558 00:28:53,801 --> 00:28:58,529 ♪ And if I get fat and lose My teeth, that's fine with me ♪ 559 00:28:58,667 --> 00:29:03,051 ♪ Just lock me in the freezer And throw away the key ♪ 560 00:29:03,189 --> 00:29:05,778 ♪ Singing I love rocky road ♪ 561 00:29:05,916 --> 00:29:08,677 ♪ So won't you go and buy Half a gallon, baby ♪ 562 00:29:08,816 --> 00:29:10,231 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 563 00:29:10,369 --> 00:29:12,958 ♪ So have another triple Scoop with me ♪ 564 00:29:13,096 --> 00:29:15,098 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 565 00:29:15,236 --> 00:29:17,721 ♪ So won't you go And buy half a gallon, baby ♪ 566 00:29:17,859 --> 00:29:20,206 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 567 00:29:20,344 --> 00:29:22,105 ♪ So have another triple Scoop with ♪ 568 00:29:22,243 --> 00:29:24,210 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 569 00:29:24,348 --> 00:29:26,799 ♪ So won't you go and buy Half a gallon, baby ♪ 570 00:29:26,937 --> 00:29:29,043 ♪ I love rocky road ♪ 571 00:29:29,181 --> 00:29:31,700 ♪ So have another triple scoop With me ♪ 572 00:29:31,839 --> 00:29:34,427 [audience cheering] 573 00:29:42,711 --> 00:29:45,818 Why didn't you guys tell me you could play? You're great. 574 00:29:45,956 --> 00:29:47,820 I guess it didn't seem relevant 'til now. 575 00:29:47,958 --> 00:29:51,755 - [cheering] - Thank you! 576 00:29:56,656 --> 00:29:58,106 Oh, hey. 577 00:29:59,073 --> 00:30:02,662 Oh! You're Dr. Demento. 578 00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:06,287 Oh, wow. I am such a huge fan. I can't believe this. 579 00:30:06,425 --> 00:30:08,737 I've been listening to your show my entire life. 580 00:30:08,876 --> 00:30:11,671 Whoo-whoo-whoo, wind up your radio-- 581 00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:12,983 - Don't do that. - Sorry. 582 00:30:13,121 --> 00:30:15,020 Um, did you see the show? 583 00:30:15,158 --> 00:30:18,609 I did. And let me tell you something, kid. 584 00:30:18,747 --> 00:30:21,095 Every once in a great while, I can spot a talent 585 00:30:21,233 --> 00:30:24,167 that I know is headed straight to the top. 586 00:30:24,305 --> 00:30:25,754 Nervous Norvus, 587 00:30:25,893 --> 00:30:28,412 Wild Man Fischer, 588 00:30:28,550 --> 00:30:31,312 and now... you. 589 00:30:31,450 --> 00:30:35,040 What I saw you do on that stage tonight blew my mind! 590 00:30:35,178 --> 00:30:37,559 I'm telling you, you've cracked the code. 591 00:30:37,697 --> 00:30:38,906 You're onto something special. 592 00:30:39,044 --> 00:30:40,355 Wow, I mean, you, you, you have no idea 593 00:30:40,493 --> 00:30:42,116 what it means for me to hear you say that. 594 00:30:42,254 --> 00:30:44,670 - Thank you so much. - Oh... 595 00:30:44,808 --> 00:30:46,948 Um, I only wish the Scotti Brothers 596 00:30:47,086 --> 00:30:48,570 felt the same way. 597 00:30:48,708 --> 00:30:50,572 Ah, those suits. They couldn't recognize real talent 598 00:30:50,710 --> 00:30:54,818 if it slapped them in the face with a dead fish. [laughs] 599 00:30:54,956 --> 00:30:57,717 But I might be able to get them to notice you. 600 00:30:57,856 --> 00:30:59,029 How? 601 00:30:59,167 --> 00:31:01,929 Well, stick with me, huh? 602 00:31:02,067 --> 00:31:04,448 I know a little something about the biz. 603 00:31:04,586 --> 00:31:08,280 Uh, wait, are-are you saying you want to be my mentor? 604 00:31:08,418 --> 00:31:13,699 No, I'm saying I want to be your... de-mentor! 605 00:31:13,837 --> 00:31:15,977 [laughs] 606 00:31:22,052 --> 00:31:25,124 But first, we gotta find you a stage name. 607 00:31:25,262 --> 00:31:28,852 I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech. 608 00:31:28,990 --> 00:31:30,889 Doesn't exactly trip off the tongue now, does it? 609 00:31:31,027 --> 00:31:32,062 I guess not. 610 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:33,443 It's so clunky. It's long. 611 00:31:33,581 --> 00:31:34,823 It's ungainly. It's hard to pronounce. 612 00:31:34,962 --> 00:31:36,204 Sorry. 613 00:31:36,342 --> 00:31:38,379 Now, I'm just gonna throw this out there. 614 00:31:38,517 --> 00:31:41,347 Would you be willing to change your name to... 615 00:31:43,004 --> 00:31:47,836 Weird... Al Yankovic? 616 00:31:49,252 --> 00:31:50,322 I love it. 617 00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:53,463 [laughs] Great. Great! 618 00:31:53,601 --> 00:31:55,879 Hey, I'm having a little pool party at the house this weekend. 619 00:31:56,017 --> 00:31:57,846 I'd love to introduce you to some folks. 620 00:31:57,985 --> 00:31:59,434 What do you say you come on by, 621 00:31:59,572 --> 00:32:01,609 we'll continue this conversation at the grotto. 622 00:32:01,747 --> 00:32:03,024 Yes, of course! 623 00:32:03,162 --> 00:32:07,822 Mm-hmm. And don't forget to stay demented! 624 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,617 [laughs] 625 00:32:09,755 --> 00:32:10,998 You got it. 626 00:32:15,761 --> 00:32:18,246 [indistinct party chatter] 627 00:32:23,734 --> 00:32:25,840 [Dr. Demento] H-H-Hey! 628 00:32:25,978 --> 00:32:28,636 There he is, my newest superstar. 629 00:32:28,774 --> 00:32:30,879 Ah, so glad you could make it. 630 00:32:31,018 --> 00:32:32,640 I've been telling everyone about you, 631 00:32:32,778 --> 00:32:35,712 and, uh, looks like you've brought your band. 632 00:32:35,850 --> 00:32:37,438 Okay, fine. 633 00:32:37,576 --> 00:32:39,405 Uh, there's some canapés right over there, gentlemen. 634 00:32:39,543 --> 00:32:41,718 Help yourselves. So, let me show you around, okay? 635 00:32:41,856 --> 00:32:44,963 Everyone's dying to meet you. Oh, right this way. 636 00:32:45,101 --> 00:32:47,034 - Uh, Mr. Herman. - [Pee-wee] Hello. 637 00:32:47,172 --> 00:32:48,932 I'd like you to meet "Weird Al" Yankovic. 638 00:32:49,070 --> 00:32:51,452 Ah, a rising star. 639 00:32:51,590 --> 00:32:52,936 Pleased to meet you. 640 00:32:53,074 --> 00:32:56,146 [both laughing] 641 00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:00,357 And this is, of course, Tiny Tim. 642 00:33:00,495 --> 00:33:06,156 Oh, Mr. Yankovic. Oh, why, you're just the cat's pajamas. 643 00:33:06,294 --> 00:33:08,296 Is that a good thing? 644 00:33:08,434 --> 00:33:09,504 Sure. 645 00:33:09,642 --> 00:33:11,679 Ah, excuse us, gentlemen. 646 00:33:11,817 --> 00:33:13,336 Nice to meet you. 647 00:33:13,474 --> 00:33:16,166 So that's Demento's new protégé. 648 00:33:16,304 --> 00:33:17,581 You know, I hear they don't even hand out 649 00:33:17,719 --> 00:33:19,894 raincoats and tarps at his shows. 650 00:33:20,032 --> 00:33:21,620 Amateur hour. 651 00:33:23,484 --> 00:33:25,003 Amateur hour. 652 00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:28,247 Well, hello, Dali. 653 00:33:28,385 --> 00:33:29,628 Andy. 654 00:33:29,766 --> 00:33:33,839 What do you think of this "Weird Al" Yankovic? 655 00:33:33,977 --> 00:33:39,189 Dali predicts he will change everything we know about art! 656 00:33:39,327 --> 00:33:42,744 Weird Al will change the world! 657 00:33:42,882 --> 00:33:45,678 Eh, I give him 15 minutes. 658 00:33:45,816 --> 00:33:50,131 Well, well, well, if it isn't Dr. Demento. 659 00:33:50,269 --> 00:33:53,341 Wolfman Jack. Who let you in here? 660 00:33:53,479 --> 00:33:57,000 The Wolfman goes where the Wolfman wants, baby. 661 00:33:57,932 --> 00:34:01,004 [howling] 662 00:34:01,142 --> 00:34:02,695 Security! 663 00:34:02,833 --> 00:34:06,837 Relax. I just came by to lay eyes on this cat 664 00:34:06,975 --> 00:34:09,288 you've been paradin' around. 665 00:34:09,426 --> 00:34:11,877 The one who takes preexisting musical compositions 666 00:34:12,015 --> 00:34:15,294 and completely changes the lyrics. 667 00:34:15,432 --> 00:34:19,333 He has a name, you know. And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic. 668 00:34:19,471 --> 00:34:22,853 Well then, put 'er there, Weird Al. 669 00:34:22,991 --> 00:34:25,132 Oooh! Too slow. 670 00:34:25,270 --> 00:34:26,788 What is the meaning of this? 671 00:34:26,926 --> 00:34:29,239 This is me telling you that I know hit talent 672 00:34:29,377 --> 00:34:31,345 when I see it, and this kid ain't it. 673 00:34:31,483 --> 00:34:34,831 He'll never crack the top 40, he's too niche. 674 00:34:34,969 --> 00:34:39,836 This kid, as you call him, is the future of music. 675 00:34:39,974 --> 00:34:44,565 Right. Well, if he's so great, how about he comes up 676 00:34:44,703 --> 00:34:48,155 with a new parody song right now on the spot? 677 00:34:48,293 --> 00:34:50,260 - [guests] Ooh... - Whoa. 678 00:34:50,398 --> 00:34:51,779 [Al] I mean, come on, man. It's a party. 679 00:34:51,917 --> 00:34:53,367 I don't know that's a good idea. 680 00:34:53,505 --> 00:34:55,438 [John] Do Another One Bites the Dust. 681 00:34:55,576 --> 00:34:59,131 [laughs] That seems fitting, who said that? 682 00:34:59,269 --> 00:35:03,273 I did. I'm John Deacon... 683 00:35:06,587 --> 00:35:08,106 of Queen. 684 00:35:11,074 --> 00:35:12,662 I play the bass in Queen. 685 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,284 [crowd] Oh... 686 00:35:14,422 --> 00:35:16,700 All right, future boy. 687 00:35:16,838 --> 00:35:21,049 Let's hear what you can do with Another One Bites the Dust. 688 00:35:30,128 --> 00:35:31,750 We're waiting. 689 00:35:33,614 --> 00:35:36,168 You don't have to prove anything to him. 690 00:35:36,306 --> 00:35:38,964 [Jack] Come on, guy from Queen. 691 00:35:39,102 --> 00:35:44,142 Let's go find a party with some real talent. [laughs] 692 00:35:48,836 --> 00:35:51,459 Get me my accordion. 693 00:35:51,597 --> 00:35:53,427 [Jack] Hey, you like deviled eggs? 694 00:35:53,565 --> 00:35:56,292 I love a good deviled egg. They don't love me, though. 695 00:35:56,430 --> 00:36:00,019 ["Another One Rides the Bus" playing] 696 00:36:09,995 --> 00:36:11,721 ♪ Ridin' in the bus Down the boulevard ♪ 697 00:36:11,859 --> 00:36:13,757 ♪ And the place was Pretty packed, yeah! ♪ 698 00:36:13,895 --> 00:36:15,518 ♪ I couldn't find a seat So I had to stand ♪ 699 00:36:15,656 --> 00:36:17,313 ♪ With the perverts In the back ♪ 700 00:36:17,451 --> 00:36:18,969 ♪ It was smellin' Like a locker room ♪ 701 00:36:19,107 --> 00:36:20,799 ♪ There was junk All over the floor ♪ 702 00:36:20,937 --> 00:36:22,801 ♪ We're already packed in Like sardines ♪ 703 00:36:22,939 --> 00:36:26,080 ♪ But we're stoppin' To pick up more, look out! ♪ 704 00:36:26,218 --> 00:36:29,325 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 705 00:36:29,463 --> 00:36:31,568 - ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ -[train whistle] 706 00:36:31,706 --> 00:36:33,536 ♪ And another comes on And another comes on ♪ 707 00:36:33,674 --> 00:36:35,262 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 708 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,229 ♪ Hey, he's gonna sit by you ♪ 709 00:36:37,367 --> 00:36:40,128 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 710 00:36:46,273 --> 00:36:47,722 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 711 00:36:47,860 --> 00:36:49,862 ♪ Another one rides the bus Ow! ♪ 712 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,761 ♪ Another one rides the bus Hey, hey ♪ 713 00:36:51,899 --> 00:36:56,317 ♪ Another one rides the bus Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey ♪ 714 00:37:00,390 --> 00:37:02,427 ♪ The window doesn't open And the fan is broke ♪ 715 00:37:02,565 --> 00:37:04,567 ♪ And my face Is turnin' blue, yeah ♪ 716 00:37:04,705 --> 00:37:06,431 ♪ I haven't been In a crowd like this ♪ 717 00:37:06,569 --> 00:37:08,226 ♪ Since I went to see The Who ♪ 718 00:37:08,364 --> 00:37:09,951 ♪ Well, I should've got off A couple miles ago ♪ 719 00:37:10,089 --> 00:37:11,815 ♪ But I couldn't get To the door ♪ 720 00:37:11,953 --> 00:37:13,541 ♪ There isn't any room For me to breathe ♪ 721 00:37:13,679 --> 00:37:16,751 ♪ Now we're gonna pick up more Yeah! ♪ 722 00:37:16,889 --> 00:37:20,203 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 723 00:37:20,341 --> 00:37:22,550 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 724 00:37:22,688 --> 00:37:24,449 ♪ And another comes on And another comes on ♪ 725 00:37:24,587 --> 00:37:26,416 ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪ 726 00:37:26,554 --> 00:37:30,213 ♪ Hey, he's gonna sit by you Another one rides the bus! ♪ 727 00:37:30,351 --> 00:37:32,871 [guests cheering] 728 00:37:47,955 --> 00:37:49,439 I don't know what to say. 729 00:37:50,785 --> 00:37:52,477 That was the-- 730 00:37:52,615 --> 00:37:53,857 That was the most beautiful thing 731 00:37:53,995 --> 00:37:55,756 I've ever heard in my entire life. 732 00:37:57,344 --> 00:38:00,795 You truly have a rare gift, Weird Al. 733 00:38:08,838 --> 00:38:13,049 Hey mate, we're playing a little gig next week 734 00:38:13,187 --> 00:38:17,950 called Live Aid, Wembley Stadium. 735 00:38:18,088 --> 00:38:20,436 I'd be honored if you would join the band 736 00:38:20,574 --> 00:38:23,818 and play that song on stage with us. 737 00:38:25,855 --> 00:38:27,408 What do you say? 738 00:38:33,932 --> 00:38:35,313 Hard pass! 739 00:38:35,451 --> 00:38:38,764 [laughter] 740 00:38:43,079 --> 00:38:46,289 - This guy? - Get him, get him out of here! 741 00:38:50,535 --> 00:38:53,020 [Al] I felt like I was on top of the world, 742 00:38:53,158 --> 00:38:56,782 but this was just the beginning. 743 00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:00,407 "Weird Al" Yankovic is one of the most exciting 744 00:39:00,545 --> 00:39:02,754 new artists in pop music today. 745 00:39:02,892 --> 00:39:05,481 His self-titled debut album 746 00:39:05,619 --> 00:39:09,381 was just certified quintuple platinum. 747 00:39:09,519 --> 00:39:10,900 [audience cheers] 748 00:39:11,038 --> 00:39:13,074 Simply by taking well-known pop songs 749 00:39:13,212 --> 00:39:14,593 and changing the lyrics, 750 00:39:14,731 --> 00:39:16,940 Yankovic has taken the world by storm. 751 00:39:17,078 --> 00:39:20,288 I have never seen a collection of Hawaiian shirts like this. 752 00:39:20,427 --> 00:39:22,118 Oh, well, thank you, Oprah! 753 00:39:22,256 --> 00:39:24,292 [Oprah] He has the number one album in 20 countries 754 00:39:24,431 --> 00:39:26,364 and counts among his fans such luminaries as... 755 00:39:26,502 --> 00:39:28,262 Hey, turn this up. 756 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,920 [Oprah] ...President Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II. 757 00:39:31,058 --> 00:39:33,957 Even international drug lord Pablo Escobar 758 00:39:34,095 --> 00:39:36,926 calls Weird Al his favorite musician. 759 00:39:37,064 --> 00:39:38,652 ♪ Oh, Ricky, you're so fine ♪ 760 00:39:38,790 --> 00:39:40,550 ♪ You're so fine You blow my mind ♪ 761 00:39:40,688 --> 00:39:43,035 - ♪ Hey Ricky! Hey Ricky! ♪ - [guns firing] 762 00:39:43,173 --> 00:39:45,072 And what about this, this necklace you're wearing? 763 00:39:45,210 --> 00:39:46,694 Oh, these, yeah. 764 00:39:46,832 --> 00:39:48,489 I, uh, I wear one solid platinum record medallion 765 00:39:48,627 --> 00:39:50,284 for each time my album went platinum. 766 00:39:50,422 --> 00:39:52,597 So that's one, two, three, four, five. 767 00:39:52,735 --> 00:39:54,426 Wow. Those look heavy. 768 00:39:54,564 --> 00:39:56,566 They are super uncomfortable. 769 00:39:56,704 --> 00:39:59,155 [Oprah] And it's not just the record company 770 00:39:59,293 --> 00:40:01,916 that's cashing in on Weird Al fever. 771 00:40:02,054 --> 00:40:05,610 The artists he's parodying are experiencing a phenomenon 772 00:40:05,748 --> 00:40:08,475 that's being called the Yankovic Bump. 773 00:40:08,613 --> 00:40:11,685 The Knack, Joan Jett and even Queen 774 00:40:11,823 --> 00:40:14,619 have seen their album sales double 775 00:40:14,757 --> 00:40:17,967 after Weird Al put his unique spin on their songs. 776 00:40:18,105 --> 00:40:22,281 Which begs the question, who will be next? 777 00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:25,284 Who indeed? 778 00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:29,841 Al, you really do seem to have the Midas touch. [chuckles] 779 00:40:29,979 --> 00:40:32,533 I've never seen anything like it in all my years. 780 00:40:32,671 --> 00:40:35,191 Your parents must be proud. 781 00:40:35,329 --> 00:40:38,332 Yeah. Yeah, my parents... 782 00:40:47,479 --> 00:40:48,963 Is everything okay? 783 00:40:49,101 --> 00:40:51,138 Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course. 784 00:40:51,276 --> 00:40:53,865 Yeah, whose--whose parents wouldn't be proud? 785 00:40:54,003 --> 00:40:55,487 [Oprah] Exactly. 786 00:40:56,799 --> 00:41:00,009 - Al? Al? - [phone ringing] 787 00:41:04,910 --> 00:41:05,980 Hello? 788 00:41:06,118 --> 00:41:09,605 - [Al] Hey, Mom. It's me. - Alfy? 789 00:41:09,743 --> 00:41:11,952 [Al] It's been a long time, hasn't it? 790 00:41:13,816 --> 00:41:15,334 We saw you on the TV. 791 00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,751 It's crazy, right? 792 00:41:17,889 --> 00:41:19,891 Yeah, who would've thought? 793 00:41:20,029 --> 00:41:22,480 I'm actually gearing up for a residency right now 794 00:41:22,618 --> 00:41:24,516 at Madison Square Garden. 795 00:41:24,654 --> 00:41:27,346 Sold out 25 nights in a row. 796 00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,003 They're, uh, they're moving the Knicks 797 00:41:29,141 --> 00:41:31,040 to a hockey rink in Jersey for a month. 798 00:41:31,178 --> 00:41:32,697 - Huh. - Yep. 799 00:41:32,835 --> 00:41:34,561 Yep. I'm living the dream. 800 00:41:34,699 --> 00:41:37,046 I mean, to have 20,000 people every night 801 00:41:37,184 --> 00:41:39,220 singing along to my words 802 00:41:39,358 --> 00:41:41,119 to other people's music. 803 00:41:41,257 --> 00:41:44,122 I feel truly alive when I'm on that stage. 804 00:41:44,260 --> 00:41:45,917 [Mary] Oh, that's nice. 805 00:41:47,021 --> 00:41:48,678 Are you eating enough bran? 806 00:41:49,955 --> 00:41:51,992 - What? - Well, it's important. 807 00:41:52,130 --> 00:41:54,581 It keeps you regular and you know how you get 808 00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,031 when you're not having your regular BMs, Alfy. 809 00:41:57,169 --> 00:42:00,103 I--Yeah, sure. 810 00:42:00,241 --> 00:42:03,866 Good. That's good. 811 00:42:05,177 --> 00:42:09,837 So, um, so how's Dad? 812 00:42:09,975 --> 00:42:13,392 Gosh, your father's a complicated man. 813 00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:15,533 Does he ever talk about me? 814 00:42:15,671 --> 00:42:18,777 Oh, sure, all the time. Yes. 815 00:42:18,915 --> 00:42:21,193 There's so many things that he wants to tell you, 816 00:42:21,331 --> 00:42:22,540 but it's just difficult for him. 817 00:42:22,678 --> 00:42:24,611 Well, like what? 818 00:42:24,749 --> 00:42:26,992 You know, what does he want to tell me? 819 00:42:27,130 --> 00:42:31,652 Well, mostly he just wants to let you know that 820 00:42:31,790 --> 00:42:34,068 he's definitely not proud of you. 821 00:42:35,311 --> 00:42:36,657 What? 822 00:42:36,795 --> 00:42:38,694 Yes. He told me to be crystal clear about that. 823 00:42:38,832 --> 00:42:41,248 Also, he still thinks that parody songs are stupid, 824 00:42:41,386 --> 00:42:42,698 and I don't have to tell you 825 00:42:42,836 --> 00:42:44,147 how he feels about the accordion, do I? 826 00:42:44,285 --> 00:42:45,942 Okay. Well, Mom, I actually have to go now. 827 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:47,806 You know, he just never really wanted to have kids. 828 00:42:47,944 --> 00:42:49,877 Okay. Well, great talking to you. 829 00:42:50,015 --> 00:42:52,190 Listen, if you do wanna get that job down at the factory, 830 00:42:52,328 --> 00:42:54,433 I'm sure your father can pull a few strings for you. 831 00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:55,814 All right. Take care now, bye-bye. 832 00:42:55,952 --> 00:42:57,851 - Love you, Alfy! - Yep! 833 00:43:05,030 --> 00:43:06,514 - [grunts] - [phone shatters] 834 00:43:08,862 --> 00:43:12,762 Oh, tough call with the folks, huh? 835 00:43:12,900 --> 00:43:14,281 You know, I can fire up 836 00:43:14,419 --> 00:43:15,627 the downstairs hot tub for you if you'd like. 837 00:43:15,765 --> 00:43:17,111 Oh, no, no, this is fine. 838 00:43:17,249 --> 00:43:18,423 I don't want to put you through any trouble. 839 00:43:18,561 --> 00:43:19,942 [Al] I--It's really no trouble. 840 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:21,668 I mean, there are actually three other Jacuzzis 841 00:43:21,806 --> 00:43:23,359 in the house that are not here in my bedroom. 842 00:43:23,497 --> 00:43:26,880 Oh, that's so sweet of you, but really, I'm good. 843 00:43:27,018 --> 00:43:30,366 You, on the other hand, you don't seem so good. 844 00:43:30,504 --> 00:43:32,679 Do you wanna talk about it? 845 00:43:36,337 --> 00:43:39,444 It's just, my whole life, 846 00:43:39,582 --> 00:43:45,105 all I've wanted is for my father to accept me for who I am. 847 00:43:45,243 --> 00:43:48,522 And I thought if I became this huge success, 848 00:43:48,660 --> 00:43:50,835 that that would change things, but... 849 00:43:50,973 --> 00:43:52,146 Mm. 850 00:43:53,700 --> 00:43:56,979 But he still hates everything about me. 851 00:44:00,016 --> 00:44:02,812 You know, maybe he's right. Maybe parody songs are stupid. 852 00:44:02,950 --> 00:44:06,264 Look, you don't have to write parody songs 853 00:44:06,402 --> 00:44:08,024 if you don't want to. 854 00:44:08,162 --> 00:44:09,854 What? 855 00:44:09,992 --> 00:44:12,270 You look a little hungry. Here, have a snack. 856 00:44:14,513 --> 00:44:18,690 You can write your own songs. 857 00:44:18,828 --> 00:44:20,416 You think I took you under my wing 858 00:44:20,554 --> 00:44:22,832 because you write parody songs? 859 00:44:22,970 --> 00:44:26,353 No, I saw in you a visionary, 860 00:44:26,491 --> 00:44:30,460 an artist who has something to give to the world. 861 00:44:30,598 --> 00:44:32,186 I saw in you something special, 862 00:44:32,324 --> 00:44:35,603 something your father doesn't see 863 00:44:35,742 --> 00:44:38,192 and that even you don't see... 864 00:44:40,332 --> 00:44:41,368 yet. 865 00:44:41,506 --> 00:44:43,197 This guacamole tastes funny. 866 00:44:43,335 --> 00:44:46,891 [Dr. Demento laughs] Of course it does. It's loaded with LSD. 867 00:44:47,029 --> 00:44:48,064 What? 868 00:44:48,202 --> 00:44:50,101 - [laughs] - No! 869 00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:53,794 You need to open your heart and your mind, 870 00:44:53,932 --> 00:44:57,625 face your fears, break your chains, 871 00:44:57,764 --> 00:44:59,524 come with me on a spiritual journey. 872 00:44:59,662 --> 00:45:01,491 Find your source of inspiration! 873 00:45:01,629 --> 00:45:04,736 No, that-that is totally not cool, man. You can't just-- 874 00:45:04,874 --> 00:45:07,670 Whoa, no, what is happening to your head? 875 00:45:07,808 --> 00:45:09,534 That's probably the drugs kicking in. 876 00:45:09,672 --> 00:45:11,639 Just relax and enjoy the ride. 877 00:45:11,778 --> 00:45:14,228 It'll be over in like, ten to 12 hours. 878 00:45:14,366 --> 00:45:17,853 Twelve hours? No, no, no, no, no, no. 879 00:45:17,991 --> 00:45:19,578 [audio distorting] 880 00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:22,202 I'm just gonna close my eyes and when I open them up again, 881 00:45:22,340 --> 00:45:24,273 everything is gonna be completely back to-- 882 00:45:24,411 --> 00:45:26,654 [gasps] 883 00:45:31,590 --> 00:45:33,627 [breathing rapidly] 884 00:45:33,765 --> 00:45:36,457 What in God's name are you doing, boy? 885 00:45:36,595 --> 00:45:38,597 Those aren't the right words! 886 00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:40,841 Please, just stop being who you are 887 00:45:40,979 --> 00:45:42,705 and doing the things you love. 888 00:45:42,843 --> 00:45:46,364 You, Al Yankovic, are the most untalented, 889 00:45:46,502 --> 00:45:50,955 pathetic loser I've ever met in my entire life! 890 00:45:51,093 --> 00:45:54,027 No, no, no, stop it. Leave me alone! 891 00:45:56,995 --> 00:46:01,966 Alfred Yankovic, this is your time. 892 00:46:02,104 --> 00:46:06,004 Believe in yourself, and the song will come to you. 893 00:46:06,142 --> 00:46:07,799 Don't listen to him, boy! 894 00:46:07,937 --> 00:46:10,768 You belong with me, at the factory! 895 00:46:10,906 --> 00:46:14,392 It's your destiny! 896 00:46:14,530 --> 00:46:17,775 [struggling] Aah! No! 897 00:46:17,913 --> 00:46:20,363 [laughing] 898 00:46:25,403 --> 00:46:27,405 Aah! No! 899 00:46:27,543 --> 00:46:31,374 He's losing his power over you, keep going! 900 00:46:31,512 --> 00:46:33,169 I can't! 901 00:46:33,307 --> 00:46:36,414 Maybe you should try a little Cap'n Crunch. 902 00:46:37,622 --> 00:46:39,382 What? 903 00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:41,315 Raisin Bran, perhaps? 904 00:46:42,765 --> 00:46:45,354 No, no! I don't want no Cap'n Crunch! 905 00:46:45,492 --> 00:46:47,252 Don't want no Raisin Bran! 906 00:46:47,390 --> 00:46:51,429 Eat it, just eat it. 907 00:46:51,567 --> 00:46:53,465 I don't understand! 908 00:46:53,603 --> 00:46:56,883 [distorted] Don't you make me repeat it. 909 00:46:57,021 --> 00:46:59,713 [machine clanking] 910 00:46:59,851 --> 00:47:02,026 What's happening to me? 911 00:47:02,164 --> 00:47:05,684 Now you must die in order to be reborn. 912 00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:09,205 No, no! No! 913 00:47:13,623 --> 00:47:16,799 [thunder crashing] 914 00:47:21,390 --> 00:47:24,255 [heart beating] 915 00:47:29,881 --> 00:47:32,401 [playing "Eat It"] 916 00:47:35,991 --> 00:47:37,406 [screaming] 917 00:47:42,376 --> 00:47:43,481 Put it in. 918 00:47:45,483 --> 00:47:48,382 ♪ How come you're always Such a fussy young man ♪ 919 00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,351 ♪ Don't want no Cap'n Crunch Don't want no Raisin Bran ♪ 920 00:47:51,489 --> 00:47:53,698 ♪ Well, don't you know That other kids ♪ 921 00:47:53,836 --> 00:47:54,975 ♪ Are starving in Japan ♪ 922 00:47:55,113 --> 00:47:58,047 ♪ So eat it, just eat it ♪ 923 00:48:00,739 --> 00:48:02,327 I've heard enough. 924 00:48:04,847 --> 00:48:07,091 It's brilliant. 925 00:48:07,229 --> 00:48:09,817 [Ben] Okay, I'm sorry. I don't recognize the tune. 926 00:48:09,956 --> 00:48:11,889 What song are you parodying here? 927 00:48:12,027 --> 00:48:13,891 I'm not parodying anything. 928 00:48:14,029 --> 00:48:15,962 This song is completely original. 929 00:48:16,100 --> 00:48:19,034 Wait, you wrote the words and the music? 930 00:48:19,172 --> 00:48:20,173 That's right. 931 00:48:20,311 --> 00:48:23,279 Okay, just to be perfectly clear, 932 00:48:23,417 --> 00:48:27,870 so you're saying this is not a parody of an existing song, 933 00:48:28,008 --> 00:48:30,252 but an entirely original composition 934 00:48:30,390 --> 00:48:32,461 that you wrote all by yourself? 935 00:48:32,599 --> 00:48:34,083 Yes. 936 00:48:34,221 --> 00:48:36,603 Not based on anybody else's song in any way? 937 00:48:36,741 --> 00:48:38,846 Did I stutter? 938 00:48:40,987 --> 00:48:44,714 I'm tired of people thinking I'm some kind of joke, okay? 939 00:48:44,852 --> 00:48:48,615 I am done writing parody songs. 940 00:48:48,753 --> 00:48:50,134 Done. 941 00:48:50,893 --> 00:48:52,688 From now on, 942 00:48:52,826 --> 00:48:57,589 I am only gonna do completely original music. 943 00:48:57,727 --> 00:49:00,213 Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here. 944 00:49:01,835 --> 00:49:03,009 [cigarette sizzling] 945 00:49:03,147 --> 00:49:07,185 [groaning] 946 00:49:09,739 --> 00:49:12,225 [pained laughter] I totally deserved that. 947 00:49:12,363 --> 00:49:17,057 Well, I am blown away. This is a bold new direction. 948 00:49:17,195 --> 00:49:19,784 I mean, the parody songs were fine, 949 00:49:19,922 --> 00:49:25,134 but you've completely changed the game here. 950 00:49:25,272 --> 00:49:27,550 This is gonna be your biggest hit yet. 951 00:49:27,688 --> 00:49:29,897 [doorbell ringing] 952 00:49:30,036 --> 00:49:34,419 Okay, okay! Hold your horses! 953 00:49:36,835 --> 00:49:38,354 [doorbell continues ringing] 954 00:49:45,983 --> 00:49:47,674 "Weird Al" Yankovic. 955 00:49:47,812 --> 00:49:50,884 Um, do I know you? 956 00:49:51,022 --> 00:49:54,715 Madonna. Ring any bells? 957 00:49:54,853 --> 00:49:58,202 [Al] Oh, right. Madonna. 958 00:49:58,340 --> 00:50:02,378 Yeah, Lucky Star, Holiday, Borderline. 959 00:50:02,516 --> 00:50:04,173 Born in Michigan, Catholic schoolgirl, 960 00:50:04,311 --> 00:50:06,106 dropped outta college and moved to New York City 961 00:50:06,244 --> 00:50:07,970 with nothing but the clothes on your back 962 00:50:08,108 --> 00:50:09,316 and $35 in your pocket. 963 00:50:09,454 --> 00:50:11,698 Maybe it was to become the Queen of Pop. 964 00:50:11,836 --> 00:50:15,115 Maybe it was to get back at Dad for marrying the housekeeper. 965 00:50:16,427 --> 00:50:17,635 Wow. 966 00:50:17,773 --> 00:50:19,809 You know a lot more about me than you let on. 967 00:50:19,947 --> 00:50:24,400 What can I say? I'm full of surprises. [grunts] 968 00:50:24,538 --> 00:50:26,575 [door slamming] 969 00:50:26,713 --> 00:50:30,786 So, what brings you here, Madonna? 970 00:50:30,924 --> 00:50:32,684 Oh, I was in the neighborhood. 971 00:50:32,822 --> 00:50:38,311 Wanted to see if my map to the stars' homes was accurate. 972 00:50:38,449 --> 00:50:41,210 Guess you won't need a refund, then. 973 00:50:41,348 --> 00:50:45,214 Is that, uh, all you wanted? 974 00:50:45,352 --> 00:50:50,392 No, I want a lot of things, 975 00:50:50,530 --> 00:50:52,980 but the truth is, I'm a big fan of yours. 976 00:50:53,119 --> 00:50:55,569 Join the club. 977 00:50:55,707 --> 00:50:59,953 Have you heard my new single, Like a Virgin? 978 00:51:00,091 --> 00:51:01,403 [Al] Oh, I've heard it. 979 00:51:01,541 --> 00:51:06,960 And I'm curious, is that song autobiographical? 980 00:51:07,098 --> 00:51:10,343 Yes. I technically am a virgin, 981 00:51:10,481 --> 00:51:13,760 except for the fact that I've had a lot of sex. 982 00:51:13,898 --> 00:51:16,452 I mean, a lot. 983 00:51:18,005 --> 00:51:19,248 I see. 984 00:51:20,215 --> 00:51:22,838 Anyway, I was wondering 985 00:51:22,976 --> 00:51:25,427 if you were going to do a parody of my song. 986 00:51:26,945 --> 00:51:28,430 Maybe. 987 00:51:28,568 --> 00:51:30,777 I like that. 988 00:51:30,915 --> 00:51:35,230 So, would you like to see the rest of the house? 989 00:51:35,368 --> 00:51:37,542 There's only one room I'm interested in seeing. 990 00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:39,544 Oh, I'm doing some work on the bathroom, 991 00:51:39,682 --> 00:51:41,753 but there's another one downstairs. 992 00:51:41,891 --> 00:51:44,135 Oh, I'm not talking about the bathroom. 993 00:51:44,273 --> 00:51:47,690 Then let me show you to the laundry room. 994 00:51:49,278 --> 00:51:53,558 Al Yankovic, are you playing with me? 995 00:51:55,388 --> 00:51:56,665 Yes? 996 00:51:56,803 --> 00:51:59,426 [moaning] 997 00:52:11,749 --> 00:52:13,682 [statue breaking] 998 00:52:13,820 --> 00:52:16,409 [moaning] 999 00:52:19,929 --> 00:52:23,105 Oh, you're so weird. 1000 00:52:40,329 --> 00:52:43,746 So, are we like, boyfriend and girlfriend now? 1001 00:52:45,610 --> 00:52:48,648 Maybe. [giggles] 1002 00:52:48,786 --> 00:52:52,376 Well, now that things are official, 1003 00:52:52,514 --> 00:52:55,655 I should really be honest with you. 1004 00:52:55,793 --> 00:53:00,798 When I said I might parody one of your songs, I lied. 1005 00:53:04,215 --> 00:53:07,080 So, it's true, what they're saying. 1006 00:53:07,218 --> 00:53:10,117 You're not doing parodies anymore. 1007 00:53:10,256 --> 00:53:11,740 My song Eat It, 1008 00:53:11,878 --> 00:53:14,191 which, as you know, is a hundred percent original, 1009 00:53:14,329 --> 00:53:17,642 is the biggest hit by anybody ever. 1010 00:53:17,780 --> 00:53:20,266 So, I've decided that's all I wanna do from now on. 1011 00:53:20,404 --> 00:53:23,096 Completely original songs. 1012 00:53:26,720 --> 00:53:29,689 See, that's what I love about you. 1013 00:53:29,827 --> 00:53:33,279 You know what you want and you know how to get it. 1014 00:53:35,212 --> 00:53:36,592 Just like me. 1015 00:53:49,536 --> 00:53:52,229 ♪ Just eat it, eat it ♪ 1016 00:53:52,367 --> 00:53:55,439 ♪ Don't you make me repeat it ♪ 1017 00:53:55,577 --> 00:53:58,614 ♪ Have a banana Have a whole bunch ♪ 1018 00:53:58,752 --> 00:54:01,652 ♪ It doesn't matter What you had for lunch ♪ 1019 00:54:01,790 --> 00:54:04,689 ♪ Just eat it, eat it, eat it Eat it ♪ 1020 00:54:04,827 --> 00:54:06,657 ♪ Eat it Eat it, eat it, eat it ♪ 1021 00:54:06,795 --> 00:54:11,455 [laughs] How about that? And I've got some amazing news. 1022 00:54:11,593 --> 00:54:14,147 I've officially gotten the word that we have broken 1023 00:54:14,285 --> 00:54:18,841 the Beatles' record for most singles in the Billboard Top 10. 1024 00:54:19,773 --> 00:54:20,947 Oh. 1025 00:54:24,778 --> 00:54:26,159 Yeah, cool. 1026 00:54:26,297 --> 00:54:27,850 Uh, okay. 1027 00:54:27,988 --> 00:54:32,476 Well, um, we have some very exciting offers pouring in 1028 00:54:32,614 --> 00:54:35,133 that I would love to-- 1029 00:54:35,272 --> 00:54:37,170 - That-- - Oh, that feels good. 1030 00:54:37,308 --> 00:54:38,861 love to discuss with-- 1031 00:54:38,999 --> 00:54:40,138 Love to discuss with you. 1032 00:54:40,277 --> 00:54:41,830 We got some, some great calls. 1033 00:54:41,968 --> 00:54:43,935 - [moaning continues] - Uh, very interesting. 1034 00:54:44,073 --> 00:54:47,732 Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking about getting back together, 1035 00:54:47,870 --> 00:54:49,803 but they say the only way they'll do it 1036 00:54:49,941 --> 00:54:52,047 is if they can open up for you on tour. 1037 00:54:52,185 --> 00:54:53,807 I mean, that's sweet, but yeah. 1038 00:54:53,945 --> 00:54:56,914 I already offered the gig to Howie Mandel, so. 1039 00:54:58,364 --> 00:55:01,539 Okay, yeah. But this is perhaps-- 1040 00:55:01,677 --> 00:55:06,820 Look, I am not bumping Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass. 1041 00:55:06,958 --> 00:55:10,859 Okay. Got it. 1042 00:55:10,997 --> 00:55:14,311 Uh, well, we have another offer, a very serious offer. 1043 00:55:14,449 --> 00:55:18,522 This is to replace Roger Moore in the James Bond franchise. 1044 00:55:18,660 --> 00:55:20,109 - Now this one-- - No! 1045 00:55:20,247 --> 00:55:21,870 No, no, no, I'm not gonna be the new James Bond. 1046 00:55:22,008 --> 00:55:23,872 I'm not gonna be the new Indiana Jones. 1047 00:55:24,010 --> 00:55:27,738 From now on, everything I do has to be completely original. 1048 00:55:27,876 --> 00:55:29,843 How many times have I gotta say that? 1049 00:55:29,981 --> 00:55:33,951 Look, Mr. Pimento, we have places to be. 1050 00:55:34,089 --> 00:55:36,091 How long is this gonna take? 1051 00:55:36,229 --> 00:55:38,542 Not much longer. 1052 00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:40,267 We got another offer for you to play 1053 00:55:40,406 --> 00:55:42,546 Pablo Escobar's 40th birthday party. 1054 00:55:42,684 --> 00:55:44,582 I saw him on the news. He's a really big deal. 1055 00:55:44,720 --> 00:55:47,205 The drug lord? Why is he so obsessed with me? 1056 00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:52,383 And he has upped his offer to three billion pesos. 1057 00:55:52,521 --> 00:55:54,385 I mean, okay, how much is that in American money? 1058 00:55:54,523 --> 00:55:55,800 You know what, never mind. 1059 00:55:55,938 --> 00:55:57,699 I don't feel like doing the math. 1060 00:55:57,837 --> 00:55:59,217 Well, I've done the math and I can assure you-- 1061 00:55:59,356 --> 00:56:01,737 Bup-bup-bup! I can do my own math, 1062 00:56:01,875 --> 00:56:03,946 and I said, I don't want to. Pass. 1063 00:56:05,016 --> 00:56:08,088 Alfy, are you chewing my gum? 1064 00:56:08,226 --> 00:56:10,436 I don't know. Maybe. 1065 00:56:10,574 --> 00:56:12,748 You wanna come get it? 1066 00:56:12,886 --> 00:56:15,406 [moaning] 1067 00:56:21,964 --> 00:56:24,415 [laughing] 1068 00:56:24,553 --> 00:56:26,383 You, you don't think things are moving 1069 00:56:26,521 --> 00:56:27,867 too fast with us, do you? 1070 00:56:28,005 --> 00:56:31,836 Baby, don't be silly. We're soulmates. 1071 00:56:31,974 --> 00:56:35,461 This is true love. When you know, you know. 1072 00:56:35,599 --> 00:56:37,048 You're so right. 1073 00:56:37,186 --> 00:56:41,328 This has been the happiest six hours of my life. 1074 00:56:41,467 --> 00:56:45,367 Mr. Yankovic, you have a phone call at the host stand. 1075 00:56:46,230 --> 00:56:47,887 Excuse me, my love. 1076 00:56:55,481 --> 00:56:56,999 This better be good. 1077 00:56:58,449 --> 00:56:59,830 Well... 1078 00:57:01,210 --> 00:57:03,005 What's going on, Tony? 1079 00:57:03,143 --> 00:57:07,320 Okay, um, I-I thought you should hear it from me first. 1080 00:57:07,458 --> 00:57:12,325 Michael Jackson just released a new single called Beat It. 1081 00:57:12,463 --> 00:57:14,396 It's, um... 1082 00:57:14,534 --> 00:57:16,985 Well, it's-it's a parody of Eat It. 1083 00:57:17,123 --> 00:57:19,781 You mean the kid from the Jackson Five? 1084 00:57:19,919 --> 00:57:22,162 Why is that has-been trying to ride my coattails? 1085 00:57:22,300 --> 00:57:25,062 He actually has a pretty successful solo career now. 1086 00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:26,615 Whatever! You're telling me 1087 00:57:26,753 --> 00:57:28,790 Michael Jackson recorded a parody of my song? 1088 00:57:28,928 --> 00:57:30,377 [Tony] Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 1089 00:57:30,516 --> 00:57:31,827 Same music, different words. 1090 00:57:31,965 --> 00:57:33,588 What kinda sick freak changes the words 1091 00:57:33,726 --> 00:57:35,762 to someone else's song? 1092 00:57:36,625 --> 00:57:38,351 Beat It, huh? 1093 00:57:38,489 --> 00:57:40,249 Wait, so it's about eggs? 1094 00:57:40,387 --> 00:57:41,872 No, no, it's, uh, I don't think it's even about food. 1095 00:57:42,010 --> 00:57:43,943 It's about fighting or... 1096 00:57:44,081 --> 00:57:46,014 trying to avoid a fight? I'm not exactly sure-- 1097 00:57:46,152 --> 00:57:50,087 What gives him the right? Can he even do this? 1098 00:57:50,225 --> 00:57:52,192 I think you're overreacting just a little, okay? 1099 00:57:52,330 --> 00:57:55,057 I mean, this could be great publicity. 1100 00:57:55,195 --> 00:57:56,542 Sell a few more albums. 1101 00:57:56,680 --> 00:57:59,096 No, I don't need to sell more albums, Tony! 1102 00:57:59,234 --> 00:58:01,512 I need people to start taking me seriously 1103 00:58:01,650 --> 00:58:03,652 as an artist that creates original music. 1104 00:58:03,790 --> 00:58:05,585 Now some idiots will probably get confused 1105 00:58:05,723 --> 00:58:08,312 and think Beat It came first! 1106 00:58:08,450 --> 00:58:09,865 Nobody's gonna think that. 1107 00:58:10,003 --> 00:58:12,178 This is a disaster, for the rest of my life now, 1108 00:58:12,316 --> 00:58:14,421 I'm gonna be linked to this Michael Jackson guy. 1109 00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:16,182 And why would that be so bad? 1110 00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:18,322 You know, maybe it's a good thing. I-I think it's an honor. 1111 00:58:18,460 --> 00:58:20,462 Michael's one of the biggest stars in the world. 1112 00:58:22,015 --> 00:58:25,674 [phone slamming repeatedly] 1113 00:58:29,229 --> 00:58:30,507 Everything okay? 1114 00:58:30,645 --> 00:58:32,750 Everything's pretty freaking not okay. 1115 00:58:32,888 --> 00:58:34,407 I finally created something of my own 1116 00:58:34,545 --> 00:58:36,271 and now people are just gonna think I'm ripping off 1117 00:58:36,409 --> 00:58:38,100 "Michael Jackson." 1118 00:58:38,238 --> 00:58:39,930 Your filet? 1119 00:58:40,068 --> 00:58:42,277 - [growls] - [dishes clattering] 1120 00:58:42,415 --> 00:58:44,555 I think I lost my appetite. 1121 00:58:44,693 --> 00:58:47,662 Babe, you seem stressed. You should have a drink. 1122 00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:49,940 I don't really drink. 1123 00:58:50,078 --> 00:58:51,458 If there's one thing I've learned in life, 1124 00:58:51,597 --> 00:58:53,219 the only thing that can clear your head 1125 00:58:53,357 --> 00:58:55,911 and make you feel better is hard alcohol, and lots of it. 1126 00:58:56,049 --> 00:59:00,847 Well, you know me better than anyone. 1127 00:59:02,331 --> 00:59:03,540 I trust you. 1128 00:59:04,748 --> 00:59:06,197 He'll have a whiskey, neat. 1129 00:59:06,335 --> 00:59:08,821 [Al sobbing] 1130 00:59:10,581 --> 00:59:13,860 You know what? Maybe you should bring the whole bottle. 1131 00:59:23,387 --> 00:59:25,941 - [Al laughs] I know, right? - [Madonna laughing] 1132 00:59:26,079 --> 00:59:30,670 Hey, hey. The king is here! Let's get this party started. 1133 00:59:30,808 --> 00:59:34,156 Dude, soundcheck was supposed to start like three hours ago. 1134 00:59:34,294 --> 00:59:39,023 Well, I wasn't here three hours ago, so we're starting now. 1135 00:59:39,161 --> 00:59:40,818 Al, are you drunk? 1136 00:59:40,956 --> 00:59:42,302 [Al] I'm not drunk, you're all drunk. 1137 00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:43,821 No, this is pointless. 1138 00:59:43,959 --> 00:59:46,134 Hey, man, why don't you just get out of here? 1139 00:59:46,272 --> 00:59:48,654 I need to get out of here? You need to get out of here! 1140 00:59:48,792 --> 00:59:50,241 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Guys, guys! 1141 00:59:50,379 --> 00:59:52,830 Al, look, it's the first show of the tour tonight. 1142 00:59:52,968 --> 00:59:54,832 It's kind of a big deal. 1143 00:59:54,970 --> 00:59:56,282 Do you think you could maybe not screw this up for everybody? 1144 00:59:56,420 --> 00:59:59,388 Oh, what-what-what are you gonna do, fire me? 1145 00:59:59,526 --> 01:00:02,737 You guys are nothing without me. 1146 01:00:02,875 --> 01:00:05,671 Yeah, I could replace you with a drum machine 1147 01:00:05,809 --> 01:00:09,536 and you with a guitar machine 1148 01:00:09,675 --> 01:00:12,022 and you with a... 1149 01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:13,989 I don't know, with some other machine. 1150 01:00:14,127 --> 01:00:16,578 You're all just a bunch of normals, okay, 1151 01:00:16,716 --> 01:00:20,651 I'm the weird one! I am the weird one! 1152 01:00:26,415 --> 01:00:29,626 Okay. That's it. 1153 01:00:37,254 --> 01:00:40,015 You've changed, man. 1154 01:00:40,153 --> 01:00:43,225 - Fame's really gotten to you. - [mocking mumbling] 1155 01:00:43,363 --> 01:00:45,055 Wow. 1156 01:00:48,092 --> 01:00:49,680 Look, just get yourself cleaned up 1157 01:00:49,818 --> 01:00:51,613 for the show tonight, all right? 1158 01:00:55,065 --> 01:00:56,963 - You're a mess. - Yeah. 1159 01:01:02,797 --> 01:01:04,522 They seem nice. 1160 01:01:04,661 --> 01:01:05,869 Yeah, they're great. 1161 01:01:07,871 --> 01:01:10,839 - Al? - Oh, what do you want? 1162 01:01:10,977 --> 01:01:12,979 Can I talk to you for a minute? 1163 01:01:15,568 --> 01:01:16,673 Privately? 1164 01:01:16,811 --> 01:01:18,053 Look, anything you wanna say to me, 1165 01:01:18,191 --> 01:01:20,677 you can say in front of my girlfriend. 1166 01:01:21,954 --> 01:01:24,819 [sighs] Okay, fine. 1167 01:01:24,957 --> 01:01:26,579 I think Madonna's a bad influence on you. 1168 01:01:26,717 --> 01:01:29,478 [scoffs] I think she's an evil, conniving succubus, 1169 01:01:29,616 --> 01:01:32,516 and she's only using you for her pathetic and selfish needs. 1170 01:01:32,654 --> 01:01:34,207 - What? - No offense. 1171 01:01:34,345 --> 01:01:38,487 She only wants you for that sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump. 1172 01:01:38,625 --> 01:01:40,144 She knows her record sales 1173 01:01:40,282 --> 01:01:42,319 will go through the roof if you parody her. 1174 01:01:42,457 --> 01:01:44,217 How dare you. 1175 01:01:44,355 --> 01:01:48,601 This woman is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. 1176 01:01:48,739 --> 01:01:52,605 And besides, I already told her I'm not doing any more, um... 1177 01:01:52,743 --> 01:01:55,470 Any more... The thing you said. 1178 01:01:55,608 --> 01:01:57,265 - Song parodies. - Song parodies! 1179 01:01:57,403 --> 01:01:58,956 You're so drunk right now, 1180 01:01:59,094 --> 01:02:01,200 I bet you couldn't even give her that Yankovic Bump. 1181 01:02:01,338 --> 01:02:02,891 That's not true! 1182 01:02:03,029 --> 01:02:04,997 That's not true, I'll come up with that song parody right now. 1183 01:02:05,135 --> 01:02:08,483 Instead of "Like a Virgin," it'll be "Like a..." 1184 01:02:08,621 --> 01:02:09,967 Like a... 1185 01:02:11,762 --> 01:02:13,212 Like a... 1186 01:02:13,350 --> 01:02:15,317 Shut up, it's impossible! Nothing rhymes with virgin. 1187 01:02:15,455 --> 01:02:17,630 Al, listen. 1188 01:02:17,768 --> 01:02:19,183 You gotta take care of yourself. 1189 01:02:19,321 --> 01:02:21,116 When she's done with you, she's gonna drop you 1190 01:02:21,254 --> 01:02:22,911 like a sack of spoiled cabbage. 1191 01:02:23,049 --> 01:02:25,396 No, no, shut up, shut up! You're not my dad. 1192 01:02:25,534 --> 01:02:29,055 You think you're my dad, but you are not my dad. 1193 01:02:32,231 --> 01:02:34,405 [Madonna] Baby? Baby, where are you going? 1194 01:02:34,543 --> 01:02:36,822 I'm goin' for a drive to clear my mind, on my own. 1195 01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:40,826 No, no, no, no, no. You cannot go. 1196 01:02:42,828 --> 01:02:44,450 Without your car keys. 1197 01:02:44,588 --> 01:02:48,040 [exhales] Thank you so much. 1198 01:03:02,848 --> 01:03:04,401 [radio DJ] Well, we can't wait. 1199 01:03:04,539 --> 01:03:06,921 Weird Al hits the stage at Joe Robbie Stadium 1200 01:03:07,059 --> 01:03:08,819 tonight at eight o'clock, 1201 01:03:08,957 --> 01:03:10,648 and it's gonna be off the chain. 1202 01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:12,202 One for the history-- 1203 01:03:12,340 --> 01:03:14,583 - ♪ Just eat it, eat it ♪ - [grunts] 1204 01:03:14,721 --> 01:03:17,621 ♪ Another one rides the bus... ♪ 1205 01:03:17,759 --> 01:03:19,796 ♪ M-M-M-My bologna... ♪ 1206 01:03:19,934 --> 01:03:21,452 [groaning] 1207 01:03:21,590 --> 01:03:23,247 ♪ Have another triple scoop With me... ♪ 1208 01:03:23,385 --> 01:03:25,318 [radio DJ] Well, that was multi-platinum recording artist 1209 01:03:25,456 --> 01:03:27,838 "Weird Al" Yankovic with I Love Rocky Road, 1210 01:03:27,976 --> 01:03:31,738 and my god, have you ever seen a more durable pop artist? 1211 01:03:31,877 --> 01:03:33,223 Anything you throw at this guy, 1212 01:03:33,361 --> 01:03:35,639 he just seems capable of surviving it. 1213 01:03:35,777 --> 01:03:38,435 I'll bet he could land a plane into a volcano 1214 01:03:38,573 --> 01:03:41,196 - and still come out-- - [horn blaring] 1215 01:03:41,334 --> 01:03:44,337 [car crashing] 1216 01:03:44,475 --> 01:03:48,203 [overlapping chatter] 1217 01:03:51,517 --> 01:03:54,969 [monitor flatlining] 1218 01:03:57,972 --> 01:03:59,490 Dammit. 1219 01:04:01,699 --> 01:04:04,047 All right, nurse, let's call it. 1220 01:04:05,738 --> 01:04:07,705 Time of death: 7:30-- 1221 01:04:07,844 --> 01:04:10,639 [screaming] 1222 01:04:10,777 --> 01:04:12,158 [panting] 1223 01:04:12,296 --> 01:04:13,746 Quick! 1224 01:04:13,884 --> 01:04:15,679 I need some paper and a number two pencil. 1225 01:04:15,817 --> 01:04:17,301 Here you go, baby. 1226 01:04:17,439 --> 01:04:19,269 Excuse me, miss, he's in no condition to be doing-- 1227 01:04:19,407 --> 01:04:23,031 Look, there's no time, okay? He's got a show in 30 minutes. 1228 01:04:23,169 --> 01:04:25,827 - All right. - ["Like a Surgeon" plays] 1229 01:04:25,965 --> 01:04:28,209 Better give me all your gauze, nurse. 1230 01:04:30,038 --> 01:04:31,557 [audience cheering] 1231 01:04:31,695 --> 01:04:34,974 ♪ I finally made it through Med school ♪ 1232 01:04:35,112 --> 01:04:39,772 ♪ Somehow I made it through ♪ 1233 01:04:39,910 --> 01:04:41,222 ♪ I'm just an intern ♪ 1234 01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:45,502 ♪ I still make a mistake Or two ♪ 1235 01:04:46,883 --> 01:04:50,403 ♪ I was last in my class ♪ 1236 01:04:50,541 --> 01:04:54,062 ♪ Barely passed At the institute ♪ 1237 01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:58,135 ♪ Now I'm trying to avoid ♪ 1238 01:04:58,273 --> 01:05:01,621 ♪ Yeah, I'm trying to avoid ♪ 1239 01:05:01,759 --> 01:05:04,245 ♪ A malpractice suit ♪ 1240 01:05:05,971 --> 01:05:09,077 ♪ Like a surgeon, hey! ♪ 1241 01:05:09,215 --> 01:05:12,391 ♪ Cuttin' For the very first time ♪ 1242 01:05:12,529 --> 01:05:13,426 Yes! 1243 01:05:13,564 --> 01:05:17,085 ♪ Like a surgeon ♪ 1244 01:05:17,223 --> 01:05:21,779 ♪ Here's a waiver For you to sign ♪ 1245 01:05:21,918 --> 01:05:25,956 [monitor beeping] 1246 01:05:28,165 --> 01:05:31,858 This is all for you, babe. I love you so much. 1247 01:05:32,756 --> 01:05:34,102 I think I should have 1248 01:05:34,240 --> 01:05:35,828 stuck around for that blood transfusion, though. 1249 01:05:35,966 --> 01:05:37,968 - I think I'm gonna pass out. - No, babe, you're killing it. 1250 01:05:38,106 --> 01:05:40,281 - Now get back out there. - Okay. 1251 01:05:44,009 --> 01:05:46,114 ♪ Like a surgeon ♪ 1252 01:05:46,252 --> 01:05:50,187 ♪ Ooh-hoo, like a surgeon ♪ 1253 01:05:50,325 --> 01:05:53,639 ♪ When I reach inside ♪ 1254 01:05:53,777 --> 01:05:57,539 ♪ With my scalpel And my forceps ♪ 1255 01:05:57,677 --> 01:06:02,303 ♪ And retractors Oh-ho-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1256 01:06:02,441 --> 01:06:07,964 - ♪ Oh-oh-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho ♪ - [monitor beeping] 1257 01:06:10,173 --> 01:06:14,073 ♪ Ooh, baby, yeah ♪ 1258 01:06:14,211 --> 01:06:16,593 ♪ I can hear your heart beat ♪ 1259 01:06:18,353 --> 01:06:20,355 ♪ For the very last time ♪ 1260 01:06:20,493 --> 01:06:24,428 - [monitor flatlining] - [audience cheering] 1261 01:06:29,778 --> 01:06:33,368 Okay, babe, you have a costume change, one more song, 1262 01:06:33,506 --> 01:06:35,405 and then we can go home and sleep it off. 1263 01:06:35,543 --> 01:06:36,647 [Al] Okay. 1264 01:06:41,066 --> 01:06:42,343 No, no, no, no. 1265 01:06:42,481 --> 01:06:44,069 What-what is that? I'm not wearing that. 1266 01:06:44,207 --> 01:06:45,587 It's your Eat It jacket, babe. 1267 01:06:45,725 --> 01:06:46,899 No, not anymore, it's not. 1268 01:06:47,037 --> 01:06:48,625 That is a Michael Jackson jacket now. 1269 01:06:48,763 --> 01:06:50,282 I don't wanna see it. Get that outta my face. 1270 01:06:50,420 --> 01:06:52,042 You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. 1271 01:06:52,180 --> 01:06:55,390 Now just drink up. Yeah, that's good, yeah. 1272 01:06:55,528 --> 01:06:58,531 Little more, little more. That's the medicine. 1273 01:06:58,669 --> 01:07:00,050 [audience cheering] 1274 01:07:00,188 --> 01:07:02,535 ["Eat It" playing] 1275 01:07:24,350 --> 01:07:26,111 [music fades out] 1276 01:07:26,249 --> 01:07:28,699 [audience booing] 1277 01:07:32,013 --> 01:07:36,638 Boo, boo, boo, boo! 1278 01:07:36,776 --> 01:07:41,471 Yeah, that's what you sound like. Boo! 1279 01:07:41,609 --> 01:07:44,957 Oh, what? You want, do you wanna hear Eat It? 1280 01:07:45,095 --> 01:07:46,269 - [audience cheering] - Do you? 1281 01:07:46,407 --> 01:07:49,444 Okay, here goes. [blows raspberry] 1282 01:07:49,582 --> 01:07:52,516 [audience booing] 1283 01:07:54,932 --> 01:07:58,143 You're all a bunch of slaves! 1284 01:07:58,281 --> 01:07:59,730 - You're morons. - [audience booing] 1285 01:07:59,868 --> 01:08:02,285 Idiots! 1286 01:08:02,423 --> 01:08:05,564 Oh, what, what, you paid good money to see a show? 1287 01:08:05,702 --> 01:08:09,568 You worked your little butts off at some dangerous factory? 1288 01:08:09,706 --> 01:08:13,813 God only knows what they make there! 1289 01:08:13,951 --> 01:08:16,092 No one will tell you that. 1290 01:08:18,266 --> 01:08:20,303 [guitar strumming gently] 1291 01:08:20,441 --> 01:08:23,685 What do they make in the factory? 1292 01:08:23,823 --> 01:08:25,653 What do they make? 1293 01:08:27,655 --> 01:08:31,314 Do you like getting pushed around? 1294 01:08:31,452 --> 01:08:33,868 You like letting everybody push you around? 1295 01:08:34,006 --> 01:08:38,562 Yeah, I think you do. I think you like it. 1296 01:08:38,700 --> 01:08:42,014 You like letting your dad push you around? 1297 01:08:42,152 --> 01:08:43,533 [audience] No! 1298 01:08:43,671 --> 01:08:46,329 You like letting Michael Jackson push you around? 1299 01:08:46,467 --> 01:08:50,160 - [audience] No! - [psychedelic rock music] 1300 01:08:50,298 --> 01:08:53,853 Well, what are you gonna do about it? 1301 01:08:53,991 --> 01:08:56,270 What are you gonna do about it? 1302 01:08:56,408 --> 01:09:00,377 - [audience cheering] - What are you gonna do? 1303 01:09:03,518 --> 01:09:07,039 So... you wanna see it? 1304 01:09:07,177 --> 01:09:10,732 - [audience cheering] - [chuckles] 1305 01:09:10,870 --> 01:09:13,079 Do you want me to show it to you? 1306 01:09:13,218 --> 01:09:15,841 [audience cheering] 1307 01:09:15,979 --> 01:09:17,912 I'm gonna whip it out! 1308 01:09:18,050 --> 01:09:20,294 [audience cheering] 1309 01:09:20,432 --> 01:09:22,434 You don't think I'll do it, do you? 1310 01:09:22,572 --> 01:09:25,644 I haven't whipped it out yet but I'm gonna do it for you, 1311 01:09:25,782 --> 01:09:29,130 but only if you really want me to. 1312 01:09:29,268 --> 01:09:31,822 [audience cheering] 1313 01:09:31,960 --> 01:09:34,480 Okay, here goes! 1314 01:09:36,137 --> 01:09:37,794 Yeah! 1315 01:09:37,932 --> 01:09:39,485 [crowd cheering] 1316 01:09:39,623 --> 01:09:42,626 - [psychedelic rock music] - [Al] Get off me! Get off me! 1317 01:09:46,906 --> 01:09:48,908 [reporter] We're sorry to interrupt 1318 01:09:49,046 --> 01:09:51,221 the President's address, but we have breaking news. 1319 01:09:51,359 --> 01:09:54,086 Parody songsmith "Weird Al" Yankovic 1320 01:09:54,224 --> 01:09:55,674 was arrested earlier tonight 1321 01:09:55,812 --> 01:09:58,711 in Miami-Dade County for lewd behavior. 1322 01:09:58,849 --> 01:10:01,542 [crowd yelling] 1323 01:10:04,752 --> 01:10:06,685 [Madonna] Okay. Here's my thought. 1324 01:10:06,823 --> 01:10:09,135 I think this is a really great idea, I hope you like it. 1325 01:10:09,274 --> 01:10:10,861 We team up, right? 1326 01:10:10,999 --> 01:10:13,312 I'll write all the, you know, good songs, the real ones, 1327 01:10:13,450 --> 01:10:15,832 and then you parody them every time. 1328 01:10:15,970 --> 01:10:18,179 Bam, bam. It's perfect. 1329 01:10:19,836 --> 01:10:21,217 Sounds great. 1330 01:10:21,355 --> 01:10:22,666 It's foolproof, we'll be unstoppable. 1331 01:10:22,804 --> 01:10:24,116 We'll be the hottest power couple 1332 01:10:24,254 --> 01:10:25,807 in the entire music industry. 1333 01:10:25,945 --> 01:10:27,706 What would our power couple name be? 1334 01:10:27,844 --> 01:10:32,124 I'm thinking Madankovic or Madonnavic 1335 01:10:32,262 --> 01:10:36,439 or maybe just Madonna. 1336 01:10:36,577 --> 01:10:38,751 There'll be plenty of time to figure all of that out. 1337 01:10:38,889 --> 01:10:40,960 But can you imagine the world tour? 1338 01:10:41,098 --> 01:10:45,517 Madonna... with Weird Al. 1339 01:10:45,655 --> 01:10:49,245 All that money? I just got the tingles. 1340 01:10:51,799 --> 01:10:54,629 But I mean, you're okay with all of this, right? 1341 01:10:55,492 --> 01:10:57,218 Look, babe, I'm-- 1342 01:10:58,668 --> 01:11:03,431 I'm seriously okay with anything you wanna do. 1343 01:11:03,569 --> 01:11:07,366 I mean, look at me. I'm a train wreck. 1344 01:11:07,504 --> 01:11:10,335 I'm barely holding it together. 1345 01:11:10,473 --> 01:11:13,165 My parents wrote me off. 1346 01:11:13,303 --> 01:11:17,307 I pushed away my band, Dr. Demento, 1347 01:11:17,445 --> 01:11:19,896 everyone who was important to me. 1348 01:11:22,312 --> 01:11:24,452 You're all I got. 1349 01:11:24,590 --> 01:11:27,731 You are literally the only thing I have left in the world, 1350 01:11:27,869 --> 01:11:32,426 and if anything happened to you, I don't know what I would do. 1351 01:11:32,564 --> 01:11:34,255 [muffled screaming] 1352 01:11:34,393 --> 01:11:37,362 No, no! No! 1353 01:11:37,500 --> 01:11:39,743 Relax, Mr. Yankovic. 1354 01:11:39,881 --> 01:11:41,538 We only wanna borrow your girlfriend. 1355 01:11:41,676 --> 01:11:44,507 Just stay calm and nothing will happen to you. 1356 01:11:44,645 --> 01:11:47,648 Please, sir, please. Whatever you do-- 1357 01:11:47,786 --> 01:11:49,615 [gun firing] 1358 01:11:49,753 --> 01:11:51,203 [thug screaming] 1359 01:11:51,341 --> 01:11:52,929 Don't hurt me. 1360 01:11:53,964 --> 01:11:55,172 [grunts] 1361 01:11:55,311 --> 01:11:57,347 - Help me! - Madonna! 1362 01:11:57,485 --> 01:12:01,075 [thugs screaming] 1363 01:12:01,213 --> 01:12:03,767 - [Al] Hiya! - [table breaks] 1364 01:12:03,905 --> 01:12:06,011 [grunting] 1365 01:12:12,604 --> 01:12:14,847 [electricity sparking] 1366 01:12:14,985 --> 01:12:16,435 [thug growling] 1367 01:12:16,573 --> 01:12:19,300 [dish breaking] 1368 01:12:19,438 --> 01:12:22,855 [yelling] 1369 01:12:22,993 --> 01:12:25,375 [towel snapping] 1370 01:12:25,513 --> 01:12:27,791 [grunting] 1371 01:12:37,525 --> 01:12:39,941 [pan clanging] 1372 01:12:47,432 --> 01:12:50,676 - [sizzling] - Die, die! 1373 01:12:52,747 --> 01:12:55,509 - [bell dinging] - Order up. 1374 01:12:57,269 --> 01:13:00,030 Pablo Escobar sends his regards! 1375 01:13:00,168 --> 01:13:03,689 [tires screeching] 1376 01:13:07,106 --> 01:13:11,352 Pablo Escobar, you just made the biggest mistake of your life. 1377 01:13:11,490 --> 01:13:14,390 [breathes deeply] 1378 01:13:20,775 --> 01:13:22,398 Getting eaten alive out here! 1379 01:13:24,089 --> 01:13:25,504 Got a smoke? 1380 01:13:26,505 --> 01:13:28,058 Yeah. 1381 01:13:28,196 --> 01:13:29,508 Here you go. 1382 01:13:33,201 --> 01:13:34,133 [high-pitched whistling] 1383 01:13:34,271 --> 01:13:35,480 You hear that? 1384 01:13:35,618 --> 01:13:38,103 Yeah. I think it came from over there. 1385 01:13:53,359 --> 01:13:54,637 Over there! 1386 01:13:59,435 --> 01:14:00,608 We got him. 1387 01:14:09,548 --> 01:14:10,653 Wait a second. 1388 01:14:13,759 --> 01:14:15,036 This isn't a man. 1389 01:14:16,590 --> 01:14:18,695 It's a hay boy! 1390 01:14:18,833 --> 01:14:20,525 - [guard grunting] - [gun firing] 1391 01:14:20,663 --> 01:14:22,181 [neck snapping] 1392 01:14:24,701 --> 01:14:26,427 [gun cocking] 1393 01:14:27,946 --> 01:14:29,637 This'll do. 1394 01:14:29,775 --> 01:14:32,744 [Mariachi music playing] 1395 01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:46,861 So, then I'm stomping on him and stomping him with my boots, 1396 01:14:46,999 --> 01:14:48,622 and he's calling for his mom and I'm like, 1397 01:14:48,760 --> 01:14:50,762 "Stop being so extra." You know, it's like-- 1398 01:14:50,900 --> 01:14:53,385 [gasping] Oh, my goodness! 1399 01:14:53,523 --> 01:14:54,973 Ha-ha! That better not be vanilla. 1400 01:14:55,111 --> 01:14:56,353 Who was it? 1401 01:14:56,492 --> 01:14:58,908 - No, who was it? - [Al] Escobar! 1402 01:14:59,046 --> 01:15:01,945 Oh, Mr. Yankovic. 1403 01:15:02,083 --> 01:15:05,155 We've been expecting you. Welcome, welcome. 1404 01:15:05,293 --> 01:15:09,574 As you know, I am a huge, huge fan of your music. 1405 01:15:09,712 --> 01:15:12,956 I got all of your albums through the Columbia House Record Club. 1406 01:15:13,094 --> 01:15:16,512 Twelve for one penny, you guys. Really great deal. 1407 01:15:16,650 --> 01:15:17,961 Really great deal. 1408 01:15:18,099 --> 01:15:21,827 Anyway, I--Oops. I hope you will forgive me 1409 01:15:21,965 --> 01:15:23,898 for kidnapping your lovely girlfriend. 1410 01:15:24,036 --> 01:15:26,522 It just seemed like that was the only way 1411 01:15:26,660 --> 01:15:29,973 to guarantee that you would come to my birthday party. 1412 01:15:30,111 --> 01:15:31,837 Your agent, oy, 1413 01:15:31,975 --> 01:15:33,563 a real nightmare to deal with, if I'm gonna be honest. 1414 01:15:33,701 --> 01:15:35,254 Real vicious guy. 1415 01:15:35,392 --> 01:15:37,463 You know, I'm sorry. Let me turn down the music, please. 1416 01:15:37,602 --> 01:15:39,051 Just a little annoying, yeah. 1417 01:15:39,189 --> 01:15:40,466 [gun firing] 1418 01:15:40,605 --> 01:15:42,952 [Mariachi band shouting] 1419 01:15:45,092 --> 01:15:47,508 [laughs] I can hear myself think now. 1420 01:15:47,646 --> 01:15:49,786 It's so noisy up in there. Aah, the voices. [chuckles] 1421 01:15:49,924 --> 01:15:52,409 Oh. Oh, where are my manners? 1422 01:15:52,548 --> 01:15:54,239 We were just about to cut the cake. 1423 01:15:54,377 --> 01:15:55,689 May I offer you a slice? 1424 01:15:55,827 --> 01:15:57,242 Let's get him a slice, please. 1425 01:15:57,380 --> 01:15:59,037 No. No cake. 1426 01:15:59,175 --> 01:16:01,764 Okay, Mr. Diet. [laughing] 1427 01:16:01,902 --> 01:16:03,110 More for us, am I right? 1428 01:16:03,248 --> 01:16:06,285 I just want my woman, then I'll go. 1429 01:16:07,701 --> 01:16:11,325 Ah, you want your woman. Okay. 1430 01:16:11,463 --> 01:16:16,019 [sniffs] I'm afraid that's not how it works, Mr. Yankovic. 1431 01:16:16,157 --> 01:16:19,022 You see, you can't leave until you perform for me. 1432 01:16:19,160 --> 01:16:21,059 - Do you understand me? - No dice. 1433 01:16:21,197 --> 01:16:23,648 Not gonna happen. I'm not your monkey. 1434 01:16:23,786 --> 01:16:24,994 I can do Borderline. 1435 01:16:25,132 --> 01:16:27,583 No, I don't want that. I want him. 1436 01:16:27,721 --> 01:16:30,896 Mr. Yankovic, why-why all the drama? 1437 01:16:31,034 --> 01:16:33,002 I mean, you're already here. 1438 01:16:33,140 --> 01:16:36,557 Just perform one measly song for us and then you guys can leave. 1439 01:16:36,695 --> 01:16:39,836 Come on, just one song, no? 1440 01:16:39,974 --> 01:16:42,598 How about that wonderful 1441 01:16:42,736 --> 01:16:45,290 Michael Jackson parody that you did, huh? 1442 01:16:46,532 --> 01:16:49,605 That's not a parody! 1443 01:16:49,743 --> 01:16:55,058 - [indistinct shouting] - [screams] 1444 01:16:55,196 --> 01:16:57,889 [guns firing] 1445 01:17:16,010 --> 01:17:20,049 Stop! Stop! It's my birthday! Stop it! Stop it! 1446 01:17:22,465 --> 01:17:25,157 Well, first off, rude. Okay? 1447 01:17:25,295 --> 01:17:27,021 And second of all, if you really, 1448 01:17:27,159 --> 01:17:29,575 really don't wanna entertain us, then fine. 1449 01:17:29,714 --> 01:17:31,301 You can just leave. 1450 01:17:33,131 --> 01:17:36,652 Wait, so, so we can just go? 1451 01:17:36,790 --> 01:17:39,758 Yeah, you can go whenever you want. 1452 01:17:40,483 --> 01:17:42,209 Psych! 1453 01:17:42,347 --> 01:17:44,142 No! 1454 01:17:44,936 --> 01:17:47,697 [Madonna crying] 1455 01:17:48,733 --> 01:17:50,320 Very unfortunate. 1456 01:17:50,458 --> 01:17:54,497 He was like a God among men, and now just worm food. 1457 01:17:54,635 --> 01:17:56,188 Tsk, tsk, tsk. 1458 01:17:56,326 --> 01:17:59,398 Anyway, back to the party. Should we cut the cake or...? 1459 01:17:59,536 --> 01:18:01,711 [Al grunts] 1460 01:18:01,849 --> 01:18:05,370 Hey, Pablo, you forgot one thing. 1461 01:18:07,199 --> 01:18:09,029 I'm certified platinum. 1462 01:18:11,997 --> 01:18:13,447 Hey, Escobar. 1463 01:18:14,482 --> 01:18:15,794 Eat it. 1464 01:18:15,932 --> 01:18:18,141 [groaning] 1465 01:18:24,044 --> 01:18:26,667 Okay, let's get outta here. 1466 01:18:26,805 --> 01:18:29,843 [groaning] 1467 01:18:29,981 --> 01:18:32,328 I just gotta get this medallion. 1468 01:18:32,466 --> 01:18:37,298 Okay. [grunts] Oh, it's in there. Ah. 1469 01:18:37,436 --> 01:18:41,026 Oh, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross! 1470 01:18:45,237 --> 01:18:46,756 You just killed Pablo Escobar! 1471 01:18:46,894 --> 01:18:49,690 I know! I've killed so many people this week. 1472 01:18:49,828 --> 01:18:53,452 Before last Thursday, I never really killed anyone. 1473 01:18:53,590 --> 01:18:57,456 The things we do for love, huh? Okay, come on. We gotta go. 1474 01:18:57,594 --> 01:19:01,426 Well, now, wait, wait, wait, hear me out here. 1475 01:19:01,564 --> 01:19:05,568 With Escobar out of the picture, maybe... 1476 01:19:05,706 --> 01:19:07,397 maybe we can run the drug cartel. 1477 01:19:07,535 --> 01:19:08,882 Wait, what? 1478 01:19:09,020 --> 01:19:10,953 Supply and demand, baby. 1479 01:19:11,091 --> 01:19:13,645 Look, someone's gotta run the cartel. 1480 01:19:13,783 --> 01:19:15,474 May as well be me. Us. 1481 01:19:15,612 --> 01:19:18,374 You can't be serious. What about all our plans? 1482 01:19:18,512 --> 01:19:20,721 Writing songs together, touring together. 1483 01:19:20,859 --> 01:19:23,828 Why rule the music industry when you can rule the world? 1484 01:19:23,966 --> 01:19:26,865 All the money and power is right here. 1485 01:19:27,003 --> 01:19:29,281 Madonna, that's... 1486 01:19:29,419 --> 01:19:31,180 No. No way. 1487 01:19:31,318 --> 01:19:35,356 My life is in America, and my family would never forgive me 1488 01:19:35,494 --> 01:19:37,496 if I became involved in a drug cartel. 1489 01:19:37,634 --> 01:19:40,499 Well, your family's already disowned you, Al. 1490 01:19:40,637 --> 01:19:43,779 I'm all you've got, remember? 1491 01:19:43,917 --> 01:19:46,195 And we'll still be together. 1492 01:19:46,333 --> 01:19:49,060 I'll be the head of the cartel, 1493 01:19:49,198 --> 01:19:51,096 and you can be my number two. 1494 01:19:52,857 --> 01:19:54,099 Your number two. 1495 01:19:56,515 --> 01:20:00,726 I can't believe this. Dr. Demento was right. 1496 01:20:00,865 --> 01:20:02,383 You were just using me 1497 01:20:02,521 --> 01:20:04,420 to further your own career, weren't you? 1498 01:20:06,698 --> 01:20:09,770 Well... yeah. 1499 01:20:11,220 --> 01:20:14,257 My relationship with you was a business decision... 1500 01:20:14,395 --> 01:20:15,949 and so is this. 1501 01:20:16,087 --> 01:20:18,952 It's all just business. 1502 01:20:21,644 --> 01:20:22,852 Wow. 1503 01:20:24,992 --> 01:20:28,340 Well, okay, then. 1504 01:20:30,101 --> 01:20:32,862 I guess--I guess that's it. 1505 01:20:38,419 --> 01:20:39,973 Have a nice life. 1506 01:20:48,395 --> 01:20:49,430 Whoa! 1507 01:20:51,122 --> 01:20:54,711 I can't let you leave, Al. You know too much. 1508 01:20:54,850 --> 01:20:56,437 What are you talking about? 1509 01:20:57,887 --> 01:21:00,062 Stop that! 1510 01:21:00,200 --> 01:21:03,375 We could have made such a beautiful team, 1511 01:21:03,513 --> 01:21:04,998 and you know what? 1512 01:21:05,136 --> 01:21:07,345 I decided I do like Weirdonna better than Madonnavic. 1513 01:21:09,036 --> 01:21:11,349 But that's all over now. 1514 01:21:11,487 --> 01:21:15,111 Our partnership is officially dissolved. 1515 01:21:17,976 --> 01:21:19,529 Goodbye, Madonna. 1516 01:21:25,673 --> 01:21:27,848 [crying] 1517 01:21:38,307 --> 01:21:41,758 [Al] Yeah. I had a lot of soul-searching to do. 1518 01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:45,417 Was I a parody singer? An original artist? 1519 01:21:45,555 --> 01:21:48,179 The most dangerous assassin in the world? 1520 01:21:48,317 --> 01:21:50,422 Maybe I had lost my way. 1521 01:21:50,560 --> 01:21:52,148 Don't get me wrong, there were things 1522 01:21:52,286 --> 01:21:54,426 I loved about being Weird Al. 1523 01:21:54,564 --> 01:21:56,256 The fame, the money, 1524 01:21:56,394 --> 01:21:59,052 the fancy dinners, joining the Illuminati, 1525 01:21:59,190 --> 01:22:01,675 going to the Illuminati holiday party, 1526 01:22:01,813 --> 01:22:05,334 learning the truth about the moon landing and JFK. 1527 01:22:05,472 --> 01:22:09,165 But without my family, none of that mattered. 1528 01:22:09,303 --> 01:22:11,512 I knew what I had to do. 1529 01:22:20,936 --> 01:22:22,661 [clock rings] 1530 01:22:27,011 --> 01:22:29,185 There it is, pretty simple. 1531 01:22:30,876 --> 01:22:35,157 When the light turns green, you turn this crank to the left. 1532 01:22:35,295 --> 01:22:39,471 When it turns red, you stop and pull this lever down. 1533 01:22:39,609 --> 01:22:42,578 When it turns green again, you push this lever up 1534 01:22:42,716 --> 01:22:46,340 and turn this crank back to the right. 1535 01:22:46,478 --> 01:22:50,137 Yep, that's about it. Lunch is at 12:30. 1536 01:22:51,759 --> 01:22:53,382 Hey, can I ask you a question? 1537 01:22:54,417 --> 01:22:55,625 Sure. 1538 01:22:57,075 --> 01:23:00,009 What do we make here? 1539 01:23:00,147 --> 01:23:04,531 [laughs] Your old man said you was funny. 1540 01:23:04,669 --> 01:23:07,913 That's a good one. "What do we make here?" 1541 01:23:08,052 --> 01:23:09,985 [laughs] 1542 01:23:15,818 --> 01:23:17,199 [dings] 1543 01:23:18,062 --> 01:23:20,754 [crank squeaking] 1544 01:23:20,892 --> 01:23:24,620 [workers shouting indistinctly] 1545 01:23:25,759 --> 01:23:27,002 [dings] 1546 01:23:37,702 --> 01:23:40,877 [worker screaming] Somebody help! My leg! 1547 01:23:41,016 --> 01:23:42,293 Oh, uh... 1548 01:23:42,431 --> 01:23:46,573 [worker] It's burning me! Oh, my leg! 1549 01:23:46,711 --> 01:23:50,094 Ahh! Ahh! It burns! 1550 01:23:52,475 --> 01:23:53,890 Hey. 1551 01:23:54,029 --> 01:23:56,065 [woman over PA] Cleanup crew to machine room. 1552 01:23:56,203 --> 01:23:57,998 You got a minute? 1553 01:23:58,136 --> 01:24:00,656 Well, what? 1554 01:24:02,692 --> 01:24:05,247 You want to take a swing, old man? 1555 01:24:08,560 --> 01:24:09,734 No. 1556 01:24:11,977 --> 01:24:16,775 Just... what are you doing here? 1557 01:24:16,913 --> 01:24:20,124 What am I doing here? Really? 1558 01:24:21,608 --> 01:24:24,369 All my life, all I wanted to do is please you, 1559 01:24:24,507 --> 01:24:26,233 but I was never enough. 1560 01:24:26,371 --> 01:24:29,340 You were always disappointed in your "weird" son. 1561 01:24:29,478 --> 01:24:32,757 So yeah, I gave up the most successful career 1562 01:24:32,895 --> 01:24:35,967 in music history to come work at this miserable factory 1563 01:24:36,105 --> 01:24:37,589 because it's what you've always wanted 1564 01:24:37,727 --> 01:24:40,005 and what, it is still not enough for you? 1565 01:24:40,144 --> 01:24:41,766 I appreciate what you're doing. 1566 01:24:43,078 --> 01:24:45,321 This isn't the life for you. 1567 01:24:45,459 --> 01:24:48,048 Oh, what? So I'm not even good at turning cranks now. 1568 01:24:48,186 --> 01:24:49,670 No, Alfred, that's not what I'm saying. 1569 01:24:49,808 --> 01:24:51,534 What are you saying, then? 1570 01:24:57,161 --> 01:24:59,473 I was wrong to stand in your way. 1571 01:25:01,958 --> 01:25:04,513 This isn't what you were meant for. 1572 01:25:06,170 --> 01:25:07,516 You're special. 1573 01:25:08,758 --> 01:25:13,142 You're Weird Al, and you're my son. 1574 01:25:15,834 --> 01:25:17,250 And I'm, uh... 1575 01:25:18,423 --> 01:25:20,080 I'm proud of you. 1576 01:25:27,329 --> 01:25:29,089 What are you doing? 1577 01:25:30,918 --> 01:25:32,506 [Nick chuckling] 1578 01:25:34,232 --> 01:25:35,164 Dad! 1579 01:25:35,302 --> 01:25:38,236 [laughing] 1580 01:25:41,860 --> 01:25:45,174 ♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg ♪ 1581 01:25:45,312 --> 01:25:49,627 ♪ The Batmobile lost a wheel And the Joker ran away, hey! ♪ 1582 01:25:49,765 --> 01:25:50,835 [laughing] 1583 01:25:50,973 --> 01:25:52,285 Yeah, that's an absolute classic. 1584 01:25:52,423 --> 01:25:55,011 [laughs] Whew. 1585 01:25:55,150 --> 01:25:57,842 Well, so Mom tells me you're dating that singer Madonna. 1586 01:25:57,980 --> 01:26:01,328 Oh, um, no, we-we broke up. 1587 01:26:01,466 --> 01:26:04,366 Oh, I'm sorry, honey. What happened? 1588 01:26:04,504 --> 01:26:06,782 Yeah. It's-it's complicated. 1589 01:26:06,920 --> 01:26:09,681 Well, don't worry. There's plenty of other fish in the sea. 1590 01:26:09,819 --> 01:26:13,513 So, so, what is it like? What's it like being you? 1591 01:26:13,651 --> 01:26:16,964 You know, world-famous superstar and all? 1592 01:26:17,102 --> 01:26:24,109 Well, um, it's-it's fun, but it's also a lot of pressure. 1593 01:26:24,248 --> 01:26:27,665 The hardest part for me is just coming up with new songs. 1594 01:26:27,803 --> 01:26:31,047 I-I never know where my next idea's gonna come from. 1595 01:26:31,186 --> 01:26:34,499 And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't know if I have it in me anymore. 1596 01:26:34,637 --> 01:26:37,606 Oh, nonsense. I'm sure that next big idea 1597 01:26:37,744 --> 01:26:40,264 is just right there in front of you. 1598 01:26:43,784 --> 01:26:46,442 Well, you may have noticed I've put on a little weight. 1599 01:26:46,580 --> 01:26:48,064 Don't be silly, Ma. You look great. 1600 01:26:48,203 --> 01:26:49,411 You do, dear. I think you look 1601 01:26:49,549 --> 01:26:51,136 wonderful with a few extra pounds. 1602 01:26:51,275 --> 01:26:52,862 I think you're pleasingly plump. 1603 01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:55,900 Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat. 1604 01:26:56,038 --> 01:26:58,143 I'm fat, you know it. 1605 01:27:02,665 --> 01:27:03,839 What? 1606 01:27:03,977 --> 01:27:05,185 Wow. 1607 01:27:05,323 --> 01:27:07,222 Dad, can I ask you something? 1608 01:27:08,982 --> 01:27:12,882 Mom told me growing up, you always had your reasons 1609 01:27:13,020 --> 01:27:14,919 for being so hard on me. 1610 01:27:18,647 --> 01:27:20,683 I think it's time, dear. 1611 01:27:23,790 --> 01:27:25,274 All right. 1612 01:27:38,770 --> 01:27:42,809 Oh, whoa. 1613 01:27:42,947 --> 01:27:47,020 I wrote it all down. This should explain everything. 1614 01:27:47,158 --> 01:27:50,748 Okay, do you have maybe a-a photo album 1615 01:27:50,886 --> 01:27:52,957 or we can just go through the bullet points together? 1616 01:27:53,095 --> 01:27:56,236 I don't have a photo album, but I have a sketchbook. 1617 01:27:56,374 --> 01:27:57,962 A sketchbook? 1618 01:28:00,275 --> 01:28:03,761 You see, we didn't have any cameras 1619 01:28:03,899 --> 01:28:07,592 when I was growing up because... 1620 01:28:10,250 --> 01:28:12,494 I was raised Amish. 1621 01:28:13,426 --> 01:28:15,013 What, really? 1622 01:28:15,151 --> 01:28:18,879 [Nick] Yep. I grew up Amish. 1623 01:28:19,017 --> 01:28:21,744 Lived in the community for the first 16 years of my life. 1624 01:28:21,882 --> 01:28:24,989 And frankly, I don't think I ever really fit in 1625 01:28:25,127 --> 01:28:27,716 because, well, if I'm being honest, 1626 01:28:27,854 --> 01:28:32,237 I was just as weird as you when I was a kid. 1627 01:28:32,376 --> 01:28:34,757 Yeah, I even made up new words to the hymns 1628 01:28:34,895 --> 01:28:36,897 that we sang during church service. 1629 01:28:37,035 --> 01:28:39,383 - That didn't go over too well. - [gasps] 1630 01:28:39,521 --> 01:28:41,419 [thunder rumbling] 1631 01:28:41,557 --> 01:28:43,973 [man] That boy will never learn. 1632 01:28:44,111 --> 01:28:45,665 [Nick] And then when I was a few years older, 1633 01:28:45,803 --> 01:28:47,874 I was able to go on rumspringa. 1634 01:28:48,012 --> 01:28:50,704 I finally had a chance to go out into the great big world 1635 01:28:50,842 --> 01:28:54,536 and see what it had to offer. 1636 01:28:54,674 --> 01:28:57,228 And that's when I saw the love of my life, 1637 01:28:57,366 --> 01:29:00,404 a 1933 Excelsior, 1638 01:29:00,542 --> 01:29:04,339 the finest accordion there ever was. 1639 01:29:04,477 --> 01:29:08,860 Cost me every penny I had in the world, but it was worth it. 1640 01:29:08,998 --> 01:29:11,242 So wait-wait-wait, you had an accordion? 1641 01:29:11,380 --> 01:29:14,832 I did, I did, I did, I was pretty good at it too. 1642 01:29:14,970 --> 01:29:17,490 I was not bad. I was not bad at all. 1643 01:29:17,628 --> 01:29:19,112 I thought I was the love of your life. 1644 01:29:19,250 --> 01:29:21,252 Oh, honey, you come later, please. Anyway... 1645 01:29:21,390 --> 01:29:23,116 So, I tried for months to make it 1646 01:29:23,254 --> 01:29:24,704 as a professional musician, 1647 01:29:24,842 --> 01:29:26,533 but it just wasn't in God's plan. 1648 01:29:26,671 --> 01:29:28,155 [woman] Get outta here! 1649 01:29:28,293 --> 01:29:30,848 [Nick] Failure mocked me at every waking moment. 1650 01:29:30,986 --> 01:29:32,677 [man] Hey, there, squeeze box. 1651 01:29:32,815 --> 01:29:35,128 [Nick] I knew that I had to give up my dream 1652 01:29:35,266 --> 01:29:38,200 and go back to the only life that I'd ever known. 1653 01:29:38,338 --> 01:29:40,961 But when I tried to come back to the Amish community, 1654 01:29:41,099 --> 01:29:43,654 well, the second they saw that squeeze box, 1655 01:29:43,792 --> 01:29:46,519 I was immediately excommunicated, 1656 01:29:46,657 --> 01:29:48,624 banished forever. 1657 01:29:48,762 --> 01:29:50,833 My whole world was torn away from me. 1658 01:29:50,971 --> 01:29:52,904 All I knew was I never wanted to see 1659 01:29:53,042 --> 01:29:56,839 another accordion again, for as long as I lived. 1660 01:29:56,977 --> 01:29:59,290 So I got a job at the factory, 1661 01:29:59,428 --> 01:30:03,121 a place where I knew you could get an honest day's wages 1662 01:30:03,259 --> 01:30:05,123 for an honest day's work. 1663 01:30:05,261 --> 01:30:07,056 And that's when I met... 1664 01:30:08,195 --> 01:30:09,921 the true love of my life. 1665 01:30:11,164 --> 01:30:12,821 Your mother. 1666 01:30:12,959 --> 01:30:14,339 [Al] Wow. 1667 01:30:14,478 --> 01:30:17,446 Dad, I--I never knew. 1668 01:30:19,310 --> 01:30:21,933 Of course you didn't. How could you? I just told you. 1669 01:30:22,071 --> 01:30:25,040 I just-- The whole story was about-- 1670 01:30:25,178 --> 01:30:29,562 Anyway, look, son, I hope that you can forgive me 1671 01:30:29,700 --> 01:30:31,598 and I hope you understand. 1672 01:30:33,358 --> 01:30:34,843 I lost everything 1673 01:30:34,981 --> 01:30:38,674 and I didn't want you to suffer the same sad fate. 1674 01:30:40,883 --> 01:30:42,920 I didn't want you to get your dreams crushed, 1675 01:30:43,058 --> 01:30:46,510 so I thought I should crush your ideas 1676 01:30:46,648 --> 01:30:48,788 before they could turn into dreams. 1677 01:30:51,825 --> 01:30:54,656 Yeah, that makes sense. 1678 01:30:56,865 --> 01:30:58,832 Oh. 1679 01:30:58,970 --> 01:31:01,732 Oh, that's nothing. You can just throw that thing out, that's-- 1680 01:31:01,870 --> 01:31:03,423 -"Amish Paradise?" - Nope. 1681 01:31:03,561 --> 01:31:04,907 Just tear that up in little pieces and get rid of that. 1682 01:31:05,045 --> 01:31:08,186 Wait, Dad... are these song lyrics? 1683 01:31:08,324 --> 01:31:10,050 That's just something stupid I wrote a while ago. 1684 01:31:10,188 --> 01:31:11,776 It doesn't matter. You can just-- 1685 01:31:11,914 --> 01:31:14,572 No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics... 1686 01:31:15,918 --> 01:31:18,990 they're like a window into your soul. 1687 01:31:19,128 --> 01:31:21,061 I don't think I've ever felt more connected to you than this 1688 01:31:21,199 --> 01:31:22,925 in my entire life. 1689 01:31:25,997 --> 01:31:28,275 Well, I never had the chance to perform it myself 1690 01:31:28,413 --> 01:31:30,795 because the dream had already died. 1691 01:31:30,933 --> 01:31:34,661 I thought maybe someday, but no, never mind. 1692 01:31:34,799 --> 01:31:39,010 Never mind. I guess no one will ever hear this song. 1693 01:31:42,566 --> 01:31:46,052 That's it! That's it! 1694 01:31:46,190 --> 01:31:47,709 Mom! 1695 01:31:47,847 --> 01:31:49,780 What did you say like a minute ago, about being fat? 1696 01:31:49,918 --> 01:31:51,229 We're onto something else now. 1697 01:31:51,367 --> 01:31:53,369 We were kind of having a moment here, son. 1698 01:31:53,508 --> 01:31:54,957 [Mary] Read the room. 1699 01:31:55,095 --> 01:31:57,788 Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book and did the whole thing. 1700 01:31:57,926 --> 01:31:59,306 - [Mary] Alfy! - [Nick] The drawing. 1701 01:31:59,444 --> 01:32:00,791 [Mary] Listen to your father when he's talking! 1702 01:32:00,929 --> 01:32:02,551 [Nick] Does anything register with you? 1703 01:32:02,689 --> 01:32:05,658 Can you see my lips moving? Nothing gets through to you. 1704 01:32:05,796 --> 01:32:07,901 ♪ We been spendin' Most our lives ♪ 1705 01:32:08,039 --> 01:32:11,111 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1706 01:32:11,249 --> 01:32:13,597 ♪ I've churned butter Once or twice ♪ 1707 01:32:13,735 --> 01:32:16,876 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1708 01:32:17,014 --> 01:32:19,326 ♪ It's hard work And sacrifice ♪ 1709 01:32:19,464 --> 01:32:22,951 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1710 01:32:23,089 --> 01:32:25,747 ♪ We sell quilts At discount price ♪ 1711 01:32:25,885 --> 01:32:28,439 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1712 01:32:28,577 --> 01:32:31,615 ♪ Hitchin' up the buggy Churnin' lots of butter ♪ 1713 01:32:31,753 --> 01:32:34,307 ♪ Raised a barn on Monday Soon I'll raise another ♪ 1714 01:32:34,445 --> 01:32:36,033 ♪ Think you're really Righteous? ♪ 1715 01:32:36,171 --> 01:32:38,173 ♪ Think you're pure in heart? ♪ 1716 01:32:38,311 --> 01:32:40,382 ♪ Well, I know I'm a million Times as humble as thou art ♪ 1717 01:32:40,520 --> 01:32:41,901 ♪ I'm the pious guy ♪ 1718 01:32:42,039 --> 01:32:43,385 ♪ The little Amlettes Wanna be like ♪ 1719 01:32:43,523 --> 01:32:44,869 ♪ On my knees day and night ♪ 1720 01:32:45,007 --> 01:32:46,526 ♪ Scorin' points For the afterlife ♪ 1721 01:32:46,664 --> 01:32:48,424 ♪ So don't be vain And don't be whiny ♪ 1722 01:32:48,563 --> 01:32:50,185 ♪ Or else, my brother ♪ 1723 01:32:50,323 --> 01:32:52,118 ♪ I might have to get Medieval on your heinie ♪ 1724 01:32:52,256 --> 01:32:54,810 ♪ We been spendin' Most our lives ♪ 1725 01:32:54,948 --> 01:32:58,020 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1726 01:32:58,158 --> 01:33:00,091 ♪ We're all crazy Mennonites ♪ 1727 01:33:00,229 --> 01:33:01,783 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise... ♪ 1728 01:33:01,921 --> 01:33:03,888 Man, I shoulda kept the publishing rights. 1729 01:33:04,026 --> 01:33:06,063 ♪ There's no cops Or traffic lights ♪ 1730 01:33:06,201 --> 01:33:09,445 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1731 01:33:09,584 --> 01:33:12,379 ♪ But you'd probably Think it bites ♪ 1732 01:33:12,517 --> 01:33:15,520 ♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪ 1733 01:33:15,659 --> 01:33:19,939 [choral singing] 1734 01:33:20,077 --> 01:33:21,009 Yecch! 1735 01:33:21,147 --> 01:33:24,219 [cheering] 1736 01:33:32,399 --> 01:33:34,091 [indistinct chatter] 1737 01:33:34,229 --> 01:33:36,680 It is so good to have you back, man. 1738 01:33:36,818 --> 01:33:38,440 Yeah, I was starting to miss the weird one. 1739 01:33:38,578 --> 01:33:41,616 Oh, I cannot believe I ever said that to you guys. 1740 01:33:41,754 --> 01:33:42,824 I am so, so sorry. 1741 01:33:42,962 --> 01:33:44,411 [Bermuda] Hey, you're an artist. 1742 01:33:44,549 --> 01:33:46,724 Being an abusive jerk is all part of the process. 1743 01:33:46,862 --> 01:33:48,553 Yeah, name me one creative genius 1744 01:33:48,692 --> 01:33:50,176 that doesn't have a checkered past 1745 01:33:50,314 --> 01:33:52,903 involving drugs, alcohol and a murderous rampage 1746 01:33:53,041 --> 01:33:54,629 through the heart of the jungle. 1747 01:33:54,767 --> 01:33:57,217 Yeah, I guess you're right. 1748 01:33:57,355 --> 01:33:59,116 I love you guys so much! 1749 01:34:00,600 --> 01:34:02,775 Yeah, yeah. See you out there. 1750 01:34:03,638 --> 01:34:05,501 [slow clapping] 1751 01:34:05,640 --> 01:34:07,503 Dr. D, you came! 1752 01:34:07,642 --> 01:34:10,196 Of course I came. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. 1753 01:34:10,334 --> 01:34:12,681 And well, needless to say, you were amazing. 1754 01:34:12,819 --> 01:34:15,166 Thank you. And I-I also, 1755 01:34:15,304 --> 01:34:17,652 I really wanna say the way I treated you-- 1756 01:34:17,790 --> 01:34:19,826 Stop. I'm gonna stop you right there, okay? 1757 01:34:19,964 --> 01:34:21,345 No apologies necessary. 1758 01:34:21,483 --> 01:34:23,761 I have been thinking a lot about what you said, 1759 01:34:23,899 --> 01:34:26,833 and I realized, Al, that... 1760 01:34:29,249 --> 01:34:32,736 you are like a son to me and, uh... 1761 01:34:32,874 --> 01:34:36,394 Well, I never really had any children of my own, so, uh... 1762 01:34:42,746 --> 01:34:44,299 I want to adopt you. 1763 01:34:49,373 --> 01:34:50,926 Will you be my son? 1764 01:34:52,479 --> 01:34:54,136 Wow. 1765 01:34:54,274 --> 01:34:59,383 Um, you-- I--I just made up with my dad. 1766 01:35:01,454 --> 01:35:02,593 You d--You did? 1767 01:35:02,731 --> 01:35:04,112 - Yeah. - That's, wow. Okay. 1768 01:35:04,250 --> 01:35:05,596 Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked. 1769 01:35:05,734 --> 01:35:07,840 - Wow. - We're-we're all good now. 1770 01:35:07,978 --> 01:35:09,151 Cool, the coolest. that's great. 1771 01:35:09,289 --> 01:35:11,222 - That's great. - It is great. 1772 01:35:11,360 --> 01:35:12,707 Oh, good! 1773 01:35:12,845 --> 01:35:13,708 - Yeah. - Cool. 1774 01:35:13,846 --> 01:35:15,157 Wow, that's so cool. 1775 01:35:15,295 --> 01:35:17,228 That's really cool. That's so cool. 1776 01:35:17,366 --> 01:35:19,472 My-- my category is coming up really soon, 1777 01:35:19,610 --> 01:35:21,301 I think, so I should probably go change? 1778 01:35:21,439 --> 01:35:22,889 You should--oh, you should go. Yeah, definitely. 1779 01:35:23,027 --> 01:35:24,408 It's so good to see you. 1780 01:35:24,546 --> 01:35:26,306 - Thank you so much for coming. - Okay. 1781 01:35:26,444 --> 01:35:29,585 - So good. Take care. - All right. 1782 01:35:29,724 --> 01:35:33,451 [horn squeaking sadly] 1783 01:35:33,589 --> 01:35:36,006 [polite applause] 1784 01:35:36,144 --> 01:35:37,732 [announcer] Please welcome to the stage 1785 01:35:37,870 --> 01:35:39,595 Grammy Award winner Diana Ross 1786 01:35:39,734 --> 01:35:44,428 and Intercontinental WWF Champion Hulk Hogan. 1787 01:35:44,566 --> 01:35:47,672 As artists, we learn to express ourselves 1788 01:35:47,811 --> 01:35:49,433 through our instruments. 1789 01:35:49,571 --> 01:35:53,817 Louis Armstrong had his trumpet and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar. 1790 01:35:53,955 --> 01:35:56,854 And well, my instrument is my voice. 1791 01:35:56,992 --> 01:36:00,444 [audience cheering] 1792 01:36:00,582 --> 01:36:02,032 That's right, Diana. 1793 01:36:02,170 --> 01:36:05,138 And my instruments are these 24-inch pythons. 1794 01:36:05,276 --> 01:36:08,728 - Whoo! - [polite applause] 1795 01:36:08,866 --> 01:36:12,939 No, no, Mary. That's an oily man. 1796 01:36:15,148 --> 01:36:18,945 And now, the award you've all been waiting for. 1797 01:36:19,083 --> 01:36:22,431 In the category of "Perhaps Not Technically the Best 1798 01:36:22,569 --> 01:36:25,814 But Arguably the Most Famous Accordion Player 1799 01:36:25,952 --> 01:36:29,645 in an Extremely Specific Genre of Music." 1800 01:36:29,784 --> 01:36:31,647 And the award goes to... 1801 01:36:31,786 --> 01:36:35,134 [drumroll] 1802 01:36:40,277 --> 01:36:42,451 [both] "Weird Al" Yankovic! 1803 01:36:42,589 --> 01:36:46,179 [audience cheering] 1804 01:36:46,317 --> 01:36:48,872 [clapping] 1805 01:37:09,754 --> 01:37:12,171 Oh, thank you. 1806 01:37:12,309 --> 01:37:15,864 Thank you. Thank you. Oh, this is incredible. 1807 01:37:16,002 --> 01:37:17,762 This award means so much to me, 1808 01:37:17,901 --> 01:37:20,627 and in front of all the billions of people watching 1809 01:37:20,765 --> 01:37:25,184 around the world right now, all I want to say is... 1810 01:37:25,322 --> 01:37:27,634 See, Dad? I told you! 1811 01:37:27,772 --> 01:37:30,051 Yeah! In your face, old man! 1812 01:37:30,189 --> 01:37:33,433 - [laughing] - Huh? 1813 01:37:33,571 --> 01:37:38,024 There are so many people here tonight that I need to thank. 1814 01:37:38,162 --> 01:37:41,683 People who mean the world to me and who made me 1815 01:37:41,821 --> 01:37:43,892 everything that I am today. 1816 01:37:44,030 --> 01:37:45,480 But they know who they are, 1817 01:37:45,618 --> 01:37:48,966 and I'm gonna thank them all later privately. 1818 01:37:49,104 --> 01:37:51,900 Okay, I'm just gonna wrap things up. 1819 01:37:52,038 --> 01:37:53,557 I don't have much time left. 1820 01:37:53,695 --> 01:37:56,905 I-- Y'know, I'm gonna be around for a good long time. 1821 01:37:57,043 --> 01:37:58,907 You don't have to worry about that. 1822 01:37:59,045 --> 01:38:01,254 You're not gonna get rid of me that easy. 1823 01:38:05,500 --> 01:38:08,675 - Waiting on your signal. - [Madonna] Stand by. 1824 01:38:08,813 --> 01:38:13,025 But in my remaining few seconds, I just wanna say... 1825 01:38:14,992 --> 01:38:17,201 live the life you wanna live. 1826 01:38:17,339 --> 01:38:20,204 You know, be as weird as you wanna be. 1827 01:38:20,342 --> 01:38:23,035 Believe me, you will never find true happiness 1828 01:38:23,173 --> 01:38:27,211 until you can truly accept who you are. 1829 01:38:27,349 --> 01:38:31,043 And standing before all of you, right here, right now, 1830 01:38:31,181 --> 01:38:35,702 I can honestly say I have never been more happy 1831 01:38:35,840 --> 01:38:39,396 or more proud in my entire life. 1832 01:38:40,949 --> 01:38:42,123 Thank you. 1833 01:38:42,261 --> 01:38:44,470 [audience cheering] 1834 01:38:56,931 --> 01:38:59,347 Thank you! Thank you! 1835 01:39:05,940 --> 01:39:07,493 Take the shot. 1836 01:39:13,775 --> 01:39:16,157 No! 1837 01:42:02,702 --> 01:42:06,672 [screams] 1838 01:42:19,133 --> 01:42:23,654 ♪ You thought you knew me? Well, you better guess again ♪ 1839 01:42:23,792 --> 01:42:26,485 ♪ Now you know The whole story ♪ 1840 01:42:26,623 --> 01:42:28,935 ♪ Now you've heard it all My friend ♪ 1841 01:42:29,073 --> 01:42:34,803 ♪ You know all my dirty secrets 'Cause we spilled all the tea ♪ 1842 01:42:34,941 --> 01:42:37,461 ♪ There's nothin' left to hide Baby ♪ 1843 01:42:37,599 --> 01:42:41,465 ♪ How you like the real me? ♪ 1844 01:42:41,603 --> 01:42:46,643 ♪ Yeah, the truth came out We finally removed all doubt ♪ 1845 01:42:46,781 --> 01:42:51,026 ♪ If it's in a movie It's gotta be true ♪ 1846 01:42:51,165 --> 01:42:52,476 ♪ Aw, yeah ♪ 1847 01:42:52,614 --> 01:42:54,720 ♪ If you never knew it before ♪ 1848 01:42:54,858 --> 01:42:57,136 ♪ You don't have To wonder anymore ♪ 1849 01:42:57,274 --> 01:43:01,796 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1850 01:43:03,556 --> 01:43:05,558 ♪ Thought I oughta tell ya so ♪ 1851 01:43:05,696 --> 01:43:07,629 ♪ I shoulda done it long ago ♪ 1852 01:43:07,767 --> 01:43:13,566 ♪ But now you know Now, now you know ♪ 1853 01:43:13,704 --> 01:43:16,466 ♪ Yeah, that's how it all Went down, bro ♪ 1854 01:43:16,604 --> 01:43:19,089 ♪ We've proof-checked Every fact ♪ 1855 01:43:19,227 --> 01:43:22,265 ♪ If you still Don't believe it ♪ 1856 01:43:22,403 --> 01:43:25,337 ♪ Well No skin off my back ♪ 1857 01:43:25,475 --> 01:43:27,649 ♪ Just don't call me a liar ♪ 1858 01:43:27,787 --> 01:43:30,411 ♪ 'Cause shut up You weren't there ♪ 1859 01:43:30,549 --> 01:43:33,552 ♪ This movie is now canon ♪ 1860 01:43:33,690 --> 01:43:37,107 ♪ Every word is true, I swear ♪ 1861 01:43:37,245 --> 01:43:39,040 ♪ We only changed one thing ♪ 1862 01:43:39,178 --> 01:43:42,561 ♪ I really did play Live Aid with Queen ♪ 1863 01:43:42,699 --> 01:43:45,426 ♪ And I blew 'em off The freakin' stage ♪ 1864 01:43:45,564 --> 01:43:48,014 ♪ That's right ♪ 1865 01:43:48,152 --> 01:43:50,500 ♪ If you never knew it before ♪ 1866 01:43:50,638 --> 01:43:52,502 ♪ You don't have To wonder anymore ♪ 1867 01:43:52,640 --> 01:43:57,300 ♪ 'Cause now you know Now you know ♪ 1868 01:43:59,163 --> 01:44:01,165 ♪ Thought I oughta tell ya so ♪ 1869 01:44:01,304 --> 01:44:03,098 ♪ I shoulda done it long ago ♪ 1870 01:44:03,237 --> 01:44:08,483 ♪ But now you know Now, now you know ♪ 1871 01:44:09,208 --> 01:44:11,762 [sax solo] 1872 01:44:21,841 --> 01:44:23,809 ♪ Aw, what a wild ride ♪ 1873 01:44:23,947 --> 01:44:27,261 ♪ How about that part Where I died? ♪ 1874 01:44:27,399 --> 01:44:30,436 ♪ I was not expecting that! ♪ 1875 01:44:32,162 --> 01:44:35,441 ♪ But I'm back, baby ♪ 1876 01:44:35,579 --> 01:44:40,377 ♪ Here to wreak my zombie Apocalypse upon you all ♪ 1877 01:44:40,515 --> 01:44:45,451 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1878 01:44:45,589 --> 01:44:47,488 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1879 01:44:47,626 --> 01:44:49,352 ♪ You know it ♪ 1880 01:44:49,490 --> 01:44:51,388 ♪ And the union-scale Background singers sing ♪ 1881 01:44:51,526 --> 01:44:56,531 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1882 01:44:56,669 --> 01:44:58,602 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1883 01:44:58,740 --> 01:45:01,536 ♪ No fabrications No exaggerations ♪ 1884 01:45:01,674 --> 01:45:03,227 ♪ It's the gospel truth ♪ 1885 01:45:03,366 --> 01:45:07,508 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1886 01:45:07,646 --> 01:45:10,407 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1887 01:45:10,545 --> 01:45:13,755 ♪ Startin' to feel like this Song is slightly repetitive ♪ 1888 01:45:13,893 --> 01:45:18,622 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1889 01:45:18,760 --> 01:45:21,970 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1890 01:45:29,909 --> 01:45:31,221 [music fades] 1891 01:45:31,359 --> 01:45:32,843 [Al] Wow, fake-out ending! 1892 01:45:32,981 --> 01:45:37,779 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1893 01:45:37,917 --> 01:45:40,057 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1894 01:45:40,195 --> 01:45:42,577 ♪ Look at all these people In the credits ♪ 1895 01:45:42,715 --> 01:45:44,441 ♪ We had to pay 'em all ♪ 1896 01:45:44,579 --> 01:45:48,445 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1897 01:45:48,583 --> 01:45:50,516 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1898 01:45:50,654 --> 01:45:52,276 ♪ Oh hey, I remember him ♪ 1899 01:45:52,415 --> 01:45:55,210 ♪ Met him on the set Seemed like a really nice guy ♪ 1900 01:45:55,349 --> 01:45:59,560 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1901 01:45:59,698 --> 01:46:01,493 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1902 01:46:01,631 --> 01:46:04,358 ♪ All these songs were in The movie you just watched ♪ 1903 01:46:04,496 --> 01:46:05,945 ♪ Including this one ♪ 1904 01:46:06,083 --> 01:46:10,709 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1905 01:46:23,238 --> 01:46:24,516 [music fades] 1906 01:46:24,654 --> 01:46:28,727 [Al] Awwwwww, double fake-out! 1907 01:46:28,865 --> 01:46:32,903 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1908 01:46:33,041 --> 01:46:35,147 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1909 01:46:35,285 --> 01:46:38,806 ♪ This song just keeps goin' on And on and on and on and on ♪ 1910 01:46:38,944 --> 01:46:43,535 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1911 01:46:43,673 --> 01:46:46,227 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1912 01:46:46,365 --> 01:46:49,610 ♪ Seriously, how many more Credits can there be? ♪ 1913 01:46:49,748 --> 01:46:54,166 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1914 01:46:54,304 --> 01:46:56,030 ♪ Now, now you know ♪ 1915 01:46:56,168 --> 01:46:58,481 ♪ This song Is technically eligible ♪ 1916 01:46:58,619 --> 01:47:00,552 ♪ For Oscar consideration ♪ 1917 01:47:00,690 --> 01:47:05,453 ♪ Now you know, now you know ♪ 1918 01:47:05,591 --> 01:47:07,490 ♪ Now you know ♪ 137612