All language subtitles for The Falls (1980).en

(birdsong)

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Orchard Falla is a
Capistan- speaking young male man.

He suffers from aching teeth, gross
anaemia and a marrow deficiency.

For his age and his condition,
he is heavy.

There is no known photograph of him.

Orchard lives outside Arklow,
County Wicklow,

and works in an ironmonger's that
makes a profit selling chicken wire.

It is not known what he thinks
of the Violent Unknown Event.

He is very noncommittal
about the Responsibility of Birds,

though in an unguarded moment, he
has described his enemy as the FOX.

This might be no more enigmatic

than a reference to his profession
as a seller of chicken wire.

At least once every 24 hours, Orchard
drives five miles to the coast,

ostensibly
to collect the skulls of seabirds.

He often returns with one hidden in
the toe of a pair of perished waders

he keeps in the back of his car.

Concealment is a precaution
in case he is challenged.

His finds are usually limited
to the jaw of an oystercatcher

or the head of a herring gull
sliced from its tar- covered body

with the penknife given to him
by his employer last Bird- Fall Day.

Orchard often spends his time
at the beach, day or night,

staring at the sea with both hands
clamped tightly to his lower jaw

in the unlikely hope
of squeezing away the toothache.

In such a position,
he stares fixedly to the southeast.

If he had turned his gaze 45 degrees
and stared due east,

he might have faced the horizon that
hid the Lleyn Peninsula of Wales,

which is what he wanted to stare at.

As it was, he misplaced his time,
his energy and his anxiety

by staring at the horizon
that hid Pembrokeshire,

which was much too far to the south.

Constance Ortuist Fallaburr

is a Sackamayer- speaking
middle- aged female woman.

She would admit her interest
in flight has been a long one.

Since the Violent Unknown Event

she has developed an earthbound
shape due to an engrossed coccyx.

She harbours doubts
about the Responsibility of Birds

and having an exaggerated respect for
gravity, now shuns flight herself.

Constance has two houses side by side
on the coast at Southwold, Suffolk.

The one on the left
was rented by her husband,

aviation historian
Melorder Fallaburr.

It served as a holiday home
for air orphans.

The other house
was for Constance's own use,

and was crammed with furniture
thrown out from airport lounges.

It was called le nid

after the initials
of Nathan Isole Dermontier,

who threw himself from
the Eiffel Tower in 1870.

Melorder said
the story was a fabrication,

not least because the Eiffel Tower
did not exist until 1889.

Constance replied that Dermontier
must have jumped from Les Invalides.

Both houses
have since been demolished

and the bricks used
to strengthen sea defences.

Constance now lives in a house beside
the main runway at Z�rich airport.

And her favourite Tulse Luper story
is The Cassowary.

A jet aircraft on a cloudless night
began its landing flight path

20 miles due east from the
airport where it was due to land.

For the first five miles, the noise
from its engine disturbed no one.

At the sixth mile,
an ornithologist on a reservoir

was irritated by the jet noise
just enough

to give the aircraft a glance.
He turned into a swan.

At the seventh mile, a naturalist
and his wife saw the aircraft

through their bedroom curtains
and turned into crows.

At the eighth mile,
four children in a dormitory

saw it through a skylight
and turned into herons.

At the ninth mile, seven nurses
in an old people's home saw the plane

and turned into swallows.

At the tenth mile, 21 members
of eight families saw the plane

and turned into gulls.

By the 19th mile, 24,927 people

in two towns, four villages and
a camping site had seen the plane.

Most of them
had turned into penguins.

When the plane exploded
on the airstrip,

a cassowary
stepped from the wreckage

and checked into the VIP lounge.

Melorder Fallaburr,
the husband of Constance Fallaburr,

is a comparative- flight historian,

about to make his first flight
from one of London's tall buildings.

What number, Melorder,
is this building on your list?

It's in the top 20, but there's some
trouble getting a permit to land.

Is it high enough?

It's a possibility, though
the draughts are inauspicious.

L don't want to end up in the Thames.
L can't swim, even if l can fly.

His last words in English
were recorded on a tape recorder

in a hotel bedroom at The Crane
at Bungay, Suffolk,

where he was making a survey
of East Anglian decoy airfields

for the Imperial War Museum.

... two land mines dropped, making a
crater big enough to hide a hayrick.

Present owner,
Phoenix Insurance Company.

Decoy airfield half a mile from fork
in Carrow to Redroads Lane.

From 1940, had lights and fires
to attract enemy bombers.

Your researchers have surely told you
that success has been very limited?

We all know
there has been a conspiracy.

Only the failures have been recorded.

We are all too interested in Icarus
and not enough in his father.

Melorder had been employed as a
witness of the Violent Unknown Event,

and because of what he saw
he had himself sterilised

as a precaution
against making his wife pregnant.

He need not have worried.
Most of those affected by the VUE,

male and female alike,
became sterile anyway.

Melorder's brother- in- law,
Rapper Begol,

had flippantly said that a true VUE
mutant could only reproduce itself

with the aid of a placenta
that had developed an eggshell.

Melorder and his wife rarely lived
together after he was sterilised.

Is it true you were married in
a DC 10 flying over the Eiffel Tower?

That was the intention.

But by the time the chaplain
recovered from airsickness,

we were over Les Invalides.

Will your wife watch the flight?

No. She said,
"Too much entertainment,

and not enough research."

What about the timing?

For the inaugural flight,
l intend to use lights,

so the most auspicious time would be
in the evening, round about now.

L'll make it down
into the shadow of the building

when the shadow is at its longest.

That shadow is important to you?

Consider the times it's rotated
around this building.

L was born down there. My mother
started labour in that shadow

and had to wait until it came around
again before she was finished.

When his duties as
an official observer were over,

he had turned to publishing
an encyclopaedic history of flight

and to the formation
of an aircraft museum at Rishangles.

It's said that,
having started life in shadow,

that's how it will end for you.

No. L can't help them out.

L've no intention of fulfilling
that particular forecast.

Besides, if l fail,
it will ruin your producers.

The BFI, the Bird Facilities
Investments, might never film again.

The VUE had affected Melorder's sight
for the better

and his hearing for the worse.

And the muscles of his arms,
chest and back

had become enlarged,
engorged and strengthened.

His doctor referred to the phenomenon
as petagium fellitis

or skin- wing aggrievement.

This characteristic
persuaded Melorder

that his historical and theoretical
knowledge of human flight

should be put to practical use.

L hear Armeror Fallstag
has ordered you a wreath.

He should save his money.
L'm not dying by gravity.

L'd rather be pecked to death
by penguins.

Appis (Arris) Fallabus is
a Regest- speaking young male man.

He is partially blind, sensitive to
temperature and has poor circulation.

Nightly, he has to lubricate
himself with Spanish oil.

(speaks Dutch)

Is it true
that you are plagued with body lice?

Yes, it is.

Everything you can imagine,
ticks, lice,

termites, tapeworms. Everything.
You name it.

After a change in the weather,
it's especially bad.

Worse in summer, and impossible
to get rid of at sea level.

Within reason, l have been advised
to make them moderately comfortable

by wearing wool. But l live with it.

Appis, whose comprehension of urban
Dutch has not entirely disappeared,

had been born in Zeelem,
an isolated village

surrounded by canals that only
appeared to empty due to evaporation.

In winter, every inch of water
in Zeelem turned to ice

and the body predators
that worried Appis slept, froze

or otherwise temporarily capitulated.

It is said that you identify
with swallows. Is this correct?

Yes, it's true. But nowadays,
that's not unique, is it?

Appis would have been
an expert long- distance ice skater

but his mother believed
it was dangerous

for his poor circulation to spend too
much time out of doors in the winter.

Appis's mother was not a victim
of the Violent Unknown Event.

As she grew older and her son
remained the same age,

she discovered a new worry
for each new season.

She could not have
too many seasons left,

so Appis patiently waited to be set
free to enjoy immortality on his own.

Meanwhile, he managed a kite factory,

in some part satisfying a desire
for unaided flight in himself

and in the 19 million other victims
of the VUE.

Is it true your father was killed by
a bird counter named Van Hoyten?

My father was at the Amsterdam zoo
studying saltwater fish,

when Van Hoyten was employed there
as a bird counter.

They quarrelled,

apparently because my father
had a fox tattooed on his chest.

It was said they were rivals.

In the summer, Appis flew
a stunt kite to intimidate the birds

who he blamed directly
for his predicament.

L'm told you drink salt water
to crack the ice in your pancreas.

L do? Perhaps you're confusing me
with someone else.

My father was always experimenting,
putting plaice in the canals

and stimulating the salt glands
in pelagic birds.

What do you think of the Theory
of the Responsibility of Birds?

Well, the coincidences
seem inexhaustible, obviously.

But l leave it entirely
to the experts.

When flying his kite,
Appis left swallows alone

knowing that a single bird of
that species could be preyed upon

by a dozen different types
of parasite,

and that was punishment enough.

Standard Fallaby has a DC3 single
berth caravanette with a glass roof.

In winter, he hides it in
caravan sites in the west of England,

ostensibly that it might escape the
scrutiny of his sister Tasida Fallaby

whose attentions, says Standard,
are not ornithological

and exceed those of an orthodox
brother- and- sister relationship.

The VUE Directory Commission
have, as yet,

not been able to locate
Standard Fallaby or his caravan.

The VUE has contracted Standard's
intestine and paralysed his legs.

He is obliged to cling to a
hanging brace when asked to stand up.

He speaks Curdine.

Curdine is a cursive language

that deliberately fosters ambiguities
and encourages punning.

Tulse Luper has said that
in the larynx of the right man,

Curdine would be
a superlative language,

an antidote
to all the world's feathers.

Since the VUE,

Standard Fallaby has developed
an interest in the Corvidae.

Every rook- nesting season,
he parks beneath a rookery

somewhere in West England
in sight of the Atlantic.

He has made a claim to the World
Society for the Preservation of Birds

to have discovered a rook subspecies,
Corvus frugilegus atlanticus,

whose diet is largely shellfish and
whose call imitates young seagulls.

The WSPB
has not recognised his claim.

(reads aloud in Curdine)

"My brother and l
were born holding hands."

"My mother says so.
His father denies it."

"L sometimes think l took the first
small step out of the womb."

Tasida Fallaby is two years and seven
months older than her brother.

"He deferred to me."

"This contradicts what might
be read on our birth certificates."

"But then l have no patience
with bureaucracies."

"It's water off a duck's back
to them."

Apart from a thickening
of the exterior muscles,

the Violent Unknown Event
has only modified Tasida's interior,

leaving her exterior unmolested and
encouraging her belief in naturism.

"When l was 15, my hair was longer
than his, but he was taller."

"It didn't matter. He got over it."

The Directory credits Tasida
with a partially collapsed lung,

a singing tinnitus,
black- and- white vision,

a doubling
of the menstrual cycle,

and, unlike her brother, a twisting
of the intestine into tighter coils

so that Tasida suffers intense cramps
and often has malodorous breath.

"Malodorous" is a translation
of the adjective that she used

in the autobiography she presented
to the VUE Commission

to counteract the statistics
she was sure to find describing her

in the VUE Directory.

Tasida's autobiography runs to more
than 300 pages written in Curdine,

though the Directory has registered
her as a speaker in Katan.

At her insistence
the autobiography was read aloud

for the benefit of the Commission
who recorded the whole,

taking a greater part of a day
to do so.

"L married Messenger
after my great disappointment."

"L took to nursing
like a duck takes to water."

"Messenger married me for it."

"But as time went on,

l realised that he was too interested
in the clothing industry."

"He was even selling stockings
to my friend Sanchia."

"L told him to stop making
his business interest

break up our relationship."

Tasida has painstakingly learnt
a mechanical Curdine

so she might talk to her brother.

Since he only wanted to talk
about birds,

she pronounced ornithological terms

with an exactness
suggesting enthusiasm.

"It is essential that my version of
the facts be taken into account."

Curdine, notorious for ambiguity,

is certainly antipathetic to being
spoken mechanically.

Tasida therefore spoke it
with some courage, if not rashness.

Her blunt pronunciation contained
layers of unconscious innuendo

and the ambiguous imagery
had a hazardous relevance.

"...since a mere list of Commission
Statistics compiled by assistants

who don't know a ruff
from a decorated neckband,

it's bound to be unacceptable, and
on this Standard is bound to agree."

Lacer Fallacet, after the Violent
Unknown Event, had a dark head,

calloused hands and barked in Agreet
like a person unwilling to use words.

She owned a succession of voiceless
bitches, named after female aviators,

and her favourite Tulse Luper story.
Was The Photographer's Dog.

A naturalist took a photograph
of a dead dog on a beach.

The corpse was a week old...

Lacer Fallacet suffered from
rheumatism, muscular spasms

and a loss of taste buds.

She was classified
as an elderly female woman.

The VUE knocked three inches
off her height

and added three stone to her weight.

According to her godson Rapper Begol,
Lacer was born on Bardsey Island

where dogs hunted seagulls
and learnt to imitate their cry.

Before the VUE, Lacer
had variously been a child- minder,

a maths teacher and a pastry cook.
She had worked in Sweden

as a swimming instructress, a
dietician and a veterinary assistant.

Lacer married a pharmacist
from Brougan

and had two daughters
who married Russian pilots.

Her granddaughters came to
England on Bird- Fall Scholarships

and, having gained political asylum,
live in Canada.

- Puffin.
- Black- headed gull.

Whatever her other attributes,

Lacer Fallacet has not been able
to teach her dogs to fly,

though she may have witnessed,
on a visit to the Ukraine,

laboratory tests that suggested
dog flight was not impossible.

Six months after the VUE,

the first dog Lacer took up in a
plane was a spaniel named Harzy

after Frau Esterh�zy.

But the first solo flight

was reserved for a three- year- old
boxer bitch called Louise.

At Lacer's command, Louise jumped
from a helicopter at 1,000 feet

and landed on loose straw
in a field outside Copenhagen.

The second jump was from 2,000 feet
and was unsuccessful.

The dog landed
in a children's playing field.

Lacer was threatened with prosecution
but the charge did not stick.

She was fined three kroner

for exercising a dog
in a public place without a lead.

Nine days after the VUE,

Arris Fallacie gave evidence
of being a dreamer- of- water,

Category One, Flight,
which is nearly always illustrated

by the Bedfordshire Level Sequence
from HE Carter's film The Last Wave.

Questioned, Arris found no difficulty

identifying his dream
with the sample.

At the time of the VUE,

Arris was travelling to London
from boarding school in Perth.

He was in a second- class non- smoking
compartment facing the engine.

Both schoolboys
developed identical VUE symptoms,

but the friend spoke Carn- est- aero
and Arris spoke Itino Re.

The language conversion
was abrupt and complete.

Their last collaborative work in
English had been a mild punishment.

Arris began to spend
more and more time asleep.

He developed a stammer
round the letter H,

a lung inflammation and
a shrinkage of the stomach wall.

He was sent to a dietary counsellor

at the isolation hospital
at Bryne Boars, Chesil Beach.

But Arris never arrived.

On the train journey,
searching for the toilet to be sick,

he opened the wrong door and fell
into the path of an oncoming train.

Mashanter Fallack was registered
as a speaker in English and Karnash,

with a knowledge of Allow- ease.

To identify herself with
the victims of the VUE,

she insisted
in speaking Karnash in public.

(speaks Karnash)

English to her was a language

prepared to debase ornithological
nomenclature to an unacceptable level

demonstrating the paucity
of the English concern

with the phenomenon
of the Violent Unknown Event.

Do you think these film biographies
are going to profit the VUE victims?

Of course. Think of who's involved,
the IRR, the BFI, the COI,

the European Section of the WSPB,
not to miss the Directory Commission.

These bodies have access to a viewing
public that covers half the world.

Do you think public money is well
spent on making films like this?

Do you ask about the public money
being paid to all these people

in all these government offices?

L'm surprised that you of all people
can ask that question.

Mashanter was born in the Canary
Isles, though at times she denies it.

She now has an office
in Berkeley Square.

Her parents were Danish.

Her father was an architect
now employed building aviaries.

Her mother, a doctor,
drowned in a ship's swimming pool.

Do you think there's any point
in the IRR

making a separate case
for VUE victims?

On the night of the VUE
Mashanter was on holiday in Venice.

Apart from some migraine and insomnia
Mashanter suffered little physically.

Her metabolism was invigorated.

At night, she studied
ornithological literature.

She began to campaign for a better
appreciation of avian terminology.

Soon she was spending her
income in the magistrates' courts

paying fines for disturbance
of the peace, harassment,

being a public nuisance
and defacing public monuments.

Mashanter's favourite Tulse Luper
story was Sparrow Week.

To curb flocks of sparrows eating
one- third of its food production,

a nation organised Sparrow Week.

Day and night, for seven days,
the country's population

rang bells, banged saucepan lids
and shouted.

The sparrows, frightened to settle,
eventually fell dead out of the sky.

Flight exhaustion from the same cause
also killed gulls on the coast,

herons in the marsh,
eagles in the mountains

and pigeons on the town square.

On the seventh day,
Sparrow Week ended.

Next year two- thirds of the country's
food supply was eaten by insects

and the money standard
changed from gold to eggs.

Were you speaking metaphorically
when you said

you were preparing
to lay your own golden egg?

(laughs)

Can l take it that...

The compilation of the biography of a
living person is a sensitive matter.

Where necessary, and in nearly every
case where the subject wanted it,

various forms of anonymity were used.

The VUE Commission offered a choice
of ten pseudonymous identities

and Squaline Fallaize, the subject
of biography 10, chose identity 10

for she recognised
it for another bird victim.

She has requested that
accounts of her life should be brief,

unillustrated and translated for her
mother's benefit into Kath- a- ganian.

She also insisted
it be narrated by a woman.

"Squaline Fallaize had shining eyes,

yellow skin
and a blaze on her forehead

in the shape of the Austro- Hungarian
double- headed eagle."

(Kath- a- ginian)

"Squaline Fallaize had shining eyes,

yellow skin
and a blaze on her forehead

in the shape of the Austro- Hungarian
double- headed eagle."

"She spoke whatever language
took her fancy,

her whims influenced by her appetite,
which was usually small."

"She was known
as a reticent conversationalist."

"Squaline was paid a retainer
by the Language Commission."

"When it learnt
she was getting an appetite,

the Language University at Caracas

sent several senior professors
to her flat on Cappis Island."

"A large meal was cooked slowly
in her small kitchen

whilst the linguists sat on
the floor of her dining room

to listen to her fluency
in 47 languages."

"The two chefs and the waiter
who served the meal were paid for

out of a university expense account
reserved for ringing storks."

There is some evidence to suggest
that Squaline Fallaize is a fiction.

(telephone rings)

(speaks French)

Carlos Fallantly lost his wife...

...at the time
of the Violent Unknown Event.

She was a voluble, untidy woman...

...who made her own clothes...

...and washed once a week
in the water...

...wrung out of the laundry.

She was invaluable to her husband.

She looked after his poultry,

kept his accounts...

...and when roused...

...was as uxorious a wife...

...as Carlos could wish to have.

On the night of June 12th of the VUE,
Carlos's wife suffered a stroke.

Carlos transferred his affection
to a turkey.

The VUE Directory records for Carlos

a malfunction of the left ventricle,
bone- marrow disease

and, save for
the VUE immortality clause,

would have normally given him
six months to live.

Carlos had buried his wife
in the floor of his greenhouse.

The local authorities
had the body exhumed.

Now Carlos lived in the greenhouse
to keep his turkey company.

A fowl pest epidemic finally erased
Carlos's other poultry.

Two veterinary officials

came to make sure he had burnt
or buried all the corpses.

Insisting the one remaining bird
should be destroyed,

the vet promised to compensate Carlos
with at least a set of photographs.

These were taken as the vet
stalked the bird with his camera

whilst the vet's assistant
stalked the bird with a shotgun.

Carlos was not happy
with the photographs.

He is now awaiting trial at Clichy
for shooting the vet.

(sings)

Musicus Fallantly
had quickly acclimatised himself

to the effects
of the Violent Unknown Event.

A sufferer of petagium fellitis
and a speaker of Allow,

he moved to Port Madoc, learnt to
sing in Welsh, practised illusionism

and began a study of linguistics
he called aero- ethnography.

Musicus worked
on an Allow/Welsh dictionary

and adapted da Vinci's notes
on human flight

as a text for the VUE anthem.

Musicus also wrote
a Welsh/ Allow choral work

celebrating 92 early flight pioneers.

This work, of great complexity
and an excess of narrative,

proceeded
by listing categories of flight.

The characters were pilots,
night pilots, airmen, flyers,

aeronauts and female aeronauts,
birdmen and gullers.

A "guller" was an Allow word

for those whose attempts to fly
had taken place over water.

Icarus had been a guller.

Musicus called his work Sky Lists
and dedicated it to Van Riquardt,

the French patriot and pioneer airman

who threw himself
from the Eiffel Tower in 1889.

Cadence, Musicus's wife, said that
the film was a reconstruction

because the moving- picture
camera wasn't invented until 1895.

Van Riquardt had been a linguist

and a baritone
in the Lyc�e Nouvelle M�nilmontant.

Musicus Fallantly's eldest son
Vanrick was named after Van Riquardt

but although interested
in his father's illusionism,

he had no interest in choral work,
language or self- propelled flight.

He became a sound recordist.

"Dear sir, In reply to your query
about Wrallis Fallanway,

my husband was on artificial lake 11
early on the morning of June 13th."

In this dry overflow gully, Wrallis
Fallanway began his post- VUE life

after three hours
of artificial resuscitation.

His body had been found floating
above the weir

on the Lake Marmion Complex, Ontario.

"At half past five, he said
the lake shook three times,

the ripples coming from the edge
of the lake towards the centre,

the reverse of what would happen
if you threw a stone into the water."

"L'm not hiding the fact that my
husband was a nationalised Canadian."

"He took his Canadian name from the
road where we lived at Kashabowie."

"The road had been named after
Lewis Fallan the lumberjack,

a second- generation
Patagonian Welshman like Wrallis."

"He'd worked for the Goldhawk
Company as a topman,

and he'd been crushed
by a giant redwood,

the ones you don't find any more
as they've all been pulled down."

"The second time
Wrallis felt the lake shake

he fell into the boat and
banged his head on the rowlock."

"When he sat up again he felt sure
he'd got something in his eye."

"He felt sick at the back of his
throat and nose, and his eyes ran."

"He was giddy for a long time."

"L learnt from my neighbours
it was common knowledge

that Lewis Fallan had been
awarded damages for his accident."

"The Goldhawk Company presented
his widow with a certificate

and a tray of eagle eggs and named
a road in Kashabowie after him."

"The road is supposed
to be exactly 57 metres long,

as long as the redwood
that crushed Fallan's chest."

"The third time,
my husband fell into the lake."

"Air in his anorak
must have kept him afloat

as he remembers nothing else."

"He was picked up
by a Goldhawk vessel from the weir

about ten in the morning.
He'd been in the water five hours."

"They gave my husband the day off and
said he was lucky they'd found him."

"Wrallis became blind two days later
and he kept falling over."

Wrallis Fallanway is registered
as a middle- aged male man

suffering from M�ni�re's disease,
migraine and apoplexy.

His lips grew calloused,
his tongue diminished

and a nictitating membrane
on his left eye

operated involuntarily
in conditions of bright light,

making his vision sparkle
with refracted lights.

"They sent me a certificate

which said that the Goldhawk
Fisheries Company named the lake,

number 11 lake, after my husband,
the Wrallis Fallanway Lake."

"They gave me a case of stuffed fish.
They look like flying fish."

"Here's hoping my knowledge
of my husband's case can help you."

"Sincerely yours,
Asecretor Fallanway."

Allia Fallanx is the fourth
Custodian of the Boulder Orchard,

the recognised geographical epicentre
of the Violent Unknown Event.

The Boulder Orchard's first permanent
Custodian was HE Carter,

painter, film- maker, banjo- player,
hydronomist and indexer.

The second Custodian
was Rapper Begol,

photographer, embryologist,

saxophonist, fire- watcher
and writer of Egg Tales.

L noticed a brown sort of ball...

The third Custodian
was Catuso Phelpis,

singer and ornithological registrar.

Allia Fallanx, as pianist,
ornithologist, cataloguer,

apiarist
and expert on flying reptiles,

perpetuated and expanded
the Custodian tradition.

However, the publication of personal
details of VUE Commission employees

is forbidden. This embargo
does not extend to their families,

so it is possible to consider
the VUE history of Allia's wife,

Starling Fallanx.

(The Lady is a Tramp)

Starling Fallanx, singer,
firework enthusiast,

wanderer, collector of berets,
bird hats and cardboard boxes,

authority on the nightingale,

was struck down by the VUE near
a late- flowering hawthorn bush

on the road into the Manifold Valley.

Starling met Allia
just eight hours after the VUE.

They were both suffering
from sore feet.

After some wanderings,

with or without the VUE's
disorienteering experience,

she moved into the Tyddyn- Corn
Farm with her children and hats

when Allia became the Fourth
Custodian of the Boulder Orchard.

She likes green grass
underneath her shoes

Perhaps finding it difficult to
cripple a moving target,

the VUE's interest in Starling
Fallanx has been sporadic.

But now she has settled
she can no longer taste salt,

open her eyes under water, wear
velvet or smell hawthorn blossom.

But she can teach her daughters
the 32 songs of the nightingale

and astonish them
by locking her Achilles tendons

to grip apples with
the soles of her feet.

She likes the theatre
but she never stays late

Of all the VUE's attributes
Starling felt the most,

and, at the same time, the least
enthusiastic about, was immortality.

Barring accidents she would outlive
her daughters and granddaughters.

Her kinship with her
great- great- granddaughters

would be so diluted that she could
scarcely claim a relationship.

She ought by then to be back on the
road, maybe starting another family.

There would be chances
to begin again.

She goes to opera
and she knows every line

She goes to Shakespeare
and she thinks him fine

She goes to the opera
she knows every line

On the long drives
to distant jazz clubs,

Starling kept an eagle eye on
the fields looking for scarecrows,

the only site to be buried in

if a VUE victim wished to
terminate a relationship with birds.

She likes to go swimming
down in Abersoch Bay

She goes to the eisteddfod
and she stays wide awake

Ipson and Pulat Fallari were brothers
in fiction and half- brothers in fact,

or, thanks to Tulse Luper,
maybe the other way around.

Either way they were inseparable.

Ipson Fallari on the right
is marginally the eldest,

his mother being Iloge Kyle, who was
the elder twin sister of Cloge Kyle

who was the mother of Pulat. The next
improbable fact is more difficult.

The 14th VUE Directory
declared the brothers to be dead,

shot in an airport hotel
in Medina Sidonia

by the only legitimate son
of their father.

The Directory is then silent
for two years

only to resurrect them
in the 17th edition,

this time spelling Ipson as Ipsan.

The father of the Fallari brothers,
Crozier Fallari Raphael,

was a feathering and marbling
caf� painter.

In 1939, he'd married
a caf� proprietor's widow

in the Carcenne District of Brussels.

To this lady he'd given a son,
Tason Raphael.

Next year, Crozier Raphael
joined the British Royal Air Force

and met the refugee Walloon twins,
Iloge and Cloge Kyle.

Crozier was killed at Dunkirk

and the Kyle twins each had
a son in the same three- hour period.

They were christened Fallari,
their father's second Christian name,

and reached their 18th birthday
before being aware

of yet another
and legitimate stepbrother.

Thinking of themselves
as twins of twins,

Ipson and Pulat believed
they possessed charmed lives,

took great physical risks, became
air couriers and learnt to fly.

They practised parachuting
and worked for a circus.

One New Year's Eve
they climbed Cologne Cathedral,

and for an encore, crossed the Rhine
jumping from ice floe to ice floe.

They ended up in the freezing water,
and against expectation, survived.

But the Violent Unknown Event
abruptly changed their luck.

From now on they were to share only
the symptoms of high blood pressure

and perfectly synchronised blackouts.

They were obliged to relinquish
their pilot's licence.

For Ipson
it was not an enormous loss.

Pulat took any chance he could to sit
at the controls of a small plane

and taxi it in small circles
until the fuel was exhausted.

Ipson spoke Allow- ease
and Pulat spoke Capistan.

Allow is terse and impersonal,
full of abbreviations and imperatives

as though invented for use
on a parade ground,

or for the writer
of instruction manuals.

Capistan is a lazy, gentle language,
spoken from the front of the mouth

and requiring unusual amounts of
saliva and exposure of the tongue.

The two languages are as remote from
one another as appears possible.

The brothers' adroit, inexhaustible
crosstalk was at an end.

Previous to the VUE,

only one event in their lives
had so come between them.

That had been Ipson's marriage
to Stachia Lacquer.

The introduction of the third party

stretched fraternal loyalties
intolerably.

After two years of impossible
situations, swapped identities

and frustrated privacy,
Stachia had walked out.

There was no way
of persuading the VUE to leave.

The half- brothers had experienced
several years of VUE's malevolence,

when, with a party of naturalists,
they visited Medina Sidonia

on a forced fuelling stop.

They befriended
the airport controller and his wife.

As was usual
when meeting strangers,

before long the Fallari brothers had
communicated their complex origins

to the amused delight
of the airport controller's wife.

At three the following morning,

the airport controller burst
into the Fallari hotel room

and shot at Ipson and Pulat
with an emergency distress pistol.

The controller
turned out to be Tason Raphael,

the Fallaris' stepbrother, the only
legitimate son of their father.

All three were found unconscious.
They'd blacked out.

The Fallaris
with high blood pressure

and the stepbrother with alcohol.

From this incident
and with assistance

from Tulse Luper's fictional account
of the Fallaris,

the Commission Directory
drew its conclusions.

A close scrutiny of a plane's
passenger list leaving the day after

would show, if not the names of Ipson
and Pulat Fallari,

then the names of
Ipson and Pulat Raphael,

save Ipson's name
had been spelt Ipsan.

(birdsong)

Stachia Lacquer
was an authority on vegetable oils.

She was a portrait photographer,
a writer and an illustrator.

Stachia finished writing and
illustrating The Tar- Barrel Crow

five years
before the Violent Unknown Event,

and three years to the day
before she met Pulat Fallari.

Stachia Lacquer had gone to Madras
to cremate her father

who had been killed
in a public disturbance.

She was drinking lemonade
on a hotel veranda

when Ipson Fallari
fell on top of her.

He'd been tightrope walking
the balustrade of the veranda above.

He was awaiting the return
of his half- brother Pulat

from conducting a party
of English naturalists in Sri Lanka.

Stachia suffered a sprained wrist,
a bruised shoulder

and a sliver of lemonade glass
had sliced into her thigh.

She was in hospital for three days.

Ipson stayed with her and
afterwards helped her to convalesce.

On Stachia's recovery,
they flew to Hamburg and got married.

Five days later, Pulat,
Ipson's half- brother, found out.

Determined not to be disturbed,
he played down its significance.

He helped them set up house
on the Vogelstrasse

opposite the statue of Haberlein,
the discoverer of archaeopteryx.

For three months, they vastly enjoyed
each other's company,

then Pulat began flying long trips,
alone to towns without airfields.

Eventually he crashed in North Africa
and broke both legs.

Ipson found him and promised
to repudiate the marriage.

For a time this worked, then Ipson
began seeing his wife again.

Again Pulat found out,
and crashed at sea.

He turned up five months later on
Smith Island in the New Hebrides.

Stachia suggested Pulat should
come and live at the Vogelstrasse.

But after months of impossible
situations, swapped identities

and frustrated privacy, Stachia could
stand it no longer and walked out.

She wrote and illustrated a story

about a wooden chair that grew
back again into a tree,

bore fruit
and propagated a forest of chairs.

The story was bought
by a seed company

and Stachia wrote
their advertising copy.

With funds from the company's
publicity account,

she built up an aviary
of tropical birds

in Mexico City and then in Amsterdam.
Before long she met Van Hoyten,

the Head of the Ornithological
Department of Amsterdam zoo

and they were living together
at the time of the VUE.

Stachia's VUE complaint is rare.
It has been diagnosed as

de faire blessure
or the opening of old wounds.

The first sign
was inflammation of the skin

around an old scar tissue
on her left elbow.

Stachia had fallen on her elbow
when she was three years old.

This was followed by the opening
of scar tissue on her ears.

Her ears had been pierced
when she was seven.

Then bleeding under her arm. Stachia
at 15 had cut herself shaving.

Scar tissue on her thigh
started to bleed

and she was brought to hospital.

It was the scar
from the Madras lemonade glass.

Stachia has spent most of her life
in hospital since then.

A recipient of blood transfusions,

prone to persistent low blood
pressure and periodic blackouts.

The Directory Certificate states
Stachia's condition was caused

by blood emulsification due to
an inability to absorb organic oils.

Stachia Fallari is registered as
an Allow speaker but rarely speaks.

Her doctor says his patient felt
that terse, impersonal Allow,

full of abbreviations and imperatives
was antipathetic to her sympathies.

She is now learning Capistan,
the language that is lazy and gentle

and requires unusual amounts of
saliva and exposure of the tongue.

Aptesia Fallarme,
for the purpose of this biography,

has been persuaded to adopt
a pseudonymous identity.

It's relevant that she chose a
bird victim who was also an actress.

In this unprofessional capacity,

Aptesia received
dedications of thanks.

Aptesia Fallarme is supposed to have
been the model for the character

Happy Enido
in Leo- dee- nine's novel A Sea- Vue.

"She could fill a warm porcelain bath
in 20 minutes,

a warm tin bath
took a little longer."

"To fill a cold tin bath in less than
an hour needed other inducements

like a view of the sea, a cow being
milked, or the sound of a waterfall."

Much has been written
about Aptesia Fallarme,

most of it exaggerated
and most of it scurrilous.

The fair- minded Tulse Luper
said, "She was a waterfall on legs."

Majority Powels said,

"She was a creature designed to
render the services of an oasis."

"The water poured from her skin,

from the corners of her mouth,
from her nose."

"As to the orifices more specialised
for the expulsion of water

the audiences
were rarely disappointed..."

"...and in the little bathrooms
of the suburbs,

the water splashed upon the carpet

and they clapped
and threw coins into the bath."

"In summer she was asked to stand on
bare patches of lawn in the garden."

Aptesia herself was responsible for
part of her exaggerated reputation.

Within months of the VUE,
she was travelling far and wide,

exploiting her new characteristics

at disreputable fairgrounds,
obscure cabarets and eventually

in the house of a photographer
in Barons Court, West London,

where Leo- dee- nine
must have seen her.

"The opening of an umbrella
was enough."

"Every minute this human waterfall
would shake her body like a dog

and wring out her hair."

"HE Carter
would run in with a dressing gown

embroidered with a running faucet."

"At the clinic, she was kept away
from the radiators

as she soon fogged the room."

"She got locked
in the surgery cold store

and an orderly had to chip
away the ice with a nail file."

"After an appearance at Palm Springs,
she collapsed,

suffering from nervous exhaustion
and obesity."

"The hospital arranged a programme
to regulate her output."

"Then, against advice,
she allowed her name

to be used by
a plastic- swimming- pool manufacturer

and the hospital discharged her."

Aptesia's latest and much publicised
ambition is to have a baby,

though she is frightened
that the baby might drown at birth.

Starting at the buzzer,
in 30 seconds

name as many birds
as you can think of.

(buzzer)

Partridge, parrot, peacock, bluetit,
coal tit, willow tit, bearded tit,

marsh tit, long- tailed tit,
great tit, woodcock...

One factor that influenced
the selection of names

for all the other
Violent Unknown Event victims

was a collection of interviews filmed
18 months before the VUE

by Erhaus Bewler Falluper.

...whooper swan...
- (buzzer)

Starting at the buzzer,
in 30 seconds,

tell me as much as you can
about the emu.

(buzzer)

The emu
is the national bird of Australia...

Falluper, a statistician interested
in assessing the public's knowledge,

conducted one particular survey
by asking 41 interviewees

three elementary
ornithological questions.

To assure a random sample,
Falluper chose to use all the names

in the same Public Records Office
file as himself.

Seven of these 41 subjects
later became VUE victims.

And Corntopia Fallas was one of them.

Although happy for us to use material
of her filmed before the VUE,

Corntopia had no wish to be
photographed at the present time

for her sleep would be disturbed.

For Corntopia spends the cold months
in hibernation in this cottage

a few miles from the Boulder Orchard
on the Lleyn Peninsula.

The VUE had lowered Corntopia's
body temperature

and slowed her circulation.
She suffered badly from the cold.

She was happiest when asleep
and she dreamt of water.

The dreams, said her doctor,

compensated for her
experiences of the Event,

when she had been
rescued from a serious forest fire.

You can see the black part there...

Rapper Begol, Second Custodian
of the Boulder Orchard

and friend of Corntopia's,

was working as a Forestry
Commissioner at the time of the VUE.

- He remembers the fire.
- We thought we'd won the battle.

The wind changed,
whipped the fire up again.

It started going round the hill.

About the first of May, Corntopia
emerges from her hibernation,

and needing little sleep in summer,

is prepared to work
up to 18 hours a day

on the weekly WSPB magazine,
The Rooster.

Starting at the buzzer,
in 30 seconds,

name as many birds as you can
that start with W.

(buzzer)

Whooper swan, widgeon, wagtail...

To announce Corntopia's return
the magazine printed on its cover

a photograph of the will or the
poor- will, known as the sleeper,

a bird that lay dormant for weeks
without detectable heartbeat

in the cliff crevices
of the Sierra Nevada.

...wagtail.

In case of reprisal associated
with the death of his two wives,

Anteo Fallaspy made use of a VUE
Commission pseudonymous identity.

At the time of the VUE,
Anteo Fallaspy was in Germany.

A trained philologian, inventor of
fictitious languages and a traveller,

he carried a camera to record his
enthusiasm for the written word.

(whispering)

On the night of the VUE, he was
in Stuttgart at the Hotel Mack.

Anteo received retractable thumbs,

soft, serrated, fleshy earlobes
and a six- part heart.

Registered as a public speaker of
Capistan and privately of Althuese,

his major language credential
is as inventor of Hartileas B.

Anteo Fallaspy's interest
in this new language

has nothing to do
with the normal ambition

of creating
the invidious universal language,

but is about furthering
communication with vertebrates,

mainly birds and their precursors,
the reptiles,

along the lines anticipated
by Messiaen and Max Ernst.

Anteo had undergone
an operation on his tongue

to reshape the spaces of his mouth
to approximately coincide

with the proportions of the
singing apparatus of the starling.

He chose the starling for the
variety of noises it could make,

its ability to mimic, its dual
plumage and its sociability.

Anteo travelled, extolling
the virtues of his pioneer language

and persuading converts to remedy the
defects of their ill- shaped throats.

He persuaded the operation
on his associates with mixed results

and the death of both of his wives
aroused public suspicion.

Although cleared of their deaths,
Anteo declined to marry a third time,

considering his marriage certificate
to be a guarantee of fatality.

Pandist Fallaspy,

biography sub judice, pending
investigation for embezzlement

from the World Society
for the Protection of Birds.

It's awfully considerate of you
to think of me here...

Three years after the VUE,

Anteo Fallaspy was in Holland
with his camera.

He met music and language teacher
Sashio Tempesta in Amsterdam,

where they were at
a linguistics conference.

They travelled through Holland
and married at Valkenswaard.

The Directory states Sashio
had webbed underarms,

a bone- marrow deficiency,
a scratched face

and that she is a dreamer,
Category One. Water. Flight.

She is also a sufferer
of apr�s- radiance,

a radiant, flushed condition
after exertion and stress.

Sashio was converted to the use
of Hartileas B by her husband

and had alterations
made to her mouth cavities

to better accommodate the shrill
characteristics of that language.

She accepted an invitation to train
with the birds on Bardsey Island

off the Lleyn Peninsula.

In good weather, the boat trip
to Bardsey lasts about 20 minutes.

The small boat, laden with books,
surgical instruments,

a cello, a portable harmonium,

a tea chest of cosmetics and
valuable recording equipment, sank.

Only the helmsman escaped, saying the
boat had been attacked by cormorants

soon after his lady passenger
started singing and shrieking.

It was presumed that Sashio
had been practising Hartileas B.

Sashio's decomposing body
washed ashore four days later.

It still shone with apr�s- radiance,

so excessive had been her
physical determination not to die.

Three years after the death
of his first wife, Anteo Fallaspy

was in Paris recording his enthusiasm
for the written word,

and teaching Hartileas B at
the French Ornithological Institute.

The Institute allocated Anteo
an assistant, Vyanine Entasis.

Thanks to the VUE,
Vyanine was a speaker of Ipostan,

suffered intestinal blockages,
was allergic to the house- dust mite

and had an incurable desire to stay
in a different place every night

and never to eat two successive meals
at the same table.

She married Anteo for the opportunity
to travel that he represented.

Vyanine had been a student
of linguistics at Cairo

and had a working knowledge
of some ten different VUE languages.

She studied with Parmitter
on the Ayers Rock graffiti

and with Tulse Luper
on the bogus Olduvai Papers.

Any likelihood that she was overawed
by Hartileas B was remote.

After the marriage, Anteo and
Vyanine were awarded a grant

to study the song
of the aurally dull godwit

on its long- range migration
around the world.

They had made plans to travel
to Australia, Antarctica,

Alaska and Hawaii, when Vyanine was
knocked down by an electioneering van

in the Rue des Oiseaux.

Making too slow a recovery
for her own liking,

Vyanine discharged herself
from the hospital.

Travelling by metro
to the flat of a friend,

she had a relapse in the Rue Moineau.

The ambulance taking her to hospital
was delayed by crowds

and Vyanine died, officially outside
the Caf� Hirondelle,

unofficially
opposite the Caf� Renard.

One, two, three, four...

Capercaillie,

lammergeyer,

cassowary...

Castenarm Fallast, occasional
pianist, professional indexer

and itinerant propagandist
for a well- known opera company.

The VUE
has not impaired his livelihood

but has widened his outlook on birds.

... dotterel,

pratincol,

phalarope,

sanderling,

bufflehead, tanager...

Castenarm acknowledges the Theory
of the Responsibility of Birds

and believes the epicentre
of the Violent Unknown Event

was the Goldhawk Road,
Hammersmith, West London.

Somewhere on this western section
there are two places, maybe three,

where the epicentre of epicentres
might have been situated.

The first
is Stamford Brook Underground.

And the second
is The Raven public house.

27 people died in the lounge bar
on the night of the Event

and 14 had died in the saloon
on the morning after.

Seven more had been variously blinded
in the beer garden at the back.

Capercaillie,

lammergeyer,

cassowary...

The VUE has introduced Castenarm to
insulin, Ventolin and praemocetylene,

widened his feet
so that he now takes a larger shoe,

and has given him arthritis.

He now indexes for a publisher of
popular ornithological literature.

... sora,

grosbeak,

hawfinch,

lanner,

barbet,

lory,

mooruk, trogon...

A third possible VUE epicentre
is this maternity hospital

where 30 children born
in the 24 hours following the VUE

all showed a physiology
that would suggest flight.

... scoter,

chukar,

killdeer...

In celebration of the Goldhawk Road,
Castenarm researched the indices

of the ornithological text books
sent to him by the publisher,

and compiled a list of the 92 most
unfamiliar bird names he could find.

With this list he is hoping
to achieve several ambitions.

One is to find
a sympathetic composer

willing to use the bird list
as the libretto for an opera.

Ardenaur Fallatter died at sunset

on the 17th anniversary
of the Violent Unknown Event.

The VUE had increased his stature,
and had given him nine lives

the first four of which
he used in the Gabon,

diving off the Letoke cliffs
to rescue VUE suicides.

The remaining five lives,
along with details of his biography,

became the property
of the United African Congress,

who persuaded Fallatter to export
his skill at exhibitionist- jumping.

Fallatter lost his ninth life

leaping from a grain store
into a barley field

at a VUE flying gala
at Stowe in Cheshire.

His body was flown back to the Gabon,
and fulfilling his last wishes,

it was ceremoniously
thrown off the Letoke cliffs.

Agropio Fallaver alone
represented the 92nd language.

His language
began and ended with him.

He was classified as a middle- aged
female man and he spoke Fallaver.

That is
to state the fact three times,

and make up for the incomprehension
he was treated with for so long.

But at present, no further facts can
be published, broadcast or used

until he and his unique language
have been totally investigated.

It has been suggested that Agropio
is an unsuspecting vehicle for FOX,

the Society
for Ornithological Extermination.

Despite attempts
to amalgamate them into one person

there have in fact been three
Cissie Colpitts in Goole since 1931.

Propine Fallax
is chronologically the third.

The accident of a marriage licence
got her into the survey,

which is fitting,
for she was President

of the Goole Water Tower Film Vault,
home of the VUE Commission's archive.

Cissie Propine Colpitts grew up
in the streets around the water tower

and must have known many
of the Yorkshire cameramen

who made up
the Goole Experimental Film Society.

The original brick water tower,
the Pepper, built in the 1900s

became inadequate
for Goole's growing population

and in 1933 a new and larger
concrete tower, the Salt,

was erected by the Humber Authority
on allotment land

leased from Propine's grandmother.

The tower filld the space between
the railway line and an abattoir.

The tower was bequeathed to Propine
on her fifth birthday

on the understanding that
the rents were paid into an account

whereby half the interest

was available for the Goole
and District Camera Society

and the other half
paid for dancing lessons.

The second Goole Cissie Colpitts

married a bicycle manufacturer
and moved to York.

She bequeathed her local film
material collection to her namesake.

It was stored in hen coops,
in the abattoir

and in the base
of the old brick tower.

Propine, worried
about the collection deteriorating,

felt it imperative
to find it a permanent home.

In 1951, due to demand for yet more
water, the tower became obsolete,

and after a two- year conversion,
Propine, on her 18th birthday,

reopened it as a film vault.

On the night of the VUE, along with
Arturo Fallax, owner of the abattoir,

Cissie Colpitts was on top
of the tower with some friends

watching the fires at Hull,

when she fainted
and began to bleed from the mouth.

She now suffers from anaemia,
splayed thumbs and vertigo,

and to underline her new aversion
to the darkness of cinemas

she has made a clean break
with her past,

changing her Christian name by deed
poll and her surname by marriage.

Biography number 28
has been meagrely reconstructed

from evidence found in an overturned
car, licence number NID 301.

The occupant,

inconclusively identified from
laundry marks on his underwear,

was a middle- aged man
with red hair.

The carrion crow
has a deep, hoarse caw

that often punctuates
the other bird sounds of March.

Evidence
of the VUE's influence on the body,

an engorged throat
and petagium fellitis,

were obscured by
injuries sustained at the accident.

It's possible that Cash Fallbaez
was the victim of bird strike.

A large white bird, probably a swan,
maybe two swans,

had smashed the windscreen.
On the seat beside the body

was a shopping list
written in the VUE language O- Lev- Lit

and a commercial recording
of birdsong.

Sometimes in February and March,

you can hear a strident motor- horn
note from the crow as well.

(crow caws like a motor- horn)

Antopody Fallbats.

Biography sub judice pending
cruelty- to- birds investigation.

The Directory has registered
Coppice Fallbatteo

as an Italian- speaking
young male man,

though the VUE
has taken away his teeth,

made him short of breath,
flattened his nose,

made him allergic to cats and rats,

changed his balance
and restructured his colon,

it had left him with the language he
had learnt as a two- year- old child.

Coppice wished it had not.

Coppice tried very hard to learn
one of the VUE languages

but ambitiously
he had chosen Betelguese,

the language of unlimited vocabulary

and rapidly changing
grammar and syntax.

As fast as he had mastered
one small area of its possibilities,

he found that the same area
had developed,

aligned with a new set of meanings
or had become entirely obsolete.

Dispirited, Coppice had made
a hesitant start on Katan,

one of the more popularly spoken
of the mutant languages.

But his experience with Betelguese

was like studying
a consonant alphabet of two letters

after experiencing
a vowel alphabet of 200.

Coppice was an art historian who,

trying to make a novel
cultural theory out of the VUE,

had wholeheartedly taken to the idea
of the Responsibility of Birds.

After exploring the significance
of birds in European painting,

Coppice focused his interest
on Francesca's Brera Virgin,

also known as the Egg Painting.

Coppice knew everything
about this painting.

Its conception, mathematics,
the constituents of its colours,

the hagiography of its saints,

its value in lire, dollars,
gold and osprey feathers.

The centre of all this fascination
was the suspended egg,

to Coppice, the symbol
of the Violent Unknown Event,

and the one perplexing feature
for which he had no explanation.

Coppice asked his students to copy
the painting and kept the results,

some bad, some indifferent,

some eccentric,
some three or four inspired,

two almost impossible
to tell from the original

and one considerably better, painted
by a girl who spoke Betelguese.

Her name, Adioner Perdona.

When Coppice had first tried
to learn Betelguese,

"Adioner" could be translated
into Italian to mean "yellow".

At the time Coppice began to take
an interest in the della Francesca,

the word had shifted its meaning
to suggest the concept of yolk,

and when Adioner had told Coppice
her name it had meant "embryo".

The coincidence
was too great for Coppice

and his wish to possess, marry
and own Adioner was violent.

He found a reason to fail her
in her finals exam,

and under the excuse
of giving her extra tuition,

he won her confidence
and seduced her. She had a child.

Coppice had the boy fostered
by his married sister

and had him christened
Piero dell'Adioner.

By that time "Adioner" in Betelguese

could only legitimately be translated
into Italian as "egg".

Agrendo Fallbazz.
Drowned in a ship's swimming pool.

Bereavement clause
honoured for 16 weeks.

Full biography
in later versions of The Falls.

Cisgatten Fallbazz
lived off the Goldhawk Road

in a house
fronted by a monkey- puzzle tree.

He was a designer and manufacturer
of VUE novelties.

Soon after the VUE, Cisgatten had
bought a licence to sell bird hats

and made avian upholstery
for several years

until the Responsibility of Birds
Theory became commonplace.

He turned to
the children's toy market,

and in partnership with his brother,
Agrendo, was very successful.

Thanks to the VUE, Cisgatten
was obliged to wear rubber gloves

to stop his hands from drying out.

The VUE also robbed him of his
sense of smell and impaired his sight

though apparently not at night.

His enemies and competitors
called him Moreau Fallbazz

and accused him
of experimenting on birds

to make the
species interchangeable.

They hinted he kept owls
illegally at his house

and that his brother had committed
suicide for fear of prosecution.

The brothers bought a cottage on the
Lleyn Peninsula, since burnt down,

where Cisgatten had met
Cathine Fallbutus as a child.

They had both gone to the same
primary school in the Goldhawk Road.

Against his brother's opposition
Cisgatten proposed marriage to her.

Now that his brother
was out of the way,

Cisgatten is keen to approach
Cathine Fallbutus a second time.

The Violent Unknown Event

concentrated its vehemence
on the head, face and neck

of Hasp Fallbazz.

Inoperable glaucoma, muscular
collapse and skin discoloration

had persuaded Hasp to wear a mask.

For this film he asked that he might
use the face of Jean- Paul Marat.

He agreed to an interview under
conditions of his own choosing.

Hasp Fallbazz was a U- thalian-
speaking convert from Entr�e.

Hasp made the difficult language
conversion from Entr�e to U- thalian

as his interests
were mechanical and technological

and Entr�e
had lacked even a word for "wheel".

The sketchy introductory nature of
that language well deserved its name.

As a dreamer- of- water, Category One,
Flight, it was not lost on Hasp

that U- thalian also had
47 words for water,

each one describing it in less than
three syllables and under 14 letters,

for various of its states,
like its purity, scarcity,

temperature, weight, salinity,
iridescence, distance from the sea,

height above sea level, colour,
rapidity of movement and its age.

Hasp has respiratory problems,
is lame in the left leg

and is partly paralysed
in the left arm.

He has been advised to keep exertion
to a minimum, to eat no meat,

avoid the dark and stay near water.

Catuso Phelpus has said

it is fortunate Hasp is
creatively interested in technology,

especially hydraulics,

for these irritating prohibitions
could be eased to an extent

by machinery of his own invention.

Hasp's machines, drawings and patents

are die- stamped with the emblems
of an inverted left leg,

taken, according to HE Carter,

from the last evidence of the birdmen
in Breughel's Death of lcarus.

Rapper Begol has stated
that after years of experiment,

Hasp made a claim
that he was able to grow bone

and manufacture feathers.

He works alone and is financially
supported by the WSPB,

and the Kite Association, who send
a weekly cheque from the Yellow Bank,

a fund financed
by the sale of kites in China.

(artillery fires)

Thanks to the Violent Unknown Event,
Canopy Fallbenning was immortally 83.

She spoke Abcadefghan,

and her favourite Tulse Luper story
was The Cassowary.

(speaks foreign language)

During the First World War,

she worked in an armaments
factory at Stoke,

and suffered
from sympathetic tinnitus.

(artillery fires)

The VUE had neither ameliorated or
exaggerated the tinnitus in any way

but had regulated it
to a cycle of 30 seconds.

Canopy could time an egg by it.

To suit her pragmatism

and perhaps allow her
some measure of self- retribution

Canopy gave the VUE an explosive
origin, no doubt man- made.

She kept a diary and with home- made
inks whose strength waxed and waned,

wrote authoritatively
about everything.

(artillery fires)

For example, at a time
when the ink was running strong,

she argued
about the sexual quadrimorphism

that was a perplexing characteristic
of the VUE.

She was old enough to have
read Tulse Luper's Quadruple Fruit

and saw the implications
of quadruple bonding

in the Violent Unknown Event's
division of two orthodox sexes

into a heterodox four.

(artillery fires)

However,
Canopy believed the division,

like so much else about the VUE,
had been inconclusive, even bungled.

There had been too much indecision,
too much hesitancy.

There was no clear role for the four
newly formulated genders.

The original explosion perhaps
had not been strong enough,

had been sidetracked
by unnecessary adjuncts

like compound articulacy
and immortality.

Canopy's original insistence
on the VUE's incompetence

mellowed as each 83rd birthday
passed by.

It took a strong personal event
to revive it.

Like the death of a daughter,

when she wrote
of a god who was a charlatan,

an inexperienced quack whose
sense of time was irresponsible.

Three days after this entry
she relented a little

and put the unsatisfactory
incompleteness of the VUE's efforts

down to a god who had suffered
the loss of a necessary skill.

A day later,
in a pale and yellowing ink,

she softened more,
and wrote that it was difficult

for one magician to accomplish
successfully another's magic.

At a perpetual 83, her problems were
not going to involve reproduction.

She was determined
to enjoy immortality

and to reserve her splenetic attacks
for agents of the VUE Commission,

especially those who believed
in the Responsibility of Birds.

Cole Fallbird.

Biography sub judice pending trial
for misconduct with a mynah.

It's a good field. It runs
from a north- south direction...

Before the Violent Unknown Event,

Castel Fallboys was a competent pilot
and a hang- glider enthusiast,

happy to discuss
his enthusiasm on film.

After the VUE, Castel's ability
at both skills became phenomenal.

The VUE added four inches
to his height, shed him of 3 stone,

encouraged hair growth,
raised his blood temperature,

shortened his vocal cords
and taught him Instantaneous Dekis.

...where you just take off
and become part of the elements.

Castel achieved his significant
personalised flight

by a prodigious mastery of technique
and by the use of new materials.

He was able to stay in the air
for long periods,

his record was five days
and four nights

and his longest recorded
flight being 917 miles.

...designs into computers and getting
much better designs out of computers.

His skill at assessing
weather conditions,

and his ability to manoeuvre
in poor visibility were not equalled.

He left his competitors so far behind
that his skill isolated him.

He bricked up
the doorways of his house

making it compulsory for himself
to enter by the roof.

To minimise muscular growth
that would inhibit flying

he used his legs seldom, until
his gait resembled a starling.

Castel developed a great restlessness
at every change in the weather

and on autumn nights accompanied
migrating birds far out to sea,

always turning back
with the greatest reluctance.

To extend his range
and comparability with birds,

Castel ruthlessly streamlined
his body by exercise and diet,

growing very lean in the leg,
muscular in the shoulders,

long in the arm
and short in the neck.

He was finally
and fatally caught out.

Flying with a flock of terns, he
banked too steeply, too sharply,

too suddenly and broke his neck.

His corpse dropped like a stone
into the sea at Hell's Mouth

and his last pair of nylon wings
are preserved at Slimbridge.

Acataloope Fallbus. A last- minute
entry into the VUE Directory

due to very late- developing symptoms.

No details of biography
as yet available.

Of all European countries affected
by the Violent Unknown Event,

France has only a known total
of 512 victims

and on investigation it seems only
seven of these were French by birth.

The VUE Commission have put forward
various reasons for this immunity

and rejected them all.

The A�rospace Nationale
have suggested

that France had already paid
an excessive quota of flight victims

in the early days
of experimental flying.

(speaks Italian)

Was anything wrong with the car?

The Italian Institute of Languages

hypothesised that
the French language is responsible.

...30 mph.
- Had you been here before?

No. It was the first time
and this is the second.

Astraham and Loosely Fallbute

were touring on holiday in central
France at the time of the Event.

On the night of June 12th they were
driving on a little- used road

near Voile d'Argent
when their car stopped.

The clock on the dashboard showed
11:41, Greenwich Mean Time.

Is this the place where it happened?

Yes. The engine stalled
and the car stopped.

Astraham Fallbute, formerly
a designer of sports facilities,

is now a designer
of hospital equipment.

Loosely Fallbute, once a cosmetician,
is now a catalogue researcher.

Did you have any sensation,
any clue what had happened?

The Fallbutes
both began to speak Cathanay

within 24 hours
of the Violent Unknown Event.

Loosely Fallbute was employed
by an insurance firm

to examine a possible topographical
pattern in VUE incidents.

Among the many sites receiving her
especial attention were number 23,

the maternity hospital
in the London Goldhawk Road,

with special reference
to delivery room seven.

Number 37, room number three
of the Commission's own library.

The room was once the office
of a film- production company

specialising
in ornithological projects.

And site number 59,

the intersection of Broad Street
and the Yarmouth Road, Norwich.

Appreciating firsthand accounts
in her research,

Loosely was happy to help
the Italian Linguistics Laboratory

investigate the paucity of VUE
incidence in France.

What happened then?

Astraham, now an authority on the
rehabilitation of VUE paraplegics,

suffered from partial paralysis and
was keen to aid his wife's research

on sites where there had been
a high toll of VUE malignancy

appearing as muscle collapse
or muscle deterioration.

As at site number 119,

the railway bridge and electricity
station at Cloudheath, Suffolk,

where Tulse Luper says the
information on signs is significant.

And site number 171 at Fountains
Abbey, near Ripon, Yorkshire,

where 310 people complained of sudden
and involuntary muscle paralysis

which intermittently froze
their lower limbs.

Both Astraham and Loosely
share certain VUE symptoms

suggesting that proximity to a site
or another victim might be relevant.

Most noticeable in the Fallbute case
is the matching skin discoloration.

The Fallbute pulled themselves
together and drove on

and at about midnight
they arrived in Nevers

where a film company was
making a film about a holocaust

and the Fallbutes were not surprised
to be taken for extras.

Six members of the Fallbutus family
living in England

are registered victims
of the Violent Unknown Event.

They have an especial relevance
to this study of the VUE

by owning property near
the two main accredited VUE centres,

off the Goldhawk Road, London

and near the Tyddyn- Corn Farm
on the Lleyn Peninsula.

Betheda Fallbutus had come to England
with her American husband

to take advantage of the Welfare
State to raise a large family.

She wanted the best gynaecological
attention she could find,

anticipating labour pains to rival
a wren laying the eggs of an ostrich.

So she insisted on being close to the
Maternity Hospital in Goldhawk Road.

Betheda had been
an air hostess, a milliner

and the owner of a restaurant.

She had flown too often,
wasted too many feathers

and cooked too many chickens.

On her admission, sufficient excuse
for herself and her family

to be plagued by the VUE
in both their houses.

The family lived in various
apartments along the Goldhawk Road

whilst they continued the search
for a family home.

After the birth
of her only daughter, Cathine,

Betheda's husband inherited
his parents' Lleyn farmhouse

where Betheda could recuperate
from further pregnancies.

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