Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,361 --> 00:00:14,561
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
2
00:01:09,561 --> 00:01:11,241
(HORN HONKS)
3
00:01:11,401 --> 00:01:14,121
Just leave the keys in it, Stan!
4
00:01:14,281 --> 00:01:15,961
Alright!
5
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:54,961
(TYRES SCREECH)
6
00:02:15,361 --> 00:02:16,561
You missed him, Vonnie.
7
00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:18,481
Ah, well.
8
00:02:18,641 --> 00:02:21,161
Not to worry, Ralph. I'll get him.
9
00:02:26,281 --> 00:02:27,721
Morning, Ralph.
10
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,641
You should learn to relax, Fred.
11
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:33,481
I just thought I'd better make sure
these silly buggers didn't kill themselves.
12
00:02:33,641 --> 00:02:35,441
Don't pull on it!
13
00:02:35,601 --> 00:02:37,641
Well, let go of it, then.
14
00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:39,601
RALPH: You're doing a great job, mate.
15
00:02:39,761 --> 00:02:42,561
MAN: Let me do it.
MAN 2: Do it yourself, then.
16
00:02:43,561 --> 00:02:46,001
(SIGHS) Bloody women.
17
00:02:48,241 --> 00:02:50,801
MAN: Hey, Vincie.
18
00:02:50,961 --> 00:02:53,601
G'day. Bitch!
19
00:02:53,761 --> 00:02:55,681
You look happy, Vince.
Did you win the lottery?
20
00:02:56,921 --> 00:02:57,761
Cow.
21
00:02:57,921 --> 00:02:59,801
Vincent.
Hello, Father.
22
00:02:59,961 --> 00:03:03,441
Ooh, Vincent, looks like being
a beautiful day.
23
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,121
Yeah.
24
00:03:26,841 --> 00:03:28,481
Ralph?
25
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,961
RALPH: G'day, Vincie.
26
00:03:30,121 --> 00:03:33,561
Well, mate, she's really
shafted me this time.
27
00:03:33,721 --> 00:03:35,761
Ah, the wife again, eh?
28
00:03:35,921 --> 00:03:39,521
Ex-wife, as she's only
too quick to point out.
29
00:03:39,681 --> 00:03:41,761
Look what I found in my post office box
this morning.
30
00:03:41,801 --> 00:03:43,481
Oh, just tell me, mate.
31
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:46,481
I promised Dan the Man
I'd have this fixed by lunchtime.
32
00:03:46,641 --> 00:03:49,401
It's a letter from that shonky
city accountant of hers.
33
00:03:49,561 --> 00:03:51,081
I knew they had some scheme going,
34
00:03:51,241 --> 00:03:53,401
some income average
and off-bloody-shore thing.
35
00:03:53,561 --> 00:03:55,441
I don't know.
I just went along with it.
36
00:03:55,601 --> 00:03:57,601
Now the chickens
are coming home to roost,
37
00:03:57,761 --> 00:03:59,641
and they owe years in back taxes.
38
00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:02,361
Fantastic, mate.
She had it coming to her.
39
00:04:02,521 --> 00:04:04,281
She has nothing coming to her.
40
00:04:04,441 --> 00:04:06,281
I do.
How come?
41
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,761
I don't know how they did it.
42
00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:10,761
I just signed
whatever they put in front of me.
43
00:04:10,921 --> 00:04:12,481
I mean, she was me wife. I trusted her.
44
00:04:12,561 --> 00:04:14,641
Pity she didn't feel
the same way about you.
45
00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:18,801
I thought she did when they insisted
that all the companies be in my name
46
00:04:18,961 --> 00:04:23,001
so on paper, it looks like
I've earned all this bloody money.
47
00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:25,601
Well, obviously, you didn't.
No, mate.
48
00:04:25,761 --> 00:04:28,361
She got the money, I get the tax.
49
00:04:28,521 --> 00:04:30,761
Now the bloody tax department's
coming after me.
50
00:04:31,801 --> 00:04:33,641
Gee, Vincie.
51
00:04:35,361 --> 00:04:37,761
I mean, it wasn't like
she didn't do well out of the divorce.
52
00:04:37,921 --> 00:04:40,921
I mean, she took virtually everything
with her when she left.
53
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:44,161
Yeah, but then it was all hers
in the first place, wasn't it?
54
00:04:44,321 --> 00:04:46,161
Well, yeah, but it was a partnership.
55
00:04:46,321 --> 00:04:49,401
She had the capital.
I provided the professional expertise.
56
00:04:49,561 --> 00:04:51,761
Yeah, well, at least
she left you the picture theatre.
57
00:04:51,921 --> 00:04:54,241
Yeah, lucky me.
More trouble than it's worth.
58
00:04:54,401 --> 00:04:57,401
Why not sell it, then?
Sell me theatre?
59
00:04:57,561 --> 00:05:00,441
It's the only bloody thing
I've got left in the world.
60
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:03,561
Won't even have that
if I get socked with this tax bill.
61
00:05:05,321 --> 00:05:09,041
I'm not kidding, mate. Things keep
going like this, I won't see the year out.
62
00:05:09,201 --> 00:05:11,361
Join the club.
You're doing OK.
63
00:05:11,521 --> 00:05:13,481
Oh, I got plenty of work on.
But, you know...
64
00:05:13,641 --> 00:05:16,481
Mate, you got to start
charging the going rate.
65
00:05:16,641 --> 00:05:18,881
Stop letting people put it on the slate.
66
00:05:19,041 --> 00:05:21,201
We're not the only ones
doing it tough, you know.
67
00:05:21,361 --> 00:05:23,161
How's it going?
Oh, she's done, mate.
68
00:05:23,321 --> 00:05:26,041
The carbie was running a bit lean.
What do I owe you?
69
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,801
Oh, don't worry about it,
it only took five minutes.
70
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:31,041
Get off me!
Get off me!
71
00:05:31,201 --> 00:05:33,681
Can't you two keep
your hands off each other?
72
00:05:33,841 --> 00:05:35,321
Pair of pansies!
73
00:05:36,321 --> 00:05:37,961
I'll drop you some tomatoes later.
74
00:05:38,121 --> 00:05:39,321
Yeah, mate.
75
00:05:40,321 --> 00:05:41,721
Tomatoes.
76
00:05:42,761 --> 00:05:44,041
(CLINKING SOUND)
77
00:05:44,201 --> 00:05:48,681
Can I have your attention, please?
Mr Coulston. Mr Quirk.
78
00:05:48,841 --> 00:05:51,201
OK.
79
00:05:51,361 --> 00:05:54,361
Ladies and gentlemen,
distinguished guests.
80
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:58,081
Father Delaney, Counsellor Rogers.
Feel free to get on with it, love.
81
00:05:58,241 --> 00:06:00,401
As you are all well aware,
82
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:04,081
the Firemen's Ball and the
St Patrick's Women's Auxiliary Ball
83
00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,561
are usually held at different times.
84
00:06:06,721 --> 00:06:08,081
There's a reason for that.
85
00:06:08,241 --> 00:06:11,201
WOMAN: But this year,
we've decided to combine the two.
86
00:06:11,361 --> 00:06:13,881
RALPH: They felt the firies
were having too much fun.
87
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,321
WOMAN: So...
88
00:06:15,481 --> 00:06:18,521
..Father Delaney
and his Ladies' Committee
89
00:06:18,681 --> 00:06:20,921
will be in charge
of organising the catering.
90
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,441
Does it involve loaves
and fishes, Father?
91
00:06:23,601 --> 00:06:24,441
Mr Williams.
92
00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:29,041
In the unlikely event that you actually
have something worthwhile to add,
93
00:06:29,201 --> 00:06:32,641
would you please raise your hand
and not just interject?
94
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,121
Mr Coulston.
95
00:06:35,281 --> 00:06:37,441
Yourself and the fire brigade
96
00:06:37,601 --> 00:06:40,401
will be responsible
for ticket production and sales.
97
00:06:40,561 --> 00:06:43,361
Uh, sorry, Faith.
I think Ralph has something to add.
98
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,001
Loser.
Idiot.
99
00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:52,761
You weren't up
to your usual form, mate.
100
00:06:52,921 --> 00:06:54,401
Oh...
101
00:06:54,561 --> 00:06:57,961
Now, is everyone clear
as to who's doing what?
102
00:06:58,121 --> 00:07:00,401
Well, we certainly know
who's doing all the talking.
103
00:07:00,561 --> 00:07:03,241
Mr Hopgood, you and Mr Williams
just make sure
104
00:07:03,401 --> 00:07:05,361
you've got the old fire truck
right for the night.
105
00:07:05,481 --> 00:07:07,401
No worries, Faith.
106
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,241
You boys are wicked.
107
00:07:11,361 --> 00:07:13,481
I'd better go and milk the moo cows.
108
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,721
Those bawdy calves you gave me
are going well, Stan.
109
00:07:15,881 --> 00:07:17,281
STAN: Good, good.
110
00:07:17,441 --> 00:07:20,881
You got a show tonight?
Oh, 8:00, mate.
111
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,521
Well, have a good one.
Yeah.
112
00:07:23,681 --> 00:07:25,921
Maybe things will look better
in the morning.
113
00:07:26,081 --> 00:07:28,441
Yeah, let's hope so.
114
00:07:29,601 --> 00:07:31,561
(SIGHS)
115
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:34,401
(FILM SOUNDTRACK PLAYS)
116
00:08:43,761 --> 00:08:45,361
Morning, Shirley.
117
00:08:46,641 --> 00:08:48,001
Hello, Emily.
118
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,041
See you on Sunday.
119
00:08:50,201 --> 00:08:52,001
VONNIE: It's the new guy.
120
00:08:52,161 --> 00:08:54,441
He just throws the mailbag
onto the veranda
121
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:56,361
with no respect at all for the contents.
122
00:08:56,521 --> 00:08:59,081
Here we are, Jack.
That's $6.75, thank you.
123
00:08:59,241 --> 00:09:02,961
Here you go. I'll keep an eye out.
I might catch him speeding.
124
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,241
3 plus 7, that's 10.
Thanks, love.
125
00:09:06,401 --> 00:09:09,561
Do you want to post that, Father?
I certainly do, my dear.
126
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:12,721
By the way, Yvonne,
Gloria Murphy dropped me a line
127
00:09:12,881 --> 00:09:14,241
from Paris about her trip.
128
00:09:14,401 --> 00:09:17,121
And she's sending me
some holy water from Lourdes,
129
00:09:17,281 --> 00:09:19,081
God bless her soul, for my arthritis.
130
00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:21,241
Do you think you could keep
an eye out for it?
131
00:09:21,401 --> 00:09:22,881
YVONNE: Of course, Father.
132
00:09:23,041 --> 00:09:25,561
I'll be with you in a minute, Vince.
133
00:09:25,721 --> 00:09:27,041
Oh, no hurry, Vonnie.
134
00:09:27,201 --> 00:09:28,401
Hi, Jack.
Hey, Vince.
135
00:09:28,561 --> 00:09:29,761
Father.
Vincent.
136
00:09:29,921 --> 00:09:32,817
JACK: I suppose you'll be putting us
to shame at the ball as usual, Father.
137
00:09:32,841 --> 00:09:35,881
DELANEY: Oh, get out, Jack.
It's the only dancing I get these days.
138
00:09:36,041 --> 00:09:39,081
JACK: I noticed the banner went up
yesterday. Should bring a few people in.
139
00:09:39,241 --> 00:09:40,681
Hey, Vincie?
Yeah.
140
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,961
Money's on the counter, Vonnie.
141
00:09:58,881 --> 00:10:01,481
VINCE: I've got it, Ralph. I have got it.
142
00:10:01,641 --> 00:10:03,601
RALPH: Got what?
The answer.
143
00:10:03,761 --> 00:10:05,121
What's the question?
144
00:10:05,281 --> 00:10:07,521
You know, me tax problem.
Look at this.
145
00:10:07,681 --> 00:10:09,561
The government's just passed this bill.
146
00:10:09,721 --> 00:10:12,641
Politics. You know I don't vote.
147
00:10:12,801 --> 00:10:15,681
Yeah, but you do know
there's an election this year, right?
148
00:10:15,841 --> 00:10:17,761
Yeah, I know. I just don't care.
149
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:20,921
Yeah, well, it says here this one's
going to be a real neck-and-neck race.
150
00:10:21,081 --> 00:10:22,601
Yeah, but why would you vote?
151
00:10:22,761 --> 00:10:24,401
A politician might get in.
152
00:10:25,401 --> 00:10:26,721
Can you just listen?
153
00:10:26,881 --> 00:10:28,321
They reckon it'll be so close,
154
00:10:28,481 --> 00:10:31,681
it'll come down to who can win
a majority of the gay vote.
155
00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:33,041
Gay?
156
00:10:33,201 --> 00:10:37,481
Yeah, shirt lifters, them that bat
for the other team, poofters.
157
00:10:37,641 --> 00:10:39,081
Jeez, eh?
158
00:10:39,241 --> 00:10:41,441
I wouldn't have thought
there were that many of them.
159
00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:43,081
Apparently enough to swing the vote.
160
00:10:43,241 --> 00:10:45,241
That's why both sides
are sucking up to them.
161
00:10:45,401 --> 00:10:48,441
It's all about giving them the same rights
as regular married couples.
162
00:10:48,601 --> 00:10:50,561
So what's that got to do with us?
163
00:10:50,721 --> 00:10:52,041
Well, the opposition...
164
00:10:52,201 --> 00:10:53,761
(HORN HONKS)
Hey, Billy!
165
00:10:54,961 --> 00:10:57,561
Well, the opposition has promised
to change the tax laws
166
00:10:57,721 --> 00:10:59,001
if they get elected, right?
167
00:10:59,161 --> 00:11:01,081
So the government's
just beat 'em to the punch.
168
00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:04,201
Not only did they pass the law,
they've made it retrospective.
169
00:11:04,361 --> 00:11:05,361
Oh.
170
00:11:05,401 --> 00:11:09,001
Will you run that
by me again in English?
171
00:11:09,161 --> 00:11:12,961
Well, it just means that gay couples can
get all the rebates of regular couples,
172
00:11:13,121 --> 00:11:15,961
and they can claim them
for up to five years back.
173
00:11:16,961 --> 00:11:22,161
If I can go back to an earlier question,
what's it got to do with us?
174
00:11:22,321 --> 00:11:26,321
Mate, if I can get those same tax breaks
for the last five years,
175
00:11:26,481 --> 00:11:28,721
I could write off so much tax,
I'd be laughing.
176
00:11:28,881 --> 00:11:31,841
Hey, you could even
claim me as a dependent.
177
00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:33,961
We'd both come out in front.
178
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,401
But how can we do that?
Well, it's simple.
179
00:11:39,801 --> 00:11:41,721
We just become gay.
180
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:44,321
No!
181
00:11:44,481 --> 00:11:46,721
No, no, no, no.
182
00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:49,401
How many times do I have to tell you?
We just say we are.
183
00:11:49,561 --> 00:11:50,921
There's no physical.
184
00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:52,281
Hey, Hughie.
G'day.
185
00:11:52,441 --> 00:11:53,441
Hughie.
186
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:54,601
No.
187
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,041
What's wrong with you, Ralph?
188
00:11:56,201 --> 00:11:58,657
I mean, this is our big chance
to really turn things around for us.
189
00:11:58,681 --> 00:12:01,641
We could split our incomes,
claim spouse benefits.
190
00:12:01,801 --> 00:12:04,401
Hey, we could probably even
set up a family trust.
191
00:12:04,561 --> 00:12:08,481
You're not listening to me, Vince.
I don't want anyone thinking I'm a poof.
192
00:12:08,641 --> 00:12:11,441
You're on the hose, you boys!
Righto, mate!
193
00:12:11,601 --> 00:12:14,841
No, not poofs, mate.
Same-sex couple.
194
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,441
That's what they call it these days.
Same-sex couples.
195
00:12:17,601 --> 00:12:21,001
I don't care what they call it.
I don't want to be one!
196
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:25,521
VINCE: We'd just be pretending, for
goodness sake. What's your problem?
197
00:12:25,681 --> 00:12:28,401
RALPH: I just wouldn't feel
comfortable with it.
198
00:12:28,561 --> 00:12:31,641
I mean, I've got nothing against them
personally. Good luck to them.
199
00:12:31,801 --> 00:12:35,281
But I wouldn't want them near me, much
less going around saying I was one.
200
00:12:35,441 --> 00:12:39,041
There's a word for you, Ralph -
homophobic.
201
00:12:39,201 --> 00:12:40,481
RALPH: Yeah?
202
00:12:40,641 --> 00:12:44,321
Well, there's a word for you too, mate -
out of your bloody mind.
203
00:12:44,481 --> 00:12:47,441
Have you any idea
what the reaction would be around here
204
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,641
if people thought
we were a pair of pansies?
205
00:12:49,801 --> 00:12:52,601
Same-sex couple, Ralph.
206
00:12:52,761 --> 00:12:56,721
Take Big Red, for instance.
He'd laugh us out of town.
207
00:12:57,721 --> 00:13:00,681
Not everyone in town is as close-minded
as you and Big Red.
208
00:13:00,841 --> 00:13:04,881
Oh, no? Why don't you ask the boys
later what they think?
209
00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:11,641
MAN: Don't know any
and I don't care to.
210
00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:15,161
MAN: Well, there's Eric, of course.
Yeah, but he's the local hairdresser.
211
00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:17,361
It'd be a worry if he was the barber.
212
00:13:17,521 --> 00:13:19,041
I'd cut me own hair.
213
00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:23,481
You mean you pay to get that done?
Get stuffed.
214
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:29,441
They reckon Tom Farquar's eldest
is that way inclined.
215
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,601
MAN: Yeah?
216
00:13:30,761 --> 00:13:33,401
Ran off and joined
the Australian Ballet.
217
00:13:33,561 --> 00:13:37,441
Next thing I hear, he's up in Canberra
doing the 'Nutcracker Suite'.
218
00:13:37,601 --> 00:13:39,081
Sounds painful.
219
00:13:39,241 --> 00:13:42,001
(LAUGHTER)
220
00:13:45,721 --> 00:13:48,281
VINCE: How long have we
known each other, mate?
221
00:13:48,441 --> 00:13:50,121
Most of our lives.
222
00:13:50,281 --> 00:13:53,281
And in all that time,
have I even been wrong?
223
00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:55,161
Yeah.
When?
224
00:13:55,321 --> 00:13:58,161
Karen Stevens.
Karen Stevens?
225
00:13:58,321 --> 00:14:00,721
Mate, that was 30 years ago,
get over it.
226
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:03,081
You said she was a walk-up start.
227
00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:04,241
Oh, well...
228
00:14:04,361 --> 00:14:06,761
Her father set
the bloody greyhounds onto me.
229
00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:10,641
I still convulse
every time I hear a dog bark.
230
00:14:11,961 --> 00:14:13,921
Come on, mate. I'd do it for you.
231
00:14:14,081 --> 00:14:17,641
Yeah, let everyone think I'm a fairy.
No.
232
00:14:17,801 --> 00:14:20,321
We fill out the forms,
we send them in to Canberra
233
00:14:20,481 --> 00:14:22,561
and they register us
as a same-sex couple.
234
00:14:22,721 --> 00:14:24,041
Same-sex couple...
235
00:14:24,201 --> 00:14:26,241
So then we're eligible for the tax cuts.
236
00:14:26,401 --> 00:14:29,041
They think they've got
a couple of sure-fire votes.
237
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:33,721
Everybody's happy.
Yeah, they're happy. We're gay.
238
00:14:33,881 --> 00:14:36,401
Well, just officially.
239
00:14:36,561 --> 00:14:39,561
You know, some public service dickhead
puts it in the computer
240
00:14:39,721 --> 00:14:41,321
and we're eligible for the tax cuts.
241
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,041
End of story.
242
00:14:44,081 --> 00:14:46,521
Mate, I really need you
to help me with this.
243
00:14:48,281 --> 00:14:50,121
Please.
244
00:14:51,721 --> 00:14:53,401
Just sign the paper?
245
00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:55,081
Just sign the paper.
246
00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:56,801
And no-one will ever know?
247
00:14:56,961 --> 00:14:58,681
Swear to God.
248
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,121
Sorry, mate.
249
00:15:03,281 --> 00:15:06,361
I just can't do it. No.
250
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,801
(SIGHS)
251
00:15:11,761 --> 00:15:13,761
(PHONE RINGS)
252
00:15:21,361 --> 00:15:23,681
Hello.
WOMAN: Hey, Dad, it's me.
253
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:26,561
Carla. How are you, sweetheart?
254
00:15:26,721 --> 00:15:28,121
I'm great, Dad. How are you?
255
00:15:28,281 --> 00:15:31,001
Oh, you know.
Got plenty to keep me out of trouble.
256
00:15:31,161 --> 00:15:34,601
Well, don't work too hard.
You always take on too much.
257
00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:37,001
Gee, love, you're starting
to sound like your mum.
258
00:15:37,161 --> 00:15:40,041
(LAUGHS)
Someone's got to look after you now.
259
00:15:40,201 --> 00:15:43,841
Hey, Dad, I'm thinking
of coming up on the 21st.
260
00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:46,721
Oh, that'll be great.
You'll be here for the Firemen's Ball.
261
00:15:46,881 --> 00:15:49,361
Um, OK.
262
00:15:49,521 --> 00:15:51,281
I'm bringing Peta to meet you.
263
00:15:51,441 --> 00:15:54,041
Yeah, well, it's about time
your old man was introduced.
264
00:15:54,201 --> 00:15:56,521
My thoughts exactly, Dad.
265
00:15:56,681 --> 00:15:59,961
Might even have to give
the old overalls a wash, eh?
266
00:16:00,121 --> 00:16:02,561
(CARLA LAUGHS)
No need to go silly.
267
00:16:03,561 --> 00:16:06,521
Actually, we're thinking
of moving in together.
268
00:16:06,681 --> 00:16:09,681
Oh, yeah? Sounds serious.
269
00:16:09,841 --> 00:16:11,761
Yeah, well, we'll see.
270
00:16:11,921 --> 00:16:14,401
Yeah, well, look,
I really look forward to that.
271
00:16:14,561 --> 00:16:17,041
Yeah, me too.
Say hello to Vince for me.
272
00:16:17,201 --> 00:16:18,641
I'll see you then, then, Dad.
273
00:16:18,801 --> 00:16:20,881
Love you.
Love you too, sweetheart.
274
00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:23,081
Bye-bye.
'Bye.
275
00:16:40,921 --> 00:16:42,801
(DOG BARKS)
276
00:16:48,401 --> 00:16:50,081
VINCE: Goodnight.
WOMAN: Goodnight, Vince.
277
00:16:50,241 --> 00:16:52,001
MAN: See ya, mate.
Yep.
278
00:17:05,561 --> 00:17:08,041
And no-one will ever know.
279
00:17:12,361 --> 00:17:14,281
No-one will ever know.
280
00:17:24,881 --> 00:17:26,881
Alright, I'll do it.
281
00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:29,681
Oh, mate, I could kiss you.
282
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:32,201
Just you bloody try.
283
00:17:36,921 --> 00:17:40,001
Ralph, I can't tell you how much this...
Hey.
284
00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:43,881
I never did really thank you
for all you did for us.
285
00:17:44,041 --> 00:17:45,761
You have now.
286
00:17:54,801 --> 00:17:58,841
VINCE: So I go in this box.
Then you go here.
287
00:17:59,841 --> 00:18:02,281
Just a moment. Spouse?
288
00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:05,401
Why do I have to be the spouse?
289
00:18:05,561 --> 00:18:08,561
It's not important.
Oh, it is to me.
290
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:12,801
I don't want to be the spouse.
Makes me sound kind of wussy.
291
00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:15,881
You're supposed to sound wussy.
That's the whole point.
292
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:19,281
Why can't you be the spouse?
I'm taller.
293
00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:22,721
Well, if it's such a big issue,
I'll be the spouse.
294
00:18:22,881 --> 00:18:26,961
You can be head of household.
That make you happy?
295
00:18:27,121 --> 00:18:29,561
Well, happier than being the spouse.
296
00:18:29,721 --> 00:18:31,081
Help me through this.
297
00:18:31,241 --> 00:18:32,721
Ah...
298
00:18:32,881 --> 00:18:36,641
Period of cohabitation.
What?
299
00:18:36,801 --> 00:18:39,121
How long
since we moved in together?
300
00:18:39,281 --> 00:18:43,201
Well, we want the full
five years back benefits, so six years.
301
00:18:43,361 --> 00:18:47,921
Now, hang on. Hang on.
When did your missus shoot through?
302
00:18:48,081 --> 00:18:50,161
About six years ago. Perfect.
303
00:18:50,321 --> 00:18:54,841
Yeah, so, what, she left and then,
straight away, we move in together?
304
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:58,121
What's wrong with that?
Well, I don't want to look easy.
305
00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:01,001
It looks like I got you on the rebound.
306
00:19:02,281 --> 00:19:03,521
OK.
307
00:19:03,681 --> 00:19:07,641
So we saw each other on the sly
for 12 months before, OK?
308
00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:09,401
Sounds reasonable.
309
00:19:09,561 --> 00:19:12,081
It means neither of us
rushed into anything.
310
00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:13,721
(LAUGHS)
311
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,201
Sometimes I seriously worry
about you, Ralphie.
312
00:19:19,801 --> 00:19:21,721
Address of shared residence.
313
00:19:21,881 --> 00:19:22,961
My place.
314
00:19:24,201 --> 00:19:27,401
I don't want it going down
that I'm living in a projection booth.
315
00:19:28,441 --> 00:19:29,441
Picky.
316
00:19:29,561 --> 00:19:32,241
Now, orientation.
317
00:19:33,241 --> 00:19:35,321
Well, the backyard faces north-east.
318
00:19:36,321 --> 00:19:37,681
Sexual orientation, mate.
319
00:19:37,841 --> 00:19:39,601
Sexual.
Oh.
320
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:44,081
I'll just put down couple of old up-your...
321
00:19:44,241 --> 00:19:46,361
Bloody hell.
322
00:19:46,521 --> 00:19:49,921
Oh, my old mum would spin
in her grave if she saw that.
323
00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:54,121
Mate, private and confidential.
324
00:19:54,281 --> 00:19:58,441
That means it's privileged information.
Strictly between us and them.
325
00:19:58,601 --> 00:20:00,761
How could anyone around here
ever find out?
326
00:20:00,921 --> 00:20:02,161
Yeah.
327
00:20:05,241 --> 00:20:07,361
(ROOSTER CROWS)
328
00:20:07,521 --> 00:20:08,841
(COW MOOS)
329
00:20:14,121 --> 00:20:15,121
(WHINES)
330
00:20:15,241 --> 00:20:16,401
(TYRES SCREECH)
331
00:20:26,201 --> 00:20:29,281
Oh, Father.
332
00:20:43,121 --> 00:20:44,841
(WHISTLES)
Top of the morning to you, Ralph.
333
00:20:44,961 --> 00:20:46,921
And the rest of the day to you, Father.
334
00:20:47,081 --> 00:20:48,721
(WHISTLES)
335
00:21:13,281 --> 00:21:17,241
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
336
00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:23,481
They're sending a tax investigator
to interview us.
337
00:21:23,641 --> 00:21:26,081
They're going to check our claim.
Oh.
338
00:21:27,121 --> 00:21:29,241
Random testing of applicants.
339
00:21:29,401 --> 00:21:32,601
Ralph, it's random.
Random, my ass.
340
00:21:32,761 --> 00:21:36,041
With the bloody mess you're in,
I bet you the bloody alarm bells went off
341
00:21:36,201 --> 00:21:38,081
the moment you walked in
through the door.
342
00:21:38,241 --> 00:21:40,841
Oh, no, this has got nothing
to do with my tax problem.
343
00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:44,241
They're just sending out an inspector
to check up that we're really gay.
344
00:21:44,401 --> 00:21:46,361
The fact is, Vince,
345
00:21:46,521 --> 00:21:49,121
that some ferret from the tax department
is going to grill us.
346
00:21:49,281 --> 00:21:53,001
We're going to be
up shit creek in a matchbox.
347
00:21:53,161 --> 00:21:56,881
Yeah, OK, I will admit
we've got a bit of a problem.
348
00:21:57,041 --> 00:21:58,721
Bit of a problem?
349
00:21:59,721 --> 00:22:02,921
Mate, we have attempted
to defraud the authorities.
350
00:22:03,081 --> 00:22:05,961
They're going to hang us up by the balls!
351
00:22:09,601 --> 00:22:13,681
Unless... we can convince them
we're telling the truth.
352
00:22:13,841 --> 00:22:16,881
Vince, you are not gay.
Mm-hm.
353
00:22:17,041 --> 00:22:18,921
I am not gay.
Mmm.
354
00:22:19,081 --> 00:22:22,721
This bloke is going to be
an expert on gayness.
355
00:22:25,921 --> 00:22:28,281
He's probably done a course on it.
356
00:22:28,441 --> 00:22:30,321
We're done for.
357
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:33,481
Not necessarily.
358
00:22:33,641 --> 00:22:36,161
I mean, how long can
an interview like this last?
359
00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:37,761
An hour? Two, tops.
360
00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:40,241
All we have to do is keep up
the act for that long.
361
00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:43,281
What act?
I don't know how to look gay.
362
00:22:43,441 --> 00:22:45,961
We're just going
to have to do a crash course on it.
363
00:22:46,121 --> 00:22:50,001
Plenty of time up our sleeve.
He's not due here till the... 21st.
364
00:22:51,001 --> 00:22:52,961
That's the day of the ball.
365
00:22:53,121 --> 00:22:56,761
Oh, that's just bloody beautiful, that is.
Yeah.
366
00:22:56,921 --> 00:23:00,121
Gives us plenty of time
to learn how to act like the real thing.
367
00:23:00,281 --> 00:23:01,721
From who?
368
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:05,681
They're not exactly thick on the ground
around here, mate.
369
00:23:05,841 --> 00:23:10,241
No, no, no, no, we're going to have
to go and see Jack and fess up.
370
00:23:10,401 --> 00:23:14,321
See Jack? No way.
Listen, I'll come up with something.
371
00:23:14,481 --> 00:23:16,001
Trust me. I always do.
372
00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:19,161
But no-one around here
must ever know.
373
00:23:20,521 --> 00:23:22,681
DELANEY: And cakes and biscuits.
374
00:23:22,841 --> 00:23:25,161
That's our department too, Father.
375
00:23:25,321 --> 00:23:27,961
We've already started getting organised.
Haven't we, girls?
376
00:23:28,121 --> 00:23:31,081
Now, now, ladies.
Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.
377
00:23:31,241 --> 00:23:33,241
We need it to be fresh on the night.
378
00:23:33,401 --> 00:23:35,001
FAITH: Oh, it will be.
379
00:23:35,161 --> 00:23:38,801
DELANEY: Well, I think
that takes care of everything
380
00:23:38,961 --> 00:23:42,001
unless anyone has anything
of interest to report.
381
00:23:42,161 --> 00:23:43,161
No, uh...
382
00:23:48,481 --> 00:23:50,761
Yvonne, dear, are you OK?
383
00:23:50,921 --> 00:23:53,161
Yeah, I'm fine.
384
00:23:53,321 --> 00:23:55,561
Now, you sure?
385
00:23:58,241 --> 00:24:01,361
Faith, um, can I tell you something?
386
00:24:01,521 --> 00:24:02,361
Yeah.
387
00:24:02,521 --> 00:24:04,641
Hey, Ralphie.
388
00:24:04,801 --> 00:24:06,841
Did you get on to Vonnie back there?
389
00:24:07,001 --> 00:24:08,721
Couldn't take her eyes off me.
390
00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:10,801
Well, Vince, you are
a good-looking man.
391
00:24:10,961 --> 00:24:12,161
Who's what?
392
00:24:12,321 --> 00:24:15,481
I was just telling Vince
he's a good-looking man.
393
00:24:17,121 --> 00:24:18,201
'Bye.
394
00:24:23,401 --> 00:24:24,881
Come on.
395
00:24:26,001 --> 00:24:28,241
(WHISTLING)
396
00:24:29,241 --> 00:24:30,841
Father, excuse me.
397
00:24:32,881 --> 00:24:35,841
Can I have a word?
Of course.
398
00:24:40,561 --> 00:24:41,961
Hello, Faith.
399
00:24:42,121 --> 00:24:45,321
How's the ball coming along?
Everyone behaving themselves?
400
00:24:46,401 --> 00:24:48,721
Well, actually...
401
00:24:55,401 --> 00:24:57,921
I can't believe we're doing this.
402
00:24:58,081 --> 00:25:00,601
I can't believe
I never thought of it sooner.
403
00:25:05,441 --> 00:25:06,841
(SHUTTER CLICKS)
404
00:25:12,521 --> 00:25:14,401
I reckon it's all in the mannerisms,
you know.
405
00:25:14,561 --> 00:25:17,601
If we can learn half a dozen of those,
we'd be home and hosed.
406
00:25:17,761 --> 00:25:20,641
(CAMERA CLICKS)
407
00:25:25,401 --> 00:25:27,881
VINCE: There goes Vonnie.
408
00:25:28,881 --> 00:25:30,241
She scrubs up nice.
409
00:25:30,401 --> 00:25:32,521
She fancies me, you know.
410
00:25:33,641 --> 00:25:36,201
I think I'm going to take a little nap.
411
00:25:37,321 --> 00:25:38,921
Nighty-night.
412
00:25:46,881 --> 00:25:48,761
Hello, Faith.
Hello, Ivy.
413
00:25:48,921 --> 00:25:50,321
Everything alright?
414
00:25:50,481 --> 00:25:54,601
Oh, Ivy, you'll never guess
what's been going on in this town.
415
00:25:54,761 --> 00:25:55,921
What?
416
00:25:56,921 --> 00:25:58,321
(LAUGHS)
417
00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:03,561
Oh! Oh. Goodbye, love.
I'll just tell the girls.
418
00:26:03,721 --> 00:26:05,401
(LAUGHS)
419
00:26:08,321 --> 00:26:09,881
Hey, Ralph?
420
00:26:10,041 --> 00:26:11,841
What size bed do you have?
421
00:26:12,001 --> 00:26:13,761
Just a single.
422
00:26:13,921 --> 00:26:17,241
I tossed the old double out.
It was buggered.
423
00:26:17,401 --> 00:26:19,441
Well, where am I going to sleep?
424
00:26:21,481 --> 00:26:23,281
Well, certainly not at my place.
425
00:26:23,441 --> 00:26:26,521
Yeah, but what if the inspector guy
checks out your bedroom?
426
00:26:26,681 --> 00:26:28,321
Well, he won't find you.
427
00:26:29,481 --> 00:26:30,801
That's OK.
428
00:26:30,961 --> 00:26:32,841
I got an old double bed
under the theatre.
429
00:26:33,001 --> 00:26:35,721
We'll drop it off at your place,
just so it looks right.
430
00:26:36,841 --> 00:26:40,721
Father. Nice day for it.
431
00:26:40,881 --> 00:26:42,321
DELANEY: Just remember, boys,
432
00:26:42,481 --> 00:26:46,561
God created Adam and Eve,
not Adam and Steve.
433
00:26:52,001 --> 00:26:53,401
VINCE: Oh, shit, here we go.
434
00:26:53,561 --> 00:26:54,561
(SINGS)
435
00:27:03,201 --> 00:27:04,881
Follow him, Ralph.
436
00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:28,601
Now, where the bloody hell
is he going out here?
437
00:27:28,761 --> 00:27:30,881
What do you reckon
Father Xavier was on about?
438
00:27:31,041 --> 00:27:33,561
Probably one of them beats, you know?
439
00:27:33,721 --> 00:27:36,481
It's a special sacred meeting place
that only they know about.
440
00:27:36,641 --> 00:27:39,001
RALPH: Maybe he's been
into the altar wine.
441
00:27:39,161 --> 00:27:41,841
There's probably more of them
around here than we think.
442
00:27:42,001 --> 00:27:44,361
You know, it takes
more than one to tango.
443
00:27:47,081 --> 00:27:49,601
Hang on.
Where's he gone?
444
00:27:51,161 --> 00:27:52,601
There he is.
445
00:28:10,001 --> 00:28:12,761
Don't tell me Bert Nankervis
has joined the team.
446
00:28:12,921 --> 00:28:14,681
Bert... gay?
447
00:28:14,841 --> 00:28:16,641
Nah, he's a plumber.
448
00:28:47,081 --> 00:28:49,921
JACK: So, anyway,
I bumped into Faith earlier.
449
00:28:51,201 --> 00:28:57,241
She reckons something most unsavoury
has been going on under all our noses.
450
00:28:57,401 --> 00:28:58,961
What?
451
00:29:01,561 --> 00:29:07,921
Ralph Williams and Vince Hopgood
are having a homosexual relationship.
452
00:29:14,481 --> 00:29:18,201
Come again?
(LAUGHS) Well, that's what she said.
453
00:29:18,361 --> 00:29:19,761
Straight from the horse's mouth.
454
00:29:19,921 --> 00:29:21,321
Bloody hell.
455
00:29:21,481 --> 00:29:24,401
I used to go camping with those blokes.
456
00:29:25,721 --> 00:29:28,881
Shared a tent.
We all did.
457
00:29:32,081 --> 00:29:35,921
If they're poofters, I'm Nicole Kidman.
458
00:29:36,081 --> 00:29:37,321
(LAUGHS)
459
00:29:37,481 --> 00:29:38,961
(ALL LAUGH)
460
00:29:39,121 --> 00:29:40,601
What is it with that silly woman?
461
00:29:40,761 --> 00:29:43,201
Someone needs to have
a word with Faith
462
00:29:43,361 --> 00:29:45,401
before she spreads
that nonsense around.
463
00:29:45,561 --> 00:29:47,161
Well, be my guest.
(CLUNK! WATER FLOWING)
464
00:29:47,321 --> 00:29:48,921
Oh, shit!
465
00:29:50,361 --> 00:29:53,161
Oh, well, better go and arrest somebody.
466
00:29:53,321 --> 00:29:54,361
Hooroo.
467
00:29:58,561 --> 00:30:01,641
(RALPH'S VOICE) I was just telling
Vince he's a good-looking man.
468
00:30:29,121 --> 00:30:31,001
(LAUGHTER)
469
00:30:34,681 --> 00:30:36,361
(EFFEMINATELY) That's hysterical.
470
00:30:36,521 --> 00:30:39,521
Honestly, you're a couple of sillies.
471
00:30:39,681 --> 00:30:41,161
(LAUGHS)
472
00:30:42,721 --> 00:30:47,401
What on earth would I do
with a... urgh... woman?
473
00:30:48,401 --> 00:30:52,601
Well, on Tuesday, you did that.
474
00:30:54,881 --> 00:30:59,161
Wednesday,
young Mrs Yellup, I believe.
475
00:31:00,441 --> 00:31:04,921
Thursday, the Crawford girl. There.
476
00:31:07,881 --> 00:31:09,801
I've gone all hot.
477
00:31:14,281 --> 00:31:16,521
Alright, I admit it. I'm straight.
478
00:31:18,761 --> 00:31:20,841
But, look, we can keep this
to ourselves, can't we?
479
00:31:21,001 --> 00:31:23,121
Fellas?
Listen, I'm just curious.
480
00:31:23,281 --> 00:31:25,521
Why have everyone in town think
you're a pillow biter?
481
00:31:25,681 --> 00:31:29,441
I'm a hairdresser, for fuck's sake.
It's what they expect.
482
00:31:29,601 --> 00:31:33,081
Anyway, it makes them feel comfortable
to think I'm one of the girls.
483
00:31:33,241 --> 00:31:35,481
Plus no-one suspects you're tomcatting
484
00:31:35,641 --> 00:31:37,561
half the wives and daughters
around the district.
485
00:31:37,641 --> 00:31:39,401
Yeah, well...
486
00:31:40,641 --> 00:31:43,001
Look, any chance
I can buy these photos?
487
00:31:43,161 --> 00:31:44,521
No.
488
00:31:45,961 --> 00:31:49,641
However, we would be
willing to trade them.
489
00:31:49,801 --> 00:31:51,641
Trade them?
490
00:31:52,641 --> 00:31:54,521
For what?
491
00:31:57,961 --> 00:32:00,561
First, you have to learn to think gay.
492
00:32:00,721 --> 00:32:03,241
So from now on, it's not "me" or "I".
493
00:32:03,401 --> 00:32:07,001
No, no, no. You refer to yourselves
as "she" and "her".
494
00:32:08,001 --> 00:32:10,361
Got it? Right.
495
00:32:10,521 --> 00:32:12,401
Secondly, it's all a matter of learning
496
00:32:12,561 --> 00:32:14,881
some body language
and some gestures.
497
00:32:15,041 --> 00:32:17,201
First and most importantly, the walk.
498
00:32:17,361 --> 00:32:19,681
Now, hold your hand out
as if you're being led
499
00:32:19,841 --> 00:32:21,441
onto the dance floor
by Prince Charming.
500
00:32:21,601 --> 00:32:22,601
Who?
501
00:32:22,721 --> 00:32:24,521
Prince Charming.
502
00:32:25,521 --> 00:32:27,841
Listen to me, please.
Head up, bum out.
503
00:32:28,881 --> 00:32:32,641
Think Marilyn Monroe
crossed with a bit of penguin.
504
00:32:32,801 --> 00:32:36,041
And left shoulder, right shoulder,
left shoulder, right shoulder,
505
00:32:36,201 --> 00:32:37,961
left shoulder, pivot.
506
00:32:38,121 --> 00:32:41,521
And I hope you were watching,
because now it's your turn.
507
00:32:44,441 --> 00:32:48,601
RALPH: Can you imagine
how people around here would react
508
00:32:48,761 --> 00:32:51,561
if they thought we were
a couple of whoopsies?
509
00:32:51,721 --> 00:32:53,241
Same-sex couple, Ralph.
510
00:32:53,401 --> 00:32:55,441
We should show a bit of respect.
511
00:32:55,601 --> 00:32:57,881
I mean, if it hadn't been
for the good ol' poofters,
512
00:32:58,041 --> 00:32:59,921
we wouldn't be getting this opportunity.
513
00:33:01,001 --> 00:33:03,161
That's it. Come on, girls.
Put a bit of swish into it.
514
00:33:03,321 --> 00:33:05,521
That's the way. Come on, Ralph.
For goodness sake.
515
00:33:05,681 --> 00:33:08,041
Tummy in. Head up.
And turn and look.
516
00:33:08,201 --> 00:33:11,041
And, Vince, show Ralphie
how to do it, please.
517
00:33:11,201 --> 00:33:14,681
And watch Vince. Vince is turning.
Turn the body. Turn the head.
518
00:33:14,841 --> 00:33:17,401
Yes, head-body's fine,
but preferably body, then head.
519
00:33:17,561 --> 00:33:19,281
Thank you. And off you go.
520
00:33:19,441 --> 00:33:21,241
VINCE: I reckon
it's only a matter of time
521
00:33:21,401 --> 00:33:23,481
before same-sex marriage
is an everyday thing.
522
00:33:23,641 --> 00:33:25,121
Here, let me help you, mate.
523
00:33:25,281 --> 00:33:27,041
There you go. That'd be nice.
524
00:33:27,201 --> 00:33:30,161
We could have a little ceremony.
525
00:33:30,321 --> 00:33:32,801
Nothing flash, just us
and a couple of friends.
526
00:33:32,961 --> 00:33:35,441
Yeah, maybe we could even
go on a honeymoon.
527
00:33:37,761 --> 00:33:38,881
Or not.
528
00:33:41,881 --> 00:33:43,841
OK, mate. Up she goes.
529
00:33:48,241 --> 00:33:49,961
(HORN HONKS)
530
00:33:50,121 --> 00:33:54,161
ERIC: The hips. There he is.
Go get him, tiger. (SNARLS)
531
00:33:54,321 --> 00:33:56,721
OK, and turning.
Pivot. Thank you very much.
532
00:33:56,881 --> 00:33:58,721
Swish, swish, swish.
533
00:33:58,881 --> 00:34:00,281
Mince, for God's sake, Ralph.
534
00:34:00,441 --> 00:34:01,881
Mince, come on.
535
00:34:02,041 --> 00:34:03,761
(SNARLS)
536
00:34:03,921 --> 00:34:07,121
Ooh, there's some dog poo on my shoe.
537
00:34:08,721 --> 00:34:11,441
That's it. Pekingese.
Not a big dog, Pekingese.
538
00:34:11,601 --> 00:34:14,601
Pivot and... Hello, boys.
539
00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:17,081
OK, and what do you see?
540
00:34:18,081 --> 00:34:20,681
Uh, a charming young lady.
Mmm.
541
00:34:20,841 --> 00:34:23,481
Mm-hm. And what do you see?
542
00:34:24,481 --> 00:34:26,361
Some ponce playing the piano.
543
00:34:26,521 --> 00:34:27,521
Hmm.
544
00:34:27,561 --> 00:34:30,641
Now, which one
do you find more attractive?
545
00:34:36,761 --> 00:34:38,601
Alright, the ponce.
546
00:34:39,921 --> 00:34:42,041
RALPH: Oh, no, not Rock.
547
00:34:42,201 --> 00:34:43,521
Don't tell me Rock was.
548
00:34:43,681 --> 00:34:45,921
Gay as a bag of butterflies.
549
00:34:46,081 --> 00:34:49,921
God! Where have you been hiding
for the past couple of decades?
550
00:34:50,081 --> 00:34:53,241
Yeah, even I heard about him
and Gomer Pyle.
551
00:34:53,401 --> 00:34:54,921
Not Gomer Pyle!
552
00:34:55,081 --> 00:34:57,481
(LAUGHS) Why not?
553
00:34:58,481 --> 00:35:01,761
Well, he was in the army,
for goodness sake.
554
00:35:02,961 --> 00:35:05,521
Well, if it's hot, don't touch it!
555
00:35:05,681 --> 00:35:07,281
Out of the way, Fred.
556
00:35:14,201 --> 00:35:15,521
What's up, Ralphie?
557
00:35:15,681 --> 00:35:17,881
My back's still buggered
from your bloody bed.
558
00:35:18,041 --> 00:35:20,681
I don't know what you're complaining
about. I did all the work.
559
00:35:21,921 --> 00:35:24,721
(PETER ALLEN SINGS)
♪ Whoa, oh, when my baby
560
00:35:24,881 --> 00:35:28,321
♪ When my baby smiles at me
I feel like Tarzan... ♪
561
00:35:28,481 --> 00:35:30,281
Now, that's one I can understand.
562
00:35:30,441 --> 00:35:32,001
♪ There on the hot sand
563
00:35:32,161 --> 00:35:34,921
♪ And in a bungalow
while monkeys play above... ♪
564
00:35:47,321 --> 00:35:49,481
Well, we won't be doing that.
565
00:35:49,641 --> 00:35:51,521
DELANEY: Hi, Frances.
FRANCES: Oh, hi, Father.
566
00:35:51,681 --> 00:35:54,241
Oh. So how are you boys getting on?
567
00:35:55,441 --> 00:35:57,121
Good afternoon, Father.
568
00:35:57,281 --> 00:35:59,121
(REPEATEDLY PRESSES KEYS)
569
00:36:00,481 --> 00:36:03,801
Pull the plug, Ralph. Pull the plug.
570
00:36:06,921 --> 00:36:08,081
(THUD!)
Oh!
571
00:36:09,121 --> 00:36:10,841
He dropped a dollar.
572
00:36:11,001 --> 00:36:12,321
Oh.
573
00:36:12,481 --> 00:36:14,001
Got it?
Yeah.
574
00:36:14,161 --> 00:36:15,201
Are you guys OK?
575
00:36:15,361 --> 00:36:18,281
Oh, yeah.
It's just accounting business.
576
00:36:18,441 --> 00:36:20,001
Just finished.
577
00:36:21,641 --> 00:36:23,921
ERIC: Good, Vince, good. Yes.
578
00:36:24,081 --> 00:36:25,641
And... ready for the pivot?
579
00:36:25,801 --> 00:36:28,041
Pivot and look. Lovely.
580
00:36:28,201 --> 00:36:29,841
Very good.
581
00:36:30,841 --> 00:36:32,801
And what's wrong with Ralphie, hmm?
582
00:36:32,961 --> 00:36:36,201
She's tired.
Oh, come on, mate.
583
00:36:36,361 --> 00:36:38,481
You were just starting
to get really good at it.
584
00:36:38,641 --> 00:36:41,721
ERIC: She's tired, is she?
Well, do you know something?
585
00:36:41,881 --> 00:36:43,921
This is just not working, is it?
586
00:36:44,081 --> 00:36:47,521
I know the inspector isn't here for
a couple more days, but this is hopeless.
587
00:36:47,681 --> 00:36:52,641
You boys, you need to
immerse yourself in the culture.
588
00:36:52,801 --> 00:36:58,441
You need to be where gay rules,
where queens abound,
589
00:36:58,601 --> 00:37:02,801
where men are men
and women are totally superfluous.
590
00:37:02,961 --> 00:37:05,521
You boys need to see what I've seen.
591
00:37:05,681 --> 00:37:09,561
You need to walk the walk
and dance the dance, hmm?
592
00:37:09,721 --> 00:37:14,721
In short, gentlemen, you need
to follow the Yellow Brick Road.
593
00:37:14,881 --> 00:37:16,721
Yellow. Yellow Brick Road.
594
00:37:18,001 --> 00:37:19,681
Where?
595
00:37:19,841 --> 00:37:21,841
(TECHNO DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
596
00:37:54,521 --> 00:37:56,681
Hey, fellas,
don't do anything I wouldn't do.
597
00:37:56,841 --> 00:37:58,841
Yeah, right, mate.
598
00:38:00,761 --> 00:38:02,081
Crikey.
599
00:38:02,241 --> 00:38:04,961
(DANCE SONG CONTINUES)
600
00:38:22,001 --> 00:38:22,841
Whoa.
601
00:38:23,001 --> 00:38:24,961
Vince.
Huh?
602
00:38:25,121 --> 00:38:26,801
We're supposed to be gay,
remember?
603
00:38:26,961 --> 00:38:28,601
Oh, right. What was that?
604
00:38:28,761 --> 00:38:31,881
I don't know, but you keep your eye
on it and I'll go grab a stick.
605
00:38:32,041 --> 00:38:33,881
They said right around here somewhere.
606
00:38:34,041 --> 00:38:36,001
What about down here?
607
00:38:36,161 --> 00:38:37,961
We'll give it a try.
608
00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:44,481
OK, this will be no big deal.
609
00:38:44,641 --> 00:38:47,441
We'll just go in,
bite the froth off a couple of beers,
610
00:38:47,601 --> 00:38:50,361
observe a bit of the culture,
then we'll be done.
611
00:38:50,521 --> 00:38:52,921
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINES REV)
612
00:38:57,841 --> 00:38:59,081
There.
613
00:39:05,921 --> 00:39:08,081
Are you sure this is the place?
614
00:39:13,721 --> 00:39:16,681
Oh, yeah, this is the place.
615
00:39:16,841 --> 00:39:20,241
Hey, listen, ladies,
I think your dates have just arrived.
616
00:39:20,401 --> 00:39:22,201
Hubba-hubba.
617
00:39:23,881 --> 00:39:26,401
So what do we think?
618
00:39:27,401 --> 00:39:30,801
Well, I think good luck, be careful
and I'll see you back in Yack.
619
00:39:30,961 --> 00:39:32,561
Nah. Come on, mate.
620
00:39:32,721 --> 00:39:35,161
It's not like they're going to try
and jump on us or anything.
621
00:39:35,201 --> 00:39:39,121
I mean, look at us.
We're not exactly supermodels.
622
00:39:39,281 --> 00:39:41,681
To them, we're just a couple
of old rough scrubbers.
623
00:39:41,841 --> 00:39:43,721
Especially you.
624
00:39:43,881 --> 00:39:46,201
I'll tell you what.
625
00:39:46,361 --> 00:39:48,561
I think we're going
to have to go shopping.
626
00:39:48,721 --> 00:39:51,681
Shopping? Shopping?
627
00:39:53,161 --> 00:39:55,521
You look gorgeous.
628
00:39:55,681 --> 00:39:57,161
Yeah.
629
00:39:57,321 --> 00:39:59,321
Are you sure this is
what they're all wearing?
630
00:39:59,481 --> 00:40:02,881
Absolutely.
Move around. Move around.
631
00:40:11,401 --> 00:40:15,641
Um... A bit snug.
632
00:40:16,921 --> 00:40:17,961
Hey, Ralph.
633
00:40:20,921 --> 00:40:22,721
How do I look?
634
00:40:22,881 --> 00:40:26,241
Like two pound of sausages
in a one-pound bag.
635
00:40:26,401 --> 00:40:28,761
Well, they're supposed to be tight.
Aren't they?
636
00:40:28,921 --> 00:40:31,001
Oh, yes, that's right, darl.
You look great.
637
00:40:31,161 --> 00:40:32,561
(RALPH LAUGHS)
638
00:40:32,721 --> 00:40:36,761
Yeah, well, alright, then. Let's have
a look at you, Mrs Fancy Pants.
639
00:40:48,081 --> 00:40:50,921
You look divine.
640
00:40:51,921 --> 00:40:53,921
They seem to fit very well.
641
00:40:54,081 --> 00:40:57,481
Yeah, turn around.
No.
642
00:40:57,641 --> 00:41:00,681
Come on, mate. Turn around.
No.
643
00:41:00,841 --> 00:41:04,081
Ralphie, come on. Turn around.
No!
644
00:41:04,241 --> 00:41:07,441
Perhaps I could find a pair
with the bum still in them.
645
00:41:07,601 --> 00:41:09,681
That might help.
646
00:41:09,841 --> 00:41:12,321
Yeah, yeah, that'd be lovely. Thank you.
647
00:41:13,361 --> 00:41:15,401
('STAYIN' ALIVE' INSTRUMENTAL)
648
00:41:30,961 --> 00:41:32,841
I'll tell you when you can get in, OK?
649
00:41:33,001 --> 00:41:35,681
If I'd known it would come to this...
650
00:41:35,841 --> 00:41:39,321
What, you got yourself a whole
new outfit, and you're still not happy?
651
00:41:39,481 --> 00:41:41,681
Imagine what the mob
back in Yackandandah would say.
652
00:41:41,841 --> 00:41:43,561
Mate, don't even joke about that.
653
00:41:43,721 --> 00:41:46,801
You standing there
like four pence worth of God-help-us.
654
00:41:47,801 --> 00:41:50,681
It's a pity that fellow couldn't find you
the other pair of pants.
655
00:41:50,841 --> 00:41:53,961
Why? What's wrong with these, mate?
Ralphie.
656
00:41:54,121 --> 00:41:56,681
I'm all for looking up old friends,
but that's ridiculous.
657
00:41:56,841 --> 00:41:58,161
(LAUGHS)
658
00:41:58,321 --> 00:41:59,161
Boys.
659
00:41:59,321 --> 00:42:00,321
Hi.
In you go.
660
00:42:00,481 --> 00:42:04,041
Nice hat, rag doll.
Thanks, mate.
661
00:42:06,801 --> 00:42:10,641
(DEBORAH HARRY SINGS)
♪ Here comes the 21st century
662
00:42:13,681 --> 00:42:17,481
♪ Here comes the 21st century
663
00:42:20,561 --> 00:42:24,401
♪ It's gonna be much better
for a girl like me
664
00:42:24,561 --> 00:42:27,961
♪ (ECHOING) For a girl like me,
for a girl like me
665
00:42:28,121 --> 00:42:31,161
♪ It's gonna be much better
for a girl like me
666
00:42:31,321 --> 00:42:33,081
♪ For a girl like me
667
00:42:33,241 --> 00:42:34,321
♪ Hey!
668
00:42:48,641 --> 00:42:52,201
♪ I want that man
I want that man
669
00:42:55,361 --> 00:42:56,841
♪ I want that man... ♪
670
00:42:57,001 --> 00:42:59,321
Yeah, I need a drink.
671
00:43:00,361 --> 00:43:02,041
Hey, don't leave me.
672
00:43:02,201 --> 00:43:03,921
♪ ..21st century
673
00:43:04,081 --> 00:43:08,401
♪ It's gonna be much better
for a girl like me... ♪
674
00:43:08,561 --> 00:43:12,521
Oh, don't worry about it, darlin'.
Little Timmy's going to look after you.
675
00:43:12,681 --> 00:43:16,161
♪ I want that man
I want that man... ♪
676
00:43:17,161 --> 00:43:18,881
Hi!
677
00:43:22,921 --> 00:43:26,401
♪ I wanna dance with Harry Dean
678
00:43:26,561 --> 00:43:30,001
♪ Drive through Texas
in a black limousine
679
00:43:30,161 --> 00:43:33,601
♪ I want a piece of heaven before I die
680
00:43:36,401 --> 00:43:40,441
♪ I want a pair of pink high heels
681
00:43:40,601 --> 00:43:43,881
♪ Catch the lights
up on the Ferris wheel
682
00:43:44,041 --> 00:43:47,561
♪ But what I really want,
I just can't buy
683
00:43:48,641 --> 00:43:52,321
♪ Here comes the 21st century
684
00:43:52,481 --> 00:43:55,841
♪ It's gonna be much better
for a girl like me
685
00:43:56,001 --> 00:43:59,281
♪ 'Cause I want everything I can
686
00:43:59,441 --> 00:44:02,561
♪ But most of all, I want that man
687
00:44:02,721 --> 00:44:04,441
♪ I want that man
688
00:44:11,241 --> 00:44:14,521
♪ I wanna move
like what's-his-name
689
00:44:14,681 --> 00:44:18,121
♪ I'll keep the money,
you can have the fame
690
00:44:18,281 --> 00:44:22,001
♪ Everything that's yours
will soon be mine.
691
00:44:23,041 --> 00:44:24,801
♪ Yeah, I wanna be the queen... ♪
692
00:44:24,961 --> 00:44:27,841
She's good.
Oh, yeah, right.
693
00:44:28,001 --> 00:44:30,761
This place is something else, huh?
Got that right.
694
00:44:30,921 --> 00:44:32,321
First time here?
695
00:44:32,481 --> 00:44:34,561
Yeah, I'm just up from the country.
696
00:44:34,721 --> 00:44:37,841
Um... certainly takes
all types, doesn't it?
697
00:44:38,841 --> 00:44:40,361
You've got that right.
698
00:44:41,481 --> 00:44:43,321
Hi, I'm Justin.
699
00:44:43,481 --> 00:44:45,281
Oh, Vince. Nice to meet ya.
700
00:44:45,441 --> 00:44:46,761
You too.
701
00:44:46,921 --> 00:44:47,961
Yes?
702
00:44:48,121 --> 00:44:49,721
Hey.
Oh, um...
703
00:44:49,881 --> 00:44:53,441
Could I have a couple
of cold ones, mate... love?
704
00:44:54,641 --> 00:44:57,001
Nice to meet you, Vince.
Yeah, you too, Justin.
705
00:44:57,161 --> 00:44:59,401
Have a good night.
Same to you.
706
00:45:00,721 --> 00:45:02,361
('INSTANT REPLAY' PLAYS)
707
00:45:02,521 --> 00:45:04,321
Ralph.
708
00:45:04,481 --> 00:45:08,401
This here is Laurie, Neil and Anthony.
709
00:45:08,561 --> 00:45:11,681
G'day.
Everybody, Ralph.
710
00:45:11,841 --> 00:45:14,481
Go on. Sit, sit, sit.
711
00:45:16,521 --> 00:45:19,041
Just trying to work out
where I know you from.
712
00:45:19,201 --> 00:45:22,161
Did we meet at the, uh, Old Glory Hole?
713
00:45:22,321 --> 00:45:25,361
No, I'm pretty sure we didn't.
714
00:45:25,521 --> 00:45:28,241
'99 Mardi Gras.
You were the one in the fig leaf.
715
00:45:29,241 --> 00:45:31,081
TIMMY: No, no, I doubt it.
716
00:45:31,241 --> 00:45:32,761
Ralph is just up from the country.
717
00:45:32,921 --> 00:45:35,361
Yeah? You ride?
Pardon?
718
00:45:35,521 --> 00:45:37,681
Do you have a bike?
719
00:45:37,841 --> 00:45:40,241
Oh, yeah, yeah,
a Malvern Star, you know?
720
00:45:40,401 --> 00:45:42,841
With the old Sturmey-Archer
three speeds.
721
00:45:43,001 --> 00:45:44,761
Ooh-hoo, how cute.
722
00:45:47,721 --> 00:45:49,081
You blokes ride?
723
00:45:49,241 --> 00:45:52,441
Yeah, I got a '64 Pantha.
BM.
724
00:45:52,601 --> 00:45:56,401
Mine's a Ducati.
But I do like Malvern Stars.
725
00:45:58,121 --> 00:46:00,401
I've got an old Indian
in the garage at home
726
00:46:00,561 --> 00:46:02,281
I've been meaning to fix for years.
727
00:46:02,441 --> 00:46:03,961
Anyone we know?
728
00:46:05,361 --> 00:46:07,201
I'm a mechanic by trade.
729
00:46:07,361 --> 00:46:09,401
Really? Well, I have a sick Ducati.
730
00:46:09,561 --> 00:46:11,761
I wonder if you could take
a look at it for me.
731
00:46:11,921 --> 00:46:14,561
Oh, yeah, sure. No worries.
732
00:46:16,561 --> 00:46:18,641
You look like a man who can dance.
733
00:46:18,801 --> 00:46:21,601
Well, actually,
I had samba lessons when I was 15.
734
00:46:21,761 --> 00:46:25,281
It was a great way to rub up against
strange women without getting arrested.
735
00:46:26,561 --> 00:46:28,761
Or strange men, rub up against men.
736
00:46:28,921 --> 00:46:30,961
So you swing both ways?
737
00:46:32,201 --> 00:46:34,041
No, to the left, mostly.
738
00:46:34,201 --> 00:46:36,881
Oh! Come with me. Cheeky!
739
00:46:37,041 --> 00:46:38,681
Well, I was...
Come with me.
740
00:46:38,841 --> 00:46:40,281
Ralph...
741
00:46:41,281 --> 00:46:43,601
NEIL: I really appreciate this,
you know?
742
00:46:43,761 --> 00:46:45,761
No worries.
TIMMY: So, Ralph.
743
00:46:45,921 --> 00:46:49,681
Tell us where you and your friend
have been hiding out all this time.
744
00:46:49,841 --> 00:46:53,281
RALPH: Uh, it's a little town
called Yackandandah.
745
00:46:53,441 --> 00:46:55,921
(BLOWS)
You probably haven't heard of it.
746
00:46:56,081 --> 00:46:58,401
The Sleaze Ball.
What?
747
00:46:58,561 --> 00:47:02,441
Where I saw you before.
No.
748
00:47:03,441 --> 00:47:05,481
NEIL: So when did you two
come out, then?
749
00:47:05,641 --> 00:47:07,161
Today.
750
00:47:07,321 --> 00:47:09,441
On the bus.
751
00:47:11,601 --> 00:47:13,361
Yep, that's it.
752
00:47:14,361 --> 00:47:15,721
Dirty fuel.
753
00:47:15,881 --> 00:47:17,921
Should give it a test, though.
754
00:47:18,081 --> 00:47:19,601
Sure.
755
00:47:26,961 --> 00:47:30,361
You know, I really could have
done this on my own, Neil.
756
00:47:31,361 --> 00:47:36,841
And now, for your entertainment,
give it up for the luscious, the gorgeous,
757
00:47:37,001 --> 00:47:39,881
the breathtaking Monique.
758
00:47:40,041 --> 00:47:42,001
(APPLAUSE, MUSIC STARTS)
759
00:47:50,721 --> 00:47:55,201
♪ Looking at you,
my troubles are fleeing
760
00:47:55,361 --> 00:48:00,721
♪ I'm admiring the view,
'cause it's you I'm seeing... ♪
761
00:48:00,881 --> 00:48:03,801
NEIL: Now let me get you a drink.
What will it be?
762
00:48:03,961 --> 00:48:06,281
Uh, just a beer, thanks, Neil.
763
00:48:06,441 --> 00:48:08,961
Heineken, Redback,
Steinlager, Coopers?
764
00:48:09,121 --> 00:48:10,761
As long as it's cold.
765
00:48:12,481 --> 00:48:14,001
Where's your man?
766
00:48:15,881 --> 00:48:17,841
Oh, haven't got a clue.
767
00:48:18,841 --> 00:48:22,841
Look, don't get me wrong,
but you two seem like an odd couple.
768
00:48:24,201 --> 00:48:25,801
Well, we're poofs, aren't we?
769
00:48:25,961 --> 00:48:27,921
It doesn't get much odder than that.
770
00:48:28,081 --> 00:48:29,481
(LAUGHS)
771
00:48:30,481 --> 00:48:32,241
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
772
00:48:32,401 --> 00:48:34,001
(ALL LAUGH)
773
00:48:38,121 --> 00:48:39,281
Hello.
774
00:48:39,441 --> 00:48:42,481
Ralph, what's going on?
You playing tonight or not?
775
00:48:42,641 --> 00:48:47,601
Fred. Uh, listen, mate. I'm in Sydney.
776
00:48:47,761 --> 00:48:50,641
Sydney?
Yeah, I'm up here...
777
00:48:51,681 --> 00:48:53,641
..for a visit.
Oh.
778
00:48:53,801 --> 00:48:56,121
We were expecting you for poker.
779
00:48:56,281 --> 00:48:59,841
You have got to meet Ralph.
She is so crazy.
780
00:49:00,001 --> 00:49:01,441
Jeez, mate, I... I forgot.
781
00:49:01,601 --> 00:49:03,361
She's up from the country
with her boyfriend.
782
00:49:03,401 --> 00:49:04,641
Yeah, I'll be back tomorrow.
783
00:49:04,801 --> 00:49:08,481
What's her name, Ralph?
Sorry, Laurie, what was that?
784
00:49:08,641 --> 00:49:10,281
I said, what's your boyfriend's name?
785
00:49:10,441 --> 00:49:11,481
Uh, Vince.
786
00:49:11,641 --> 00:49:13,161
What was that about Vince?
787
00:49:13,321 --> 00:49:14,761
Oh, Vince...
788
00:49:14,921 --> 00:49:16,161
Yeah, he's here.
789
00:49:16,321 --> 00:49:18,801
(APPLAUSE)
790
00:49:23,521 --> 00:49:25,281
He's...
791
00:49:27,401 --> 00:49:30,241
Ooh, careful, love.
Give a girl a hernia.
792
00:49:30,401 --> 00:49:33,721
Who was that, Ralph?
Listen, Fred, I'm in a bar, mate.
793
00:49:33,881 --> 00:49:36,081
It's very noisy. I've got to go.
794
00:49:36,241 --> 00:49:38,281
I'll see you tomorrow.
795
00:49:44,321 --> 00:49:46,481
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS)
796
00:49:51,881 --> 00:49:56,161
It seems Ralph and Vince
are in Sydney.
797
00:49:56,321 --> 00:50:00,001
Really?
Why would they be in Sydney?
798
00:50:01,001 --> 00:50:02,961
Must have gone up there for work.
799
00:50:03,961 --> 00:50:06,281
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
800
00:50:06,441 --> 00:50:08,241
Well, Vince does have a business.
801
00:50:08,401 --> 00:50:11,161
Of course. He's a businessman.
Wears a tie and all.
802
00:50:11,321 --> 00:50:14,241
Probably... gone up there
for business.
803
00:50:14,401 --> 00:50:17,721
Oh, definitely.
I went to Sydney for business once.
804
00:50:17,881 --> 00:50:19,761
See? It's quite common.
805
00:50:19,921 --> 00:50:22,521
Yeah, of course it is.
Vince is a businessman.
806
00:50:22,681 --> 00:50:24,321
He went up there for business.
807
00:50:28,161 --> 00:50:29,881
Why do you think Ralph went?
808
00:50:35,041 --> 00:50:38,601
Because... he's a mechanic.
809
00:50:38,761 --> 00:50:41,161
Of course he is.
And a damn good one.
810
00:50:42,721 --> 00:50:44,961
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
811
00:51:02,601 --> 00:51:08,441
♪ Darling, life seemed so Grey
812
00:51:08,601 --> 00:51:12,361
♪ I wanted to end it
till that wonderful day
813
00:51:12,521 --> 00:51:15,801
♪ You started to mend it
814
00:51:15,961 --> 00:51:20,161
♪ And if you'll only stay
815
00:51:20,321 --> 00:51:28,321
♪ Well, then, I'll spend it
looking at you. ♪
816
00:51:31,081 --> 00:51:33,041
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
817
00:51:51,321 --> 00:51:53,561
Did you get any compliments
on your pants?
818
00:51:53,721 --> 00:51:55,961
I think the undies
frightened them off.
819
00:51:56,121 --> 00:51:57,441
(LAUGHS)
820
00:51:57,601 --> 00:51:59,401
(CAMERA CLICKS)
821
00:52:01,041 --> 00:52:02,361
(BEAR YELLS)
Oh.
822
00:52:02,521 --> 00:52:04,841
I didn't expect that.
823
00:52:06,121 --> 00:52:09,041
Oh, neither did I. First prize, eh?
824
00:52:09,201 --> 00:52:11,521
We must have been better
than I thought we were.
825
00:52:12,721 --> 00:52:15,761
LAURIE: How you guys
enjoying the big city?
826
00:52:15,921 --> 00:52:19,961
Well, to be honest, Laurie, if I hadn't
had seen it with my own eyes,
827
00:52:20,121 --> 00:52:23,241
I never would have believed
a place like this existed.
828
00:52:23,401 --> 00:52:26,961
Wonderful, isn't it?
LAURIE: Yeah.
829
00:52:27,121 --> 00:52:29,681
A lot of things have changed
in the last 30 years.
830
00:52:30,681 --> 00:52:35,081
Nowadays, it's in to be out.
831
00:52:35,241 --> 00:52:37,321
No-one seems to notice anymore.
832
00:52:37,481 --> 00:52:38,481
Oh, yeah?
833
00:52:38,561 --> 00:52:41,321
You should come down
to Yackandandah.
834
00:52:41,481 --> 00:52:44,921
I grew up in the country,
and I can tell you, it was not easy.
835
00:52:45,081 --> 00:52:48,081
NEIL: You guys are heroes.
You know that?
836
00:52:48,241 --> 00:52:52,161
I mean, you've lived
amongst all this prejudice,
837
00:52:52,321 --> 00:52:56,161
and here you are,
years past your prime,
838
00:52:56,321 --> 00:53:01,721
eyes filled with a passion
that's only for each other.
839
00:53:02,841 --> 00:53:05,401
Yeah, just look at the two of you.
840
00:53:05,561 --> 00:53:08,201
Beautiful.
841
00:53:08,361 --> 00:53:13,881
You know... you make me proud
to be a gay man.
842
00:53:16,561 --> 00:53:18,481
To Ralph and Vince.
843
00:53:18,641 --> 00:53:22,041
OTHERS: To Ralph and Vince.
844
00:53:24,801 --> 00:53:26,241
Who wants another drink?
845
00:53:38,361 --> 00:53:42,001
You know, it's funny, mate.
And don't take this the wrong way.
846
00:53:42,161 --> 00:53:45,281
But the worst thing
about all this gay business
847
00:53:45,441 --> 00:53:47,921
is not that people think I'm gay.
848
00:53:48,081 --> 00:53:50,881
It's that people think
I'm going out with you.
849
00:53:51,041 --> 00:53:52,401
Eh?
850
00:53:52,561 --> 00:53:58,041
Well, no offence, but if I was really gay,
I could do a lot better than you.
851
00:53:58,201 --> 00:54:00,441
Yeah? I tell you what.
852
00:54:00,601 --> 00:54:04,401
If I was really gay, I could do
a hell of a lot better than you.
853
00:54:04,561 --> 00:54:06,321
Sorry, mate. I don't think so.
854
00:54:06,481 --> 00:54:09,481
Oh, yeah, I'd have good-looking blokes
after me, you know,
855
00:54:09,641 --> 00:54:11,041
like movie stars and that.
856
00:54:11,201 --> 00:54:14,481
Like who?
Oh, Burt Reynolds.
857
00:54:14,641 --> 00:54:16,481
Burt Reynolds isn't gay.
858
00:54:16,641 --> 00:54:21,121
No, but I could probably get him to turn.
You certainly couldn't.
859
00:54:25,121 --> 00:54:27,921
Vince.
Yeah, mate?
860
00:54:28,081 --> 00:54:31,721
I think it's just as well
we're going home today.
861
00:54:31,881 --> 00:54:33,441
Yeah.
862
00:54:42,361 --> 00:54:44,121
(TYRES SCREECH)
863
00:55:00,681 --> 00:55:02,201
CARLA ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hey, Dad.
864
00:55:02,361 --> 00:55:05,201
You're probably out helping Faith
get things ready for the ball tonight.
865
00:55:05,281 --> 00:55:08,161
We're at Jindalong,
and Pete's just filling up the car.
866
00:55:08,321 --> 00:55:09,841
We're probably going for a bite.
867
00:55:10,001 --> 00:55:14,441
Just rang to see if you needed us
to bring a chicken or anything for tea.
868
00:55:14,601 --> 00:55:17,521
But you're not home,
so we'll sort it out when we get there.
869
00:55:17,681 --> 00:55:19,641
OK, see you soon, Dad. 'Bye.
870
00:55:43,721 --> 00:55:45,041
YVONNE: Ah, Vince?
871
00:55:45,201 --> 00:55:48,561
There was a gentleman here today
asking where you boys were earlier.
872
00:55:48,721 --> 00:55:50,201
Uh... really?
873
00:55:50,361 --> 00:55:53,001
Yeah, he said he was a bit early,
and I had no idea where you were,
874
00:55:53,121 --> 00:55:54,441
but he said he'd be back...
875
00:55:54,601 --> 00:55:56,481
Oh, here he comes now.
876
00:55:59,081 --> 00:56:01,601
Um, Vonnie.
Mmm.
877
00:56:01,761 --> 00:56:03,241
Me and Ralph are in a big hurry.
878
00:56:03,401 --> 00:56:05,121
Can you do us a really big favour?
Yeah.
879
00:56:05,281 --> 00:56:10,201
Will you just tell this guy to meet us
at Ralph's place in, say, half an hour?
880
00:56:10,361 --> 00:56:14,361
Is everything alright?
Oh, yeah. Just a business thing.
881
00:56:19,321 --> 00:56:21,081
Vonnie, thanks.
882
00:56:21,241 --> 00:56:23,281
Oh, Vince.
883
00:56:23,441 --> 00:56:24,441
(BEAR YELLS)
884
00:56:24,601 --> 00:56:29,441
Ah! I'd like to wrap it nice for you.
885
00:56:30,641 --> 00:56:31,641
(DISAPPOINTEDLY) Oh.
886
00:56:31,761 --> 00:56:34,201
He's here, Ralph. He's here.
RALPH: Who?
887
00:56:34,361 --> 00:56:35,961
The bloody ferret from the...
888
00:56:36,961 --> 00:56:38,201
Struth.
889
00:56:38,361 --> 00:56:40,521
You must be the gentleman
looking for us.
890
00:56:40,681 --> 00:56:42,361
I'm Vince Hopgood.
Ah.
891
00:56:42,521 --> 00:56:44,321
And this big hunk is Ralph Williams.
892
00:56:44,481 --> 00:56:45,801
And I'm Russell McKenzie.
893
00:56:45,961 --> 00:56:49,401
Russell. Sorry, sorry to keep you waiting.
We just got off the bus from Sydney.
894
00:56:49,561 --> 00:56:51,281
Didn't know you were going
to be here early.
895
00:56:51,401 --> 00:56:52,401
No worries.
896
00:56:53,401 --> 00:56:56,961
Um, could... could you be a dear
and give us 20 minutes
897
00:56:57,121 --> 00:56:59,121
to slip home and take these rags off?
898
00:56:59,281 --> 00:57:00,761
Of course.
899
00:57:00,921 --> 00:57:02,721
You got the address, then?
I do.
900
00:57:02,881 --> 00:57:04,721
Oh. Splendid.
901
00:57:06,361 --> 00:57:07,841
Lovely... lovely day for it.
902
00:57:08,001 --> 00:57:09,721
Super.
903
00:57:21,961 --> 00:57:23,881
What's my favourite colour?
Purple.
904
00:57:24,041 --> 00:57:25,721
It's blue.
Blue.
905
00:57:25,881 --> 00:57:27,921
Remember, little things like that
will trip us up.
906
00:57:36,521 --> 00:57:38,001
Sorry, love.
907
00:57:39,281 --> 00:57:43,801
So remember, when we first
got together, I chased you,
908
00:57:43,961 --> 00:57:45,401
and you played hard to get.
909
00:57:45,561 --> 00:57:47,401
If you say so.
Good.
910
00:57:48,401 --> 00:57:51,321
So how'd you do it?
Do what?
911
00:57:51,481 --> 00:57:53,641
How'd you win me over?
912
00:57:53,801 --> 00:57:55,761
I bought you flowers,
took you out to dinner.
913
00:57:55,921 --> 00:57:59,841
Yeah? Where?
I don't know, the pub.
914
00:58:00,001 --> 00:58:02,561
Oh! Cheapskate.
That wouldn't win me over.
915
00:58:03,561 --> 00:58:07,161
Alright, I took you to that flash
restaurant in the Beachworth Motel.
916
00:58:07,321 --> 00:58:10,041
Yeah, well, at least that's got
a bit of atmosphere.
917
00:58:10,201 --> 00:58:13,241
Yeah, might have even treated you
to a naughty weekend.
918
00:58:13,401 --> 00:58:15,841
I don't even want
to think about that.
919
00:58:20,281 --> 00:58:23,481
OK.
What?
920
00:58:23,641 --> 00:58:25,841
Mate, I don't want to do this
any more than you do.
921
00:58:26,001 --> 00:58:28,001
But we got to look
like the real McCoy.
922
00:58:29,201 --> 00:58:30,761
Argh.
923
00:58:37,281 --> 00:58:38,601
Relax.
924
00:58:38,761 --> 00:58:40,361
And...
925
00:58:44,081 --> 00:58:47,041
No, no, no, no. I can't do it.
926
00:58:48,041 --> 00:58:50,081
Ugh.
I can't believe you.
927
00:58:50,241 --> 00:58:52,961
You still find all this
disgusting, don't you?
928
00:58:53,121 --> 00:58:55,521
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
929
00:58:55,681 --> 00:58:58,561
After all we've seen,
all the people we've met,
930
00:58:58,721 --> 00:59:01,521
you still find homosexuality disgusting.
931
00:59:01,681 --> 00:59:05,481
No, I don't find homosexuality
disgusting at all.
932
00:59:06,681 --> 00:59:09,161
I just think it'd be disgusting with you.
933
00:59:12,321 --> 00:59:13,801
Ooh.
934
00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:17,481
Yeah. All the more reason
we have to rehearse.
935
00:59:17,641 --> 00:59:19,121
Come on.
936
00:59:21,361 --> 00:59:24,241
Come here. Here we go.
937
00:59:27,561 --> 00:59:29,481
Not so bad.
938
00:59:29,641 --> 00:59:31,161
Movin' up.
939
00:59:32,601 --> 00:59:34,681
(CHAIR CREAKS)
940
00:59:36,321 --> 00:59:38,841
Now enjoy it. Big Ralphie smile.
941
00:59:39,001 --> 00:59:40,321
(CAR DOOR SLAMS)
942
00:59:40,481 --> 00:59:41,961
Oh, shit, he's here.
943
00:59:43,481 --> 00:59:45,801
You get the front door.
I'll finish getting changed.
944
00:59:47,041 --> 00:59:48,961
(DOG BARKS)
Oh, shit.
945
00:59:49,121 --> 00:59:50,521
He's coming round the back way.
946
00:59:50,681 --> 00:59:53,001
Seems somehow appropriate.
947
00:59:54,561 --> 00:59:56,521
(BARKING CONTINUES)
948
00:59:58,001 --> 01:00:00,441
Oh. Hi, Dad.
Carla!
949
01:00:00,601 --> 01:00:02,241
(LAUGHS)
Oh.
950
01:00:02,401 --> 01:00:04,401
Oh. Ah.
951
01:00:04,561 --> 01:00:07,841
Uh, listen, love, this is a bit awkward.
952
01:00:08,001 --> 01:00:09,961
Do you think you could
come back a little later?
953
01:00:10,121 --> 01:00:14,081
See, Vince... Vince and I have got
an important business meeting
954
01:00:14,241 --> 01:00:16,441
with a bloke, see, in a few minutes.
955
01:00:16,601 --> 01:00:20,241
So do you reckon you could take Peter
for a drive around town
956
01:00:20,401 --> 01:00:23,001
or a drink or something?
957
01:00:23,161 --> 01:00:26,041
OK. Is everything alright?
Oh, fine, fine.
958
01:00:26,201 --> 01:00:29,161
It's just that this bloke,
he's come down from the city especially.
959
01:00:29,321 --> 01:00:31,961
So if you could come back
in about an hour, OK?
960
01:00:32,121 --> 01:00:33,641
(FLOORBOARD CREAKS)
961
01:00:33,801 --> 01:00:35,121
CARLA: Hey, Vince.
962
01:00:35,281 --> 01:00:36,841
Why is Vince...
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
963
01:00:37,001 --> 01:00:39,801
I can't talk, love.
I think that's the bloke at the door now.
964
01:00:39,961 --> 01:00:41,281
Look, I'll see you soon.
965
01:00:41,441 --> 01:00:43,001
'Bye.
'Bye.
966
01:00:47,401 --> 01:00:48,721
Well, hello.
967
01:00:48,881 --> 01:00:51,561
Come in. Come in.
Entrez-vous.
968
01:00:51,721 --> 01:00:53,601
Thank you.
969
01:00:56,961 --> 01:00:59,401
Hey, baby, don't worry about that.
We'll come back in a while.
970
01:01:00,041 --> 01:01:01,681
Oh, OK.
971
01:01:04,281 --> 01:01:06,457
What the hell are you doing?
I've got to get out of here.
972
01:01:06,481 --> 01:01:08,481
I can't do this.
Can't do what?
973
01:01:08,641 --> 01:01:10,137
McKENZlE: I see you two are film buffs.
974
01:01:10,161 --> 01:01:12,921
Oh, yes, we just adore the cinema.
975
01:01:13,081 --> 01:01:16,161
Of course, it's wonderful
owning the local theatre.
976
01:01:16,321 --> 01:01:18,321
You can't do what?
You can't desert me now.
977
01:01:18,481 --> 01:01:20,601
No-one was supposed to know.
Now Carla's seen you.
978
01:01:20,761 --> 01:01:22,441
I just had to lie to her, for God's sake,
979
01:01:22,601 --> 01:01:25,177
and now I've got some freaking
tax inspector sitting in my living room.
980
01:01:25,201 --> 01:01:27,801
Look, I'm sorry about that.
Bullshit you're sorry.
981
01:01:30,441 --> 01:01:33,561
I was happy to go along with this
to help you out, but it's gone too far.
982
01:01:33,721 --> 01:01:36,521
Come on. We can do this.
983
01:01:36,681 --> 01:01:38,161
(BOTH CONTINUE MUTTERING)
984
01:01:42,721 --> 01:01:44,481
RALPH: Ah, shit.
985
01:01:44,641 --> 01:01:46,201
Oh! Cramp, cramp.
986
01:01:46,361 --> 01:01:49,681
Here, here, push, push. Harder, harder!
987
01:01:49,841 --> 01:01:51,321
(RALPH GROANS)
988
01:01:51,481 --> 01:01:52,801
You OK in there?
989
01:01:52,961 --> 01:01:54,601
Uh, we're fine.
990
01:01:54,761 --> 01:01:55,761
Ah!
991
01:01:58,881 --> 01:02:00,881
Let me stand on it.
992
01:02:03,161 --> 01:02:04,761
On we go. We can do it. Come on.
993
01:02:05,761 --> 01:02:07,921
No, Vince.
You're on your own, mate.
994
01:02:09,841 --> 01:02:11,401
Mate, don't do this to us.
995
01:02:11,561 --> 01:02:13,081
Sorry.
996
01:02:29,681 --> 01:02:32,121
Oh, sorry to keep you waiting, Russell.
997
01:02:32,281 --> 01:02:36,921
Ralph will be joining us in a moment.
He's trying to put an outfit together.
998
01:02:37,921 --> 01:02:39,801
Can I get you something to drink?
999
01:02:39,961 --> 01:02:42,441
Tea? Coffee? Something stronger?
1000
01:02:42,601 --> 01:02:44,241
No, I'm fine, thanks, Mr Hopgood.
1001
01:02:44,401 --> 01:02:46,761
Oh, call me Vinnie.
1002
01:03:06,641 --> 01:03:09,721
That's a... lovely tie
you're wearing, Russell.
1003
01:03:09,881 --> 01:03:11,481
Well, thank you.
1004
01:03:11,641 --> 01:03:13,561
My favourite colour, actually.
1005
01:03:18,681 --> 01:03:20,001
Oh, it's Ralph.
1006
01:03:20,161 --> 01:03:21,641
Mr Williams.
1007
01:03:23,721 --> 01:03:26,041
It was worth the wait. (CHUCKLES)
1008
01:03:26,201 --> 01:03:27,681
Come over here, dear.
1009
01:03:35,681 --> 01:03:40,881
Now, well, how can this gorgeous man
and I help you, Russell?
1010
01:03:41,041 --> 01:03:43,241
Well, Mr Hopgood,
I have to hand here
1011
01:03:43,401 --> 01:03:47,961
your application for official recognition
of your same-sex union.
1012
01:03:48,121 --> 01:03:51,161
Oh, yes, and I just can't tell you
how thrilled we are
1013
01:03:51,321 --> 01:03:56,401
that the government has finally
recognised our marriage, as it were.
1014
01:03:56,561 --> 01:03:58,761
Well, it's the validity
of that marriage, Mr Hopgood,
1015
01:03:58,921 --> 01:04:00,481
that I'm here to establish.
1016
01:04:00,641 --> 01:04:03,401
Unfortunately, this new law
is open to some abuse
1017
01:04:03,561 --> 01:04:07,361
by people with considerable tax debts,
for instance.
1018
01:04:08,681 --> 01:04:10,881
Needless to say,
people caught in the act
1019
01:04:11,041 --> 01:04:13,321
of participating
in such fraudulent activity
1020
01:04:13,481 --> 01:04:17,081
will be prosecuted
to the full extent of the law.
1021
01:04:19,641 --> 01:04:25,361
So, now, exactly how
did you two good people fall in love?
1022
01:04:26,961 --> 01:04:28,441
Yes.
1023
01:04:29,441 --> 01:04:34,641
Well, how does one recall
the day, the moment?
1024
01:04:35,841 --> 01:04:40,521
I walked into the garage, and
he was standing there in his overalls,
1025
01:04:40,681 --> 01:04:45,361
screwdriver in his hand and deep
in the bowels of a truck engine.
1026
01:04:46,521 --> 01:04:49,201
And he looked up, and our eyes met,
1027
01:04:49,361 --> 01:04:52,601
and I think in that instant,
we both knew.
1028
01:04:52,761 --> 01:04:54,801
Mmm.
Hmm.
1029
01:04:55,961 --> 01:04:58,561
So was there a period of courtship?
1030
01:04:58,721 --> 01:05:00,481
Courtship?
1031
01:05:00,641 --> 01:05:03,161
Oh, I'll give you courtship, Russell.
1032
01:05:04,161 --> 01:05:05,761
He pursued me relentlessly.
1033
01:05:05,921 --> 01:05:09,081
Didn't you, Ralphie?
Well, I wouldn't say that.
1034
01:05:09,241 --> 01:05:11,601
VINCE: No, no, look at him.
1035
01:05:13,321 --> 01:05:14,641
Buttercup.
1036
01:05:14,801 --> 01:05:16,257
He gets embarrassed talking about it.
1037
01:05:16,281 --> 01:05:17,801
You see, we were both locals,
1038
01:05:17,961 --> 01:05:21,841
and growing up, Ralph was
this peculiar young man.
1039
01:05:22,001 --> 01:05:24,081
Always alone, mysterious.
1040
01:05:24,241 --> 01:05:26,841
And you, I mean...
Let me finish, darl.
1041
01:05:28,001 --> 01:05:31,041
But once he decided
that I was what he wanted,
1042
01:05:31,201 --> 01:05:34,121
well, then he showered me with gifts.
1043
01:05:34,281 --> 01:05:36,841
He sent me flowers and roses.
1044
01:05:37,001 --> 01:05:38,441
I sent him a wrench.
1045
01:05:40,241 --> 01:05:43,121
Well, before you knew it...
1046
01:05:45,361 --> 01:05:47,361
It wasn't... it wasn't that quick.
1047
01:05:47,521 --> 01:05:52,401
And, of course, there was the poetry.
1048
01:05:53,481 --> 01:05:55,561
Poetry?
Oh, yeah.
1049
01:05:55,721 --> 01:05:58,281
Beneath this shy exterior,
1050
01:05:58,441 --> 01:06:01,361
little Ralphie here
is quite the romantic.
1051
01:06:01,521 --> 01:06:02,881
Aren't you, sweetie?
1052
01:06:03,041 --> 01:06:05,321
Yeah, yeah.
1053
01:06:07,561 --> 01:06:09,921
You have any copies of these poems?
1054
01:06:10,081 --> 01:06:11,401
For my files, you understand.
1055
01:06:11,561 --> 01:06:13,041
Oh, you know...
1056
01:06:14,041 --> 01:06:15,961
I've no idea where they got to. It's...
1057
01:06:16,121 --> 01:06:17,561
Hmm.
1058
01:06:18,561 --> 01:06:21,561
Uh, but I can still remember
the first one.
1059
01:06:21,721 --> 01:06:24,281
Really?
Really?
1060
01:06:24,441 --> 01:06:25,761
Oh, yes.
1061
01:06:25,921 --> 01:06:29,481
It, ah... it went... something like this.
1062
01:06:32,601 --> 01:06:34,441
"Vince, Vince,
1063
01:06:34,601 --> 01:06:37,001
"you are my prince.
1064
01:06:37,161 --> 01:06:38,561
"You came into my life
1065
01:06:38,721 --> 01:06:40,801
"and you haven't left since.
1066
01:06:42,721 --> 01:06:44,401
"My love for you
1067
01:06:44,561 --> 01:06:46,721
"will always be true.
1068
01:06:47,841 --> 01:06:51,241
"Vince, Vince, my handsome prince."
1069
01:06:52,241 --> 01:06:54,481
Charming.
Thank you.
1070
01:06:55,481 --> 01:06:56,961
You devil.
1071
01:07:01,721 --> 01:07:03,841
Now, be careful there, boys.
1072
01:07:05,721 --> 01:07:08,001
Oh, hello, Carla.
Hello, Faith.
1073
01:07:08,161 --> 01:07:09,977
You don't have your father
with you, do you, dear?
1074
01:07:10,001 --> 01:07:11,321
No, I don't. Sorry.
1075
01:07:11,481 --> 01:07:13,257
Oh, he's just late
with the fire truck, that's all.
1076
01:07:13,281 --> 01:07:15,441
Oh, right. Faith, this is Peta.
1077
01:07:15,601 --> 01:07:17,321
Lovely to meet you, dear.
1078
01:07:17,481 --> 01:07:18,801
Up for the weekend?
1079
01:07:18,961 --> 01:07:20,417
CARLA: No, just the night, unfortunately.
1080
01:07:20,441 --> 01:07:23,321
I had to come and see Dad.
Oh, of course.
1081
01:07:24,321 --> 01:07:26,601
It must have been
a terrible shock for you, dear.
1082
01:07:26,761 --> 01:07:28,081
Sorry?
1083
01:07:28,241 --> 01:07:31,761
Well, when you heard
about your father and Vince.
1084
01:07:31,921 --> 01:07:34,241
Father and... Vince.
1085
01:07:34,401 --> 01:07:36,001
OK, what have they done now?
1086
01:07:36,161 --> 01:07:37,641
Each other, apparently.
1087
01:07:41,401 --> 01:07:44,721
And, yes, we just live for the cinema,
1088
01:07:44,881 --> 01:07:46,241
long drives through the country
1089
01:07:46,401 --> 01:07:50,841
and... and, of course,
Ralph just adores the ballet.
1090
01:07:51,001 --> 01:07:53,441
The ballet?
I love the ballet.
1091
01:07:53,601 --> 01:07:55,521
Do you have a particular favourite?
1092
01:07:55,681 --> 01:07:57,161
Uh...
1093
01:07:58,441 --> 01:07:59,921
Well, there's... there's...
1094
01:08:00,921 --> 01:08:02,377
..there's so many of them,
aren't there?
1095
01:08:02,401 --> 01:08:07,361
It's... it's really hard
to pick just... just one.
1096
01:08:08,961 --> 01:08:14,121
I think, uh... I think
I'd have to say, um...
1097
01:08:15,921 --> 01:08:18,441
The...'Nutcracker'.
1098
01:08:18,601 --> 01:08:19,441
Sweet.
1099
01:08:19,601 --> 01:08:20,441
'Nutcracker Suite'.
1100
01:08:20,601 --> 01:08:23,481
I saw a production of that recently
in Canberra.
1101
01:08:23,641 --> 01:08:25,121
Really good.
1102
01:08:26,521 --> 01:08:30,601
I see from my files that you were both
previously heterosexually married.
1103
01:08:30,761 --> 01:08:33,681
Have you both always known
that you were gay?
1104
01:08:35,041 --> 01:08:37,361
Well, Vince has.
Haven't you, darl?
1105
01:08:37,521 --> 01:08:40,321
Yeah, yeah, when we were younger,
1106
01:08:40,481 --> 01:08:42,801
Vince was always hanging
around the football club
1107
01:08:42,961 --> 01:08:44,281
offering to massage the players.
1108
01:08:44,441 --> 01:08:45,921
(CHUCKLES)
1109
01:08:46,921 --> 01:08:48,737
I don't know if I should be
telling you this, Russell,
1110
01:08:48,761 --> 01:08:53,561
but... our Vincie
used to put it about a bit.
1111
01:08:53,721 --> 01:08:55,961
And behind the wife's back, mind you.
1112
01:08:56,121 --> 01:08:57,681
Mmm.
Well...
1113
01:08:57,841 --> 01:09:00,441
No, no, it's my turn, darling.
It's my turn.
1114
01:09:00,601 --> 01:09:05,241
Yes, remember... remember that time
with that young jackaroo, Vincie,
1115
01:09:05,401 --> 01:09:06,801
in the projection box?
1116
01:09:06,961 --> 01:09:09,881
(LAUGHS WEAKLY)
Yes, I walked in unexpectedly.
1117
01:09:10,041 --> 01:09:15,561
And... well, I didn't know what to think.
1118
01:09:16,761 --> 01:09:20,201
Yes, yes, but he's settled down
a lot since those days.
1119
01:09:20,361 --> 01:09:22,841
Haven't you, possum? Hey, hey, yes?
1120
01:09:23,001 --> 01:09:25,641
Yes, and it's all
because of you, buttercup.
1121
01:09:25,801 --> 01:09:27,641
(LAUGHS)
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
1122
01:09:29,041 --> 01:09:30,641
Ah! Thanks, Stan.
1123
01:09:30,801 --> 01:09:32,681
Just leave 'em right there.
Thanks, mate.
1124
01:09:40,241 --> 01:09:41,721
Well...
1125
01:09:43,241 --> 01:09:44,561
That about does it for me.
1126
01:09:44,721 --> 01:09:46,441
Oh, finished so soon?
1127
01:09:46,601 --> 01:09:48,481
Yes, I'll send in my report.
1128
01:09:48,641 --> 01:09:50,601
You'll receive the results by mail.
1129
01:09:50,761 --> 01:09:53,241
Oh, splendid.
1130
01:09:53,401 --> 01:09:55,321
Oh, one thing.
1131
01:09:56,841 --> 01:10:01,441
You must get this sworn affidavit signed
and filled in by a local citizen,
1132
01:10:01,601 --> 01:10:03,921
preferably someone of prominence,
1133
01:10:04,081 --> 01:10:06,401
somebody who's known you both
for more than five years.
1134
01:10:06,561 --> 01:10:08,641
Oh, no problem at all, Russell.
1135
01:10:08,801 --> 01:10:11,321
We'll have it filled out and sent to you
before the week's out.
1136
01:10:12,921 --> 01:10:14,401
Oh.
1137
01:10:15,401 --> 01:10:17,601
These are lovely, aren't they?
1138
01:10:17,761 --> 01:10:19,961
Oh, yes, Ralphie grew them for me.
1139
01:10:20,121 --> 01:10:22,161
They're his favourite colour.
Oh.
1140
01:10:23,441 --> 01:10:25,921
Well, one of my favourite colours.
1141
01:10:26,081 --> 01:10:31,361
I love anything in the bluey, mauvey,
maroonish spectrum.
1142
01:10:32,681 --> 01:10:34,041
Don't I, Ralph?
1143
01:10:34,201 --> 01:10:35,681
Apparently.
1144
01:10:37,321 --> 01:10:38,881
Thank you. 'Bye.
1145
01:10:39,041 --> 01:10:40,361
'Bye.
'Bye.
1146
01:10:40,521 --> 01:10:42,441
'Bye.
1147
01:10:44,081 --> 01:10:45,401
G'day.
Cheerio.
1148
01:10:45,561 --> 01:10:47,041
Bye-bye.
1149
01:10:48,881 --> 01:10:52,241
Hey, all in all, that went really well.
1150
01:10:53,241 --> 01:10:54,721
Oh, yeah, really well.
1151
01:10:55,721 --> 01:10:57,041
What about this?
1152
01:10:57,201 --> 01:10:58,561
Oh, well...
1153
01:10:58,721 --> 01:11:00,681
We're really late.
1154
01:11:02,561 --> 01:11:04,721
(ENGINE SPUTTERS)
RALPH: And again.
1155
01:11:05,841 --> 01:11:07,561
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
1156
01:11:07,721 --> 01:11:09,321
Quick, the door!
1157
01:11:10,921 --> 01:11:12,681
CARLA: Dad, are you there?
1158
01:11:12,841 --> 01:11:14,201
Yeah, he's gone.
1159
01:11:14,361 --> 01:11:16,121
So this is the place where I grew up.
1160
01:11:27,321 --> 01:11:28,641
(ENGINE CHUGS)
VINCE: Alright!
1161
01:11:28,801 --> 01:11:30,441
You did it, Ralphie.
1162
01:11:30,601 --> 01:11:33,681
Right, now all we gotta do
is get to the hall in one piece
1163
01:11:33,841 --> 01:11:37,321
and find out if Stan saw anything
when he dropped the tomatoes off.
1164
01:11:37,481 --> 01:11:40,361
And if he did,
I'll come up with an excuse.
1165
01:11:40,521 --> 01:11:42,361
Yeah, you'll come up with an excuse.
1166
01:11:42,521 --> 01:11:45,401
Like what?
I'll think of something.
1167
01:11:47,521 --> 01:11:50,521
(HOEDOWN MUSIC)
1168
01:12:00,961 --> 01:12:02,641
Is the handbrake on?
1169
01:12:06,641 --> 01:12:08,681
What a day, hey, Ralphie?
1170
01:12:08,841 --> 01:12:11,441
At least now we can relax
among our friends,
1171
01:12:11,601 --> 01:12:14,121
just be our normal charming selves.
1172
01:12:15,841 --> 01:12:18,841
(HOEDOWN MUSIC CONTINUES)
1173
01:12:27,521 --> 01:12:29,801
Hello, everybody! Coming through!
1174
01:12:29,961 --> 01:12:31,441
Something yummy!
1175
01:12:31,601 --> 01:12:34,161
Something fruity and full of cream!
1176
01:12:34,321 --> 01:12:36,281
Oh, and a couple of cakes, as well.
1177
01:12:38,401 --> 01:12:40,001
God, he's good.
1178
01:12:40,161 --> 01:12:42,201
He's better than the real thing.
1179
01:12:42,361 --> 01:12:44,017
Oh, there's Stan.
I'm going to go and talk to him.
1180
01:12:44,041 --> 01:12:45,801
I gotta find Carla.
1181
01:13:07,281 --> 01:13:08,681
How was Sydney?
1182
01:13:08,841 --> 01:13:10,681
Sydney, ah...
1183
01:13:11,681 --> 01:13:13,001
..was OK.
1184
01:13:13,161 --> 01:13:15,881
So... why did you go?
1185
01:13:16,881 --> 01:13:19,081
I was...
Was it business?
1186
01:13:19,241 --> 01:13:21,761
Business, yeah, that's it.
Business.
1187
01:13:22,761 --> 01:13:24,321
Oh, Stan, when you got
a minute, mate...
1188
01:13:24,361 --> 01:13:26,681
Did you get the tomatoes?
Yeah, yeah, thanks.
1189
01:13:33,201 --> 01:13:36,401
Hey, Vonnie. I really want to thank you
for helping us out today.
1190
01:13:36,561 --> 01:13:38,121
That's OK, Vince.
1191
01:13:38,281 --> 01:13:40,361
No, I really want to thank you...
1192
01:13:41,361 --> 01:13:43,161
You know, like,
take you out to dinner.
1193
01:13:43,321 --> 01:13:46,321
Maybe the little restaurant in the motel
1194
01:13:46,481 --> 01:13:47,801
up in Beachworth.
1195
01:13:47,961 --> 01:13:51,001
Oh, that's very sweet of you, Vince,
but it really isn't necessary.
1196
01:13:52,001 --> 01:13:53,481
Yes, it is.
1197
01:14:11,161 --> 01:14:12,521
What about lunch, then?
1198
01:14:12,681 --> 01:14:14,041
Let me buy you lunch.
1199
01:14:14,201 --> 01:14:15,521
(LAUGHS)
1200
01:14:15,681 --> 01:14:17,521
Oh, I know - a picnic.
1201
01:14:18,521 --> 01:14:20,801
Nice little picnic in the countryside,
you and me.
1202
01:14:20,961 --> 01:14:24,001
Oh, that's very sweet of you, Vince,
but what about Ralph?
1203
01:14:24,161 --> 01:14:26,481
What about Ralph?
What's it got to do with Ralph?
1204
01:14:27,481 --> 01:14:28,801
Well, he's your...
1205
01:14:28,961 --> 01:14:30,881
Well, you two are gay.
1206
01:14:31,041 --> 01:14:33,241
Aren't you?
Me, gay?
1207
01:14:33,401 --> 01:14:35,561
No, no, no, I'm not gay.
1208
01:14:38,481 --> 01:14:41,561
I'm, uh... bisexual, actually.
1209
01:14:41,721 --> 01:14:44,641
Oh.
Yeah, I've been my whole life.
1210
01:14:44,801 --> 01:14:46,441
Oh, Russell.
1211
01:14:46,601 --> 01:14:49,401
Didn't... didn't realise
you were still in town.
1212
01:14:49,561 --> 01:14:52,321
Yes, I've got another interview
in the area Monday,
1213
01:14:52,481 --> 01:14:53,881
so I thought, "What the hell?"
1214
01:14:54,041 --> 01:14:57,321
Stay on, enjoy the ball.
Oh, splendid.
1215
01:14:57,481 --> 01:14:59,281
Lot of weirdos in Sydney.
1216
01:14:59,441 --> 01:15:01,881
Saw you two together this afternoon.
1217
01:15:02,041 --> 01:15:03,521
Didn't want to interrupt.
1218
01:15:05,081 --> 01:15:07,601
MAN: I know what you two
have been up to.
1219
01:15:08,841 --> 01:15:11,001
Vince had dragged you
into one of his business schemes.
1220
01:15:11,081 --> 01:15:14,041
Am I right?
Yeah, well, I really can't talk about...
1221
01:15:14,201 --> 01:15:15,521
Ralph.
1222
01:15:15,681 --> 01:15:17,681
Hi, fellas.
1223
01:15:17,841 --> 01:15:19,521
What? What?
1224
01:15:19,681 --> 01:15:21,041
Oh, sweetheart, look who's here.
1225
01:15:21,201 --> 01:15:23,161
Oh, fabulous!
1226
01:15:23,321 --> 01:15:24,961
(QUIETLY) Oh, fuck.
1227
01:15:26,321 --> 01:15:27,641
What's he doing here?
1228
01:15:27,801 --> 01:15:29,121
How the hell would I know?
1229
01:15:29,281 --> 01:15:30,761
Maybe he likes to dance.
1230
01:15:31,881 --> 01:15:33,521
This is not good, Vince.
1231
01:15:33,681 --> 01:15:35,001
I'll tell you what I do know.
1232
01:15:35,161 --> 01:15:37,361
Tonight, we're going to be gay.
Bullshit.
1233
01:15:37,521 --> 01:15:39,721
Carla's going to be here
with her boyfriend.
1234
01:15:39,881 --> 01:15:42,081
I'm not going to be anything
in front of them.
1235
01:15:42,241 --> 01:15:43,561
Need I remind you, Ralph,
1236
01:15:43,721 --> 01:15:47,601
that if Russell reports back
that we're not gay, we go to jail, pal.
1237
01:15:47,761 --> 01:15:50,401
Tax evasion, providing false information,
1238
01:15:50,561 --> 01:15:52,281
bad taste, God knows what.
1239
01:15:52,441 --> 01:15:57,281
Vince, this is the last time
I ever let you talk me into anything.
1240
01:15:58,281 --> 01:16:00,441
Mate, you were great today.
1241
01:16:00,601 --> 01:16:02,137
That's why I know
we can pull this off tonight.
1242
01:16:02,161 --> 01:16:04,681
Come on.
SINGER: ♪ I fare thee well
1243
01:16:04,841 --> 01:16:06,641
♪ I fare thee well
1244
01:16:06,801 --> 01:16:09,881
♪ I fare thee well
1245
01:16:10,041 --> 01:16:11,681
♪ I fare thee well
1246
01:16:11,841 --> 01:16:13,321
♪ I fare thee well
1247
01:16:13,481 --> 01:16:18,161
♪ I fare thee well. ♪
1248
01:16:20,681 --> 01:16:22,361
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you!
1249
01:16:30,201 --> 01:16:31,841
What would they be talking about?
1250
01:16:33,721 --> 01:16:37,081
He's probably telling them we're gay.
Shit.
1251
01:16:38,761 --> 01:16:41,881
Maybe the boys are telling him we're not.
Shit.
1252
01:16:42,041 --> 01:16:43,961
Do you expect
any more fires this summer?
1253
01:16:44,121 --> 01:16:46,161
Not two years in a row, no.
1254
01:16:47,201 --> 01:16:50,121
Ralph and Vince are in the fire brigade.
Really?
1255
01:16:51,121 --> 01:16:52,441
We've got to do something gay.
1256
01:16:52,601 --> 01:16:54,681
SINGER: OK, boys and girls.
1257
01:16:54,841 --> 01:16:57,481
Here's an oldie but a goodie!
1258
01:16:57,641 --> 01:17:00,561
(PLAYS JAUNTY MUSIC INTRO)
1259
01:17:01,801 --> 01:17:03,321
They're playing our song.
1260
01:17:04,681 --> 01:17:06,001
♪ When my baby... ♪
Dance.
1261
01:17:06,161 --> 01:17:07,881
You know, like at the club. Come on.
1262
01:17:08,041 --> 01:17:09,601
♪ I go to Rio... ♪
1263
01:17:09,761 --> 01:17:11,881
No bloody way.
♪ De Janeiro
1264
01:17:12,041 --> 01:17:14,041
♪ My, oh, me, oh
1265
01:17:14,201 --> 01:17:17,881
♪ I go wild and then
I have to do the samba
1266
01:17:18,041 --> 01:17:19,801
♪ And la bamba
1267
01:17:19,961 --> 01:17:23,801
♪ Now, I'm not the kind of person
with a passionate persuasion
1268
01:17:23,961 --> 01:17:25,601
♪ For dancin'
♪ Dancin'
1269
01:17:25,761 --> 01:17:27,761
♪ Or romancin'
♪ Romancin'
1270
01:17:27,921 --> 01:17:29,241
♪ But I give in to the rhythm
1271
01:17:29,401 --> 01:17:32,601
♪ And my feet follow
the beatin' of my heart... ♪
1272
01:17:32,761 --> 01:17:34,081
Same again. Same again.
1273
01:17:34,241 --> 01:17:35,561
♪ Whoa, oh
1274
01:17:35,721 --> 01:17:37,201
♪ When my baby
♪ When my baby
1275
01:17:37,361 --> 01:17:38,801
♪ When my baby smiles at me
1276
01:17:38,961 --> 01:17:42,641
♪ I go to Rio de Janeiro
1277
01:17:42,801 --> 01:17:44,801
♪ I'm a salsa fellow
♪ When my baby
1278
01:17:44,961 --> 01:17:46,601
♪ When my baby smiles at me
1279
01:17:46,761 --> 01:17:49,601
♪ The sun lightens up my life
1280
01:17:49,761 --> 01:17:52,801
♪ And I am free at last
1281
01:17:52,961 --> 01:17:55,441
♪ What a blast... ♪
1282
01:17:57,921 --> 01:17:59,721
Yee-hoo-hoo!
1283
01:18:01,041 --> 01:18:02,201
♪ Whoa, oh
1284
01:18:02,361 --> 01:18:04,081
♪ When my baby
♪ When my baby
1285
01:18:04,241 --> 01:18:09,281
♪ When my baby smiles at me
I feel like Tarzan of the jungle
1286
01:18:09,441 --> 01:18:11,441
♪ There on the hot sand
1287
01:18:11,601 --> 01:18:14,721
♪ And in a bungalow
while monkeys play above us
1288
01:18:14,881 --> 01:18:17,401
♪ We make love-ah
1289
01:18:17,561 --> 01:18:22,681
♪ Now, I'm not the type to let vibrations
trigger my imagination easily
1290
01:18:22,841 --> 01:18:25,321
♪ You know that's just not me
1291
01:18:25,481 --> 01:18:31,521
♪ I turn into a tiger every time
I get beside the one I love... ♪
1292
01:18:31,681 --> 01:18:34,361
Wow, your dad's a circus.
1293
01:18:34,521 --> 01:18:36,801
♪ Yee-ha!
1294
01:18:40,201 --> 01:18:41,761
♪ Ooh, whoo... ♪
1295
01:18:43,401 --> 01:18:44,881
Let's mince.
1296
01:18:46,881 --> 01:18:52,561
♪ Rio, Rio, Rio, Rio, Rio, hey! ♪
1297
01:18:52,721 --> 01:18:54,041
(SILENCE)
1298
01:18:54,201 --> 01:18:57,241
How about that, ladies and gentlemen?
1299
01:18:57,401 --> 01:19:00,481
Can they swing a shoe or what?
1300
01:19:09,441 --> 01:19:10,881
Carla!
1301
01:19:11,041 --> 01:19:14,241
(BAND RESUMES PLAYING)
1302
01:19:19,641 --> 01:19:21,201
(GRUNTS)
1303
01:19:21,361 --> 01:19:23,281
Tssss... Ah!
1304
01:19:24,721 --> 01:19:29,601
♪ Rye whisky, rye whisky,
rye whisky, I cry
1305
01:19:31,281 --> 01:19:33,401
♪ If I don't get rye whisky... ♪
1306
01:19:33,561 --> 01:19:35,281
So, Vince.
1307
01:19:35,441 --> 01:19:37,801
What the hell was that?
1308
01:19:37,961 --> 01:19:40,361
♪ Well, if whisky was a river... ♪
1309
01:19:40,521 --> 01:19:45,441
Well, uh, Eric and Ralph and I
1310
01:19:45,601 --> 01:19:49,361
thought it would be a good idea
if we did a dance routine.
1311
01:19:51,121 --> 01:19:54,761
♪ Rye whisky, rye whisky,
rye whisky, I cry... ♪
1312
01:19:54,921 --> 01:19:56,401
Why?
1313
01:19:57,641 --> 01:19:59,761
♪ If I don't get rye whisky, I surely... ♪
1314
01:19:59,921 --> 01:20:01,241
Entertainment?
1315
01:20:01,401 --> 01:20:03,641
Oh, there's Vonnie. I've...
1316
01:20:08,481 --> 01:20:09,961
Vincent.
Faith.
1317
01:20:11,161 --> 01:20:14,561
You know, Mr Hopwood,
with moves like those,
1318
01:20:14,721 --> 01:20:16,641
one could be forgiven for believing...
1319
01:20:18,401 --> 01:20:21,281
..that you and Mr Williams
really were gay.
1320
01:20:21,441 --> 01:20:23,121
(LAUGHS)
1321
01:20:23,281 --> 01:20:27,481
Vincent, I know everything.
1322
01:20:30,801 --> 01:20:32,841
RALPH: Carla. Carla!
1323
01:20:33,841 --> 01:20:35,161
Where are you off to, sweetheart?
1324
01:20:35,321 --> 01:20:37,001
Dad, what on earth is going on?
1325
01:20:37,161 --> 01:20:39,081
I come home,
you won't even let me in the house.
1326
01:20:39,241 --> 01:20:43,281
I go off around town and people are
saying that you and Vince are gay,
1327
01:20:43,441 --> 01:20:46,001
and then I go home
and the house is completely weird.
1328
01:20:46,161 --> 01:20:48,217
Then I come here, and you and Vince
are making fools of yourself,
1329
01:20:48,241 --> 01:20:49,881
and everybody's laughing at you.
1330
01:20:50,041 --> 01:20:51,881
Oh, God.
1331
01:20:52,041 --> 01:20:53,481
Where do I begin? Ah...
1332
01:20:53,641 --> 01:20:55,121
Are you gay?
1333
01:20:56,281 --> 01:20:58,121
Well, uh...
Dad, are you gay?
1334
01:20:58,281 --> 01:20:59,881
Shh!
1335
01:21:00,041 --> 01:21:01,721
Now is not a good time.
1336
01:21:03,121 --> 01:21:05,521
Carla.
Dad, I don't want this, you know.
1337
01:21:05,681 --> 01:21:08,377
You're my father, for God's sake.
I don't want people laughing at you.
1338
01:21:08,401 --> 01:21:11,041
Sweetie, it's fine.
You don't know what it's like.
1339
01:21:11,201 --> 01:21:12,521
Yes, I do.
1340
01:21:12,681 --> 01:21:14,337
Your friends making comments
behind your back.
1341
01:21:14,361 --> 01:21:16,521
And you don't know the crap
that gay people go through.
1342
01:21:16,561 --> 01:21:18,441
Carla, I do.
1343
01:21:20,681 --> 01:21:22,161
Look, sweetheart...
1344
01:21:23,481 --> 01:21:25,601
..I can't explain
what's happening here.
1345
01:21:25,761 --> 01:21:29,201
Not right now, anyway.
But I know what you're talking about.
1346
01:21:29,361 --> 01:21:33,321
I was... I was as guilty
of all that business as anybody.
1347
01:21:34,601 --> 01:21:37,481
And I know how we all feel
about people like that.
1348
01:21:40,961 --> 01:21:42,641
People like what?
1349
01:21:45,801 --> 01:21:47,281
Well...
1350
01:21:50,121 --> 01:21:52,401
Hello.
Hi.
1351
01:22:00,681 --> 01:22:02,361
Dad, I want you to meet Peta.
1352
01:22:03,921 --> 01:22:05,681
It's nice to meet you.
1353
01:22:06,761 --> 01:22:08,241
Yeah.
1354
01:22:12,641 --> 01:22:13,961
Ralph, we got to talk.
What?
1355
01:22:14,121 --> 01:22:15,241
Hi, Carla.
1356
01:22:15,401 --> 01:22:17,121
RALPH: Wait, I'll be back.
1357
01:22:17,281 --> 01:22:18,521
So where's the boyfriend?
1358
01:22:18,681 --> 01:22:21,441
This better be important.
Oh, it is. It's important.
1359
01:22:22,441 --> 01:22:23,761
Faith knows.
1360
01:22:23,921 --> 01:22:26,361
The whole bloody town knows.
No, no, no, she knows everything.
1361
01:22:26,401 --> 01:22:27,937
I don't know how she does,
but she does.
1362
01:22:27,961 --> 01:22:30,961
I've got to talk to Carla.
No, mate, we can get through this.
1363
01:22:31,121 --> 01:22:33,321
Vince... we're fucked.
1364
01:22:33,481 --> 01:22:36,361
Oh, look, I'll keep Faith
away from Russell.
1365
01:22:36,521 --> 01:22:38,561
You come up with an excuse
for the dancing.
1366
01:22:38,721 --> 01:22:40,801
The ball will be finished
and we're done.
1367
01:22:40,961 --> 01:22:43,121
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINES REV)
1368
01:22:51,481 --> 01:22:52,961
We're fucked.
1369
01:23:03,641 --> 01:23:08,121
Oh! Well, that's the tightest box
I've been jammed into for years.
1370
01:23:08,281 --> 01:23:11,561
Gentlemen, let's go find ourselves
some farm boys.
1371
01:23:11,721 --> 01:23:13,841
You two gorgeous men
couldn't tell me
1372
01:23:14,001 --> 01:23:16,761
where I could find
Ralph and Vince, could you?
1373
01:23:17,921 --> 01:23:19,481
MAN: I think they're in there.
1374
01:23:27,161 --> 01:23:29,161
(BAND FINISHES SONG)
1375
01:23:34,481 --> 01:23:35,961
Dad?
1376
01:23:43,921 --> 01:23:46,161
Just give me five minutes, OK?
1377
01:23:46,321 --> 01:23:47,841
Five minutes.
1378
01:24:14,321 --> 01:24:15,641
There's Vince!
1379
01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:17,841
(SINGSONG) Vincent, pretty little man.
1380
01:24:18,001 --> 01:24:19,761
(LAUGHS)
1381
01:24:19,921 --> 01:24:21,441
Look who's here.
1382
01:24:23,921 --> 01:24:25,481
RALPH: Excuse me.
1383
01:24:26,761 --> 01:24:28,241
Excuse me, everyone.
1384
01:24:29,641 --> 01:24:31,641
Can I have your attention for a minute?
1385
01:24:32,681 --> 01:24:34,201
Uh...
1386
01:24:35,281 --> 01:24:37,841
Now, I know some of you
are wondering what's going on.
1387
01:24:39,041 --> 01:24:41,881
And others have probably
made up their minds already.
1388
01:24:44,161 --> 01:24:45,721
But, for starters...
1389
01:24:47,321 --> 01:24:48,881
..I'd like you to welcome
1390
01:24:49,041 --> 01:24:51,081
some friends of Vince and mine
from Sydney.
1391
01:24:54,001 --> 01:24:55,641
(DEEPLY) G'day.
1392
01:24:55,801 --> 01:24:57,361
They're all wonderful people...
1393
01:24:58,601 --> 01:25:00,281
..who I know you're going to love
1394
01:25:00,441 --> 01:25:02,441
when you get to know 'em.
1395
01:25:03,961 --> 01:25:05,521
OK.
1396
01:25:08,561 --> 01:25:11,481
Now, I understand there's been
a bit of speculation around town
1397
01:25:11,641 --> 01:25:13,761
about Vince Hopgood and myself.
1398
01:25:16,201 --> 01:25:20,041
Well, it's nobody's business but ours,
what goes on between Vince and I.
1399
01:25:22,281 --> 01:25:24,081
We've been mates since we were kids.
1400
01:25:25,921 --> 01:25:28,481
Most of you have known us
all your lives.
1401
01:25:30,201 --> 01:25:35,321
Crikey, we've... we've lived and worked
amongst you for years.
1402
01:25:36,681 --> 01:25:39,081
That's what you should be
judging us by.
1403
01:25:40,721 --> 01:25:45,201
Not about what may or may not
happen between us in private.
1404
01:25:49,161 --> 01:25:53,521
Vince has been part
of every important event in my life.
1405
01:25:55,881 --> 01:25:57,601
He was my best man.
1406
01:25:58,721 --> 01:26:01,201
He was there
when my daughter was born...
1407
01:26:07,561 --> 01:26:09,041
..and...
1408
01:26:10,041 --> 01:26:12,601
..when my wife, Helen,
passed away.
1409
01:26:17,081 --> 01:26:19,441
He was a tower of strength to me.
1410
01:26:25,201 --> 01:26:27,521
See, it doesn't matter who you are.
1411
01:26:29,761 --> 01:26:32,161
If you have one real friend in this life...
1412
01:26:34,081 --> 01:26:37,081
..one person you can truly trust...
1413
01:26:39,641 --> 01:26:41,641
..then you're very lucky indeed.
1414
01:26:49,081 --> 01:26:52,921
Vince Hopgood has been
the best mate a man could have.
1415
01:26:57,161 --> 01:26:59,921
And, yes, for anyone out there
who's interested...
1416
01:27:01,241 --> 01:27:02,721
..I love him.
1417
01:27:03,961 --> 01:27:05,801
And I'm not ashamed to admit it.
1418
01:27:27,481 --> 01:27:29,401
Did you just grab my ass?
1419
01:27:30,401 --> 01:27:33,001
Yeah, well, I'm only human.
1420
01:27:39,601 --> 01:27:41,841
I never thought for one moment
they were gay.
1421
01:27:42,001 --> 01:27:43,961
Nah, not a chance.
1422
01:27:44,121 --> 01:27:46,281
Mateship's a wonderful thing.
1423
01:27:48,041 --> 01:27:53,361
Ladies and gentlemen, take
your partners for the ladies' choice.
1424
01:27:53,521 --> 01:27:56,241
♪ Do, doodle-do, doodle-do
Doodle-oodle-oodle
1425
01:27:56,401 --> 01:27:59,161
♪ Do, doodle-do, doodle-do
Doodle-oodle-oodle
1426
01:27:59,321 --> 01:28:02,561
♪ Do, doodle-do, doodle-do
Doodle-oodle-oodle-do
1427
01:28:02,721 --> 01:28:04,041
♪ Love that girl
1428
01:28:04,201 --> 01:28:06,241
♪ Oh, gee
1429
01:28:06,401 --> 01:28:08,921
♪ My, oh, gee
1430
01:28:09,081 --> 01:28:11,561
♪ Well, yeah, oh, gee
1431
01:28:11,721 --> 01:28:14,881
♪ Why I love that girl
♪ Love that girl... ♪
1432
01:28:15,041 --> 01:28:17,961
Father, could I have
the pleasure of this dance?
1433
01:28:19,041 --> 01:28:20,161
Ooh!
1434
01:28:20,321 --> 01:28:21,641
Just kidding.
1435
01:28:21,801 --> 01:28:23,641
(LAUGHS)
1436
01:28:23,801 --> 01:28:26,161
Ah! Ah-ha-ha.
1437
01:28:26,321 --> 01:28:30,001
♪ Oh, hold me, baby
Squeeze me
1438
01:28:30,161 --> 01:28:32,481
♪ Never let me go
1439
01:28:32,641 --> 01:28:34,681
♪ Oh, I'm not taking chances... ♪
1440
01:28:34,841 --> 01:28:36,841
I don't know what's going on
with you and Vince...
1441
01:28:38,041 --> 01:28:39,561
..Dad, but you're amazing.
1442
01:28:39,721 --> 01:28:42,641
♪ Yes, I love her
1443
01:28:42,801 --> 01:28:45,561
♪ Yeah, I need her
1444
01:28:45,721 --> 01:28:47,041
♪ Why I love that girl... ♪
1445
01:28:47,201 --> 01:28:48,961
I love you, sweetheart.
1446
01:28:49,121 --> 01:28:50,601
I love you, Dad.
1447
01:28:55,161 --> 01:28:56,001
Oh.
1448
01:28:56,161 --> 01:28:58,241
Do you mind if I dance with this girl?
1449
01:28:59,241 --> 01:29:00,841
Be my guest.
1450
01:29:01,881 --> 01:29:03,441
But save a dance for me.
1451
01:29:05,281 --> 01:29:06,761
Both of you.
1452
01:29:11,601 --> 01:29:13,441
So where's the boyfriend?
1453
01:29:14,441 --> 01:29:15,761
Mm-hm.
1454
01:29:15,921 --> 01:29:17,401
♪ Never let me go
1455
01:29:17,561 --> 01:29:20,681
♪ Yeah, I'm not taking chances
because I love her... ♪
1456
01:29:20,841 --> 01:29:22,161
Ah.
1457
01:29:22,321 --> 01:29:23,761
Mmm.
1458
01:29:23,921 --> 01:29:27,521
♪ Gee
My, oh, gee
1459
01:29:27,681 --> 01:29:29,001
♪ Well, oh-oh, gee... ♪
1460
01:29:29,161 --> 01:29:30,241
Oh.
1461
01:29:30,401 --> 01:29:32,081
Ah! Ha ha!
1462
01:29:32,241 --> 01:29:33,721
Gentlemen.
1463
01:29:34,721 --> 01:29:36,961
Oh, Russell.
Russell.
1464
01:29:38,561 --> 01:29:41,361
Now, I'm going to be
brutally honest with you guys.
1465
01:29:41,521 --> 01:29:45,161
After our meeting today,
I have to say I was convinced
1466
01:29:45,321 --> 01:29:49,001
that you two were nothing more
than a pair of criminal jokers.
1467
01:29:50,281 --> 01:29:51,601
Really?
1468
01:29:51,761 --> 01:29:54,441
Who deserve the full weight
of the law thrown at them.
1469
01:29:54,601 --> 01:29:56,921
But tonight I witnessed
something quite special,
1470
01:29:57,081 --> 01:29:59,521
what appeared to be
an honesty and a tolerance
1471
01:29:59,681 --> 01:30:03,441
that, sadly,
is very rarely displayed these days.
1472
01:30:03,601 --> 01:30:06,361
And then Faith came
and talked with me.
1473
01:30:06,521 --> 01:30:10,561
And, well, after what she said...
1474
01:30:12,201 --> 01:30:15,161
..I don't believe I'm likely
to encounter a tighter bond
1475
01:30:15,321 --> 01:30:18,481
or a stronger love between two men
for many a day to come.
1476
01:30:18,641 --> 01:30:22,801
So, listen,
just stop the silly charades, eh?
1477
01:30:22,961 --> 01:30:24,521
Care for each other.
1478
01:30:24,681 --> 01:30:27,001
If more people in the world did that,
1479
01:30:27,161 --> 01:30:29,681
well, the world would be
a far sweeter place, don't you think?
1480
01:30:32,641 --> 01:30:33,961
Thank you, Russell.
1481
01:30:34,121 --> 01:30:36,921
And Mr Hopwood,
1482
01:30:37,081 --> 01:30:39,721
in future, get yourself
a bloody good accountant.
1483
01:30:41,801 --> 01:30:44,281
And good luck to the both of youse.
1484
01:30:44,441 --> 01:30:46,241
Thanks, mate.
1485
01:30:54,081 --> 01:30:56,561
Hello, boys.
Having a fun evening?
1486
01:30:57,721 --> 01:30:59,041
VINCE: Faith?
1487
01:30:59,201 --> 01:31:00,801
Why?
1488
01:31:00,961 --> 01:31:02,721
Well...
1489
01:31:02,881 --> 01:31:05,041
..no-one likes the tax department.
1490
01:31:08,481 --> 01:31:09,841
Oh!
1491
01:31:10,001 --> 01:31:12,761
Mr Williams, one thing.
1492
01:31:12,921 --> 01:31:16,001
My car needs a couple of things
doing to it.
1493
01:31:16,161 --> 01:31:17,961
Would that be possible?
1494
01:31:18,121 --> 01:31:19,641
Oh, of course, Faith.
1495
01:31:19,801 --> 01:31:21,121
Just drop it in.
1496
01:31:21,281 --> 01:31:22,881
Be my pleasure.
1497
01:31:24,561 --> 01:31:26,001
And Mr Hopgood,
1498
01:31:26,161 --> 01:31:30,161
I've heard a whisper
that some of the city cinemas
1499
01:31:30,321 --> 01:31:33,401
have got a thing called a gold pass.
1500
01:31:33,561 --> 01:31:36,241
Do you have those sort of things?
1501
01:31:36,401 --> 01:31:37,721
I'll make you one, Faith.
1502
01:31:37,881 --> 01:31:41,281
Oh, Mr Hopgood, you spoil me.
1503
01:31:44,081 --> 01:31:46,601
She is a piece of work.
1504
01:31:46,761 --> 01:31:49,161
Women, mate,
they're a different breed of cattle.
1505
01:31:49,321 --> 01:31:51,681
In a totally different paddock.
1506
01:31:51,841 --> 01:31:55,161
Yeah, well, we got through this,
we'll get through that.
1507
01:31:55,321 --> 01:31:57,241
♪ Never let me go... ♪
1508
01:31:57,401 --> 01:31:58,881
Fabulous!
1509
01:31:59,041 --> 01:32:01,721
♪ And I'm not taking chances
because I love her
1510
01:32:01,881 --> 01:32:03,361
♪ I love her so... ♪
Hey, Ralph.
1511
01:32:04,361 --> 01:32:06,921
Half the people in town
still think I'm gay, right?
1512
01:32:08,321 --> 01:32:11,841
What do you reckon?
Vinnie's Massage Parlour.
1513
01:32:12,001 --> 01:32:14,361
Strictly for women only.
1514
01:32:15,761 --> 01:32:17,561
Eric will be furious.
1515
01:32:18,961 --> 01:32:20,721
Hey, Vince.
Yeah?
1516
01:32:20,881 --> 01:32:23,321
You know, you do have a nice ass.
1517
01:32:24,321 --> 01:32:25,801
What, this old thing?
1518
01:32:27,041 --> 01:32:29,201
♪ Why... ♪
1519
01:32:29,361 --> 01:32:33,841
(LAUGHS)
♪ I love that girl
1520
01:32:36,041 --> 01:32:37,961
♪ Love that girl. ♪
1521
01:32:41,961 --> 01:32:44,961
(GROOVY SAMBA MUSIC)
106425
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.