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1
00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:04,538
Oh, honey, I can't
do any more tonight.
2
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:07,075
Let's just leave the mess
and get some sleep, huh?
3
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,976
Wait a minute,
we bought ten presents.
4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,878
HAL:
Yeah?
5
00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,413
Why are there
11 packages?
6
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,717
Oh, my God.
7
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,759
Oh... we would have
figured it out
8
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,528
before we mailed it, right?
9
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:30,831
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
10
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:34,768
♪ Yes, no, maybe
11
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,937
♪ I don't know
12
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:40,174
♪ Can you repeat the question?
13
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,343
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
14
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,878
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
15
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,247
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,350
♪ And you're not so big
17
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,885
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
18
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:53,887
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
19
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:55,756
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
20
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:59,227
♪ And you're not so big
21
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:02,796
♪ Life is unfair.
22
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,873
Don't move.
23
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,608
Ow! Did you get it?
24
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:17,445
Get what?
25
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,948
It's three weeks till Christmas,
26
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,883
and Reese is holding off
hitting Dewey
27
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,385
till after the holidays.
28
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,119
HAL:
Well,
29
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,554
guess what?
30
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,157
I got two weeks forced vacation
without pay.
31
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,591
What?!
Thanks to the company's trouble
32
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,992
with the government,
they sent everybody home
33
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,327
till the new year.
34
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:35,263
We think it's just
so the board members
35
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,897
can shred documents in peace.
36
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,634
Two weeks without pay?
At Christmas?!
37
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,403
That means no presents.
38
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,272
December 2.
39
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:47,841
Refused to eat
booger sandwich.
40
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,143
I know this is coming
at a bad time,
41
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,578
but I think
I have a plan
42
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,581
that'll make us enough money
to get through this.
43
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,316
I'm going to sell
Christmas trees.
44
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,584
What?
In college,
45
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,319
I sold Christmas trees
every December
46
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,520
with my roommate Victor.
47
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,855
I thought he sold
illegal cable boxes.
48
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,192
To pay for the Christmas trees.
49
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,959
We made a killing.
50
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,262
Look, I've already talked
to a supplier.
51
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,299
We have enough to buy 130
trees at 15 bucks apiece.
52
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,666
Oh, and Ed from the office
53
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,102
is letting me use
his vacant lot for free.
54
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,304
Really?
55
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,138
If we sell them
at six bucks a foot--
56
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,808
that's an average
of $45 a tree-- Lois,
57
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,211
we can net over $2,600.
58
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,678
Well, if you think it'll work.
59
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:26,614
Hey, Reese and I have
some money saved up.
60
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,649
If we go in on this,
we can get 200 trees.
61
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,184
We'd make $4,000.
62
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,886
You'd put your own money in?
63
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,388
Sure. I was going
to invest mine
64
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:36,890
with this Nigerian General
who's been sending me e-mails,
65
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,792
but, hey, this is family.
66
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:39,693
Really?
67
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:41,061
You boys would actually
68
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,197
go into business
with your old man?
69
00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:48,736
I never dreamed anything
like this would be possible.
70
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,137
Dad...
When I was a kid,
71
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,573
I begged my dad to go
into business with me
72
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:56,644
a bunch of times, but he
never answered the intercom.
73
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,978
And now you boys
74
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,880
want to go into business
with me.
75
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:06,153
: It'll be like
a Korean grocery store!
76
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,522
:
You know, Dewey,
77
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:11,058
you've got $20 in
your piggy bank.
78
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,160
I think they've
got it covered, Mom.
79
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,196
All right. I'm in.
80
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:25,673
It's gonna be weird not being
with our families on Christmas.
81
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,174
I know. It feels...
82
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,342
great!
83
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:30,244
It's like all
the ugliness and turmoil
84
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,413
you always associate
with Christmas is gone.
85
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:35,048
My family!
They are finally here!
86
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,184
All the way
from Stuttgart!
87
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,186
"Don't pack
your heavy clothes.
88
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,054
It's not cold in the desert."
89
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:42,856
I'm freezing off my ass!
90
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,091
WOMAN:
Stop whining! I already
91
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:45,893
have two children;
I don't need a third!
92
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,194
Oh, come on,
you two.
93
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,863
You're here now.
Just enjoy.
94
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,198
Oh, I forgot.
95
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,368
Everything has to be
perfect with Gretchen.
96
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:55,436
OTTO:
Don't you raise
97
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,037
your voice to Gretchen.
98
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,072
Anyone who is
not an alcoholic,
99
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,642
you accuse of being
a perfectionist.
100
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,423
Hal and Sons.
101
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,958
That means you,
too, Jamie.
102
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:24,298
I know it's just
a crappy wooden sign, but...
103
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:27,601
boys, I want you to
know that this is
104
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,102
the greatest
day of my life.
105
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:30,804
I'm so happy
106
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,140
and proud of each
and every one of you,
107
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:37,578
and I just want to make sure
that you don't screw this up.
108
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,079
We will have
109
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,483
so many precious memories
together,
110
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,652
as long as you
don't give in
111
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:49,289
to your worst instincts and
do something really stupid.
112
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,491
I just love you
113
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:51,525
so much,
114
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:55,295
and I want to keep loving you.
115
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,331
Dad, stop worrying.
We can do this.
116
00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:59,467
With what we spent
on trees and truck rental,
117
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,435
we'll be in profit
once we sell tree 67.
118
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:04,004
Then let's just sell
that tree first.
119
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,639
What are those tools for?
120
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:06,607
Let me show you.
121
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,175
These are for setting up
the trees.
122
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,710
First you use
123
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,480
the radial saw to cut an inch
off the bottom of the trunk.
124
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,483
Then you use this
nail gun to stick
125
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,385
the tree stand...
126
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,354
Again, I am so proud of you boys
127
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:23,323
and I don't want
to lose this feeling.
128
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,795
I don't know why you
won't let me help you
129
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:28,829
with that, Lois.
130
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,731
Craig, please,
I really don't want you to.
131
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:31,465
Why not?
132
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:32,733
Because every time
133
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:35,168
you come in contact
with me and my family,
134
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,670
something horrible
happens to you.
135
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:38,406
I can't deal with
the guilt anymore.
136
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,073
I don't know what
you're talking about.
137
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,743
Come on, if it weren't for us,
you'd still have all your teeth;
138
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,478
you wouldn't flinch
every time you saw
139
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:45,746
a ceiling fan;
your car, it never
140
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,247
would have been
filled with bees.
141
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,382
Coincidences.
142
00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,583
Craig, you broke your foot
143
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,184
looking up a phone number
for me.
144
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:54,087
Please, Lois, it's Christmas.
145
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,025
Here.
146
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:01,094
Maybe you can fluff up
the cotton on Santa's beard.
147
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,230
Thank you.
148
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,098
Ow! Oh!
149
00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:13,340
Well, I wish I could say
I was surprised.
150
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,342
Okay.
You're all set.
151
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,244
Mister, is this tree dead?
152
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,712
Well, of course not.
153
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,681
We made sure we cut
a fresh wound in the bottom
154
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,083
of your tree
so it could suck up water.
155
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,252
That way, your tree
is suspended in a netherworld
156
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,788
between life and death,
157
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,357
just waiting for you
to open your presents.
158
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,862
How many trees
have we sold?
159
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:35,929
Fifteen.
Fifteen?
160
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,231
We're not anywhere
close to tree 67.
161
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,633
I don't get it.
162
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:40,734
We're in a good location.
163
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,202
We've got great
looking trees.
164
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,370
Excuse me.
Hmm?
165
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,438
How much are your trees?
166
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,873
Six dollars a foot.
167
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:46,940
Ah.
What?
168
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,876
Well, St. Mark's Church
around the corner
169
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,078
marked their trees down
to five dollars a foot,
170
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:54,648
but they've got such long lines,
I thought I'd try you guys.
171
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,652
You believe that church
trying to undersell us?
172
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,988
You don't see us offering
Mass at half price.
173
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,890
Why don't we lower the price
on our trees?
174
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,058
Like, down to, I don't know,
$4.50 a foot?
175
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,994
Then we average $31 a tree,
176
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,929
and we still net... $3,457.
177
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:12,966
We'll be profitable by--
hang on-- tree 91.
178
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,735
Tree 91?
179
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,769
Tree 91.
180
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,506
Sir! Sir!
181
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:25,579
Right this way.
182
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,781
We've got a really nice...
183
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,086
It's customary
to tie the tree to the roof.
184
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,956
It's customary to tip the guy
who tied it.
185
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,425
All right!
186
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,461
That was tree 79!
187
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,830
We're very close!
188
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,131
Boys,
189
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,199
I love all of you.
190
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,467
But this kid...
191
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,271
It's just a tiny bite, right?
192
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,439
He's going to be okay?
193
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,774
Oh, absolutely.
194
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,609
Of course, he'll have
to get rabies shots.
Shots?
195
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,444
Five injections,
right in the belly.
196
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,379
I had to get them
when I was bitten
197
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:01,114
by a skunk a
few years ago.
198
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,684
When they shoved that first
four-inch needle
199
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:07,454
into my stomach, I felt
like I'd been shot in the gut.
200
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,789
By the time
they pulled
201
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,024
the last needle out,
I was on the floor,
202
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:15,128
clutching a chair leg
and crying like a baby.
203
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,396
Navy Seals
204
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:19,466
trained me to deal
with pain, but...
205
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,002
nothing like that.
206
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,238
Well, you can always try
to catch the squirrel
207
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:26,574
and bring it
to Animal Control.
208
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,475
If they can confirm
it doesn't have rabies,
209
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,643
you could avoid the shots.
210
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:32,011
No, I'll have
to take the shots.
211
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:33,981
Otherwise Lois can't prove
her point.
212
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,649
Craig, listen to me.
213
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,684
I am making
you this vow:
214
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,653
I am going to find
that squirrel
215
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,488
and take it
to Animal Control
216
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,756
and prove it doesn't
have rabies,
217
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:44,491
so you do not have
to get those shots.
218
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,394
You are not going to suffer
ever again for having known me.
219
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,662
Understand?
220
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:49,930
You're on my foot.
221
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,232
Oh. Sorry.
222
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,172
They're still at it?
223
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,540
Yeah. It's fascinating.
224
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:03,043
I've had the same argument
a million times with my mom.
225
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,746
Right now she's gonna say,
"Don't take that tone with me,"
226
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:07,615
and then he's gonna
start screaming.
227
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,056
Now the father figure
tries to make peace.
228
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,129
And he gets his head
chopped off.
229
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,232
FRANCIS:
Oh, this is a good one.
230
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:29,102
Jumping into someone else's
argument to settle an old score.
231
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,578
They're like a primitive
version of my family.
232
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,413
Take one step to your left.
233
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,249
Why?
234
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,554
Spooky.
235
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,758
Okay, you're getting
seven dollars change, right?
236
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:54,227
One and two and five.
237
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:57,064
I hide the big bills where
no one's gonna go after them.
238
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,799
I'll help you with that.
239
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,001
Okay, that is, uh,
tree 89!
240
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,436
Boys, we are so close,
I can taste it!
241
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:08,175
You the guys trying to muscle in
on the blessed church?
242
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,476
I'm sorry, what'd you say?
243
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,144
We're from St. Mark's
around the corner.
244
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,580
You're underselling us,
and we don't like it.
245
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,148
So it's going to stop.
246
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,850
We want you to close down
247
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,687
your lot and leave. Now.
248
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,089
During this holy season,
it's best to give
249
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,591
our Heavenly Savior
what he wants.
250
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,493
It might interest you
to know that you're dealing
251
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:27,795
with a bunch
of godless heathens.
252
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,763
Take your ghost stories
somewhere else.
253
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:32,599
We'll give you 20 minutes
to clear out,
254
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,969
then we take matters
into our own hands.
255
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,708
What's that
supposed to mean?
256
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,142
Don't worry about it, Dad.
257
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,778
They're priests.
What are they gonna do?
258
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:47,380
Just get in the car
and lock the doors!
259
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:48,615
Spare change,
mister?
260
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,251
Hey, mister!
Come on!
261
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,655
Does this look
infected to you?
262
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:57,891
Excuse me,
this is my tree.
263
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:01,194
I already marked it,
if you know what I mean.
264
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,662
Wha...! Wait, no!
265
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,631
What the hell
do you think you're doing?
266
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,633
Father McKlusky
sends his regards.
267
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:07,667
What are you talking about?
268
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,302
He dropped by the soup kitchen
269
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,272
and he suggested we come down
here and share the magic.
270
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,307
Cute kid.
271
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,677
You want some homemade candy?
272
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,112
MALCOLM:
Dad, everyone's leaving!
273
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,314
Look... whatever St. Mark's
274
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,716
is giving you, we'll double it!
275
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,485
You can double
eternal salvation?
276
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,487
Yes, I can.
277
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,556
You're funny.
278
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,927
So, you sell
Christmas trees?
279
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:37,197
I used to sell
Christmas trees.
280
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,438
Any luck?
281
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:46,774
What do you think?
282
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,275
No one's gonna let us
set up our trees.
283
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,609
Unbelievable.
284
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,611
You'd think a cemetery
would be up for anything
285
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,013
that would lighten the mood.
286
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,748
Hey, why don't we just
drive around
287
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,716
and sell the trees out
of the back of the truck?
288
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,351
Of course, we have to factor in
the price of gas.
289
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,888
Let's see, six miles a gallon,
with gas selling at two...
290
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,756
Malcolm, why don't you give
the genius thing
291
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,557
a rest for a while?
292
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,526
We were so close.
293
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,195
89 trees.
294
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,198
Just two trees away
from being profitable.
295
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,969
Story of my life.
296
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:19,973
No matter what I do,
no matter how hard I try,
297
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:23,811
I'm always two trees away.
298
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,612
We should just sell them
out of our yard.
299
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,047
Reese, this is
a serious problem.
300
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,216
Would you please just...?
301
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,951
Oh, my God.
302
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,120
That wasn't stupid.
303
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:35,622
Reese, your love
for your father
304
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,724
has focused your mind
like a laser!
305
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,127
Give him the hat.
306
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,563
People, there is a squirrel
307
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,165
somewhere in
the store.
308
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,235
He's very agile, elusive,
and possibly rabid,
309
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,569
but we will catch him.
310
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:50,904
We have to.
311
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,639
I've got a bad feeling
about this, Lois.
312
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,809
It's been too quiet
for too long.
313
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,744
He's planning something.
314
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,080
Yes, well, I brought in
reinforcements, Ethan.
315
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,448
Thanks for
helping, guys.
316
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,350
No problem.
317
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:04,484
Our last job finished early,
318
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,953
so we had some time
on our hands.
319
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:09,189
All right then.
Let's do this thing!
320
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:13,526
♪
321
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,791
You people are so great!
322
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:48,528
I'm sorry I ate
all your lunches in the fridge!
323
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:59,072
You're out there.
324
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,241
I know you're out there.
325
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:21,895
Aisle 12!
He's heading for the register!
326
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,501
Don't let it get away!
327
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:29,869
He's over there!
328
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:32,339
Wait, he's headed for
the front door!
329
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,841
Watch out, he's got murder
in his eyes!
330
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,210
:
And a cute, fluffy tail.
331
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,486
Checkmate, chipmunk.
332
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,458
And three makes ten.
333
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:52,425
Feliz Navidad.
334
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,529
So, at $3.50 a foot,
the profit tree is...
335
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,632
112.
112 is
the profit tree.
336
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:00,700
Say it with me, boys.
337
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,803
"112 is the profit tree."
338
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,272
Hal?
339
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,940
Oh, hey, Phil.
Merry Christmas.
340
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,208
What the hell are
you doing here?
341
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,709
You don't have a
permit to do this.
342
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,611
Get these trees
off your yard.
343
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,314
Phil, please. I...
344
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,783
Look, I know this
seems a little unusual,
345
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,986
but I'm in kind of a jam.
346
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:22,255
I was laid off,
and I'm out of money.
347
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:25,258
Come on, it's Christmas.
348
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,159
I don't care.
349
00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:28,295
I hate you,
and I always have.
350
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,563
Phil, why don't you
take a tree?
351
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,664
On the house.
352
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,633
Here.
353
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,268
You're giving me this?
354
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:36,503
I'll even flock it
if you want.
355
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,605
No, no. That's okay.
356
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:41,741
So, we have
an understanding here?
357
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,411
Yeah. We have
an understanding.
358
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,279
You're gonna have to get
these trees out of here.
359
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,748
We received a complaint,
and you don't have a permit.
360
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,417
And he has too many
garbage cans.
361
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,485
That's a fineable offense,
isn't it?
362
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,988
He can't complain.
I bribed him with a tree!
363
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,423
Sir, you can't have
a business
364
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,491
in your front yard
without a permit.
365
00:15:58,525 --> 00:15:59,592
Officer, we've sunk
366
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,994
all our money into this.
367
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,096
We've just got to sell
one more tree to break even.
368
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:06,099
That's all I'm asking.
One tree.
369
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,301
Just let me sell one tree.
370
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,503
Have you got a tree?
371
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,205
Coming through.
372
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,941
You.
373
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,276
I was never at
that dog show!
374
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,877
And where would
a high school kid
375
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:18,945
get a spear gun, anyway?
376
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,480
This is your son?
Uh...
377
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,449
Well, it depends on
what you mean by "son."
378
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,783
You got half an hour
379
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,886
to get every single one of these
trees out of your yard.
380
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,155
But we lost our truck!
381
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,122
We don't have any place
to take them.
382
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,457
That's not my problem.
383
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,624
You get them out,
384
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,594
or you'll be spending Christmas
in a jail cell.
385
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,333
I can't take this.
386
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,469
The yelling,
the screaming...
387
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,505
It's making me feel so...
homesick.
388
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,140
Me, too.
389
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,811
My mom used to grab
my dad's throat like that.
390
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,314
I disown
all of you!
391
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,648
All of you!
392
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:59,352
I never thought I would
feel ashamed of being German.
393
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:04,991
Huh. See? Huh?
394
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,492
They're all gone.
395
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,060
Are you happy now?
396
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:09,362
Just remember,
397
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,531
I'll be patrolling
this block every 15 minutes.
398
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,101
Merry Christmas.
399
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,537
Merry Christmas.
400
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,525
I want you to buy me out.
401
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:42,061
No, Dewey, this is just
a temporary setback.
402
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,697
If you believe that,
then buy me out.
403
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,032
It's over, Dad.
404
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,033
Over?
405
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,535
We're only one tree away!
406
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,370
Dad, we can't get
the truck back.
407
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,871
We can't use
the front lawn.
408
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,640
The cops are
watching us.
409
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,208
Face it, we've lost.
410
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:58,611
So you're just going to let
a little reality
411
00:17:58,645 --> 00:17:59,946
stop you, is that it?
412
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:01,881
Boys, let me tell you something.
413
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:05,418
The only way I've managed
to get through my crappy life
414
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:10,323
with any shred of self-worth
is by living in denial.
415
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,825
If I was going to let myself
get beaten by failure,
416
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,561
I would've quit
after one kid.
417
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:18,097
You just got to keep
holding out for a miracle.
418
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,066
And if a miracle isn't
going to come at Christmas,
419
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,668
then when is it
going to come?!
420
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,405
See?! There it is!
421
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,575
Our Christmas miracle!
I knew it!
422
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,247
Hi.
423
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,849
My kid found this cat.
Is it yours?
424
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,352
No. Would you like to buy a
Christmas tree for ten dollars?
425
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:40,753
No, we already have a tree.
426
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,489
You got to help me out.
427
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:45,158
I just yanked my boys back
from the brink of despair
428
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,427
and convinced them that life
was worth living.
429
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,429
If you walk away without
handing me ten dollars,
430
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,498
then their futures
aren't worth a damn.
431
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,166
Now, I desperately need
to teach them
432
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,868
the value of perseverance,
and you can help me.
433
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,003
I don't think...
434
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,538
I'll lick your shoes.
435
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,341
Have you ever actually seen
someone do that? I haven't.
436
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,643
That's got to be worth
ten dollars. I'll even...
437
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,878
Here, take the money.
438
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,282
Take it as far
as the sidewalk.
439
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,184
: Pleasure doing
business with you, sir.
440
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,686
See what happens when
you believe, boys?
441
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,488
We are profitable!
442
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,461
I'm just going to stop
and get Dewey's hamster cage.
443
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,363
That squirrel is chewing
through the box.
444
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,898
Do they really have to kill him
to find out if he has rabies?
445
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,166
Do you want the shots?
446
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,203
Wait for me in heaven.
447
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,907
Oh, my God!
448
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,809
HAL:
Honey, is that you?
449
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,878
What is going on here?
450
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:41,314
Good news. We did it!
451
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,815
We made a profit.
452
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,384
Really? How much?
453
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,018
Numbers aren't important.
454
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,754
A profit is a profit.
455
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,922
Hey, look, a squirrel.
456
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,391
LOIS:
What?
457
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,262
There he goes!
458
00:19:56,596 --> 00:20:00,032
Squirrel. Gone.
459
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,870
Craig, we will catch him.
460
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,272
All right, here's the deal.
461
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,206
This time, it's ten bucks each
462
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,342
and one item from
the medicine cabinet.
463
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,010
It's gonna be tricky, fellas.
464
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,813
We're on his turf now.
465
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,520
Thanks for spending Christmas
with my relatives.
466
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,355
And next year
we'll do my family.
467
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:23,856
Marriage is all about
compromise.
468
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,092
PIAMA'S MOM: You think
this house is a pigsty?
469
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:28,060
There, now it's a pigsty!
470
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,429
PIAMA'S DAD:
Oh, you're real brave
471
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,963
when I don't have
my leg strapped on!
472
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,199
They're having all the fun.
We should get in there.
473
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,701
Let's do it.
474
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,203
You know, I feel bad
for Gretchen and Otto.
475
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,138
I hope I didn't
make things worse.
476
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,308
Thank you
for taking us in.
477
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:44,677
It is nice being with a family
that gets along.
478
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,246
Boy, you guys
really gone out
479
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,481
for this Christmas.
480
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,783
It's even Christmas
in the bathroom!
481
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:55,154
As Christmases go,
this one was pretty good--
482
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:57,223
nothing on fire,
no arrests,
483
00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,293
and, hell,
we even made a profit.
34029
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