Original subtitles

There's a battle on the boards with both teams really digging for the puck.

Now it squirts loose, and the Ice Wolves have it.

And here they come!

What a hit!

Come on, boys, use the body!

-Take him wide, take him wide! -Rapton's flying up the ice.

Take him to the outside! Here we go.

He shoots! Nice save by Drah.

What a hit!

What action, eh, Hank?

-The Ice Wolves are just getting hammered. -Oh, no.

Tooth, Tooth, Tooth!

-There's a familiar chant, Jim. -Thompson.

And the coach is calling for the big defenseman, Derek Thompson.

And here comes the Tooth Fairy.

Find a dark jersey and hit it!

Tooth, Tooth, Tooth!

That is an incisor!

I got the tooth. I got the tooth, baby! Yeah!

And the Tooth Fairy, Derek Thompson, has struck again.

You can't handle the tooth. And that's the tooth...

...the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.

I pledge allegiance to the tooth.

Open the door for the Tooth Fairy.

Penalty on number 14, Derek Thompson.

-Five-minute major for boarding. -Yeah!

Who's the Tooth Fairy? Am I the Tooth...? I'm the Tooth Fairy!

Stop it. Stop it.

Yeah, no, I'm not scared, you know. I play hockey.

We'll go out, have a good time, see what we make of it.

-What's going on out here? -Come here.

I want you to meet the future of our franchise.

-New kid. -Yeah.

He's not gonna be here long till he gets snapped up by the Kings.

But listen, while he is here, your job on the ice is to take care of him.

-Okay. All right. -Nothing else matters, right?

-Mick? -Yeah.

Derek, Mick Donnelly, our first-line center. Mick, Derek. He's your bodyguard.

-What's up? -Welcome to pro hockey.

Yeah, is there an old-timers' game today?

I didn't realize you were even still playing, man. I used to be a big fan.

All right. See you later, man.

So I guess that's my bodyguard.

-Crazy. -He's a big one.

Yeah, he's a big guy.

-Hello, Mr. Thompson! -Mr. Thompson.

Tooth Fairy!

Can I have your autograph?

Yeah, sure. Absolutely. What's your name, buddy?

Gabe. I'm the third-leading scorer in my hockey league.

Our team won the Mighty Mite's Championship.

Wow, that's fantastic. Good for you, Gabe.

One day, I'm gonna play hockey in the big leagues just like you used to.

-You work pretty hard at hockey, do you? -I play almost every day.

And I drive him almost every day.

-How old are you? -I'm 8.

You're 8. You're 8. Okay, well, here's the deal, Gabe.

You're 8 and you're the third-leading scorer in your league behind two other 8-year-olds.

Well, one's 9.

Okay. Well, see, Gabe, somewhere in this country, there's a 7-year-old...

...playing against 12-year-olds, and he's outscoring them.

He's killing them, making them wanna get run over by a Zamboni and die.

There are a bunch like that kid in every rink. When the time's right...

...those kids will battle it out and only a handful of them will get signed.

Now let's say you do make the NHL.

You won't...

...but let's say you do. You hit the show right out of college.

The show hits you right back. Before you say "slap shot"...

...you're down to the minors with a blown-out shoulder and nowhere to go.

Listen, lower your expectations.

That's how you're gonna be happy.

There you go, Gabe.

I want to suck your blood.

What? What are you looking at?

And laughing at? Why aren't you afraid?

-Because those are french fries. -No.

I can't eat french fries.

French fries are fatal to vampires.

-Hey, I have an idea. -Can't talk. Still dead.

-Mommy, my tooth came out. -Hey. Yay!

Oh, congrats.

-The tooth fairy's gonna visit me tonight. -You bet. Let's see.

You are such a big girl.

Hey, hey, hey, I'm the Tooth Fairy.

I thought you said you were a vampire.

You got some inconsistent mythology.

I have a lot of homework. Can I be excused?

Yeah.

Mommy, it's time for you to go now so Derek can start babysitting.

Not just yet. Wanna go put your jammies on?

I wonder if it would help if Randy and you had some one-on-one time.

Sure, I could do that. So long as I don't have to be alone with him.

Well, Rene's here. Oh, a little ketchup.

-Oh, tooth fairy. -You know what? I got it.

Look, I put on my pajamas.

Dracula's back from the dead.

And your french fries are not powerful enough.

-What do you guys think of Donnelly? -Man, that kid is fast.

-You mean the next Gretzky. -I love him already, like a long-lost brother.

-Can we just play? -It's to you.

-I'm a little short. -He's a little short.

But this autograph that says "The Tooth Fairy"...

...is worth 10 bucks on eBay. Ten of these is 100 bucks, so I'm in.

-No, you gotta pay. -It's not a socialist game, Castro.

Hey, it's me. I'm good for it.

I'll be right back.

-He took his cards. -Is this guy serious?

-Just fold so we can play. -Who takes the cards?

Don't the kids have, like, a piggy bank or something?

-I'm home! -Hello, gorgeous.

-Hey. -Hi, guys.

-Hey, Vinnie's? Some brews? -Let's do it, boys. Come on.

All we have is juice box here.

Know what, I'm a little tired. I'm gonna hang out, but I'll walk you guys out.

Mommy! Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

-What happened, honey? -My tooth is gone.

Well, that's because the tooth fairy took it.

But there's no money. I looked.

Let's look together. I'm sure it's here somewhere.

-The vampire has returned. -Not a vampire moment.

-It's not anywhere. -Well...

I bet they took it to weigh it...

...on the toothometer to see what it's worth...

...before they bring the money. Right?

Sure. That's how the whole tooth thing works.

No. That's not how it works.

You put the tooth under your pillow, the tooth fairy flies into your room...

...when you're sleeping, takes the tooth...

...and leaves a dollar. Where is it?

Okay. You tell me when to stop when the tooth fairy has been here.

-Because I have 5, 10. I even got a 20. -Derek.

Stop.

Okay, Tess, you're a big girl now.

You're 6. Let's get this out of the way.

There's no such thing as a too...

-Here it is. -How did it get down there?

Oh, you must have rolled over in your sleep and it fell on the floor.

I forgot. People forget.

So your big idea to handle it was to tell Tess there is no tooth fairy?

Come on. The reason why there are so many unhappy people in the world:

They're clinging to some version of what if.

Okay, so dreams are bad?

If they lead to unrealistic expectations, then yes.

-This is ridiculous. -I know.

-I'm going to bed. -No. Carly.

And you...

...are leaving.

-Don't get all dramatic. -I'm her mother.

I get to say when her childhood fantasies end, not you.

What?

"Disbelief in fairy. Summons."

What? What?

Yes.

Thompson? Derek Thompson?

Yes. Yes, God. It's me. Is that you, God?

You're Thompson?

You're God?

No, I'm Tracy. I'm your caseworker. What is this?

How disappointing.

Come with me, please.

No, thank you. Thank you. Fairy Krishnas.

What are you wearing?

L... I don't know what I'm wearing. What are you wearing?

-Who is this guy? -Dream killer. I don't like your sort.

What'd I do? Why am I here?

-Where am I? -No one likes your kind here.

No one likes your attitude. The way you show up acting strange. "Why am I here?

-What are these giant wings?" -Hey, hey! Do we have a problem?

Yeah, we have a problem. You just said, "Do we have a problem"...

...which has given us a problem. -Right.

-Tracy, right? -Yeah.

-What a pretty girl's name you have. -Don't laugh at that.

That's strike two. You don't wanna get to strike three.

-Oh, yeah? What happens after strike three? -Strike four.

Yeah.

We'll get your uniform sorted out and then we can get you registered...

...and begin your training. -Training for what?

"Training for what?" You, Mr. Thompson, are gonna spend some time...

...as a tooth fairy.

Yeah.

"As a tooth fairy."

Someone get him, please. Calm down, everyone.

He's relatively harmless.

-Everyone all right? -Really? What are you, fairy patrol?

I'm 230 pounds of man. It's gonna take more than eight fairies to get me.

Get your fairy hands off me. Is this fairy etiquette?

All right. Okay.

-Where were we? -Help! Wake me up!

I'm in a nightmare! Please! Please, help me!

The nightmare's just beginning, buddy.

You want a shot at the title?

Is that it? You feeling lucky...

...punk? -Hey.

Maybe I am. Hold these, baby.

I can't see anything, give them back. That... It was a stupid idea.

Oh, yeah. You want a piece of this, huh? I'm ready to go.

Hey.

You just made a big mistake.

No.

Please. You got a magic wand.

You gonna pull a rabbit out of the hat?

Fairy fight!

-Let's not get carried away. -Now I got one too.

I'm gonna introduce you to the Hammer brothers, Sledge and Jack.

Who do you want? Who do you wanna meet?

-I can't see. Can't see. -Oh, dear.

It looks like you picked on the wrong fairy.

I can see. Oh, magic wand.

Oh, my gosh, the magic wand go bang-bang.

What is going on here?

-I'll tell you what's going on. -The sugar-dumb fairy showed up.

He was gonna introduce me...

...to the Hammer brothers. -They're still in town.

Stop it! You're behaving like leprechauns.

He has got such a major attitude problem.

Oh, I'm well aware of his attitude, believe me.

-Hello, Mr. Thompson. -Hi.

Sorry about the foul-up with your outfit.

Budget problems. Tracy will take care of it.

Who, him? Yeah, sure. Great.

You, sir, are guilty of disseminating disbelief.

Killing dreams.

Committing first-degree murder of fantasy...

...which by fairy law... -Wait, is this because...

...of what happened with Tess? Listen... -Excuse me.

I hadn't finished speaking. Did I look as though I had finished speaking?

Don't know. Everybody's got British accents.

You just interrupted me again while I was admonishing you for interrupting me.

Do I not look official enough?

I don't understand...

...why policemen or firemen don't get interrupted...

...but you add a pair of wings and suddenly all manners go out the window.

Shouldn't you be more in awe of somebody with wings than without?

You have no idea what I'm capable of.

I could just fly up into the air and do something crazy.

Maybe I breathe fire.

You don't know.

I'm sorry for interrupting you. I didn't mean it.

That is better.

In order to pay your debt to humanity...

...you are hereby ordered to serve time as a tooth fairy.

The normal sentence is one week...

...but because you have the nerve, the unmitigated gall...

...to actually call yourself a tooth fairy...

...thus make a mockery of everything we stand for...

...l'm sentencing you to two weeks' tooth-fairy duty.

No, no, no. It's unfair. No.

-Interrupting. -Interrupting again. Unbelievable.

Take him away. See that he's properly outfitted and get him into flying school.

I'm sorry, what?

Oh, but first, you get to meet Jerry.

Excuse me, Fairy Godmother? I have one last question.

Does this tutu make my butt look big?

Yes.

Huge.

Egg on the face.

-No, don't. No. -Come on.

-All right. -Good. You got the male version.

-Give us a spin so I can see. -How about I give you a spin with my fist?

-What does that mean? -It's a threat.

-It sounds like you're gonna... -I'll punch you in the nose.

-You should have said that. Clearer. -What's that?

That is just pathetic. Just like a child.

Chicken is fine.

I don't hate your chicken.

I like your chicken. I hate your brisket.

Yeah, I'm coming. Goodbye.

Never marry a leprechaun. Oh, the dream-popper.

Hey. Did it make you feel good to lie to that kid?

-I didn't lie. -You told the kid there was no tooth fairy.

-Right. -Liar.

-Look, I'm sorry l... -"Sorry" is a beginning.

Now, if you're gonna be a fairy, you gotta be ready.

Although...

Yeah.

Dude, there is a pill.

I mean, an amazing pill.

You take this pill, you don't have to do any of this.

-Really? -No, I was just kidding.

You're mad. You believed, then I took it away.

Be mad at me, I don't care. I have tenure. Come on, walk with Jerry.

Okay, here's your tool pouch. Waterproof. A lot of compartments.

You can get a lot of stuff in there. You dig?

-Yeah. -Okay. This...

This is your wand. Tooth detector, radar jammer. Keeps picking up Radio Caliente.

-I don't know what that's about. -What's that?

Magic generator button.

Does whatever you want it to do. But you have to believe or it won't work.

So it's pretty much useless to humans. And this.

You don't ever wanna lose this.

-What is it? -Well, it looks like an iPod adapter.

-Right, so, what is it? -It's an iPod adapter.

What's it for?

Listening to your iPod.

You get a free iPod. Did you not ask for your free iPod?

-No. Really? -I'm just kidding.

Yeah, why do you keep doing that?

I'm not well. I actually just have a few months to live.

-Oh, you're kidding. -Of course. Would I share that with you?

I just met you. Plus, you lie to kids. Come on, we got business to do.

Invisibility spray.

Use it, nobody can see you except other fairies.

And this, dude, trust me.

Shrinking paste. You put a little on your tongue...

...you shrink down to about 6 inches tall.

You wanna do it? Come on, let's do it together.

Come on, we'll jump into each other's hands.

-I don't wanna jump into your hands. -Really? Come on. Let's get small.

Sometimes when I'm home with the wife, right...

...l'll take a double hit.

I get down to that big. My feet dangle in the inkwell.

Then when she's out, I walk all over her body.

When she wakes up, there's footprints all over. She goes, "What is this?"

I go, "Hey, I don't know." See, when you're married a long time...

...you do stuff like this.

All right, let's see. What else?

Would you like a mint? I made them myself. Here.

Taste them. Come on. Really good.

Go ahead. Taste it.

-Yeah, sure. Great. -Help yourself.

These are good.

Yeah, these are good.

-Dog-bark mints. Comes in very handy. -For what?

Cats, mailmen, dogs that come up behind you.

-Or if a kid you lied to comes after you. -How many times...

...I gotta say I'm sorry about that? -Six times.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm...

I'm sorry, I was just kidding. I can't believe you did this.

Did you play without a helmet or something? What is with you?

It's like your brain is in a penalty box, I'm telling you. And you got...

...the eyes of a shark, but, like...

...deader. All right, listen.

Cat Away. Important. If you're not a cat person...

...this thing will come in very handy. Yeah.

I almost had a senior fairy moment. Don't you move.

This is my greatest invention ever.

Amnesia dust. Throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything for the last few seconds.

Yeah, right. Come on.

-That's how it works. -How what works?

Amnesia dust. Throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything for the last few seconds.

-That's how it works. -How what works?

Amnesia dust. Throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything for the last few seconds.

-That's how it works. -How what works?

Never gets old.

You wanna fly, you gotta believe. But you gotta learn to use your wings.

"Use my wings." You know how ridiculous you sound right now?

Who's your hobbit friend over here?

Wait. You stay here, okay? You have to learn from the best.

And some dang fool accused this guy of being the best.

Me and flying is just not gonna happen. I've got an old hockey injury...

...so I probably got a bad wing.

-That's one I never heard before. -How's it going?

What's up, man? Want me to turn He-Man into Peter Pan?

-Don't get me started, homey. -What is that? Your secret fairy jiving?

Maybe you didn't hear me. I said I've got a bad wing. I can't fly.

-Put me down! -D.O. D?

-Yeah. -I'm cranking this baby up.

Put me down.

I think you're ready to practice the F.O. A!

F.O. A?

What's F.O. A?

Flying object avoidance.

I throw something at you, you get out of the way, okay?

You better not throw anything at...

-You wanna get in on this, Tracy? -Put me down!

Lmagine these are your responsibilities and you're avoiding them.

-Bring it on! -Wimbledon!

It's Hammer brother...

Raise your right hand, repeat after me. I, fill in your name.

-I, Derek Thompson. -Swear to uphold and perform.

Swear to uphold and perform.

The duties, responsibilities and obligations.

The duties, responsibilities and obligations.

Of a tooth fairy.

Of a tooth fairy.

-Of a tooth fairy. -And that I will not drink and fly.

Drink and fly?

Okay, no, that's serious. That's serious.

That I will not drink and fly.

Welcome aboard. These coupons are redeemable at the gift shop.

Maybe I could have a fairy bumper sticker.

All right, I concede. It's real.

-Fairies do exist. -It's too late.

-Your sentence begins tomorrow. -No, no, no.

No. There's gotta be a way to postpone this, like jury duty.

I'm sure up here you have fairy duty or whatever it is you have.

I've got a coach breathing down my neck. I gotta patch things up with my girlfriend.

The interrupting thing. I'm sorry.

Any assignment you miss, you get another week.

And if you fail your terms of service...

...or tell anyone you're a tooth fairy, your time will be extended indefinitely.

-Oh, really? I'm not leaving. -Goodbye, Mr. Thompson.

No.

I'm sorry.

For what?

What I said last night.

Which part?

All the parts that deeply offended you.

Okay? Everything I've ever said...

...or thought. Even before I met you.

-Wanna come in? -Oh, yeah.

You can spend that one-on-one time with Randy.

Yeah.

Let me go to my car and get something, and I'll be right back.

Me and Randy.

All right. Yeah.

-I didn't know you could shred. -What do you want?

I brought you a present. Guess what it is.

Is it a puppy?

No, wise guy, it's not a puppy. It's one of my hockey sticks.

And now, after signed, "Your pal...

...the Tooth Fairy"...

...now it's worth a lot of money. There you go.

Okay. I'm just gonna leave it right here.

I bet you get a lot of chicks with that guitar.

-Can we stop this now? -Stop what?

You're just like my mom's past boyfriends.

-Pretending to be nice to me to impress her. -No, you're wrong.

I'm much better-looking than your mom's past boyfriends.

Big-boy pound for trying to break the ice.

-No? It's going away. -I have to get back to practice.

How about you come over to my place, I could break out my old drum kit...

...you could bring your guitar, and we could have a jam session.

How about I just go tell my mom you're actually pretty cool...

...and you stop trying to bond with me? -I'll take that deal.

So you'll never believe what Randy said about you after you left.

He said that you were actually pretty cool.

Well, I am pretty cool.

I'll say.

Well, whatever you're doing is working. So why don't you keep it up?

-Who's "T"? -I have no idea. I don't know.

What I do know is I would love for you to close your eyes...

...because I have an amazing surprise.

-Really? Okay. -Oh, yeah.

-Close your eyes. -Okay.

All right. Be right back.

Is my surprise 6-foot-3 with dark-brown eyes?

-Oh, you'll find out shortly. -I love surprises.

Get ready.

Oh, I know you're right in front of me.

-Keep your eyes closed. -Okay.

Don't look. Everything's okay.

-Don't peek. -Okay.

-I need some air. -What?

-I'm not feeling well. -Should I come...?

No! No.

-Can you give me some Pepto? -Of course, where is it?

It's upstairs in the bathroom. It's way...

...upstairs. -Oh, my gosh.

-Hello? -Hello.

-Who is this? -It's me. It's Tracy.

-Tracy who? -Tracy, your caseworker.

Your first assignment has just fallen asleep...

...so get yourself over quick to 663 Shelter Cove.

-I thought that was a dream. -Think again.

-Derek? -Oh, no! No.

-Where are you? -Bushes. Don't come any closer.

You can't see me like this. It'll ruin your romantic image of me.

Oh, honey. You are so sick.

-Yeah. -I checked the entire bathroom.

I couldn't find anything.

Look underneath the sink. Underneath the sink.

Way back deep underneath the sink.

-Okay. -Hello?

You heard the rules. You can't miss an assignment.

Plus those wings will stay until you get that tooth.

Oh, man.

You could clean up a little.

My wing.

-Delicate. Well done. -I can't believe this is happening.

It is happening, so get in the house and fetch the tooth.

No, no. I'm not going anywhere.

-Why don't you go in? -It's not my job.

That doesn't make sense. You're a fairy. You go in and get the tooth.

I'm not a winged fairy. I'm a caseworker fairy...

...which involves more responsibility.

There's a lot of filing and putting stuff in envelopes. It's tricky.

So you're saying you're not good enough.

-I'm not. -And they stuck you behind a desk.

No, I'll tell you what they did.

There's a lot of wing discrimination in the workplace. Very funny.

-How you gonna get the tooth? -Maybe I'll wing it.

-Brilliant. How are you gonna get in? -On a wing and a prayer.

-This is very funny stuff. -Which wing of the house...

...should I start with? -Want another week?

No. No, no. I don't want another minute of this.

So, what do you suggest, Einstein? I can't fly, so do what?

How about you shrink yourself down and slide under the door?

Just shrink and slide in. Yeah, that's what anybody would do.

It is, actually, okay?

-Is this gonna hurt? -Let's hope so.

-Come on. -And how do I get big again?

It's automatic. From the moment you shrink, you start to regrow.

It normally takes about an hour. Come on.

I can't believe this.

-Eat it. -Shut up.

Down the hatch.

Yum, yum, in Derek's tum.

Nice?

Oh, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!

Not so brave now, little wee man.

No, no, no!

Wing jokes aren't so funny now. The shoe's on the other foot.

-Okay. Okay. -You should shoe me some respect.

I'll shoe you some respect.

When I get bigger, I'm gonna slap the glasses off your face!

-You "shoe-dn't" upset me. -Is that the best you got?

Just take the money.

Hey, watch it! Don't throw money!

My wing. My wing.

Money's heavy. Money's heavy.

I hate this. I can't believe... Oh, my wing. My wing.

Okay.

No, no.

I'm the tooth fairy.

The tooth fairy. No, no, no.

It's okay, buddy, we're coming. Don't worry, sweetheart.

What's going on? What is it? Darling, we're coming.

What's going on? Are you okay?

-Honey, what's the matter? -I saw something.

-What did you see? -It was a little tiny man.

Hope you're not hungry.

Nice kitty. Don't hurt me, kitty.

I'm the tooth fairy!

Disappear! Kitty, be gone!

Derek?

-Carly? -Come cuddle with me.

-No. -What?

-Going to bed. Still not well. -Hey.

I'll call you when I'm bigger. I mean better.

Hello, fans. I'm Steve Levy coming to you from the wolf den...

...here in Lansing, Michigan, home of the Lansing Ice Wolves.

We are about to see the potentially historic debut...

...of an 18-year-old phenom.

Mick Donnelly is just about set to take the ice for the first time.

You pumped up for your first game?

Yeah, pops, I'm super pumped.

It means one less game until I'm out and into the bigs.

I'm done being generous.

This is my kingdom. You're in my kingdom.

I'm the king. You know what you are?

You're like one of those little guys in tights who run around the court in a poofy wig.

Mick the Stick! Mick the Stick! Mick the Stick!

Looks like you've been dethroned.

This is it. Final minute regulation time.

The Ice Wolves lead the Roughnecks two to one...

...and the kid Donnelly has lived up to the hype.

He's still working on that hat trick.

The puck comes back to the Roughnecks.

There's a quick shot. Nice save.

The puck goes into the corner, and Donnelly's picked it up.

Now he puts on the brakes and spins out of trouble.

Look at him fly, Jim.

He fakes another defender, and here he comes.

Donnelly's rushing up the ice. Look at those moves.

He's going through the Roughnecks like they're a bunch of rented mules.

Donnelly circles around the Roughneck goal.

He looks out front to pass. Now he kicks it off the board.

Now Donnelly clears himself off the boards and takes a pass in the slot.

He looks to shoot!

No, not now.

What a bone-crushing open-ice hit to Donnelly. And he's down.

Thompson was gonna clear Lembeck out...

...and suddenly instead, he just dropped to the ice. No one even touched him.

Hey, Thompson. You cost me a hat trick and an interview on ESPN.

Hey! Get over here. I wanna talk to you.

Hey! What are you doing? Get out here.

No, no, I'm very busy right now. No autographs. I'm busy.

Fine. I'll wait.

What are you guys talking about?

What the heck?

-What's he wearing? -Check out Thompson's feet, boys.

Derek.

-He looks like a little girl hockey player. -Disappear.

No, no, no. Either you come out or we're coming in.

Yeah.

-One. -This is not good.

Two.

Three!

What happened? Why are you late? Where have you been?

-Don't talk to me. Shut up. -Why are you wet?

-And I hate this job. -What's that smell? That's intense.

I can't breathe. That's too much.

It's making my eyes hurt.

-Hello. -Hi.

-What the...? -Mom, I'm home.

Where's the kid?

-Be nice. Be respectful. -I just came out of a toilet.

Do you think I care? Mama fairy. There is your tooth.

You do whatever it is you do here in fairy world with your teeth.

Mr. Thompson, according to your caseworker...

...you're not exactly embracing the tooth-fairy spirit.

-Really? Is that what my caseworker said? -No.

You called her. Let me tell you something. My caseworker here has wing envy.

-Not true. -It is true.

I am a giant fan of all the administrating.

-You hate this job. -I live for it.

-No, you don't. You hate this. -Will you two stop it?

Just look at what you have done to this family.

-Who are you? -Who are you?

-I don't know. -Am I home yet?

-It's not funny. -See the dog? His eyes were like that:

-You overdid it. -Fairy Godmother, who is your supervisor?

Who's above you? Gandhi? Who do I talk to?

-I wanna file a complaint now. -You have another assignment.

-Are you kidding me? -Sometimes there's a double-header.

Tell me where the tooth is so I can get it and go home.

Oh, no, not until the child falls asleep. Till then, I'm afraid you have to wait.

-Come on. I saved you a seat. -Okay.

One kid falls asleep in the afternoon. Another kid's up all night.

Oh, I love a cup of tea.

-Good tea? -Refreshing.

Oh, bull...

Hi. You feeling any better?

Yeah, a little bit. How about you guys come on up?

-Hi, Derek. -Hi, gorgeous.

Actually, I have a really big favor to ask.

Tess and I just got a last-minute invitation...

-To a beauty makeover party! -Nice.

A beauty makeover party.

I was wondering, because you're getting along so well now...

...if Randy can hang out with you for a little while.

Please?

Yeah. Yes. Of course.

Super, thank you. I'll make it up to you.

-Be good. Have fun. -Bye.

That's awesome.

I can see hockey's been really good to you.

Do you wanna hang with me or do you wanna go get a beauty makeover?

-Pretty cool stuff in here, huh? -Yeah. Whatever.

Why don't you take one down, see how it sounds?

I don't want to.

No, here. Give it a shot.

-Please. Don't. -Give it a shot.

Let's see how it sounds. Go ahead.

That sounds great. I'm gonna go check out the drums and the sticks.

In the meantime, you just keep practicing because all that is just awesome.

-Hi, Randy. -Hey, what's up?

-You sound pretty good. -Thanks.

-You gonna play in the talent show? -Kelly!

There you are.

Why you talking to emo boy?

-Don't be a jerk, Ben. -Your dad's waiting. We have to go.

-Bye, Randy. -Bye.

Don't think about talking to her. You got it, loser?

-Okay. -You should put this away...

...because you stink.

-What are you doing with Randy's guitar? -I don't know.

-So you should give it back to him. -Okay.

Now you can get out of here. Beat it.

-You are in trouble now. -We'll see.

Oh, I know we'll see. Can you beat two pair?

Call me and find out.

Big boy puts in all his big-boy Doodles.

Look at that. Me too. I'm not scared because it's aces over kings.

-Flush. -No.

Yes. Look at all these Doodles, and they're all mine.

-Nice. -Yeah.

-I'm gonna enjoy these. -Don't rub it in.

Can I ask you something?

It's about your body and how it's changing, isn't it?

-What? -Everything that's happening to you...

...and your body now is natural.

-Are you growing...? -No. No.

-Do you have a funny feeling...? -Stop.

-You'll start to grow... -No. Stop talking.

-Okay, okay. Well, you... -That wasn't what I was gonna ask at all.

-Okay. -It wasn't even close.

Okay. All right. Big-boy pound for not wanting to talk about puberty.

Right? Yes, thank goodness. Believe me, I don't wanna talk about it either.

All right. What's up, seriously?

All right. Well...

...there's this talent show coming up at my school and...

Okay.

My mom thinks I should play in it, and I'm kind of...

I don't know.

Well, maybe you should play in it.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Yeah, you will be great. I heard you play. You're really good, man.

And the chicks, they love guitar players.

-We're back! -Hey, baby. We're up here.

Don't tell your mom I said that about girls.

-Hi, boys. How'd it go? -Hi.

-Well, your son cheats. -Does not.

-He absolutely does, and you look... -Gorgeous!

You took the words right out of my mouth.

You guys hungry? How about we get supper?

Love to.

Where's your coat, hon?

Oh, no.

-You guys gotta go. -Is someone hurt?

No, not hurt in a way that you have to be worried.

Both of you look beautiful. I'll call later. I'm sorry.

-Okay... -Bye.

Shrinking paste? Nope, not that again. Amnesia dust? No.

Flying? Bad wing, forget it.

Oh, hey, and by the way, your all-purpose magic generator button.

It doesn't work. It's broken.

Here's an idea, brain-box. Why don't you...?

-Don't touch my pouch. -All right. That was too much.

-What do you want? -Get out the magical invisibility spray.

Okay? That's relatively idiot-proof.

Yeah, I know that.

Ignore my last comment.

Hey, what a surprise. It doesn't work. Your stuff stinks.

Nice.

Shame it wears off.

Earthquake.

-Did you hear that? -Yes!

Ghosts!

Are you lost? Can we help you?

How would you like a little amnesia dust?

-Where am I? -Just go to the white light, my friend.

Just go to the white light.

Nice doggy.

Don't hurt me, doggy.

What is this?

-It's a long and delightful story. -Where's the tooth?

Can I get a little help here?

That'll be all.

You might just be the worst tooth fairy ever.

-By the way, I need some more stuff. -Stuff?

Stuff. The magic powder, the gunk. I need some. Notify Q.

-No. No more stuff. -Well, that's brilliant.

I have a week and a half left. How am I supposed to do that?

Sorry, we're running very low on funding. And would you like to know why?

No, not really.

Because children aren't believing as they used to.

Oh, it's not just us.

It's unicorns, leprechauns, dragons, all those departments. Completely gone.

If this trend continues...

...Tooth Fairyland will cease to exist.

No child will ever again receive a visit from a tooth fairy.

-Ever. -No more visit from the tooth fairy.

So what?

You really don't get it, do you?

You don't see that children's fantasies...

...their abilities to imagine, are important?

Why, it nourishes their very souls.

It's the foundation that allows them to dream.

Dreams are bad. They're bad.

They're useless.

-You're done. -For the week.

No, for the night.

Unless you wish to stay for fairyoke.

Oh, my. No.

Fairyoke. Like karaoke isn't bad enough.

Me?

I got what you need.

-What's that? -The goods...

...the stuff, package...

...the bag, the bomb...

...the juice, the bing, the bang, the Frisco special...

...pink lady, little drummer boy...

-Who are you? -Ziggy.

You can call me whatever you want. Zigman, Zigmeister...

-Please stop talking. -You know, they want you to fail.

-What? -Think about it.

You fail, they tack on more time.

It's like credit-card debt, man. They just wanna keep you paying forever.

-Yeah? -You really wanna play that game?

-So? -A thousand bucks.

-Thousand bucks? You're killing me, Ziggy. -How bad do you want this to end?

Can I write you a check?

Oh, my goodness.

You can see me?

Oh, man. This better work.

Oh, no. What is that?

What are you doing?

What did Ziggy give me?

Big head! Really big head!

-911? 911? -Just stay calm. -911? 911?

-I just need the tooth. -There's an alien on my porch.

You are amazing.

Lily is ticked off because she had to send another fairy to clean up your mess.

I learned my lesson. Never buy black-market stuff.

-I can't go another two weeks without it. -Yes, you can, friend.

You just have to surrender to a higher power...

...and take it one day at a time. -Hello?

Caseworkers decide who can see us and who can't.

Which you'd know, if you ever paid any attention...

...ever listened to anything I say, but no. You're always:

-Shut up. -Hey. My friend.

You really need to get yourself cleaned up.

If you want, I can give you a pamphlet.

And FYI, your sentence has been extended.

Lily tacked on another week, so well done.

-Great. Just what I need. -I think it is what you need, friend.

Listen, I can give you fresh supplies right now.

On one condition: From now on, you follow the rules.

You embrace the fairy spirit. And you start listening to old muggins here.

Fine. I'll be the best tooth fairy ever.

You keep running out on me to see l-don't-even-know-who.

And then you never call, and when I do finally hear from you...

...it's to bail you out of jail. What's going on with you?

I wanna tell you, but I can't.

-Why not? -L...

I just can't.

I know what this is.

This is you acting out. You're afraid of commitment.

You're nervous about us getting serious.

Yes. That's it.

You know me so well. I'm nervous about how serious we're getting.

What?

You're a woman. And frankly, you wouldn't understand.

What?

No.

No, I'm not nervous about us getting serious.

I wouldn't even think about getting serious with you.

What?

I freaked. And, Carly, I love you so much.

I'm scared of messing up and I'm scared of losing you.

I understand.

I'm so glad you could share that with me.

Where can I get some of that?

What are you doing? Are you oiling up your abs again?

-I'm coming! -Hurry up.

Hey, I've been stepped on...

...flushed, bitten and arrested.

Will you stop complaining? You promised to embrace the fairy spirit.

Oh, I'm embracing the fairy spirit, all right.

But I'm doing it...

...my way.

I'm not sure that's in the rules.

Oh, yeah.

I'm just here for the tooth, sir.

Just the tooth.

I'll take my glove away.

That's it.

Now, just hand over the tooth.

Nice and easy.

Let it go.

Let it go.

I said, let it go.

Very good. You have a good night, sir.

Hey.

Who are you?

I'm the tooth fairy.

Oh, yeah.

You got it? Let's go. All right, Mick, how's life in Lansing so far for you?

It's been good. I'm the new blood of the team.

Some of these Wolves are getting long in the tooth, if you know what I mean.

When you say "long in the tooth," that would be a reference...

...to Derek Thompson, the Tooth Fairy.

It's not a rivalry, you know. I respect my elders.

-Has Thompson taken you under his wing? -No, his wings are tattered.

My wings are new and ready to fly, and I like to do my own thing.

A confident, young hockey player.

-Good luck this afternoon. -Thank you.

The Ice Wolves dump the puck and look to make a line change.

-Mick, get ready! -Finally.

-Hey, good luck out there, buddy. -Okay.

No, I mean it. I think you're gonna do great.

-You're the bestest hockey player ever. -Whatever.

-Mick, change, change! -Hit him, hit him!

-Yeah. -Come on, Floyd.

Donnelly jumps into the play...

...and takes a cross-ice pass. The Ice Wolves...

...charge across the blue line. Big scrum in front of the net as these two rivals...

...start to get a little feisty with each other.

Oh, yeah.

All right. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

The puck goes into the corner, where Nubin chases it down.

-What's the matter with him? -What's up with Donnelly?

Get in there, Donnelly! Get in there!

The puck squirts loose. Now Donnelly picks it up...

...skates to the point, looking to set up a play.

-Bring it up. Bring it up. -Hi.

Donnelly takes a terrible fall.

-What happened there, Jim? -Who hit him?

-Someone hit him? -Anyone know who hit him?

What is going on?

-What is he doing? -Stop it.

Is he laughing?

Donnelly, you okay, kid?

What?

-Are you trying to test me, kid? -Get off the ice!

Listen, you wanna play games? You can head over to the daycare center.

Get out of here. Right now. Move it.

So, what'd I miss?

Why you bark?

I'm not gonna be ready. I'll get up there and blow it.

You'll be fine. We just gotta keep practicing.

Everyone's gonna laugh at me. Maybe I shouldn't do this.

Well, maybe they will...

...or maybe you'll blow the roof off the place, huh?

Man, you're good. But you're not gonna find out if you quit.

You can't score if you don't take the shot.

Yeah? When was the last time you took a shot?

Listen, when I first started, I was a scorer.

First-round draft pick of the Devils, playing in the bigs.

-So, what happened? -I busted my shoulder one night in Chicago.

They sent me down to the minors to recover, and it took forever.

I got so angry and frustrated.

One night, I got into it with some meathead from New Haven.

Knocked out a couple of his teeth, crowd went crazy...

...and they started calling me the Tooth Fairy, and it stuck.

And I haven't scored in years.

But I've got more penalty minutes than anyone else in the league. Yeah.

But, like, isn't your shoulder all healed now?

It's just not the same.

But how do you know? You don't even try.

You can't score if you don't take the shot.

I'll tell you what. I will if you will.

Okay. I'll take that deal.

Hey.

All right. Thank you.

And another tooth.

Hey. That must be good.

That moment when you hand over the tooth.

Not that I'm interested. Just wondering, you know, how it felt.

-Why don't you find out? -We've been through this. I'm not winged.

Okay. Explain to me one more time. Why can't you have wings?

-Do you know nothing about fairy evolution? -Fairy evolution. Who wrote that...

...Charles Darwing?

Inspired. Brilliant.

According to fairy evolution, some fairies can grow wings and some can't.

And I'm one of the unlucky ones.

Tracy, you don't have to have wings to be a tooth fairy.

-Hey, remember, you've got all of this. -That is true.

Somewhere in there, you gotta show them your strengths. Speed, agility, flexibility.

Right. And how am I gonna do that?

Around the cones, around the cones. Quick feet, quick feet.

No. Come back. Come back.

Where are you going?

-Look at the size. -Get over the fence.

It's 3 feet high. You're 8 feet tall. Go back.

-A dinosaur! -No, it's not.

What the heck?

Come on. Over the fence.

I'm all right. I'm okay. I'm okay.

-You okay? -No. Good night.

-It's a child! -Why'd you hit the kid?

They've got matching robes. It's my worst nightmare.

-Don't drop me. -Yeah.

I got it. I got it.

I'm there. I'm not there.

You look like a beautiful reindeer with your legs. You're prancing, you're prancing.

Not on the kid, on yourself.

Amnesia dust. Amnesia dust.

Yeah!

Dust, dust, dust. Up.

You sound great. You're gonna kill them tomorrow night.

So, what do you think?

Nice. That is bigtime. Randy Harris. Talent show.

-I like that slot too. -You think I could be a famous rock star?

Like Clapton or Hendrix or Stevie Ray Vaughan?

-You want it straight? -Yeah.

Okay.

You're getting pretty good, right? So let's say you keep working at it really hard.

Then let's say you become the best 13-year-old guitarist...

...in your neighborhood. Here's the deal.

Remember there are a lot of neighborhoods...

...with a lot of 13-year-old guitarists.

But somewhere, there's a 12-year-old who's shredding it.

I mean, he is killing that guitar.

Yeah?

You know what? Yeah. It's possible.

Cool.

Go get them.

Late in the third period, Ice Wolves down four to three...

...to the Arrows. Donnelly is getting a breather, but having another great game.

The Arrows leading scorer, Crosley, takes the pass, and he is on the move.

Mickey, your line's up.

All right, old man. Got a fresh pair of Depends on?

You never know, kid. I just might surprise you.

Ice Wolves dump the puck into the Arrows' zone, change lines on the fly...

...as the coach throws Donnelly back in the game.

Allegheny's got the puck in their own zone. They're crossing the blue line.

Change! Change!

And here comes Thompson off the bench, replacing Goff.

Thompson knocks Crosley flat on his back...

...and kicks the puck in the neutral zone, where Browley picks it up.

Thompson jumps back into the play as Donnelly weaves around Crosley.

Now Thompson takes a pass right on his stick as Donnelly flashes into the play.

It's a two-on-one with Thompson of all people leading the rush.

Pass it!

Donnelly's screaming for the puck, but Thompson won't give it up.

-Pass. -Pass it! Pass it!

Pass!

Thompson looks to pass.

No, he fakes the pass.

He's got the top shelf wide open.

-Mickey's open! Pass it! -Pass.

No!

-What a hit on Thompson. -What is he thinking?

The Arrows have numbers, coming up the ice.

-They shoot, they score! -Damn it.

Jim, it looked like Thompson was actually gonna shoot, and he just choked.

You're not a hockey player. You're a sideshow attraction!

You know what? Why don't you watch tomorrow's game from the bench?

You bum.

Come on, boys. Come on now. Here we go. Here we go. Come on, let's start up.

Oh, great.

Hey, honey. How was your game?

-Not good. -Derek, guess what.

-I have another loose tooth. -Good for you, honey.

-What's the matter, hon? -Everything.

-Nothing. You know, forget it. -Can we go practice now?

Can we skip today's session? I just don't have it in me.

-The talent show is tomorrow. -You'll be fine.

-I need one more run through... -No, you don't.

No, I do need it. I just need a little more practice. Just so I can get it down.

It doesn't matter what you do in the show. You'll never be a famous rock star.

You'll just be another kid with a guitar. Do yourself a favor and give it up.

-Derek. -Look, I'm sorry...

...but it's for his own good. Trust me.

No!

Come on, Tess. Tess, let's go.

-What is wrong with you? -Look, I had a bad day.

-Had a bad day? -I had a bad day, okay?

No. No, that is not okay.

You are never gonna speak to my children again.

We are done.

Carly.

You know what your problem is, Derek? You can't say "what if."

And you never will.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, okay, okay. All right.

Who wants to hear some good news?

I do. Come on.

-Why are you here? -Lily gave me this.

-Only a permit, but I'm on the way. -You should be on your way out.

-I'm going to bed. -It's thanks to you.

We've gotta celebrate. I know a place where the hot fairy godmothers hang.

Are you out of your mind? I just lost everything that's important to me.

My girlfriend, those kids, and I probably hung up my skates for good.

All because, like an idiot, I bought into your tooth-fairy garbage.

Look where it's gotten me.

You make one effort and it doesn't work out...

...and suddenly you're just gonna give up?

It's not supposed to be that easy, and you know it.

I'll tell you what I do know. I know that you don't have wings.

So that means you can't fly.

That also means that you can never, ever, ever be a tooth fairy.

What happens if you try to escape out a 10-story building? I'll tell you what.

Splat, just like that.

You know what's really sad?

The person you hurt the most with all your dream-killing...

...is not Randy or Carly or even me.

It's you.

-Get out. -Fine.

Good.

Fine.

I'm going to bed.

One twenty-four left in the third period...

...with the Ice Wolves still trailing one to nothing.

And Derek Thompson is still completely in the coach's doghouse.

-I don't think he's seen a second of ice time. -Here we go, here we go.

As he has all game, Andreas Petrenko, the Mute Brute...

...continues to replace Thompson on the first line.

Face-off won by the Lumbermen.

What a hit!

Donnelly steals the puck, and now he's rushing up the ice short-handed.

-Only Coletta can get back. -Let's go, Mick. Let's go, Mick.

This is classic. Every move Donnelly makes...

...Coletta's got an answer.

Donnelly shoots to his left.

He's got Coletta out of position and Donnelly moves around him.

He's got the defenseman beat. He shoots!

Hits the crossbar.

What happened? They blew the whistle.

Back behind the play, Jim, Petrenko got sucker-punched...

...and I don't think he's getting up.

Thompson.

Go.

Go.

All right, here we go.

The Ice Wolves have less than a minute to score...

...and send this game into overtime.

Off the face-off, it's Plattsburgh with the puck.

And they start their drive as the clock winds down.

I don't know. It looks to me like Thompson is just going through the motions out there.

Oh, my! Thompson just got leveled.

How could that not be a penalty? He just got crushed.

I think the Tooth Fairy just got a taste of his own medicine.

Look at Thompson, Jim.

He looks like he's got some jump back in those legs.

Thompson's rushing across the ice, and I don't think it's to make friends.

Well, this is gonna hurt.

No! He pulled up, Jim. He didn't throw a check.

Incredible!

He steals the puck and now is barreling down the ice.

-Look at him go. -Ellis can't keep up with Thompson.

He's making moves we haven't seen in a long time.

Who is that guy?

Thompson only has one defender to beat.

He takes the stick to the face.

-I think he's going down. -No, he stays on his feet.

He's gonna shoot!

He shoots!

He scores!

Yeah!

Yeah. All right, nice shot.

Derek Thompson has not taken a shot in nine years.

In one of the most amazing shots I've ever seen, it ties it up at one all.

Call me the Mayor of Shockville. Let's do it again.

Hey, old man.

Not bad.

-Yeah, Derek. -Nice shot, dude.

Way to go.

And here we go.

We're under 20 seconds as both teams head to the center line for a face-off.

Oh, no.

The Ice Wolves win the drop.

There's a cross-ice pass to Thompson, who ices it.

-Why would he do that? -I have no idea, Jim.

No, I can't leave now. This is my last chance to actually play the game...

...to go out the way I came in.

I could cover for you. After what I've seen, you deserve it.

Thompson, what are you doing? Who's he talking to?

Aren't you a trainee? Isn't that breaking the rules?

Please, I've learned from the best.

But I do think you should look at the address before you decide.

It's Carly's house.

Hey, 14. Come on. Let's go.

Thompson, get back in the game.

-I can go. Lily does not have to know. -But I'll know.

This is my house to take care of.

-Let's do this. -How? You can't fly.

Good time to learn.

I knew you had it in you.

Go get them.

You wanna fly, you gotta believe.

No need to panic. It's just a giant amnesia gun.

It's painless. You won't remember a thing.

Don't you forget about me

You will.

Good luck finding your cars.

Tess?

Derek.

-Hi, honey. -Hi, Derek.

I like your costume.

I have to tell you something.

I was wrong.

The tooth fairy is real...

...and it's me.

I know.

No, honey, I'm not talking about the hockey Tooth Fairy.

I'm the real tooth fairy.

No, you're not.

You are the real tooth fairy.

-It'll just be our secret, okay? -Okay.

Randy?

What are you doing here?

I have to talk to you.

Go away.

Listen, those things I said yesterday?

I was wrong.

I don't care.

You gotta keep playing guitar.

You're really good.

And nothing you love doing that much could ever be a waste of time.

I'm so sorry.

Even if I wanted to, I can't.

I smashed my guitar, remember?

Tonight is the talent show.

Hold on one second.

Maybe this'll help.

It's awesome.

How...? How did you do that?

All-purpose magic generator.

-What are you wearing? -You'll find out.

In the meantime, put some clothes on. We can still make the talent show, okay?

Come on.

Derek?

Mommy, Derek is the tooth fairy.

You rented a fairy costume to make it up to Tess.

Yes. That's what I did.

Hey, Mom. Derek got me a new guitar, and he's taking me to the talent show.

What time is it? You'll never make it.

-It's gotta... -Don't worry about that. We can make it.

You, that way. You guys, go up and get dressed, and we'll see you over there.

Oh, yeah.

-Where's your car? -No car. Let's go.

Hang on!

-How is this happening? -It's okay. It's okay.

Yeah, but like how is it possible?

It all started one night. I got a summons underneath my pillow.

-What is a summons? -A summons is like an invitation.

-I got an invitation to Fairyland. -Fairyland?

It's where I got these wings. I met this guy up there named Tracy.

He looks like a walking toothpick with the eyes of a big tuna.

By the way, I can shrink myself down to 6 inches.

Pretty good.

What?

I'm sorry, buddy, but I've already broken enough rules.

Randy, there you are. We've been looking all over for you.

Get in there and tune up. Come on.

-Another tooth. -Thank you.

You're welcome. I've got a concert to get to.

No, you skirted quite a few rules tonight, Mr. Thompson.

But I took care of Carly, I dusted Randy...

...and Tess, she's only 6, so pretty soon she'll forget.

And even if she doesn't, at least now she'll...

She'll always...

Always what?

She will always believe...

...like I will.

I get it. Dreams are good. For everyone.

Mr. Thompson...

...I hereby relieve you of tooth-fairy duty.

-You're good. -She's a pro.

Congratulations.

Put that away.

L... I tend not to do the whole physical contact thing.

Oh, you like me. I know you like me.

You do the whole distant administrator demeanor thing...

...which I understand, but somewhere in there, you like me.

Well...

...let's not get frisky.

-I really gotta go. -Yeah. Could you wait just one second?

Tracy, I need another word with you.

What's this about?

Anybody that can rehabilitate Mr. Thompson...

...more than deserves...

...these.

Are these?

It's your wings, Tracy.

Wear them with pride...

...every time you collect a new tooth.

-You're a tooth fairy, buddy. -I got my wings.

You got your wings.

Here. You need this.

Little bag. I don't know why I'm speaking like this.

No?

Thank you, milady.

This is great and I'm proud of you. You're the tallest tooth fairy in the world.

But I gotta go. Somebody's gotta poof me down.

Tracy, would you like to do the honors or shall I?

-Oh, so honors? Oh, a gift. Yeah. -I'm afraid not.

You're not gonna remember anything that happened in Fairyland.

-Why? -Because that's just the way we do it.

I'll never forget you.

I can't believe you showed up at the rink.

It's just the way we do things.

Thank you, Tracy, for everything.

You big four-eyed giraffe.

Go back to the zoo.

And you get that head back to Easter Island.

Hammer brothers are still in town.

Let me meet those guys.

-You're my man. -And you are my fairy.

-Could we e-mail or something? -We should be able to e-mail each other.

-Do you blog? I'd love to read your blog. -I do blog. Wanna read my blog?

-Do you Facebook? I could poke you. -I'd love to be poked!

Yes.

-Oh, there you are. I couldn't find you. -Hi.

Yeah, I was just at... I was...

-I am so excited. -Me too.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

-Hi, honey. -Hi, Derek.

Good job, Timmy!

Keep it going for our last performer of the night...

...Randy Harris!

Randy!

-Go, Randy! -Yeah!

-Way to go, Randy! -Great job!

Randy! That's my kid!

Hey, I was just wondering. What if we got married?

What if we got married?

Did you hear what I said?

I said "what if."

-Yes. -Yeah?

We're getting married.

Yeah!

We're getting married.

Good evening, everybody.

Welcome to Staples Center, the home of your Los Angeles Kings.

Now let's introduce tonight's starting lineup for the Kings.

-At right wing, number 13, John Zeiler. -Hey, excuse me. Hey, dude! Dude!

Hey, big daddy. Just wanna shake your hand. I don't want anything.

Excited to see you back in the NHL right where you belong.

-Look at you now, huh? -Do I know you?

No, I'm just excited to see you because I believe in you, man.

I believe in you, big daddy. I believe in you, Derek Thompson.

In goal, number 32, Jonathan Quick.

And starting at left wing...

...number 40, Derek Thompson.

-Yes! -I got you a few of your favorite things.

Oh, thank you, Jerry.

It's not every day the boss asks me to go off-campus.

It's about time I got you out of that basement.

-That's cool. -Did you see him?

-Yeah, we're fine. -Oh, I miss him.

Yes! Knock him on his bum.

It's like a whole new you.

I don't know why you like this. You can't even see the ball.

-It's called a puck. -Yeah, but you can't even see it.

I mean, something that small moving that fast...

...it'd be so much better to get closer to it.

You know what I mean?

-Jerry. -I'm gonna do it.

-You're not. -I'm gonna do it.

-No. No, Jerry. -I gotta do it.

I gotta do this. Okay, I'm not gonna do it.

I'm just kidding, I gotta do it.

This is gonna be cool.

I love my job!

That was a rush.

Thank you.

I don't know why I'm speaking like this.

Kitty, be gone!

I hate this job.

Good luck finding your cars.

My wing. My wing.

Fairy coming through.

I got the tooth! I got the tooth, baby! Yeah!