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1
00:00:00,929 --> 00:00:02,984
They say being
a stay-at-home mom
2
00:00:02,985 --> 00:00:04,457
is the noblest
and hardest profession
3
00:00:04,458 --> 00:00:05,858
a woman could have,
4
00:00:05,859 --> 00:00:07,093
but they're all lying.
5
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,527
It's the greatest scam on earth.
6
00:00:08,528 --> 00:00:09,895
I never have to put on pants...
[yawns]
7
00:00:09,896 --> 00:00:12,031
My boobs magically
make baby food,
8
00:00:12,032 --> 00:00:14,333
and I get to spend all day
with my best buddy Leo.
9
00:00:14,334 --> 00:00:17,570
Hey, Leo.
Can you pass the chips, please?
10
00:00:17,571 --> 00:00:18,872
Oh.
11
00:00:21,174 --> 00:00:23,843
Hey, babe.
12
00:00:23,844 --> 00:00:24,910
What the hell happened here?
13
00:00:24,911 --> 00:00:26,779
Where's... where's dinner?
14
00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:28,848
I was in surgery for six hours.
15
00:00:28,849 --> 00:00:30,282
You didn't make any dinner?
16
00:00:30,283 --> 00:00:32,084
How could I have done that?
We just woke up.
17
00:00:32,085 --> 00:00:33,285
What'd you do all day?
18
00:00:33,286 --> 00:00:34,887
I think I taught Leo
how to use a cell phone,
19
00:00:34,888 --> 00:00:37,289
and we made this. Ta-da!
20
00:00:37,290 --> 00:00:38,758
Baby's first enemies list.
21
00:00:38,759 --> 00:00:40,860
There's Princess Charlotte,
Silas Timberlake,
22
00:00:40,861 --> 00:00:41,894
that noisy garbage truck
23
00:00:41,895 --> 00:00:43,262
that wakes him up every morning.
24
00:00:43,263 --> 00:00:44,296
Did you think about, maybe,
25
00:00:44,297 --> 00:00:45,898
tidying up the apartment
a little bit?
26
00:00:45,899 --> 00:00:47,099
Oh, that reminds me.
27
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,334
The housekeeper
didn't show up today.
28
00:00:48,335 --> 00:00:49,769
I hope Sylvia's okay.
29
00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:51,804
Plus, I have a garbage bag
full of old Spanx for her.
30
00:00:51,805 --> 00:00:53,005
Oh, I let Sylvia go.
31
00:00:53,006 --> 00:00:54,540
I thought cleaning
would be your job now.
32
00:00:54,541 --> 00:00:56,008
Danny, I can't clean!
33
00:00:56,009 --> 00:00:57,843
I was born in this
country and I'm too lazy.
34
00:00:57,844 --> 00:00:59,044
Min... [sighs]
35
00:00:59,045 --> 00:01:01,280
Look, if we're gonna be
a single-income family,
36
00:01:01,281 --> 00:01:03,249
we can't afford to eat
takeout every night
37
00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:05,785
and have a housekeeper
wait on us hand and foot.
38
00:01:05,786 --> 00:01:07,353
Ma did it with no help,
and she had to work
39
00:01:07,354 --> 00:01:08,554
cleaning hotel rooms.
40
00:01:08,555 --> 00:01:10,523
That's a good point.
I can do this.
41
00:01:10,524 --> 00:01:11,724
That's the spirit.
42
00:01:11,725 --> 00:01:12,892
You're gonna be
a great stay-at-home mom,
43
00:01:12,893 --> 00:01:13,993
I know it.
44
00:01:13,994 --> 00:01:15,728
Stay-at-home mom.
45
00:01:15,729 --> 00:01:18,130
Can you remind me
what that job entails?
46
00:01:18,131 --> 00:01:20,432
Cooking, cleaning,
laundry, paying the bills,
47
00:01:20,433 --> 00:01:22,334
waxing the floors,
keeping the piano in tune,
48
00:01:22,335 --> 00:01:24,003
stocking the pantry,
raising our son,
49
00:01:24,004 --> 00:01:25,738
and maintaining
a positive attitude
50
00:01:25,739 --> 00:01:28,040
that sets the tone for
the rest of the household.
51
00:01:28,041 --> 00:01:30,142
[gasps] Oh... huh.
52
00:01:30,143 --> 00:01:32,489
[hip-hop music]
53
00:01:32,490 --> 00:01:34,880
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
54
00:01:38,118 --> 00:01:39,752
Wow, you're up early.
55
00:01:39,753 --> 00:01:42,087
Is Miss Piggy co-hosting
"The Today Show?"
56
00:01:42,088 --> 00:01:43,722
No, she karate-chopped
Savannah Guthrie
57
00:01:43,723 --> 00:01:45,958
and got banned from set.
58
00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:48,694
Danny, getting up early
is an essential part
59
00:01:48,695 --> 00:01:50,629
of being a stay-at-home MILF.
60
00:01:50,630 --> 00:01:52,498
MILF.
61
00:01:52,499 --> 00:01:54,533
A Mom I'd Like To French?
62
00:01:54,534 --> 00:01:55,601
I like that.
63
00:01:55,602 --> 00:01:57,303
This is my new job.
64
00:01:57,304 --> 00:01:59,438
So, I just need
to take the focus
65
00:01:59,439 --> 00:02:01,574
that I had in
my old job as a doctor,
66
00:02:01,575 --> 00:02:03,676
and simply apply it to this.
67
00:02:03,677 --> 00:02:06,645
For instance, my fiance's
morning cup of coffee.
68
00:02:06,646 --> 00:02:07,880
Wow.
69
00:02:07,881 --> 00:02:09,148
And I found this
really cool mommy blog
70
00:02:09,149 --> 00:02:11,083
to help me: "Modern Mominista,
71
00:02:11,084 --> 00:02:13,686
living a fabulous life one
dirty diaper at a time."
72
00:02:13,687 --> 00:02:14,954
You can tell it's
a really classy site
73
00:02:14,955 --> 00:02:17,122
because the banner ads
are for anti-depressants.
74
00:02:17,123 --> 00:02:19,892
We... got a little
something in there.
75
00:02:19,893 --> 00:02:21,493
Oh, no, you leave that in there.
76
00:02:21,494 --> 00:02:23,429
That's the coffee.
77
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:24,597
You leave it in here?
78
00:02:24,598 --> 00:02:26,732
Do you not like it?
79
00:02:26,733 --> 00:02:27,800
I love it.
80
00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:30,803
[hip-hop music]
81
00:02:30,804 --> 00:02:31,837
[beeps]
82
00:02:31,838 --> 00:02:34,173
Good morning, Shulman &
Associates,
83
00:02:34,174 --> 00:02:36,575
and welcome to
your new intercom.
84
00:02:36,576 --> 00:02:38,844
I noticed that our morning
meetings were becoming
85
00:02:38,845 --> 00:02:40,813
interminable, because
I couldn't seem to get through
86
00:02:40,814 --> 00:02:42,281
a single sentence
without interruptions.
87
00:02:42,282 --> 00:02:43,315
- Dr. Reed, I need the day off.
- Dr. Reed,
88
00:02:43,316 --> 00:02:44,650
this chair hurts my butt cheeks.
89
00:02:44,651 --> 00:02:47,219
However, with this new
office-wide intercom,
90
00:02:47,220 --> 00:02:48,787
I never need to be worried about
91
00:02:48,788 --> 00:02:50,689
being interrupted ever agai...
92
00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:51,924
Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.
93
00:02:51,925 --> 00:02:53,325
I have a query, and I warn you,
94
00:02:53,326 --> 00:02:54,793
it pertains to
matters of the heart.
95
00:02:54,794 --> 00:02:56,428
Oh, you have a crush on me.
96
00:02:56,429 --> 00:02:58,631
You're too old, I'm sorry!
97
00:02:58,632 --> 00:03:00,165
Ah, don't tempt me, Beverly.
98
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,167
I have a hot air balloon
ride with your name on it.
99
00:03:02,168 --> 00:03:03,636
In that case, pick me up at six.
100
00:03:03,637 --> 00:03:04,670
I live in the alley.
101
00:03:04,671 --> 00:03:06,238
No.
102
00:03:06,239 --> 00:03:08,674
This is about my sweet darlin'
little baby sister, Colette.
103
00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:11,477
I need to find her a man.
104
00:03:11,478 --> 00:03:12,544
A man?
105
00:03:12,545 --> 00:03:15,014
For what?
To spot her at the gym?
106
00:03:15,015 --> 00:03:16,015
I could do that.
107
00:03:16,016 --> 00:03:17,216
No, a male suitor.
108
00:03:17,217 --> 00:03:18,651
Our grandfather's
wedding is coming up,
109
00:03:18,652 --> 00:03:20,052
and I don't want her to
be the only woman there
110
00:03:20,053 --> 00:03:21,787
without a dance partner,
111
00:03:21,788 --> 00:03:23,889
especially since
she is so graceful.
112
00:03:23,890 --> 00:03:24,890
[banging]
113
00:03:24,891 --> 00:03:28,127
Damn it, open up you dick!
114
00:03:28,128 --> 00:03:29,395
So, if y'all think of anyone
115
00:03:29,396 --> 00:03:31,497
who might fit the bill,
I'd be greatly obliged.
116
00:03:31,498 --> 00:03:33,666
Oh, and for your information,
117
00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,669
Jewish is fine.
118
00:03:37,103 --> 00:03:38,437
Hmm.
119
00:03:38,438 --> 00:03:40,205
Colette's gay, right?
120
00:03:40,206 --> 00:03:41,707
'Cause if not, I'm taking
back the walking stick
121
00:03:41,708 --> 00:03:42,908
I got her for her birthday.
122
00:03:42,909 --> 00:03:44,710
No, definitely,
I know gay when I see it, okay?
123
00:03:44,711 --> 00:03:46,245
I was in prison
124
00:03:46,246 --> 00:03:48,314
with Carson Kressley,
who's a great guy,
125
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,581
and totally changed
my sense of fashion.
126
00:03:49,582 --> 00:03:50,683
- Look at that.
- Okay, guys.
127
00:03:50,684 --> 00:03:52,685
Let's stop gossiping about this.
128
00:03:52,686 --> 00:03:53,819
If Colette wants to come out,
129
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:55,921
let's let her do
it in her own way.
130
00:03:55,922 --> 00:03:57,656
Richie came out during
his tumbling routine
131
00:03:57,657 --> 00:03:59,892
at the high school talent show.
132
00:03:59,893 --> 00:04:01,794
Brought down the house.
133
00:04:01,795 --> 00:04:05,097
And that is our new
40-digit Wi-Fi password.
134
00:04:05,098 --> 00:04:08,000
For security reasons,
I will never repeat it again.
135
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:10,402
- Come on, man!
- Dang, man!
136
00:04:10,403 --> 00:04:11,870
Leo, you better hold
on to your pacifier,
137
00:04:11,871 --> 00:04:13,706
because your mom is
about to transform
138
00:04:13,707 --> 00:04:16,342
into a Modern Mominista.
139
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,777
Step Number One:
Take pride in your appearance.
140
00:04:18,778 --> 00:04:20,446
Dress every day like
you're on a date
141
00:04:20,447 --> 00:04:22,281
with your special little guy.
142
00:04:22,282 --> 00:04:23,549
Dress nice?
143
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:25,184
Bitch,
you don't even need to ask.
144
00:04:25,185 --> 00:04:27,186
Two: Take advantage
of the baby's nap
145
00:04:27,187 --> 00:04:28,721
to clean the house.
146
00:04:28,722 --> 00:04:30,622
But don't use the vacuum.
That'll wake him up.
147
00:04:30,623 --> 00:04:32,558
Hand clean the floor with
all-organic products.
148
00:04:32,559 --> 00:04:34,493
Hand clean?
149
00:04:34,494 --> 00:04:35,527
I've never gotten on my knees
150
00:04:35,528 --> 00:04:37,329
and not gotten
jewelry out of it.
151
00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:40,332
[sprightly music]
152
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:44,333
153
00:04:45,138 --> 00:04:48,140
Step number one:
Take pride in your appearance.
154
00:04:48,141 --> 00:04:49,808
Dress every day like
you're on a date
155
00:04:49,809 --> 00:04:53,178
with your special little guy.
156
00:04:53,179 --> 00:04:55,481
Okay, back on track.
157
00:04:55,482 --> 00:04:56,582
What's next?
158
00:04:56,583 --> 00:04:57,850
By now, you should be back
159
00:04:57,851 --> 00:04:59,418
from your five-mile run,
and your duck
160
00:04:59,419 --> 00:05:01,020
should be ready to
come out of the oven.
161
00:05:01,021 --> 00:05:03,088
What duck? What run?
162
00:05:03,089 --> 00:05:04,223
Oh, screw you.
163
00:05:04,224 --> 00:05:05,991
[crash]
164
00:05:05,992 --> 00:05:07,159
[sighs]
165
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,162
[phone vibrates]
166
00:05:16,613 --> 00:05:17,903
[sighs]
167
00:05:17,904 --> 00:05:20,065
Ho! Ow!
168
00:05:22,827 --> 00:05:25,978
Hey, Morgan,
I need to talk to you.
169
00:05:25,979 --> 00:05:28,947
Uh, you know I'm gay, right?
170
00:05:28,948 --> 00:05:31,116
Yeah, I had a pretty good idea.
171
00:05:31,117 --> 00:05:32,418
I mean,
your Pinterest is all pictures
172
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:33,852
of steaks you wanna cook.
173
00:05:33,853 --> 00:05:35,154
I made it my homepage.
174
00:05:35,155 --> 00:05:36,422
My brother doesn't
know that I'm gay,
175
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,457
and I'm not gonna
tell him because
176
00:05:38,458 --> 00:05:40,125
the dude is old-fashioned.
177
00:05:40,126 --> 00:05:42,194
I'm talking, he's got
a bullet in his shoulder
178
00:05:42,195 --> 00:05:43,429
from a duel.
179
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,164
So you never tried to tell him?
180
00:05:45,165 --> 00:05:46,432
It's easier this way.
181
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,766
Just pretend like
it doesn't exist.
182
00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:49,601
But the problem now
is that he's trying
183
00:05:49,602 --> 00:05:51,103
to find me a wedding date.
184
00:05:51,104 --> 00:05:55,104
So... I wanted to see if you
would play my boyfriend.
185
00:05:55,975 --> 00:05:59,445
Just till this blows over,
and then that's it.
186
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:00,479
Are you asking me out?
187
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,381
Yes, but as pretend,
so don't get...
188
00:06:02,382 --> 00:06:04,683
[yells]
189
00:06:04,684 --> 00:06:06,351
- This is my first ask-out.
- Really?
190
00:06:06,352 --> 00:06:08,253
Congratulations,
because you got yourself
191
00:06:08,254 --> 00:06:09,488
a boyfriend!
192
00:06:09,489 --> 00:06:11,890
All right, yes!
193
00:06:11,891 --> 00:06:13,592
No!
194
00:06:13,593 --> 00:06:15,727
After a long day of
being a Modern Mominista,
195
00:06:15,728 --> 00:06:18,964
there's no better reward
than your hubby's appreciation.
196
00:06:18,965 --> 00:06:20,566
Welcome,
my beautiful breadwinner.
197
00:06:20,567 --> 00:06:22,734
Hey. Wow.
198
00:06:22,735 --> 00:06:23,902
Place looks great.
199
00:06:23,903 --> 00:06:25,637
- Doesn't it?
- Yeah.
200
00:06:25,638 --> 00:06:27,206
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
201
00:06:27,207 --> 00:06:29,475
Let me, my prince.
202
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:30,843
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
203
00:06:30,844 --> 00:06:33,479
Baby's asleep,
the house has been
204
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,014
spotlessly cleaned with
useless organic products,
205
00:06:36,015 --> 00:06:37,950
and for dinner,
206
00:06:37,951 --> 00:06:41,954
the American classic:
Grilled cheese and tomato soup.
207
00:06:41,955 --> 00:06:43,655
Wow, that sounds great, babe.
208
00:06:43,656 --> 00:06:44,790
- Bon appetite.
- Thank you.
209
00:06:44,791 --> 00:06:46,325
["Worth It" by Fifth Harmony]
210
00:06:46,326 --> 00:06:48,260
Give it to me,
I'm worth it
211
00:06:48,261 --> 00:06:49,695
Baby I'm worth it
212
00:06:49,696 --> 00:06:50,829
Whoa, babe!
213
00:06:50,830 --> 00:06:51,830
Uh-huh I'm worth it
214
00:06:51,831 --> 00:06:53,098
That's great. Thank you.
215
00:06:53,099 --> 00:06:54,099
Gimme gimme I'm worth it
216
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:55,367
See you later. [door closes]
217
00:06:55,368 --> 00:06:58,170
Give it to me
I'm worth it
218
00:06:58,171 --> 00:07:00,239
Baby I'm worth it
219
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,307
Uh-huh I'm worth it
220
00:07:02,308 --> 00:07:05,344
Gimme gimme I'm worth it
221
00:07:05,345 --> 00:07:08,280
Uh-huh,
see me in the spotlight
222
00:07:08,281 --> 00:07:10,349
Ooh, I love your style
223
00:07:10,350 --> 00:07:12,184
Uh-huh,
show me what you got
224
00:07:12,185 --> 00:07:15,154
'Cause I don't
wanna waste my time
225
00:07:15,155 --> 00:07:17,122
Uh-huh see me
in the spotlight
226
00:07:17,123 --> 00:07:19,892
Ooh I love your style
227
00:07:19,893 --> 00:07:22,194
Uh-huh show me
what you got now
228
00:07:22,195 --> 00:07:23,962
Come and make it
worth my while
229
00:07:23,963 --> 00:07:25,230
Give it to me,
I'm worth it
230
00:07:25,231 --> 00:07:26,565
- [gasps]
- [cries]
231
00:07:26,566 --> 00:07:28,200
Baby I'm worth it
232
00:07:28,201 --> 00:07:30,035
- Oh, you, come here.
-
Uh-huh I'm worth it
233
00:07:30,036 --> 00:07:31,370
- [laughs]
- Ow... oh.
234
00:07:31,371 --> 00:07:32,404
Gimme gimme I'm worth it
235
00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:33,672
Oh. Mm.
236
00:07:33,673 --> 00:07:35,440
Give it to me
I'm worth it
237
00:07:35,441 --> 00:07:38,544
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, sweetie.
238
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,445
Dinner's ready, and I made us
239
00:07:40,446 --> 00:07:43,815
something very special for TGIF:
240
00:07:43,816 --> 00:07:47,452
Queso panini
and my take on hot gazpacho.
241
00:07:47,453 --> 00:07:49,488
Grilled cheese and tomato soup.
242
00:07:49,489 --> 00:07:51,356
I mean,
I guess you could call it that.
243
00:07:51,357 --> 00:07:53,225
Oh, thanks, but you know what?
244
00:07:53,226 --> 00:07:55,027
I, uh, I picked up something
245
00:07:55,028 --> 00:07:57,596
on the way home,
so I'm all good.
246
00:07:57,597 --> 00:07:59,398
Is there something wrong
with my home-cooked meal?
247
00:07:59,399 --> 00:08:01,099
No, absolutely not.
No, it's just that
248
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,402
you mastered grilled cheese.
249
00:08:03,403 --> 00:08:05,604
Maybe it's time to, you know,
250
00:08:05,605 --> 00:08:07,172
try cooking something else?
251
00:08:07,173 --> 00:08:10,175
Sure, yeah,
I'll just take cooking classes
252
00:08:10,176 --> 00:08:13,011
at the Manhattan Institute
for Women with Infinite Time!
253
00:08:13,012 --> 00:08:15,647
Okay, just... just
forget I said that.
254
00:08:15,648 --> 00:08:17,249
Uh, why don't you cool off,
255
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:19,651
and while you do that,
I'll hit the gym.
256
00:08:19,652 --> 00:08:20,953
You know what?
257
00:08:20,954 --> 00:08:22,387
Why don't you stay here
and look after Leo,
258
00:08:22,388 --> 00:08:23,455
and I go out for a while?
259
00:08:23,456 --> 00:08:24,590
I haven't been outside
260
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:25,591
since I took
our trash to the river.
261
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,259
I just... I was hoping to
262
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:29,194
take a break, I mean...
263
00:08:29,195 --> 00:08:30,362
I worked all day.
264
00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:31,863
Yeah, I also worked all day,
265
00:08:31,864 --> 00:08:32,898
and I would also love a break.
266
00:08:32,899 --> 00:08:35,000
But your job's fun.
267
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:36,268
I'm jealous,
you get to hang out all day
268
00:08:36,269 --> 00:08:38,403
with the coolest
little guy around.
269
00:08:38,404 --> 00:08:40,339
- Hang out all day?
- Yeah.
270
00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:42,741
You think this is a vacation?
271
00:08:42,742 --> 00:08:46,245
You think I'm laying on the
beach tits-deep in a margarita?
272
00:08:46,246 --> 00:08:47,312
If you think this is so easy,
Danny,
273
00:08:47,313 --> 00:08:48,413
then why don't you try it?
274
00:08:48,414 --> 00:08:49,414
You would die.
275
00:08:49,415 --> 00:08:50,782
I don't think so.
276
00:08:50,783 --> 00:08:52,084
I think I'd be
pretty good at it.
277
00:08:52,085 --> 00:08:53,418
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
278
00:08:53,419 --> 00:08:54,853
Well then, you got a deal, bud.
279
00:08:54,854 --> 00:08:56,221
On Monday, I'm gonna go to work,
280
00:08:56,222 --> 00:08:57,256
and you can stay at home.
281
00:08:57,257 --> 00:08:58,724
Great, sounds like a lot of fun.
282
00:08:58,725 --> 00:09:00,459
You can call me
"Stay-at-home Dan."
283
00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:02,661
I will,
because it sounds pretty stupid.
284
00:09:02,662 --> 00:09:03,695
Now, if you'll excuse me,
285
00:09:03,696 --> 00:09:04,930
I'm going to go to the gym
286
00:09:04,931 --> 00:09:07,032
while you take care of our son.
287
00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:08,834
Good.
288
00:09:08,835 --> 00:09:10,275
Damn it,
now I have to go to the gym.
289
00:09:15,508 --> 00:09:18,043
Okay, stay-at-home daddy,
I am off to work.
290
00:09:18,044 --> 00:09:20,145
So, where's my break...
291
00:09:20,146 --> 00:09:22,581
fast.
292
00:09:22,582 --> 00:09:25,585
French toast, Mon amour?
293
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,355
Damn it,
this is restaurant-quality.
294
00:09:30,356 --> 00:09:32,057
You know, it helps if
the brioche is fresh,
295
00:09:32,058 --> 00:09:35,193
so I stopped at the bakery
on the way back from my run.
296
00:09:35,194 --> 00:09:36,395
You already went on a run?
297
00:09:36,396 --> 00:09:37,596
Yeah, you were half-asleep.
298
00:09:37,597 --> 00:09:39,231
You mumbled something
about Taylor Swift,
299
00:09:39,232 --> 00:09:41,199
and then you rolled
over and farted.
300
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,102
Your poached eggs should be
ready in three, two, one...
301
00:09:44,103 --> 00:09:45,337
[timer dings]
302
00:09:45,338 --> 00:09:47,373
There we go.
303
00:09:52,211 --> 00:09:55,013
Congratulations, everyone.
Your prayers have been answered,
304
00:09:55,014 --> 00:09:57,549
because Mindy Lahiri... ow!
305
00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:58,850
What the hell, dude?
306
00:09:58,851 --> 00:10:00,852
I am so sorry.
It just... it's...
307
00:10:00,853 --> 00:10:02,921
it's lunchtime pigskin.
Lunchtime pigskin.
308
00:10:02,922 --> 00:10:04,623
- Gosh!
- Sorry.
309
00:10:04,624 --> 00:10:05,891
Morgan and I were
just practicing
310
00:10:05,892 --> 00:10:07,426
for our family's weekend
touch football game.
311
00:10:07,427 --> 00:10:09,061
- Ho!
- Huh?
312
00:10:09,062 --> 00:10:11,496
Why would you be
invited to that?
313
00:10:11,497 --> 00:10:14,099
No, you're not hunting
him for sport, are you?
314
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,568
No, we don't do that anymore.
315
00:10:16,569 --> 00:10:17,836
- Ah.
- Morgan's invited
316
00:10:17,837 --> 00:10:19,604
because he's Colette's
new boyfriend.
317
00:10:19,605 --> 00:10:21,139
- What?
- Oh, yeah.
318
00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:23,041
There's my girl. What?
319
00:10:23,042 --> 00:10:24,810
Get this: Everyone's calling us
320
00:10:24,811 --> 00:10:26,611
Colorgan, which I hate.
321
00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:27,713
Guys, please.
322
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,716
Yes, I love men,
323
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,984
I love being in
this relationship.
324
00:10:32,985 --> 00:10:34,019
Mm.
325
00:10:34,020 --> 00:10:36,221
What a hot and natural couple.
326
00:10:36,222 --> 00:10:38,123
Isn't it?
Morgan is a fine young man.
327
00:10:38,124 --> 00:10:39,291
We're going golfing later.
328
00:10:39,292 --> 00:10:41,026
Uh, by golf,
you mean the Frisbee variety?
329
00:10:41,027 --> 00:10:43,762
[laughs] Morgan,
you are a panic.
330
00:10:43,763 --> 00:10:45,197
- I love it.
- I know.
331
00:10:45,198 --> 00:10:46,698
- Oh!
- Catch!
332
00:10:46,699 --> 00:10:49,034
- Come on, shnookums.
- That's my boyfriend.
333
00:10:49,035 --> 00:10:51,370
Now excuse me,
but would you mind if I ask:
334
00:10:51,371 --> 00:10:53,038
What are you doing back here?
335
00:10:53,039 --> 00:10:54,439
- What am I doing here?
- Yeah.
336
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,807
That's like asking
Rihanna what she's doing
337
00:10:55,808 --> 00:10:56,842
at the Met Ball.
338
00:10:56,843 --> 00:10:57,976
I'm the queen of this ish.
339
00:10:57,977 --> 00:11:00,145
But, if you must know,
340
00:11:00,146 --> 00:11:01,480
Danny's taking care of our baby
341
00:11:01,481 --> 00:11:03,715
and I am covering his workload.
342
00:11:03,716 --> 00:11:05,317
So the hysterectomy I was
going to do with Danny,
343
00:11:05,318 --> 00:11:06,318
now I'm doing it with you?
344
00:11:06,319 --> 00:11:07,652
Yeah, man. Yeah.
345
00:11:07,653 --> 00:11:09,020
You bet your sweet ass you are.
346
00:11:09,021 --> 00:11:10,188
And we're gonna listen
to my playlist, so I hope
347
00:11:10,189 --> 00:11:12,457
you like "Monster Mash"
and Tracy Chapman.
348
00:11:12,458 --> 00:11:13,992
God!
349
00:11:13,993 --> 00:11:16,361
I'm so sorry!
350
00:11:16,362 --> 00:11:18,897
Well, Leo,
today is gonna be easy as pie.
351
00:11:18,898 --> 00:11:20,900
Speaking of which...
352
00:11:22,869 --> 00:11:24,870
Yeah.
353
00:11:24,871 --> 00:11:26,638
- Yeah, looks good, right?
- [whines]
354
00:11:26,639 --> 00:11:29,040
Okay, let me cross
that off the to-do-list.
355
00:11:29,041 --> 00:11:31,309
"Bake apple pie." We're
right on schedule.
356
00:11:31,310 --> 00:11:33,078
Go to the pediatrician early,
we'll still have time
357
00:11:33,079 --> 00:11:34,913
to work on
our Italian flashcards.
358
00:11:34,914 --> 00:11:36,782
What's next?
Cable guy's five minutes late.
359
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:37,849
That's okay, right?
360
00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:39,718
That's why
we schedule wiggle room.
361
00:11:39,719 --> 00:11:41,586
- [moans]
- Oh... whoop!
362
00:11:41,587 --> 00:11:44,589
Rattle down. I'll get it.
363
00:11:44,590 --> 00:11:46,992
Oh, damn it. Um...
364
00:11:46,993 --> 00:11:49,961
Okay, that's okay. No worries.
365
00:11:49,962 --> 00:11:53,498
That's why you always
bake a second pie.
366
00:11:53,499 --> 00:11:55,267
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
367
00:11:55,268 --> 00:11:56,735
What the hell are you
doing with Colette?
368
00:11:56,736 --> 00:11:58,136
We're dating and we're in love.
369
00:11:58,137 --> 00:12:00,005
Okay. That's obviously not true.
370
00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:02,674
Morgan, you cannot turn
gay people straight.
371
00:12:02,675 --> 00:12:03,842
I know, I know. Listen, listen.
372
00:12:03,843 --> 00:12:05,644
Okay, Colette asked
me to be the beard
373
00:12:05,645 --> 00:12:06,845
at her grandfather's wedding,
374
00:12:06,846 --> 00:12:08,713
but now Dr. K is
treating me like family.
375
00:12:08,714 --> 00:12:10,282
He took me on his boat.
376
00:12:10,283 --> 00:12:12,284
No one has ever done
that and brought me back.
377
00:12:12,285 --> 00:12:14,186
You cannot keep a Southern
family's gay secret
378
00:12:14,187 --> 00:12:15,420
for personal gain.
379
00:12:15,421 --> 00:12:17,689
What are you,
in a Tennessee Williams play?
380
00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,324
Whoa, am I smart?
381
00:12:19,325 --> 00:12:20,892
You shouldn't help Colette lie.
382
00:12:20,893 --> 00:12:23,361
And this is coming from
someone who loves to lie.
383
00:12:23,362 --> 00:12:24,563
I need more time.
384
00:12:24,564 --> 00:12:25,630
Jody's teaching me how
to play the spoons.
385
00:12:25,631 --> 00:12:27,232
Look at this. Ready?
386
00:12:27,233 --> 00:12:28,867
Got a little
woman in Tu...
387
00:12:28,868 --> 00:12:30,068
[clatters]
388
00:12:30,069 --> 00:12:31,970
It happens seven or eight
times a day, and frankly,
389
00:12:31,971 --> 00:12:33,138
I'm getting sick of it.
390
00:12:33,139 --> 00:12:34,139
Attention, y'all.
391
00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:35,474
This message is for Morgan.
392
00:12:35,475 --> 00:12:37,242
I'm not gonna finish
my chicken pot pie.
393
00:12:37,243 --> 00:12:38,577
Please make
your way to the kitchen
394
00:12:38,578 --> 00:12:40,345
if you would like some
leftover gravy and peas.
395
00:12:40,346 --> 00:12:42,781
Did you hear that?
It's my favorite food: Scraps!
396
00:12:42,782 --> 00:12:43,882
I need this. Please.
397
00:12:43,883 --> 00:12:45,684
- Okay.
- Great.
398
00:12:45,685 --> 00:12:47,419
Please refrain from
using the intercom
399
00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:49,921
for announcements
about chicken pot pie.
400
00:12:49,922 --> 00:12:51,490
My son's late for
a doctor's appointment,
401
00:12:51,491 --> 00:12:54,092
so how long's it gonna be?
402
00:12:54,093 --> 00:12:55,193
What? What do you mean,
403
00:12:55,194 --> 00:12:56,761
"What's a guy doing
home at 2:00 p.m.?"
404
00:12:56,762 --> 00:12:57,963
I'll tell you what
I'm doing home,
405
00:12:57,964 --> 00:12:58,964
I'm a stay-at-home dad.
406
00:12:58,965 --> 00:13:01,466
That's okay now.
407
00:13:01,467 --> 00:13:02,734
No, you're getting heated!
408
00:13:02,735 --> 00:13:03,735
[line clicks]
409
00:13:03,736 --> 00:13:05,203
Oh, he hung up on me.
410
00:13:05,204 --> 00:13:07,239
Cable company hung up on me.
411
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,307
Aah. Aah!
412
00:13:09,308 --> 00:13:11,744
Ow, God! God damn it!
413
00:13:14,347 --> 00:13:15,680
[sighs] Okay.
414
00:13:15,681 --> 00:13:16,982
[phone vibrates]
415
00:13:16,983 --> 00:13:18,517
Okay.
416
00:13:18,518 --> 00:13:19,852
Oh, it's Mommy.
417
00:13:23,489 --> 00:13:25,525
Okay, okay.
418
00:13:28,528 --> 00:13:29,728
[sighs]
419
00:13:29,729 --> 00:13:31,196
["Monster Mash" by
Bobby "Boris" Pickett]
420
00:13:31,197 --> 00:13:33,064
I was working in
the lab late one night
421
00:13:33,065 --> 00:13:36,735
When my eyes beheld
an eerie sight
422
00:13:36,736 --> 00:13:39,838
For my monster, from
his slab began to rise
423
00:13:39,839 --> 00:13:42,107
That was a great surgery.
424
00:13:42,108 --> 00:13:44,409
I forgot how much
I like slicing open women.
425
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:45,810
Thank God I became a doctor.
426
00:13:45,811 --> 00:13:49,615
After that,
I think we deserve a treat.
427
00:13:50,650 --> 00:13:53,118
Whoa. The flask?
428
00:13:53,119 --> 00:13:55,520
Mine was confiscated at
the American Girl store.
429
00:13:55,521 --> 00:13:56,555
What is this? Mike's Hard?
430
00:13:56,556 --> 00:13:58,290
Oh, that's craft whiskey.
431
00:13:58,291 --> 00:13:59,558
The field of rye was fertilized
432
00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:01,927
only by the leavings of
Kentucky Derby winners.
433
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:04,462
So fancy and gross.
434
00:14:04,463 --> 00:14:05,830
What are we drinking to?
435
00:14:05,831 --> 00:14:09,234
How about your last day of work?
436
00:14:09,235 --> 00:14:11,269
I can't believe I'm saying this.
437
00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:12,737
I'm sorry you won't
be there tomorrow
438
00:14:12,738 --> 00:14:14,673
to assist in
my triplet delivery.
439
00:14:14,674 --> 00:14:17,609
Yeah. I need to be
home with my son.
440
00:14:17,610 --> 00:14:18,910
You know, Danny's right.
441
00:14:18,911 --> 00:14:20,211
A child needs his doctor mother
442
00:14:20,212 --> 00:14:21,613
to be home to clean the floors
443
00:14:21,614 --> 00:14:23,582
and to prepare
the father gourmet food.
444
00:14:23,583 --> 00:14:25,016
And that's what
I want to be doing.
445
00:14:25,017 --> 00:14:26,051
So...
446
00:14:26,052 --> 00:14:27,886
Sounds like you
need another sip.
447
00:14:27,887 --> 00:14:29,421
Uh, no?
448
00:14:29,422 --> 00:14:30,822
You already drank it all.
449
00:14:30,823 --> 00:14:31,958
Yeah.
450
00:14:33,593 --> 00:14:34,759
[knock on door]
451
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:35,860
Come in.
452
00:14:35,861 --> 00:14:37,062
Oh, good, you're still here.
453
00:14:37,063 --> 00:14:38,096
I thought you were gone.
454
00:14:38,097 --> 00:14:39,431
No, no, no, no, I'm still here.
455
00:14:39,432 --> 00:14:40,966
Still working mom
till the end of the day.
456
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,767
Good, because I need
something feminine
457
00:14:42,768 --> 00:14:44,369
to wear to my grandpa's wedding.
458
00:14:44,370 --> 00:14:46,972
This is the only dress I own.
459
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,873
It was from my first communion.
460
00:14:48,874 --> 00:14:50,575
Colette, we need to talk.
461
00:14:50,576 --> 00:14:51,876
Sit down.
462
00:14:51,877 --> 00:14:53,812
You have to tell
your brother the truth.
463
00:14:53,813 --> 00:14:55,347
If you are not living
your authentic self,
464
00:14:55,348 --> 00:14:56,982
what even was
the point of "Glee?"
465
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,450
Well, the problem's Jody.
466
00:14:58,451 --> 00:15:00,118
I just... I love him so much,
467
00:15:00,119 --> 00:15:02,287
I... I want to be
the... the girly-girl
468
00:15:02,288 --> 00:15:04,155
he's always wanted me to be.
469
00:15:04,156 --> 00:15:05,991
Even if that means
I have to lie.
470
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,092
Forever.
471
00:15:07,093 --> 00:15:08,093
You shouldn't hide who you are
472
00:15:08,094 --> 00:15:10,296
from someone you love.
473
00:15:12,498 --> 00:15:14,332
Oh, my God.
474
00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:15,900
I'm in the closet too.
475
00:15:15,901 --> 00:15:17,769
Definitely not. Like, hard no.
476
00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:19,504
Not even close.
477
00:15:19,505 --> 00:15:22,474
Yes, but I'm keeping a secret
from a man that I love.
478
00:15:22,475 --> 00:15:23,808
I'll tell you a secret.
479
00:15:23,809 --> 00:15:25,644
I don't wanna be
a stay-at-home mom.
480
00:15:25,645 --> 00:15:26,845
I want to come to work.
481
00:15:26,846 --> 00:15:28,513
I just... I don't know
how to tell Danny.
482
00:15:28,514 --> 00:15:31,050
Well if he loves you,
he'll understand.
483
00:15:33,786 --> 00:15:36,421
I guess I gotta tell
Jody the truth too.
484
00:15:36,422 --> 00:15:39,924
I just gotta find a way
to tell him delicately.
485
00:15:39,925 --> 00:15:41,526
Hey, boo.
486
00:15:41,527 --> 00:15:43,395
Jody is starting
to get suspicious,
487
00:15:43,396 --> 00:15:45,196
so you and I have to
start openly kissing,
488
00:15:45,197 --> 00:15:46,398
and maybe get a little grab-sy.
489
00:15:46,399 --> 00:15:48,033
Oh, God, no! No!
490
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:49,134
Ugh!
491
00:15:49,135 --> 00:15:51,036
[grunts] God.
492
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,405
Hey, everybody. It's Colette.
493
00:15:53,406 --> 00:15:54,806
I'm a lesbian.
494
00:15:54,807 --> 00:15:56,508
Over and out.
495
00:15:56,509 --> 00:15:57,509
I'm proud of you.
496
00:15:57,510 --> 00:15:59,077
I feel so good!
497
00:15:59,078 --> 00:16:01,112
Colette!
498
00:16:01,113 --> 00:16:04,116
No!
499
00:16:09,989 --> 00:16:12,557
Colette,
you're not really gay, are you?
500
00:16:12,558 --> 00:16:14,125
I mean, this is just another
one of your funny pranks, right?
501
00:16:14,126 --> 00:16:15,660
Like when you kissed
that girl in your class,
502
00:16:15,661 --> 00:16:17,962
or asked that girl to prom?
503
00:16:17,963 --> 00:16:19,864
Oh, dear.
504
00:16:19,865 --> 00:16:21,266
It's not a prank, Jody.
505
00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:22,967
Listen, she's not gay.
Relax, okay?
506
00:16:22,968 --> 00:16:25,103
This is just a ruse
so I will propose to her,
507
00:16:25,104 --> 00:16:26,171
and it's working.
Colette, I love you.
508
00:16:26,172 --> 00:16:27,472
- No, I... yeah...
- I just need a minute.
509
00:16:27,473 --> 00:16:28,673
This is all so shocking.
510
00:16:28,674 --> 00:16:29,808
Really?
511
00:16:29,809 --> 00:16:31,176
Every Halloween
I went as John Elway.
512
00:16:31,177 --> 00:16:32,744
It's not that you're gay.
513
00:16:32,745 --> 00:16:34,212
I've known plenty of gays.
514
00:16:34,213 --> 00:16:35,513
Heck, half the guys
in boarding school
515
00:16:35,514 --> 00:16:36,881
were messing around
with each other.
516
00:16:36,882 --> 00:16:38,616
Amen, sister.
517
00:16:38,617 --> 00:16:39,851
Wait, then why are you so upset?
518
00:16:39,852 --> 00:16:41,653
Because I love you, Colette,
519
00:16:41,654 --> 00:16:43,755
and now your life isn't gonna
be the one I pictured for you,
520
00:16:43,756 --> 00:16:45,090
and neither will mine.
521
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,458
I mean, now I'll never
have a brother-in-law.
522
00:16:46,459 --> 00:16:47,992
We were gonna grill together,
523
00:16:47,993 --> 00:16:49,060
complain about our wives.
524
00:16:49,061 --> 00:16:51,696
Jody, don't you get it?
525
00:16:51,697 --> 00:16:53,798
I'm gonna be
that brother-in-law.
526
00:16:53,799 --> 00:16:54,966
What do you mean?
527
00:16:54,967 --> 00:16:56,468
I like dumb blondes
just like you do.
528
00:16:56,469 --> 00:16:58,536
I mean, we're both gonna
marry hot trophy wives
529
00:16:58,537 --> 00:16:59,838
who love to shop.
530
00:16:59,839 --> 00:17:00,939
[whispers] With
really big breasts.
531
00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:02,173
The biggest.
532
00:17:02,174 --> 00:17:03,508
This coming out is
getting less touching.
533
00:17:03,509 --> 00:17:05,210
And who do you think's
gonna sit on the bench
534
00:17:05,211 --> 00:17:07,145
at the mall,
holding their purses?
535
00:17:07,146 --> 00:17:08,980
- Me and you.
- Damn right!
536
00:17:08,981 --> 00:17:11,449
- Come here.
- Oh!
537
00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:14,886
- [sighs]
- Okay, okay.
538
00:17:14,887 --> 00:17:16,988
Thanks, Dr. Lahiri,
for the advice.
539
00:17:16,989 --> 00:17:20,024
I'm really glad
I said how I feel.
540
00:17:20,025 --> 00:17:22,594
I don't care if you're gay,
or straight,
541
00:17:22,595 --> 00:17:24,996
or trans.
542
00:17:24,997 --> 00:17:25,997
I'm in love with you,
and all that matters
543
00:17:25,998 --> 00:17:27,499
is that you are my girlfriend.
544
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,300
- No.
- Coulda been the best.
545
00:17:29,301 --> 00:17:30,969
- Don't.
- You coulda had the best.
546
00:17:30,970 --> 00:17:32,437
Hey, sweetheart.
547
00:17:32,438 --> 00:17:35,608
Don't worry,
I had a hard first day too.
548
00:17:37,109 --> 00:17:39,277
Hey, babe.
549
00:17:39,278 --> 00:17:41,012
Oh, my God, are you painting?
550
00:17:41,013 --> 00:17:43,481
Yeah, it's just watercolors.
551
00:17:43,482 --> 00:17:46,151
Relaxes me.
552
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,652
This place looks amazing.
553
00:17:47,653 --> 00:17:49,187
Oh, I don't know if
it looks amazing.
554
00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:51,156
I mean, I almost didn't
get to wax the floor
555
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:52,924
because I was glazing the duck.
556
00:17:52,925 --> 00:17:56,261
Somehow, miraculously,
I managed to do both.
557
00:17:56,262 --> 00:17:57,328
You did both.
558
00:17:57,329 --> 00:17:58,664
Hey, have a seat.
559
00:18:02,401 --> 00:18:04,736
Now I'm gonna wash up,
and we'll say grace, okay?
560
00:18:04,737 --> 00:18:06,272
Okay.
561
00:18:10,409 --> 00:18:13,444
Hey, Leo. We need to talk.
562
00:18:13,445 --> 00:18:15,914
Thing is, genetically speaking,
563
00:18:15,915 --> 00:18:18,483
you're half your dad
and half me,
564
00:18:18,484 --> 00:18:21,019
which is mostly a good thing.
565
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:22,987
Probably inherit your dad's hair
566
00:18:22,988 --> 00:18:25,356
and my ability to
remember sleights.
567
00:18:25,357 --> 00:18:27,358
And I really hope you
inherit your dad's ability
568
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,428
to be great at
everything he tries.
569
00:18:30,429 --> 00:18:32,463
But you might be like me,
570
00:18:32,464 --> 00:18:35,333
and I'm only great at one thing:
571
00:18:35,334 --> 00:18:37,168
My job.
572
00:18:37,169 --> 00:18:39,404
God, you shoulda seen
me in the surgery today.
573
00:18:39,405 --> 00:18:41,639
Even Karen the anesthesiologist
gave me a high-five,
574
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,342
and I've told you
what a bitch she is.
575
00:18:44,343 --> 00:18:48,343
I just want you to be
proud of me, baby...
576
00:18:48,981 --> 00:18:51,249
which is why I have
to go back to work.
577
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:55,254
I just don't know how
to tell your dad yet.
578
00:18:58,991 --> 00:19:00,825
Wait a second.
579
00:19:00,826 --> 00:19:03,628
That's a hotel-quality
bed corner.
580
00:19:03,629 --> 00:19:05,463
[dramatic music]
581
00:19:05,464 --> 00:19:08,266
It's so tidy in there!
582
00:19:08,267 --> 00:19:09,367
Ah, thanks.
583
00:19:09,368 --> 00:19:11,870
Well, you know,
what I like the most
584
00:19:11,871 --> 00:19:13,671
was this towel swan.
585
00:19:13,672 --> 00:19:15,607
- What?
- This towel swan that you made.
586
00:19:15,608 --> 00:19:17,175
The swan I made out of a towel.
587
00:19:17,176 --> 00:19:19,811
It's funny, because
I remember you telling me
588
00:19:19,812 --> 00:19:22,714
that origami was disrespectful
to Pearl Harbor vets.
589
00:19:22,715 --> 00:19:24,816
Oh, no, no, no, I changed
my mind on that whole theory.
590
00:19:24,817 --> 00:19:26,551
Well, since I'm gonna
be home tomorrow,
591
00:19:26,552 --> 00:19:29,921
thought maybe you could,
uh... show me how you did it.
592
00:19:29,922 --> 00:19:31,689
- The towel swan?
- Yeah.
593
00:19:31,690 --> 00:19:34,492
See, that's... oh, yes.
594
00:19:34,493 --> 00:19:37,195
Once over there...
And then we, uh...
595
00:19:37,196 --> 00:19:38,396
- Hmm.
- These towels are a little
596
00:19:38,397 --> 00:19:40,932
starchy right now, but, uh...
597
00:19:40,933 --> 00:19:43,668
No, that doesn't
look like a swan.
598
00:19:43,669 --> 00:19:46,971
Cross over, and then we, uh...
599
00:19:46,972 --> 00:19:49,574
- What's that?
- The gun in "The Godfather."
600
00:19:49,575 --> 00:19:50,942
That sucks. Give that to me.
601
00:19:50,943 --> 00:19:52,277
Here. Okay.
602
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,078
- I cannot believe you.
- What?
603
00:19:54,079 --> 00:19:55,780
You brought
your mother in as a ringer
604
00:19:55,781 --> 00:19:56,781
to make me look bad.
605
00:19:56,782 --> 00:19:58,483
Fine. I had help, okay?
606
00:19:58,484 --> 00:19:59,651
But it wasn't to
make you look bad.
607
00:19:59,652 --> 00:20:02,053
It was...
608
00:20:02,054 --> 00:20:03,621
it was because you were right.
609
00:20:03,622 --> 00:20:05,723
My schedule was in
shreds by 12:00.
610
00:20:05,724 --> 00:20:08,159
I called Ma crying. Okay?
611
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,295
I couldn't do it.
612
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:11,596
It's hard.
613
00:20:11,597 --> 00:20:13,298
It's really hard.
614
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,767
I wasn't lying,
like my allergy to vegetables.
615
00:20:15,768 --> 00:20:17,302
I don't know how you do it.
616
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:20,271
I changed my shirt,
like, four times.
617
00:20:20,272 --> 00:20:22,140
He just... he saw a new
shirt come, he was like...
618
00:20:22,141 --> 00:20:24,008
- Blech.
- Yeah, big challenge.
619
00:20:24,009 --> 00:20:26,611
Did he do that thing
where he's clearly crying
620
00:20:26,612 --> 00:20:29,048
but there's no sound coming out,
he's like...
621
00:20:30,282 --> 00:20:31,749
Yeah, that's exactly
what he does.
622
00:20:31,750 --> 00:20:33,384
By the way,
we're switching to those diapers
623
00:20:33,385 --> 00:20:34,652
that are bad for
the environment.
624
00:20:34,653 --> 00:20:36,821
I've already been using them,
actually.
625
00:20:36,822 --> 00:20:38,556
I keep them in
the ceiling with my candy.
626
00:20:38,557 --> 00:20:40,158
I'm a lucky guy.
627
00:20:40,159 --> 00:20:41,592
I'm with someone
that actually wants
628
00:20:41,593 --> 00:20:43,861
to do this every day.
629
00:20:43,862 --> 00:20:45,797
I have to talk to
you about something.
630
00:20:45,798 --> 00:20:46,965
What's up?
631
00:20:46,966 --> 00:20:48,266
I haven't been...
632
00:20:48,267 --> 00:20:51,035
[phone rings] Sorry, hold on one sec.
633
00:20:51,036 --> 00:20:53,938
Hey, Little Danny,
how's my favorite half-sister?
634
00:20:53,939 --> 00:20:56,674
What's up on the Worst Coast?
635
00:20:56,675 --> 00:20:59,277
You don't need to cry.
I'm only joking around with you.
636
00:20:59,278 --> 00:21:01,046
California's not...
637
00:21:02,748 --> 00:21:04,016
Wait, what?
638
00:21:06,552 --> 00:21:09,521
My dad had a heart attack.
639
00:21:11,275 --> 00:21:12,623
Okay, Little Danny, well,
I'm gonna... I'm gonna
640
00:21:12,624 --> 00:21:14,425
get out there as soon as I can.
641
00:21:14,426 --> 00:21:16,661
Just call me if
anything changes.
642
00:21:16,662 --> 00:21:18,396
Okay.
643
00:21:18,397 --> 00:21:19,665
[phone beeps]
644
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,233
Are you okay?
645
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:24,268
He's stable, but...
646
00:21:24,269 --> 00:21:26,170
Son of a bitch smoked
his whole life.
647
00:21:26,171 --> 00:21:27,872
I mean, I told him, "You can't...
648
00:21:27,873 --> 00:21:30,074
"You gotta exercise,
Dad," and he ate like crap,
649
00:21:30,075 --> 00:21:31,743
I mean, it's no surprise.
650
00:21:31,744 --> 00:21:32,810
[sighs]
651
00:21:32,811 --> 00:21:34,479
Okay. I gotta get out there.
652
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,613
I mean, I don't know
what kind of doctors
653
00:21:35,614 --> 00:21:38,483
he has out there.
654
00:21:38,484 --> 00:21:40,084
I got a delivery on Wednesday.
655
00:21:40,085 --> 00:21:41,219
What are they gonna
do in the office
656
00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:43,988
without either one of us?
657
00:21:43,989 --> 00:21:44,989
[sighs]
658
00:21:44,990 --> 00:21:46,057
Damn, what am I talking about?
659
00:21:46,058 --> 00:21:47,425
I can't go.
660
00:21:47,426 --> 00:21:49,927
I... we have a son.
I'm not... no, no, no.
661
00:21:49,928 --> 00:21:51,796
I'm... I'm... I'm not gonna go.
I gotta stay with Leo.
662
00:21:51,797 --> 00:21:53,531
It's okay, it's okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.
663
00:21:53,532 --> 00:21:54,866
I'm gonna help you pack,
and then
664
00:21:54,867 --> 00:21:55,867
you're gonna go out there
and be with your dad
665
00:21:55,868 --> 00:21:57,568
and with your sister.
666
00:21:57,569 --> 00:22:00,004
And then, I'm gonna go back
to work while you're gone,
667
00:22:00,005 --> 00:22:01,739
and your mom can
take care of Leo
668
00:22:01,740 --> 00:22:04,442
like she did today, and...
669
00:22:04,443 --> 00:22:06,444
It's gonna be okay.
670
00:22:06,445 --> 00:22:09,047
[poignant music]
671
00:22:09,048 --> 00:22:11,182
Oh, God, you're the best.
672
00:22:11,183 --> 00:22:14,052
Thank you.
673
00:22:14,053 --> 00:22:15,453
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
674
00:22:15,454 --> 00:22:17,055
It's gonna be okay, right?
675
00:22:17,056 --> 00:22:19,924
Uh... I'm gonna...
676
00:22:19,925 --> 00:22:22,026
I'm gonna call Richie.
677
00:22:22,027 --> 00:22:24,128
Thank you, babe.
678
00:22:24,129 --> 00:22:26,384
I'm actually happy
to go back to work.
679
00:22:28,375 --> 00:22:32,393
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
680
00:22:32,443 --> 00:22:36,993
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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