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1
00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,960
Why do you have to open
the door with your hanky?
2
00:00:06,060 --> 00:00:07,492
It's cold and flu season.
3
00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:10,164
(Haskell) Gentlemen, would you be so kind
4
00:00:10,264 --> 00:00:12,133
as to join me in the bedroom?
5
00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:14,168
Now, you know if we were in a movie,
6
00:00:14,268 --> 00:00:17,071
the audience would be
screaming, "Don't you do it.
7
00:00:17,171 --> 00:00:19,944
Don't you go in that bedroom."
8
00:00:20,078 --> 00:00:21,813
Don't be so melodramatic.
9
00:00:21,913 --> 00:00:24,282
You go first.
10
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,855
Hello, gentlemen.
11
00:00:29,955 --> 00:00:31,957
Haskell, what the hell are you
doing with all this money?
12
00:00:32,057 --> 00:00:33,925
Lying in it.
13
00:00:34,025 --> 00:00:35,560
Swimming in it.
14
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:36,795
Lovin' it!
15
00:00:36,895 --> 00:00:39,631
Come here, you. The
hundies are the softest.
16
00:00:39,731 --> 00:00:41,166
Oh. [laughs]
17
00:00:41,266 --> 00:00:44,069
It's horrifying, but I can't look away.
18
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,104
So, I went to the bank
19
00:00:46,204 --> 00:00:49,407
and I took out every
dollar I made on that app
20
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,943
and the other dollar that was there before.
21
00:00:52,043 --> 00:00:54,846
I am going to take pictures
and post them online
22
00:00:54,946 --> 00:00:58,884
to throw my success in the face
of everyone who doubted me:
23
00:00:58,984 --> 00:01:01,253
the teachers, the clergy, mother,
24
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:02,821
all the haters.
25
00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:05,157
Haskell, don't you think
this is all a bit petty?
26
00:01:05,257 --> 00:01:08,026
Petty? It's gauche,
vindictive, and offensive.
27
00:01:08,093 --> 00:01:09,161
Phil, do you mind?
28
00:01:09,261 --> 00:01:10,762
Oh, I don't mind at all.
Get on the bed, baby.
29
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,031
Get on that bed, baby! Yeah!
30
00:01:13,098 --> 00:01:15,100
(Phil) Yeah, flaunt that money!
31
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,636
Yeah, you rich. You're rich!
32
00:01:17,736 --> 00:01:18,904
Oh...
33
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,106
now the nudies.
34
00:01:23,575 --> 00:01:24,509
[upbeat music]
35
00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:33,460
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:01:41,326 --> 00:01:44,566
Whoo! Look who's here
checking out the talent.
37
00:01:44,681 --> 00:01:45,815
Please.
38
00:01:45,915 --> 00:01:47,617
Can't a woman come to a bar for a drink
39
00:01:47,717 --> 00:01:49,486
and a little self-reflection?
40
00:01:49,619 --> 00:01:50,887
Of course she can.
41
00:01:51,295 --> 00:01:53,364
So, hey, Holly, I'm redoing my bedroom
42
00:01:53,464 --> 00:01:56,400
and I could use your
opinion on bedside tables.
43
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,936
Do you like, um...
44
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,772
eclectic or matchy-matchy?
45
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,674
Forget it, Stuart, all
she's thinking about is
46
00:02:03,774 --> 00:02:07,144
back that ass up and let Mama smack it.
47
00:02:07,244 --> 00:02:09,680
All right, maybe it's been a little while
48
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:13,184
since I've been on the receiving
end of male companionship.
49
00:02:13,284 --> 00:02:14,885
Oh, my God, it's been so long,
50
00:02:14,986 --> 00:02:17,154
you don't even know what it's called.
51
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:19,357
Look, it's just that
everything's going so great
52
00:02:19,457 --> 00:02:21,892
in my life, but the second I like a guy,
53
00:02:21,993 --> 00:02:24,295
it all turns into drama, you know?
54
00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:25,896
It doesn't have to.
55
00:02:25,997 --> 00:02:27,498
You should just down-date.
56
00:02:27,598 --> 00:02:29,200
I have no idea what that is,
57
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,068
and yet I already find it repugnant.
58
00:02:33,337 --> 00:02:36,340
When I got divorced, I was
afraid of getting hurt,
59
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,510
so I hooked up with women who
weren't necessarily my type
60
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,746
and I didn't care if I ever saw again.
61
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,447
Well, forget it.
62
00:02:43,547 --> 00:02:45,249
Holly has way too much
class to demean herself...
63
00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:48,519
Can it, Matchy-Matchy.
64
00:02:48,619 --> 00:02:50,921
What you're saying is, I
should sleep with a guy
65
00:02:50,955 --> 00:02:54,058
I'm not interested in so
I don't get attached?
66
00:02:54,158 --> 00:02:55,426
Exactly.
67
00:02:55,526 --> 00:02:57,228
It's like driving a crappy rent-a-car.
68
00:02:57,328 --> 00:02:58,963
You don't want to be seen in it,
69
00:02:59,063 --> 00:03:00,744
but it gets you where you need to go.
70
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:03,901
Okay, I'm gonna call it.
71
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:07,138
Romance, time of death: 6:55 pm.
72
00:03:09,707 --> 00:03:10,875
All right, I'm intrigued.
73
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,643
So, how do I down-date, huh?
74
00:03:12,743 --> 00:03:14,078
Look around the bar.
75
00:03:14,178 --> 00:03:15,446
Mm-hmm.
76
00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:17,481
Do you see anything you don't like?
77
00:03:17,581 --> 00:03:19,016
Okay, let's see.
78
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,651
Oh, way too hot, huh?
79
00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:21,652
[chuckles]
80
00:03:21,752 --> 00:03:23,487
Oh, he's a heartbreaker, right?
81
00:03:23,587 --> 00:03:25,170
Oh, this is hopeless.
82
00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,259
What about that guy?
83
00:03:31,429 --> 00:03:32,897
The schlub at the bar?
84
00:03:32,930 --> 00:03:34,799
He does nothing for me.
85
00:03:34,899 --> 00:03:37,168
I'm going in.
86
00:03:40,905 --> 00:03:42,907
Hey, buy you a drink?
87
00:03:43,007 --> 00:03:44,075
You want to buy me a drink?
88
00:03:44,175 --> 00:03:46,010
- Uh-huh.
- There's a switcheroo.
89
00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:48,012
Just roll with it. Hey, two beers.
90
00:03:48,112 --> 00:03:49,747
- I'm Holly.
- Fred.
91
00:03:49,914 --> 00:03:51,016
Hmm, perfect.
92
00:03:52,683 --> 00:03:54,251
So, Fred, what you do?
93
00:03:54,352 --> 00:03:56,454
I'm assistant manager at Cell Phone Hut.
94
00:03:56,554 --> 00:03:57,755
Lovin' it.
95
00:03:57,922 --> 00:03:58,756
How about you?
96
00:03:58,923 --> 00:04:00,124
Mm, I'm a divorce attorney.
97
00:04:00,224 --> 00:04:02,326
A lot of school for that, huh?
98
00:04:02,426 --> 00:04:03,894
Yeah, a lot of school.
99
00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:05,563
Hey, so... thanks.
100
00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:07,365
Hey, Fred, so what do you
do in your spare time?
101
00:04:07,465 --> 00:04:08,666
Oh, I don't know. I watch TV.
102
00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:10,601
I eat.
103
00:04:10,701 --> 00:04:11,969
I like sandwiches.
104
00:04:12,069 --> 00:04:13,771
[gasps]
105
00:04:13,871 --> 00:04:14,939
Who doesn't?
106
00:04:15,039 --> 00:04:16,474
[chuckles]
107
00:04:16,574 --> 00:04:17,575
You know what? I'll be right back.
108
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:18,576
Just one second, okay?
109
00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:20,277
Mm-hmm.
110
00:04:21,912 --> 00:04:23,014
So?
111
00:04:23,114 --> 00:04:24,382
Well, I might have just met
112
00:04:24,482 --> 00:04:28,152
the dullest human being on the planet.
113
00:04:28,252 --> 00:04:31,188
Don't wait up.
114
00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:38,996
[snoring]
115
00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:44,402
I can't listen to that all night.
116
00:04:44,502 --> 00:04:48,706
Shove a wad of twenties in his mouth.
117
00:04:48,806 --> 00:04:51,909
Haskell, wake up. You're
drooling on your cash.
118
00:04:51,976 --> 00:04:53,611
Oh, I must have dozed off for a second.
119
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:56,013
Oh, I got to get this
money back to the bank.
120
00:04:56,113 --> 00:04:58,182
It's 10:00 at night, man.
The banks are closed.
121
00:04:58,282 --> 00:04:59,684
No! It can't be closed.
122
00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:01,252
Guess it'll have to wait till Monday.
123
00:05:01,352 --> 00:05:02,286
It can't wait.
124
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:03,688
I just told everyone I know on Facebook
125
00:05:03,854 --> 00:05:05,623
that... that I'm sitting on a pile of cash.
126
00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,191
So? They're all your friends.
127
00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:09,860
My friends are lowlifes,
con artists, and thieves.
128
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,997
One of them is actually a working pirate.
129
00:05:13,097 --> 00:05:15,032
Well, it's your fault for flaunting it.
130
00:05:15,132 --> 00:05:17,401
This is no time for the blame game!
131
00:05:17,501 --> 00:05:19,203
They're coming for my dough
132
00:05:19,303 --> 00:05:21,527
by land and sea.
133
00:05:30,270 --> 00:05:31,237
All right, Phil... [clears throat]
134
00:05:31,338 --> 00:05:32,305
For my bedroom,
135
00:05:32,405 --> 00:05:34,174
what do you think, man-to-man?
136
00:05:34,274 --> 00:05:35,875
Should I go with a reading chair
137
00:05:35,975 --> 00:05:38,411
or a fainting couch?
138
00:05:38,511 --> 00:05:40,146
[clears throat]
139
00:05:40,246 --> 00:05:41,381
I think you should think about it
140
00:05:41,481 --> 00:05:43,034
while you're sitting down to pee.
141
00:05:47,821 --> 00:05:49,089
Hey, Haskell. What's up?
142
00:05:49,189 --> 00:05:51,624
What? Who's there?
143
00:05:51,725 --> 00:05:53,059
Have you been up all night?
144
00:05:53,159 --> 00:05:55,428
How could I sleep when every
lowlife I've ever met
145
00:05:55,528 --> 00:05:56,830
is on his way to rob me?
146
00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:59,099
I'm not letting this out of my sight
147
00:05:59,199 --> 00:06:01,067
until I can get it back
to the... The place
148
00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:03,003
where you keep the money.
149
00:06:03,103 --> 00:06:04,004
You mean the bank?
150
00:06:04,104 --> 00:06:05,739
Yes, that's the word.
151
00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:09,075
I must be a little punchy.
152
00:06:09,175 --> 00:06:10,459
White roommate.
153
00:06:12,846 --> 00:06:14,381
You start calling me black roommate,
154
00:06:14,481 --> 00:06:16,449
we gonna have a problem, man.
155
00:06:16,549 --> 00:06:18,518
I gotta figure out what to do with it.
156
00:06:18,618 --> 00:06:20,653
If I stay here, I'm a sitting duck.
157
00:06:20,754 --> 00:06:23,823
If I leave, I'm a walking duck.
158
00:06:23,923 --> 00:06:25,658
Haskell, until you figure it out,
159
00:06:25,759 --> 00:06:26,793
just go get some rest, okay?
160
00:06:26,893 --> 00:06:28,294
- We'll watch the money for you.
- Yeah.
161
00:06:28,395 --> 00:06:32,065
Oh, that rolled off your
tongue awfully easy.
162
00:06:34,634 --> 00:06:35,635
You don't trust me?
163
00:06:35,735 --> 00:06:37,804
How dare you.
164
00:06:37,904 --> 00:06:39,389
I'll be waiting for an apology.
165
00:06:40,306 --> 00:06:42,542
And if you're smart, there will be candy.
166
00:06:44,532 --> 00:06:46,012
Are you happy?
167
00:06:46,112 --> 00:06:49,215
You just hurt white roommate's feelings.
168
00:06:54,087 --> 00:06:55,822
Hi, hi.
169
00:06:55,922 --> 00:06:59,059
What is with that giant bag?
170
00:06:59,159 --> 00:07:02,128
Did you have to climb up
a beanstalk to get it?
171
00:07:02,228 --> 00:07:03,930
It's cute, huh?
172
00:07:03,963 --> 00:07:05,965
A friend of mine makes them,
and I'm helping her sell them
173
00:07:06,066 --> 00:07:07,267
to make some extra money.
174
00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:08,768
Not that you don't pay me enough.
175
00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:11,601
It's just so I could go to
a movie or, you know, eat.
176
00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:15,308
So, are you trying to
guilt me into buying one?
177
00:07:15,408 --> 00:07:17,644
- No, two.
- Hmm.
178
00:07:17,744 --> 00:07:18,978
You got it.
179
00:07:19,079 --> 00:07:20,547
Wow. That was easy.
180
00:07:20,647 --> 00:07:22,215
I thought I was gonna
have to grab a step stool
181
00:07:22,315 --> 00:07:23,524
and kiss your butt.
182
00:07:24,784 --> 00:07:27,587
You happened to catch me in a
very good mood this morning.
183
00:07:27,687 --> 00:07:28,888
Wait.
184
00:07:28,955 --> 00:07:32,425
I know that coy, girlish,
I-got-me-some smile.
185
00:07:32,525 --> 00:07:34,294
[chuckles] Guilty.
186
00:07:34,394 --> 00:07:35,428
So tell me, is he cute?
187
00:07:35,528 --> 00:07:36,836
Completely average.
188
00:07:38,264 --> 00:07:40,133
But he's got a great personality, right?
189
00:07:40,233 --> 00:07:42,702
Dull as a doorknob.
190
00:07:42,802 --> 00:07:45,271
But the sex, the sex
must have been awesome.
191
00:07:45,372 --> 00:07:47,375
Perfectly adequate.
192
00:07:48,541 --> 00:07:50,310
I don't get it. Why would you...
193
00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:52,012
Oh, my gosh, you're down-dating!
194
00:07:52,112 --> 00:07:54,080
How does everyone know about this but me?
195
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:56,483
Because you're a hopeless up-dater.
196
00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:58,184
You're always going for
the handsome prince,
197
00:07:58,284 --> 00:08:00,487
when you could be getting your
freak on with the village idiot.
198
00:08:00,587 --> 00:08:02,956
I know! God, I could kick myself.
199
00:08:03,056 --> 00:08:05,058
You know what? It is so fantastic, Eden.
200
00:08:05,158 --> 00:08:08,128
And the best part is, I don't
care if I ever see Fred again,
201
00:08:08,228 --> 00:08:09,562
so there won't be any drama.
202
00:08:09,662 --> 00:08:11,297
Oh, now that is great.
203
00:08:11,398 --> 00:08:12,465
Yep.
204
00:08:12,565 --> 00:08:13,633
You mean, no, "Eden, why didn't he call?
205
00:08:13,733 --> 00:08:15,702
"What did I do wrong?
Did he lose my number?
206
00:08:15,802 --> 00:08:18,938
Who am I kidding? It's me.
It's always me! Aah!"
207
00:08:19,005 --> 00:08:21,941
Whew.
208
00:08:22,008 --> 00:08:23,610
Yeah. That's funny.
209
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:27,047
Bet it'll be a hoot in
the unemployment office.
210
00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:28,114
[cell phone chimes]
211
00:08:28,214 --> 00:08:29,749
Oh, that's your phone.
212
00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:31,551
- Oh, I know.
- Maybe it's Fred.
213
00:08:31,651 --> 00:08:33,186
Maybe it is.
214
00:08:33,286 --> 00:08:34,888
Wow.
215
00:08:34,954 --> 00:08:37,090
The old you would have
trampled me to get it.
216
00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:39,893
I know. See, that is the
beauty of down-dating, Eden.
217
00:08:39,926 --> 00:08:41,661
I just don't care.
218
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:43,663
[cell phone chimes]
219
00:08:43,763 --> 00:08:46,533
Okay, now I'm curious.
220
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,234
- It is Fred.
- Ah.
221
00:08:48,335 --> 00:08:52,072
"What ya doing? Lol."
222
00:08:52,172 --> 00:08:54,507
Why "lol"? What's funny about that?
223
00:08:54,607 --> 00:08:56,643
Nothing. He puts it after everything.
224
00:08:56,743 --> 00:08:58,495
Sometimes he even says it in person.
225
00:09:02,182 --> 00:09:03,450
- Yikes.
- Mm.
226
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:05,251
"You bus-ay tonight? Lol."
227
00:09:05,352 --> 00:09:06,252
Oh, he's annoying.
228
00:09:06,353 --> 00:09:07,587
Yeah.
229
00:09:07,687 --> 00:09:09,255
He's a total doofus.
230
00:09:09,356 --> 00:09:12,225
Tell him I'll meet him at 7:00.
231
00:09:17,973 --> 00:09:20,033
So, what do you think?
232
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:21,468
About what?
233
00:09:21,568 --> 00:09:23,813
How could you not notice?
234
00:09:25,505 --> 00:09:26,873
I'm sorry, man. That's a nice haircut.
235
00:09:26,973 --> 00:09:27,874
No.
236
00:09:27,974 --> 00:09:30,176
No, no. No, the couch.
237
00:09:30,276 --> 00:09:31,644
I bought a new couch.
238
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:32,712
Oh.
239
00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:34,014
I was at the furniture store
240
00:09:34,114 --> 00:09:35,882
checking out accent pieces for my bedroom
241
00:09:35,915 --> 00:09:37,801
when I saw this beauty, and
I couldn't stop staring.
242
00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:42,655
So you were eye-banging a sofa?
243
00:09:44,891 --> 00:09:46,363
I'm not gonna lie to you, yes.
244
00:09:48,128 --> 00:09:49,095
Have a seat. Have a seat.
245
00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:50,163
- Oh, man, why do I...
- Come on.
246
00:09:50,263 --> 00:09:51,898
Why did we have to get a new couch?
247
00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:53,900
The old one was just fine, man.
248
00:09:53,933 --> 00:09:55,268
Oh, that's nice.
249
00:09:55,368 --> 00:09:56,603
Yeah.
250
00:09:56,703 --> 00:09:57,671
[Haskell yawns]
251
00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,272
Boy, I needed that.
252
00:09:59,372 --> 00:10:02,976
It's amazing what a 12-hour
catnap will do for you.
253
00:10:03,076 --> 00:10:04,979
Ah. Ah.
254
00:10:06,613 --> 00:10:09,382
What's this?
255
00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:10,717
Where's the couch?
256
00:10:10,817 --> 00:10:12,085
What'd you do with the couch?!
257
00:10:12,185 --> 00:10:14,287
I-I bought a new one. It's nice, right?
258
00:10:14,387 --> 00:10:17,090
You idiot! My money was in that couch!
259
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:20,393
What?
260
00:10:20,493 --> 00:10:23,063
That's where I hid it. I
stuffed it in the cushions.
261
00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:26,032
Every penny I had in the
world was in that couch!
262
00:10:26,132 --> 00:10:27,434
That ain't good.
263
00:10:27,534 --> 00:10:28,868
What'd you do with it? Where'd you put it?
264
00:10:28,935 --> 00:10:30,437
Where'd you put the couch? Where is it?
265
00:10:30,537 --> 00:10:33,106
Haskell, Haskell. Hands, hands, hands.
266
00:10:33,206 --> 00:10:35,302
I will tell you when we're calm.
267
00:10:37,077 --> 00:10:38,478
All right, we're calm.
268
00:10:38,578 --> 00:10:39,779
- Calm.
- Where's the couch?
269
00:10:39,879 --> 00:10:40,914
I don't know.
270
00:10:41,014 --> 00:10:42,048
- Here come the hands.
- No!
271
00:10:42,148 --> 00:10:44,084
Come on, stop it. Come on, come on.
272
00:10:44,184 --> 00:10:46,653
Look, what I mean is,
Goodwill came to pick it up.
273
00:10:46,753 --> 00:10:48,154
I just don't know which
one they took it to.
274
00:10:48,254 --> 00:10:49,889
All right, here's what we're gonna do.
275
00:10:49,923 --> 00:10:51,424
We're gonna call them and track it down.
276
00:10:51,524 --> 00:10:53,026
How many Goodwills could there be?
277
00:10:53,126 --> 00:10:54,794
- In the metropolitan area?
- Uh-huh.
278
00:10:54,894 --> 00:10:56,134
128.
279
00:10:57,530 --> 00:10:59,432
Haskell, the journey of a thousand miles
280
00:10:59,532 --> 00:11:01,001
begins with the first step.
281
00:11:01,101 --> 00:11:02,669
It'll be home before you know it.
282
00:11:02,769 --> 00:11:04,037
- Okay.
- [chuckles]
283
00:11:04,137 --> 00:11:06,072
They're closed.
284
00:11:13,956 --> 00:11:15,424
- Hi, Eden.
- Hey.
285
00:11:15,524 --> 00:11:16,826
How are you liking the new bag?
286
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,227
I love it. [laughs]
287
00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:19,829
Although it did take me 45 minutes
288
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,851
to find my keys this morning.
289
00:11:22,998 --> 00:11:25,638
So how's it going with Fred? Lol.
290
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:29,238
Fantastic. We have zero chemistry. Hm.
291
00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:31,473
Not only do we not finish
each other's sentences,
292
00:11:31,574 --> 00:11:34,176
he barely finishes his own.
293
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:37,079
Sounds like you hit the
down-dating jackpot.
294
00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:39,114
I have to be very careful, Eden.
295
00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:42,618
He's dating at a level he never has before.
296
00:11:42,718 --> 00:11:45,387
I just... I don't want him
falling for me, you know?
297
00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:47,490
So that's why we're not
seeing each other tonight.
298
00:11:47,590 --> 00:11:49,725
I think it's best if he
has me in small doses.
299
00:11:49,825 --> 00:11:51,393
I found that works best.
300
00:11:51,494 --> 00:11:52,995
Yeah.
301
00:11:53,095 --> 00:11:54,663
Hey, what do you know? There's Fred.
302
00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:55,664
- Where?
- At the bar.
303
00:11:55,764 --> 00:11:57,221
(Eden) Oh.
304
00:11:58,334 --> 00:11:59,902
Holly, you've got yourself a winner.
305
00:12:00,002 --> 00:12:01,923
That is one unremarkable man.
306
00:12:02,771 --> 00:12:03,806
Yeah, I like to think so.
307
00:12:03,906 --> 00:12:04,974
[chuckles]
308
00:12:05,074 --> 00:12:06,242
(Holly) Huh.
309
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:08,210
(Eden) Huh, what?
310
00:12:08,377 --> 00:12:09,736
He appears to be with that woman.
311
00:12:10,713 --> 00:12:12,147
But you don't care, right?
312
00:12:12,248 --> 00:12:13,949
Of course not. Ha!
313
00:12:14,049 --> 00:12:16,118
That's the beauty of
down-dating: do not care.
314
00:12:16,218 --> 00:12:17,786
Yep. Good for you.
315
00:12:17,887 --> 00:12:19,321
Mm-hmm-hm.
316
00:12:20,022 --> 00:12:20,990
(Holly) Hmm.
317
00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:23,392
Still, it's a little odd.
318
00:12:23,425 --> 00:12:25,394
I mean, why would he be with another woman
319
00:12:25,427 --> 00:12:27,613
when I'm all he thinks and dreams about?
320
00:12:28,397 --> 00:12:29,665
Oh, well, you know, he...
321
00:12:29,765 --> 00:12:31,667
He's probably just protecting himself
322
00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:34,136
from the inevitable
heartbreak when you dump him.
323
00:12:34,236 --> 00:12:36,005
That's it. That's it right there.
324
00:12:36,105 --> 00:12:37,439
Lol, right?
325
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:38,941
Lol, baby!
326
00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:39,942
[laughter]
327
00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:41,010
It's killing you, isn't it?
328
00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:44,046
That cheating son of a bitch!
329
00:12:48,818 --> 00:12:50,553
Come on, hurry up.
330
00:12:50,653 --> 00:12:52,021
Dude, we're coming. Calm down.
331
00:12:52,121 --> 00:12:54,089
I'll calm down when I get my couch.
332
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,791
This is it, 7H.
333
00:12:55,891 --> 00:12:57,726
Stay cool, all right?
334
00:12:57,827 --> 00:12:59,094
You don't want to seem too desperate,
335
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,696
or they'll think something's up.
336
00:13:00,796 --> 00:13:02,731
Yeah, just offer them twice what
they paid, and then we're out.
337
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:05,467
Twice? Do I look like Jay Z?
338
00:13:05,568 --> 00:13:07,503
No, you do not.
339
00:13:10,139 --> 00:13:11,574
Hello, can I help you?
340
00:13:11,674 --> 00:13:13,709
So sorry to intrude. I'm Haskell.
341
00:13:13,809 --> 00:13:16,979
This is my dear friend, Phil,
and the other one is Stuart.
342
00:13:17,079 --> 00:13:19,615
We donated the couch to Goodwill.
343
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,283
Oh, come in. Come in.
344
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,085
What if they don't want to sell?
345
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:24,153
They've only had it for one night.
346
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:25,988
How attached to it could they be?
347
00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:32,394
Honey, kids, these are the wonderful people
348
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:33,829
who donated our couch.
349
00:13:33,929 --> 00:13:37,132
You gave us Big Brownie?
350
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,279
They love it so much,
they already named it.
351
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,629
I can't thank you enough.
352
00:13:42,171 --> 00:13:43,996
This couch has really brought
our family together.
353
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,642
It's made our little house a home.
354
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:49,057
Well, it does tie the room
together beautifully.
355
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,948
Things have been tough.
Between Jim getting laid off
356
00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:54,950
and my hours being reduced at the hospital,
357
00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:56,819
we could barely make ends meet.
358
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,288
Finding this couch was a godsend.
359
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:00,416
It's even a good luck charm.
360
00:14:01,023 --> 00:14:03,592
I got a job interview
today, first one in weeks.
361
00:14:03,692 --> 00:14:05,528
Oh! How about that?
362
00:14:05,628 --> 00:14:07,129
So, what can we do for you?
363
00:14:07,229 --> 00:14:08,430
I want the couch back.
364
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,599
What?
365
00:14:10,699 --> 00:14:13,969
What he means is, the couch
was donated by mistake,
366
00:14:14,069 --> 00:14:16,572
so unfortunately, we do kind
of need Big Brownie back.
367
00:14:16,672 --> 00:14:18,374
That's why I'm willing to reimburse you
368
00:14:18,474 --> 00:14:21,043
for everything you spent,
plus a sizable bonus.
369
00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:22,144
20 bucks!
370
00:14:22,244 --> 00:14:23,145
$20?
371
00:14:23,245 --> 00:14:24,380
$2,000.
372
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,549
Why would you give us $2,000 for the couch?
373
00:14:26,649 --> 00:14:28,851
Yeah. I don't know what's
going on here, guys,
374
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,520
but we bought this couch,
and we're keeping it.
375
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,762
All right, all right.
376
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,648
I'll tell you what's going on.
377
00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:37,228
I built this couch
378
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,621
with my dad.
379
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,196
We cut down a Douglas fir for the frame.
380
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,480
Tanned the leather,
381
00:14:47,937 --> 00:14:51,006
even sewed every stitch by hand.
382
00:14:51,106 --> 00:14:53,108
Get off there.
383
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:55,578
We weren't close when it started.
384
00:14:55,678 --> 00:14:57,069
But when we finished,
385
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,966
we were father and son.
386
00:15:01,077 --> 00:15:04,848
And now, this is all I have
387
00:15:04,948 --> 00:15:07,384
to remember him by.
388
00:15:07,484 --> 00:15:10,887
Everything I love in life...
389
00:15:10,987 --> 00:15:13,923
Yes... Is stuffed in that couch.
390
00:15:15,725 --> 00:15:17,260
That is so moving.
391
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,262
Yes, it is. Phil, grab an end.
392
00:15:19,362 --> 00:15:21,451
Hold it.
393
00:15:23,566 --> 00:15:25,535
I miss my dad, too.
394
00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:28,071
Bring it in!
395
00:15:28,171 --> 00:15:31,174
[mumbling indistinctly]
396
00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:33,610
[breathing heavily]
397
00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:35,278
The couch is yours.
398
00:15:35,378 --> 00:15:37,714
But we'll only accept the $80 we
paid for it, not a penny more.
399
00:15:37,814 --> 00:15:39,215
Done, done, and done.
400
00:15:39,316 --> 00:15:42,018
Here you go. [laughs]
401
00:15:42,185 --> 00:15:43,520
There... there you go. There you go!
402
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:46,423
All right, let's go, let's go, let's go.
403
00:15:46,523 --> 00:15:49,759
Mom, does Big Brownie really have to go?
404
00:15:49,859 --> 00:15:51,761
It's the right thing to do, sweetie.
405
00:15:51,861 --> 00:15:53,029
Don't worry, son.
406
00:15:53,196 --> 00:15:54,197
If this job works out,
407
00:15:54,297 --> 00:15:56,466
maybe we'll have enough
money for a new couch.
408
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:58,876
Haskell, give them something.
409
00:16:00,537 --> 00:16:01,938
Okay.
410
00:16:02,038 --> 00:16:03,573
You're right.
411
00:16:03,673 --> 00:16:05,842
Every cloud has a silver lining.
412
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,177
Haskell.
413
00:16:07,277 --> 00:16:08,345
All right!
414
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:10,155
All right. All right.
415
00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:14,150
What's this?
416
00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:16,152
Your silver lining.
417
00:16:16,252 --> 00:16:17,354
Check inside.
418
00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:19,389
All right, angle it. Angle it.
419
00:16:19,489 --> 00:16:21,191
- I am angling it.
- Watch the door.
420
00:16:21,291 --> 00:16:22,525
Watch it. Watch it. Coming around.
Coming around.
421
00:16:22,626 --> 00:16:24,561
There you go.
422
00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:27,697
- Oh, my God!
- What?
423
00:16:27,797 --> 00:16:29,399
[all yelling]
424
00:16:29,499 --> 00:16:32,035
Haskell, you did a nice thing.
425
00:16:32,168 --> 00:16:34,170
Your father is smiling
down on you from above.
426
00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:35,438
What?
427
00:16:35,538 --> 00:16:38,642
My father is a gigolo in
a rest home in Phoenix.
428
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:54,766
Hey, Fred.
429
00:16:54,866 --> 00:16:56,267
Holly, what are you doing here?
430
00:16:56,367 --> 00:16:58,269
Well, texted, called you a
few times, never heard back,
431
00:16:58,368 --> 00:17:00,604
so thought I'd do a little drop-by.
432
00:17:00,704 --> 00:17:03,674
Well, I've just been super-duper busy
433
00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:05,409
and hadn't had a chance to call.
434
00:17:05,509 --> 00:17:06,843
Oh.
435
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,680
That's odd, considering you're
surrounded by cell phones.
436
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,181
[laughs]
437
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,550
Yeah, listen, Holly, I
gotta get back to work.
438
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:15,519
A new operating system came out,
439
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,621
a lot of people are confused.
440
00:17:17,721 --> 00:17:19,456
Yeah, I'm a little confused myself.
441
00:17:19,556 --> 00:17:21,925
You know, I happened to be at the bar today
442
00:17:22,025 --> 00:17:24,468
and noticed you were with another woman.
443
00:17:24,568 --> 00:17:25,287
[clears throat]
444
00:17:25,387 --> 00:17:27,531
Oh, that was Debbie
445
00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:30,300
from Build-A-Bear.
446
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,302
Look, Holly, you know,
447
00:17:32,402 --> 00:17:34,237
much like our new Take It and Go plan,
448
00:17:34,338 --> 00:17:37,541
it's not like you and I were on
any sort of long-term contract.
449
00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:39,176
Oh.
450
00:17:39,276 --> 00:17:40,944
Of course, that makes perfect sense,
451
00:17:41,044 --> 00:17:43,213
except for the part that makes no sense.
452
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,482
Why would you be with
Debbie from Build-A-Bear
453
00:17:45,582 --> 00:17:46,783
when you have me?
454
00:17:46,883 --> 00:17:49,753
I'm a bright, attractive
partner at a top law firm.
455
00:17:49,853 --> 00:17:51,254
I'm a force to be reckoned with
456
00:17:51,355 --> 00:17:52,622
in the courtroom and, as you well know,
457
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:54,086
in the bedroom.
458
00:17:55,225 --> 00:17:57,427
So wake up, Fred.
459
00:17:57,527 --> 00:17:58,855
Oh, boy.
460
00:17:59,429 --> 00:18:02,132
Um, Holly, I'm sorry.
461
00:18:02,536 --> 00:18:03,704
Apology accepted.
462
00:18:03,804 --> 00:18:06,106
This is what I get for down-dating.
463
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,648
What the... wha...?
464
00:18:12,279 --> 00:18:13,981
You think you're down-dating me?
Oh, no, no, no.
465
00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:15,249
I'm down-dating you.
466
00:18:15,349 --> 00:18:16,684
If that's what you need to tell yourself.
467
00:18:16,784 --> 00:18:18,719
No, no, no, no, no. I am the catch, okay?
468
00:18:18,819 --> 00:18:20,220
I'm the up-date, okay?
469
00:18:20,321 --> 00:18:22,156
I was just dating you so
I wouldn't get attached.
470
00:18:22,256 --> 00:18:23,557
Which is why you're in here
471
00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:25,259
making this whole whoop-de-doo.
472
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:26,627
Whoop-de-do?
473
00:18:26,727 --> 00:18:28,595
I'm so not interested in you. [chuckles]
474
00:18:28,696 --> 00:18:32,466
It looks like somebody's got
a bad case of the Freds.
475
00:18:36,770 --> 00:18:38,305
But don't worry.
476
00:18:38,405 --> 00:18:39,773
You'll find another one.
477
00:18:39,873 --> 00:18:41,275
I don't even want this one!
478
00:18:41,375 --> 00:18:43,143
Sure. Lol.
479
00:18:43,243 --> 00:18:46,046
No, no, no. No, lol. No one
says "lol," all right?
480
00:18:46,146 --> 00:18:47,414
If you find something
funny, you just laugh.
481
00:18:47,514 --> 00:18:48,387
Ha-ha-ha.
482
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,385
Holly, you should probably go.
483
00:18:51,518 --> 00:18:52,886
It's over.
484
00:18:52,987 --> 00:18:54,421
[sighs]
485
00:18:54,521 --> 00:18:56,323
See, the down-date does not say it's over.
486
00:18:56,423 --> 00:18:57,858
The up-date says it's over.
487
00:18:57,958 --> 00:18:59,560
And it is over!
488
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,061
Okay. Bye, Holly.
489
00:19:01,161 --> 00:19:04,098
I said it's over. Don't beg.
You're embarrassing yourself.
490
00:19:14,074 --> 00:19:16,010
Okay, money's in the bank.
491
00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:17,211
Cushions are restuffed.
492
00:19:17,311 --> 00:19:18,879
There's only one thing left to do.
493
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:20,180
Break her in.
494
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,181
Mm.
495
00:19:21,281 --> 00:19:22,783
Gentlemen,
496
00:19:22,883 --> 00:19:25,019
positions.
497
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:29,290
[all groaning]
498
00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:30,824
- Ah.
- Yeah!
499
00:19:30,924 --> 00:19:32,359
Oh.
500
00:19:32,459 --> 00:19:35,029
Well, Phil, hope you're happy.
501
00:19:35,129 --> 00:19:36,397
Tried your down-dating thing,
502
00:19:36,563 --> 00:19:38,465
and it was a disaster.
503
00:19:38,565 --> 00:19:41,568
He got obsessed. The calls, the texts.
504
00:19:41,602 --> 00:19:45,139
He even showed up at my
work like a lunatic.
505
00:19:45,239 --> 00:19:46,140
He dumped you, didn't he?
506
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,509
On my ass.
507
00:19:48,609 --> 00:19:49,977
What's wrong with me, you guys?
508
00:19:50,077 --> 00:19:51,512
What'd I do wrong, huh?
509
00:19:51,545 --> 00:19:52,980
I mean, did I sleep with him too soon?
510
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,316
Did... did I give too much?
Did I not give enough?
511
00:19:55,416 --> 00:19:56,984
Oh, come on. It's me. It's me, right?
512
00:19:57,084 --> 00:19:59,019
It's always me.
513
00:19:59,109 --> 00:20:01,109
www.addic7ed.com
514
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:05,709
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