Original subtitles

( car horns beeping )

IT'S... AH!

MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.

( Sousa's "Liberty Bell March" playing )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

( music ends with whoosh )

( audience laughter )

HAVE YOU FINISHED IN THERE YET?

( overture to Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto playing )

( laughter )

Man: "DEAR SIR, I OBJECT STRONGLY

"TO THE OBVIOUS LAVATORIAL TURN THIS SHOW HAS ALREADY TAKEN.

"WHY DO WE NEVER HEAR ABOUT THE GOOD THINGS IN BRITAIN

"LIKE MARY BIGNALL'S WONDERFUL JUMP IN 1964?

YOURS ETC., KEN VOYEUR."

( crowd cheering )

Man: "DEAR SIR, I OBJECT STRONGLY

"TO THE OBVIOUS ATHLETIC TURN THIS SHOW HAS NOW TAKEN.

"WHY CAN'T WE HEAR MORE ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY?

"THERE IS NOTHING EMBARRASSING OR NASTY ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY

EXCEPT FOR THE INTESTINES AND BITS OF THE BOTTOM."

Man: "DEAR SIR, I OBJECT STRONGLY TO THE LETTERS ON YOUR PROGRAM.

"THEY ARE CLEARLY NOT WRITTEN BY THE GENERAL PUBLIC

"AND ARE MERELY INCLUDED FOR A CHEAP LAUGH.

YOURS ETC., WILLIAM KNICKERS."

( orchestra playing final note )

( toilet flushing )

PubLic: THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY REVOLTING.

NASTY. DISGUSTING. RUBBISH.

( bang )

I, TOO, TAKE STRONG EXCEPTION

TO THIS RESURGENCE OF CHEAP JOKES ABOUT POO-POOS.

MR. VOYEUR'S LETTER STATED VERY... OH... UM... EXCUSE ME.

( toilet flushing )

AS I WAS SAYING, THE LETTER PREVIOUSLY READ MADE QUITE CLEAR

THE VIEW OF A GREAT MAJORITY...

( majesticprocessional playing )

1348... THE BLACK DEATH, TYPHUS, CHOLERA

CONSUMPTION, BUBONIC PLAGUE...

AH, THOSE WERE THE DAYS.

NOW, I'M NOT... I'M...

( applause )

NOW, I'M NOT PREPARED TO GO ON WITH THIS

UNLESS THESE INTERRUPTIONS CEASE-- ALL RIGHT?

RIGHT.

THE DEVASTATING EFFECT

OF THESE...

( clock ticking )

( car horn honking )

( clock ticking )

( engine roaring )

( clock ticking )

( tires squealing )

( loud crashing )

( glasses clinking )

NO, DON'T FOLLOW ME, AND DON'T ZOOM IN ON ME.

NO, I'M OFF, I'M OFF.

THAT'S IT, THAT'S ALL.

I'M OFF.

ARE YOU NERVY, IRRITABLE, DEPRESSED, TIRED OF LIFE?

KEEP IT UP.

( laughter )

THIS HOUSE IS SURROUNDED.

I'M AFRAID I MUST NOT ASK ANYONE

TO LEAVE THE ROOM.

NO, I MUST ASK NOBODY...

NO, I MUST ASK EVERYBODY...

TO... I MUST NOT ASK

ANYONE TO LEAVE...

NO ONE MUST BE ASKED BY ME TO LEAVE ROOM...

NO, NO ONE MUST ASK THE ROOM TO LEAVE I.

I ASK THE ROOM, SHALL MY SOMEONE BE LEFT?

NOT... ASK NOBODY THE ROOM

SOMEBODY LEAVE SHALL I?

SHALL I LEAVE THE ROOM?

EVERYONE MUST LEAVE THE ROOM AS IT IS...

WITH THEM IN IT.

UNDERSTAND?

YOU DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO LEAVE THE ROOM.

( laughter )

NOW, ALDUCE ME TO INTROLOW MYSELF.

I'M SORRY... ALSELF ME TO MYDUCE INTROLOW...

INTROME TO-LOSE MYLOW.

ALME TO YOU INTROSELF MY...

EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M AFRAID I MUST ASK THAT NO ONE LEAVE THE ROOM.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF: I'M INSPECTOR TIGER.

ALL: TIGER?

WHERE, WHERE?!

( chuckling )

ME TIGER...

YOU JANE.

( growling lewdly )

BEG YOUR PARDON.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M AFRAID I MUST ASK THAT NO ONE LEAVE THE ROOM.

WHY NOT?

ELEMENTARY.

SINCE THE BODY WAS FOUND IN THIS ROOM

AND NO ONE HAS LEFT IT

THEREFORE THE MURDERER MUST BE SOMEBODY

IN THIS ROOM.

WHAT BODY?!

SOMEBODY...

IN THIS ROOM MUST THE MURDERER BE.

THE MURDERER OF THE BODY

IS SOMEBODY IN THIS ROOM

WHICH NOBODY MUST LEAVE.

LEAVE THE BODY IN THE ROOM NOT TO BE LEFT BY ANYBODY.

NOBODY LEAVES ANYBODY OR THE BODY WITH SOMEBODY.

ANYBODY WHO IS ANYBODY SHALL LEAVE THE BODY IN THE ROOM-BODY.

TAKE THE TABLETS, TIGER.

ANYBODY WITH A BODY BUT NOT THE BODY IS NOBODY.

NOBODY LEAVES THE BODY IN THE...

( gulps )

ALBODY ME INTROBODY AL...

( sawing )

NOW FOR SIR GERALD.

THAT'S BETTER.

NOW, I'M INSPECTOR TIGER

AND I MUST ASK THAT NOBODY LEAVE THE ROOM.

NOW, SOMEONE HAS COMMITTED A MURDER HERE

AND THAT MURDERER IS SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM.

THE QUESTION IS... WHO?

LOOK, THERE HASN'T BEEN A MURDER.

NO MURDER?

ALL: NO.

OH.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

IT'S TOO SIMPLE

TOO CLEAR-CUT.

I'D BETTER WAIT.

NO, TOO SIMPLE, TOO CLEAR-CUT.

( man screaming )

( gunshot )

BY JOVE

HE WAS RIGHT!

THIS HOUSE IS SURROUNDED.

I MUST ASK THAT NO ONE LEAVE THE ROOM.

I'M CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT LOOKOUT.

LOOKOUT?

WHAT? WHERE?

( laughter )

OH, ME... LOOKOUT.

LOOKOUT OF THE YARD.

WHY? WHAT WOULD WE SEE?

SORRY?

WELL, WHAT WILL WE SEE IF WE LOOK OUT OF THE YARD?

( laughter )

I'M AFRAID I DON'T FOLLOW THAT AT ALL.

AHA! THE BODY.

SO, THE MURDERER MUST BE SOMEBODY IN THIS ROOM...

UNLESS HE HAD VERY LONG ARMS...

SAY 30 OR 40 FEET.

I THINK WE CAN DISCOUNT THAT ONE.

( laughing )

( laughing uproariously )

"LOOK OUT OF THE YARD"!

VERY GOOD.

RIGHT... NOW WE'LL RECONSTRUCT THE CRIME.

I'LL SIT DOWN HERE.

CONSTABLE, YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.

GOOD.

NOW, THEN...

THERE WAS A SCREAM...

( man screaming )

THEN JUST BEFORE THE LIGHTS WENT UP, THERE WAS A SHOT.

( gunshot )

( laughter )

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

THE HOUSE IS SURROUNDED

AND NOBODY LEAVE THE ROOM

AND ALL THE REST OF IT.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M ASSISTANT CHIEF CONSTABLE THERESAMANBEHINDYER.

ALL: THERESAMANBEHINDYER?

OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CATCH ME

WITH AN OLD ONE LIKE THAT.

RIGHT... LET'S RECONSTRUCT THE CRIME.

CONSTABLE, YOU BE INSPECTOR TIGER.

RIGHT, SIR.

NOBODY LEAVE THE ROOM I SHALL.

SOMEBODY I LEAVE NOBODY IN THE ROOM-BODY

SHALL... TAKE THE TABLETS, TIGER BUDDY.

ALSELF ME...

( applause )

VERY GOOD... JUST SIT DOWN THERE.

VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.

RIGHT.

NOW, WE'LL PRETEND

THE LIGHTS HAVE GONE OUT.

CONSTABLE, YOU SCREAM.

( screaming )

SOMEBODY SHOOTS YOU.

( gunshot )

AND THE DOOR OPENS.

NOBODY MOVE.

I AM CHIEF CONSTABLE FIRE.

ALL: FIRE?

WHERE, WHERE?

WE'RE INTERRUPTING THIS SKETCH

BUT WE'LL BE BRINGING YOU BACK

THE MOMENT ANYTHING INTERESTING HAPPENS.

MEANWHILE, HERE ARE SOME FRIENDS OF MINE.

( brass instruments and drums playing funeral march )

( thud )

( drums picking up tempo )

( trumpet plays upbeat notes )

( jazz playing )

Man: "DEAR SIR.

"I'M SORRY THIS LETTER IS LATE.

"IT SHOULD HAVE COME AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PROGRAM.

YOURS, IVOR BIGBOTTIE, AGE TWO."

FROM THE PLASTIC ARTS, WE TURN TO FOOTBALL.

LAST NIGHT IN THE STADIUM OF LIGHT, JARROW

WE WITNESSED THE RESUSCITATION OF A GREAT FOOTBALLING TRADITION

WHEN JARROW UNITED CAME OF AGE, IN A EUROPEAN SENSE

WITH AN ALMOST PROUSTIAN DISPLAY

OF MODERN EXISTENTIALIST FOOTBALL

VIRTUALLY ANNIHILATING BY MIDFIELD MORAL ARGUMENT

THE NOW SURELY OBSOLESCENT CATENNACHIO DEFENSIVE PHILOSOPHY

OF SIGNOR ALBERTO FANFRINO.

BOLOGNA INDEED WERE A SIDE INTELLECTUALLY OUT-ARGUED

BY A JARROW TEAM THRUSTING AND BURSTING

WITH AGGRESSIVE KANTIAN POSITIVISM

AND OUTSTANDING IN THIS FINE JARROW TEAM

WAS MY MAN OF THE MATCH

THE ARCH-THINKER, FREE-SCHEMING

SCARCELY-EVER-TO-BE-CURBED MIDFIELD COGNOSCENTO

JIMMY BUZZARD.

GOOD EVENING, BRIAN.

JIMMY, AT LEAST ONE AGING FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR

WAS GLADDENED LAST NIGHT BY THE SIGHT OF AN ENGLISH FOOTBALLER

BREAKING FREE OF THE LIMPID TENTACLES

OF PACKED MEDITERRANEAN DEFENSE.

( laughter )

GOOD EVENING, BRIAN.

WERE YOU SURPRISED

AT THE WAY THE ITALIANS CEDED MIDFIELD DOMINANCE

SO EARLY ON IN THE GAME?

( laughter )

WELL, BRIAN...

( scattered laughter )

( more laughter )

I'M OPENING A BOUTIQUE.

THIS IS OF COURSE SYMPTOMATIC OF A NEW BREED OF FOOTBALLER

AS IT IS INDEED SYMPTOMATIC OF YOUR WHOLE GENRE OF PLAYER

IS IT NOT?

( laughter )

GOOD EVENING, BRIAN.

WHAT I'M GETTING AT, JIMMY

IS YOU SEEM TO HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW CONCEPT

WITH THE MODE WITH WHICH YOU DISSECTED THE ITALIAN DEFENSE

LAST NIGHT.

I HIT THE BALL FIRST TIME

AND THERE IT WAS IN THE BACK OF THE NET.

DO YOU THINK JARROW WILL ADOPT

A MORE DEFENSIVE POSTURE

FOR THE FIRST LEG OF THE NEXT TIE IN TURKEY?

I HIT THE BALL FIRST TIME

AND THERE IT WAS IN THE BACK OF THE NET.

YES, YES, BUT HAVE YOU ANY PLANS

FOR DEALING WITH THE FREE-SCORING TURKISH FORWARDS?

WELL, BRIAN...

( laughter )

I'M OPENING A BOUTIQUE.

AND NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK

AT THE STATE OF PLAY IN THE DETECTIVE SKETCH.

OURSELF ME TO INTROLOW MY BODY.

( gunshot )

( cheering )

( Chopin's "Funeral March" playing )

( music slows to stop )

( funeral march starts again )

( slap )

CHEEKY.

OH, TEMPER, TEMPER.

WELL, SOME OF US DON'T LIKE

HAVING MEN CRAWLING OVER US THE WHOLE TIME.

( growling )

YOU NEED TO TAKE

ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU CAN GET, DEAR.

( squishing )

UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I CAN MENTION

I'M QUITE HAPPILY MARRIED, THANK YOU.

( creaking )

( explosion )

YES, ATHENA, I'VE BEEN TEARING UP IN THE GARDEN.

( gunshots )

( roaring applause )

( applause instantly stops )

HELLO, GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME

TO YET ANOTHER EDITION OF "INTERESTING PEOPLE."

AND MY FIRST INTERESTING PERSON TONIGHT IS

THE HIGHLY INTERESTING MR. HOWARD STOOLS

FROM KENDAL IN WESTMORELAND.

( loud applause starts abruptly )

( applause suddenly turns off )

GOOD EVENING, MR. STOOLS.

Stools ( squeakily ): HELLO, DAVID.

MR. STOOLS, WHAT MAKES YOU

PARTICULARLY INTERESTING?

Stools: WELL, I'M ONLY HALF AN INCH LONG.

WELL, THAT'S EXTREMELY INTERESTING.

THANK YOU FOR COMING ALONG ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, MR. STOOLS.

Stools: I THOUGHT YOU'D THINK THAT WAS INTERESTING, DAVID, IN FACT...

MR. HOWARD STOOLS FROM KENDAL IN WESTMORELAND, HALF AN INCH LONG.

( applause starts )

( applause suddenly stops )

OUR NEXT GUEST TONIGHT HAS COME ALL THE WAY FROM EGYPT.

HE'S JUST FLOWN INTO LONDON TODAY.

HE'S MR. ALI BAYAN-- HE'S WITH US IN THE STUDIO TONIGHT

AND HE'S STARK RAVING MAD.

( vocalizing madly )

( canned applause )

MR. ALI BAYAN, STARK RAVING MAD.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR OUR MUSIC SPOT

AND WE TURN THE SPOTLIGHT TONIGHT

ON THE RACHEL TOOVEY BICYCLE CHOIR...

( canned applause )

WITH THEIR FANTASTIC ARRANGEMENT OF "MEN OF HARLECH"

FOR BICYCLE BELLS ONLY.

KEEP, MY BABE, NO ILL BETIDE THEE

ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT.

( bicycle bells ringing )

( canned applause )

THE RACHEL TOOVEY BICYCLE CHOIR.

REALLY INTERESTING.

REMEMBER, IF YOU'RE INTERESTING

AND WANT TO APPEAR ON THIS PROGRAM

WRITE YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS ON YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER

AND SEND IT TO THIS ADDRESS.

( canned applause )

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

NOW HERE'S AN INTERESTING PERSON.

APART FROM BEING A FULL-TIME STAPLING MACHINE

HE CAN ALSO GIVE A CAT INFLUENZA.

( clears throat )

( coughing )

( cat sneezing )

( meowing and sneezing )

( canned applause )

YOU CAN'T GET MORE INTERESTING THAN THAT, OR CAN YOU?

WITH ME NOW... WITH ME NOW

IS MR. THOMAS WALTERS OF WEST HARTLEPOOL

WHO IS TOTALLY INVISIBLE.

GOOD EVENING, MR. WALTERS.

Walters: OVER HERE, HUGHIE.

( laughs nervously )

( audience laughter )

MR. WALTERS, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE INVISIBLE?

OH, YES, MOST CERTAINLY.

WELL, MR. WALTERS, WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING INVISIBLE?

( droning ): WELL, FOR A START, AT THE OFFICE WHERE I WORK

I CAN BE SITTING AT MY DESK ALL DAY

AND THE OTHERS TOTALLY IGNORE ME.

AT HOME, EVEN THOUGH WE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM

MY WIFE DOES NOT SPEAK TO ME FOR HOURS.

PEOPLE PASS ME BY IN THE STREET WITHOUT A GLANCE IN MY DIRECTION

AND I CAN WALK

INTO A ROOM WITHOUT...

WELL, WHILST WE'VE GOT INTERESTING PEOPLE

WE MET MR. OLIVER CAVENDISH WHO...

EVEN NOW YOU YOURSELF DO HARDLY NOTICE ME...

MR. OLIVER CAVENDISH OF LEICESTER

WHO CLAIMS TO BE ABLE TO RECITE THE ENTIRE BIBLE IN ONE SECOND

WHILST BEING STRUCK ON THE HEAD WITH A LARGE AX.

HA, HA, WOW!

WE'VE SINCE DISCOVERED THAT HE WAS A FRAUD.

HE DID NOT... YES, A FRAUD.

HE DID NOT IN FACT RECITE THE ENTIRE BIBLE.

HE MERELY RECITED THE FIRST TWO WORDS, "IN THE"

BEFORE HIS DEATH.

( canned applause )

Comp�re: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR "INTERESTING SPORT"

AND THIS WEEK IT'S ALL-IN CRICKET

LIVE FROM THE MUNICIPAL BATHS, CROYDON.

( spectators cheering )

( canned applause )

ALL-IN CRICKET, GREAT, GREAT!

WITH ME NOW IS MR. KEN DOVE

TWICE VOTED MOST INTERESTING MAN IN DORKING.

KEN, I BELIEVE YOU'RE INTERESTED IN SHOUTING.

( shouting ): YES, I'M INTERESTED IN SHOUTING, ALL RIGHT.

BY JOVE, YOU CERTAINLY HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD

WITH THAT PARTICULAR OBSERVATION OF YOURS THEN.

WHAT DOES YOUR WIFE THINK OF THIS?

Woman ( shouting ): I AGREE WITH HIM!

SHUT UP!

( droning ): AT PARTIES, FOR INSTANCE

PEOPLE NEVER COME UP TO ME.

I JUST SIT THERE AND EVERYBODY TOTALLY...

NOW, THAT IS TIDDLES, I BELIEVE.

UM, YES, THIS IS... THIS IS TIDDLES.

YEAH, AND WHAT DOES SHE DO?

SHE FLIES ACROSS THE STUDIO AND LANDS IN A BUCKET OF WATER.

BY HERSELF?

UH, NO, I FLING HER.

WELL, THAT'S EXTREMELY INTERESTING.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. DON SAVAGE AND TIDDLES.

( Tiddles yowls )

( hits bucket, water splats )

( shouting ): I'M MORE INTERESTING THAN A WET PUSSYCAT.

Walters ( droning ): ...FOR HOUR AFTER HOUR AFTER HOUR...

YES, GREAT.

WELL, NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME ON TELEVISION

"INTERESTING PEOPLE" BRINGS YOU

A MAN WHO CLAIMS HE CAN SEND BRICKS TO SLEEP BY HYPNOSIS.

MR. KEITH MANIAC FROM GUATEMALA.

GOOD EVENING.

KEITH, YOU CLAIM YOU CAN SEND BRICKS TO SLEEP.

YES, THAT IS CORRECT, I CAN.

ENTIRELY BY HYPNOSIS.

YES, I USE NO ARTIFICIAL MEANS WHATSOEVER.

( Stools screaming )

OH, OH, OH!

( shouting ): YOU'VE INJURED MR. STOOLS!

WELL, I SIMPLY

STARE AT THE BRICK, AND IT GOES TO SLEEP.

WELL, WE HAVE A BRICK HERE.

KEITH, PERHAPS YOU COULD SEND IT TO SLEEP FOR US.

OH, UH... WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT IS ALREADY ASLEEP.

( audience chuckles )

HA! HOW DO YOU KNOW?

( laughter )

WELL, IT'S NOT MOVING.

OH, I SEE.

HAVE WE GOT A MOVING BRICK?

YES, WE'VE GOT

A MOVING BRICK, KEITH.

IT'S COMING OVER NOW.

THERE WE ARE, FAST ASLEEP.

VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD INDEED.

YES, IT'S ALL DONE

WITH THE EYES.

YES, MR. KEITH MANIAC FROM GUATEMALA.

( shouting ): MR. STOOLS!

SPEAK TO ME, HOWARD!

( spectators cheering )

AND NOW FOUR TIRED UNDERTAKERS.

( Chopin's "Funeral March" playing )

( laughter )

( men groaning )

( audience chuckling )

( man grunting )

( stomping )

( audience laughing )

( panting )

( laughter )

Man: WE'RE INTERRUPTING THIS

TO TAKE YOU BACK VERY QUICKLY TO THE JIMMY BUZZARD INTERVIEW

WHERE WE UNDERSTAND SOMETHING EXCITING'S JUST HAPPENED.

I'VE FALLEN OFF MY CHAIR, BRIAN.

( drumbeat with each movement of coffin )

( drum roll )

( laughter )

( laughter continues )

( dog barking )

( laughter )

( drumbeat continues )

( drum roll )

( man and woman giggling )

Man ( whispering ): SHH! I THINK MY WIFE'S BEGINNING TO SUSPECT.

Man: YOU, SHUT UP UP THERE!

Man: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "SHUT UP UP THERE"?

YOU SHUT UP.

OH, SHUT UP!

( all shouting at once )

( pounding )

I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

I THINK YOU'LL FIND THIS A BIT MORE INTERESTING.

( laughter )

( bawdy musicplaying )

( with man's voice ): GOOD EVENING.

TONIGHT I WANT TO EXAMINE

THE WHOLE QUESTION OF 18th- CENTURY SOCIAL LEGISLATION...

ITS RELEVANCE

TO THE HIERARCHICAL STRUCTURE OF POST-RENAISSANCE SOCIETY...

AND ITS IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF PAROCHIAL ORGANIZATION

IN AN EXPANDING AGRARIAN ECONOMY.

( audience chuckles )

BUT FIRST, A BIT OF FUN.

( fast-paced drum riff )

TO PUT ENGLAND'S SOCIAL LEGISLATION

IN A EUROPEAN CONTEXT

IS PROFESSOR GERT VAN DER WHOOPS

OF THE RIJKSMUSEUM IN THE HAGUE.

IN HOLLAND IN THE EARLY PART OF THE 15th CENTURY

THERE WAS THREE THINGS IMPORTANT TO SOCIAL LEGISLATION.

ONE, RISE OF MERCHANT CLASSES

TWO, URBANIZATION OF CRAFT GUILDS

THREE, DECLINING MORAL VALUES

IN AGE OF INCREASING SOCIAL BETTERMENT.

BUT FIRST, A BIT OF FUN.

Choir: DING, DONG, MERRILY ON HIGH

IN HEAV'N THE BELLS ARE RINGING.

( clearing throat )

OH!

( clears throat )

AND NOW PROFESSOR R.J. CANNING.

Choir: GLO-O-OR...

THE CAT SAT ON THE MAT.

AND NOW THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR.

TONIGHT WE EXAMINE POPULAR VIEWS OF THIS GREAT BATTLE.

WAS THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR FOUGHT

IN THE ATLANTIC OFF SOUTHERN SPAIN

OR WAS IT FOUGHT ON DRY LAND NEAR CUDWORTH IN YORKSHIRE?

HERE IS ONE MAN WHO THINKS IT WAS

AND HERE IS HIS FRIEND.

( laughter )

Canning: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK

THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR WAS FOUGHT NEAR CUDWORTH?

BECAUSE DRAKE WAS TOO CLEVER FOR THE GERMAN FLEET.

( laughter )

Canning: I BEG YOUR PARDON?

I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT I SAID NOW.

( audience laughs )

Canning: MR. GUMBY'S REMARKABLE VIEWS HAVE SPARKED OFF

A WAVE OF CONTROVERSY AMONGST HIS FELLOW HISTORIANS.

WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD, UH...

REAPPRAISE OUR CONCEPT OF THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR.

( shouting ): WELL, WELL, I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING MR. GUMBY SAYS.

WELL, UH, I THINK, UH, CEMENT IS MORE INTERESTING

UH, THAN PEOPLE THINK.

ONE SUBJECT-- FOUR DIFFERENT VIEWS.

12 AND SIX IN A PLAIN WRAPPER.

THE STUFF OF HISTORY IS INDEED WOVEN IN THE WOOF.

PEARL HARBOR.

THERE ARE PAGES IN HISTORY'S BOOK

WHICH ARE WRITTEN ON THE GRAND SCALE--

EVENTS SO MOMENTOUS THAT THEY DWARF MAN AND TIME ALIKE.

AND SUCH IS THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR

REENACTED FOR US NOW

BY THE WOMEN OF THE BATLEY TOWNSWOMEN'S GUILD.

Canning: MRS. RITA FAIRBANKS, YOU ORGANIZED

THIS RECONSTRUCTION OF THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR.

WHY?

UH, WELL, ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY INTERESTED IN MODERN DRAMA.

WE WERE, OF COURSE, THE FIRST TOWNSWOMEN'S GUILD TO PERFORM

"CAMP ON BLOOD ISLAND," AND LAST YEAR, OF COURSE

WE DID OUR EXTREMELY POPULAR REENACTMENT

OF "NAZI WAR ATROCITIES."

AND SO, THIS YEAR

WE THOUGHT WE'D LIKE TO DO SOMETHING IN A LIGHTER VEIN.

SO YOU CHOSE THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR?

YES, THAT'S RIGHT, WE DID.

WELL, I CAN SEE YOU'RE ALL READY TO GO

SO I'LL JUST WISH YOU GOOD LUCK

IN YOUR LATEST VENTURE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YOUNG MAN.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

"THE WORLD OF HISTORY" IS PROUD TO PRESENT

THE PREMIERE OF THE BATLEY TOWNSWOMEN'S GUILD

REENACTMENT OF "THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR."

( whistle toots )

( yelling and screaming )

( pig grunting in distance )

THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR.

INCIDENTALLY, I'M SORRY IF I GOT A LITTLE BIT SHIRTY

EARLIER ON IN THE PROGRAM, WHEN I KEPT GETTING INTERRUPTED

BY ALL THESE FILMS AND THINGS THAT KEPT COMING IN, BUT I...

"WE SHALL..."

( laughter )

( gunshots )

"HERETOFORE SHALL THIS SOUL BE RECEIVED UNTO..."

( "Funeral March"playing )

( zippy tune playing )

AND SO I SAID IF IT HAPPENED AGAIN

I'D GET VERY ANGRY AND TALK TO LORD HILL, AND...

( humming )

Canning: TELL LORD HILL.

( Sousa's "Liberty Bell March" playing, applause... )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

WHOA!

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH EducationaL Foundation]