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1
00:00:01,462 --> 00:00:04,712
Kids, your aunt Robin
had only been dated Don a while.
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:06,604
When one evening, out of nowhere...
3
00:00:07,669 --> 00:00:08,674
Wanna move in?
4
00:00:11,564 --> 00:00:13,418
It's kind of soon.
5
00:00:14,504 --> 00:00:17,000
Sure,
I would consider moving in here.
6
00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:18,530
Just let me think about it.
7
00:00:19,088 --> 00:00:21,604
I meant, do you want to move in
on the couch so I can sit down?
8
00:00:23,996 --> 00:00:25,340
That's what I meant, too.
9
00:00:25,570 --> 00:00:27,777
Like I said,
just let me think about it.
10
00:00:31,708 --> 00:00:32,782
I'm okay with that.
11
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:39,332
Now that you mentioned it,
12
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:41,213
wanna move in?
13
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:43,709
What did you say?
14
00:00:44,090 --> 00:00:45,212
I'm considering it.
15
00:00:45,438 --> 00:00:47,050
You're considering it?!
16
00:00:47,175 --> 00:00:48,675
You barely know him.
17
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,052
Plus, the guy's a loser
with a dead-end job.
18
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,912
We have the same job, Barney.
19
00:00:53,037 --> 00:00:54,928
And we couldn't be prouder of you.
20
00:00:56,332 --> 00:00:59,782
- Well, this does seem kind of fast.
- Maybe you're right.
21
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,686
- I think you should.
- You do?
22
00:01:03,712 --> 00:01:06,254
I see how happy you are,
and as much as I love you as a roommate,
23
00:01:06,379 --> 00:01:08,152
I want you to do
what's right for you.
24
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,821
Are you trying to kick me out
because of the milk thing?
25
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,239
It's really annoying.
26
00:01:32,638 --> 00:01:33,751
I have a system.
27
00:01:33,876 --> 00:01:37,430
I put the empty carton in the fridge
to remind us to buy milk.
28
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:41,198
Why don't you leave a full carton
to remind us we don't have to buy milk?
29
00:01:43,379 --> 00:01:46,301
As your ex,
before you jump into anything,
30
00:01:46,555 --> 00:01:47,799
I need to meet him.
31
00:01:47,924 --> 00:01:50,090
It's kind of weird
that I haven't met him yet.
32
00:01:50,215 --> 00:01:51,019
Totally.
33
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:54,029
It's almost like someone
orchestrated it that way on purpose.
34
00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:59,461
Fine. But you have to promise
to be on your best behavior.
35
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,059
I promise.
36
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,831
I'm banging
this Portuguese contortionist.
37
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:06,917
I swear, she is so flexible,
38
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,467
at one point, she was on top of me
and underneath me.
39
00:02:09,635 --> 00:02:11,135
Up top and down low!
40
00:02:13,869 --> 00:02:15,619
- Who needs?
- I'm good.
41
00:02:16,118 --> 00:02:17,756
And that would be Barney.
42
00:02:17,881 --> 00:02:18,929
He means well.
43
00:02:19,353 --> 00:02:21,015
Actually, I'm not sure that's true.
44
00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:22,183
He's awesome.
45
00:02:22,419 --> 00:02:24,704
But I feel bad for any woman
with the kind of low self-esteem
46
00:02:24,829 --> 00:02:26,562
who would actually date
a guy like that.
47
00:02:27,649 --> 00:02:31,233
That's when I realized Robin
never told Don she had dated Barney.
48
00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:33,235
I like you, Don.
49
00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:37,150
We both love a good Scotch,
we both enjoy my compelling stories...
50
00:02:37,275 --> 00:02:38,729
And we both dated Robin.
51
00:02:39,775 --> 00:02:40,875
Now he knew.
52
00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:58,969
You still hang out with your ex?
53
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,396
- I'm a little uncomfortable with that.
- Don't be.
54
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,152
It's like we never dated.
55
00:03:04,587 --> 00:03:07,210
Long story short,
this exchange student's arms gave out,
56
00:03:07,335 --> 00:03:09,104
and we both fell ass over sex swing.
57
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:13,442
I have not been able to find a girl
who can do that position since Robin.
58
00:03:16,876 --> 00:03:19,175
How was your weekend away,
or any other topic?
59
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,533
Awful.
60
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,451
Twin beds?!
61
00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:25,506
We can't sleep in separate beds.
62
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,164
We should go complain.
63
00:03:27,338 --> 00:03:28,195
Yeah.
64
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,751
I'm gonna march down there
and demand another room.
65
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,341
I'll go with you in...
66
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,606
just a sec.
67
00:03:37,965 --> 00:03:39,115
Housekeeping!
68
00:03:40,650 --> 00:03:43,328
Could you come back later?
We're taking a little catnap.
69
00:03:43,777 --> 00:03:45,110
It's time to check out.
70
00:03:48,526 --> 00:03:51,465
- We slept for 18 hours.
- We missed four pre-paid meals.
71
00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:52,940
I lost 11 pounds.
72
00:03:53,941 --> 00:03:56,527
You think it's weird
Robin is still friends with him?
73
00:03:56,915 --> 00:03:59,071
It's weird
we're all still friends with Barney.
74
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:02,283
I don't know how I feel about her
hanging out with one of her exes.
75
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:05,278
That's when I realized
Robin had failed to tell Don
76
00:04:05,403 --> 00:04:07,155
about another one of her exes.
77
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:08,455
Me.
78
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:11,442
No, hanging out with one ex is fine.
79
00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:13,264
Even two, I'd give a pass.
80
00:04:13,389 --> 00:04:15,589
Two might be even better than one.
81
00:04:16,586 --> 00:04:17,886
For some reason.
82
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,801
If you were dating someone
and he hung out with one of his exes...
83
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:21,969
I'm sorry.
84
00:04:22,248 --> 00:04:24,474
- He?
- Yes. He was friends with his ex...
85
00:04:24,599 --> 00:04:26,274
Wait. Hold on.
86
00:04:27,204 --> 00:04:28,309
You think I'm gay?
87
00:04:31,464 --> 00:04:33,264
Why would you assume that?
88
00:04:35,395 --> 00:04:36,942
Your calligraphy teacher called.
89
00:04:37,461 --> 00:04:39,570
- And?
- Your ink is in.
90
00:04:44,027 --> 00:04:46,410
Just want to make sure
Project Runway is recording.
91
00:04:47,651 --> 00:04:49,580
Did the Jets get new costumes?
92
00:04:51,118 --> 00:04:54,209
Well, I guess we won't be having
cr�me br�l�e tonight.
93
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,417
My browning torch is broken.
94
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:01,997
When I heard your roommate was a guy,
I was a little jealous,
95
00:05:02,122 --> 00:05:04,428
but now that I know he's gay,
I'm okay.
96
00:05:05,212 --> 00:05:06,180
Ted's not...
97
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:09,586
We've still got homemade ladyfingers
and piping hot Darjeeling.
98
00:05:12,065 --> 00:05:14,968
- Ted's not what?
- Ted's not gonna be around a lot.
99
00:05:15,221 --> 00:05:17,331
He's following Cher on tour.
100
00:05:19,073 --> 00:05:21,738
Don't get me wrong.
Cher puts on a hell of a show,
101
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:22,863
but I am not gay.
102
00:05:24,111 --> 00:05:25,366
Be honest.
103
00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:28,202
Is it weird that Robin hangs out
with one of her exes?
104
00:05:28,987 --> 00:05:31,246
Ted and Robin broke up years ago.
It's a non-issue.
105
00:05:31,547 --> 00:05:32,706
Ted and Robin?!
106
00:05:33,025 --> 00:05:35,325
Not seeming so gay now, am I, Donny?
107
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,220
An appletini for the gentleman.
108
00:05:38,769 --> 00:05:39,964
You dated Ted, too?
109
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:44,677
Of the four you consider your friends,
you've slept with 50% of them!
110
00:05:44,961 --> 00:05:48,097
- Don, they're just my friends.
- But they're also your exes.
111
00:05:48,461 --> 00:05:49,974
And you live with one of 'em.
112
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,560
I'm sorry.
I gotta think about all this.
113
00:06:01,698 --> 00:06:03,529
She's a thousand degrees!
114
00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:06,156
It's like putting my leg
against a tailpipe.
115
00:06:11,122 --> 00:06:13,122
His toenails are like daggers.
116
00:06:16,992 --> 00:06:18,492
I'd love a sandwich.
117
00:06:18,966 --> 00:06:20,360
But no eating in bed.
118
00:06:21,025 --> 00:06:22,373
Stupid rule.
119
00:06:22,752 --> 00:06:24,539
We have ants one time...
120
00:06:28,348 --> 00:06:30,681
Great, and now he's falling asleep.
121
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,553
Cue the river of drool.
122
00:06:36,551 --> 00:06:37,563
My knee itches.
123
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:41,150
Just one little scratch.
124
00:06:48,213 --> 00:06:51,386
- We should get separate beds.
- Yes! A mini-fridge!
125
00:06:51,785 --> 00:06:53,954
- And separate beds.
- Deal!
126
00:06:57,509 --> 00:06:59,400
I came to apologize to all of you.
127
00:06:59,525 --> 00:07:00,725
I overreacted.
128
00:07:01,147 --> 00:07:03,398
Well, we owe you an apology, too.
129
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,549
We said some pretty hurtful things.
130
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:08,114
- No, you didn't.
- That was after you left.
131
00:07:09,459 --> 00:07:12,014
I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth
in the first place.
132
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,975
I acted like a total drama queen.
That's not offensive, right?
133
00:07:15,224 --> 00:07:16,233
Still not gay.
134
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,958
You are clearly important to Robin,
135
00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:22,191
so why don't we all have dinner
tomorrow night?
136
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:23,358
Great!
137
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,028
Looking forward to it.
138
00:07:26,485 --> 00:07:27,830
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
139
00:07:35,907 --> 00:07:37,557
I must have Robin back.
140
00:07:43,148 --> 00:07:44,344
You're kidding, right?
141
00:07:45,266 --> 00:07:48,227
I don't know what it is,
but I want Robin back.
142
00:07:48,586 --> 00:07:49,712
I know what it is.
143
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:52,737
You're like a little kid
who throws a toy away,
144
00:07:52,893 --> 00:07:55,151
and wants it back the second
another kid plays with it.
145
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:56,934
Maybe I wasn't done playing with it!
146
00:07:57,471 --> 00:07:58,554
Maybe I set it down
147
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,642
'cause I wanted to play
with some other stuff!
148
00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:03,795
You're ready.
149
00:08:04,164 --> 00:08:05,165
Ready for what?
150
00:08:05,525 --> 00:08:06,975
To read the letter.
151
00:08:07,604 --> 00:08:09,867
Kids,
the letter was a device I'd invented
152
00:08:09,992 --> 00:08:12,367
to remind myself
why I'd broken up with somebody.
153
00:08:12,774 --> 00:08:14,159
I'd been doing it for years.
154
00:08:14,837 --> 00:08:16,025
"Dear Future Ted:
155
00:08:16,837 --> 00:08:20,092
"never get back with Karen
because she's a pretentious snob.
156
00:08:20,722 --> 00:08:22,773
"Also, she cheated on you.
157
00:08:23,209 --> 00:08:25,077
"I'm sorry
you had to find out this way.
158
00:08:27,275 --> 00:08:29,172
"See, we're already
laughing about it."
159
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:31,960
"Dear Future Ted:
160
00:08:32,326 --> 00:08:34,100
"stay away from Natalie.
161
00:08:34,329 --> 00:08:36,063
"Or any girl
who can pin you to the ground
162
00:08:36,188 --> 00:08:38,142
"and beat you senseless
in front of a crowd.
163
00:08:39,372 --> 00:08:40,372
"P.S.:
164
00:08:40,945 --> 00:08:44,471
"please consult a therapist
about why that turned you on."
165
00:08:46,423 --> 00:08:48,983
"Dear Relationship Genius:
166
00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:51,398
"Stella left you at the altar.
167
00:08:52,148 --> 00:08:53,707
"You may never love again
168
00:08:54,669 --> 00:08:56,435
"and will probably die alone."
169
00:09:00,586 --> 00:09:02,791
It doesn't look so sad
written in calligraphy.
170
00:09:04,509 --> 00:09:06,962
So when Barney and Robin
broke up the previous fall...
171
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,024
Dating Robin was a huge mistake.
172
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:10,900
- Write that down.
- What?
173
00:09:11,025 --> 00:09:12,569
Write yourself a letter.
174
00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,531
That way, when you miss Robin...
175
00:09:14,656 --> 00:09:17,306
and you will... you can remind yourself
why you broke up.
176
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,474
Gladly.
177
00:09:19,369 --> 00:09:20,369
"Dear
178
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,519
"Future Barney... "
179
00:09:23,949 --> 00:09:25,230
This ink is cool.
180
00:09:25,572 --> 00:09:26,788
Right?
181
00:09:27,404 --> 00:09:28,404
"You "
182
00:09:28,749 --> 00:09:29,693
"and Robin... "
183
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,426
"Were a terrible couple.
184
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,030
"You just didn't work.
185
00:09:33,468 --> 00:09:36,450
"Sure, you'll always love Robin,
but remember other women?
186
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:39,873
"More importantly,
remember other boobs?
187
00:09:40,775 --> 00:09:43,040
"And all the cool stuff
you can do with boobs:
188
00:09:43,922 --> 00:09:45,960
"Nuzzle, juggle,
189
00:09:46,346 --> 00:09:47,377
"honka-honka.
190
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:50,823
"I guess
I'm just a hopeless romantic."
191
00:09:52,604 --> 00:09:54,760
Then there's just a bunch
of drawings of boobs.
192
00:09:56,236 --> 00:09:58,401
- You get it now?
- Yeah, I get it.
193
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,203
I definitely want her back.
194
00:10:03,662 --> 00:10:06,396
I don't think human beings were
ever meant to sleep in the same bed.
195
00:10:06,782 --> 00:10:10,234
Sex and sleep got all jumbled together,
but they're different things.
196
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,323
I know.
197
00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:13,622
I love you, but I want this new bed
198
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,990
to be a sanctuary for sleep
and sleep alone.
199
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,243
Me, too.
And some light snacking, but that's it.
200
00:10:21,210 --> 00:10:22,788
You know what we should get?
201
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:25,249
We should get a third bed
just for sex.
202
00:10:26,264 --> 00:10:27,699
Yes.
A sex bed.
203
00:10:27,824 --> 00:10:29,586
A dirty, dirty sex bed.
204
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,339
It's genius! That way, each bed
would have a specific purpose.
205
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:33,442
Exactly.
206
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:36,093
We'll have two sleep beds,
a sex bed,
207
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:39,721
and I'm thinking a beanbag chair
just for special birthday stuff.
208
00:10:40,012 --> 00:10:42,599
Baby, did we just revolutionize
modern marriage?
209
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,684
Damn straight.
210
00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:53,360
I hope you like sushi.
211
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:57,510
How cool is it that Don makes sushi?
He learned while on assignment in Japan.
212
00:10:58,506 --> 00:11:00,088
Ring worm-ilicious.
213
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,704
Be nice. You only want her
'cause you can't have her.
214
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:07,332
If I said you can sit anywhere
in this room except that chair.
215
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,668
- Are you so petty that you...
- My chair!
216
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:11,837
Spicy tuna
217
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,463
with jalapeno?
My favorite.
218
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,966
Mine, too. I love spicy food.
The hotter the better.
219
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,427
I love spicy stuff, too,
probably more than you do.
220
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:20,121
Check it.
221
00:11:20,707 --> 00:11:21,707
Don't.
222
00:11:22,909 --> 00:11:24,140
Super-mild.
223
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,609
I'm not feeling it!
224
00:11:29,026 --> 00:11:31,648
Lily, you won't believe it.
It's the craziest thing.
225
00:11:31,932 --> 00:11:33,456
Don has twin beds, too.
226
00:11:33,581 --> 00:11:35,736
My God! We just got twin beds.
227
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:37,863
Great, great.
228
00:11:38,694 --> 00:11:40,675
That great didn't sound so great.
229
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:44,401
My ex-wife and I thought they'd be good,
but we started to drift apart.
230
00:11:46,077 --> 00:11:48,999
Yeah, but I bet you didn't have
another bed just for sex.
231
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,620
No, but she did,
at her personal trainer's house.
232
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,921
This chili is like
an ice cube in my mouth.
233
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,914
I will say this. I'm going to get a
king-size bed
234
00:11:58,039 --> 00:11:59,509
if Robin decides to move in.
235
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,016
I'd like that...
236
00:12:02,141 --> 00:12:03,407
if I move in.
237
00:12:03,532 --> 00:12:04,942
If you move in.
238
00:12:06,289 --> 00:12:07,368
Tokyo Don,
239
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,594
you ever do this back in Japan?
240
00:12:09,719 --> 00:12:11,270
- Wasabi!
- Barney, don't.
241
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:14,399
Awesome!
242
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,361
- Get him some milk.
- Spit it out, Barney.
243
00:12:18,036 --> 00:12:19,524
We're out of milk,
244
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:21,782
but thanks for the reminder, Robin.
245
00:12:24,188 --> 00:12:25,118
That's sweet.
246
00:12:26,297 --> 00:12:27,454
I hope you're happy.
247
00:12:28,067 --> 00:12:29,672
I stand by what I did.
248
00:12:29,797 --> 00:12:31,828
It was bold and romantic.
249
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,586
You soiled yourself from both ends
of your body.
250
00:12:36,024 --> 00:12:39,153
You have done tons of stupid stuff
to impress Robin.
251
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:43,336
Yeah, I did, but I don't anymore,
'cause I'm over her, just like you are.
252
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,739
You are not over her.
You want her back
253
00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:48,350
just as much as I do.
You just won't let yourself go there.
254
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:51,561
That is ridiculous.
And I'll tell you why.
255
00:12:53,802 --> 00:12:55,482
"For my biographer"
256
00:12:56,474 --> 00:12:59,099
Just, focus on the letter, okay?
257
00:13:00,306 --> 00:13:01,419
"Dear Ted... "
258
00:13:01,544 --> 00:13:03,259
"Robin is the perfect girl for you,
259
00:13:03,384 --> 00:13:05,437
"but she doesn't want
a serious relationship.
260
00:13:05,562 --> 00:13:07,504
"You need someone
who wants to settle down,
261
00:13:07,629 --> 00:13:09,672
"so until Robin's ready
for that next step,
262
00:13:09,797 --> 00:13:11,348
"she's not your girl
263
00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:16,727
"Still, I'll always remember stealing
her the blue French horn,
264
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,699
"our first kiss,
the look in her eye when she told me
265
00:13:21,848 --> 00:13:23,148
"she loved me... "
266
00:13:25,117 --> 00:13:26,117
Damn it.
267
00:13:26,945 --> 00:13:28,348
Now I want her back.
268
00:13:33,683 --> 00:13:36,718
So, that night, your Uncle Barney
and I sat down to have a calm,
269
00:13:36,843 --> 00:13:39,734
rational discussion about
who deserved Robin more.
270
00:13:40,181 --> 00:13:42,404
I stole her a blue French horn!
271
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:46,005
I dated her for a year. I wanted
her to be the mother of my children
272
00:13:46,130 --> 00:13:48,160
and spend eternity in her arms!
273
00:13:49,488 --> 00:13:52,676
I want to have sex with her
at least one more time!
274
00:13:52,801 --> 00:13:54,047
She is mine!
275
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,085
She's not yours,
and she's not mine, either.
276
00:13:57,416 --> 00:13:58,998
She's Don's.
277
00:13:59,123 --> 00:14:00,338
You're right.
278
00:14:01,096 --> 00:14:02,549
We gotta get rid of that guy.
279
00:14:05,523 --> 00:14:06,761
Figuratively.
280
00:14:07,351 --> 00:14:08,263
Of course.
281
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,226
Or...
282
00:14:09,351 --> 00:14:10,480
literally.
283
00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:16,605
My God, Ted, this is how it starts!
This is how it starts.
284
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,179
I'm scared, Teddy.
285
00:14:19,527 --> 00:14:22,269
Two guys talking.
It's just two guys talking.
286
00:14:24,882 --> 00:14:26,077
I'm worried.
287
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,714
I don't want to get divorced.
288
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,288
That's Don.
289
00:14:33,865 --> 00:14:35,049
That's not us.
290
00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:38,084
Our new sleeping arrangement
is going to bring us closer together.
291
00:14:39,315 --> 00:14:40,795
Now get out of my bed.
292
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,007
Can we at least push 'em together?
293
00:14:44,359 --> 00:14:45,300
Sure!
294
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,637
You meant the beds.
No, I don't want to do that.
295
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:49,804
Why not?
296
00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:52,604
I love you more than life itself,
297
00:14:52,729 --> 00:14:54,421
but you're a million degrees.
298
00:14:54,546 --> 00:14:57,419
Honestly, I'm surprised your hourly pee
breaks aren't just steam.
299
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,669
You're no picnic in bed, either.
300
00:14:59,794 --> 00:15:02,095
Except for the food and the ants.
But,
301
00:15:02,447 --> 00:15:04,444
I still want to be next to you.
302
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,197
Why? So you can kick me
and slap me all night?
303
00:15:07,628 --> 00:15:10,816
I swear, the second you fall asleep,
it's like you grow extra limbs.
304
00:15:10,941 --> 00:15:13,161
It's like spooning
with the Hindu deity Ganesh.
305
00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:20,293
- Want to push 'em together?
- You still talking about the beds?
306
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,032
Get over here.
307
00:15:27,829 --> 00:15:29,803
I'll take her name.
I don't care.
308
00:15:30,337 --> 00:15:33,442
Wait. How about this?
We share her.
309
00:15:33,970 --> 00:15:37,644
I'll take her until she's 40,
and then you can have her after that.
310
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:43,204
Who are we kidding? She's with Don now.
We just have to accept that
311
00:15:43,473 --> 00:15:45,079
- and move on.
- You're right.
312
00:15:45,618 --> 00:15:47,434
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go to the buh...
313
00:15:47,559 --> 00:15:49,075
I'm gonna go to the bathroom,
314
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,833
and then I'll skedaddle.
315
00:15:58,392 --> 00:15:59,728
It's Barn Door.
316
00:15:59,853 --> 00:16:01,673
Guess what?
I'm open.
317
00:16:01,798 --> 00:16:04,345
Barn Door, hang on.
I'm getting another call.
318
00:16:07,418 --> 00:16:10,008
It's Teddy Bear.
Need a little honey?
319
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,238
Ted, hang on.
320
00:16:15,305 --> 00:16:17,274
Barney,
I'm gonna have to call you back.
321
00:16:17,399 --> 00:16:20,368
Ted's on the other line,
and, I think he's in trouble.
322
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,309
Ted's calling you?
He's in trouble, all right.
323
00:16:25,213 --> 00:16:26,362
Ted, what's up?
324
00:16:26,487 --> 00:16:28,788
You have pretty hair.
That's what's up.
325
00:16:29,186 --> 00:16:30,686
And down. Your back.
326
00:16:38,776 --> 00:16:41,108
We almost let that
get out of control.
327
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:42,233
Agreed.
328
00:16:42,913 --> 00:16:46,087
I'm gonna get out of here
before we do something we regret.
329
00:16:47,893 --> 00:16:49,549
Robin, I love you!
330
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:50,999
You son of a bitch!
331
00:16:53,365 --> 00:16:56,319
- I brought you the blue French horn!
- I brought you the blue French horn!
332
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,517
Ted's just holding it for me!
Sorry, buddy. All's fair.
333
00:17:01,745 --> 00:17:03,514
Guys, what are you doing?
334
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,273
We're here to win you back!
335
00:17:07,597 --> 00:17:09,097
Why don't you come upstairs?
336
00:17:12,472 --> 00:17:13,531
All right,
337
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,656
Don...
338
00:17:14,781 --> 00:17:16,386
let's settle this...
you,
339
00:17:16,609 --> 00:17:17,816
me and Ted.
340
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:19,788
A three-way.
341
00:17:21,086 --> 00:17:23,833
Robin and I have to go do our show,
so why don't you have
342
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,002
a seat on the couch,
watch some television,
343
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,921
and we'll talk when we get back,
okay?
344
00:17:28,658 --> 00:17:31,466
You give up easy.
Game, set, match!
345
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,037
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
346
00:17:37,875 --> 00:17:40,475
Where's this TV
you've been bragging about?
347
00:17:40,969 --> 00:17:41,935
Right here.
348
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,318
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
349
00:17:51,582 --> 00:17:52,445
Good night.
350
00:17:52,859 --> 00:17:54,359
Night-night, Papa.
351
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,968
- That was nice.
- Yeah.
352
00:18:01,308 --> 00:18:03,359
Welps, you gots to go.
353
00:18:04,203 --> 00:18:05,203
What?
354
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:06,734
I'm sorry.
355
00:18:06,980 --> 00:18:09,101
That was a blast, and you're great,
356
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:11,269
but I have to be up early, so...
357
00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,759
You're just kicking me out?
358
00:18:17,238 --> 00:18:18,715
You knew what this was.
359
00:18:25,761 --> 00:18:26,813
Lily, wait.
360
00:18:29,171 --> 00:18:31,409
Don't forget your sweatshirt.
Nice try.
361
00:18:33,753 --> 00:18:35,447
Teddy Bear! Barn Door!
362
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,615
Papa?
363
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,700
Rise and shine, jackasses!
364
00:18:39,484 --> 00:18:41,411
Do you remember anything
from last night?
365
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,461
Boy, was Ted drunk.
366
00:18:45,586 --> 00:18:46,914
Embarrassing!
367
00:18:49,926 --> 00:18:52,005
I'm really sorry.
We both are.
368
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,582
We were drunk and stupid, but,
369
00:18:56,672 --> 00:19:00,388
we're gonna do anything we can to make
sure that Don feels a part of the group.
370
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,975
He's not going to be
a part of the group.
371
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,810
And neither am I.
372
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,645
At least for a while.
373
00:19:10,051 --> 00:19:11,797
This thing with Don is real,
374
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,176
and I want to see where it goes.
375
00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:17,047
And I'll never be able to do that
if I keep hanging out
376
00:19:17,172 --> 00:19:19,180
with my ex-boyfriends all the time.
377
00:19:19,305 --> 00:19:20,575
It just won't work.
378
00:19:23,281 --> 00:19:24,579
I'm moving in with Don.
379
00:19:49,283 --> 00:19:51,064
So, what's going on with Robin?
380
00:19:51,521 --> 00:19:53,337
You were right.
She was just mad.
381
00:19:53,462 --> 00:19:56,511
It's been four days, she hasn't said
another word about moving out, but.
382
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:59,030
We can never pull crap like that
ever again.
383
00:19:59,371 --> 00:20:00,320
Agreed.
384
00:20:00,445 --> 00:20:01,445
In fact,
385
00:20:01,726 --> 00:20:03,847
I even wrote myself another letter.
386
00:20:04,068 --> 00:20:05,603
"Dear Future Barney, "
387
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:09,115
"You think you want Robin back again,
but you really don't.
388
00:20:09,478 --> 00:20:11,543
"Let her go.
Sincerely,
389
00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:13,216
past Barney. "
390
00:20:14,341 --> 00:20:16,310
- Let me see that.
- Give it to me.
391
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,134
"That top part was just for Ted.
Did he buy it? Good.
392
00:20:20,991 --> 00:20:22,503
"Get back together "with Robin,
393
00:20:22,628 --> 00:20:25,139
don't mention your plan to Ted 'cause
he'll just screw it up again. "
394
00:20:26,547 --> 00:20:28,643
"And then there's more drawings
of boobs."
395
00:20:30,648 --> 00:20:32,007
In my defense...
396
00:20:32,629 --> 00:20:34,649
- how great are boobs?
- They're pretty great.
29177
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