Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,567 --> 00:00:02,328
Kids, in many of my stories,
2
00:00:02,453 --> 00:00:05,783
I'm a starry-eyed romantic
on a noble search for true love.
3
00:00:06,070 --> 00:00:08,289
In this one, I'm just a jerk.
4
00:00:08,986 --> 00:00:11,186
Well, guys, tonight is the night.
5
00:00:12,047 --> 00:00:16,051
I'm inviting Tiffany up to my place
to see my antique camera collection.
6
00:00:16,492 --> 00:00:18,111
- It's Ted's bait.
- "Bait"?
7
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,414
A true gentleman invents a pretense
8
00:00:20,539 --> 00:00:22,800
to lure an honorable lady
into his apartment.
9
00:00:22,925 --> 00:00:25,224
Some item of interest
or beauty you can both
10
00:00:25,349 --> 00:00:28,319
pretend to admire for five minutes
before she hops on your disco stick.
11
00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:32,850
Like she's coming up to "borrow a book"
or "check out an album on vinyl. "
12
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,898
Or to see your new rap poster.
13
00:00:35,023 --> 00:00:37,202
"Rap poster"?
Who would that work on?
14
00:00:37,722 --> 00:00:41,165
It was the first week of college.
I was really into Wu-Tang Clan.
15
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,779
Yeah, bait is tricky.
16
00:00:43,904 --> 00:00:46,600
It has to be something interesting
enough to get the girl upstairs,
17
00:00:46,725 --> 00:00:48,839
but not so interesting
that it overpowers the night.
18
00:00:49,301 --> 00:00:51,342
I found that a slot machine
was too fun.
19
00:00:55,606 --> 00:00:56,764
And a trampoline...
20
00:00:57,809 --> 00:00:59,620
turned out to be too dangerous.
21
00:01:00,979 --> 00:01:03,539
But then I found the perfect bait:
22
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,287
a teacup pig.
23
00:01:07,653 --> 00:01:09,652
"A teacup pig"?
Who's that working on?
24
00:01:09,863 --> 00:01:12,738
- You have a teacup pig?! I
- Didn't know you had a teacup pig!
25
00:01:14,058 --> 00:01:16,829
- Can I borrow your teacup pig?
- Yes, you can.
26
00:01:17,204 --> 00:01:20,056
You have a teacup pig?! My gosh!
I can't believe you have a teacup pig!
27
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:23,277
You're just so cute!
Yes, you are the cutest piggy ever!
28
00:01:24,244 --> 00:01:25,000
What?
29
00:01:25,672 --> 00:01:28,295
Were you always this pretty?
Or are you going to give me that whole,
30
00:01:28,507 --> 00:01:30,839
"In high school I was
really shy and awkward" line?
31
00:01:31,051 --> 00:01:32,947
I was shy and awkward.
32
00:01:33,072 --> 00:01:35,969
I was, like, a hundred pounds heavier
and I had these crazy buck teeth.
33
00:01:36,223 --> 00:01:39,054
- Seriously?
- No, I've always been hot.
34
00:01:39,412 --> 00:01:41,162
What are you going to do?
35
00:01:44,231 --> 00:01:46,539
Do you know who else
would love this teacup pig?
36
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:49,274
My boyfriend.
37
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,752
Synchro: ShalimarFox, -Titou-
38
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:04,123
..: www.sous-titres.eu :..
39
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,375
- You have a boyfriend?
- I know.
40
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,544
So annoying, right?
I mean, he's
41
00:02:08,755 --> 00:02:10,337
not really my boyfriend.
42
00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:13,924
- Good.
- I mean, technically, he kind of is.
43
00:02:14,561 --> 00:02:15,759
Is he or isn't he?
44
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:18,782
Some of both,
but definitely not either.
45
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,522
Are you getting any of this?
46
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,518
Look, I really like you.
47
00:02:24,938 --> 00:02:26,882
I just need you to be patient.
48
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:30,008
I don't want to lose you,
Big Brown Eyes.
49
00:02:33,713 --> 00:02:36,513
Somebody doesn't want to lose
Big Brown Eyes.
50
00:02:38,799 --> 00:02:40,448
She's got you on the hook.
51
00:02:40,573 --> 00:02:42,494
What? What?
I'm not on the hook.
52
00:02:42,751 --> 00:02:44,747
You are totally on the hook.
53
00:02:44,958 --> 00:02:47,626
She's stringing you along.
She's not committing to you,
54
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,696
but she's keeping you
around just in case,
55
00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:52,382
like an old can of chili
in the pantry.
56
00:02:53,222 --> 00:02:55,934
Who's buying canned chili
and not eating it immediately?
57
00:02:56,059 --> 00:02:57,259
Amen, sister.
58
00:02:58,972 --> 00:03:01,707
Don't feel bad. We've all been there.
I've been on both sides of it.
59
00:03:01,832 --> 00:03:04,558
I've been a hookey and a hooker.
Move past it, guys.
60
00:03:04,972 --> 00:03:07,811
I've been a little bit loose,
but money never changed hands.
61
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,295
I've been on the hook.
62
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:11,832
Lisa Walker.
63
00:03:12,203 --> 00:03:15,952
Picture it:
1994, St. Cloud, Minnesota.
64
00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:19,437
So I was, like, thinking, Lisa...
65
00:03:21,210 --> 00:03:24,398
do you maybe want to,
like, go out with me?
66
00:03:25,907 --> 00:03:27,080
That sounds great.
67
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,501
But I'm sort of seeing this guy.
He's got a LeBaron convertible
68
00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:34,004
and an "in" at the roller rink,
so I'd hate to burn that bridge.
69
00:03:36,108 --> 00:03:37,258
I understand.
70
00:03:38,570 --> 00:03:39,927
But how about this?
71
00:03:40,226 --> 00:03:43,013
You can be my secret boyfriend
who does all my homework for me.
72
00:03:46,288 --> 00:03:47,288
A'ight.
73
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,604
You want to see my rap poster?
74
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:52,589
Poster whore.
75
00:03:53,418 --> 00:03:54,274
Anyway...
76
00:03:54,486 --> 00:03:58,343
Lisa Walker strung me
along for months until one night,
77
00:03:59,069 --> 00:04:01,698
I went to go tell her
how much I loved her.
78
00:04:03,002 --> 00:04:03,951
In song.
79
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,966
She wasn't home yet, so I waited.
80
00:04:10,486 --> 00:04:11,523
And waited.
81
00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:16,867
I woke up four hours later,covered in snow.
82
00:04:17,685 --> 00:04:19,471
And that's when I saw it.
83
00:04:20,962 --> 00:04:22,362
Lisa's footsteps.
84
00:04:22,781 --> 00:04:25,792
She had walked right over me
and into the house.
85
00:04:27,519 --> 00:04:30,435
It was the best thing that could've
happened. It got me off her hook.
86
00:04:30,647 --> 00:04:33,449
Okay, that is definitely not
what's going on with me and Tiffany.
87
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:34,523
Listen to this.
88
00:04:35,093 --> 00:04:37,629
I'm really into you.
89
00:04:38,363 --> 00:04:41,134
I just can't be with you right now.
90
00:04:44,627 --> 00:04:48,453
Ted, "right no" is the classic
on-the-hook catchphrase.
91
00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:51,308
"Right now" paints a picture of
some sort of magical future time
92
00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:55,252
when everything will work out, but
the truth is, that will never happen.
93
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,136
It's like this.
"I can't be with you. "
94
00:04:59,522 --> 00:05:00,672
"Right now. "
95
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,173
I think my high school boyfriend,
is still sort of on the hook for me.
96
00:05:08,298 --> 00:05:10,226
Sort of?
He totally is.
97
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:13,061
The poor guy showed up at our
wedding hoping to win you back.
98
00:05:14,566 --> 00:05:16,370
It's sometimes weird
when I see him at work.
99
00:05:16,495 --> 00:05:17,545
Wait. What?
100
00:05:18,794 --> 00:05:21,715
Scooter works in the school cafeteria.
We've talked about this.
101
00:05:22,557 --> 00:05:23,614
Lily. Nice dress.
102
00:05:23,992 --> 00:05:25,042
Tater-tots?
103
00:05:29,539 --> 00:05:31,680
We most certainly have
not talked about this!
104
00:05:31,805 --> 00:05:34,622
Yes, we have.
I've mentioned it tons of times.
105
00:05:34,747 --> 00:05:36,347
"Lunch Lady Scooter. "
106
00:05:36,663 --> 00:05:38,353
I thought that you were referring
107
00:05:38,478 --> 00:05:40,836
to some sort of long overdue
device that carries around
108
00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:43,131
those poor,
underappreciated lunch ladies!
109
00:05:44,391 --> 00:05:45,969
This explains a lot.
110
00:05:46,599 --> 00:05:48,802
Lunch Lady Scooter
was there again today.
111
00:05:49,858 --> 00:05:52,479
Did you jump on that thing?
Give it a ride?
112
00:05:53,772 --> 00:05:55,952
Really? If it were me,
I'd be riding that scooter
113
00:05:56,077 --> 00:05:58,732
all day long until I broke
that thang in half.
114
00:06:00,153 --> 00:06:02,319
So those poor women still
have to walk everywhere?
115
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,046
Wait. Scooter is working
at your school?!
116
00:06:06,424 --> 00:06:07,724
Are you jealous?
117
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,487
No, I just feel bad for Scooter.
118
00:06:10,612 --> 00:06:13,287
'Cause the reason he took that job
is he thinks he has a shot with you.
119
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,367
You have to make it clear
that he doesn't,
120
00:06:15,492 --> 00:06:17,527
so that he can move on
and a real lunch lady
121
00:06:17,652 --> 00:06:19,480
can get her job back. Damn!
122
00:06:19,605 --> 00:06:20,655
I've tried.
123
00:06:22,968 --> 00:06:25,645
I saw you had seventh period free.
So do I.
124
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:27,803
You want to run away together?
125
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:30,322
Let me be clear, Scooter.
126
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:34,102
There is no way you and I
can ever be together.
127
00:06:43,096 --> 00:06:44,096
Right now.
128
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:47,280
I'll see you tomorrow, Lily.
It's Tijuana Tuesday.
129
00:06:49,155 --> 00:06:50,255
"Right now"?
130
00:06:51,535 --> 00:06:52,828
You right-now'd Scooter?
131
00:06:53,654 --> 00:06:55,622
You need to let him
off the hook once and for all.
132
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:59,304
You're right. Day after tomorrow,
that's exactly what I'm going to do.
133
00:06:59,429 --> 00:07:00,631
Why not tomorrow?
134
00:07:00,756 --> 00:07:03,643
Baby, I can't ruin Tijuana Tuesday.
135
00:07:05,963 --> 00:07:06,842
Really?
136
00:07:07,121 --> 00:07:09,685
You're really going to sit here
all night watching the door
137
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:12,472
because Tiffany said
she'll "try to stop by"?
138
00:07:12,684 --> 00:07:14,981
Barney, I'm not going
to just give up on her.
139
00:07:15,106 --> 00:07:17,106
I should have given up on her.
140
00:07:17,799 --> 00:07:19,349
This girl is special.
141
00:07:19,618 --> 00:07:21,068
She was the devil.
142
00:07:22,694 --> 00:07:24,415
Things are going
to work out with her.
143
00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:26,340
No, they're not, dumbass.
144
00:07:27,393 --> 00:07:30,532
Ted, let me be clear:
this girl is a poison
145
00:07:30,657 --> 00:07:33,201
and you need to cut her
out of your life forever.
146
00:07:35,546 --> 00:07:36,663
There she is.
147
00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:41,460
She brought some of her coworkers.
148
00:07:45,656 --> 00:07:46,840
Hang on to this girl.
149
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,509
Hang on to her and never let go!
150
00:07:56,283 --> 00:07:58,393
These are some of the
hottest girls I've ever seen.
151
00:07:58,736 --> 00:08:00,826
And they all work with Tiffany?
152
00:08:01,627 --> 00:08:03,989
There could only be
one explanation for this.
153
00:08:06,179 --> 00:08:07,682
Is Tiffany a ph...
154
00:08:07,807 --> 00:08:10,071
pharmaceutical sales rep?
155
00:08:10,248 --> 00:08:13,409
- Yeah, how did you know that?
- And you never thought to mention that?
156
00:08:14,859 --> 00:08:16,286
What? It's just a job.
157
00:08:17,636 --> 00:08:20,424
Just a j... just a jo...
158
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,657
Ted, throughout time
159
00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:26,220
there has always been one
cutting-edge profession
160
00:08:26,345 --> 00:08:29,086
to which hot girls,
like Tiffany, have flocked.
161
00:08:29,211 --> 00:08:31,885
- Shall I walk you through the history?
- I'm gonna explicitly say no.
162
00:08:32,062 --> 00:08:34,825
It all started
2.5 million years ago.
163
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:37,181
Man was a hunter.
164
00:08:37,499 --> 00:08:39,927
So, the hottestprofession of the day?
165
00:08:40,278 --> 00:08:41,186
Gatherer.
166
00:08:41,363 --> 00:08:43,438
Homo erectus indeed.
167
00:08:46,916 --> 00:08:48,803
As man mastered technology,
168
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,904
the hottest profession
of the day evolved.
169
00:08:51,029 --> 00:08:54,282
I'm pretty sure it's a hernia.
Can you check again?
170
00:08:57,792 --> 00:09:00,478
And then, man took to the skies.
171
00:09:00,603 --> 00:09:03,959
And so, hot women put on high heels
and became stewardesses
172
00:09:05,915 --> 00:09:08,171
I am in the upright
and locked position.
173
00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:14,886
And then man said, "Life is hard.
174
00:09:15,011 --> 00:09:17,305
I should start taking
lots of prescription drugs. "
175
00:09:17,482 --> 00:09:20,281
And so, hot girls
rolled into doctors' offices,
176
00:09:20,406 --> 00:09:22,701
looking sexy enough to render
the very erection pills
177
00:09:22,826 --> 00:09:24,321
they peddled ironically redundant.
178
00:09:24,954 --> 00:09:28,692
So now, pharma girls are today's
hottest profession.
179
00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:32,487
Big Brown Eyes.
How you doing?
180
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,139
I'm good.
181
00:09:35,214 --> 00:09:38,076
By the way, you, you ditch
that loser boyfriend yet?
182
00:09:38,253 --> 00:09:39,253
No, sir.
183
00:09:43,155 --> 00:09:44,374
Touched my nose.
184
00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:48,145
Dude, ditch Tiffany
and join the Barnacle
185
00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:50,105
in a pharma girl free-for-all.
186
00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:52,709
Side effects may include
loss of clothing, rug burn,
187
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:55,223
shortness of breath and sore
abdominals the next morning.
188
00:09:55,348 --> 00:09:56,928
What in the world is up?!
189
00:10:01,978 --> 00:10:05,270
I know that you've been having trouble
letting Scooter off the hook.
190
00:10:05,566 --> 00:10:07,437
I decided what you need is practice.
191
00:10:07,562 --> 00:10:10,358
Now, you say
the problem is his cute, sad eyes?
192
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,378
Well...
193
00:10:19,669 --> 00:10:21,030
All right, shut it, woman.
194
00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:24,463
Now,
I want you to look at this teacup pig
195
00:10:24,588 --> 00:10:28,051
and tell him that there's no way
that you could ever be with him.
196
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:32,360
Teacup Pig,
197
00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:37,144
there is no way
I can ever be with you.
198
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:46,570
Right now.
199
00:10:46,773 --> 00:10:48,435
Come on!
Grow a pair!
200
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:49,910
I'm sorry, but...
201
00:10:50,533 --> 00:10:52,483
he's just so freakin' cute.
202
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:54,872
I just want to cuddle him
all day long.
203
00:10:54,997 --> 00:10:56,946
- Yes, I do.
- You know, that's funny.
204
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:59,874
I remember when you used to say
things like that about me.
205
00:10:59,999 --> 00:11:01,034
I still do.
206
00:11:02,075 --> 00:11:03,475
Not as much, Lily.
207
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:05,848
Not as much.
208
00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:10,126
Ain't no party
like a pharma girl party.
209
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,110
'Cause a pharma girl party
don't stop!
210
00:11:12,235 --> 00:11:14,936
Dude, I have already hooked up
with three of them.
211
00:11:15,186 --> 00:11:15,997
Fantasmo.
212
00:11:16,122 --> 00:11:19,344
Plus, my cholesterol is down.
My restless legs syndrome is cured.
213
00:11:19,521 --> 00:11:21,262
I've never felt more alive.
214
00:11:22,675 --> 00:11:25,725
Guys, great news.
Tiffany broke up with her boyfriend.
215
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:29,185
- Proof that I am not on the hook.
- You're still on the hook.
216
00:11:29,891 --> 00:11:31,740
Listen to how we spent last night.
217
00:11:32,221 --> 00:11:33,951
First, we cuddled.
218
00:11:36,083 --> 00:11:37,197
Then,
219
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,478
we shared chocolate cake.
220
00:11:40,396 --> 00:11:43,952
Then, well, I don't usually
join in on locker room talk,
221
00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:47,965
but I gave her
a pretty sensual foot rub.
222
00:11:49,596 --> 00:11:53,042
And let me guess,
it didn't go any further than that.
223
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,421
No, but...
224
00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:59,050
And tell me, did you by any chance
make that chocolate cake?
225
00:12:00,812 --> 00:12:02,220
- It was a mix.
- Dude.
226
00:12:02,686 --> 00:12:04,713
There's no shame in admitting it,
Ted.
227
00:12:04,838 --> 00:12:08,842
We've all been on people's hooks
and we've all kept someone on the hook.
228
00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:11,167
I most certainly have not.
229
00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:13,500
- What?
- Are you joking?
230
00:12:13,995 --> 00:12:16,747
What about that girl
from the university library?
231
00:12:16,872 --> 00:12:17,870
Henrietta?
232
00:12:18,125 --> 00:12:20,185
Henrietta and I are just friends.
233
00:12:20,310 --> 00:12:22,265
She is so on your hook.
234
00:12:22,390 --> 00:12:24,121
Absolutely not.
235
00:12:24,246 --> 00:12:25,546
She totally was.
236
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,587
I mean...
237
00:12:27,802 --> 00:12:28,852
we cuddled.
238
00:12:31,469 --> 00:12:33,219
We shared chocolate cake.
239
00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:38,560
She gave me foot rubs... long ones.
240
00:12:38,685 --> 00:12:40,185
I'm not proud, kids.
241
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,838
You like having Henrietta around
242
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:45,185
for the reason
that Tiffany likes having you around,
243
00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:46,999
it's a nice little ego boost.
244
00:12:47,124 --> 00:12:50,309
No wonder you're such an expert
about keeping people on the hook.
245
00:12:50,434 --> 00:12:52,810
What about that poor camera guy
you work with?
246
00:12:52,935 --> 00:12:55,436
- Mike and I are just friends.
- Come on.
247
00:12:58,932 --> 00:13:00,282
That's the stuff.
248
00:13:00,407 --> 00:13:04,034
Robin, have you ever thought about
taking us to the next level?
249
00:13:04,313 --> 00:13:06,627
If you're talking about
doing my laundry, I'm on board.
250
00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:09,075
You got yourself a deal.
251
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,937
What?!
I am not keeping Mike on the hook.
252
00:13:13,062 --> 00:13:14,860
You are Captain Hook.
253
00:13:14,985 --> 00:13:16,311
Dude, I'm a girl.
254
00:13:16,436 --> 00:13:18,874
Our girl parts are like a spiderweb.
255
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,798
Sometimes you'll catch
stuff you don't want.
256
00:13:21,961 --> 00:13:23,685
That doesn't make it okay.
257
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:27,246
And Henrietta is in, in no way
wasting her time with you, right?
258
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,263
Henrietta knows
that we're just friends.
259
00:13:29,388 --> 00:13:32,334
In fact, I'm gonna call her up
and hang out with her tonight,
260
00:13:32,529 --> 00:13:34,062
as friends.
261
00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:38,560
I love you. What?
Do you want a foot massage?
262
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,527
'Cause I've been practicing
on myself.
263
00:13:40,911 --> 00:13:41,911
I'm good.
264
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,762
I didn't know if you were hungry,
so I threw together some...
265
00:13:45,887 --> 00:13:47,387
it's not a big deal.
266
00:13:47,512 --> 00:13:48,702
Kids, looking back,
267
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:52,247
I don't know how I didn't see
that Henrietta was in love with me.
268
00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:00,763
I'm going out of town this weekend
for my friend's wedding.
269
00:14:00,888 --> 00:14:02,338
Want to be my date?
270
00:14:02,587 --> 00:14:05,102
I would love to.
What are you doing right now?
271
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:06,583
God, no.
272
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,264
Awesome.
I'll see you in, like, ten minutes?
273
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:10,598
Great.
274
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,721
Sorry, Henrietta, something came up.
275
00:14:13,846 --> 00:14:15,270
Take a rain check, pal?
276
00:14:15,668 --> 00:14:16,771
It's no problem.
277
00:14:18,152 --> 00:14:19,352
You're strong.
278
00:14:19,645 --> 00:14:20,745
What a jerk.
279
00:14:22,812 --> 00:14:23,921
Henrietta, I...
280
00:14:24,701 --> 00:14:25,947
Wait. Where did Ted go?
281
00:14:26,138 --> 00:14:27,615
I thought we'll meet him.
282
00:14:27,792 --> 00:14:29,396
Something came up, okay, Mom?
283
00:14:30,659 --> 00:14:32,512
I told you there was no Ted.
284
00:14:32,637 --> 00:14:33,747
I heard that.
285
00:14:37,988 --> 00:14:39,031
So there I was,
286
00:14:39,156 --> 00:14:42,297
at one of the surest signs of taking
a relationship to the next level,
287
00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,292
an out-of-town wedding.
288
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:45,906
It was finally happening.
289
00:14:46,031 --> 00:14:47,044
Champagne?
290
00:14:47,212 --> 00:14:49,964
Ted, my gosh, I forgot to call you.
291
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,474
Whatever it's you wanted to talk about,
we can do it now.
292
00:14:54,899 --> 00:14:57,227
This is Jack.
He's the best man at the wedding.
293
00:14:57,352 --> 00:14:59,153
We just got back together.
294
00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:02,692
Now that I think about it,
a phone call would have been nice.
295
00:15:03,325 --> 00:15:04,325
You're Ted?
296
00:15:06,624 --> 00:15:08,323
I hear you make
a mean chocolate cake.
297
00:15:11,463 --> 00:15:12,763
Isn't he great?
298
00:15:12,888 --> 00:15:14,918
And he's in a band.
299
00:15:16,096 --> 00:15:17,096
Thanks.
300
00:15:18,204 --> 00:15:20,290
Come on.
You have to get Scooter off the hook.
301
00:15:20,415 --> 00:15:21,461
Now, try again.
302
00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:23,698
Teacup Pig...
303
00:15:25,789 --> 00:15:27,425
I don't want to be with you.
304
00:15:35,537 --> 00:15:37,708
- Right now.
- Man up!
305
00:15:39,364 --> 00:15:40,510
Teacup Pig...
306
00:15:43,136 --> 00:15:44,567
I don't want to be with you.
307
00:15:50,139 --> 00:15:50,948
Ever.
308
00:15:51,412 --> 00:15:52,325
Finish him!
309
00:15:52,504 --> 00:15:54,388
We will never be together
310
00:15:54,513 --> 00:15:56,979
in any sort of sexual way
ever again.
311
00:15:57,104 --> 00:15:58,008
Nice.
312
00:15:59,661 --> 00:16:02,012
- A weird thing to say to a pig.
- It felt really wrong.
313
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:06,183
Anyway, I just don't think
you and I are going to work.
314
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,008
Right now.
315
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,078
And that's when it hit me.
316
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:12,607
I was on the hook.
317
00:16:12,732 --> 00:16:14,013
I also realized...
318
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:16,514
I missed this so much, baby.
319
00:16:16,639 --> 00:16:18,324
... Tiffany was on this guy's hook.
320
00:16:18,449 --> 00:16:19,696
It was a vicious cycle.
321
00:16:19,897 --> 00:16:21,294
Henrietta was on my hook.
322
00:16:21,419 --> 00:16:24,868
And years later, I found out
this bastard was on Henrietta's hook.
323
00:16:28,374 --> 00:16:29,665
You know what?
324
00:16:29,953 --> 00:16:32,073
We're not going to work ever.
325
00:16:33,419 --> 00:16:34,417
I'm done.
326
00:16:38,262 --> 00:16:41,824
And it's better for the circulation
if you knead the arches with thumbs.
327
00:16:41,949 --> 00:16:43,053
Now, I'm done.
328
00:16:46,888 --> 00:16:48,887
Marshall, I can do this by myself.
329
00:16:49,012 --> 00:16:50,174
Then prove it.
330
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,147
Grab me a pudding.
331
00:16:58,278 --> 00:16:59,637
Listen up, Scooter.
332
00:17:00,071 --> 00:17:02,895
There is no way
you and I will ever be together.
333
00:17:10,476 --> 00:17:11,573
Right now!
334
00:17:12,276 --> 00:17:14,573
I'm sorry, but he's adorable.
335
00:17:14,698 --> 00:17:15,575
Listen.
336
00:17:15,762 --> 00:17:17,838
- I don't want to be with you.
- Right now.
337
00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:20,329
Hang in there, Scoots!
I'm not going to live forever.
338
00:17:22,138 --> 00:17:24,497
Last night I was
with this pharma girl who was so hot,
339
00:17:24,622 --> 00:17:26,841
you should call a doctor
if you don't have an erection
340
00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:28,254
for more than four hours.
341
00:17:28,433 --> 00:17:29,883
Am I right, people?
342
00:17:30,727 --> 00:17:33,843
There's no people...
just the girl you most recently dated.
343
00:17:36,888 --> 00:17:38,931
I want you to meet
the newest pharma girl.
344
00:17:40,153 --> 00:17:42,300
Gladys Reynolds.
Nice to make your acquaintance.
345
00:17:42,425 --> 00:17:45,354
I represent statins
and other cholesterol-lowering drugs.
346
00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:48,087
Come on.
Let's go get our drink on.
347
00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:52,445
It's over.
348
00:17:52,702 --> 00:17:53,702
What's over?
349
00:17:54,636 --> 00:17:57,955
Pharma girls are
no longer exclusively hot chicks.
350
00:17:58,259 --> 00:17:59,638
It's the end of an era.
351
00:17:59,763 --> 00:18:01,412
You're being a little dramatic.
352
00:18:01,591 --> 00:18:02,591
Am I?
353
00:18:03,046 --> 00:18:04,946
It starts out with a Gladys.
354
00:18:05,071 --> 00:18:08,377
Next thing, a few not-so-fabulous
gay guys enter the ranks.
355
00:18:08,578 --> 00:18:11,208
And before you know it,
pharma girls look
356
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:14,898
like the crew on a Southwest flight
from Albuquerque to Little Rock.
357
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,062
It's over!
358
00:18:19,386 --> 00:18:21,638
So that night,
I went straight to Henrietta's...
359
00:18:21,763 --> 00:18:23,863
all set to let her off the hook.
360
00:18:32,989 --> 00:18:35,540
This is Jack.
He's the best man at the wedding.
361
00:18:40,262 --> 00:18:41,262
I'm done.
362
00:18:47,545 --> 00:18:49,377
The answer is yes!
363
00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:54,559
It gets worse.
364
00:18:55,011 --> 00:18:56,028
It's perfect!
365
00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:57,698
Mom, Dad!
366
00:18:57,823 --> 00:18:59,074
Ted proposed!
367
00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:01,848
I knew this day would come!
368
00:19:02,868 --> 00:19:03,638
Son!
369
00:19:03,763 --> 00:19:04,861
There's been a...
370
00:19:06,825 --> 00:19:08,073
What did you do?
371
00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,692
I seriously considered
372
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,203
just marrying her
out of sheer awkwardness.
373
00:19:14,205 --> 00:19:15,599
But I did what I had to do.
374
00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:18,725
I did what anyone
keeping someone on the hook should do.
375
00:19:19,431 --> 00:19:20,627
I broke her heart.
376
00:19:21,511 --> 00:19:24,881
Henrietta, I'm sorry if this is blunt,
but I think I owe you this.
377
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:28,596
I don't want to be with you.
378
00:19:29,661 --> 00:19:30,661
Right now?
379
00:19:32,227 --> 00:19:33,262
Ever.
380
00:19:35,511 --> 00:19:37,811
But we're still getting married,
right?
381
00:19:38,012 --> 00:19:40,402
It was... brutal.
382
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,683
I'm sorry, buddy.
383
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:44,976
Honesty is tough, but in the end,
384
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:47,237
it is the far kinder alternative.
385
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,625
Hey, sweetie.
386
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:53,920
Hey, Mike.
387
00:19:54,225 --> 00:19:56,246
I have to tell you something.
388
00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,249
Did you finish my delicates?
389
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,408
- Got one more load.
- It can wait.
390
00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:12,877
How's it going?
391
00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:15,254
Still in mourning
over the end of the pharma girl era?
392
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,507
I realized
that their reign had to end
393
00:20:18,632 --> 00:20:20,509
for some new hot girl profession.
394
00:20:21,523 --> 00:20:22,873
Maybe it'll be...
395
00:20:23,382 --> 00:20:26,276
intergalactic communications officer
on a rocket ship
396
00:20:26,401 --> 00:20:29,794
to some distant solar system
we can't possibly imagine.
397
00:20:29,919 --> 00:20:31,918
Maybe it'll be... meter maids.
398
00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:33,314
We just don't know.
399
00:20:34,672 --> 00:20:36,409
But one thing is sure.
400
00:20:37,168 --> 00:20:39,208
The future glows
401
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,670
like a giant sun
402
00:20:41,795 --> 00:20:45,789
shooting amber rays of light
into our hearts and minds.
403
00:20:48,857 --> 00:20:50,289
What changed your mind?
404
00:20:50,481 --> 00:20:53,125
The realization
that hope springs eternal, Robin.
405
00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:56,528
That
and this little bottle of purple pills
406
00:20:56,653 --> 00:20:58,345
I found in my couch cushion.
407
00:20:58,470 --> 00:21:01,293
I don't know what they are,
but they are amazing.
30548
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
