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Previously on "Heartland"...
You know, the old ranch hands never had it this good.
You will never ask me
to take a group of city slickers on a trail ride.
He is totally droolwon'thy. But you're not his type.
But I definitely am.
You got no idea what Amy can do.
Well, I fully intend to find out. Count on it.
There was only one thing that I ever wanted to say to you,
but I wasrt sure you still wanted to hear it.
Ty.
Maybe we should take a break.
Maybe we should get married.
Oh, my God!
Uh... Uh, hey.
Sorry, I know I'm trespassing.
Um...
But I didn't think anybody would be around.
It's so early.
Hey, why don't you be a gentleman
and turn your back on me and ride away?
No problem.
You might want to check for bloodsuckers, though.
Plenty of them in the pond.
Huh?
But I have guests arriving.
This morning.
Yeah, you're one of the reasons they're coming.
Of course it's a big opportunity. I underst...
Okay.
I understand. Bye.
Nadine Lipchuck just canceled on us for Oprah.
Can you believe that? It's a disaster.
- It'll all be fine. - No, it won't, Grandpa.
I've only ever read about trust and self-esteem exercises.
I've never actually done them.
There's a reason I hired Nadine Lipchuck,
the famous equine facilitator with a best seller.
Personally, I think her book's a bunch of crap.
How can you say that? She's the preeminent voice in E.G.E.
What?
makes you "one with your authentic self'?
Exactly. Crap.
So when are these guests of yours arriving?
This is such a cool little country store.
Can you imagine Lou shoveling poo?
In her spike heels and Prada suit?
I'd pay money to see that.
We did. We are.
I can't believe just as she's fast-tracking
up the corporate ladder,
that's when she disappears to run a dude ranch
in the middle of nowhere.
Whatever Lou does, you can be sure it's to the max.
We roomed together doing our MBAs, and she is total type A.
I will not fail with this, Amy.
You're right. Who needs Nadine Lipchuck?
You can do these exercises.
I know you can. You'll be great at it.
Okay, why did you convince
your New York work buddies to come anyway?
Because they paid full price even when I offered them a discount.
And they know anybody who is anybody in New York.
They'll spread word about this place faster than any website.
Plus, they eat up stuff like Nadine's book.
They love anything to do with self-help.
"A horse is a mirror
of your inner strengths and weaknesses."
"Discover what attractor energies you may possess."
I'll get them in a saddle,
but I'm not going into all this inner-productivity garbage.
Leave the garbage to me.
Did you travel all the horses to the paddock?
They have all been delivered.
Must have been a good ride. The morning was really nice.
Yeah, it was. It was a good view.
A really good view.
Oh, my God.
Hey, there. How are you ladies doing today?
Howdy.
I think your guests have arrived.
What have I done?
โช And at the break of day โช
โช You sank into your dream โช
โช You dreamer โช
โช You dreamer โช
โช You dreamer โช
Hey!
Lou!
- You made it. - Lou!
Welcome.
Oh, you look amazing.
Oh, you!
- Have you lost weight? - Your hair looks amazing.
I brought gifts. New York in a bag.
You didn't.
The bagels from Zabar's.
Espresso.
The Village Voice.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Lou, this is Mackenzie Hutton.
She joined Strickland & Cooke right after you left.
- I've heard so much about you. - It's nice to meet you, too.
Listen, ladies, I have some bad news.
Nadine Lipchuck. She bailed on us for Oprah.
No worries.
We came to see you.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Um, sorry, but this is really dirty.
Could we put my stuff in the front seat?
Not if someone's gonna drive.
Tell you what, though.
Welcome to ride in the back if you want.
No, thanks.
Hey, everybody.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Who's the Marlboro Man hottie?
That's my dad.
And who's he?
Oh, that's my grandpa.
There is something to be said about your gene pool.
Ladies!
We're ready to head out if you guys are.
Absolutely.
The men here.
No wonder you never came back to New York.
Oh, my God, Lou.
It's so beautiful here.
It's gorgeous. So early Ralph Lauren.
You know, I'm so proud of you.
Who would have thought
you'd turn out to be
such an entrepreneur?
I need to use a washroom.
It's just right over there.
Oh. Fun.
You promised me you'd give me another jumping lesson.
Copper's already all saddled up.
I can't, Mallory. I promised Lou I'd help her with something.
You know, I could blackmail you into keeping your promise.
Excuse me?
I heard a rumor.
What kind of a rumor?
That someone kissed someone at the cattle drive.
Jake saw you and Ty.
Just for the record, are you guys together?
Just for the record, we're not.
- Why? - 'Cause.
Because he hasn't mentioned the kiss yet
and you wish he would have?
I've got to figure out what to do with these women.
Then I'll just take Copper and practice with him all by myself.
Okay. Sure.
Just lunge him over the round poles like I showed you.
He doesn't get the poles. He just trips over them.
Well, he'll get it eventually.
Can I take Spartan?
No.
Look, I'll give you a lesson tomorrow
after the divas leave for their trail ride.
Fine.
AMY: Hey.
Hey.
Is Caleb around?
He actually just took some guests out to the cabins.
Oh, right. Hillbilly haven.
He should be back any minute.
I'll just wait here.
Okay. Whatever.
Hey, guys.
We're ready.
There are days when I love my job.
Yeah. There are days.
Put your eyes back in your heads.
Copper.
The pole is right in front of your face.
The trick is to step over it.
Girls, we are ready to ride.
Bring on the horses.
Do we get to share?
- A horse? - Uh-huh.
- No. We each get our own. - Okay.
- Shouldrt be too hard. - Yee-haw!
- Well, have a good time. - Yeah.
Just down here to the horses, guys.
- Have a good day. - I will.
This is gonna be
the most amazing three days of your lives.
You are gonna change and grow in ways that...
well, in ways that you never imagined.
Working with horses is gonna teach you about yourselves
and each other.
And give you tools, invaluable tools,
to help you with your careers.
- Corporately. - Corporately.
So, let's get started.
What a load of crap.
No way.
Forget it, Lou. We didn't pay you to shovel poop.
It is not about shoveling poop, okay? It's about team skills.
You need to work together to get the cleanup done.
As quickly as possible. I'm timing you.
Go.
You shovel.
You work the wheelbarrow.
I'll dump it.
Eww, it got on my Jimmy Choos.
Hurry up, it's a test.
Good, good.
Just shovel.
Choosing your horse calls upon long-buried instincts
you never knew you had.
Instincts that will allow you to match your inner self
with your equine soul mate.
Can we just pick a damn horse?
That one's mine. He's gorgeous.
I think he's mine.
I want that one. It looks nice and calm and safe.
- Oh, they're friends. - That's so cute.
Yeah, well, Betty's as blind as a bat.
That's why she's sticking so close to Slick.
Oh, really? You're pretty funny.
Come on, Slick. Come here.
Stay still.
What's wrong with him?
Go easy. You're the boss.
Don't laugh, okay? This is hard. Just let me...
Well done.
All right, Lauren.
Come here, Betty.
Come on.
He's not gonna come to you like your Lhasa Apso.
What the hell is a Lhasa Apso?
I did it.
Good job.
Good boy.
Ooh, yeah.
Does Mackenzie know that Betty's blind?
Caleb told her.
- And she's fine with that? - Yeah.
Wow.
She seems like such a perfectionist.
Maybe she's already becoming more...
Authentic?
This is great, Lou.
You sure you've never ridden before?
I like this.
They're all really getting into it, don't you think?
Yeah.
Mackenzie. Breathe.
No, I'm working out of the office.
This is a corporate retreat. There should be...
- Well, you're coming in and out. - Hey, John.
No, that's two points away from where we need to be.
Hello?
That'll be finalized by tomorrow.
You're coming in and out.
John, it's me. I've left you a million messages.
Hello?
Can you hear me now?
- Hello? - You're an assistant, honey.
Remember Marlene from Accounts? She's dating Mr. Strickland.
No way. He's married.
Thank you. Not anymore.
- And guess who got fired? - Who?
Reg Malinski.
Oh, but he could do no wrong. That's crazy.
Insider trading. Huge scandal.
Roz Higley got his job.
- Oh, and the private washroom. - And the corner office.
Yeah, well, Roz isn't the only one on her way up.
Lauren just got a promotion.
Really? You didn't tell me.
Well, I... I just...
You didn't know? Yeah, she got your old job.
To Lauren.
Cheers.
Cheers.
I never expected to be pulling in a six-figure income before I was 30.
That is great. Congratulations.
Thank you.
I'm gonna get some coffee.
Mackenzie, you sure you don't want some wine?
Oh, no, thank you. Unless you have organic.
Not that I know of.
Now, you didn't eat much.
You can't be on a diet in this house.
I'm not on a diet. I'm allergic.
- Allergic to what? - Everything.
Dairy, white sugar, seafood, gluten.
Everything I eat has to be organic.
That must be tough.
Oh, you can't imagine.
It's not so bad. I just eat a lot of vitamins.
I couldn't swallow all those. I'd gag.
Well, you gals have to eat something.
You need your strength for the trail ride.
Coffee, anyone?
- No, not for me. No caffeine. - Right.
I have my own herbal teas.
I'll just go boil some water.
It aids her digestion.
Not that she has anything to digest.
Coffee here, please.
Yes. Definitely. There you go.
- Thanks, Lou. - No problem.
Well, I think, as first days go, that went pretty well for you.
Yeah.
Is something wrong?
What the hell am I doing, Grandpa?
I should be in New York.
What if I've made the worst mistake of my entire life?
So it's gonna be great to watch them ride off tomorrow.
Yeah.
Guess we'll have this whole place to ourselves.
Yeah, I guess.
Hey, maybe I could...
Maybe I could make us some dinner.
Yeah. That would be cool.
- Hey, Ty, can I ask you something? - Sure.
You know on the cattle drive...
Did you mean it?
The kiss.
Of course I meant it. I kissed you, didn't I?
Okay.
But just for the record. You kissed me first.
- No. - I just kissed you back.
- That's not how it happened. - That's exactly how it happened.
CALEB: Hey.
How are we doing tonight?
I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
You going on the ride tomorrow?
Uh, no.
Good.
All Tim needs is another novice.
- See you in the morning. - Yeah.
This looks amazing, Lou.
Forget the diet. I'm having bacon.
I'm having everything.
Since when do you cook?
You could burn water when we roomed together.
Very funny.
Enjoy.
What's wrong with you?
I have muscles hurting I never knew I had.
I know. I got out of bed and almost fell.
Is the water drinkable?
- Yeah, it's from the well. - Oh, my God. I'll boil it.
Don't even get me started on giardia infection.
You would know... Where's the nearest gluten-free bakery?
Yeah, it's been in the family for six generations.
Those cabins you girls are staying in...
my granddad built those for the ranch hands.
My earliest memory is helping him.
There's a rumor floating around
that I was born out there on a table.
I heard you were quite the rodeo champion.
Oh, I might have won a few things, I guess.
He was a legend.
Boy, that's when you know you're old, when someone calls you a legend.
Well, I should get a move on.
The sun doesn't wait for a working man.
What? You're leaving?
I thought you were coming on the overnight.
- Oh, you have to. - Oh, no.
No, I don't do trail rides.
Or overnights. It's his arthritis, you know?
[Cell phone rings]
Hey.
Caleb, you better get over here. We're getting ready to go.
No, you cannot bail on me.
Hello?
Caleb?
He's sick.
- No. - Grandpa, please.
Just this one time. Amy's not around.
Remember our terms?
We agreed you would never ask me
to take a bunch of city slickers on a trail ride.
I know. But just this once, Grandpa.
They love you.
You're authentic. You're the real thing.
You are this ranch. You are this countryside.
Please.
Grandpa.
So just you and Ty left at home.
Yeah.
I think he's gonna make me dinner.
Ooh. Maybe you'll have "the talk."
That's what I'm afraid of.
- Why? - I don't know.
[Cell phone rings]
Hey, Lou.
Okay. I'll be there.
All right. Bye.
Well, I may have to go on the trail ride.
Caleb's sick.
No, he isn't.
I dropped off an order at Briar Ridge this morning,
and he was pulling in just as I was leaving.
I might make a cowgirl out of you yet.
You think?
Heck, even if I can't, it'll be fun trying.
Well, that's what I'm looking for... a little fun.
But you got the wrong saddle and the wrong horse.
No worries, though. I got a friend with a real good pony.
Yeah?
Yeah, I'll give her a call.
Her.
Oh, look. It's Cowboy Ken and Cowgirl Barbie.
Ditched us for Ashley. I'm gonna kill him.
She's learning to barrel race? I'll kill her.
What's with the barrel racing? I thought you hated rodeo.
I changed my mind. Rodeo's cool.
And I've been told I have a certain talent.
It's bound to help me in the rodeo queen contest.
- You're entering? - Why not?
A little competition never hurt anyone, right?
So you're not doing the trail ride?
You got enough guides.
[Sighs]
If I was Lou, I would so fire you.
Come on, Amy.
Hi, Lou.
Yeah, I'll come.
Okay, bye.
So much for alone time with Ty.
It's probably a good thing.
So, you ready to see some of the most beautiful country
in the entire world?
I'm about to show it to you.
Oh, my God. He looks even better now that I'm not jet-lagged.
- So, I hear you're a man short? - Yeah.
Well, Amy's going, which is good.
And I'm trying to convince Grandpa into coming.
Oh, that'll be a big help.
Dad, this has to be successful, okay? And I need all the help I can get.
I need cowboys that can get on and off a horse.
I'm all saddled up and ready. How about you?
Why are you taking Copper? Take Spartan.
Well, Spartars not really a trail horse, Mallory.
How am I supposed to practice jumping?
Well, I'll help you when I get back.
So, you're going?
Yeah. Yeah, Lou needs me.
I was kind of looking forward to that dinner.
Me too. Another time?
Sure.
Okay.
Okay. Everybody ready?
Let's head on out.
Come on, Jack. Get a leg over.
Happy trails.
Hey, Ty, can you help me?
With what?
I need to know where the poles go in the round pen.
Uh... There's a plan Amy used for Spartan.
But well, Copper's on a ride, so why don't you just relax?
I got to go into town if you want to come?
No.
All right, suit yourself. I won't be long.
Hey, Spartan.
Yes.
Little more like it.
Yes!
You're awesome!
Totally awesome.
Need to cool off?
How about we go for a trail ride?
Come on.
Amazing.
Indescribable.
Ow. There's mosquitoes.
Look at them. I think it's actually working.
You did it.
Hey, thanks for stepping in.
No problem.
How much further?
Just over there.
Oh, is that all?
Oh, come on.
It's won'th the trek. I promise you.
I'll hold you to that, cowboy.
Kit Bailey.
She's one of the best barrel racers in Hudson.
What's going on here?
I'm entering a barrel-racing event.
What are you thinking?
Anyway, I forbid it.
You're not gonna use an expensive jumper
for a rodeo stunt.
I'm not. I'm using that cow pony.
Then you won't be needing Apollo.
Mother!
Mother!
Got him warmed up for you. Let me see you go around.
Whoa, whoa! Go easy!
Whoo!
All right! Yeah!
Heck, I've been competing for two years,
and you're gonna be a real threat.
You bet I am.
Look at her.
Doesrt it just make you sick?
Perfect Lauren. God, I ache.
Yeah, it's pretty much a form of torture.
I'm hungry.
You? Hungry?
This is a different universe.
How is it possible
that not only do they not have gluten-free bread
but they don't even know what it is?
It's all I can do not to gobble everything up.
I mean, the food's incredible.
At least you can eat it.
Well, maybe if you didn't have such a size-zero mentality,
you might enjoy it, too.
Excuse me, did you just call my allergies psychosomatic?
You said it, not me. I mean...
You just got to look outside yourself.
That's funny coming from you, Miss Self-Centered.
Okay. I'm just saying...
Look around. I mean, use your eyes.
Have you ever seen anything like this in your entire life?
Not from Daddy's penthouse on Central Park, that's for sure.
Oh, that's nice.
You know what? Maybe we just need some time out.
Come on, Betty. Let's go.
Go! Go! Betty, let's go!
How are you cowgirls doing?
You know, fine.
Except my horse is stuck to hers like glue,
and I would really like some solitary.
Well, that's because Betty's blind.
So she likes to stick close to Slick, you know?
Wow. Caleb wasrt kidding.
Oh, God.
That is too funny.
What do you think, Spartan? You think we can jump it?
The ground's soft. Nothing too sharp.
Spartan?
Spartan!
Spartan!
Spartan!
This can't be happening.
Spartan!
Spartan!
Spartan!
Thank goodness. Stay there.
Stay there.
That was not cool. Not cool at all.
Better not tell anyone about this. Promise?
I was so worried about you.
What where you thinking, running off like that?
You scared me.
I can't believe you.
- What? - Well, look at you.
You're the girl who'd rather wear polyester than go camping.
It's just my life now.
Birthing foals.
Sleeping under the stars.
I love every minute of it.
Lou, is there some way to turn the fire up or something?
- This is taking forever to boil. - There's coffee already made.
- I don't drink coffee. - Right. Caffeine.
I need this tea for my digestive system.
Have some bran buds. That ought to do it.
I found him like this. Just lying down.
- What's wrong with him? - I don't know.
Was he okay this afternoon?
This afternoon?
What?
Ty, I did a terrible thing.
What?
I took Spartan for a ride and I lost him,
but only for a few minutes, really,
and I found him on the side of the road.
What road?
The back road to Big River.
There were trucks out there yesterday spraying, Mallory.
Didrt you see the signs?
No.
Was he grazing? Did he eat anything?
No. Well, maybe just a little.
He's got pesticide poisoning. I need you to call Scott, okay?
I'm sorry.
Here it is, here it is... 16-year-old Appaloosa
poisoned by eating grass sprayed with pesticide. This is it.
He keeps trying to lie down.
Don't let him. Okay? We need to keep him walking.
I need to make a mixture of charcoal and water,
and we got to get it down his throat.
- Did you call Scott? - I had to leave a message.
I don't know how we're gonna do this, just the two of us.
Is Caleb here?
So, you enjoying yourself?
Yeah, I am.
Sort of, I mean...
I must have looked pretty stupid on that horse.
Did you see me yesterday? I couldn't even get up on one.
My wife used to be pretty philosophical
about looking stupid.
She had to be, married to me.
She always said that looking stupid
was a necessary step to looking smart.
How long were you married?
A long time.
Should have been longer.
How about you?
You got a boyfriend back there in New York?
No.
No, not me.
I've vowed never to get married.
Now, why's that?
Because I love my job.
I don't see why one excludes the other.
Well...
My parents are very... successful.
And they expect the same from me, too.
So, I figure the only way I can do that
is by just staying focused and maintaining control.
Control is everything.
Well, I don't know.
Nothing wrong with stepping on the gas every once in a while.
I sure did at your age.
Well, I can't afford that.
I bet you can.
So you're single? A guy like you?
Well, it's...
It's a little more complicated than that.
What about you?
Me? I've been going out with the same guy for five years.
Sounds serious.
It is. We are.
But I want to get that corner office before I ever get married.
And kids are definitely on hold.
Well, you don't have to worry about marriage or children.
Your boyfriend is a complete commitment-phobe.
- No, he's not. - Uh-huh.
John has a career, too. We both have goals.
Yada, yada, yada. Let's face it.
We are great at our jobs but not so great with men.
Hey, who wants a marshmallow?
I mean, I'm really happy with my love life.
That's because your fiancรฉ is crazier about you
than you are about him.
And that's fine if you're willing to settle for that.
Plus, he found you a nice apartment. That's a perk.
There's cake, too.
You know, I'd rather marry my real estate broker
than be with the egocentric moron
that you've wasted your last five years with.
That's time you'll never get back.
I don't remember you even having a boyfriend.
Okay, so what is your story, Lou?
You're quite the urban legend at the office.
Did you leave New York for love?
- Urban legend? - Yeah.
I mean, you're all anybody wanted to talk about when I started.
- Really? - Yeah, come on. You know.
You're like the crazy lady who threw it all away
for New Age ranching.
Crazy lady?
Well, speaking of crazy,
if I hear you say one more word about your inability
to eat or function like a normal human being,
I'm gonna hurl.
And if you think working in an office is hard,
you should try my lifestyle for a day.
Ranching makes investment banking look like a joke.
Go, Lou.
Oh, my God. You're such a pompous, two-faced know-it-all.
If you had any idea how much I loathe working with you...
how much I loathe working with both of you...
You see, this is what equine training is all about.
It releases all your inner truths, anxieties, and vulnerabilities.
Well, bedtime.
Good idea.
That worked out well.
TY: Keep him moving.
Mallory. Here, help me with this.
Pour it in there. Hold the funnel.
Got it?
Okay.
Okay, guys, we got to move fast, or his kidneys are gonna fail.
Lift his head up.
Keep him calm.
Ready?
No. He won't do it.
TY: Easy.
Easy, boy. Easy.
[Horse neighs]
Come on.
Ready? Let's try it again.
Easy, easy.
You got it down.
Good boy.
- Pesticide poison. - What can I do?
TY: We got six more to go.
Here, grab this.
- Got it? - Let's go.
All right. Hold his head up again.
All right. Ready, Spartan?
Good boy.
Good boy, good boy.
Here we go.
Yeah!
Maybe they're right.
God, everything is so much clearer out here.
That's what they say.
Maybe I should break up with my boyfriend.
Well, you got to do what you think is right for you.
I know what's right for me.
And when I do, I go for it.
Whoa!
Whoa.
You're a beautiful girl, but...
No.
Hello?
Lauren, that's my dad. What were you thinking?
I'm such an idiot.
Oh, God. I'm a total loser.
Yeah, right, Lauren. You're such a loser.
I am.
You all think I'm so perfect. I'm not.
My life is far from perfect.
Lauren, stop.
I hate my job.
This promotion? I'm terrified.
They should have given it to Nicole. She's way more qualified.
But the boss likes me. He's always hitting on me.
And Mackenzie doesn't miss a chance to stab me in the back.
And John. He's cheating on me.
No.
Yeah, he's cheating on me,
and we're both pretending it's not happening.
It's just all so horrible, Lou.
Come here.
You are so lucky. You have no idea.
I'm not so lucky, Lauren.
I'm not having things so great either.
Remember I wrote to you about Scott?
The vet?
Yeah.
We broke up.
Why? I thought he adored you.
Yeah, I did, too.
So, I asked him to marry me.
You did what?
It was stupid.
And he said no,
that we should wait, that he wasrt sure.
How can he not be sure, Lauren?
He's known me since we were kids.
We grew up together.
He knows me.
He loves me.
Why isn't he sure?
I've wrecked it.
Why did I wreck it?
You made the right diagnosis, that's for sure.
Is he okay?
You probably saved his life.
I'll do a follow-up, but I'd say he's gonna make a full recovery.
You guys were a team.
Hey, it's okay.
None of this would have happened
if you hadrt bailed on the trail ride.
Hey.
Thanks for your help.
Yeah, I'm glad I was here.
We seem to meet under the weirdest circumstances.
At least I had my clothes on this time.
Let's take them over here.
I'm so sorry, Amy. I'll make it up to you.
I'll do all your chores. I'll make your bed.
Mallory, stop.
Look, the good news is that Spartars fine.
The bad news is
Ty's talking to that girl like she's known him forever.
You shouldn't have gone on that ride.
None of this would have happened.
- Oh, really? - I swear.
[Sighs]
Hey, Lou. Come on in.
LOU: Hey, guys.
Listen, I need to apologize.
I wasrt exactly ready.
No, Lou. We should apologize.
We were nightmares.
You must be so glad to get rid of us.
I'm so sorry about everything.
Lou, the whole experience was amazing.
So therapeutic.
I'll never forget it.
We're gonna tell everyone we know about it.
Thank you.
Oh, my God!
Come here.
Do you wish you were in that car on your way back to the Big Apple?
No.
I'm happy to be exactly where I am.
Lou.
LOU: Aww, that's a good one.
Those are my girls.
LISA: I don't know how you did it, Lou, but you pulled it off.
LOU: Yeah, I guess I did.
Those girls will never forget that trip.
Neither will you, Grandpa.
Oh, uh, Nicole says to say hi.
Look at you, just dripping with ladies.
What can I say?
I'm authentic. I'm the real deal.
I am this countryside. Right, Lou?
Wait, I think I'm also a legend.
Right, Grandpa.
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