Original subtitles

Previously on "Faking It"...

Prom will now be mandatory.

[bleep], now I have to go to prom with Karma.

This is a disaster.

- Why don't we go together? - Yeah, let's do it.

No way you're going to prom with your ex-boyfriend.

It's not like it'd be a real date.

- Uh... - Liam, you've grown.

I'm gonna ask my crush to prom myself.

- Same here! - There he is right now.

What if we all went to prom together?

- I'm in. - Thruple date.

Well, well, if it isn't the third wheel

on my prom date tricycle.

I think Wade would call it more of a bicycle.

You're just the training wheels ready to come off at any moment.

Well, if anything, I'm about gonna come on,

blasting Wade so hard with my A-game,

he won't even remember the name Loser.

Oh, I'm sorry. I meant Karma.

Listen here, you little sh...

...ane, it's Wade. Hi.

Hey, I didn't mean to interrupt.

- Nothing to interrupt. - No, not at all.

Maybe this thruple date isn't such a good idea

if it's gonna cause problems between you two.

Problems? There are no problems.

This is just our bicker-y banter.

We don't always see eye to eye.

Yeah, but opposites attract, like we learned in chemistry.

And from Paula Abdul.

So you guys are... you're cool with each other?

Oh, cooler than cool. We are really close.

So close, in fact, we've kissed,

because I'm attracted to girls sometimes too.

Me too. I have kissed girls.

One girl, singular.

But, like, a bunch of times. [chuckles]

So tomorrow night's a go?

- Can't wait. - Absolutely.

Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com

Is this a joke? How does anyone ever

get these things to stay up?

Boob tape and good fortune.

Ugh. Can we be done with this?

We're finding you the perfect dress for your big date.

It's not a date.

No more calling it that, especially around my mother.

So she doesn't know you're going with a boy?

She can't know. Her head might explode.

Ooh, this looks like you.

Actually, I was thinking more...

this.

Holy nip slip, that V goes all the way down to your V.

I know.

Shane can't compete with this cleavage.

Is that the only reason you're doing this, to beat Shane?

What?

No, I-I really like Wade.

I mean, he's cute and funny and...

Into girls and guys. That doesn't bother you?

O-M-G. Reagan, I didn't realize you were here.

Low blow.

But, okay, point taken.

Unlike your close-minded ex-girlfriend,

I'm totally cool if Wade wants to swing both ways.

In the course of a single night?

He's going out with you and another guy at the same time.

And, oh, yeah, that other guy happens to be Shane...

- your nemesis. - Nemesis?

- Uh-huh. - Hardly.

Karma's my nemesis.

Let her push all she wants, I'm not giving her an inch.

All of Wade's inches will be mine.

Yeah, but Wade seems to like Karma.

He only thinks he likes her. He's like a gay butterfly

not yet sprung forth from its cocoon.

He's still, like, 10% bi-curious caterpillar,

caught in transition.

Right, 'cause guys cannot be bi.

Exactly. Like Bigfoot.

You know, there's a sighting every now and then,

but, like, no one has real proof.

You're doing that thing where you say "like" a ton,

which means you don't even believe yourself.

Okay, fine. If you want me to let Karma

have Wade all to herself so that they bump and grind

on the dance floor and beyond...

- No! - Shh.

Uh... [chuckles]

I mean, I can't really tell you what to do.

- But I can. - Shh.

Uh, excuse me, I'm a substitute teacher here.

These stupid rules don't apply to me.

You're lucky I don't write you up.

I hope I'm half as cool when I'm old like you.

Got to make a run for econ. Bye, Sash.

It's only six years, skid mark.

So is this where you tell me that I've been

a naughty schoolboy and you need to discipline me?

What the hell are you babbling about?

Your unrelenting mission to seduce me?

[chuckles] I'm sorry, what?

Maybe in Little Liam's 12-year-old

choke-your-chicken- to-my-school-photo dreams.

That was just the one time. And wait a second...

just the other day, you told me

that you wanted to teach me a thing or two.

Yeah, in history class.

You licked my ear.

I lick plenty of ears.

It was a joke. I'm funny like that.

So that's how you want to play it?

Liam, games are for children, like you.

[sighs] Theo, you have to come up with new excuses,

or else people are going to figure us out.

Five minutes? What happened to the usual ten?

It's prom week. I can really only spare five.

So start talking.

Lauren, I know you said yes to Tommy

because you're mad at me,

so stop avoiding me and let's talk about this.

Look, Tommy is a necessary evil,

and I haven't been avoiding you.

I'm just super busy planning prom.

It's just a party in the gym.

"A party in the gym"?

Theo, prom is a rite of passage

forged through decades of tradition.

It's a night that every student here will remember

for the rest of their lives, including me.

Too bad I can't take my boyfriend.

(Lauren) Five, six, seven, eight. One and two...

Well, now I know being a surgeon is out of the question.

Shh. Tommy needs to concentrate.

- Oh! - Ooh!

Sorry, my bad.

Of course it's your bad. It's been your bad 17 times now.

Forget it! Thank God I am planning prom,

because I know at least it will be perfect,

even though my prom date won't.

Now let's just go up to my room.

To make out?

Gross. No.

To review my Pinterest board of classic photo poses.

That way, maybe you won't screw up our prom pics.

Look who I found out front while I was pruning the roses...

your prom date.

Amy, why didn't you tell me

that you were going to prom with a... Felix?

[laughs] Oh, never mind.

Um, I'll skedaddle and let you two chat.

And, Felix, you come early for pictures tomorrow night,

you hear? No excuses.

[mouthing words]

With my exceptional powers of deduction,

I'm sensing you didn't want your mother to know about us.

Don't take it the wrong way. It's just...

I tried really hard to get her to accept that I'm not straight,

and now I'm sure she's in there picking out our wedding china.

If you don't mind me asking,

if you're not straight, then what are you?

Allergic to peanuts... and labels.

[sighs] I'm sorry.

Hey, don't apologize. We're teenagers.

We're not supposed to have all the answers, right?

Now take my tuxes.

I rented two because I didn't know

if we were going to be serious or subversive.

[sighs] Me either.

I bought a strapless dress, so prepare yourself.

I'm gonna be doing this all night long.

[both chuckle]

It's so not me.

Hey, you could wear a burlap sack for all I care.

Just be you.

Tempting. It might be too itchy.

And...

I like you in the blue.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

- [camera shutter clicks] - Oh, look at you!

Hey, hey, hold on, now. I'm trying to take a picture.

Honey, I'm sensing some passive aggression.

You remember what Dr. Phillips said.

We communicate better when we start with "I feel."

I feel like Dr. Phillips is full of horse [bleep].

Okay, photo sesh over.

Try not to murder-suicide each other.

That is not how I want to remember prom night.

All right, limo's waiting outside...

White, just like you wanted.

So? You want an award?

Son, have you heard of something called a Smith & Wesson?

How you doing, hon? You know girls.

They have to get the dress just perfect.

Oh, can I get you some more sweet tea?

Wow.

Well, don't you look... handsome.

What? Do I have a zit or something?

Um, no. No, you don't.

All right, you two, get together.

[chuckles]

- Assume the position. - Ah.

Just, let's...

There we go. Mm-hmm.

[camera shutter clicks]

Hey, let's try it like this.

[laughs]

[camera shutter clicks]

Let's get another one, shall we?

- Okay, how about this? - [laughs]

Can I have one normal one?

Y'all just hold hands.

- Okay. - All right.

- [camera shutter clicks] - Aw.

There, was that so hard?

[sighs] Oh, y'all have fun tonight.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do. [laughs]

That doesn't limit our options.

- [laughs] - Oh, this whole process

would have been mortifying without you.

You're welcome.

But, you know, you're... you're still holding my hand.

Oh. S-sorry.

Right.

Oh, I think that if I had been enough for you

(boy) Let's get it started.

This is all wrong.

When I said I wanted a city background,

I didn't mean [bleep] Atlantis.

No, no more photos here.

Come back later. This will be changed.

The mermaid's kind of hot, though.

Make yourself useful, start getting rid of all this seaweed.

Wow, who else can say they have not one,

but two red-hot prom dates?

What a crazy coincidence we both wore the same color, huh? Crazy.

[laughs] That tux is so fitting,

the devil himself would be jealous.

Ha ha ha ha.

I'm gonna need to make a quick pit stop to the bathroom.

I'll go with, since we both have the same equipment.

[laughter]

You know, Shane's probably right about Wade.

You could just save yourself the trouble

and throw in the towel.

Says the guy on a date with a skeleton.

What's wrong, already screw everything with a pulse?

Skeleton dates, thruple dates.

Heck, there's a pig and a ficus tree here on a date.

Well, Principal Turner, Hester is a different kind of school.

You say it like it's a good thing.

(Felix) [imitating girl] But Bethanny said that Trina said

that you'd rather go to the dance with Kirsten.

(Amy) [imitating guy] Kirsten? Ew, no.

She has the face of a horse.

[both laughing]

"Face of a horse" is genius.

[laughs]

Hey, you want to take a spin on the dance floor?

Get a close up look at things to mock?

Hey. Way to rock the tux. You two look adorbs.

Okay, what can I do to make Wade pick me over Shane?

It's, like, World War Three-way Date over there.

Ah, that age-old high school problem.

Hey, I'm gonna get us some refills,

and don't worry, it's on me, 'cause, you know, it's free.

[laughs]

[sighs] Okay, Amy,

Felix is my friend too, and you have to be careful with him.

Why? Does he secretly have that fragile glass bone disease?

Okay, Felix wants this to be a real date,

so don't lead him on, you know?

He does? I mean, I'm not, I won't.

And shouldn't you be focused on Wade?

Shane's already beating me. I don't know what else to do.

You could do what they do on that awful reality show

you made me watch that one time.

If you mean The Bachelor, it is awesome, not awful,

and... but you're right.

This is exactly like one of those two-on-one dates,

and I'm gonna get that final rose.

Yeah, exactly.

Whatever that is.

Theo? Are you in here? I don't really have time, I...

[slow dance music]

Theo, what is this?

Hello, Ms. Cooper.

Welcome to your Secret Prom.

Now you can remember prom the right way,

with me. May I have this dance?

Oh, and don't worry,

I've only picked songs that are less than five minutes,

so you won't have to set a timer.

Um, hold that thought.

While this is really amazing,

I still have to deal with "promageddon" out there,

so I'll hurry back, I swear.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll be here.

[music stops]

Up in the club

Hey, Wade, mind if I steal you for some one-on-one time?

You don't mind, do you, Shane?

Of course not. You two kids have fun.

I'm starting to feel like the first bisexual Bachelor.

I'm obsessed with that show.

[gasps] Me too!

I love it when they say,

"I didn't come here to make friends."

We ain't leaving till 6:00 in the morning

White linen on Rim to the side

Pop cointreau looking good, can't lie

Drinks I'll buy fresh till I die

Never seen [indistinct] looking so fly

Want to walk with it get it, boy

She's your ex, right?

Clearly she's just trying to make you jealous,

which means she still carries a torch for you.

Either way, it's [bleep] up.

Especially if you're trying to move on.

Do you... want to move on?

Oh, come on. That, just then... you were flirting with me.

Liam, you're delusional.

I'd rather jump his bones than yours.

Oh, there you are. Think someone spiked the punch.

Ooh, really? I better get some before it's gone.

Um, were you just flirting with my big sis?

You promised she was off limits.

I wasn't, I promise.

And why are we even talking about that

when Karma's out there rubbing against Wade

like a genie might pop out.

What, are you just gonna stand here and let that happen?

Take me home, baby give me a taste

Strawberry, kiwi touch and play

Feed you a slice of that pound cake

This has been fun, right?

After our recent breakups, we all deserve a little fun.

In fact, why don't we take this three-way

back to the hotel for some real three-way fun?

- [chuckles] - You know, just 'cause

I'm bisexual doesn't mean I want

to have sex with both genders at once.

Yeah.

But in this case, you're both insanely hot,

so yeah, let's do that.

What do you say, Karma?

Want to take this threesome to the next level?

[chuckles] Uh...

You a sexy girl

[chuckles]

You suggested what?

You wanted me to knock out the competish.

And you thought the best way to do that was to suggest a...

Threesome? Another threesome?

What about the first one makes you think

this one is a good idea?

Relax. This one, like that one, is never gonna happen.

Shane's only bluffing, and I can play his game of chicken

just as long as he can.

No. No, actually, that's when

a game of chicken ends in a crash.

Trust me, Shane will...

Back out. It's what Karma does

in threesomes. You've seen it.

I also never thought she'd tie me up

or go on a thruple date to prom.

Believe me, Karma will be crying in an empty juice truck

while Wade ends up in that hotel room with...

Me, and only me.

And Shane can crawl back home to his bunk buddy, Liam.

Okay, but it sounds like you only want to sleep with Wade

to spite Shane. Do you even want to?

I've had sex before. I-I am a sex person.

That doesn't mean that you have to

sleep with every guy you date.

Who I sleep with is really none of your business.

It is my business.

You're talking about screwing my ex.

At most she'll be in the same room.

Oh, and after all that I've done to push Sasha away

- because you wanted... - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Like you'd even have a chance with my sister.

Two seconds ago, she shot you down,

so take the hint. [chuckles]

We are more than the sum of our parts

We are, we are more than our scars

But if we got Baldwin High School's prom decorations,

that means they have prom by Lauren.

I bet they're like, "Who the [bleep] is Lauren?"

Really, Leila? Cursing at the prom?

There you are. I want to show you something.

No, Tommy, I don't feel like having my feet

stepped on right now.

I didn't know I was a phoenix till I learned how to speak

But you were terrible at this.

I practiced all night.

I was still born to breathe I wonder are you like me

Were you left in the fire? Are you raising yourself

[cheers and applause]

Above your father's empire?

I want to know who ever broke you

I wanted tonight to be perfect.

I want to know how you can grow bigger

Don't go looking for some kind of rescue

If I'm wrong about this, we can pretend it never happened.

Wrong about what?

We are, we are more than our scars

I knew all that not-wanting-you reverse psychology

would do the trick.

And I knew I wasn't crazy.

But we can't go any further.

So you don't want to kiss me again?

We are, we are more than our scars

So I got us something called Shrimp Cake Pops,

but they don't look like shrimp or cake,

so it's a bit of a gamble.

Uh, this was a mistake.

I knew I should have gotten mozzarella sticks.

No, no, not the food. I...

Look, I know we said we wanted this to be a friends thing,

but I kind of wanted it to be something more,

because I like you,

and I don't know, maybe your mind is elsewhere,

or maybe you're not ready to date,

or maybe you don't like guys, or maybe...

More than the sum of our parts

[upbeat music]

Hey, you.

What is she doing?

No clue, but we have more pressing matters to discuss.

Sorry.

I-I didn't mean to shut you up like that.

Uh, you can shut me up like that whenever you want.

I feel the aura and I feel the atmosphere

I should ask if you have any latex allergies,

because it's gonna be raining rubbers in that room.

But it's still not too late for you to back out.

Life is my bass synth I feel the attack

Now that I have a taste there is no turning back

Bring all the condoms you can find,

because this threesome is so on.

Giddyup.

I know nothing can tear us apart

I'm glad you came back when you did.

Words With Friends was really draining my battery.

Theo, I should get back.

Uh-oh, did I do something wrong?

Do you not like what I did for you?

No, it's lovely.

Then why do you keep running back out there

when you could be here, in this moment, with me?

Because we only exist here, in five minute increments

so people don't get suspicious.

- Lauren... - No.

Out there, in the real prom, I had the perfect dance,

and it meant nothing because it wasn't with you.

We won't have to hide forever, only until you graduate.

That's over two years.

In high school, that's a lifetime.

- You're just upset. - No, Theo...

I've spent my whole life keeping big secrets,

and just when I finally thought I was finally free of them,

you come along.

And as much as I love you, I can't do this anymore.

Either we go public, or...

You know I can't do that. I'll lose my job.

So... so what are you saying?

This is it? This is just... the end?

All right, everybody, it's time to announce the Prom King and Queen.

Mary Lambert, could you do the honors?

The pig and the ficus.

[cheers and applause]

[both laughing]

Seriously? What's wrong with you people?

Hey, so listen, I just talked to my mom

and I told her I'm staying with you tonight,

so if she calls, you can cover for me, right?

Because you'll be...

At the hotel having my threesome.

I thought you said that wasn't gonna happen.

Yeah, and I thought you said that you weren't

gonna hurt Felix by giving him hope,

then I saw you two kissing. What are you doing?

What are you doing?

You used to want prom to be a magical night

with your charming prince, and now it's a three-way

with two guys who are into each other?

Yeah, it is, and they're waiting for me to get it on.

I forbid you.

You forbid me?

Mm-hmm.

What right do you have to forbid anything?

You get to be happy with Felix. Liam gets to be happy.

When is it my turn?

Hey, are you okay? That looked intense.

- Can you take me home? - Yeah.

Shane. Shane!

Shane, do not do this, or this is...

Or what? You'll bang my sister?

Wasting my time and I'm feeling helpless

Whoa.

Do you want to get out of here?

Last chance to open the parachute

before the clothes start flying.

Afraid you can't handle what I've got under here?

Maybe you'll faint and I'll have Wade all to myself.

(Wade) Hey, are y'all coming, or did this threesome

just become a one-some?

Stay on your side.

No eye contact.

(both) We keep the lights off.

Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com

Next on "Faking It"...

The threesome happened, and it was fun.

(Shane) I can't be mad at you for banging my sister

when I was up all night banging Karma.

Oh.

Hey, there, sexy.

Hey, Lauren. Forget your pants?

We're not having a party.

Apparently, you are. Thanks for the invite, by the way.

What are you doing?

[garbled] A body shot.

We need to talk about Karma. She's out of control.

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