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1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,179
- Previously on "Faking It"...
- My mom's having an affair.
2
00:00:02,214 --> 00:00:04,257
- Farrah, open up!
- Dad?
3
00:00:04,292 --> 00:00:06,107
- What's the answer?
- I haven't had any answers
4
00:00:06,142 --> 00:00:07,553
since you slept
with my best friend.
5
00:00:07,588 --> 00:00:09,819
There it is!
Your trump card.
6
00:00:09,854 --> 00:00:10,807
I have to go.
7
00:00:10,842 --> 00:00:13,053
- I'm not impressive enough?
- You're in high school.
8
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,334
God, if I'd known it was
going to be like this,
9
00:00:14,369 --> 00:00:15,492
I never would have outed you.
10
00:00:15,527 --> 00:00:17,724
Hello, Karma.
Please, get in.
11
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,092
I know what I want.
12
00:00:20,925 --> 00:00:23,063
[clock ticking]
13
00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:24,838
Welcome to detention.
14
00:00:24,873 --> 00:00:27,901
For the next seven hours,
you belong to me.
15
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,686
You will sit
in your seats quietly
16
00:00:29,721 --> 00:00:31,020
without your cell phones.
17
00:00:31,055 --> 00:00:32,956
No texting,
no Candy Crushing,
18
00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:35,077
no SnapChatting your genitalia.
19
00:00:35,112 --> 00:00:37,938
Instead, you will silently
ruminate over the shortcomings
20
00:00:37,973 --> 00:00:40,337
that have landed you here.
Dig deep.
21
00:00:40,372 --> 00:00:43,467
Figure out how not to repeat
the same mistake twice.
22
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:46,737
Or you could get your GED
and become an Uber driver.
23
00:00:46,772 --> 00:00:50,960
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
24
00:00:50,995 --> 00:00:53,893
[door slams]
25
00:00:53,895 --> 00:00:56,763
[birds chirping]
26
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:08,191
Aren't you guys all friends?
27
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:12,112
Did you have a hot tub party
that got a little bit too real?
28
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,209
I know Shane's here
because of his naked protest,
29
00:01:14,244 --> 00:01:16,032
but what did
the rest of you do?
30
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,118
Clearly, there was
a clerical error.
31
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,696
I'm sure I'll be exonerated
shortly.
32
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,652
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everybody's innocent.
33
00:01:21,687 --> 00:01:23,992
- [scoffs]
- What about you, Amy?
34
00:01:26,307 --> 00:01:27,947
You obviously
have never watched
35
00:01:27,982 --> 00:01:29,359
"Orange is the New Black."
36
00:01:29,394 --> 00:01:32,265
You don't ask someone
why they're doing time.
37
00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:34,350
And if you must know,
I cut class
38
00:01:34,352 --> 00:01:37,285
because I was watching
a French New Wave film
39
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,556
at the Austin Film Society.
40
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:41,718
I thought you said
it was German?
41
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:45,361
Yeah, right.
It was German.
42
00:01:45,363 --> 00:01:47,030
Danke shoe-in.
43
00:01:47,032 --> 00:01:48,314
What about you, Karma?
44
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,213
Yeah, did you and Liam
finally get caught
45
00:01:50,248 --> 00:01:51,495
having sex at school?
46
00:01:51,530 --> 00:01:54,404
both: No!
47
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:57,073
I fell asleep during geometry.
48
00:01:59,628 --> 00:02:01,162
What about you, Liam?
49
00:02:01,197 --> 00:02:04,080
I took a conference call
during philosophy.
50
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,049
What?
It was with our Dubai office.
51
00:02:06,051 --> 00:02:07,884
It's really hard to coordinate
with the time difference.
52
00:02:07,886 --> 00:02:09,402
Oh, did you follow it up
with a round of golf
53
00:02:09,437 --> 00:02:11,456
and a spot of day-trading?
54
00:02:11,491 --> 00:02:13,089
What about you, Felix?
55
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,485
Let's just say
that Turner has it out for me.
56
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,094
Is it hot in here
or is it just me?
57
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:21,347
Turner doesn't turn the AC on
on Saturdays.
58
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:22,345
[sighs]
59
00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:23,790
Lauren, aren't you hot?
60
00:02:23,825 --> 00:02:25,963
- I naturally run cold.
- Like most reptiles...
61
00:02:25,998 --> 00:02:28,438
Finish that sentence and I
will stab you with this pencil.
62
00:02:30,494 --> 00:02:33,543
[clock ticking]
63
00:02:33,578 --> 00:02:35,028
[sighs]
64
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,679
[bag crinkling]
65
00:02:40,714 --> 00:02:42,752
So what's the deal
with you and Liam?
66
00:02:42,754 --> 00:02:44,266
You two still not talking?
67
00:02:44,301 --> 00:02:47,176
[sighs]
Not since L.A.
68
00:02:47,211 --> 00:02:49,459
Any new developments
in Farrah Gate?
69
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,211
Uh, sort of.
70
00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:53,478
My mom promised that
that fling was totally over.
71
00:02:53,513 --> 00:02:55,014
Good.
The last thing you need
72
00:02:55,016 --> 00:02:58,718
is Farrah leaving Bruce
for some new rando.
73
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,362
Yeah, that would suck.
74
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,657
Has Lauren agreed
not to tell Bruce?
75
00:03:02,692 --> 00:03:03,520
Not yet.
76
00:03:03,555 --> 00:03:05,225
He comes back from
a business trip tonight,
77
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,549
and I don't know
what she's gonna do.
78
00:03:06,584 --> 00:03:08,908
You could ask her.
She's right behind you.
79
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,716
Hey, step-sis?
80
00:03:14,751 --> 00:03:16,515
Can we not talk about it?
I'm not in the mood.
81
00:03:16,550 --> 00:03:18,333
If you're still on the fence
about telling your dad,
82
00:03:18,368 --> 00:03:19,989
I highly recommend not telling.
83
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,824
I don't get why
you're covering for Farrah.
84
00:03:21,859 --> 00:03:23,345
If I tell Daddy,
they'll break up,
85
00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:24,726
and then she and your dad
can get back together.
86
00:03:24,761 --> 00:03:27,213
Shh.
87
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,634
And I don't want them
to get back together.
88
00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:32,088
All they do is fight.
They're like oil and vinegar.
89
00:03:32,123 --> 00:03:34,544
- Oil and vinegar are delicious.
- You know what I mean.
90
00:03:34,579 --> 00:03:37,393
If you must know,
I've decided I am telling Daddy.
91
00:03:37,428 --> 00:03:39,092
- He's the innocent victim here.
- [scoffs]
92
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,678
But you'll be splitting
our family up.
93
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,858
No, your mother
took care of that.
94
00:03:47,485 --> 00:03:49,306
[sighs]
95
00:03:49,341 --> 00:03:50,687
Hey, buddy.
96
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,238
How you doing?
97
00:03:53,273 --> 00:03:54,357
Fine.
98
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,686
You can't keep
eating yourself up.
99
00:03:56,721 --> 00:03:58,348
Look, I know you're
depressed about Duke...
100
00:03:58,383 --> 00:04:00,079
I'm eating
because I'm liberated.
101
00:04:00,081 --> 00:04:02,141
No more Duke hovering
over my shoulder
102
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:03,362
shouting, "Lean and green!"
103
00:04:03,397 --> 00:04:05,995
So you're telling me
you're happy you two broke up?
104
00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:08,098
Sure, I'm sad he's gone,
but if he can't see
105
00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:09,527
that I did him a favor
by outing him,
106
00:04:09,562 --> 00:04:11,624
that's his problem.
107
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,209
[door opens]
108
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,510
- all: Boo!
- [hisses]
109
00:04:14,512 --> 00:04:15,952
What the hell
are you doing here?
110
00:04:15,987 --> 00:04:18,791
Yeah, did you get lost
on the way to the donut shop?
111
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,220
Oh, and did you
bring any with you?
112
00:04:20,255 --> 00:04:22,214
I'm here to escort Lauren
to Principal Turner's office.
113
00:04:22,249 --> 00:04:25,271
I knew it.
I'm exonerated.
114
00:04:25,273 --> 00:04:28,224
See you deviants on Monday.
115
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,560
Out of my way, narc.
116
00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:34,897
Okay, I'm dying to know.
117
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:37,367
Why would your dad
put you in detention?
118
00:04:37,369 --> 00:04:39,902
Because he doesn't trust me
to be alone all day.
119
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,238
Why?
All you do is play Xbox.
120
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,290
He has his reasons.
121
00:04:47,712 --> 00:04:50,030
Aw, come on!
Just one!
122
00:04:50,065 --> 00:04:52,116
I'm starving and you've
got a 7-Eleven over there.
123
00:04:52,151 --> 00:04:53,883
No, I need them all!
124
00:04:53,885 --> 00:04:56,169
Fine.
125
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,504
Karma always has mints.
126
00:05:07,522 --> 00:05:08,573
What you doing?
127
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:11,768
Uh, just looking
for a light refreshment.
128
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,855
Ooh, give me one.
129
00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:14,059
You know what?
I really need to pee.
130
00:05:14,094 --> 00:05:15,655
- Come with me.
- [groans]
131
00:05:15,657 --> 00:05:17,763
Amy, I though we got past
your fear of peeing alone.
132
00:05:17,798 --> 00:05:19,776
It's not about that.
We need to talk now.
133
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,778
[both gasping]
134
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,913
Lauren?
135
00:05:23,915 --> 00:05:25,615
You're not supposed
to be here.
136
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,878
None of you are.
What is going on?
137
00:05:27,913 --> 00:05:30,453
They were sneaking out, sir,
but don't worry, I caught 'em.
138
00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:37,342
Any further infractions
will be met with detention
139
00:05:37,377 --> 00:05:39,235
until the end
of the school year.
140
00:05:39,237 --> 00:05:40,360
Are we clear?
141
00:05:40,395 --> 00:05:41,821
all: Yes, sir.
142
00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:47,796
How could you take him back
after what he did to you?
143
00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:48,806
- What?
- Take who back?
144
00:05:48,841 --> 00:05:51,206
We caught Lauren and Theo
making out in the hallway.
145
00:05:51,241 --> 00:05:52,766
After Amy and I
helped you out him?
146
00:05:52,801 --> 00:05:54,706
[scoffs]
You outed Theo too?
147
00:05:54,741 --> 00:05:55,872
Why am I not surprised?
148
00:05:55,907 --> 00:05:58,724
Lauren, he arrested
my parents and me and Amy.
149
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,096
Because he was protecting
our secret.
150
00:06:00,131 --> 00:06:01,869
Oh, Lauren,
when are you gonna learn?
151
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:02,959
Secrets always come out.
152
00:06:02,994 --> 00:06:04,889
Yeah, because you out them!
153
00:06:04,924 --> 00:06:06,448
Raise your hand
if you've been outed
154
00:06:06,483 --> 00:06:08,264
by Shane Harvey.
155
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:11,372
Thank you for your support.
156
00:06:11,407 --> 00:06:12,798
Oh, no, this isn't support.
157
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:14,668
You've got a real problem
outing people.
158
00:06:14,703 --> 00:06:15,909
If you hadn't outed Duke,
you wouldn't be
159
00:06:15,944 --> 00:06:17,509
in this situation right now,
so just admit it.
160
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,530
I'll admit it if you admit
you're a corporate sellout
161
00:06:19,565 --> 00:06:21,214
and the whole artist thing
was a joke.
162
00:06:21,249 --> 00:06:22,695
Lauren,
you can't take him back
163
00:06:22,697 --> 00:06:23,823
He's only gonna hurt you again.
164
00:06:23,858 --> 00:06:25,532
I don't give a [bleep]
what you think,
165
00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:26,509
but you better
keep it a secret,
166
00:06:26,544 --> 00:06:28,361
because if this comes out,
Theo loses his job.
167
00:06:28,396 --> 00:06:30,203
Fine,
I'll keep your secret
168
00:06:30,205 --> 00:06:31,993
if you promise
you won't tell Bruce
169
00:06:32,028 --> 00:06:33,462
that thing
I don't want you to tell him.
170
00:06:33,497 --> 00:06:34,470
What thing?
171
00:06:34,505 --> 00:06:37,244
The fact that your mom
is [bleep]ing your dad?
172
00:06:39,347 --> 00:06:42,048
That's who you caught your mom
with in the motel room?
173
00:06:42,050 --> 00:06:43,800
Why did you keep that from me?
174
00:06:43,802 --> 00:06:45,415
We agreed,
no more secrets between us.
175
00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:47,130
I know, but I knew
that you would be
176
00:06:47,165 --> 00:06:49,381
all mad and judgy
because you hate my dad.
177
00:06:49,416 --> 00:06:51,826
I hate how he blows in here
once in a blue moon
178
00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:52,699
if and when he pleases.
179
00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:54,015
He's a war journalist, Karma.
180
00:06:54,050 --> 00:06:57,197
He doesn't exactly decide
when wars start or end.
181
00:06:57,232 --> 00:07:00,760
Wait, you didn't cut school
to see a film.
182
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,735
You cut school to see him.
183
00:07:02,737 --> 00:07:03,693
Busted.
184
00:07:03,728 --> 00:07:05,488
I'm guilty for spending time
with my father.
185
00:07:05,523 --> 00:07:07,691
No, you're guilty of
yet another lie.
186
00:07:07,726 --> 00:07:09,502
Maybe we should all
take a deep breath.
187
00:07:09,537 --> 00:07:11,653
See this is exactly
what happens when people
188
00:07:11,688 --> 00:07:13,413
aren't their true
authentic selves.
189
00:07:13,415 --> 00:07:15,588
Oh, enough with
the self-righteous bull[bleep].
190
00:07:15,623 --> 00:07:17,658
You act like you did Duke
some huge favor
191
00:07:17,693 --> 00:07:19,654
by outing him,
but you're guilt-eating
192
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,955
everything in this room
that isn't made of plastic.
193
00:07:21,990 --> 00:07:23,621
You can't just
do the wrong thing
194
00:07:23,656 --> 00:07:25,265
and then pretend it's
for the right reason.
195
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,594
Excellent point, Booker.
196
00:07:27,629 --> 00:07:29,457
Keeping Farrah's secret
is wrong.
197
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,323
And claiming it's
to keep our family together
198
00:07:31,358 --> 00:07:32,143
doesn't make it right.
199
00:07:32,178 --> 00:07:33,245
She swore
it didn't mean anything,
200
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,179
so can we just forget about it
and move on?
201
00:07:35,214 --> 00:07:36,436
[scoffs]
202
00:07:36,438 --> 00:07:39,161
Wow, why does that
sound familiar?
203
00:07:39,196 --> 00:07:41,385
Oh, yeah.
That's what you said
204
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:42,727
when you slept with Liam.
205
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,312
Like mother,
like daughter.
206
00:07:44,347 --> 00:07:45,660
Let's just sweep it
under the rug.
207
00:07:45,695 --> 00:07:47,541
I'm surprised there's
any room left under there.
208
00:07:47,576 --> 00:07:49,248
You're one to talk
about secrets.
209
00:07:49,283 --> 00:07:51,745
Okay, what's this?
210
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:56,192
Oh, it's a check from
Max Booker for $250,000.
211
00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:59,125
What's that about,
Karma?
212
00:08:00,629 --> 00:08:04,064
- What the hell is going on?
- That's a big check.
213
00:08:04,099 --> 00:08:06,963
No, like, seriously,
that's twice the standard size.
214
00:08:08,291 --> 00:08:09,900
After we got back from L.A.,
215
00:08:09,935 --> 00:08:11,407
your father offered me
that check
216
00:08:11,442 --> 00:08:14,107
to stay away from you.
217
00:08:14,109 --> 00:08:16,632
- And you took it?
- No!
218
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,978
Not yet.
I-I-I haven't cashed it.
219
00:08:18,980 --> 00:08:22,065
Yeah, but you haven't
torn it up either.
220
00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:23,879
- [sighs]
- [scoffs]
221
00:08:23,914 --> 00:08:27,320
Who wouldn't consider
taking $250,000?
222
00:08:27,322 --> 00:08:28,900
I've been such an idiot.
223
00:08:28,935 --> 00:08:30,605
It could help my parents
get back on their feet,
224
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,087
help pay for college.
225
00:08:32,122 --> 00:08:34,141
How could I not consider it
for even a second?
226
00:08:34,176 --> 00:08:36,382
After you left L.A.,
Zita kissed me.
227
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:38,480
She made it very clear
she wanted more,
228
00:08:38,515 --> 00:08:39,524
but I turned her down.
229
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:41,334
It didn't take me a week
to think about it.
230
00:08:41,336 --> 00:08:42,969
Oh, yeah, well, too bad
you didn't think
231
00:08:43,004 --> 00:08:44,420
- before you slept with Amy.
- [sighs]
232
00:08:44,422 --> 00:08:46,005
Karma, please leave me
out of this.
233
00:08:46,007 --> 00:08:47,590
Here we go again.
234
00:08:47,592 --> 00:08:49,475
You're taking a bribe
to stay away from me,
235
00:08:49,477 --> 00:08:50,643
but I'm the one
defending myself?
236
00:08:50,645 --> 00:08:52,428
I'm not rich, Liam!
237
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:55,961
I didn't fall asleep in class
because I've been studying.
238
00:08:55,996 --> 00:08:58,468
I've been working
every catering gig I could get.
239
00:08:58,503 --> 00:09:00,798
And I live in
a freaking juice truck!
240
00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:03,195
It's so besides the point,
it's not even funny.
241
00:09:03,230 --> 00:09:05,525
If you were offered that money
to stay away from Amy,
242
00:09:05,527 --> 00:09:08,861
you wouldn't have considered it
for one second.
243
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,666
[crying quietly]
244
00:09:18,701 --> 00:09:21,725
Is he... crying?
245
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,939
[sniffling]
246
00:09:23,974 --> 00:09:26,635
You're right.
247
00:09:26,670 --> 00:09:29,887
I'm a terrible person.
248
00:09:29,922 --> 00:09:31,780
I outed you two as lesbians
249
00:09:31,815 --> 00:09:35,305
because I didn't want Lauren
to win homecoming queen.
250
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:39,425
And I outed your pills because
I wanted to take you down.
251
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:41,760
And I outed Duke because...
252
00:09:41,795 --> 00:09:44,313
I wanted to ruin his life.
253
00:09:44,315 --> 00:09:48,256
Instead, he told me
he loved me.
254
00:09:48,291 --> 00:09:51,355
And now he hates me.
255
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:53,552
And he should.
256
00:09:53,587 --> 00:09:56,698
I hate me.
257
00:09:56,733 --> 00:09:58,661
Shane, man, come on.
Ease up.
258
00:09:58,663 --> 00:10:01,326
You did a bad thing, but that
doesn't make you a bad person.
259
00:10:01,361 --> 00:10:02,384
I've forgiven you,
260
00:10:02,419 --> 00:10:04,193
and what you did to me
was way worse.
261
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,294
Have you told him that
you're sorry?
262
00:10:05,329 --> 00:10:07,086
It's too late.
263
00:10:07,088 --> 00:10:08,269
He leaves in, like, an hour
to train
264
00:10:08,304 --> 00:10:10,122
with some famous
Muy Thai fighter.
265
00:10:10,157 --> 00:10:11,615
Well, then there's still time!
266
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:14,055
We're breaking you out of here.
267
00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:16,635
Ready to form Voltron!
268
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,601
The '80s animated show...
269
00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:22,323
Nobody?
Really?
270
00:10:29,811 --> 00:10:32,259
Okay, we have one hour
until he checks in again.
271
00:10:32,294 --> 00:10:33,620
But he locks the doors
on Saturdays.
272
00:10:33,655 --> 00:10:34,997
Maybe we could get
a key somehow?
273
00:10:35,032 --> 00:10:36,087
He's got it on his belt.
274
00:10:36,122 --> 00:10:37,287
Oh, what about
the bathroom window?
275
00:10:37,322 --> 00:10:38,240
It was open this morning.
276
00:10:38,275 --> 00:10:40,118
The bathroom window?
That thing's tiny.
277
00:10:40,153 --> 00:10:42,364
Regretting that jumbo bag
of Cheesaritos?
278
00:10:42,399 --> 00:10:44,397
Let's roll.
279
00:10:44,399 --> 00:10:48,284
[funky music]
280
00:10:49,821 --> 00:10:51,988
I did go running today...
281
00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:56,376
How are we gonna
get by him?
282
00:10:56,378 --> 00:10:57,432
Pull the fire alarm.
283
00:10:57,467 --> 00:10:59,496
Shane can sneak out
in the chaos.
284
00:10:59,498 --> 00:11:01,047
- Ah!
- What?
285
00:11:01,049 --> 00:11:02,632
Theo and I were
about to get caught,
286
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:04,300
so I created a distraction.
287
00:11:04,302 --> 00:11:07,087
Didn't know those things spray
permanent ink.
288
00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:09,172
That's how you got detention.
289
00:11:09,174 --> 00:11:10,663
- I'll distract Turner.
- How?
290
00:11:10,698 --> 00:11:13,176
I know what makes him tick.
291
00:11:13,178 --> 00:11:15,058
- He's my dad.
- all: What?
292
00:11:15,093 --> 00:11:17,128
Yeah, I don't
exactly advertise it.
293
00:11:17,163 --> 00:11:19,874
It's not easy being the son
of the most-hated man on campus.
294
00:11:19,909 --> 00:11:21,351
No, it's okay.
295
00:11:21,353 --> 00:11:24,575
What happens in detention
stays in detention.
296
00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:25,655
- Right?
- Right.
297
00:11:25,657 --> 00:11:28,986
Right.
298
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,274
Hey, Dad?
299
00:11:31,309 --> 00:11:32,912
You never call me that
at school.
300
00:11:32,914 --> 00:11:34,337
What are you doing here?
301
00:11:34,372 --> 00:11:35,749
Uh...
302
00:11:35,751 --> 00:11:37,572
You remember when
you gave me the sex talk
303
00:11:37,607 --> 00:11:39,222
and you said if I had
any questions,
304
00:11:39,257 --> 00:11:40,925
I could ask you any time.
305
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,536
Of course.
306
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:45,125
Why do men have nipples?
307
00:11:45,127 --> 00:11:47,010
Well, that's
an excellent question.
308
00:11:47,012 --> 00:11:50,013
See, not many people
realize this,
309
00:11:50,015 --> 00:11:53,058
but every embryo begins
developing as a female.
310
00:11:53,093 --> 00:11:54,467
We'll never
make it in time.
311
00:11:54,469 --> 00:11:55,946
[engine starting]
312
00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:57,470
Handled.
313
00:11:57,472 --> 00:11:59,973
Book it, Theo.
314
00:11:59,975 --> 00:12:04,053
And that's why masturbation
is perfectly healthy.
315
00:12:04,088 --> 00:12:05,645
Uh, what a relief.
316
00:12:05,647 --> 00:12:07,730
Good.
Let's get you back to detention.
317
00:12:07,732 --> 00:12:09,149
Wait, I-I just...
318
00:12:09,151 --> 00:12:11,918
I have a few more questions,
like, uh...
319
00:12:11,953 --> 00:12:14,772
Is oral sex really sex?
320
00:12:14,807 --> 00:12:17,040
Or does sex require, um...
321
00:12:20,328 --> 00:12:21,726
I can't believe
you stopped at a red.
322
00:12:21,761 --> 00:12:24,164
What kind of granny cop
are you?
323
00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:25,521
Can you just turn on
the siren?
324
00:12:25,556 --> 00:12:26,775
Look, there are
strict regulations
325
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:28,635
governing the use
of the siren.
326
00:12:28,637 --> 00:12:29,698
[groans]
327
00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:32,222
And, Amy, how can you
possibly be carsick?
328
00:12:35,479 --> 00:12:37,177
Stick your head
out the window.
329
00:12:37,179 --> 00:12:40,080
Dogs do it all the time
and they never barf.
330
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:42,899
[groans]
331
00:12:42,901 --> 00:12:45,231
I'm sorry I busted you
about the check.
332
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:47,570
That wasn't cool.
333
00:12:47,572 --> 00:12:49,072
No, I'm sorry.
334
00:12:49,074 --> 00:12:50,356
I was way too harsh
about Hank.
335
00:12:50,358 --> 00:12:52,775
It's just, I see
how hard it is on you
336
00:12:52,777 --> 00:12:54,024
when he leaves
and...
337
00:12:54,059 --> 00:12:56,412
it just makes me
a little crazy.
338
00:12:56,414 --> 00:12:58,748
Glad you two made up.
We were all so worried.
339
00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:00,700
- Petrified.
- This light is taking forever!
340
00:13:00,702 --> 00:13:01,751
I can't take it anymore.
341
00:13:01,753 --> 00:13:03,577
- [siren wailing]
- Go, go, go!
342
00:13:03,612 --> 00:13:06,506
I better not
lose my job over this.
343
00:13:06,508 --> 00:13:09,514
To some people,
fellatio... cunnilingus...
344
00:13:09,549 --> 00:13:12,174
are more intimate
than actual penetration,
345
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,620
while to others,
346
00:13:13,655 --> 00:13:17,884
anilingus is
the most intimate.
347
00:13:18,937 --> 00:13:20,770
[tires squealing]
348
00:13:22,891 --> 00:13:24,348
Duke!
349
00:13:24,383 --> 00:13:26,410
I'm so sorry.
It's all my fault.
350
00:13:26,445 --> 00:13:27,557
What are you
doing here, Shane?
351
00:13:27,592 --> 00:13:29,395
I want to come clean.
Please hear me out.
352
00:13:29,397 --> 00:13:30,530
[gagging]
353
00:13:30,532 --> 00:13:31,948
Please don't puke in the car.
354
00:13:31,950 --> 00:13:34,784
I'll find some water.
355
00:13:35,842 --> 00:13:39,822
- Uh...
- I need air.
356
00:13:39,824 --> 00:13:41,958
Oh, God...
357
00:13:44,579 --> 00:13:45,712
Okay.
358
00:13:45,714 --> 00:13:49,249
[ethereal indie pop]
359
00:13:49,251 --> 00:13:50,884
You gonna be okay?
360
00:13:50,886 --> 00:13:52,419
'Cause if you die,
I want your room.
361
00:13:52,454 --> 00:13:54,470
And your blow-dryer.
362
00:13:54,472 --> 00:13:56,284
I'm sorry I
pressured you to lie.
363
00:13:56,319 --> 00:14:00,143
If you want to tell Bruce,
I understand.
364
00:14:00,145 --> 00:14:03,269
As much as I do not
forgive Farrah,
365
00:14:03,304 --> 00:14:05,265
I'm not gonna tell Daddy.
366
00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:07,400
I don't want them
to split up either.
367
00:14:07,402 --> 00:14:11,154
This... step-sister thing
isn't so bad.
368
00:14:11,156 --> 00:14:12,772
[chuckles]
369
00:14:16,644 --> 00:14:18,695
Do you think they'll make it?
370
00:14:18,697 --> 00:14:20,196
I don't know.
371
00:14:20,198 --> 00:14:24,167
It was a pretty big betrayal.
372
00:14:24,169 --> 00:14:25,952
Even if Duke wants
to forgive him,
373
00:14:25,954 --> 00:14:29,304
he might not be able to.
374
00:14:29,339 --> 00:14:30,707
Yeah, well,
maybe Shane doesn't know
375
00:14:30,709 --> 00:14:32,959
what else he can do.
376
00:14:32,961 --> 00:14:41,134
377
00:14:43,305 --> 00:14:48,274
I wish I didn't
have to think about this.
378
00:14:48,276 --> 00:14:51,144
I wish I hadn't given you
a reason to.
379
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,850
If I could take it all back,
I would.
380
00:14:54,885 --> 00:14:57,734
I'm so, so sorry.
381
00:14:57,736 --> 00:14:59,619
[sighs]
Thank you.
382
00:14:59,621 --> 00:15:02,474
I never thought I'd hear
you say you were wrong.
383
00:15:02,509 --> 00:15:03,345
Need to hustle, son.
384
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:06,042
We need to be at the airport
in 15 minutes.
385
00:15:06,044 --> 00:15:08,878
What... you're leaving?
386
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,232
But I apologized.
387
00:15:11,267 --> 00:15:12,715
You forgave me.
388
00:15:12,717 --> 00:15:14,884
I said I accepted
your apology.
389
00:15:14,886 --> 00:15:16,052
I didn't say I forgive you.
390
00:15:16,054 --> 00:15:18,588
Stay, please.
391
00:15:18,590 --> 00:15:26,065
392
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,563
I can't.
393
00:15:27,565 --> 00:15:29,932
[engine starting]
394
00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:35,521
395
00:15:37,595 --> 00:15:39,224
That's enough
sex questions for now.
396
00:15:39,259 --> 00:15:40,325
Well, just explain
why people
397
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,799
want to have
sex with animals.
398
00:15:41,801 --> 00:15:43,133
Dad...
399
00:15:47,723 --> 00:15:49,213
You've completed
your detention.
400
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:50,434
I hope you all learned
a little something
401
00:15:50,469 --> 00:15:52,099
about yourselves today.
402
00:15:52,134 --> 00:15:54,561
And I hope I never have
to see you here again.
403
00:15:54,596 --> 00:15:55,463
You're dismissed.
404
00:15:55,498 --> 00:15:57,848
[Simple Minds'
"Don't You Forget About Me"]
405
00:15:57,850 --> 00:15:59,162
Hey, hey, hey, hey
406
00:15:59,197 --> 00:16:01,986
[sighs]
So where do we go from here?
407
00:16:01,988 --> 00:16:04,772
Home.
It's over.
408
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:06,863
Remember, what happens
in detention...
409
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:08,742
Stays in detention.
Got it.
410
00:16:08,744 --> 00:16:09,693
411
00:16:09,695 --> 00:16:11,002
So...
412
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,497
You're all gonna forget now
that I'm going back
413
00:16:12,532 --> 00:16:14,132
in the school to join my dad.
414
00:16:14,167 --> 00:16:17,235
[laughs]
Oh, we'll never forget.
415
00:16:17,270 --> 00:16:18,786
But we won't spill.
416
00:16:18,788 --> 00:16:21,270
Dancing
You know it, baby
417
00:16:21,305 --> 00:16:24,425
Tell me your troubles
and doubts
418
00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:25,876
Want a ride home?
419
00:16:25,878 --> 00:16:27,294
No, I'll walk.
420
00:16:27,296 --> 00:16:29,664
Need to burn off
a few thousand extra calories.
421
00:16:29,699 --> 00:16:32,683
Love's strange,
so real in the dark
422
00:16:32,685 --> 00:16:34,552
Are you okay?
423
00:16:34,554 --> 00:16:35,886
Yeah, I'll be fine.
424
00:16:35,888 --> 00:16:37,888
You know, it was
a long time coming.
425
00:16:37,890 --> 00:16:39,345
I'm ready for a change,
you know?
426
00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:41,980
New leaf, new page.
New haircut.
427
00:16:42,015 --> 00:16:45,309
When the light gets
into your heart, baby
428
00:16:45,344 --> 00:16:46,546
- You want a ride?
- Nah.
429
00:16:46,581 --> 00:16:49,571
I wouldn't want to intrude
on father-daughter time.
430
00:16:49,606 --> 00:16:51,295
- Hey, Karma.
- Hey, Hank.
431
00:16:51,330 --> 00:16:53,237
Glad to see you weren't
kidnapped in Syria.
432
00:16:53,239 --> 00:16:54,737
You believe
no one wanted me?
433
00:16:54,772 --> 00:16:57,134
- Bye.
-
Don't you
434
00:16:57,169 --> 00:16:59,209
Forget about me
435
00:16:59,211 --> 00:17:02,609
436
00:17:02,644 --> 00:17:06,684
Will you stand above me?
437
00:17:06,719 --> 00:17:07,764
Look my way
never love me
438
00:17:07,799 --> 00:17:09,592
I am so excited
to be spending time
439
00:17:09,627 --> 00:17:11,255
with my favorite daughter.
440
00:17:11,257 --> 00:17:12,373
- That you know of.
- That I know of.
441
00:17:12,408 --> 00:17:13,699
[laughs]
All right, look.
442
00:17:13,734 --> 00:17:14,850
We've got some options.
443
00:17:14,885 --> 00:17:17,369
There's a new photo show
at Yard Dog Gallery
444
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:20,598
or there's a haunted
walking tour of downtown.
445
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:21,849
How much time
do we have?
446
00:17:21,851 --> 00:17:22,900
All day.
447
00:17:22,902 --> 00:17:23,832
Well, all afternoon.
448
00:17:23,867 --> 00:17:26,020
I gotta fly
to Moscow tonight.
449
00:17:26,022 --> 00:17:27,774
- Moscow?
- Yeah, new assignment.
450
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:29,608
Rain keeps falling down
451
00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:31,066
[sighs]
452
00:17:31,101 --> 00:17:34,132
Look, Dad...
453
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:35,916
Your job is cool.
I get it.
454
00:17:35,951 --> 00:17:38,113
It's... it's exciting
and dangerous,
455
00:17:38,148 --> 00:17:41,001
and it matters.
456
00:17:41,003 --> 00:17:42,369
But I matter, too,
457
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:44,386
and you can't just keep
blowing into my life
458
00:17:44,421 --> 00:17:46,421
and making me hope
you're gonna be there for me,
459
00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,842
and then blow right out.
460
00:17:48,844 --> 00:17:51,531
If you're gonna be my dad,
then you have to be my dad,
461
00:17:51,566 --> 00:17:53,797
and not just
in between assignments.
462
00:17:53,799 --> 00:17:56,433
Don't you try to pretend
463
00:17:56,435 --> 00:18:00,220
It's my feeling
we'll win in the end
464
00:18:00,222 --> 00:18:03,807
I won't harm you
or touch your defenses
465
00:18:03,809 --> 00:18:05,976
Amanda.
Hey, uh...
466
00:18:05,978 --> 00:18:08,312
Yeah, I-I'm out.
467
00:18:08,314 --> 00:18:11,181
They gotta get somebody else.
I want to stay in Austin.
468
00:18:11,183 --> 00:18:13,550
Don't you forget about me
469
00:18:13,552 --> 00:18:15,685
I'll be alone
Dancing, you know it, baby
470
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,272
Gallery first?
471
00:18:18,274 --> 00:18:19,273
Yeah.
472
00:18:19,275 --> 00:18:22,776
Going to take you apart
473
00:18:22,778 --> 00:18:24,895
Liam.
474
00:18:24,897 --> 00:18:26,585
Together at heart, baby
475
00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:32,504
-
Don't you forget about me
- _
476
00:18:32,539 --> 00:18:34,839
Don't, don't, don't, don't
477
00:18:34,874 --> 00:18:39,910
-
Don't you forget about me
- _
478
00:18:39,912 --> 00:18:41,296
479
00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:43,936
As you walk on by...
480
00:18:43,971 --> 00:18:45,435
[Jimmy Tait's "All My Friends"]
481
00:18:45,470 --> 00:18:48,802
[knock at door]
482
00:18:48,804 --> 00:18:49,753
Hey.
483
00:18:49,788 --> 00:18:54,258
Somewhere I could hide
484
00:18:54,260 --> 00:18:57,292
Can I stay here for a while?
485
00:18:57,327 --> 00:18:58,929
I brought food.
486
00:18:58,931 --> 00:19:01,932
Mi casa es su casa.
487
00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:03,984
But no more eating my feelings.
488
00:19:03,986 --> 00:19:06,270
It's grilled cheese
489
00:19:06,272 --> 00:19:09,990
[laughs]
490
00:19:09,992 --> 00:19:12,910
Maybe just a tear or two.
491
00:19:12,912 --> 00:19:15,579
[sniffling]
492
00:19:15,581 --> 00:19:19,171
All my friends
493
00:19:19,206 --> 00:19:21,052
Hey, what...
494
00:19:21,087 --> 00:19:24,173
Oh, I'm sorry.
I made the mistake of
495
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:25,694
telling my parents
about the breakup,
496
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:27,257
and now they're
smothering me with love
497
00:19:27,259 --> 00:19:29,793
and psychobabble
about new beginnings
498
00:19:29,795 --> 00:19:31,512
and rising from the ashes
and...
499
00:19:31,514 --> 00:19:33,013
[sighs]
500
00:19:33,015 --> 00:19:34,965
Can I have my old room back?
501
00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:36,517
Just for a night.
502
00:19:36,519 --> 00:19:38,469
Please.
503
00:19:38,471 --> 00:19:40,804
Yeah, I'll just...
I'll sleep on the couch.
504
00:19:40,806 --> 00:19:44,348
[sighs]
505
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:47,027
Hey.
506
00:19:47,029 --> 00:19:51,211
Have you ever
had your heart broken?
507
00:19:51,246 --> 00:19:53,033
Uh...
508
00:19:53,035 --> 00:19:54,935
Yeah.
509
00:19:54,970 --> 00:19:59,123
When my mom died.
510
00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:00,421
[sniffles]
I'm so sorry.
511
00:20:00,456 --> 00:20:03,533
I didn't know.
512
00:20:03,568 --> 00:20:05,162
How'd you get through it?
513
00:20:05,164 --> 00:20:09,833
All my friends
514
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:12,573
Sitting on the fence
515
00:20:12,608 --> 00:20:14,671
There's no magic bullet.
516
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:18,058
[sniffling]
517
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:20,761
You just...
518
00:20:20,763 --> 00:20:22,679
You do it.
519
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:24,648
One day at a time.
520
00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:30,069
They'll never rush
to my defense
521
00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:31,414
Next on "Faking It"...
522
00:20:31,449 --> 00:20:32,334
We were hook-up hunters.
523
00:20:32,369 --> 00:20:33,673
And the world was our prey.
524
00:20:33,708 --> 00:20:35,161
- We will start tonight.
- Yeah!
525
00:20:35,196 --> 00:20:36,649
I can't believe
you haven't told PFLAG
526
00:20:36,684 --> 00:20:37,784
that I'm not a lesbian.
527
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:38,706
It would mean
the world to her
528
00:20:38,741 --> 00:20:39,922
if you two would go together.
529
00:20:39,957 --> 00:20:42,189
- Dad, that's insane.
- I have boundaries.
530
00:20:42,224 --> 00:20:44,675
No more handholding,
no slow dancing.
531
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:45,848
Voila!
No feelings!
532
00:20:45,883 --> 00:20:48,156
- Yeah, we'll do it.
- Let's be lesbians.
533
00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:49,312
Again.
534
00:20:49,362 --> 00:20:53,912
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