Original subtitles

Previously on "Faking It"...

When I got outed and lost my sponsorship,

it was the worst day of my life.

(Amy) Why don't you just tell Duke you outed him?

When you asked if any of it was real, I only said no

because my boss was listening. I want you back.

(Karma) Since the drug bust, we're broke.

Why didn't you tell me?

I'm living in the juice truck in my back yard.

It's humiliating.

Does this have to be the end?

We're just in different places, Amy.

I just can't believe it's over.

[birds chirping]

[inhales deeply]

Hey. Morning.

Hey.

Uh, looks like we fell asleep marathoning Sherlock.

That explains my dream.

Cumberbatch was making me Eggs Benedict.

Yeah-huh.

Thanks for staying over last night again.

You've really helped me through this breakup.

Mm-hmm.

You know it's Saturday.

You don't have to rush to school.

Well, we told Liam, Shane, and Duke

we'd meet them for coffee, remember?

We did?

I don't know what I was thinking.

Coffee's bad for you, addictive really.

It's basically a drug.

Amy, you can't wallow forever.

Says who?

Let's wallow together forever.

We need to resist the inertia of this room

and get into the world.

You go. Between "Shuke" and "Kiam,"

I'll just be Amy, the fifth wheel.

Amy.

Go, seriously.

If I'm around any more lovey-dovey crap, I might vomit.

I miss your eyes.

I miss your lips.

I miss kissing you.

I miss kissing you in public.

Me too, but we talked about this.

I know, if anyone found out, we'd both be in hot water.

You'd lose your job. I'd lose my presidency.

Hester hates you, Theo.

Crap! I did it again. I can't stop calling you Theo.

[laughs] Then don't.

I've always liked the name. That's why I picked it.

Plus, I love the way you say it.

Theo, Theo, Theo.

[chuckles]

Oh. I was hoping that would summon you,

like Beetlejuice.

Actually, I was just there.

Now, there might be a secret note on your back porch.

- For me? - Yes.

Ten points for gentility. Hold, please.

[scoffs] Look what I found, look.

"I'm counting the hours until I see you again."

[scoffs] What is that?

I don't know. It's definitely not for me.

[gasps]

Oh, my God, I know exactly what this is.

You do?

My mom is having an affair.

Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com

[sighs] This blows.

Isn't working on the weekend

more of a thing for the service industry?

Dad says when you love what you do, every day is a weekend.

Wow. I think that's

the first time I've ever heard you use the D-word.

After last week, that's got to be

some kind of breakthrough or something.

- Is it? - Maybe it isn't.

But I'm stuck stapling on a Saturday,

so I'm searching for a silver lining.

Ah, my two favorite interns.

Looking good, Mr. B. Have you been working out?

[chuckles] Zita, would you excuse us for a moment, please?

No problem. I'll just deliver these

while you two "skwerk" it out. [chuckles]

I like her.

Ugh.

No, I mean, I like her for you.

I'm seeing someone already, remember?

Yeah, Karma. Yeah, I can't seem to forget.

The one I bailed out of jail, the one that roofied me.

[laughs]

Okay, well, yes, but, technically, that wasn't her.

Trust me, Karma is awesome.

They all seem awesome until they come after your money.

That's what I like about Zita. She's got piles of her own.

I told you.

Okay. You're free to choose whatever path you wish.

It's just my instinct to protect you.

No matter what you think, you're my son.

[humming]

Is that a new haircut, Mother?

Why? Is it too short?

Oh, that darn Becky at the salon,

so liberal with her scissors... and other things.

No, it looks nice.

Oh. [laughs]

Too nice.

I've seen it all before... the hairdo, the happiness.

- She's cheating. - You don't know that.

Maybe then it was from Bruce.

Nope, this is my mom's pattern.

She cheats on every husband with the next one.

Every guy is a roll of the ass[bleep] dice.

Believe it or not, Bruce was the best in the bunch.

And, uh...

this whole step-sister thing wasn't so terrible either.

Same.

Right.

So this is our family,

and it's up to us to keep her from wrecking it.

If we can prove she started something.

You have a tendency to fly off the handle

with too little information.

Remember the croquembouche?

[laughs]

I'm sorry, it's just a funny word.

Oh, "croquembouche."

[clears throat]

Are we being that couple again?

Sorry, not sorry.

Sorry for real sorry.

I've just been so busy with appearances,

deal negotiations, fight prep, and...

When we do get together, we want to make the most of it.

I get it, really.

I mean, Liam's gonna be here any second,

and I'm sure we'll be just as annoying.

[both laughing]

Hi.

(Liam) Hey, what's up, boys?

(Duke) Liam, good to see you.

Oh, Zita. Hi.

Hope it's okay to crash your group hang.

My friends usually spend Saturdays

doing mandatory community service.

[boys laugh]

Karma, hey, love the bag. Vera Wang, right?

No. Uh, it's actually H&M.

Oh, cute.

I've actually got to get going. I've got a flight to catch.

I've got my first professional MMA fight

tonight in Los Angeles.

- Man, that's awesome. - Congratulations.

On pay-per-view and everything.

People are paying for my boyfriend

and not in a hooker-y way.

[laughter]

I'd say, "Break a leg," but, you know, don't.

Sucks his publicist couldn't get him a plus-one plane ticket.

On the bright side, my boyfriend has a big, fancy publicist.

It's almost like Duke's unstoppable since he came out.

Oh, is that how it happened?

Hey, why don't we all chip in,

and we can watch the fight on TV?

Or we could fly to Los Angeles and watch it for real.

Zita, not everyone can afford last-minute plane tickets.

Ew, commercial? No.

I meant we can take my family jet.

[sighs] Hey, Veronica Mars,

do you really expect to find anything in there?

Uh, yeah, okay? Maybe more clues,

like a receipt for a fancy perfume

or a-a-a gym membership.

Neither of those are exactly a smoking gun.

[gasps]

_

[scoffs]

Is this smoking enough for you?

Oh, my God!

Somebody is having an affair.

[sighs] Go get the toilet paper,

'cause [bleep] just got real.

Do all jets come with a masseur that good?

Another couple minutes, and I might have been

in the mile high club.

[laughter]

Zita, how can I ever thank you?

Well, when you and Duke adopt your first

cute ethnically ambiguous baby, you can name her after me.

- Done. - [laughter]

Ready for the good life now

Ba-da da-da-da-da-da

We're here!

Okay, Duke's weigh-in is just about to start.

We'll make it just in time.

You guys have fun with that.

Come on, Karma, let's hit Rodeo

and get something to wear for the fight tonight.

We can even get something for the boys too... my treat.

Okay.

Hey, are you okay with all of this?

You know, with things, um, back home right now,

I wouldn't blame you if you felt uncomfortable.

[scoffs] The only thing that was uncomfortable

was the turbulence over Arizona.

You're sweet to worry about me, but I'm having a blast.

What do you mean, you think the cheater is Bruce?

He has a history of cheating too.

Just ask any of his four broken engagements,

and he's been acting all suspicious lately,

desperate for my affection.

Yeah, it's been like that ever since your pageant meltdown.

- I'm telling you, it's him. - Shh, pshh!

What are you two gabbing about?

Oh, nothing, just homework. Lauren got a question wrong.

Wha...

Mom, why aren't you wearing your wedding ring?

Silly, I always take my rings off before cooking,

ever since the garbage disposal incident of 2006.

Perfectly reasonable explanation.

Maybe you wouldn't know because you never cook anything.

That's a new shirt, Dad. Expanding your wardrobe lately?

I might have bought a few things with a very thoughtful gift

a very thoughtful little lady gave me.

Gift giving?

Making up for something, Mother?

Honey!

Oh. I know what this is about.

You're still smarting from your breakup.

And I'll bet right now you hope that you will never fall

in love again, but your soul mate is out there.

You'll find him someday... or her.

Them. Whoever.

[laughs]

[camera shutters clicking, indistinct chatter]

You, sir, are about to be very, very famous.

I guess that'll make me famous adjacent.

Shane, oh, my God! What are you doing here?

I mean, when? How?

Zita flew us here in her plane. She's now my new best friend.

- Hey! - Wow, the Liam Booker.

That product launch was a PR triumph.

I've already pre-ordered my monocle.

Guys, this is my publicist, Joanna.

Now to the scales, Duke Lewis, Jr.!

I'll be right back... I just have to go

intimidate the [bleep] out of this dude real quick.

Make him cry.

- Yeah! - All right, Duke!

(man) Whoo-hoo!

171 1/2.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah!

Now, gentlemen, face off.

You don't have to stay for this part, Shane,

if it makes you jealous.

Not one bit. Trust me, I know who Duke

is going to prom with, and it ain't that guy.

Prom? You're in high school?

People are always so shocked when I say that.

[laughs]

You look like a million bucks.

Well, that's because this dress almost costs that much.

I told you not to look at the tags.

This trip is on me.

You're sure.

100%. I don't want you to think about money all weekend.

It sounds like you could use a break from that.

Uh, can you do me?

Oh, uh, Liam told you about our money problems?

Yeah. Skwerkel is boring,

so we just blah, blah, blah about everything

so we don't gouge our eyes out.

That's why I thought this trip would be a good escape,

for you and for Liam.

He had all that bio-dad drama last week.

Right. Yeah, that was tough,

tough on Liam.

I can't believe that art douche was after Liam's money.

What a prick.

(both) Mmm.

One of them is a really good liar.

Mm-hmm. Emmy award winning.

I'm gonna head into the office for a bit, sugar plum.

Uh, this late on a weekend?

Yeah, it's less distractions. Have a good night.

Okay, We're following his ass right now.

20 bucks says he leads us straight to his floozy.

Sorry, girls. The station called.

There's a chance of wind sheer tonight,

and they want me there, just in case.

Don't wait up.

Uh-huh, uh-huh!

There's no such thing as wind sheer... I think.

Well, [bleep], it could still be either of them.

- Who do we follow? - [sighs]

Neither. We're gonna go to that motel.

It's time for a stakeout.

[sighs]

[scoffs] Neither car is here.

We must have beat the cheater.

Or we missed the cheater altogether

because you had to stop for snacks.

Have you not seen any stakeout movies?

Snacks are essential. We might be here awhile.

[crunching]

[sighs]

Jeez, it's like you're the one about to get in the ring.

Well, Duke's wanted this since preschool.

He has to win tonight in order to be taken seriously.

Plus, watching my boyfriend get beat to a bloody pulp

is not my idea of foreplay...

I don't think.

Shane, Duke is gonna slay it.

[sighs] I hope so.

Okay, I'm gonna do some laps to work off these nerves.

Hey, Zita.

Hi. We're here.

You might want to scoop that jaw up off the floor, Booker.

There are a million words

running through my mind right now.

I'll just go with "wowza."

[laughs] Thanks.

And you don't look so bad yourself.

Um...

can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

Zita Cruz.

- Oh. - My apologies.

I had no idea you were coming.

We'll get you on the list right away.

- Okay. - Liam, you dog.

Why didn't you tell me you two were dating?

- Uh, because we're... - Let's get you guys

over to the red carpet right away.

Okay.

Sorry, sweetie. Do you mind waiting to the side?

But I-I'm...

[photographers chattering]

[laughs]

Hey, did you see where Karma went?

Uh, no, I thought she was behind you.

Karma?

Shane!

- Can we offline for a sec? - Yes.

I just want to make sure we're both on the same page, you know,

that you're on board with the plan.

Uh, unless the plan is looking dangerously fly,

I don't know what you're talking about.

[laughs]

You said you're proud of our Duke's

- rising star, right? - Yeah.

So you wouldn't want to do anything

to spoil that, now, would you?

You really like to talk all around a thing

- before saying it, huh? - [laughs]

Look...

I tell most of my clients not to have a relationship

in the open, and if they do,

it should be with someone impressive,

usually one of my other clients, no offense.

Yes, offense. Very much offense.

I'm not impressive enough?

You're in high school. It's bad optics.

Makes Duke seem...

less desirable.

It's better for Duke if you keep your relationship

on the down-low.

- You understand. - I certainly do not.

And Duke won't either.

Well, Duke and I have already discussed it.

But don't worry.

I've already arranged for you to watch the fight

in the green room, if you'd like.

- [cell phone ringing] - Sorry, one sec. Go for Jo.

[photographers shouting]

This sucks.

[sighs] Marriage sucks.

Correction, love sucks.

You don't believe that.

[scoffs] Yeah, I do.

Wake up, soon-to-be-former sister.

These are our role models for happy, lasting relationships.

You and I are doomed.

_

Maybe not.

"Doomed" is such a strong and negative word.

We are not our parents.

Wait, wait. Here we go, here we go.

Whose car is it?

[sighs]

I was right. It was my mom.

[horn honks]

That bitch!

Hey, there you are.

I've been looking everywhere for you.

Uh, it turns out the dress doesn't fit.

None of this does.

Uh, could you have your jet take me home tonight?

I mean, that's okay, right? You said money doesn't matter.

Yeah. Yeah, whatever you want.

Well, let me go with you.

No. You belong here.

In fact, you two belong together.

I mean, everyone else already thinks so.

I'm just gonna...

I knew the money was gonna be a problem.

It always screws everything up.

It's not just the money.

I had to find out from Zita that you thought

you found your real dad?

Liam, I'm so sorry that happened,

but why didn't you share that with me?

'Cause you were with Amy all last week.

[scoffs] Watching TV. You could've called.

Look, I don't know what I can and can't do with you.

How am I supposed to know what the rules are

if I don't even know what we are?

I mean, do you... We're more than friends with benefits,

but we're not quite back together,

and, oh, yeah, also, you've been tying me up.

So you tell me, Karma, what's the answer?

I haven't had any answers since you slept with my best friend.

There it is, your trump card!

How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry,

that I want to be with you?

[scoffs] Will that ever be enough?

I don't know!

I don't know.

I have to go.

[crowd cheering]

Excuse me, can you direct me to the green room,

since that's where I'm supposed to be locked away and hidden?

Shane, what are you talking about?

I talked to Joanna.

After everything we've been through,

how did you think I'd be okay going back in the closet,

to be your secret little boy toy on the side

when the cameras are off?

- Shane, stop. - You stop.

Stop letting the publicist, the paparazzi,

the pay-per-view go to your head.

God, if I'd known it was gonna be like this,

I never would've outed you.

(male announcer) Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome to the ring for the very first time

Duke Lewis, Jr.

[cheers and applause]

Just so you know,

when Joanna asked me to keep you a secret,

I said no.

[cheers and applause]

[sad music]

Hello, Karma. Please, get in.

Maybe we should just go home.

You'll say something you'll regret.

I'll say something she'll regret.

We moved here for her, uprooted our lives,

let a whole new family into our hearts!

Farrah! Open up!

We know you're in there doing the devil's dead

in your pit of sin!

Maybe it wasn't my mom after all.

Either you open this door, or I drive my car through it!

Hey, baby.

Dad?

Hey.

You missed the whole fight.

[sighs] Yeah, I didn't really feel like watching.

Are you okay?

That convo with Karma

looked like it was going in a dark direction.

Did you two break up?

I don't know if there's anything to break up.

Well, what do you want?

Honestly?

I don't know.

Well...

I know what I want.

- Is that what you found?

- Is that what you found?

Like the other boys?

Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com

Next on "Faking It"...

Welcome to detention.

For the next seven hours, you belong to me.

Aren't you guys all friends?

[both gasp]

I don't give a [bleep] what you think.

You're guilty of yet another lie.

You can't just do the wrong thing

and then pretend it's for the right reason.

What's this? It's a check from Max Booker.

What the hell is going on?

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