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www.tvsubtitles.net
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Everyone would agree that one
of the most important days of the year
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00:00:06,693 --> 00:00:07,703
is Mother's Day.
4
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,828
Happy Mother's Day!
5
00:00:09,906 --> 00:00:12,959
Oh, you guys didn't have to do this.
6
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:16,082
Everybody wants to show their mama
how much they love them.
7
00:00:16,235 --> 00:00:18,591
Even 2Pac
wrote a song about his mother.
8
00:00:18,808 --> 00:00:21,752
On Mother's Day,
people pull out all the stops.
9
00:00:21,843 --> 00:00:23,894
You take your mother to brunch...
10
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,581
We're out of food.
11
00:00:25,628 --> 00:00:27,000
I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
12
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,702
If you could just come back
next Sunday.
13
00:00:28,730 --> 00:00:30,963
What-What do you mean
you're out of food? Next Sunday?
14
00:00:31,013 --> 00:00:33,247
We're out of food, Mama.
What you want me to do?
15
00:00:35,539 --> 00:00:39,244
We take her to a great movie
so she can wear a great big hat...
16
00:00:39,276 --> 00:00:41,189
and you spend your last dime on her,
17
00:00:41,248 --> 00:00:42,952
just so she knows she's number one.
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00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,051
Oh, my God!
19
00:00:44,719 --> 00:00:45,900
Come on.
20
00:00:48,350 --> 00:00:49,983
Oh, I can't believe you did this.
21
00:00:50,018 --> 00:00:53,231
But when it comes to Father's Day,
nobody gave a damn.
22
00:00:53,290 --> 00:00:54,734
It's Father's Day, people.
23
00:00:54,811 --> 00:00:56,510
Come on down to Pastures and Shores.
24
00:00:56,511 --> 00:00:57,863
The food is half-price.
25
00:00:58,254 --> 00:00:59,404
Buenas noches.
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00:00:59,471 --> 00:01:00,941
¿Como se dice "half-off"?
27
00:01:01,807 --> 00:01:03,500
The movies are terrible...
28
00:01:05,081 --> 00:01:07,805
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
29
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:09,517
...the gifts suck...
30
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,303
What the hell is this?
31
00:01:13,057 --> 00:01:14,748
It's a parking space, honey.
32
00:01:14,795 --> 00:01:16,321
We got you a parking space.
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00:01:16,588 --> 00:01:18,161
Better park and be happy.
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00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,788
And the only song for fathers was this.
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00:01:21,653 --> 00:01:23,943
* Papa was a rolling stone, *
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00:01:24,159 --> 00:01:25,626
* my son, yeah *
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00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,788
This year, I wanted to get my father
the perfect gift,
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00:01:29,835 --> 00:01:32,771
and the only way to do that
was to ask him what he wanted.
39
00:01:32,891 --> 00:01:35,917
Dad, what present
do you want for Father's Day?
40
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,809
You want to get me something
for Father's Day?
41
00:01:39,810 --> 00:01:41,660
You can help me knock off
one of these bills.
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00:01:41,661 --> 00:01:42,661
Julius...
43
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:46,061
Okay.
44
00:01:46,721 --> 00:01:47,721
Father's Day...
45
00:01:48,820 --> 00:01:49,820
You know what?
46
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:53,259
Y'all really want to get me something
for Father's Day?
47
00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:55,526
- I know exactly what I want.
- What's that, baby?
48
00:01:55,561 --> 00:01:56,610
A day off.
49
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,166
You mean a day off from work?
50
00:01:59,264 --> 00:02:00,264
No.
51
00:02:00,731 --> 00:02:03,199
A day off from everything
and everybody.
52
00:02:04,283 --> 00:02:05,382
No fighting,
53
00:02:05,531 --> 00:02:06,390
no shouting,
54
00:02:06,644 --> 00:02:07,689
no complaining,
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00:02:07,891 --> 00:02:08,891
no fixing.
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00:02:10,346 --> 00:02:13,725
Just one day where I can do
whatever I feel like doing.
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00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:16,511
I hope he doesn't want to leave us
for a white girl.
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00:02:17,451 --> 00:02:19,987
1x22 Everybody Hates Father's Day
59
00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:22,736
Transcript: Raceman
Syncrho: Sixe
60
00:02:51,959 --> 00:02:54,631
So, wait, your dad says
he doesn't want anything?
61
00:02:54,769 --> 00:02:57,592
Nope. All he said was
he wanted to be all alone.
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00:02:57,771 --> 00:02:58,820
You better watch out.
63
00:02:58,821 --> 00:03:00,570
My mother said she wanted a day alone.
64
00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:03,085
The next thing we knew,
she left and moved to Poughkeepsie.
65
00:03:03,132 --> 00:03:05,699
Well, I don't care what he says.
I'm gonna get him something.
66
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:07,150
My father said what he wanted.
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00:03:07,151 --> 00:03:09,060
My mother said what he was gonna get.
68
00:03:09,061 --> 00:03:11,520
What kind of gift is a day off
from your family?
69
00:03:11,521 --> 00:03:12,579
It's just one day.
70
00:03:12,655 --> 00:03:14,820
Well, how is that supposed
to make the kids feel?
71
00:03:14,821 --> 00:03:17,115
Women always used the kids against you.
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00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,429
It's Father's Day
and you don't want to be a father.
73
00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:21,786
I did not say that.
74
00:03:22,532 --> 00:03:24,152
They're trying to honor you,
75
00:03:24,251 --> 00:03:26,898
and all you got to say is,
"Leave me the hell alone."
76
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:29,516
I did not say,
"Leave me the hell alone."
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00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:30,836
You may as well have.
78
00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:34,440
I haven't had a day
to myself in 13 years.
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00:03:35,171 --> 00:03:37,347
If I didn't want to be a father, I...
80
00:03:37,424 --> 00:03:39,480
That look means
if you want to keep beg a father
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00:03:39,481 --> 00:03:40,858
you better keep your mouth shut.
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00:03:40,893 --> 00:03:44,519
It is supposed to be our day
to do something special for you.
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00:03:44,569 --> 00:03:46,449
That's what I'm trying to say.
84
00:03:47,456 --> 00:03:49,945
It's Father's Day. Why can't I do
what the hell I want to do?
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00:03:49,991 --> 00:03:50,991
Huh? Say what?
86
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,681
Uh... you got the key?
87
00:03:55,826 --> 00:03:59,102
Well, what you gonna do here
all day by yourself anyway?
88
00:04:00,695 --> 00:04:01,655
Nothing.
89
00:04:01,656 --> 00:04:04,479
Well, can the kids
at least get you a real gift?
90
00:04:05,756 --> 00:04:06,756
What?
91
00:04:10,201 --> 00:04:11,166
What's that?
92
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:15,402
Every Father's Day card and present
I've gotten for the past four years.
93
00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:16,776
Look at this.
94
00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:18,125
A box of S-Curl.
95
00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:19,371
I got you that.
96
00:04:19,475 --> 00:04:20,926
A macaroni cigar box.
97
00:04:21,090 --> 00:04:23,236
- That's so cute.
- I got four ties--
98
00:04:23,786 --> 00:04:25,702
a neck tie, a bow tie,
99
00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,262
bolo tie...
100
00:04:28,297 --> 00:04:29,412
I got him that.
101
00:04:30,146 --> 00:04:31,381
...and a clip-on tie.
102
00:04:32,194 --> 00:04:33,533
I don't even wear ties.
103
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:34,724
I don't go nowhere.
104
00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:41,727
That's $28.46
we could have used on something else.
105
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,874
Well, it's the thought that counts.
106
00:04:46,026 --> 00:04:48,005
I appreciate it, I really do,
107
00:04:48,192 --> 00:04:49,376
but if you buy me presents,
108
00:04:49,377 --> 00:04:51,585
I'm just gonna have to work
to pay it off.
109
00:04:51,586 --> 00:04:52,586
At this rate,
110
00:04:52,686 --> 00:04:54,450
I'll be working when I'm dead.
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00:04:56,086 --> 00:04:58,064
Julius, you're dead.
What are you doing here?
112
00:04:58,141 --> 00:04:59,645
Trying to pay off these presents.
113
00:04:59,646 --> 00:05:01,940
Listen, can I work the graveyard shift?
114
00:05:03,812 --> 00:05:04,812
Fine.
115
00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:05,966
Okay, then.
116
00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:08,315
Have your little stinky day off.
117
00:05:08,316 --> 00:05:10,730
But on your birthday
I will promise you this.
118
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,613
You will be getting a cake,
and you will like it.
119
00:05:13,674 --> 00:05:14,777
I know.
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00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,149
You better jump back
and kiss yourself.
121
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,884
And, uh,
put up the groceries.
122
00:05:19,005 --> 00:05:20,181
Before your day off.
123
00:05:24,731 --> 00:05:26,347
Does he have any hobbies?
124
00:05:26,479 --> 00:05:27,831
Is taking naps a hobby?
125
00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:29,077
No.
126
00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:31,933
So, what are you getting your dad
for Father's Day?
127
00:05:31,934 --> 00:05:33,848
I don't know if "getting"
is the right word.
128
00:05:33,940 --> 00:05:35,039
It's more like "doing."
129
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,388
Okay,
so what are you doing for your dad?
130
00:05:37,389 --> 00:05:40,200
Well, first,
I'm making his favorite breakfast--
131
00:05:40,201 --> 00:05:41,848
Cap'n Crunch and cantaloupe.
132
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:45,649
I tried to imagine doing the things
that Greg talked about with my father.
133
00:05:45,650 --> 00:05:47,919
Like bringing him
Cap'n Crunch and cantaloupe.
134
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:48,920
Are you crazy?
135
00:05:49,429 --> 00:05:51,686
Boy, you better bring me some bacon.
136
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:55,326
I thought about taking my dad
to the zoo to see some penguins.
137
00:05:55,327 --> 00:05:57,729
We paid $3.50 to see
a bird that can't fly?
138
00:05:57,730 --> 00:06:00,689
What you gonna show me next,
rats that don't eat cheese?
139
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:04,748
I even imagined us shooting off
bottle rockets in front of the house.
140
00:06:10,484 --> 00:06:11,618
Run, boy, run!
141
00:06:11,696 --> 00:06:14,222
I wonder if Greg's dad
ever got shot at.
142
00:06:16,492 --> 00:06:18,181
Have you decided what you're gonna do?
143
00:06:18,217 --> 00:06:20,328
I can't do any of the stuff
that you talked about.
144
00:06:20,329 --> 00:06:21,545
I only have $27.
145
00:06:21,830 --> 00:06:22,892
That's not bad.
146
00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:25,983
If I were you, I'd try and figure out
what he needs and just give him that.
147
00:06:25,983 --> 00:06:29,567
I wonder if it would ruin our friendship
if I smacked his eyebrows off?
148
00:06:33,647 --> 00:06:35,294
What you looking for, Chris?
149
00:06:36,435 --> 00:06:39,746
I'm trying to find my father
something for Father's Day.
150
00:06:39,805 --> 00:06:40,867
Father's Day.
151
00:06:41,119 --> 00:06:43,469
My daddy liked guns,
liquor and women.
152
00:06:43,882 --> 00:06:45,568
I guess he liked jail, too.
153
00:06:45,688 --> 00:06:47,390
What does your daddy like to do?
154
00:06:47,653 --> 00:06:48,979
That's the tough part.
155
00:06:49,029 --> 00:06:51,050
All he does is sleep and work.
156
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,561
I know what that's like.
157
00:06:52,639 --> 00:06:54,109
But I got just the thing.
158
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:59,881
A Swiss LCD quartz
calculator alarm watch.
159
00:07:00,943 --> 00:07:03,317
Well, he has an alarm clock at home.
160
00:07:03,499 --> 00:07:05,269
What's he need one in his watch for?
161
00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:06,270
You never know.
162
00:07:12,449 --> 00:07:14,211
Thank goodness for this watch.
163
00:07:15,462 --> 00:07:16,585
I never thought of that.
164
00:07:16,661 --> 00:07:18,254
It's got a calculator, too.
165
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,625
He can figure out
how much anything costs.
166
00:07:20,671 --> 00:07:22,336
If it came with a side of bacon,
167
00:07:22,337 --> 00:07:25,042
that would have been
the best gift in history.
168
00:07:25,093 --> 00:07:26,387
How much does it cost?
169
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:28,750
$24.95.
170
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,058
He just made that up.
171
00:07:30,105 --> 00:07:31,151
I'll take it.
172
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:37,877
Mama, how come Daddy doesn't want
to be with us on Father's Day?
173
00:07:38,018 --> 00:07:40,819
Oh, baby, it's not that your daddy
doesn't want to be with us,
174
00:07:40,820 --> 00:07:43,152
it's just that
he works hard all the time
175
00:07:43,319 --> 00:07:46,039
and he just wants to have
a little time to be by himself.
176
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,040
Man, that's cool.
177
00:07:47,489 --> 00:07:50,799
I can't wait until I'm a father so
I can have this whole house to myself.
178
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,057
You are not gonna be
a father in this house,
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00:07:53,058 --> 00:07:55,469
because I ain't taking care
of no babies.
180
00:07:55,961 --> 00:07:57,060
Lost your mind.
181
00:07:57,809 --> 00:07:59,985
Well, can we still get him a present?
182
00:08:00,269 --> 00:08:02,626
Sure, baby.
What'd you have in mind?
183
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:05,520
These.
184
00:08:05,669 --> 00:08:09,534
See, I took daddy's old slippers
and put macaroni on them.
185
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,372
Oh, baby, that's nice.
186
00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:13,638
I'm gonna help you wrap them later.
187
00:08:14,344 --> 00:08:15,835
Can you help me wrap mine, too?
188
00:08:15,890 --> 00:08:17,242
I'm making dad cologne.
189
00:08:17,654 --> 00:08:19,488
Oh, where did you learn
how to make cologne?
190
00:08:19,489 --> 00:08:21,509
I saw it in the back of a magazine.
191
00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:23,025
All I need is oil,
192
00:08:23,260 --> 00:08:26,183
something to give it a little smell
and, uh, alcohol.
193
00:08:26,265 --> 00:08:28,069
Then just leave it in a jar for a week.
194
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:30,164
Mama, since Daddy wants
to be by himself,
195
00:08:30,165 --> 00:08:31,369
what are we gonna do?
196
00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:32,958
We are gonna have some fun.
197
00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:36,356
Chris!
Time to eat!
198
00:08:39,029 --> 00:08:40,911
Hey, Dad, what's all that stuff?
199
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:43,888
It's a bunch of stuff guys
on my route got me for Father's Day.
200
00:08:43,889 --> 00:08:44,889
Oh, look at this.
201
00:08:46,562 --> 00:08:50,014
It's an LCD quartz
calculator alarm watch.
202
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,464
It's the best gift I ever got.
203
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,004
Maybe I could glue
some macaroni to his shoes.
204
00:09:07,674 --> 00:09:09,923
Happy Father's Day!
205
00:09:10,198 --> 00:09:11,869
Happy Father's Day, baby.
206
00:09:11,916 --> 00:09:13,020
We love you.
207
00:09:14,659 --> 00:09:16,340
I love y'all, too. Yeah.
208
00:09:17,614 --> 00:09:20,092
Hey, y'all have fun today, okay?
209
00:09:20,397 --> 00:09:22,487
Daddy,
aren't you gonna read your card?
210
00:09:22,549 --> 00:09:24,755
Ooh, yeah.
Let's see here.
211
00:09:28,664 --> 00:09:31,400
"To the Best Dad in the Whole World."
212
00:09:31,881 --> 00:09:33,420
That's so sweet.
213
00:09:34,781 --> 00:09:35,838
Oh, thank you.
214
00:09:35,906 --> 00:09:38,994
Hey, y'all enjoy y'all selves today,
all right? Okay, bye-bye.
215
00:09:39,041 --> 00:09:41,330
Dad, we made
your favorite thing for breakfast.
216
00:09:41,365 --> 00:09:42,576
And I brought your gout pills,
217
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,746
so now you can eat
all you want without worrying.
218
00:09:45,357 --> 00:09:47,670
Man, bacon, eggs with cheese,
219
00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:48,915
biscuits and butter.
220
00:09:48,948 --> 00:09:51,038
I feel like I died and went to heaven.
221
00:09:51,348 --> 00:09:53,967
- Thank you, baby.
- Oh, ain't nothing, baby.
222
00:09:54,012 --> 00:09:56,266
- They did it all.
- When y'all leaving, huh?
223
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:58,449
All right, in a minute.
224
00:09:58,743 --> 00:09:59,983
And you're welcome.
225
00:10:00,213 --> 00:10:03,133
And baby,
make sure you take those pills, okay?
226
00:10:03,409 --> 00:10:04,266
All right.
227
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,368
You guys go get ready so we can go.
228
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:08,200
Hurry up, now. Hurry up.
Faster.
229
00:10:08,247 --> 00:10:09,711
- Isn't that sweet?
- There you go.
230
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:11,387
We have the best kids in the world.
231
00:10:11,422 --> 00:10:12,732
- Oh, yeah.
- They're so sweet.
232
00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:13,848
They are.
233
00:10:15,378 --> 00:10:17,895
That look means,
"Ain't you supposed to be leaving?"
234
00:10:17,896 --> 00:10:19,660
You better hurry up. I mean...
235
00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:22,698
You're gonna be late for your,
uh, the, um...
236
00:10:22,905 --> 00:10:23,905
Uh, the...
237
00:10:24,653 --> 00:10:25,715
Uh, what y'all doing?
238
00:10:25,716 --> 00:10:27,245
We're going to the museum.
239
00:10:27,595 --> 00:10:29,783
And to see the movie Trading Places.
240
00:10:29,854 --> 00:10:31,715
- Oh, that should be funny.
- Right. Right.
241
00:10:31,716 --> 00:10:33,435
So, you better hurry up, all right?
242
00:10:33,436 --> 00:10:35,304
Okay, Julius, we're leaving.
243
00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:38,085
All right, well,
I'll be home in time for dinner, okay?
244
00:10:38,086 --> 00:10:39,380
Thank you. I love you.
245
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,200
I love you, too, baby.
246
00:10:43,199 --> 00:10:44,204
You have a good day.
247
00:10:44,205 --> 00:10:45,499
All right. Oh, I will.
248
00:10:46,055 --> 00:10:47,172
Get on out of here.
249
00:10:47,340 --> 00:10:48,373
Happy Father's Day!
250
00:10:48,408 --> 00:10:49,794
- Hey, enjoy yourself.
- I will.
251
00:10:49,829 --> 00:10:51,997
For my father to have one day
where he could do
252
00:10:52,044 --> 00:10:55,470
whatever he felt like doing
was like finding a million dollars.
253
00:11:06,068 --> 00:11:07,536
He slept on the couch.
254
00:11:08,864 --> 00:11:10,040
He slept in the bed.
255
00:11:12,175 --> 00:11:15,772
He slept on the dining room table
and dreamt his favorite dreams.
256
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:17,793
17 cent worth of butter.
257
00:11:19,224 --> 00:11:20,546
He watched bowling.
258
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,383
Yeah!
259
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,170
Yes!
260
00:11:24,346 --> 00:11:25,522
He watched baseball.
261
00:11:25,589 --> 00:11:27,546
- Here's the pitch. And...
- Yeah!
262
00:11:28,348 --> 00:11:29,517
He watched golf.
263
00:11:29,766 --> 00:11:31,610
It's on it way, and it's in.
264
00:11:34,271 --> 00:11:37,506
He even did stuff
we didn't know he did, like painting.
265
00:11:39,380 --> 00:11:41,278
And singing his favorite songs.
266
00:12:01,524 --> 00:12:03,727
I didn't say he knew all the words.
267
00:12:35,416 --> 00:12:38,786
While my father was doing things
he wouldn't do while we were around,
268
00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:42,133
we were doing things
we wouldn't do while he was around.
269
00:12:42,227 --> 00:12:44,403
Okay, y'all stay where I can see you.
270
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,755
All right, now, Chris,
you sure about this?
271
00:12:46,779 --> 00:12:49,038
Mr. Harris gave me my money back
on the watch,
272
00:12:49,039 --> 00:12:50,308
so I wanted to go shopping
273
00:12:50,355 --> 00:12:52,587
and see if I can find Dad
something that he'll like.
274
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:54,397
Okay. But gift or no gift,
275
00:12:54,439 --> 00:12:56,992
if you're not home by 6:30,
I'm calling the police.
276
00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:59,698
My mother always told us
if we weren't home on time,
277
00:12:59,699 --> 00:13:01,287
she was calling the police.
278
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,487
Here.
279
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:04,553
What's this?
280
00:13:04,554 --> 00:13:07,107
Oh, it's just money I was gonna use
to buy a gift for your dad.
281
00:13:07,108 --> 00:13:07,977
Thanks.
282
00:13:07,978 --> 00:13:09,822
You're welcome, baby. Be careful.
283
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,627
The only thing tougher
than finding a gift
284
00:13:11,628 --> 00:13:13,335
for the man that has everything
285
00:13:13,405 --> 00:13:16,216
is finding one for the man
that wants nothing.
286
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:22,189
The only time my father wore a suit
was at funerals, graduations,
287
00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:23,307
and on laundry day.
288
00:13:24,459 --> 00:13:26,247
The closest my father got to jewelry
289
00:13:26,248 --> 00:13:28,012
was listening to Neil Diamond.
290
00:13:28,858 --> 00:13:31,210
I hope it lasts as long
as the payments.
291
00:13:33,027 --> 00:13:37,217
I wasn't sure if he would feed the
rabbit, or use the rabbit to feed us.
292
00:13:37,218 --> 00:13:39,831
And let's just say
he wasn't the leg warmer type.
293
00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:45,276
While I was trying to figure out
what to get my father,
294
00:13:45,277 --> 00:13:49,277
my mother was trying to figure out
what she had gotten herself into.
295
00:13:51,394 --> 00:13:52,394
What is that?
296
00:13:53,347 --> 00:13:54,347
Well, honey,
297
00:13:54,948 --> 00:13:55,948
that's art.
298
00:13:56,459 --> 00:13:57,459
You sure?
299
00:13:57,561 --> 00:14:00,319
Looks like somebody got shot
and fell in a bucket of mustard.
300
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,320
Be quiet, boy.
301
00:14:02,518 --> 00:14:03,518
This is culture.
302
00:14:04,378 --> 00:14:06,476
How much more culture do we have to get?
303
00:14:06,477 --> 00:14:08,300
Girl, just look at the picture.
304
00:14:15,914 --> 00:14:17,206
I wish Dad was here.
305
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,295
Maybe he could explain this.
306
00:14:24,158 --> 00:14:25,717
- Hey, Risky?
- Hold up, little man.
307
00:14:25,718 --> 00:14:28,116
I had looked for a gift
everywhere I could,
308
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,940
so I decided to look somewhere
I shouldn't look.
309
00:14:30,991 --> 00:14:33,137
So, what kind of stuff
do you have for Father's Day?
310
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:34,138
Father's Day?
311
00:14:34,275 --> 00:14:35,696
That ain't a big one for me.
312
00:14:35,743 --> 00:14:38,297
You know there ain't none
but four fathers in the neighborhood.
313
00:14:38,298 --> 00:14:41,180
Now, Mother's Day--
I had a whole bunch of stuff.
314
00:14:41,899 --> 00:14:43,247
Man, how much you got to spend?
315
00:14:43,248 --> 00:14:44,196
$37.
316
00:14:44,197 --> 00:14:46,785
$37? What you do,
knock over a liquor store?
317
00:14:46,808 --> 00:14:47,808
I saved up.
318
00:14:48,008 --> 00:14:50,008
Man, you keep saving up like that,
319
00:14:50,168 --> 00:14:51,317
you'll be rich in a minute.
320
00:14:51,318 --> 00:14:53,974
Maybe then I can buy one
of those pink sweaters, like him.
321
00:14:53,975 --> 00:14:55,386
Your old man like music?
322
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:56,478
Who's that?
323
00:14:57,881 --> 00:14:59,116
We got John Travolta,
324
00:14:59,188 --> 00:15:00,188
William Shatner.
325
00:15:01,252 --> 00:15:02,321
Liberace.
326
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:05,382
That's for fathers that were
too old for Elton John.
327
00:15:05,383 --> 00:15:06,383
No, thanks.
328
00:15:06,582 --> 00:15:07,640
What else you got?
329
00:15:10,115 --> 00:15:12,076
How about these...
for your mom?
330
00:15:12,602 --> 00:15:15,431
- For Father's Day?
- Yeah. For him to give to her.
331
00:15:16,213 --> 00:15:17,213
No.
332
00:15:19,011 --> 00:15:20,960
I'm sorry I can't help you out,
young blood,
333
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,595
but, hey, you come back
Mother's Day-- I'll hook you up.
334
00:15:23,619 --> 00:15:25,685
Listen, why don't you watch this
for a few minutes?
335
00:15:25,709 --> 00:15:27,605
I'm gonna run across the street,
pay my light bill.
336
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,140
- All right?
- Sure.
337
00:15:29,691 --> 00:15:32,708
Tell your daddy to call me
and happy Father's Day.
338
00:15:32,802 --> 00:15:36,246
Back at home, my father
still had the house to himself...
339
00:15:37,466 --> 00:15:38,466
Rochelle?
340
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,160
Chris?
341
00:15:41,238 --> 00:15:43,130
...whether he liked it or not.
342
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:47,402
And if you order now,
you'll get a set of microwavable...
343
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,564
In the city that never sleeps.
344
00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:52,286
Psychic Station TV Network...
345
00:15:53,034 --> 00:15:55,596
This proud father goose
is no exception.
346
00:15:55,897 --> 00:15:58,854
He graciously watches over
and protects his chicks,
347
00:15:58,855 --> 00:16:02,760
assuring their safety until they are
old enough to fend for themselves.
348
00:16:02,819 --> 00:16:05,720
In the wild,
babies are almost never abandoned,
349
00:16:05,817 --> 00:16:08,635
and rarely left alone
for any extended period of time.
350
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,015
A great man once said,
351
00:16:10,016 --> 00:16:12,698
"Nothing screams louder
than the sound of silence."
352
00:16:12,775 --> 00:16:14,480
I think it was Nipsy Russell.
353
00:16:16,257 --> 00:16:17,910
Thank you.
Enjoy your show.
354
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,869
Hi.
Um, can I have one adult,
355
00:16:21,978 --> 00:16:24,222
two children
for Trading Places, please?
356
00:16:25,953 --> 00:16:27,599
You must think I'm a fool.
357
00:16:28,179 --> 00:16:30,547
You want me to believe
he's under 12?
358
00:16:30,578 --> 00:16:31,578
Yeah, she does.
359
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,480
- Hey!
- Dad!
360
00:16:34,949 --> 00:16:36,299
What are you doing here, baby?
361
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:37,358
I missed you guys.
362
00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:39,900
Father's Day without your family--
363
00:16:40,150 --> 00:16:42,458
it's like not being a father.
364
00:16:43,512 --> 00:16:44,559
That look means,
365
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,501
"That's what I was trying
to tell yo' stupid ass!"
366
00:16:47,598 --> 00:16:48,620
Come here.
367
00:16:50,919 --> 00:16:53,371
- Where's Chris?
- Oh, he went to buy you a gift.
368
00:16:53,410 --> 00:16:54,778
- But I told...
- Julius, please,
369
00:16:54,779 --> 00:16:59,367
just promise me you will act like it's
the best gift you've ever gotten, okay?
370
00:16:59,595 --> 00:17:00,729
I promise.
371
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,788
All right.
All right.
372
00:17:03,558 --> 00:17:07,151
That'll be two kids,
two adults for, uh, Trading Places.
373
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,830
- What's this?
- Father's Day special-- two for one.
374
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,167
Happy Father's Day, Daddy.
375
00:17:21,238 --> 00:17:22,473
I made these for you.
376
00:17:22,539 --> 00:17:24,193
I know you said,
don't get you a gift,
377
00:17:24,194 --> 00:17:27,198
but I wanted to give you something
just in case you changed your mind.
378
00:17:27,199 --> 00:17:29,760
Oh! Macaroni-covered slippers!
379
00:17:30,855 --> 00:17:34,407
It goes with the macaroni-covered
cigar box I got last year.
380
00:17:34,408 --> 00:17:35,408
I know.
381
00:17:37,158 --> 00:17:38,908
Hey, Dad, I got something for you, too.
382
00:17:38,909 --> 00:17:39,909
Oh, what's this?
383
00:17:41,868 --> 00:17:43,201
A bottle of iodine?
384
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,919
No, no, no, it's cologne.
I made it myself.
385
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:47,882
I just couldn't find a bottle
to put it in,
386
00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:50,383
so I poured the iodine out
and put it in there.
387
00:17:50,489 --> 00:17:52,743
Boy, that iodine cost 99...
388
00:17:58,525 --> 00:17:59,946
That smells good.
389
00:18:00,649 --> 00:18:01,953
Thank you, Drew.
390
00:18:02,854 --> 00:18:04,909
Oh, man, thank you so much.
391
00:18:05,037 --> 00:18:07,209
You know I was about
to call the police, right?
392
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:08,557
Hey, Chris, where you been?
393
00:18:08,558 --> 00:18:11,440
I was trying to find you
a gift for Father's Day.
394
00:18:12,363 --> 00:18:15,431
Well, I'm sure
whatever you got, it's-it's fine.
395
00:18:16,027 --> 00:18:17,978
That's the thing--
I looked all over,
396
00:18:17,979 --> 00:18:20,628
but I couldn't find you anything
that I thought you would like.
397
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:23,488
Doesn't matter, Chris.
I mean, it's the thought that counts.
398
00:18:23,489 --> 00:18:25,077
So, did you find something?
399
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:26,585
Not really.
400
00:18:27,388 --> 00:18:29,623
It's more of,
I did something for you.
401
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,000
What?
402
00:18:38,405 --> 00:18:39,405
What is it?
403
00:18:40,712 --> 00:18:41,905
It's a receipt.
404
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,084
He paid the electric bill.
405
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:47,094
Oh, baby, that is so...
406
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,261
When I asked you
if I could get you anything
407
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,723
for Father's Day, you said
I could help you knock out a bill.
408
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:55,110
That was the only one I could afford.
409
00:18:56,505 --> 00:18:57,505
Thanks, son.
410
00:18:58,509 --> 00:19:01,233
My father never really cared much
about presents,
411
00:19:01,268 --> 00:19:05,784
but giving him a reason to smile was
the best thing I could ever do for him.
412
00:19:05,837 --> 00:19:07,876
This is the best gift I ever got.
413
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,434
I'll remember this forever.
414
00:19:10,435 --> 00:19:11,552
Happy Father's Day.
415
00:19:13,004 --> 00:19:14,415
I'm proud of you, Chris.
416
00:19:14,804 --> 00:19:16,503
Becoming more of a man every day.
417
00:19:16,504 --> 00:19:17,504
Thanks, Dad.
418
00:19:17,627 --> 00:19:19,172
You know, I was thinking,
419
00:19:19,214 --> 00:19:23,743
it might be a good idea if you get a job
and start paying a bill every month.
420
00:19:25,587 --> 00:19:27,459
Raceman/Sixe/Birdyben
421
00:19:27,509 --> 00:19:32,059
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