All language subtitles for Everybody Hates Chris s01e16 Everybody Hates The Gout.eng

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In my house,
everyone had a job.

It was my father's job
to pay the bills.

- I'm hungry.
- I'm cold.

I'm hungry and cold.

Eat a piece of cracker.

Your father's coming.

I've got the money.

It was my mother's job
to keep the house and the kids in line.

Boy...

Quit leaving your socks
all over the place.

Boy, mop the floor.

Girl,
clean up the table.

Good job, baby.

As kids we only had one job:

go to school
and get decent grades.

Bye, Mommy.
Love you.

Have a good day.

Don't come home stupid.

We won't.

I could usually
get a good grade

just by talking about
Dr. Martin Luther King.

Free at last, free at last.

Thank God Almighty,
we are free at last.

In English class...

My book report is on
Dr. Martin Luther King.

In history...

My history report is on
the Birmingham Bus Boycott

led by Dr. Martin Luther King.

The only place Martin Luther King
didn't work was in math.

Chris, what's the square root of 144?

1963?

The same year that
Dr. Martin Luther King

led the March on Washington?

No, it's 12.

All right, class.

Pick up your report cards on the way out
and bring them back signed tomorrow.

Oh, no.

What?

I got an F.

Aw, man.
That's rough.

What's your mom gonna say?

I don't know,
but it ain't gonna be "Free at last."

1x16 - Everybody Hates the Gout

Transcript: Raceman
Adapatation: Sixe

Look at my babies!
Drew, you got a B-plus in gym.

Good job!

You can have whatever
you want for dinner.

Really?

Thanks, Mom.

Can I have pork chops and spaghetti?

You sure can.

Yes!

Well, Mom, I got a B in science.

What do I get?

You can have
whatever dessert you want.

Uh, ice cream and cake?

Ice cream and cake it is.

Good job, baby.

Boy, don't you see me cooking?

Sorry.

Where's your report card?

They didn't hand them out yet.

I couldn't bring myself
to tell my mother I got an F.

Next to dealing drugs,

getting bad grades
was the worst thing you could do.

It was worse than this.

Tonya, what happened?

Mama, I had to smoke that fool.

Oh, not him.

I'm talking about this D
you got in algebra.

And worse than this.

Drew!

Where is that boy?

What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm following my dream, Mama.

I'm gonna be a country
and western singer.

I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about this F.

Now, take your Johnny Cashless ass
upstairs and study.

You think I'm playing with you?

And where'd you get that guitar from?

You'd better not be selling
no damn drugs in my house.

I didn't know what to do,

but I couldn't give her
that report card.

- Well, let me know when you get it.
- Yes, ma'am.

Need any help cooking?

Sure. Thank you, baby.

I figured,
if I showed her how useful I could be,

she wouldn't kill me
when she found out.

While I was trying to figure out
what to do about my F,

my father was home sick,

trying to figure out
how he got the gout.

Oh, baby...

when did you get the gout?

I don't know.
It just happened.

I know you're probably wondering,
what is the gout?

Well gout,

or the gout
as some people like to call it,

is a form of arthritis,

which causes severe swelling
usually in the ankle or the big toe.

It's caused by a poor diet,

including things like...

smothered pork chops.

Needs some salt.

Smothered chicken-fried bacon.

Needs some salt.

And smothered chicken-fried bananas.

Not bad.

Needs salt.

Are you out your damn mind?

All right, I'm going to work the phones
over at the real estate office today.

Try not to eat any junk.

I'll be home in time to make dinner.

I can't eat that stuff all day.

You can if you want
to get rid of the gout.

Give me a kiss.

When are you gonna turn in
your report card?

I was thinking, it's so busy
that if I didn't say anything,

Miss Morello will just forget about it.

It didn't take much to graduate
from my old school.

All you needed was
a ride to the graduation.

Who are you?

I was in Ms. Jenkins' class.

Oh. Here.

Thank you.

Chris, where's your report card?

My mom's been really busy.

I promise I'll have it by tomorrow.

Make sure you do.

Because my father was used to
working all the time,

staying home was tough.

But at least he got to watch
one of his favorite things:

Soap operas.

The Yankees were good,

but not better
than The Young and the Restless.

At Corleone,

if you needed something like
a forged report card

or a tardy slip, there was one guy
that could get it for you,

and his name was Fisher.

Hey, Fisher.

Who's this?

Chris.

Tell him I'm not talking to him.
He's not talking to you. Chris.

- He a friend of yours?
- Yeah.

Pat him down.

- He's clean.
- What does he want?

- I need a new...
- Hey, hey.

- Tell him I'm not talking to him.
- He's not talking to you.

He needs a new report card.

He got an F, but he doesn't want
to show it to his mother.

Okay, I got it.
It's a two-part job.

He needs a report card with an A
for his mother to sign,

and a report card with an F
with his mother's signature on it.

- So you'll do it?
- I 'm not talking to him.

He's not talking to you.

So you'll do it?

Okay, let's say I do this for him.

What's he gonna do for me?

What do you want?

How about a book report for English?

Hey, what the hell's
the matter with you?

- Don't you see me talking to you?
- Don't you see him talking to you?

- Can it be on Martin Luther King?
- Deal.

Meet me in the science
lab storage room at 3:00.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Hey, look over there.

Hey, Julius.

Uh... Rochelle's not here.

No, no, no.

Rochelle told me to stop by
and check on you.

And I brought you this.

What, a salad?

Yeah, I gotta get back
to The Young and the Restless.

You watching
The Young and the Restless?

Yeah. Why?

Usually my father
was uncomfortable around Sheila,

but not when
The Young and the Restless was on.

You think Victor and Nicky
are going to stay together?

Sure look so.

It's like they were watching a game.

I think you deserve all
for just being my mistress.

Ooh.

I've never had
a forged report card before,

but Greg told me
Fisher was the best.

One time he made
such a good fake,

they arrested the guy
who made the original.

Hey, Ma, I got my report card.

Oh. Let me see.

I was scared.

Felt like I was giving
a fake diamond to Lil' Kim.

An "A" in math?

Chris, this is so great.

You got an "A" in math?

That's right.
So what?

What's three times three?

- Nine.
- What's four times five?

- Twenty.
- What's eleven times eleven?

Shut up.

Can you sign this?

Does John know
who Victor slept with?

Oh, he does?!

Julius!

Oh, hey, you know,
I gotta go.

All right,
I'll talk to you later.

Oh, man!

- Who was that?
- Oh, that was Monica.

She was the hairdresser's friend.

She just wanted to know what happened
on The Young and the Restless.

Oh, you two were on the phone
an awfully long time.

It was a good show today.

Did you know that your son
got an "A" in math?

My man!

That must be why your teacher
called this afternoon.

Yeah, she wants you to come down

to school on Wednesday
and talk about Chris's grade.

Will Rochelle find out
about Chris' actual grade?

How long will Chris be able
to keep up this lie?

Will Julius ever get rid
of the gout?

Will Tonya ask Chris
more math questions?

Will Drew get any lines?

Find out this and more, when

Everybody Hates Chris returns.

Everybody ha-ates Chris.

Once I got my mother's signature
on my report card,

Fischer had what he needed
to complete my plan.

What?
I'm a natural.

Now beat it.

Since I had the cards in place,

all I had to do
was keep my mother

and Mrs. Morello from seeing each other
and I would be home free.

Chris,
do you have your signed report card?

Sure do.

My mother says she won't be able
to come to the school tomorrow.

My father has the gout.

Did you say "the gout"?

Yes. The gout.

I'm concerned about your grade, Chris.

Well, my mom is, too.

She told me I better get a C
on my next report card.

And then she...

Well, let's just say
it's kind of hard to sit down.

So I guess she's "Young"

and he's "Restless."

Okay, wait, wait.

We're gonna come back
tomorrow for the update.

Wait, wait, wait.

So does Victor's ex-wife know
about him and Nicky?

Ooh, you know what?

Hey, babe.

How you doing?

What's going on here?

Why didn't you tell us Julius likes
The Young and the Restless?

I didn't know.

This is Pam.
You remember Pam.

Good. How are you?
How long y'all been here?

Oh, about three, four hours.

We're just catching up on the soaps.

Oh, and this is my girl Monica.

Monica, that's Rochelle.

Nice to meet you, Monica.

Why do you look so familiar to me?

You tried to sell me food stamps
down by the subway that day.

I thought you said
you weren't selling food stamps.

You were selling food stamps?

I wasn't selling no food stamps.

Julius, go get the phone.

You hear the phone ringing.

It rang, like, three times already.

Thank you, baby.

Girl, that gout
is making him lose his mind.

Does gout mess with your hearing?

Hello?

Hey, Mrs. Morello.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold on.

Honey, it's for you.

Where'd they go?

They left, gout boy.

What? An F?

What happened?

The teacher just told me
that Chris got an F.

But he said he got an A.

I can't believe that boy looked me
dead in the eye and lied to me.

How you gonna handle this?

Translation:
do you want to kill him, or should I?

Hmm... oh,
I know what to do.

Pancakes?

Hey, Mom,
we're having pancakes?

No, Chris is having pancakes.

That's my baby's reward
for getting an A.

Can I have some pancakes?

Do you get an A?

- I got a B.
- That's not an A.

Can I have some pancakes?
I think my foot's getting better.

I might be able to make it
to work tomorrow.

Pancakes are for people
who get A's,

not for people who get the gout.

Baby, you want anything else?

My A student deserves
nothing but the best.

No. No.

Oh, by the way, my teacher says
she won't be able to see you today.

That's okay, baby.
I'll talk to her next time.

You want some butter?

My foot's looking better,
don't you think?

Why are you talking about your foot?

Your son has no conscience.

In there eating pancakes like
he actually got an A.

If you didn't want him
to have the pancakes,

what'd you give them to him for?

For him to feel guilty and confess.

But that's okay.

Tomorrow I got something for him.

Baby, let's talk about this.
Come on.

Oh, so now you want to talk to me?

Why don't you just talk to your friends,
since you talk to them all the time?

Rochelle,
those are your friends.

We were just talking about the soaps.

Are you jealous?

Hell, yeah. Damn skippy.

How would you feel if you came home

and I was sitting there talking to
a bunch of your friends about football?

- You like football?
- No, I don't like football.

Julius, you always want to talk to me
about bills or the kids.

I just think it would be nice to talk
about something else for a change.

You want to talk about the gout?

No!
I don't want to talk about the gout!

So it worked?

Yep. I told my mother
that Miss Morello was busy,

and I told Miss Morello
that my mother was busy.

That was that,
and I'm just glad it's over.

They say when you're about to die your
life flashes right before your eyes.

Well, here's what mine looked like.

Dude, you're definitely not in there.

Bye, Chris.

Don't tell any lies
when you get to heaven.

Hey, Chris,
can I have your comic books?

That's a $2 pair of underwear
you're messing up.

Rest in peace Tobby...

C hris.

- Hi, Mom.
- Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just here to watch my brilliant,
mathematician son in action.

Miss Morello said it would be okay.

If I could just be cool,
maybe everything will be all right.

Today we're doing fractions.

What does three twelfths
plus three fourths equal?

Ooh! Ooh!
Me! Pick me.

Rochelle.

Chris has an answer.

He got an A.

That's right.

He did get an A.

If I could drive, I'd do this.

I don't know the answer.

No?

Well, how is that possible?

You're the math wiz.

The human calculator.

You got an A.

I actually got an F.

This must be how Marion Barry felt
when that tape got out.

Miss Morello,

thank you for your time.

Come on, Chris.

See you later, Stymie.

Ma, I can explain.

Okay.

Go ahead.

- For real?
- Yeah. Explain this.

Okay.

I was afraid you'd get mad at me
for getting an F.

I thought I could do better
next semester,

so I changed my grade,

forged your signature onto the report
card and gave it to Miss Morello.

I thought you wouldn't find out.

"I thought you wouldn't find out."

Boy, what do I look like,
Boo-Boo the Fool?

You're running around here lying,
forging my signature.

Have you lost your mind?

Look, Chris,

if you lie you steal,
if you steal, you kill,

and I am not
getting your behind out of jail.

Chris...

if you would have put this much effort

into passing the class
in the first place,

you wouldn't be in this mess.

I am very upset
that you failed that class,

but I'm more upset
that you lied to me.

You are not stupid, Chris.

Don't act like it.

Remember, I bought you in this world,
I'll take you right out.

You understand me?

Yes, ma'am.

All right.

Now bring your behind home.

My mother had a funny way
of making me feel like

the smartest idiot in the world.

Wait, that's it?

No, you better bring that grade up,

or I'm gonna slap
the wax out your ears.

After I got caught,

my parents finally had
something to talk about.

What happened with Chris today?

Oh, I got it all handled.

How's your foot?

It's all right.

Got a surprise for you.

I watched your soap today.

Yeah?

Yeah, but
if you don't feel like talking...

No, no, no, no.

We can talk about it.

Oh.

Did you know that
Nicky was a stripper?

A stripper?

Mm-hmm.

Does Victor know?

He does now.

Things always worked out
best in my house

when everybody did their job.

And after being more embarrassed
than I'd ever been in my life,

all I had to do was one more thing.

Mom, I got my report card.

A D!

My baby got a D.

And you're happy about that?

I'm just happy I don't have
to smack the chap off your lips.

Raceman/Birdyben/Sixe
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