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1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,580
Go, go, go, go...
2
00:00:06,016 --> 00:00:08,818
Who's laughing now, daddy?
3
00:00:13,190 --> 00:00:17,160
Ooh.
4
00:00:17,161 --> 00:00:19,929
- Oh, yeah, greaseballing, son!
- Randy.
5
00:00:19,930 --> 00:00:21,231
Ooh, ooh.
6
00:00:21,232 --> 00:00:24,033
You slicked up Chubowski
and bowled with him?
7
00:00:24,034 --> 00:00:25,541
Why didn't you come get me?
8
00:00:25,542 --> 00:00:26,436
And stop it.
9
00:00:26,437 --> 00:00:28,571
Uh, permission to
succumb to my wounds.
10
00:00:30,241 --> 00:00:32,041
Hey, brother, we're just
making a safety video
11
00:00:32,042 --> 00:00:34,277
- about the dangers of grease.
- No chance that's true.
12
00:00:34,278 --> 00:00:36,938
No chance that's true at all. We're
making stupid videos for the Internet.
13
00:00:36,939 --> 00:00:38,421
- But before you get mad...
- Too late.
14
00:00:38,422 --> 00:00:40,083
Our audience is going to love it.
15
00:00:40,084 --> 00:00:42,352
Is your audience a guy that can
make you do push-ups all days?
16
00:00:42,353 --> 00:00:43,653
- It's more like 12-year-old.
- Mmhmm?
17
00:00:43,654 --> 00:00:46,055
Randy, this is not just
a kids' video, okay?
18
00:00:46,056 --> 00:00:47,457
This is free-form art.
19
00:00:47,458 --> 00:00:50,326
Now, Pete, please look
into the camera and say,
20
00:00:50,327 --> 00:00:52,428
"now, that's what I call
a slippery situation."
21
00:00:52,429 --> 00:00:54,030
No. All right?
22
00:00:54,031 --> 00:00:56,466
I don't care how much fun it is.
It's over.
23
00:00:57,902 --> 00:01:00,904
Yeah!
24
00:01:02,973 --> 00:01:05,775
All right, now it's over.
That's it.
25
00:01:07,778 --> 00:01:10,046
Oh. He's fine. He's fine.
26
00:01:10,047 --> 00:01:11,247
- He's still breathing.
- Medic!
27
00:01:11,248 --> 00:01:14,984
The army is filled with
troops on heroic missions,
28
00:01:14,985 --> 00:01:16,486
and then there's us.
29
00:01:16,487 --> 00:01:18,588
We take care of things at home.
30
00:01:18,589 --> 00:01:20,924
We are the Rear Detachment.
31
00:01:20,925 --> 00:01:23,259
Yes, we're soldiers.
32
00:01:23,260 --> 00:01:29,316
Sync and corrections by brayanatsix
www.addic7ed.com
33
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
34
00:01:39,679 --> 00:01:43,107
Enlisted - S01E05
Rear D Day
35
00:01:44,548 --> 00:01:46,282
Good morning, everyone.
36
00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:48,451
Chubowski is still injured
and covered in toxic grease,
37
00:01:48,452 --> 00:01:49,986
but the rest of us
have work to do.
38
00:01:49,987 --> 00:01:53,490
We are gonna resupply the snack
machine in the mess hall.
39
00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:55,441
That is gonna rock, huh?
40
00:01:55,442 --> 00:01:56,126
Who's with me?
41
00:01:56,127 --> 00:01:57,861
You heard Sergeant Hill.
Get up for snacks.
42
00:01:57,862 --> 00:02:00,864
Tasty snack, icy cold lemonade...
I feel weird.
43
00:02:00,865 --> 00:02:03,066
What's with the
positive attitude, Rachel Ray?
44
00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:05,068
You hate Rear D. Oh...
45
00:02:05,069 --> 00:02:06,903
You're on one of your
realizations again, aren't you?
46
00:02:06,904 --> 00:02:08,638
Pete wakes up with these
realizations, like...
47
00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:12,242
Kale's a super food. And, uh,
social media's tearing us apart.
48
00:02:12,243 --> 00:02:13,877
People used to have
conversations.
49
00:02:13,878 --> 00:02:17,026
Whatever your latest realization is, just
don't expect us to buy into it, okay?
50
00:02:17,027 --> 00:02:18,148
I buy into it, Pete.
What is it?
51
00:02:18,149 --> 00:02:19,616
- When I was deployed...
- Here we go.
52
00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:21,084
The only way to get
through a bad mission
53
00:02:21,085 --> 00:02:22,852
was to embrace the suck.
54
00:02:22,853 --> 00:02:24,650
Now, I realize that
Rear D is no different.
55
00:02:24,651 --> 00:02:26,293
- I'm glad I bought into that.
- You're damn right you are.
56
00:02:26,294 --> 00:02:28,491
And Kale is a super food.
It's showing up on every menu.
57
00:02:28,492 --> 00:02:30,160
You can't even get a real
Caesar salad anymore.
58
00:02:30,161 --> 00:02:31,594
You got to embrace the suck.
59
00:02:31,595 --> 00:02:33,663
You know how many fences
in Afghanistan that I built,
60
00:02:33,664 --> 00:02:34,831
then blew up and then rebuilt?
61
00:02:34,832 --> 00:02:37,767
How many? 10, 20, 40, 100, 200...
Should I go by hundreds?
62
00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:40,003
- You can't embrace this job, all right?
- 300, 400... 1,000.
63
00:02:40,004 --> 00:02:41,671
There's no "whistle
while you work" here,
64
00:02:41,672 --> 00:02:44,007
unless you count the sound that
dobkiss makes when he's tired.
65
00:02:44,008 --> 00:02:46,409
A donkey kicked me in my
esophagus when I was six.
66
00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:48,144
- Huh.
- I so embrace our job.
67
00:02:48,145 --> 00:02:50,914
We maintain the base,
we take care of its families.
68
00:02:50,915 --> 00:02:54,617
Our job is like a majestic
bald eagle you just want to hug.
69
00:02:54,618 --> 00:02:56,386
And eagle clawed my eyeballs
when I was ten.
70
00:02:56,387 --> 00:02:58,588
How are you still alive?
Part of me died a long time ago.
71
00:02:58,589 --> 00:03:00,590
- At ease.
- Carry on.
72
00:03:00,591 --> 00:03:03,259
Do you like tablet computers?
73
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:04,294
- I do.
- Yeah. Yeah, sure.
74
00:03:04,295 --> 00:03:06,663
Me, too.
In bed or on the go.
75
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,464
I get to watch dumb crap.
76
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,701
Yeah!
77
00:03:13,537 --> 00:03:15,972
Now, that's what I call
a slippery situation. Whoa!
78
00:03:15,973 --> 00:03:18,575
Dude. I really
nailed that framing.
79
00:03:18,576 --> 00:03:19,943
Pete, your voice sounds weird.
80
00:03:19,944 --> 00:03:22,745
There will be no more making of videos
on this post.
81
00:03:22,746 --> 00:03:24,113
As for your
corrective training...
82
00:03:24,114 --> 00:03:26,216
There's a deployed
soldier's husband
83
00:03:26,217 --> 00:03:28,151
who needs a little work
around the house.
84
00:03:28,152 --> 00:03:30,320
We take care of our own here.
85
00:03:30,321 --> 00:03:32,088
I don't know if you've heard,
but I'm going to be
86
00:03:32,089 --> 00:03:33,256
an awesome Rear D
soldier now.
87
00:03:33,257 --> 00:03:34,791
Well, that's super duper.
88
00:03:34,792 --> 00:03:36,626
Feel like you're being sarcastic.
89
00:03:36,627 --> 00:03:38,328
- Sergeant Major?
- One moment, Sergeant Perez.
90
00:03:38,329 --> 00:03:41,064
Sergeant Hill has actually
decided to try at his job.
91
00:03:41,065 --> 00:03:42,298
So we're celebrating.
92
00:03:42,299 --> 00:03:44,334
Hooray.
93
00:03:44,335 --> 00:03:46,970
- Why do you have those in your desk?
- I'm a festive man.
94
00:03:46,971 --> 00:03:48,705
I was wondering if you'd
considered my application
95
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,106
for the advanced
leader course.
96
00:03:50,107 --> 00:03:52,242
I'm headed to town
for coffee in an hour.
97
00:03:52,243 --> 00:03:53,309
Join me. We'll talk.
98
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:54,744
I would love that.
Thank you.
99
00:03:54,745 --> 00:03:56,746
Hey. I like coffee.
100
00:03:56,747 --> 00:03:58,248
If it looks like I'm
playing favorites,
101
00:03:58,249 --> 00:04:00,183
well, it's because
she is my favorite.
102
00:04:00,184 --> 00:04:02,085
It's nothing personal.
It's just that she's a person
103
00:04:02,086 --> 00:04:03,786
who I like more than I like you.
104
00:04:05,122 --> 00:04:06,923
When Sergeant Major
approves me for ALC,
105
00:04:06,924 --> 00:04:08,424
I'll be in line
for a promotion
106
00:04:08,425 --> 00:04:10,125
and I will finally
get some respect.
107
00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:11,343
Oh, you crave that, too?
108
00:04:11,344 --> 00:04:13,329
'Cause I just had a popper
go off in my face.
109
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:14,764
And that
was a great moment.
110
00:04:14,765 --> 00:04:16,266
But it's
different for me.
111
00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:17,734
When people see
you, they say,
112
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:19,035
"there goes a
brave soldier."
113
00:04:19,036 --> 00:04:21,581
People see me, they say,
"look, a lady one."
114
00:04:21,582 --> 00:04:23,439
Oh, come on, you're way more
than just a lady one.
115
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:24,574
Here it comes.
116
00:04:24,575 --> 00:04:26,476
Yeah, you're also
a rules freak, a suck-up.
117
00:04:26,477 --> 00:04:27,510
You smell like
pancakes sometimes.
118
00:04:27,511 --> 00:04:28,611
Now, that's not
a bad thing.
119
00:04:28,612 --> 00:04:30,146
It's just worth
commenting on.
120
00:04:30,147 --> 00:04:32,348
Yes, I am good at my job
and I smell like America.
121
00:04:32,349 --> 00:04:33,750
You know, I feel
sorry for whatever
122
00:04:33,751 --> 00:04:36,119
army wife you're about to
release this charisma on.
123
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,388
Mm. Joke's on you,
'cause it is a dude.
124
00:04:38,389 --> 00:04:40,957
Name's Rodney Spratz.
125
00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:43,993
Rodney.
126
00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:45,028
Why are you laughing?
127
00:04:45,029 --> 00:04:47,897
- What up, Brosephs?
- Oh, boy.
128
00:04:47,898 --> 00:04:49,299
Come on in, guys.
I'll show you around.
129
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:51,501
Well, this over here, now,
this is my man cave. Right?
130
00:04:51,502 --> 00:04:52,902
- Yeah.
- Hey, look, I got
131
00:04:52,903 --> 00:04:53,903
two scarf ace posters over there.
132
00:04:53,904 --> 00:04:55,905
Now, one of 'em's real...
133
00:04:55,906 --> 00:04:57,207
One has my face.
134
00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:59,008
That is awesome.
Which is which?
135
00:04:59,009 --> 00:05:00,547
Hey, that's my boy, Tim.
136
00:05:00,548 --> 00:05:01,044
Hey, Timbo.
137
00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:01,726
Hi, Tim.
138
00:05:01,727 --> 00:05:03,513
Say hello to your
dad's new friends, Timbo.
139
00:05:03,514 --> 00:05:04,759
We're out of eggs, Rodney.
140
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,749
Well, I... I'll get right on that.
141
00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:08,484
'Cause I am your dad.
142
00:05:08,485 --> 00:05:09,752
So call me dad.
143
00:05:09,753 --> 00:05:11,888
Okay.
He's great, yeah.
144
00:05:11,889 --> 00:05:13,022
So, Rodney...
Yeah?
145
00:05:13,023 --> 00:05:14,190
What do you need?
146
00:05:14,191 --> 00:05:15,658
I just converted
my laundry room
147
00:05:15,659 --> 00:05:17,627
into a closet to
age my home brew.
148
00:05:17,628 --> 00:05:20,330
So I need a new place
to put the washer and dryer.
149
00:05:20,331 --> 00:05:23,399
So let's float
this puppy upstairs!
150
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,935
If anybody needs me,
I'll be making nachos.
151
00:05:25,936 --> 00:05:28,905
So... Rodney sucks.
Come on, guys,
152
00:05:28,906 --> 00:05:30,273
we can do this.
153
00:05:30,274 --> 00:05:31,708
Oh, yeah? What are
you thinking here,
154
00:05:31,709 --> 00:05:33,843
teleportation, or just some
good old-fashioned wizardry?
155
00:05:33,844 --> 00:05:35,078
None of those
are real, Derrick.
156
00:05:35,079 --> 00:05:36,446
Look, I appreciate
that you're committed
157
00:05:36,447 --> 00:05:38,114
to this whole
"Rear D's awesome" realization,
158
00:05:38,115 --> 00:05:40,617
but I give you about ten minutes
before you turn into T-man.
159
00:05:42,253 --> 00:05:44,387
I am not gonna turn
into temper man.
160
00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,389
Why'd you bring up
T-man, Derrick?
161
00:05:46,390 --> 00:05:47,557
Nobody said T-man, Pete.
162
00:05:47,558 --> 00:05:49,092
I just said it,
but don't listen.
163
00:05:49,093 --> 00:05:50,793
Okay, I haven't turned
in to T-man in, like...
164
00:05:50,794 --> 00:05:52,095
Two weeks?
When you punched that colonel
165
00:05:52,096 --> 00:05:53,229
and got kicked out
of Afghanistan?
166
00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:54,755
On international soil.
It doesn't count.
167
00:05:54,756 --> 00:05:56,099
It's international soil.
It doesn't count.
168
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:58,034
How about when
you lost state and threw
169
00:05:58,035 --> 00:05:59,536
that second-place trophy
through a plate-glass window?
170
00:05:59,537 --> 00:06:01,104
I was just trying to put
the trophy in the case,
171
00:06:01,105 --> 00:06:02,372
- and it slipped.
- It was slippery.
172
00:06:02,373 --> 00:06:04,040
What about the time you beat up
the cotton candy machine
173
00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:05,208
'cause you were too short
to ride
174
00:06:05,209 --> 00:06:06,409
the log flume
at that amusement Park?
175
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:08,878
You know I was taller
than that bear's paw!
176
00:06:08,879 --> 00:06:09,946
Oh, T-man?
177
00:06:09,947 --> 00:06:11,814
Ah... Hey, are you in there?
178
00:06:11,815 --> 00:06:13,416
I'm not turning into T-man.
You know why?
179
00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:15,418
'Cause I got
a new attitude, pal.
180
00:06:15,419 --> 00:06:16,986
I am a Rear D man now,
181
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:20,557
and a Rear D man
embraces his suck.
182
00:06:20,558 --> 00:06:23,826
All right, now that we've chased
these unpleasant memories
183
00:06:23,827 --> 00:06:25,762
to the darkness
where they belong,
184
00:06:25,763 --> 00:06:26,940
let's get our suck on!
185
00:06:28,332 --> 00:06:31,301
Let's embrace getting our
suck on! I feel weird. Let's go.
186
00:06:31,302 --> 00:06:33,770
So, the advanced
leader course would
187
00:06:33,771 --> 00:06:35,171
really speed along
my promotion.
188
00:06:35,172 --> 00:06:37,440
Very good.
189
00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:40,143
Sergeant Major?
190
00:06:40,144 --> 00:06:43,613
You know, kids are
a son of a bitch.
191
00:06:43,614 --> 00:06:45,281
Come again now?
192
00:06:45,282 --> 00:06:46,649
I gotta tell you,
193
00:06:46,650 --> 00:06:49,152
I am having a lot of trouble
with my teenage daughter.
194
00:06:49,153 --> 00:06:50,420
She's going through
"the change."
195
00:06:50,421 --> 00:06:53,189
I don't think that means
what you think it means.
196
00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:54,724
She used to be so sweet.
197
00:06:54,725 --> 00:06:56,793
Now she's a moody
little mini-woman.
198
00:06:56,794 --> 00:06:59,062
Uh, have you tried
talking to her?
199
00:06:59,063 --> 00:07:00,263
I try,
200
00:07:00,264 --> 00:07:02,298
but she's all,
"don't go there."
201
00:07:02,299 --> 00:07:03,466
I'm, like, "go where?"
202
00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:04,500
I don't know where I'm going.
203
00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:07,470
I'm sorry about that,
Sergeant Major.
204
00:07:07,471 --> 00:07:11,174
So... about that
leadership course...
205
00:07:11,175 --> 00:07:14,210
Um, you want to go
someplace else? You hungry?
206
00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:19,315
Push, push, push!
207
00:07:19,316 --> 00:07:21,684
Derrick, are you
pushing down?
208
00:07:21,685 --> 00:07:23,119
Oh, no, I'm not doing
anything at all.
209
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,188
Hang on there.
210
00:07:25,189 --> 00:07:27,323
Oh, these are still wet.
211
00:07:27,324 --> 00:07:29,192
Carry on.
212
00:07:29,193 --> 00:07:32,161
There's a damn carpet
in here!
213
00:07:33,197 --> 00:07:35,365
There we go.
There we go.
214
00:07:39,503 --> 00:07:41,471
Unbelievable pain.
215
00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:46,142
Oh, yeah!
216
00:07:46,143 --> 00:07:48,044
Hey, uh, has anyone
seen T-man?
217
00:07:48,045 --> 00:07:49,512
No, I haven't
seen him at all.
218
00:07:49,513 --> 00:07:52,015
Because he is dead
and gone.
219
00:07:52,016 --> 00:07:53,650
Oh, no!
220
00:07:53,651 --> 00:07:55,018
I'm not going to the funeral,
221
00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:56,653
but I'll send white flowers
and an oversized card.
222
00:07:56,654 --> 00:07:58,888
I mean, I will make a donation
to his favorite charity.
223
00:07:58,889 --> 00:08:00,757
Hey, we did it!
224
00:08:00,758 --> 00:08:02,492
You know what
I always tell my men...
225
00:08:02,493 --> 00:08:03,726
"Embrace the task."
226
00:08:03,727 --> 00:08:06,196
So, remember, if there's
ever anything you need,
227
00:08:06,197 --> 00:08:08,665
we're here for you.
Anything.
228
00:08:08,666 --> 00:08:10,867
Welcome to my backyard!
229
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,735
I've always wanted
230
00:08:12,736 --> 00:08:15,271
to turn this into a sports court
for me and Timbo.
231
00:08:15,272 --> 00:08:17,974
I'm talking about batting cage
and a mini ab station.
232
00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,776
Hey, you know what?
I'll get my sketches.
233
00:08:19,777 --> 00:08:22,145
Oh, not gonna go that way.
There's thorns over there.
234
00:08:22,146 --> 00:08:24,013
Oh, and there's a snake
that lives down there.
235
00:08:24,014 --> 00:08:25,448
I think she just had babies.
236
00:08:25,449 --> 00:08:26,783
Real protective
right now.
237
00:08:26,784 --> 00:08:27,917
Just be careful. Okay.
238
00:08:27,918 --> 00:08:29,631
I just want to say
for the record
239
00:08:29,632 --> 00:08:30,612
that none of this
would have happened
240
00:08:30,613 --> 00:08:33,067
if not for Pete's new attitude.
So, well done.
241
00:08:33,457 --> 00:08:34,891
Yeah, well done, Pete.
242
00:08:34,892 --> 00:08:36,059
I was being sarcastic.
243
00:08:37,525 --> 00:08:39,560
Maybe we can just
get a flamethrower
244
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,928
and torch Rodney's yard.
245
00:08:40,929 --> 00:08:42,262
Are we seriously getting
a flamethrower?
246
00:08:42,263 --> 00:08:44,098
Are we really building
this guy a sports court?
247
00:08:44,099 --> 00:08:46,767
Derrick, do not get us off topic.
So, about this flamethrower?
248
00:08:46,768 --> 00:08:48,168
Part of embracing the suck
249
00:08:48,169 --> 00:08:50,070
is to not give up
when things get suckier.
250
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,506
So if I'm to understand,
this flamethrower is still in play.
251
00:08:52,507 --> 00:08:54,742
Randy,
there is no flamethrower.
252
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,510
This has been
one big roller coaster ride.
253
00:08:56,511 --> 00:08:57,511
- Okay.
- Come on. It's just us.
254
00:08:57,512 --> 00:09:00,047
- Admit that you hate this.
- We're Rear D soldiers.
255
00:09:00,048 --> 00:09:01,181
We're gonna do
what we got to do,
256
00:09:01,182 --> 00:09:02,249
and we're gonna do it
with a smile.
257
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,584
- You are so full of...
- Wisdom?
258
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:04,918
Confidence?
A passion for excellence?
259
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,120
Crap, Randy.
260
00:09:06,121 --> 00:09:09,123
You can't keep this up. I bet we'll
see T-man before the day is done.
261
00:09:09,124 --> 00:09:12,318
I will take that
bet, and I will take it with a smile.
262
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,741
I will watch you lose
that bet with a smile.
263
00:09:14,742 --> 00:09:16,130
Pete's gonna win,
we're all gonna smile,
264
00:09:16,131 --> 00:09:17,464
Rodney's gonna get
a sports court...
265
00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:19,366
It's gonna be a really
great day all around.
266
00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:21,802
Ready? Break!
267
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,271
You just got exploded.
268
00:09:25,249 --> 00:09:27,041
Boom.
269
00:09:27,798 --> 00:09:30,110
Teenage girls act crazy because
of their hormones, right?
270
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,645
That's probably fair to say.
271
00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:34,314
Can I stop them?
Can you stop... hormones?
272
00:09:34,315 --> 00:09:36,283
Does spicy food have any effect?
273
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,114
What about the moon?
274
00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:38,786
Friend or foe?
275
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,287
Sergeant Major,
276
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,955
did you get into the Internet?
277
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,424
Ever since my wife and I split,
278
00:09:43,425 --> 00:09:45,726
I don't have a woman
to turn to for help.
279
00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:47,094
Sergeant Major,
while I'm happy...
280
00:09:47,095 --> 00:09:48,429
What I'm really worried about
281
00:09:48,430 --> 00:09:50,406
is this guy
my daughter's dating.
282
00:09:50,932 --> 00:09:52,099
Just look at him!
283
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,567
Look at who?
284
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,603
Have we been spying
on your daughter's date?
285
00:09:56,604 --> 00:09:58,005
I've been spying.
286
00:09:58,006 --> 00:09:59,873
You've been picking
at some jambalaya.
287
00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,775
Let's go.
They're on the move.
288
00:10:01,776 --> 00:10:05,028
- What do you want me to do?
- Blend in. Duh.
289
00:10:06,381 --> 00:10:09,550
The trees, bushes, plants...
They all got to be cleared out.
290
00:10:09,551 --> 00:10:13,020
Oh, FYI, the fire ants have
kind of taken over back here.
291
00:10:13,021 --> 00:10:15,022
No biggie smalls.
Just wear gloves.
292
00:10:15,023 --> 00:10:17,358
Oh, but check the gloves
because fire ants love
293
00:10:17,359 --> 00:10:20,327
- hanging out in gloves.
- There's the silver lining.
294
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,262
It's pretty cool your dad's
new buds are helping out, right?
295
00:10:22,263 --> 00:10:24,198
They're not your buds.
296
00:10:24,199 --> 00:10:25,632
Oh, snap.
297
00:10:25,633 --> 00:10:28,335
Classic burn about us not being
your dad's buds, Tim!
298
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,970
Which we are!
299
00:10:29,971 --> 00:10:31,772
I wanted to make it
less awkward.
300
00:10:31,773 --> 00:10:33,674
Did you say less or
three times more? Less.
301
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:35,609
See, that's why
I need the sports court.
302
00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,211
I got to get Timbo out
of his room
303
00:10:37,212 --> 00:10:39,270
and doing some real
guy stuff, you know?
304
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:41,482
Trying to raise that kid alone
while his mom is deployed
305
00:10:41,483 --> 00:10:42,816
has not been easy.
306
00:10:42,817 --> 00:10:45,552
We get it. Our mom raised us
while our dad was deployed.
307
00:10:45,553 --> 00:10:47,488
Well, she had some help.
I stepped in a lot
308
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:48,689
to raise these knuckleheads.
309
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,957
- Knuckleheads.
- And here we are,
310
00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:51,959
cutting down trees,
a job they make prisoners do.
311
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,494
So you did a spectacular job.
312
00:10:53,495 --> 00:10:55,763
Well, Rodney,
this is one Rear D soldier
313
00:10:55,764 --> 00:10:57,831
who's ready to embrace
this task.
314
00:10:57,832 --> 00:10:59,500
- Who's with me?
- Hooah!
315
00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:01,035
- I got one!
- Dude, with me on three.
316
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:02,202
- Okay.
- One, two, three.
317
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,404
- Hooah! Hooah!
- How do you say it?
318
00:11:03,405 --> 00:11:04,838
- Hooah!
- Yeah, it's guttural, you know?
319
00:11:04,839 --> 00:11:06,573
- Hooah! - Let's get started.
- We're gonna get this.
320
00:11:06,574 --> 00:11:08,142
Feels good. It gets you
pumped up for anything.
321
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,915
Found a bathtub!
322
00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:16,850
Hey, you guys can make
a planter out of that.
323
00:11:16,851 --> 00:11:19,320
Just trying to focus
on the sports court, buddy.
324
00:11:19,321 --> 00:11:20,321
Hey, Peter.
325
00:11:20,322 --> 00:11:21,589
You look a little
frustrated.
326
00:11:21,590 --> 00:11:22,823
Why don't you take a break,
327
00:11:22,824 --> 00:11:24,224
have a little tea... man?
328
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,160
Look, I'm actually
329
00:11:26,161 --> 00:11:28,162
having a great time, because
I know that you're miserable.
330
00:11:28,163 --> 00:11:30,197
Which is fine, because we're all
miserable, too. Right, guys?
331
00:11:30,198 --> 00:11:31,899
I have ten fire ant bites!
332
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,767
I don't do well in the sun.
333
00:11:33,768 --> 00:11:35,703
I am badly burned.
334
00:11:35,704 --> 00:11:38,205
It's like my boob sweat
is cousins with my back sweat
335
00:11:38,206 --> 00:11:40,274
and they're having a
Thanksgiving dinner downstairs.
336
00:11:40,275 --> 00:11:41,775
Yeah, that's...
That's disgusting.
337
00:11:41,776 --> 00:11:43,143
We're all right here with you.
338
00:11:43,144 --> 00:11:44,311
So come on, man.
339
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:45,713
Let T-man out of his cage.
340
00:11:45,714 --> 00:11:47,281
It's gonna feel so good!
341
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:49,183
T-man. T-man...
342
00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:51,085
T-man, T-man,
343
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,053
T-man, T-man...
344
00:11:53,054 --> 00:11:54,722
Come on, boo-boo, let T-man out.
345
00:11:54,723 --> 00:11:55,889
Let him out!
346
00:11:55,890 --> 00:11:57,024
It's not gonna work, guys.
347
00:11:57,025 --> 00:11:58,158
All right?
348
00:11:58,159 --> 00:11:59,393
T-man doesn't live here anymore.
349
00:11:59,394 --> 00:12:01,629
Tell 'em, Randy.
350
00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:03,364
Aw.
351
00:12:03,365 --> 00:12:04,698
Where's my hype man?
352
00:12:07,669 --> 00:12:08,969
Psst, little boy.
353
00:12:08,970 --> 00:12:10,104
I'm right behind you. Ah!
354
00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,205
It's okay.
355
00:12:11,206 --> 00:12:13,040
I have been watching
you for a long time.
356
00:12:13,041 --> 00:12:14,375
Let me start that over.
357
00:12:14,376 --> 00:12:15,442
What are you watching?
358
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,777
Funny videos?
359
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,879
Oh, those are funny.
360
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,781
Type in "awesome
soldier lipsync."
361
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,618
♪ Ay, me gusta ♪
362
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,453
♪ Dat Booty... ♪
363
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,222
Yeah, that's me.
What's up?
364
00:12:29,891 --> 00:12:32,126
Hey, since
I'm right here,
365
00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:34,562
did you ever think about maybe
cutting your dad some slack?
366
00:12:34,563 --> 00:12:37,131
- Why? My dad's lame.
- That's a great point.
367
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:38,132
But look,
368
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:39,600
when my dad
was deployed,
369
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:41,368
my mom had a real
tough time,
370
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:42,870
so I understand...
371
00:12:42,871 --> 00:12:44,572
All right, that's cool.
372
00:12:44,573 --> 00:12:46,941
It's probably
breezy. Um...
373
00:12:46,942 --> 00:12:48,976
I'll come around
if you want to talk.
374
00:12:50,445 --> 00:12:52,279
Now I get what
you're doing.
375
00:12:52,598 --> 00:12:54,374
She went and then
start screaming at us.
376
00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:55,307
Sometimes she can...
377
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,919
I can't believe I'm doing this.
378
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,357
The boy has a chain wallet,
379
00:12:58,358 --> 00:13:00,261
he's probably full
of condoms and reefer.
380
00:13:00,732 --> 00:13:02,471
I thought that was really funny.
381
00:13:04,039 --> 00:13:06,360
She said she wants
a tatoo of a daisy.
382
00:13:06,361 --> 00:13:08,042
Is that a code
for anything?
383
00:13:08,757 --> 00:13:09,869
Mine isn't.
384
00:13:12,755 --> 00:13:15,456
Who takes a girl to see
a giant robot movie?
385
00:13:15,457 --> 00:13:16,991
Can we please talk
about my career?
386
00:13:16,992 --> 00:13:21,028
- First, let's talk about pads.
- Let's never talk about pads!
387
00:13:21,029 --> 00:13:23,330
What are you...
388
00:13:23,331 --> 00:13:25,366
Hey, guys. Hi.
389
00:13:28,403 --> 00:13:31,172
Were you serious
about not talking about pads?
390
00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:43,150
He literally dug his own grave.
391
00:13:50,392 --> 00:13:52,326
Finished, huh?
392
00:13:52,327 --> 00:13:55,396
I dedicate this court to
T-man, God rest his soul.
393
00:13:55,397 --> 00:13:58,365
Dobkiss,
you still in that hole?
394
00:14:00,268 --> 00:14:01,702
Thanks, bros!
395
00:14:01,703 --> 00:14:04,004
Looks great! I don't see
my ab station anywhere,
396
00:14:04,005 --> 00:14:07,074
but, eh, you know what,
I like my curves.
397
00:14:07,075 --> 00:14:09,276
- If you're happy, we're happy, Rodney.
- Yeah.
398
00:14:09,277 --> 00:14:11,704
Hey, it's a good thing you only
had to do some yard stuff, right?
399
00:14:11,705 --> 00:14:14,791
It's not like you had to do any real
soldier work, am I right?
400
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:18,219
Welcome to the rodeo.
401
00:14:18,220 --> 00:14:20,354
So, um...
402
00:14:20,355 --> 00:14:23,224
- We're not real soldiers?
- It's not like you're deployed.
403
00:14:29,097 --> 00:14:32,900
I mean, it's hard to tell
what's real sometimes, right?
404
00:14:32,901 --> 00:14:35,069
I mean, what is real?
405
00:14:35,070 --> 00:14:37,738
- Am I real?
- Who knows?
406
00:14:37,739 --> 00:14:40,053
- Is she real?
- I'm really real.
407
00:14:40,054 --> 00:14:41,442
What about this bench?
408
00:14:41,443 --> 00:14:43,210
Is this bench real?
Let's find out.
409
00:14:43,211 --> 00:14:44,779
Oh!
410
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:47,081
Oh!
411
00:14:47,082 --> 00:14:48,215
Sergeant Hill,
what are you doing?!
412
00:14:48,216 --> 00:14:49,216
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, let's...
413
00:14:49,217 --> 00:14:50,217
Let the fire burn.
414
00:14:50,218 --> 00:14:51,585
Oh, it's burning.
415
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:53,988
Oh, there it goes.
416
00:14:53,989 --> 00:14:56,557
T-man's kind of uncoordinated.
417
00:14:56,558 --> 00:14:57,725
Sergeant Hill?
418
00:14:57,726 --> 00:14:59,560
Yeah, get it over that fence,
Pete! Good stuff!
419
00:15:03,398 --> 00:15:04,832
Hey! Hey!
420
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,737
I'm out of the hospital
and ready to work!
421
00:15:11,773 --> 00:15:13,941
That doesn't seem fair.
422
00:15:13,942 --> 00:15:15,142
You know what is real, Rodney?
423
00:15:16,279 --> 00:15:18,779
You're a giant pain in the ass.
424
00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:25,453
The only thing worse
than being yelled at by Cody
425
00:15:25,454 --> 00:15:27,488
is the anticipation of it.
426
00:15:27,489 --> 00:15:29,490
It's like... opposite Christmas.
427
00:15:29,491 --> 00:15:30,758
Are you kidding?
428
00:15:30,759 --> 00:15:33,694
T-man chucked a batting cage.
This is like super Christmas.
429
00:15:33,695 --> 00:15:35,196
You just love chaos.
430
00:15:35,197 --> 00:15:37,882
- I do. You can call me the Joker.
- Then that makes me Batman.
431
00:15:37,883 --> 00:15:39,567
If you're Batman,
you're crappy Batman.
432
00:15:39,568 --> 00:15:40,935
You're George Clooney Batman,
all right?
433
00:15:40,936 --> 00:15:42,536
You sank the franchise.
434
00:15:42,537 --> 00:15:44,472
But then I rose again.
435
00:15:44,473 --> 00:15:45,873
Isn't that right, Robin?
436
00:15:45,874 --> 00:15:47,842
I'm just eating my eggs
over here.
437
00:15:47,843 --> 00:15:50,111
At ease! Carry on.
438
00:15:50,112 --> 00:15:51,747
- Sergeant Hill.
- Here we go.
439
00:15:51,748 --> 00:15:54,448
- Here we go.
- Rodney called.
440
00:15:54,449 --> 00:15:55,950
Rodney. Yeah.
441
00:15:55,951 --> 00:15:57,251
To thank me for your work.
442
00:15:57,252 --> 00:15:59,320
Seems like your new attitude
is the real deal.
443
00:15:59,321 --> 00:16:02,957
You've earned yourself
one of these.
444
00:16:02,958 --> 00:16:04,792
- What is that?
- That's a real smile.
445
00:16:04,793 --> 00:16:06,727
Ah. It's the same as the fake smile.
446
00:16:07,763 --> 00:16:09,797
Yes!
447
00:16:09,798 --> 00:16:11,499
Looks like Rodney's too afraid
to rat us out.
448
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,234
What do you say about that,
Robin? Up top.
449
00:16:13,235 --> 00:16:15,703
Robin only works for a hero.
450
00:16:15,704 --> 00:16:18,906
You're no hero.
You're a dick.
451
00:16:20,175 --> 00:16:23,911
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
452
00:16:23,912 --> 00:16:25,079
- Shut up.
- Other soldiers.
453
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:29,583
♪ Fa LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! ♪
454
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,487
Oh, Sergeant Perez.
455
00:16:33,488 --> 00:16:35,389
Look, I just got a text
from my daughter,
456
00:16:35,390 --> 00:16:37,491
but I don't think
it was meant for me.
457
00:16:37,492 --> 00:16:40,294
Uh, "wut up
dinkie-do? Lulz."
458
00:16:40,295 --> 00:16:42,696
Smiley face, smiley face,
picture of a rainbow.
459
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:44,398
Does that mean
she's on drugs?
460
00:16:44,399 --> 00:16:46,333
Sergeant Major,
I spent most of yesterday
461
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:48,602
spying on your daughter,
and you didn't talk
462
00:16:48,603 --> 00:16:50,237
about the leadership
course once.
463
00:16:50,238 --> 00:16:52,608
I just thought that as a woman,
you could help me out.
464
00:16:52,609 --> 00:16:56,043
It's bad enough when a civilian
sees me as just that.
465
00:16:56,044 --> 00:16:59,080
It's a lot worse from you.
466
00:17:00,115 --> 00:17:01,749
Ooh, a lady one.
467
00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:03,551
I will end you!
468
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:06,687
All right.
469
00:17:06,688 --> 00:17:07,466
What's going on?
470
00:17:07,467 --> 00:17:09,343
I think I made it clear,
Sergeant.
471
00:17:09,344 --> 00:17:11,292
You're a slang word
for genitals.
472
00:17:11,293 --> 00:17:12,860
- Ooh.
- That slang word
473
00:17:12,861 --> 00:17:15,062
is a crazy disrespectful thing
to call a superior,
474
00:17:15,063 --> 00:17:17,965
Randy, but... gonna ignore it
'cause I'm your brother,
475
00:17:17,966 --> 00:17:19,266
and I want to know
what's going on.
476
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:21,135
Look, sure,
Rodney abused the system.
477
00:17:21,136 --> 00:17:22,536
And, yes, he's annoying.
478
00:17:22,537 --> 00:17:25,706
But remember how hard it was
for mom while dad was deployed?
479
00:17:25,707 --> 00:17:27,441
Yeah. It was hard.
480
00:17:27,442 --> 00:17:29,110
It's got to be hard
for Rodney, too,
481
00:17:29,111 --> 00:17:31,312
maybe harder because
we like our mom.
482
00:17:31,313 --> 00:17:34,081
Rodney's kid thinks he's a dork,
and you had to go off on him
483
00:17:34,082 --> 00:17:36,050
and justify everything
that kid thought.
484
00:17:38,053 --> 00:17:39,487
Man,
485
00:17:39,488 --> 00:17:42,423
I am a slang word for genitals.
486
00:17:42,424 --> 00:17:44,925
Yeah, you are. I don't feel
good about today anymore.
487
00:17:44,926 --> 00:17:46,327
- You want to apologize?
- No, no, of course not.
488
00:17:46,328 --> 00:17:47,328
Right.
489
00:17:47,329 --> 00:17:49,263
You need to go apologize, Pete.
490
00:17:49,264 --> 00:17:51,098
Embrace your own suck.
491
00:17:52,267 --> 00:17:53,601
Pretty profound stuff from a guy
492
00:17:53,602 --> 00:17:55,336
whose favorite food
used to be pennies.
493
00:17:55,337 --> 00:17:56,470
- He did love pennies.
- Yep.
494
00:17:56,471 --> 00:17:58,072
But he's right.
I mean...
495
00:17:58,073 --> 00:17:59,840
Look, you always try to set
a good example for us...
496
00:17:59,841 --> 00:18:00,841
Not that I'd ever follow it...
497
00:18:00,842 --> 00:18:02,643
But, at the very least,
498
00:18:02,644 --> 00:18:04,745
it's what mom
would want you to do.
499
00:18:04,746 --> 00:18:07,248
She's a great mom, huh?
500
00:18:07,249 --> 00:18:08,482
Amazing.
Yeah.
501
00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:10,251
She's the best mom in the world.
502
00:18:10,252 --> 00:18:11,986
I'm not gonna cry.
503
00:18:13,522 --> 00:18:15,122
I am. I love you, mom.
504
00:18:15,123 --> 00:18:16,123
I love her, too.
505
00:18:16,124 --> 00:18:17,158
I love her the most.
506
00:18:17,159 --> 00:18:18,526
Don't make it a competition.
507
00:18:18,527 --> 00:18:21,295
I love you, mom, so much.
508
00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:23,331
Keep crying, ladies.
This is great.
509
00:18:23,332 --> 00:18:25,933
Our tears are private, private!
510
00:18:26,825 --> 00:18:28,825
Sergeant Major, before
you say anything,
511
00:18:28,826 --> 00:18:30,626
- I know I was out of line.
- You weren't.
512
00:18:30,627 --> 00:18:32,119
I got you something.
513
00:18:32,830 --> 00:18:33,997
It's a thermos.
514
00:18:33,998 --> 00:18:35,999
Keeps cold things cold
and hot things hot.
515
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,835
The salesman assured me
that it was gender-neutral.
516
00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:39,836
Ah.
517
00:18:39,837 --> 00:18:41,271
Please.
Mmm.
518
00:18:41,272 --> 00:18:44,340
Look, I've got a bad habit
of putting what I want first.
519
00:18:44,341 --> 00:18:46,615
At least, that's what
my ex-wife says.
520
00:18:46,616 --> 00:18:49,212
It's just...
521
00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:51,948
I don't feel like a good dad.
522
00:18:55,686 --> 00:18:57,487
All you can
do is care.
523
00:18:57,488 --> 00:19:00,724
My parents weren't there
for me, like... like, ever.
524
00:19:00,725 --> 00:19:03,293
My dad was in jail,
my mom wasn't home,
525
00:19:03,294 --> 00:19:06,463
my Uncle Rico was beaten to death
with a sock full of oranges.
526
00:19:06,464 --> 00:19:07,497
Or was it doorknobs?
527
00:19:07,498 --> 00:19:09,566
No, it was oranges.
His corpse was sticky.
528
00:19:09,567 --> 00:19:11,134
Stop telling me things.
529
00:19:11,135 --> 00:19:14,537
Sorry. I'm just saying
I had no one.
530
00:19:14,538 --> 00:19:16,573
Your daughter has someone great.
531
00:19:16,574 --> 00:19:19,509
Thanks.
532
00:19:19,510 --> 00:19:21,845
Look,
533
00:19:21,846 --> 00:19:25,448
you may not have had anyone
who cared back then,
534
00:19:25,449 --> 00:19:27,650
but you've got someone
who cares now.
535
00:19:31,055 --> 00:19:32,389
Thanks for talking.
536
00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:34,090
We can still talk, but...
537
00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:36,559
Maybe after we discuss
the leadership course.
538
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,895
Oh, I've already approved that.
539
00:19:38,896 --> 00:19:40,930
You deserve it.
Thank you, Sergeant Major.
540
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,632
So...
541
00:19:42,633 --> 00:19:45,335
Oranges? Really?
542
00:19:45,336 --> 00:19:47,425
Yeah, so the key is you put 'em
in the freezer the night before,
543
00:19:47,426 --> 00:19:49,706
so they get really nice and
solid and then you can just...
544
00:19:49,707 --> 00:19:51,978
Go back to not telling me things.
545
00:19:52,379 --> 00:19:54,044
I'm really sorry,
Rodney.
546
00:19:54,045 --> 00:19:55,845
I was totally
out of line.
547
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:57,547
Well, thank you.
548
00:19:57,548 --> 00:19:59,516
Cheers.
549
00:20:03,254 --> 00:20:04,587
Oh, this beer's gelatinous.
550
00:20:05,623 --> 00:20:06,723
Am I tasting pork?
551
00:20:06,724 --> 00:20:09,392
This is Rodney's
summer pig roast ale.
552
00:20:09,393 --> 00:20:11,361
- And it sucks.
- Yeah.
553
00:20:11,362 --> 00:20:13,190
I'm lame and I can't even
make good beer.
554
00:20:13,191 --> 00:20:14,967
Hey, don't beat yourself up.
555
00:20:14,968 --> 00:20:17,267
- My son doesn't even respect me.
- That's not true.
556
00:20:17,268 --> 00:20:18,470
He sits in his room
all day long.
557
00:20:18,471 --> 00:20:20,704
That's why I thought that
sports court was a good idea.
558
00:20:20,705 --> 00:20:23,039
Yeah, I'm not so sure he'd be
into a sports court anyway.
559
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:28,411
Listen, I was talking to Randy,
and... I may have an idea.
560
00:20:47,465 --> 00:20:48,431
Wow!
561
00:20:54,171 --> 00:20:55,138
Hi-ya!
562
00:21:03,548 --> 00:21:05,214
I really believe
that's happening!
563
00:21:14,592 --> 00:21:15,906
Thank you, guys.
564
00:21:16,551 --> 00:21:18,349
Aw, it's no problem, Rodney.
565
00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:20,530
Rear D takes care
of its own.
566
00:21:20,531 --> 00:21:22,032
Really?
567
00:21:22,033 --> 00:21:24,534
I had to walk back
from the hospital twice. Twice!
568
00:21:24,535 --> 00:21:26,636
Eh, let's watch it again.
569
00:21:26,637 --> 00:21:29,907
Sync and corrections by brayanatsix
www.addic7ed.com
570
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,063
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
571
00:21:33,113 --> 00:21:37,663
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41969
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