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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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Morning, Sergeant Major.
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Sergeant Major.
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00:00:07,949 --> 00:00:10,822
Looks like the field's up to snuff
for this year's football match.
5
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Well, I don't know about the army,
but in the marines, we call it a "game."
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Oh, how quickly I remember why
this rivalry steams my trousers.
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If you can call it a rivalry.
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00:00:20,266 --> 00:00:22,066
Let's debate the meaning
of every word I say.
9
00:00:22,067 --> 00:00:23,602
Why not? What's "not"? Is "not" a word?
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My marines haven't
lost this game in ten years.
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You haven't scored in three.
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- Should we skip the bet this year?
- Oh, the bet is on. (Snaps fingers)
13
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Usual terms...
14
00:00:33,078 --> 00:00:34,746
Loser displays this poster in his office,
15
00:00:34,747 --> 00:00:37,582
and sends a holiday
card posing in front of it...
16
00:00:37,583 --> 00:00:38,883
In a stupid sweater.
17
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- (Chuckles)
- And this year, we got a secret weapon.
18
00:00:42,988 --> 00:00:46,191
Time to knock the cobwebs off
the ol' rocket launcher.
19
00:00:46,192 --> 00:00:47,425
Derrick: Oh, God.
20
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Too bad you don't
still have that half shirt
21
00:00:49,261 --> 00:00:50,735
you used to wear to
practice in high school.
22
00:00:50,736 --> 00:00:52,130
Still got it. Still fits.
23
00:00:52,131 --> 00:00:54,632
It would fit a pregnant
woman... it's a half shirt.
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(Gasping, yelling)
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Hey, hi.
26
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Lock the door, man!
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Wait a second, are you crying?
28
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It's healthy to cry when you do this.
29
00:01:03,576 --> 00:01:04,843
- No, it's not.
- No, it is not.
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A soldier returns home from war
to surprise his loving family,
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and then they all hug.
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You can't not cry.
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- Ah.
- Okay, well, the good news is,
34
00:01:15,020 --> 00:01:17,655
is we're talking about
two entirely different things.
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00:01:17,656 --> 00:01:18,957
What were you guys talking about?
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- Doesn't matter.
- Nah.
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These videos are like emotional coffee...
38
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Get you going. You should try it.
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Yeah, I'm good.
40
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Some family I don't know getting all weepy
41
00:01:26,332 --> 00:01:29,167
over a surprise I saw
coming a mile away? Pass.
42
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(Crying): I saw it coming a mile away.
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Can you imagine if they had these
videos when our dad was around?
44
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That movie would have been better than
Jaws and The Little Mermaid combined.
45
00:01:38,577 --> 00:01:39,844
Yeah.
46
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Hey, p-wads, you want to eat?
What you watching?
47
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(Several sobbing) The soldier.
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(Crying): That's some good coffee.
49
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Cody: The army is filled
with troops on heroic missions,
50
00:01:52,553 --> 00:01:53,770
and then there's us.
51
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We take care of things at home.
52
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We are the Rear Detachment.
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Yes, we're soldiers.
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Sync and corrections by brayanatsix
www.addic7ed.com
55
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,264
Enlisted S01E04
Homecoming
56
00:02:06,572 --> 00:02:09,541
Woman: Nobody can cover
my shift on Saturday?
57
00:02:09,542 --> 00:02:12,711
It's my kid's birthday.
And you know my ex is deployed.
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00:02:12,712 --> 00:02:16,485
Half the staff's out with the flu.
I've got my erotic fiction boot camp.
59
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This is on you.
60
00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:19,651
Pete: So...
61
00:02:19,652 --> 00:02:21,052
Saturday is Sam's birthday?
62
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Yeah. I was gonna take him to Disney world.
He's been talking about it for weeks.
63
00:02:25,558 --> 00:02:28,727
Oh, sweet! Is he gonna wear the ears?
He has to wear the ears.
64
00:02:28,728 --> 00:02:29,473
Okay, do you want me to talk to him?
65
00:02:29,474 --> 00:02:33,064
- Randy, he's not going.
- Oh, he's gonna be so disappointed.
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00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:34,232
(Sighs)
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00:02:35,601 --> 00:02:36,434
Ow!
68
00:02:36,435 --> 00:02:38,737
That is for never understanding anything.
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Thank you. Ow!
70
00:02:40,373 --> 00:02:41,740
That's for missing a golden opportunity.
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00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:42,774
Yeah, dude.
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00:02:42,775 --> 00:02:44,042
I will bite you.
73
00:02:44,043 --> 00:02:45,844
Take the kid to Disney world.
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00:02:45,845 --> 00:02:47,879
It'll be the best birthday he's ever had,
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00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,606
and you will look like
a hero in front of Erin...
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Something that I...
happen to know a little bit about.
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Ow!
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We've been meaning to talk to you
about this whole hero thing.
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Maybe let other people say it.
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Like me. You're a hero.
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00:03:00,393 --> 00:03:01,259
Thank you.
82
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:04,429
Fine, but are you trying to move
the ball down the field with Erin or what?
83
00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:07,098
Not everything has to be
a football metaphor, but yeah,
84
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,800
I do really like Erin a lot.
85
00:03:08,801 --> 00:03:10,302
Oh... Shut up.
86
00:03:10,303 --> 00:03:13,238
That's why I got to be careful.
She's a single mom with a young son.
87
00:03:13,239 --> 00:03:16,708
If either one of them has any doubts,
then I'm getting thrown out the door.
88
00:03:17,009 --> 00:03:20,699
So no big moves... taking the kid
to Disney world solo, not the move.
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00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,682
- Isn't no move also a move?
- Just said something there, brother.
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00:03:23,683 --> 00:03:24,816
Randy: You need to go big, man.
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00:03:24,817 --> 00:03:30,288
You need to jump off that cliff, and trust
that love will be your parachute.
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Let it be your parachute.
93
00:03:31,457 --> 00:03:32,791
That's stupid.
94
00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:35,393
(Imitates parachute whooshing open)
95
00:03:35,394 --> 00:03:38,530
(Mock scream) Hope my backup chute works!
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00:03:38,531 --> 00:03:39,865
(Mock gasping)
97
00:03:39,866 --> 00:03:41,433
(Imitates parachute whooshing open)
98
00:03:41,434 --> 00:03:42,801
He got the backup.
99
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Ooh.
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00:03:46,439 --> 00:03:48,607
Deliver a baby on two. Hut, hut...
101
00:03:48,608 --> 00:03:50,141
Just one more push, boo boo.
102
00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:51,276
Good lord, the pain!
103
00:03:51,277 --> 00:03:52,911
I'm not ready to be a mother.
104
00:03:52,912 --> 00:03:54,813
Your body's doing what it was built to do.
105
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Here it comes!
106
00:03:55,982 --> 00:03:56,781
(Gasps)
107
00:03:56,782 --> 00:03:59,084
(Yelling, cheering)
108
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,854
(Crying): I want my baby.
109
00:04:02,855 --> 00:04:04,155
What in the hell are you doing?
110
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,790
Football practice.
111
00:04:05,791 --> 00:04:08,026
Oh, thank God this
year's gonna be different.
112
00:04:17,069 --> 00:04:18,470
Somebody call for a hero?
113
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Ah. You got to give me that one.
114
00:04:20,706 --> 00:04:22,607
- No, we don't.
- I'll allow it.
115
00:04:22,608 --> 00:04:24,709
Quarterback Pete hill reporting for duty.
116
00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:26,011
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm the quarterback.
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00:04:26,012 --> 00:04:28,113
Ooh. Oh, about that, Sergeant Perez,
118
00:04:28,114 --> 00:04:29,648
- you're fired.
- What?
119
00:04:29,649 --> 00:04:31,783
- But be cool about it. Be cool.
- But I...
120
00:04:31,784 --> 00:04:33,652
- (Whispers): Be cool.
- Sergeant Hill was on the cover
121
00:04:33,653 --> 00:04:34,719
of parade magazine.
122
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:35,520
(Groans)
123
00:04:35,521 --> 00:04:36,688
It's a pretty big get.
124
00:04:37,534 --> 00:04:38,957
Great shirt, Pete.
125
00:04:38,958 --> 00:04:40,125
Thanks, buddy.
126
00:04:40,126 --> 00:04:41,860
No.
127
00:04:41,861 --> 00:04:43,728
This is because he
played in high school? Well?
128
00:04:43,729 --> 00:04:46,398
I dated a rapper in eighth
grade... am I Beyonc�?
129
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:48,800
Oh...
130
00:04:48,801 --> 00:04:50,836
Show her your spin move.
131
00:04:50,837 --> 00:04:52,170
(Others gasping)
132
00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:54,039
Is this really happening?
133
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,308
Cody: You can't even catch those
flags... that's too fast.
134
00:04:56,309 --> 00:04:58,009
Look, I'm sorry, Sergeant Perez,
135
00:04:58,010 --> 00:05:00,479
but this isn't a game,
this is flag football!
136
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,048
Fast as lightning, and twice as deadly.
137
00:05:03,549 --> 00:05:04,816
That's really good.
138
00:05:04,817 --> 00:05:06,885
Last time we had fish,
it was in the chow hall,
139
00:05:06,886 --> 00:05:08,854
and they spelled "salmon"
without the "I" or the "o."
140
00:05:08,855 --> 00:05:10,856
Oh, "Sam-n." Yeah.
141
00:05:10,857 --> 00:05:14,226
Months later, it's the base
coat for every burp. So, sex?
142
00:05:14,227 --> 00:05:15,994
- Absolutely not.
- Okay.
143
00:05:15,995 --> 00:05:18,597
The lightbulb's out in my room.
144
00:05:18,598 --> 00:05:20,165
- Oh.
- (Sighs) Really?
145
00:05:20,166 --> 00:05:21,566
I'm sorry, sweetie.
146
00:05:21,567 --> 00:05:24,002
Did I mention that he's in a dramatic mood?
147
00:05:24,003 --> 00:05:26,538
There's a cartoon mouse
that's tearing our family apart.
148
00:05:26,539 --> 00:05:29,274
Yeah, I hear you have a birthday
coming up. That's exciting.
149
00:05:29,275 --> 00:05:30,709
(Sighs): Yeah.
150
00:05:30,710 --> 00:05:33,778
And I hear you've got
a special birthday wish, huh?
151
00:05:33,779 --> 00:05:35,580
Erin: Uh, what are you doing?
152
00:05:35,581 --> 00:05:37,115
I-I got this.
153
00:05:37,116 --> 00:05:38,917
Hey, why don't you tell
me your special wish,
154
00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,719
and I'll see if I can make it happen.
155
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,354
I want to see my dad.
156
00:05:42,355 --> 00:05:43,922
Oh.
157
00:05:43,923 --> 00:05:45,090
But he's at war.
158
00:05:45,091 --> 00:05:46,525
Let's start over.
159
00:05:46,526 --> 00:05:49,761
Why don't you tell me where
you want to go for your birthday.
160
00:05:49,762 --> 00:05:52,230
I want to go anywhere with my dad.
161
00:05:52,231 --> 00:05:54,399
I feel like you're focusing
a little too much on the who.
162
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,301
Why don't you just steer
it on back to the where.
163
00:05:56,302 --> 00:05:59,037
He's in Afghanistan.
But can you bring him here?
164
00:05:59,038 --> 00:05:59,905
No, Sam.
165
00:05:59,906 --> 00:06:01,106
He said he could.
166
00:06:01,107 --> 00:06:04,409
Y-yeah, I-I-I could
maybe talk to someone.
167
00:06:04,410 --> 00:06:05,844
No, Sam, not really.
168
00:06:05,845 --> 00:06:08,113
Look, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
169
00:06:08,114 --> 00:06:10,215
but don't let the puppy eyes
back you into a corner.
170
00:06:10,216 --> 00:06:12,417
I mean, I know you can't really do this.
171
00:06:13,453 --> 00:06:14,553
Can you?
172
00:06:14,554 --> 00:06:16,321
Uh...
173
00:06:16,322 --> 00:06:18,557
Uh...
174
00:06:18,558 --> 00:06:22,661
Yeah, as... uh, Sergeant
Major Cody's a friend, so...
175
00:06:22,662 --> 00:06:24,296
Yeah.
176
00:06:25,298 --> 00:06:27,799
(Gasps) Oh!
177
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,101
Oh, thank you! Oh!
178
00:06:29,102 --> 00:06:31,470
- A second hug.
- That would mean so much.
179
00:06:31,471 --> 00:06:33,138
Thank you, mom's boyfriend.
180
00:06:33,139 --> 00:06:34,973
Oh, you're welcome, mom's kid.
181
00:06:37,284 --> 00:06:39,852
(Laughing)
182
00:06:39,853 --> 00:06:41,887
Please stop laughing, Sergeant Major.
183
00:06:41,888 --> 00:06:44,323
You promised that we'd bring
a man home from war.
184
00:06:44,324 --> 00:06:46,559
I mean, I've said some crazy things
in the throes of passion,
185
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,160
but this is the craziest. (Laughing)
186
00:06:48,161 --> 00:06:51,230
- It wasn't in the throes of passion.
- Well, then you got a raw deal.
187
00:06:51,231 --> 00:06:55,401
- So it's not something you can do?
- It is absolutely 100% impossible.
188
00:06:55,402 --> 00:06:57,616
- Sergeant Major.
- Yes, private.
189
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,372
I've got some thoughts
that may be of service.
190
00:06:59,373 --> 00:07:01,607
Could this best be expressed
in a letter I won't read?
191
00:07:01,608 --> 00:07:06,510
Picture this... A crisp fall day,
the army-marine flag football game
192
00:07:06,511 --> 00:07:07,913
has just drawn to a close.
193
00:07:07,914 --> 00:07:11,784
Our mascot, McAlligator... that's me,
I'm gonna make the costume,
194
00:07:11,785 --> 00:07:15,421
takes the field for a punt-pass-kick
competition with the kids.
195
00:07:15,422 --> 00:07:17,857
In the distance comes a soldier...
196
00:07:17,858 --> 00:07:19,558
Home from war.
197
00:07:19,559 --> 00:07:22,790
Now, his son doesn't see him,
'cause he's too focused
198
00:07:22,791 --> 00:07:24,975
on McAlligator, who, again, is me.
199
00:07:25,432 --> 00:07:27,741
The soldier kneels.
200
00:07:27,742 --> 00:07:29,769
The boy turns.
201
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:31,404
And now...
202
00:07:31,405 --> 00:07:34,373
He sees it's his father.
203
00:07:34,374 --> 00:07:36,493
Tears, tears, tears. I'm tearing up.
204
00:07:36,494 --> 00:07:38,260
This is something I never
got to do with my dad.
205
00:07:38,261 --> 00:07:40,301
This isn't about me. Get it together!
206
00:07:40,302 --> 00:07:42,114
(Sighs): Point is...
207
00:07:42,115 --> 00:07:46,319
This could be the greatest
soldier-reunion video ever.
208
00:07:48,922 --> 00:07:52,158
I'll try opening up our windows
at night, let the air in.
209
00:07:52,159 --> 00:07:54,260
- I'm in.
- What's that?
210
00:07:54,261 --> 00:07:57,063
This is how we show the marines who's boss.
211
00:07:57,064 --> 00:07:58,397
First I win my bet.
212
00:07:58,398 --> 00:08:02,068
Then we play the heart
strings like yo-yo ma.
213
00:08:02,069 --> 00:08:03,169
So you can bring him home?
214
00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:04,603
I'd have to call in a few favors.
215
00:08:04,604 --> 00:08:05,938
Well, then why did you
say it was impossible?
216
00:08:05,939 --> 00:08:07,473
Why'd you make it sound so boring?
217
00:08:08,308 --> 00:08:09,775
Hot damn!
218
00:08:09,776 --> 00:08:12,144
This is gonna be a moment for the ages.
219
00:08:12,145 --> 00:08:14,280
This better be a moment for the ages.
220
00:08:16,683 --> 00:08:19,352
All right, we'll start with the
play that got me to state.
221
00:08:19,353 --> 00:08:20,786
Arson almost got me to state.
222
00:08:20,787 --> 00:08:23,022
That is prison, this was high school.
223
00:08:23,023 --> 00:08:25,391
Now, it starts with
the boldest of deceptions
224
00:08:25,392 --> 00:08:26,726
and ends in glory.
225
00:08:26,727 --> 00:08:29,528
- It's like a greatness sandwich.
- How is that a sandwich?
226
00:08:29,529 --> 00:08:30,617
It's a metaphor.
227
00:08:30,618 --> 00:08:33,599
Yeah, but you just said two things,
and a sandwich is at least three things.
228
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,000
Unless it's a poor people's sandwich,
229
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:36,736
when you fold the bread over
some mayonnaise and cry
230
00:08:36,737 --> 00:08:39,605
because your grandma is doing
the best that she can.
231
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,374
I'm just trying to light
a fire under you guys.
232
00:08:41,375 --> 00:08:43,642
- Now you're speaking my language.
- Here's the play.
233
00:08:43,643 --> 00:08:46,145
- Gumble, slant right.
- Oh, I don't know what that means.
234
00:08:46,146 --> 00:08:48,647
Doesn't matter, 'cause I'm passing the ball
to Ruiz, who will be in the end zone.
235
00:08:48,648 --> 00:08:50,182
That's right. Give me the damn ball.
236
00:08:50,183 --> 00:08:52,351
Oh, it'll be there to greet
you like an old friend.
237
00:08:52,352 --> 00:08:53,786
What's my backstory?
238
00:08:53,787 --> 00:08:55,488
We go on two.
239
00:08:55,489 --> 00:08:57,857
Blue 19!
240
00:08:57,858 --> 00:08:59,392
Hut, hut!
241
00:08:59,393 --> 00:09:01,026
(Indistinct shouting)
242
00:09:01,027 --> 00:09:02,261
Yeah.
243
00:09:02,262 --> 00:09:04,130
(Bone cracks)
244
00:09:04,131 --> 00:09:06,565
(Screaming)
245
00:09:07,768 --> 00:09:09,135
Bravo, Sergeant!
246
00:09:09,136 --> 00:09:11,470
That is the boldest of deceptions.
247
00:09:11,471 --> 00:09:13,072
(Groaning)
248
00:09:13,073 --> 00:09:15,207
Which part of the sandwich is this?
249
00:09:15,208 --> 00:09:18,210
Sergeant Hill has four
inches of shrapnel in his shoulder,
250
00:09:18,211 --> 00:09:19,812
so you're the quarterback.
251
00:09:19,813 --> 00:09:21,046
- Yes!
- Be cool about it.
252
00:09:21,047 --> 00:09:22,848
I knew Mr. State Championship...
253
00:09:22,849 --> 00:09:23,916
I said, "be cool."
254
00:09:23,917 --> 00:09:25,818
And he's still the coach.
255
00:09:25,819 --> 00:09:28,554
Believe me, you were our last option.
256
00:09:28,555 --> 00:09:30,356
(Bellows)
257
00:09:30,357 --> 00:09:31,957
(Groaning)
258
00:09:31,958 --> 00:09:33,893
That does hurt. It's
heavier than you realize.
259
00:09:35,796 --> 00:09:36,796
(Groans)
260
00:09:41,301 --> 00:09:42,701
(Glass shatters, car alarm blaring)
261
00:09:43,770 --> 00:09:45,204
Victory.
262
00:09:45,205 --> 00:09:46,839
What the hell?
263
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,175
Wasn't me.
264
00:09:49,176 --> 00:09:51,944
So you're the quarterback.
And you get her ready.
265
00:09:51,945 --> 00:09:54,447
Because before you got hurt,
I doubled down on the bet.
266
00:09:54,448 --> 00:09:55,548
The loser gets...
267
00:09:55,549 --> 00:09:57,216
Cheesecake. Ooh.
268
00:09:57,217 --> 00:09:58,751
Sounds delicious.
269
00:09:59,753 --> 00:10:01,020
This...
270
00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:02,288
Is cheesecake.
271
00:10:03,223 --> 00:10:04,957
(Hissing)
272
00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:06,459
I can't lose this bet.
273
00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,127
(Indistinct conversations)
274
00:10:08,128 --> 00:10:11,130
Hi. So, you guys are all set
to pick up Brandon tomorrow?
275
00:10:11,131 --> 00:10:12,765
We got it perfectly timed. His bus gets in
276
00:10:12,766 --> 00:10:14,100
right before the game,
then we whisk him away
277
00:10:14,101 --> 00:10:18,537
to create the greatest, greatest, greatest
memory, memory of your child's life.
278
00:10:18,538 --> 00:10:20,072
Making me, uh, uh...
279
00:10:20,073 --> 00:10:21,407
What's the word that Pete always uses?
280
00:10:21,408 --> 00:10:22,608
A hero. (Scoffs)
281
00:10:22,609 --> 00:10:24,076
I'm a humble man, Randy.
282
00:10:24,077 --> 00:10:25,878
But he's right.
283
00:10:25,879 --> 00:10:27,046
(Sighs)
284
00:10:28,415 --> 00:10:30,282
This is amazing.
285
00:10:31,284 --> 00:10:32,985
So she's expecting amazing.
286
00:10:32,986 --> 00:10:34,487
You're gonna help me make
this amazing, right?
287
00:10:34,488 --> 00:10:36,956
I love that you're turning to me for help.
288
00:10:36,957 --> 00:10:38,457
For once I'm, like, your big brother.
289
00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:41,494
- Come here for a noogie. Come here.
- No. Just help me make it amazing, okay?
290
00:10:41,495 --> 00:10:44,263
There's a... there's a lot riding on you.
Should I be worried?
291
00:10:44,264 --> 00:10:46,120
I got this, baby bro.
292
00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:48,760
I got this.
293
00:10:50,137 --> 00:10:52,383
So I should be worried.
294
00:10:52,806 --> 00:10:54,340
Pete: You want to win?
295
00:10:54,341 --> 00:10:56,408
You got to study game film.
296
00:10:56,409 --> 00:10:58,744
(Marching band playing) Wow.
297
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:02,648
Who, do you ask, is that flash
running up the sideline,
298
00:11:02,649 --> 00:11:04,617
scoring the game-winning
and final touchdown?
299
00:11:04,618 --> 00:11:07,753
Well, that is M.V. Pete. (Whoops)
300
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:10,523
- That's catchy, huh?
- Do you want to be alone with these tapes?
301
00:11:10,524 --> 00:11:13,292
God, I wouldn't hate it,
but we got a lot of work to do.
302
00:11:13,293 --> 00:11:15,961
Now, we are about to face
a worthy opponent.
303
00:11:15,962 --> 00:11:17,663
Are they better than us?
304
00:11:17,664 --> 00:11:18,764
All: No!
305
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:21,500
I got to believe yes,
but I'm about to teach you
306
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:24,436
the most sophisticated
offense ever devised.
307
00:11:24,437 --> 00:11:27,006
It boils down to 30 basic plays,
each with audible options,
308
00:11:27,007 --> 00:11:28,707
depending on how they stacked the box.
309
00:11:30,844 --> 00:11:33,712
Okay, it boils down to ten basic plays.
310
00:11:35,315 --> 00:11:36,982
Five plays. Five.
311
00:11:36,983 --> 00:11:39,351
Knock it down to three,
and we've got a deal.
312
00:11:39,352 --> 00:11:40,527
If we get them under our belts,
313
00:11:40,528 --> 00:11:43,956
I promise you we will
torch these guys. Metaphor.
314
00:11:43,957 --> 00:11:45,891
(Sighs)
315
00:11:45,892 --> 00:11:47,927
(Brakes squeak)
316
00:11:50,263 --> 00:11:52,064
(Hydraulic hissing)
317
00:11:52,065 --> 00:11:55,401
All right, keep your eyes peeled
for the name tag Brandon stone.
318
00:11:55,402 --> 00:11:57,136
Hey, hey.
319
00:11:57,137 --> 00:11:58,637
Randy: Wow.
320
00:11:58,638 --> 00:12:01,473
That's the reunion I'd
have wanted with our dad.
321
00:12:01,474 --> 00:12:04,977
Simple, intimate, classic.
322
00:12:08,415 --> 00:12:09,815
Where's Brandon?
323
00:12:11,184 --> 00:12:12,384
Is that him?
324
00:12:12,385 --> 00:12:13,686
The guy with the other family?
325
00:12:13,687 --> 00:12:15,521
No, the old woman who's not in uniform.
326
00:12:15,522 --> 00:12:16,722
That's sarcasm.
327
00:12:16,723 --> 00:12:17,990
It's something big brothers do.
328
00:12:17,991 --> 00:12:20,526
Seriously, though, this is a setback.
329
00:12:22,663 --> 00:12:27,199
(Singing): Beat the marines!
Beat the marines!
330
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:28,868
(Chanting continues) Hi, Brandon.
It's, uh, Derrick.
331
00:12:28,869 --> 00:12:30,069
I guess we missed you at the bus stop.
332
00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:32,543
That was what we call a bad surprise.
You know what I'm saying?
333
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,942
As opposed to a good surprise,
which is gonna happen
334
00:12:33,943 --> 00:12:36,540
if you show up at the game, so
just, show up at the game, okay?
335
00:12:36,541 --> 00:12:39,415
Hopefully, you can hear this over
the idiots chanting behind me!
336
00:12:39,416 --> 00:12:40,379
(Yelling, cheering, whooping)
337
00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:42,981
Everything's gonna be fine,
little brother, all right?
338
00:12:42,982 --> 00:12:44,650
It's a father-son reunion
without the father.
339
00:12:44,651 --> 00:12:46,319
But with a McAlligator.
340
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,687
- So plan B.
- Okay.
341
00:12:47,688 --> 00:12:50,823
I take the field with the kids,
Sam's having a total blast,
342
00:12:50,824 --> 00:12:53,392
I say, "hey, buddy, do you miss your dad?"
343
00:12:53,393 --> 00:12:55,695
That's a voice I'm working
on for McAlligator.
344
00:12:55,696 --> 00:12:57,997
I then take the mask off, and he sees me.
345
00:12:57,998 --> 00:13:01,100
He's surprised. I start crying.
It's infectious. You start cheering.
346
00:13:01,101 --> 00:13:03,402
- And why would I cheer?
- 'Cause it's weird if I'm crying and cheering.
347
00:13:03,403 --> 00:13:05,838
It's weird without Brandon... period.
348
00:13:05,839 --> 00:13:09,442
Think different. Steve jobs.
Am I crazy, or is plan B actually better?
349
00:13:09,443 --> 00:13:12,812
Where I come from, plan B is
when you leave your baby daughter
350
00:13:12,813 --> 00:13:15,114
in the woods during bear season.
351
00:13:20,654 --> 00:13:22,955
Hi, guys. Hey, Brandon?
352
00:13:22,956 --> 00:13:25,707
What a beautiful day for football!
353
00:13:25,708 --> 00:13:26,592
I'm Pam Oliver,
354
00:13:26,593 --> 00:13:28,461
and this is the armyversus marines
355
00:13:28,462 --> 00:13:32,031
in their annualflag football charity game.
356
00:13:32,032 --> 00:13:33,532
Brandon? No.
357
00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:34,700
Is your name Brandon, by any chance?
358
00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:37,636
Pam: Coming to youon fox sports southeast daytime
359
00:13:37,637 --> 00:13:39,572
not HD limited view.
360
00:13:39,573 --> 00:13:41,207
Anybody watching this?
361
00:13:41,208 --> 00:13:43,376
Hi. Brandon? Brandon, by any chance?
362
00:13:44,244 --> 00:13:46,278
Hi. Hi.
363
00:13:46,279 --> 00:13:49,582
It appears a prankster
has run onto the field
364
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:53,219
wearing a sling and halter top.
365
00:13:53,220 --> 00:13:55,988
I'm told that's the army coach.
366
00:13:55,989 --> 00:13:58,508
All right, everybody. Huddle up.
367
00:13:58,509 --> 00:14:02,421
Right now, your opponent
is thinking, "we got this."
368
00:14:02,422 --> 00:14:03,703
And you know why?
369
00:14:03,704 --> 00:14:05,141
'Cause they think you're a joke.
370
00:14:05,142 --> 00:14:07,570
And in these troubled times,
we need laughter.
371
00:14:07,571 --> 00:14:08,601
Not at all what I'm saying.
372
00:14:08,602 --> 00:14:12,161
They think they're here for some
candy-ass game of flag football. Huh?
373
00:14:12,162 --> 00:14:14,073
We're about to serve these
punks up a lesson
374
00:14:14,074 --> 00:14:15,308
in Pete-ball! Hooah.
375
00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:16,575
All: Pete-ball, hooah!
376
00:14:16,576 --> 00:14:19,145
(Whoops)
377
00:14:19,146 --> 00:14:20,680
Oh. Ooh.
378
00:14:20,681 --> 00:14:22,315
Oh, wow, those kids are big.
379
00:14:22,316 --> 00:14:24,684
(Cheering and applause)
380
00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:29,155
Are you ready to die today?
381
00:14:29,156 --> 00:14:30,656
I will eat your heart!
382
00:14:30,657 --> 00:14:33,959
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no. No taunting. No.
383
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,861
Let me hear you people!
384
00:14:35,862 --> 00:14:36,996
(Applause and cheering)
385
00:14:36,997 --> 00:14:38,531
(Whistle blowing)
386
00:14:38,532 --> 00:14:40,666
(Crowd shouting)
387
00:14:40,667 --> 00:14:41,834
Go! Go! Go! Go! Oh, yes.
388
00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:42,835
Go! Go! Come on!
389
00:14:42,836 --> 00:14:44,003
Get him! Stop him!
390
00:14:44,004 --> 00:14:45,271
Get him! Hey!
391
00:14:45,272 --> 00:14:46,372
Oh, three and three! Pete: Yup, get him.
392
00:14:46,373 --> 00:14:47,640
Gumble, get him!
393
00:14:47,641 --> 00:14:48,941
Get the flag! Get the flag!
394
00:14:48,942 --> 00:14:50,142
Stop him, you suckers!
395
00:14:50,143 --> 00:14:51,877
- Will somebody get him?
- Keep going!
396
00:14:51,878 --> 00:14:53,946
- I give up.
- I need a gatorade!
397
00:14:53,947 --> 00:14:56,482
(Cheering)
398
00:14:56,483 --> 00:14:57,783
Oh.
399
00:14:57,784 --> 00:14:59,018
(Whistle blowing) Oh. God.
400
00:14:59,019 --> 00:15:00,686
Oh! Oh!
401
00:15:00,687 --> 00:15:03,222
Seven points is nothing, you guys!
402
00:15:03,223 --> 00:15:04,590
(Grunts)
403
00:15:04,591 --> 00:15:06,125
Run!
404
00:15:07,494 --> 00:15:09,629
All right, 28 points is nothing, you guys.
405
00:15:09,630 --> 00:15:11,364
Oh, wait. He took the ball.
406
00:15:11,365 --> 00:15:12,465
What the...?
407
00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:15,234
56 points is something.
408
00:15:18,939 --> 00:15:21,340
(Grunts) Randy: I feel a rally
409
00:15:21,341 --> 00:15:24,910
coming, Sergeant...
410
00:15:24,911 --> 00:15:27,513
Pam: That takes us to
the two-minute warning
411
00:15:27,514 --> 00:15:31,017
with the marines leading
the army, 119 to zero.
412
00:15:31,018 --> 00:15:33,386
- Hey, Pete!
- So, on a day when everybody is a winner,
413
00:15:33,387 --> 00:15:36,489
you can't help but feel that is a lie.
414
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:39,058
Derrick, you let that
guy blow right past you!
415
00:15:39,059 --> 00:15:41,643
Who cares? Brandon was a no-show.
416
00:15:41,644 --> 00:15:44,209
I'm about to lose my girlfriend
in front of a crowd.
417
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,097
Hi.
418
00:15:45,098 --> 00:15:46,399
Hi. Mm.
419
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,900
You guys suck!
420
00:15:47,901 --> 00:15:49,769
- Yes, we do.
- Sergeant Major,
421
00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:52,772
I know you got a lot riding on this game.
I really thought I could get you the win.
422
00:15:52,773 --> 00:15:53,906
Win? Yeah.
423
00:15:53,907 --> 00:15:55,207
I just bet you could score.
424
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:57,243
- Score?!
- You really thought you could win?
425
00:15:57,244 --> 00:15:58,945
You really are full of yourself.
426
00:15:58,946 --> 00:16:00,513
I was an all-American!
427
00:16:00,514 --> 00:16:02,181
Well, some people peak early.
428
00:16:02,182 --> 00:16:04,116
But I can't lose this bet!
429
00:16:04,117 --> 00:16:05,885
Look at him over there,
430
00:16:05,886 --> 00:16:07,587
taunting me.
431
00:16:07,588 --> 00:16:10,856
Confusing taunt, but
damn it, I feel the burn!
432
00:16:10,857 --> 00:16:12,692
Now...
433
00:16:12,693 --> 00:16:14,460
Score!
434
00:16:14,461 --> 00:16:17,263
(High-pitched groan)
435
00:16:17,264 --> 00:16:19,265
(Sighs)
436
00:16:19,266 --> 00:16:21,400
All right, change of plans.
437
00:16:21,401 --> 00:16:22,935
We're gonna score.
438
00:16:22,936 --> 00:16:24,670
Gumble, flag right.
439
00:16:24,671 --> 00:16:26,038
I still don't know what that means.
440
00:16:26,039 --> 00:16:27,206
Still doesn't matter, 'cause I'm passing
441
00:16:27,207 --> 00:16:28,874
the ball to Ruiz who will
be in that end zone.
442
00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:30,309
I don't want the damn ball.
443
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:32,912
Too bad. It'll be there to greet you,
444
00:16:32,913 --> 00:16:35,047
like an old friend.
445
00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:36,816
But, Sergeant Hill, your arm?
446
00:16:38,151 --> 00:16:40,086
(Gasps)
447
00:16:40,087 --> 00:16:41,754
Don't worry.
448
00:16:41,755 --> 00:16:43,823
I'll get it there.
449
00:16:43,824 --> 00:16:45,057
(Whistle blows)
450
00:16:47,027 --> 00:16:48,761
Army ranger!
451
00:16:48,762 --> 00:16:51,264
Blue 19!
452
00:16:51,265 --> 00:16:53,432
Marines suck!
453
00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:55,334
Hut! Hut!
454
00:17:02,509 --> 00:17:06,279
(Snap, Pete screaming)
455
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:07,179
Oh!
456
00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:08,281
Damn!
457
00:17:08,282 --> 00:17:09,615
(Groans)
458
00:17:09,616 --> 00:17:12,285
(Yelling)
459
00:17:12,286 --> 00:17:13,786
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Guy?
460
00:17:13,787 --> 00:17:15,454
Medic! Need a medic! Is he okay?
461
00:17:15,455 --> 00:17:17,857
(Grunts)
462
00:17:19,893 --> 00:17:23,496
(Speaking slowly): Deception!
463
00:17:23,497 --> 00:17:24,597
I'm the medic! Clear the way!
464
00:17:24,598 --> 00:17:26,766
(Grunts)
465
00:17:29,303 --> 00:17:30,336
(Groaning)
466
00:17:30,337 --> 00:17:32,338
(Indistinct shouting)
467
00:17:32,339 --> 00:17:34,140
Keep running. (Screaming)
468
00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:35,308
(Screaming)
469
00:17:35,309 --> 00:17:36,709
Yeah!
470
00:17:36,710 --> 00:17:38,945
(Groaning)
471
00:17:38,946 --> 00:17:41,614
Touchdown... Army!
472
00:17:41,615 --> 00:17:43,516
Army!
473
00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:44,850
- Hey!
- Ooh!
474
00:17:44,851 --> 00:17:46,719
Yeah!
475
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,488
(Whistle blows) Oh, thank God.
476
00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:51,490
An inconsequential touchdown,
477
00:17:51,491 --> 00:17:53,960
and they're celebratingfor no reason.
478
00:17:53,961 --> 00:17:58,865
A horrific injury was sustained
by the coach in the baby-doll top.
479
00:17:58,866 --> 00:18:01,200
Ready? Got it. Lift. Lift. (Groans)
480
00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:02,635
I got to cut your
shirt off to get to your arm.
481
00:18:02,636 --> 00:18:04,503
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
482
00:18:04,504 --> 00:18:06,639
You're cutting. No!
483
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,542
(Crying and muttering)
484
00:18:09,543 --> 00:18:11,577
And now, part two of my triumph.
485
00:18:11,578 --> 00:18:13,579
We reunite a boy with his father.
486
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,081
(Laughing) Actually, actually, uh,
487
00:18:15,082 --> 00:18:17,016
since the whole reunion
we promised you is not gonna...
488
00:18:17,017 --> 00:18:19,986
Ladies and gentlemen,
McAlligator has invited
489
00:18:19,987 --> 00:18:21,254
some lucky kids
490
00:18:21,255 --> 00:18:24,390
to join him for the punt,
pass and kick competition.
491
00:18:24,391 --> 00:18:27,088
Up first... Sam Stone!
492
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:27,560
(Gasps) Derrick: Randy, Rand...
493
00:18:27,561 --> 00:18:30,263
No. No! No!
494
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:32,702
No! Randy!
495
00:18:32,703 --> 00:18:35,112
Let's start the punt, pass
and kick competition!
496
00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:37,709
Now watch closely for a special surprise.
497
00:18:37,710 --> 00:18:40,800
Randy, no! No! Abort! Abort!
498
00:18:40,801 --> 00:18:43,803
Is this it? So Brandon's just gonna come up
behind him and tap him on the shoulder?
499
00:18:43,804 --> 00:18:46,440
That would be amazing, wouldn't it? But...
500
00:18:46,441 --> 00:18:48,675
Is that not what's gonna happen?
501
00:18:48,676 --> 00:18:49,641
(Sighs)
502
00:18:49,642 --> 00:18:51,963
Listen, I'm sorry,
okay, but-but Brandon...
503
00:18:52,446 --> 00:18:53,680
Hey.
504
00:18:55,283 --> 00:18:56,316
Brandon's...
505
00:18:56,317 --> 00:18:59,186
- Sam!
- Dad!
506
00:18:59,187 --> 00:19:00,387
(Gasps) Right there!
507
00:19:00,388 --> 00:19:01,855
Whoa! That was a surprise.
508
00:19:01,856 --> 00:19:04,291
Hi. Ah!
509
00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:06,424
Welcome home, Sergeant Stone!
510
00:19:06,425 --> 00:19:07,594
(Sighs) (Sighs)
511
00:19:07,595 --> 00:19:09,596
Love you.
512
00:19:11,365 --> 00:19:11,866
(Crying)
513
00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:14,264
Daddy, why didn't you love me better?
514
00:19:14,265 --> 00:19:15,986
Oh, God, my uterus hurts.
515
00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:17,674
My uterus hurts, too!
516
00:19:17,675 --> 00:19:20,373
(All crying)
517
00:19:20,374 --> 00:19:22,709
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
518
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:24,978
Oh! Okay. (Whoops)
519
00:19:26,214 --> 00:19:27,781
(Whooping)
520
00:19:27,782 --> 00:19:28,782
Here you go, bud.
521
00:19:28,783 --> 00:19:30,016
Hi. Hi.
522
00:19:31,652 --> 00:19:33,687
And there's another surprise.
523
00:19:33,688 --> 00:19:35,122
Hi. Hi.
524
00:19:35,123 --> 00:19:38,358
Just reunited my girlfriend
with her ex-husband.
525
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:39,526
Yeah, you did.
526
00:19:39,527 --> 00:19:40,894
Oh.
527
00:19:40,895 --> 00:19:42,162
Come here.
528
00:19:42,163 --> 00:19:44,030
(Cheering)
529
00:19:44,031 --> 00:19:46,123
Love is your parachute, Derrick!
530
00:19:46,124 --> 00:19:49,002
Remember that, buddy! Ripcord, whee!
531
00:19:49,003 --> 00:19:50,504
(Clears throat)
532
00:19:50,505 --> 00:19:52,139
Oh.
533
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:53,473
This...
534
00:19:53,474 --> 00:19:55,542
This is Derrick. Hey.
535
00:19:55,543 --> 00:19:58,578
Hi. Thank you so much, man.
This is... this is amazing.
536
00:19:58,579 --> 00:19:59,713
Hey, I'm sorry about the bus.
537
00:19:59,714 --> 00:20:03,272
I hopped off at the mall to grab a camera.
Doing a Disney trip for Sam's birthday.
538
00:20:03,273 --> 00:20:06,520
- Got to capture the memories, you know?
- Blink, and they're gone, you know?
539
00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:07,127
(Laughs)
540
00:20:07,128 --> 00:20:08,946
Come on, buddy. Let's go play. Come on.
541
00:20:11,159 --> 00:20:12,470
Are you okay?
542
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,161
Am I?
543
00:20:14,162 --> 00:20:16,129
Oh.
544
00:20:23,071 --> 00:20:26,039
(Mewing)
545
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,174
(Hissing)
546
00:20:27,175 --> 00:20:30,811
(Laughing)
547
00:20:34,482 --> 00:20:37,251
So, I got you a gift for all your help.
548
00:20:37,252 --> 00:20:39,553
We got you a gift.
549
00:20:39,554 --> 00:20:40,821
Fine. We.
550
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:42,656
Remember that box of tapes
that mom sent Pete?
551
00:20:42,657 --> 00:20:44,124
Is this me humping my sleeping bag?
552
00:20:44,125 --> 00:20:46,693
'Cause I'd really prefer
not to see that again.
553
00:20:46,694 --> 00:20:49,429
Tragically, Pete recorded over that
with an episode of Nash Bridges.
554
00:20:49,430 --> 00:20:50,462
Love that show.
555
00:20:50,463 --> 00:20:54,168
But, this, uh... I think this
is gonna be up your alley.
556
00:20:56,271 --> 00:20:58,505
(Clears throat)
557
00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:05,045
(Laughing)
558
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:15,434
You see, you might not remember it, but...
559
00:21:15,435 --> 00:21:17,024
you were there.
560
00:21:21,894 --> 00:21:23,973
Best soldier-reunion ever.
561
00:21:26,298 --> 00:21:28,083
Thanks, brothers.
562
00:21:28,084 --> 00:21:31,584
Sync and corrections by brayanatsix
www.addic7ed.com
563
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,099
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
564
00:21:35,149 --> 00:21:39,699
Repair and Synchronization by
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