All language subtitles for Empty Nest s02e09 Greerry.eng

okay, Laverne,
come on... who's next?

Your neighbor Charley dietz
wants to see you.

He's in room 1.

Why isn't he
in the waiting room?

Because he got into a fight
over the Lincoln logs

with Billy WASSERMAN.

All right...

All right, Charley, come on.
Let's go.

What do you want?

I need a medical excuse
to get out of jury duty.

I think my spleen's enlarged.

Charley, your spleen is
down here.

Well, it's worse than I thought.

Charley, you're wasting
your time.

I'm not giving you
a medical excuse.

Nuts! Looks like I'm gonna
have to go with plan "b."

What's that?

Fake my own death.

Sign this form, Harry,
and I'm history.

Charley, how'd you get
your hands

on a death certificate?

Had a late date
with a coroner's daughter.

Those things were scattered
all over that metal table.

All right, Charley, out!

Come on. Please!

We've got people here
to deal with. Go. Go.

Boy, whatever happened
to respect for the dead?

Terrence Fletcher, room two.

Okay.

Gimme back my Lincoln logs!

In your dreams, WASSERMAN.

Hi, Terrence. Oh, Andrew.

Nice. Hi.

So what can I do for you today?

Dr. Weston, Terrence hasn't
been sleeping at night.

He's convinced there are
monsters under his bed.

We've tried everything.

We even sawed the legs
off his bed.

Apparently,
that just flattens their heads

and makes them angrier.

Yeah. The only person
I ever heard of

who could make them go away
was Ricky the raccoon.

Who's Ricky the raccoon?

Well, Ricky lived
hundreds of years ago,

but he had a problem
similar to yours.

Every night when he went to bed,

the monsters would appear
in his room

and do their evil dance.

See, daddy?
I told you they did that.

Apparently, you were right, son.

Anyway... anyway, one night,

after Ricky had waxed
all the floors,

the monsters came out
to do their awful dance,

but they started slipping
and sliding

and falling all over each other

so that Ricky,
in spite of himself,

I mean, he started to smile,
then he started laughing.

And the monsters
got very frightened

because they'd never
heard laughter before.

And they ran away
as fast as they could,

and never came back.

Wow!

Yeah, you know, there are
still some people today

who think that if a monster
is bothering

a little boy or a little girl,

that Ricky the raccoon
will show up out of nowhere

with that little blue t-shirt

with "smile" written
right across it.

I don't know...

Dad, look! It's Ricky!

It can't be! It is! It's Ricky!

Ricky... this is amazing.

You take him home with you,
keep him by your bed.

That way you'll be
protected from monsters forever.

- Thanks.
- Go on, son, I'll be right out.

Boy, I never knew that
would ever happen here.

Dr. Weston...
That was quite a story.

Well...

No, no, no.
I know about these things.

I'm a publisher.

My company puts out
the jumpy the frog series.

You know, jumpy's
first day at school,

jumpy goes to
a new neighborhood.

No, they're classics.

Well, now we want
to do a new one called

jumpy goes to the hospital.

Dr. Weston, how would you like
to write it?

Me?

Yeah. Who better
than a pediatrician?

After hearing about
Ricky the raccoon,

it's obvious you have a gift
for storytelling.

Well, I don't know
that it's a gift.

Well, no, I guess
it would be a gift.

All we have to do now
is settle on a dollar figure.

No, no, no, no, no.
If I do this,

it wouldn't be for the money.

Okay, hey, what if
you were to donate

your salary
to your favorite charity?

That's very interesting,
because, you know,

the children's wing
in our hospital,

it could use a new playground.

Deal.

- Deal!
- Deal!

- All right.
- We'll do it.

Good. I'll call you
with all the details.

Okay. All right.
This is gonna be fun.

- Okay. Thank you.
- Laverne...

I'm gonna be an author.

I'm gonna write
jumpy goes to the hospital.

Jumpy the frog?

Didn't he have a hard time
adjustin'

to that new neighborhood?

Now he's going to the hospital?

Why do bad things always happen
to good frogs?

Listen, Laverne, you will
clear all my lunch hours

'cause, you know, I'm gonna
need that time for writing.

So what, now I'm working
for the new Dr. Seuss?

Laverne, nobody will ever
replace Dr. Seuss.

Although, if you ask me,

he's been coasting since
horton hears a who.

Hey, daddy.
Ooh, your new computer!

Great. Does it have any games?

Sweetheart,
this is not a toy, now.

This is here solely to help me
in the writing process.

Oh, here come three trolls,
and a dragon ate my laser!

Daddy, the computer!
Oh, I envy you.

Writing a book is so exciting.

So I bought you a present
to celebrate your first day

as a great American author...
A writing jacket.

Oh, honey, I love it!
Isn't that so good.

But listen, I'm just
a pediatrician

writing a little kids' book.

I'm not gonna let it
go to my head.

Shouldn't there be
elbow patches?

I've seen pictures of writers.

They all have elbow patches!

Hi, people. Carol.

Harry, I wanted to thank you

for not declaring me
legally dead.

Daddy, why not?

At the very least,
he's brain-dead.

Yesterday, I was ready
to duck out of doing my part

for the American
judicial system.

But thanks to you, Harry,
I realized it's my duty

to be an integral part
of the right of every man

to have a fair trial.

Who's the lady, Charley?

"- 5'5" blonde.
Better-than-average nose job.

I thought everyone
was entitled to a trial

by a jury of their peers,

not 11 peers and a moron.

Very funny, Carol.

What's a peer?

Carol, you're not being fair.

I'm a cop. I see lots of juries.

I'm sure Charley's not gonna
be the only moron.

Thank you, Barbara.

Barbara, I think
we should get out of here

and let daddy work...
He has a book to write.

Carol, it's okay.
It's just a little kids' book.

It's short. I've got
two weeks to write it.

Besides, I've got it all
right up here.

Ideas, come on, come on!
I know you're in there.

Come out!

Okay, here we go.

Five, four, three, two...

Nothing?

Daddy, what's going on
down here?

I've been trying to write
jumpy goes to the hospital

for a week, and I cannot even
get him past admittance!

You're pushing too hard.
You just need to relax.

The ideas will come.

- You really think so?
- I'm sure of it.

I guess you're right.

I mean, I must have
the right instincts.

I mean, that Ricky
the raccoon story

had to come from somewhere.

Yeah, it did. From grandma.

Grandma?

Yeah. Remember when
we were little

and scared of monsters?

Grandma would always tell us
the Ricky the raccoon story.

Great. Not only was
the story not mine,

I stole it from my own mother!

I can't do this!

Carol, I'm gonna have to
call the publisher tomorrow

and tell him
I'm off the project.

Daddy, wait. Now, what if
I helped you with the book?

I have all kinds of ideas,

and I really think I could
get inside this frog's head.

Oh, daddy, please.
I really want to do this.

You got it, partner.

Oh, this is gonna be
so much fun working together.

Let's start right away.

Okay? Okay, jumpy...

Jumpy... Jumpy's going
to the hospital.

He's going to need an illness.

I've got it. Lyme disease.

It's current,
and it can be deadly.

Okay, daddy, now tell me
what you think of this.

"Ouch!

"Yes, jumpy,
that needle does hurt.

"But the medicine released
into your bloodstream

"will stop that infection
from spreading

to yet another organ."

Carol, dear, I don't think
we want to say that.

Well, daddy,
we can't lie to these kids.

Complete honesty is essential.

Okay, well, let's come back
to that.

What's next?

"Jumpy, you needed that shot

"because during the operation,

you aspirated
on your own vomit."

What an amazing day on the jury.

So, Charley,
what is this case about?

I don't know.

Mostly I've been trying
to catch the eye

of my lovely jury colleague,

but all she seems
to be interested in

is what this witness has to say,

and what that witness has
to say.

Charley, you've gotta
start paying more attention.

Yeah, that's what the guy
in the black robe said.

Hey, a quarter!

Sofa search finally paid off.

This'll come in handy
when I have to decide

"guilty or innocent?"

Guilty.

Daddy, listen to this.

"As jumpy's pain medication
slowly wears off,

"he realizes
his weak cries for help

"will not be heard.

And he must somehow reach
the red call button."

It might be a good time
to take a break.

Okay, but not too long,

or we'll have to notify
jumpy's next of kin. Ha!

Hey, daddy.
How's the book going?

The worst. The worst!

Carol and I have not come up
with one single usable thing,

and the book is due
in three days.

So tell the publisher
you can't do it.

I can't. The children's wing

already started construction
on the playground.

I'm just gonna have
to tell Carol

that it's not working out,

and somehow finish this thing
on my own.

Daddy, it shouldn't be
this hard.

It's about a frog that goes
to the hospital, right?

Yeah.

Well, what if the frog is lost,

and he jumps on a Lily pad

that happens to be a part
of the hospital?

And as he jumps
from Lily pad to Lily pad,

he learns that
the hospital isn't

such a scary place after all.

That's a great idea!

Why didn't you
mention this sooner?

I just thought of it.

Just like that? Right there?

- Yeah.
- Without a computer?

Yeah.

Carol and I could have
never come up

with something like that.

I have the perfect plan, dear.

How would you like to be
my new writing partner?

What about Carol?

I said it was perfect.

I didn't say there wouldn't be
any bloodshed.

So, sweetheart, come on.

Will you help me write the book?

Daddy, I would love to
help you write the book,

but what about Carol?

You know how much
this means to her.

It'll kill her...
And then she'll kill me.

You could end up
on current affair.

Honey, I think you may be
underestimating your sister.

I mean, she told me herself

while we were working
on the book

that complete honesty
is essential.

Daddy. Daddy,
I know we're on a break,

but while I was in the bathroom,

a great idea occurred to me.

I think on the title page,
I'll use my full name.

Carol Olivia Weston.

It sounds more authory.

Good luck.

Carol, sweetheart,
sit down, and let's talk.

Now, remember before,
when I was kind of

resisting you a little bit
on, you know,

jumpy getting such
a really painful shot?

And you were saying
how very important it is

to be honest and truthful.

Yeah, yeah, daddy.
I'm glad you brought that up

because I realized
I was wrong about that.

You were?

Yeah, well, there are times
in life

when you are better off
not knowing the truth.

So I'm thinking, what if when
jumpy the frog gets his shot,

he doesn't say "ouch"?

He just gives a little grimace,

and then they wheel him
into post-op, huh?

What do you think?

It's like you're
reading my mind.

Break's almost over.

I'll go get us some munchies.

Bye, Harry.

Charley, what are you doing
upstairs in my house?

Hey, don't jump all over me.

I was just taking
one of your jackets.

What?

I wouldn't be doing this
if it wasn't

a very important occasion.

Tomorrow we start
jury deliberations,

and guess who's foreman.

Oh, my god, you?

No. The babe.

I'm scoring some big points
with this lady.

Yesterday we made
some heavy eye contact

while some guy was
throwing himself

on the mercy of something.

The court?

Sure. Why not?

Anyway, the deliberations
will be the clincher.

When I raise my hand
to say guilty... Or not guilty...

Whatever she says...

She'll soon find herself
appealing

in the supreme court of love.

Charley, wait a minute.
Listen to me, please.

For once in your life,

try to take something seriously.

Come on, a man's fate
is in your hands.

Charley, I know even you
have a sense of justice

and integrity deep down inside.

I know it may be hard
to find it.

It might take men
with flashlights and ropes...

But I know it's in there.
I know that.

Now, Charley, tomorrow,
when you're in that jury room,

I want you to think about that.

What?

That's fine, Charles.

Good night. Good luck.

Okay, okay, I'm sure.

There is no reason Carol needs
to know we're doing this.

Right. Now, let's work.

Fine, yeah.
I'm gonna stop feeling guilty.

There is nothing
to feel guilty about.

There is no guilt.
Absolutely no guilt at all.

All right, fine. No,
as far as I'm concerned,

we're not doing
anything wrong here.

Close the door, for god's sake!

What's with him?

All I know is it's not guilt.

- Here's your lunch.
- What are we having?

Guilt burgers. Cheeseburgers!

I don't think I can eat.
Laverne, tell me the truth.

Do you think
I did the right thing?

I don't know.

I'd ordered the fillet of fish.

No, no, no, no,
I'm talking about

not telling Carol...

At first, I thought you's wrong,

stabbin' your own daughter
in the back and all. But,

when I's in the parking lot,

I run into miss posey,
from the children's wing.

They've almost finished
that new playground,

and she was plumb weepy
tellin' me

how grateful to you they were.

Oh, okay, so you think
I've done the right thing.

I didn't say that.

You think I've done
the wrong thing?

I didn't say that either.

What do you think?

I think your guilt burger's
getting cold.

Obviously, I haven't
kept my feelings a secret

about this case.

As far as I'm concerned,
Brian Walker is guilty.

The guy's a worm.
Let's hang him high!

So let's get right down to it

and see where we all stand.

All who feel he's guilty,
please raise your hands.

Mr. Harrison?

I'm still troubled
by one little thing.

It's possible
his business partner was lying.

Are you kidding?

That sweet old woman
with the Bible?

That was the bailiff!

Look, if 11 other people
heard the same evidence I did,

and it doesn't bother them,
I'm not gonna stand in the way.

Guilty.

Well, that makes it unanimous.

We have a conviction.

Thanks to all of you,
Mr. Walker will be taken

off the streets
and put into prison.

Prison? What'd he do?

Oh, my god.

Wait a second. Uh...
I need to say something.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I know for a fact

that justice was not
served here today.

While you've been sitting
in that courtroom

and debating the merits
of this case,

I've been trying to get
my wallet out of my back pocket

by flexing the muscle
in my right buttock.

Members of the jury,
I am an incompetent.

I am a varicose vein
on the leg of lady Liberty.

I should be discredited,
I should be disqualified.

If there is, in fact,
justice in this land,

I should be kicked off
this jury.

"And jumpy hippity-hopped
back to his Lily pad..."

"A happier and healthier frog,

thanks to his visit
to the hospital."

Ah, now we finally get
to type those two words

I thought I would never see...

The...

End.

We did it! All right! Oh...

Daddy, I couldn't wait
to tell you.

I have the best idea for...
What is going on here?

My sister...

My father...

My book.

I am sick!

Carol, please, wait. Carol...

I don't want to talk about it.

Just stop. Wait a minute here!

I am the father of this family,

and you two girls
are gonna sit down

and listen to what
I have to say.

Why are you doing this to me?

I'm not the one
who lied and deceived.

Sweetheart,
you want to sit down?

Thank you.

All right, now, I owe
both you girls an apology.

Barbara, I'm sorry I made you an
accomplice to this whole thing.

Forgiven. Can I go now, daddy?

No.

Now, Carol, the last thing
I wanted to do was lie to you.

But also, at the same time,
the last thing I wanted to do

was hurt your feelings.

I had to make a choice.
I did what I thought was right.

All right, fine. You tell me

how I should have handled
this situation.

You should have been honest
with me.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I should have told you
from the very beginning

that our writing was
absolutely terrible,

and your sister is just
much better at it.

Oh, my god!

How can you say
something like that to me?

You just told me
to tell you the truth!

Well, I'm wrong a lot.

Okay, all's well that ends well!

I'll be upstairs.

No, you wait here.

Come on, this kind of thing is
gonna happen again, I know.

So no one's leaving this room
until we are clear

how we're gonna handle it.

I mean, you girls can't
have it both ways.

Now, what do you want?
Do you want honesty,

or do you want no hurt feelings?

Honesty.

Honesty's good.

Okay, fine, then that's it.
From now on, that's the rule.

Complete honesty down the line.
Nothing but the truth.

With the obvious exception
of this.

"Carol's a terrible writer"
thing.

All right, complete honesty
down the line

except for
the terrible writer thing.

And if you ever don't like
one of my dates,

and you don't feel like
telling me about it,

I have no problem with that.

All right, fine. Then we'll have

complete honesty down the line

except for
the terrible writer thing

and the bad date thing.

And you know how sensitive I am

about the way I look.

And if I ever don't remember
to clean up...

stop! You're putting me
in a no-win situation.

I mean, how can I possibly know

whether it's an honesty thing,

or one of your exception things?

Well, daddy,
that's a father's job.

She's right, daddy.

Great. Perfect.

You know, jumpy, hey...

He thought he had a tough time.

Moving into a new neighborhood,
going to the hospital.

He should try having daughters.

Jumpy has daughters.
Now, there's a book

somebody really ought to write.

Mail's here. Daddy.

Carol. And this one's for me.

"Occupant."
- Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

I'll take that.
No, you won't. I'm occupant.

- Since when?
- Daddy.

Wait a minute, look, look.
Here's one for "resident"!

Now, Carol's the oldest...
She's occupant.

And you're...
Barbara, you're the resident.

Ah, look! From the publisher!

Jumpy goes to the hospital.

Please, don't remind me.

Daddy, we finally
stopped fighting about that.

You sure you want
to bring it up again?

Well, I think
there's something in here

that might interest a couple
of ladies in this house.

"Dedicated to my daughters,
Barbara and Carol,

"in no particular order,

"each with her own
special gifts.

They are the most important
chapters in my life."

Oh, daddy, that's so sweet.

How come she got to
read it out loud?

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