Original subtitles

Life goes on

and so do we

just how we do it is no mystery

Sometimes the answer can be hard to find

That's something I will never be

I'm always here

for anything that you need

rain or shine

I'll be the one

to share it all

as life goes on

yeah, dreyfuss, hurry.

There we go. That's my good boy.

That's my dreyfuss. All right, dreyfuss, out!

Dreyfuss, I know you have to go.

You have not been out since last night.

You have an extraordinary bladder.

I like that in a dog.

I like that in me.

Please, dreyf, you have to go!

Go!

Fine. Don't go. See if I care.

Oh, dreyfuss.

You know, for your information,

some animals can get their own food.

You should see what monkeys can do.

They take care of their handicapped.

They're like nurses with tails.

Well, you know what I mean.

Come on, we're gonna eat now, right?

You gonna eat for Harry this morning?

Have a little breakfast for us, huh?

Huh?

Dreyfuss, what is that look?

Libby is dead, which means I don't have a wife.

You don't have lamb chops.

So, yeah, she spoiled you rotten, dreyfuss.

Hey!

Dr. Weston.

Hi, Emily, baby. How are you?

Midterms over?

Ha. I bet that's a relief.

So it's sunny up there in New York, huh?

But Willard Scott had a big sun over New York.

How could it be raining?

Yeah, well, if Willard would spend a little less time

on the date nut cake from Vermont,

a little more time on the maps...

I-I don't know what you wear to the opera, dear.

I've never been to the opera.

Don't worry. I can find out about these things.

I will ask your sisters.

I will get you the latest in opera wearing information.

Okay?

Love you too, baby.

Bye.

The opera, dreyfuss, the opera.

What do you wear to the opera if you're a 19-year-old girl?

You never were a morning person, were you, dreyfuss?

So, Rocco...

You did swallow your mother's ring.

- Sapphire ring. - Well, don't worry, kiddo.

It's not gonna hurt. Him? What about me?

3 carats surrounded by diamonds.

Now, we can get the ring, and it won't hurt.

When? I have a function night.

Uh, so Rocco, what happened?

Were you playing with the ring?

And were afraid your mother would catch you...

- Exactly. - Is your name Rocco?

Now, listen, your throat is fine,

your insides are fine. You know what's gonna happen?

It'll just come out the other end.

In the front door...

Out the back door.

When exactly?

Call roto-rooter, okay?

Maybe they can hurry it along.

Well, it's just that I have this...

Function. I know.

Well, your function will have to wait for his function.

Mrs. fogal, dear, why don't you just wait outside for a minute?

I just want to have a little guy talk with Rocco.

Bye...

Your mother

is not getting a lollipop today.

So listen to me.

Now, from now on, you only swallow food, right?

Okay.

You still scared?

Now, listen, this is my home number.

You can call me if you need to talk.

- Okay? - Okay.

Good guy. Come here.

That phone number... Do not give it to your mother!

It's just for us. Time's up in here.

Haven't I told you to knock first?

Yeah. You got 25 phone calls to return.

The waiting room's so backed up we're out of toys.

Plus, the play-doh's gone hard.

I'm not working through my lunch again,

so you get a move on,

or you'll be doing this without a nurse.

You do know monkeys could be nurses.

Yeah, if most of them weren't doctors.

Laverne, what do you wear to the opera?

How the hell would I know? I'm from Arkansas.

Hi.

Got a minute? - 30 seconds.

- I wish I could fire you. - I wish I could quit!

What do you wear to the opera?

I don't go. Do we have a date tonight?

A ba... a date?

- Well, yes. - Runny nose, sore throat,

slight fever.

Well, keep him away from me. I don't want to catch it.

Eva, are you ki... are you crazy? Date? I don't date.

My wife just died.

Harry, we have been having dinner together

every Friday night for the past year.

If that's not dating, what is it?

Eating.

- Eating. - Right.

- We've just been eating. - And talking.

- I see. - A little walking.

- Right. - Sounds like dating.

Oh, my god, I feel awful.

My wife just died, and I'm dating.

Libby died 18 months ago, Harry.

Look, all I want to know is...

Are we eating together tonight?

Of course.

Great. See you at 7:30?

Okay.

You believe that? She thinks we've been dating.

In my town, we didn't have dating.

You washed your hair every Saturday night,

and then when you were 14, you married your cousin.

Oh, well!

This is nice.

Your refrigerator is a disgrace, daddy.

- Oh... - Everything in here

has a cartoon on the label.

There is not one piece of fruit, nothing fresh.

More importantly, what do you wear to the opera?

How would I know?

My ex-husband's idea of a night out

was not with me.

You want to come to my house tonight?

I'm making pasta. Sorry, dear, I can't.

- I have a date. - What?

Uh, you know Eva Barrett, the virologist.

You've been dating?

Well, I thought I'd been eating.

Who knew I was dating?

But mom just died.

Carol, it's been 18 months.

Eva Barrett is an awful woman.

She was coming on to you at the funeral.

You used to like Eva Barrett.

Until the funeral. I saw what she did.

She kissed you!

Marty spinetti kissed me too.

So far, we're not dating.

You're dating.

Come on, don't keep calling it dating.

We are friends. Carol, listen...

Hey, listen to me.

Aside from you and your sisters,

she is the only living, caring being in my life right now

who doesn't drink from a toilet.

- Well... - Yeah.

As long as you're not dating.

I mean, as long as you're friends.

That's what it is. Come on.

So speaking of dating, which I am not doing,

- how about you? - Dating?

I love it.

I get to do an impersonation of a perfect person.

I get to act much nicer than I really am...

Be fascinated at how their therapy is going

now that they're finally able to cry.

And throw my head back...

In laughter at their wit...

As I eat my blackened redfish.

Hey, neighbor.

Oh, darn, it's you. I'm out of here.

Hey, don't take it personally, Carol.

It's just I don't like the food you bring.

Your sister brings much better food.

You bring all this weird health stuff.

Look at this. Everything in here is green.

It's good for you.

I don't eat anything green, except gum.

You eat anything that's free.

You know, you got a personality problem, Carol.

Maybe that's why...

Maybe that's why, what?

I don't want to hurt you.

You can't hurt me.

Oh-ho-ho, please!

If I said to you maybe that's why your husband left you

for that adorable blond, um...

What's her name?

Rita.

Ho-ho-ho-ho, yeah!

Rita.

God, I never saw a body like that in my life!

I wanted to pray to her.

But I don't want to say that to you,

and, well, I never would, 'cause I'm a decent guy.

Bye-bye, daddy.

- You have fun tonight. - Thanks.

When do you sail next, Charley?

- Tuesday. - Sink.

That was great. Eva, that was just great.

So, Harry, you haven't told me.

How do you feel about dating?

Well, it's the same as eating, actually,

except you can't write it off.

Come on, Harry, you gotta admit it.

We have a really terrific relationship here.

Oh, we do, we do. We really do.

Ooh-hoo! Boy, what a clear night.

I think I can see Cuba!

We've known each other for 16 years.

We're both widowed. Have you ever been to Cuba?

I would love to go to Cuba.

I haven't had a decent cigar since the missile crisis.

Harry, we're not 25.

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

- Why don't we get married? - Ho-ho-ho...

Ah, yes. Married.

Yes.

This is our first date.

This is the first time I ever brought you flowers.

I mean, they're not even serious flowers

like long-stem roses.

There just happened to be a kid at the off ramp, you know?

Harry, we've been seeing each other for over a year,

and you didn't even know we were dating.

I want an answer soon.

Oh, well, what's soon?

Soon is by Monday.

That's soon, all right.

Because, Harry, if the answer is no...

I have to get on with my life.

Are you serious?

You mean if I say no, you won't see me anymore?

Mm. I'm crazy about you.

But I got to get on with it.

Come... Uh, Eva, now, this is...

This is nuts!

I mean, uh, marriage. It's so fast.

One date, a few carnations, blue ones...

You know.

We haven't had sex. I mean, we haven't even kissed.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, you.

Where have you been?

I've been calling you for two days.

I was getting very worried.

Oh, my god, two whole days?

Daddy, I was on a stakeout.

I love hearing that... "my daughter's on a stakeout."

I cannot tell you what a nice effect that has on my heart.

Relax. It's a piece of cake.

Barbara, please, you're dealing with bad guys,

crazed men who don't care what happens to you

as long as they get what they want.

Those are the guys I date, daddy.

Oh...

Why are you a cop?

Because I like running in and out of buildings.

You ask me that every time you see me.

Because I think someday soon

I might get an answer that makes some sense.

You used to want to be a ballerina.

I bought you toe shoes!

I outgrew them.

I like what I do, daddy.

It's important work, and I'm very good at it.

Doughnuts for a change.

Why don't you just take out your gun and shoot him?

Makes too much noise.

Come on, you can have one.

A doughnut once in a while will not kill you.

- I'm a doctor. - I can't.

I just found out my talking scale has been lying to me.

You have a talking scale?

It's great company.

I get on it.

It says, "your weight is 115 pounds."

Have a good day."

I mean, what man in my life is that nice to me?

So I've been having very good days

thinking I weigh 115 pounds.

But I don't. I never did.

And it probably knew it the whole time.

So how'd you find out?

Did it snicker when you got off?

I got on a silent scale.

The thing is, you can't trust anything that talks.

First your husband, now your scale.

Listen, girls, I have an announcement to make.

- At least I had a husband. - Girls, listen...

it was just a joke, Carol.

Well, I'm sick of your jokes, Barbara.

Come on, play nice girls.

Especially the one when I was nine

and you told me I was adopted.

I was proposed, to last night.

I was four. How could you believe me?

- You crossed your heart. - I didn't cross my heart!

You were what?

Proposed to, you know, like in marriage.

Daddy...

That's great. Are you out of your mind?

- Who is it? - Eva Barrett.

Eva's wonderful. That's great.

Everything's always great with her.

It's sick.

The whole time we were growing up, she was that way.

What way?

Perky, happy.

It's disgusting.

I mean, where is a little despair,

a little depression, for god's sake?

Read some dostoevsky.

Please!

Please, if she is happy, leave her alone.

I'm just trying to inject a little reality

into her life, daddy.

Oh, don't talk to me about reality.

I'm a cop.

I deal with the scum of the earth.

I see the most tragic, filthy, disgusting things in the world.

See that?

I got to go.

I've been up all night, and I have a date.

How can you have a date? You haven't been to bed yet.

I'm combining the two.

Oh, I hate...

You're upset.

No, I'm not upset.

- Why are you upset? - I am not upset.

Fine. Good. No. You're not upset.

You were never here,

and you're not going to be here now.

What do you mean I was never here?

You weren't. There were always sick kids.

My entire life I competed with sick kids.

On my birthday, there were sick kids.

On parents' day, there were sick kids.

On the Halloween I was a banana,

you promised you'd be there.

You said, "no sick kids are gonna keep me away"

from my little banana."

Remember?

Not those exact words.

I was a great banana.

And I waited...

And waited...

And waited.

And you didn't come.

And you didn't see me.

I was the best banana, daddy.

I had a united fruit label on the side of my head.

Carol, it's not like I was out shooting pool

and getting drunk.

And mom was my best friend practically...

Someone I could really talk to.

And then she dies,

and my husband leaves me for a slut named Rita.

Well, you name a kid Rita,

you got a damn good chance of getting a slut.

And now you're thinking about getting married.

And there's no one.

There's just no one anymore.

Everyone's gone...

My husband...

My mother...

You.

Oh, god, I miss mom so much.

I want her back so bad.

The wrong parent died.

Ah, god, I wish I were dead and your mother were alive.

No, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes.

No, no.

Yes.

That's not what I meant.

I just...

I just meant...

I don't know.

I know, I know, I know. Look...

Just give me another chance, okay?

Let me try to do better, 'cause I really want to.

Okay.

Because I love you very much.

- I love you too, daddy. - Oh...

Is there anything I can catch in here,

any really bad stuff?

Hi.

How do you work in here?

You could kill the planet

with what you got going on in this place.

- What is this? - A new virus.

Oh! Pffft!

I could never work in here. I hate germs!

- So, Harry? - It's a miracle I'm a doctor

with the way I feel about germs.

I guess the answer is no.

- What answer? - Harry...

Ah, no, the answer. I know... the answer.

I feel like...

I know how this is gonna sound...

Crazy, probably, but...

I feel like I'd be...

Unfaithful to Libby.

Harry, it's been a while.

It's not a function of time, Eva.

It's the reflection of a relationship.

When Burt rollins' wife died,

he was looking for a date that night.

Three weeks later, he had a playboy bunny

and a prostate the size of the hindenburg.

Libby was my world, Eva.

And 18 months is like 18 days.

I don't know how long I'm gonna feel like this,

but right now...

She's still alive for me, and...

I'm not ready to be with anyone else.

I understand.

But I don't want to lose you as a friend.

You'll miss the meals?

No. I'll miss you.

You're not such a great cook.

Oh, Harry, as long as I keep seeing you,

no one else will ever measure up,

and I will wind up alone.

So...

That's it?

Yes.

Yes.

Eva, listen,

I...

I left my tennis racket in the trunk of your car.

Uh, keep it. It's... it's a big one.

It's like hitting the ball with a trampoline.

I am sorry.

I'm gonna miss you a whole lot.

Well...

I guess I'll see you around.

Good-bye, Harry.

Dreyfuss, come on.

Answer the phone. You live here too.

Hello. Hi, Emily, baby!

Oh, I'm doing just great.

I got the opera-wearing information.

You ready?

Poof dresses... The latest thing.

I don't know how you sit in them,

but that's what they're all wearing.

The style came from France. I'm sure they don't wear them.

They just invented them to torture Americans.

Okay. All right, you're welcome.

I love you too. Bye.

Dreyfuss...

My big dreyfuss. Oh, dreyfuss.

How are you, dreyfuss?

How are you? Hi, baby.

Oh, you're amazing. You know that?

You're glad to see me every minute of my life.

I come home, you jump around and wag your tail.

I go in the closet, I come out,

you jump around and wag your tail.

I turn my face away, I turn it back,

you wag your tail.

Either you love me very much

or your short-term memory is shot.

Give me a kiss!

I love you, dreyfuss. I love you!

Come on.

I'll sit with you while you eat.

Yeah.

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