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1
00:00:01,429 --> 00:00:04,584
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:06,355 --> 00:00:09,560
(indistinct conversations)
3
00:00:12,557 --> 00:00:13,791
(clears throat)
4
00:00:13,843 --> 00:00:15,843
Are you the one they call
"the Wiper"?
5
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,287
Depends.
6
00:00:17,367 --> 00:00:19,527
Are you Chris Monsanto...
the marshal?
7
00:00:19,576 --> 00:00:22,450
Oh. Easy, fella.
Former marshal, okay?
8
00:00:22,468 --> 00:00:25,529
I'm on the run now. I need one
of your world-famous wipes.
9
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,651
Need a new name, new social,
the works
10
00:00:27,707 --> 00:00:31,125
Yeah, I could wipe you, every
which way, including loose.
11
00:00:31,411 --> 00:00:34,578
But ass, glass, or past,
I do not wipe for free.
12
00:00:34,726 --> 00:00:36,958
Did you just say that
you wipe ass for money?
13
00:00:37,060 --> 00:00:38,926
I ain't proud of some of the
stuff I've wiped.
14
00:00:38,926 --> 00:00:40,246
Even the Wiper's got to eat...
15
00:00:40,339 --> 00:00:42,166
Then make, then self-wipe,
16
00:00:42,236 --> 00:00:43,962
then charge myself top dollar.
17
00:00:44,064 --> 00:00:46,831
I know what you're thinking--
I'm paying Peter to wipe Paul.
18
00:00:46,901 --> 00:00:48,311
But I got plans.
19
00:00:48,451 --> 00:00:50,295
Do you know any other wipers
around here?
20
00:00:50,335 --> 00:00:51,724
All right, all right.
Look,
21
00:00:51,797 --> 00:00:53,797
if I'm gonna set you up
with a new identity,
22
00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:55,850
first we need to fake your death,
23
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:57,315
which means we need a body.
24
00:00:57,416 --> 00:01:00,237
- I see. The old corpus Chrissy, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
25
00:01:00,314 --> 00:01:01,889
Okay. Well, do you think
you can find a body
26
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,900
to match this tub of guts
right here?
27
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,839
Yeah, I can get something
like that. For 10 grand.
28
00:01:06,971 --> 00:01:08,531
Okay, give it up.
29
00:01:08,982 --> 00:01:12,184
- Okay.
- Give me a few minutes.
30
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,824
(grunts)
(gunshot)
31
00:01:25,481 --> 00:01:27,481
I think that was
probably for the best.
32
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,581
That guy seemed to have
a lot of issues.
33
00:01:29,616 --> 00:01:31,956
- Freeze!
- Oh, crap. Haul balls, kid!
34
00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:34,847
Oh! Ow!
Ow! My...
35
00:01:34,924 --> 00:01:36,710
All right, yes, okay.
36
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,877
Yeah, and then
you twist the arm...
37
00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:41,654
Your record shows a lifetime
38
00:01:41,707 --> 00:01:43,965
of insanely violent behavior.
39
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,819
You are a blight
on decent society.
40
00:01:47,242 --> 00:01:49,819
Before I impose
the harshest sentence
41
00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:51,419
my authority will allow
42
00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:53,218
do you have anything
to say about
43
00:01:53,296 --> 00:01:55,532
yourself and your wasted life?
44
00:01:56,139 --> 00:01:57,579
I do, your honor.
45
00:01:58,571 --> 00:02:00,334
Yes, it's true --
46
00:02:00,842 --> 00:02:02,534
I'm a violent man.
47
00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:06,309
But I'm that way for one reason
and one reason alone --
48
00:02:07,115 --> 00:02:09,657
because America demands it.
49
00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:13,279
That's right -- America.
50
00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:14,825
Forever egging me on,
51
00:02:14,905 --> 00:02:17,229
insisting on more brutality.
52
00:02:17,340 --> 00:02:20,171
And that is why it should not
be me on trial here today
53
00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:23,307
but America itself!
(spectators gasp)
54
00:02:23,386 --> 00:02:25,470
You couldn't keep your mouth shut,
could you, Chris?!
55
00:02:25,492 --> 00:02:27,045
- Calm down.
- Take a seat, sir.
56
00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:30,993
You all saw that, right?
He hit me! Self-defense!
57
00:02:31,074 --> 00:02:33,260
- America, don't!
- Stand back! I'll shoot!
58
00:02:33,310 --> 00:02:34,996
Now you're gonna let me
get out of here,
59
00:02:35,074 --> 00:02:38,091
or everyone's favorite ex-marshal
gets a bullet to the brain,
60
00:02:38,254 --> 00:02:40,412
and I ain't talkin' about
the pretty kind!
61
00:02:40,615 --> 00:02:41,711
(laughing)
62
00:02:41,779 --> 00:02:43,779
Where are we going?
Where are you taking me?
63
00:02:43,847 --> 00:02:46,890
We're going on a little adventure,
just you and me pal.
64
00:02:46,971 --> 00:02:49,387
Oh, look -- here comes our ride.
65
00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:53,112
Out of the car, asshole!
Come on! Outskie!
66
00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:54,518
I-I got a wife and kids.
67
00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:56,611
On your knees, beg me please.
68
00:02:56,650 --> 00:02:59,746
I -- I... pledge allegiance...
to you...
69
00:02:59,784 --> 00:03:01,456
a-and to the Republic
for which you--
70
00:03:01,508 --> 00:03:02,682
(gunshot)
(laughing)
71
00:03:02,734 --> 00:03:05,350
Geez! Why did you do that?!
He had a wife and kids!
72
00:03:05,607 --> 00:03:07,103
Oh, yeah?
73
00:03:08,126 --> 00:03:10,059
Wife and kids, huh?
74
00:03:10,115 --> 00:03:11,896
Okay, but still...
I mean, come on.
75
00:03:11,949 --> 00:03:14,868
Get in the [bleep] car!
Come on! Drive, asshole!
76
00:03:14,941 --> 00:03:17,838
You know, I think it's the cussing
that really gets to me the most.
77
00:03:18,613 --> 00:03:20,748
On the go, time for some blow!
78
00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:23,329
(sniffs)
Oh, yeah!
79
00:03:23,442 --> 00:03:25,038
Now it's your turn, sugar buns.
80
00:03:25,103 --> 00:03:28,554
- No, thank you, I'm fine.
- Come on! Do it, you pansy!
81
00:03:29,306 --> 00:03:30,820
(sniffs)
(gunshot)
82
00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:32,870
(laughing)
83
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,220
Calm down, you baby.
It wasn't loaded.
84
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,207
You just shot it!
85
00:03:36,244 --> 00:03:39,403
Ooh, yeah! I can feel it
slippin' through my veins.
86
00:03:39,455 --> 00:03:40,646
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo!
87
00:03:40,697 --> 00:03:42,406
Can I tell you something?
You are sick.
88
00:03:42,434 --> 00:03:45,340
Yeah, sick of all this gravy
I got in my bag.
89
00:03:45,469 --> 00:03:47,799
So we're gonna make
a little pit stop.
90
00:03:47,876 --> 00:03:49,511
- Yeah? Where's that?
- To skeez house!
91
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,908
We're gonna stuff some Durma
92
00:03:50,937 --> 00:03:53,176
before we shuffle off
this mortal stinkbox.
93
00:03:53,203 --> 00:03:54,824
Now drive!
94
00:03:55,728 --> 00:03:56,562
Out!
95
00:03:56,855 --> 00:03:58,815
I don't want any skeez.
96
00:03:58,878 --> 00:04:01,097
Well, I ain't takin' no chances.
Now move!
97
00:04:01,212 --> 00:04:02,224
Geez.
98
00:04:03,213 --> 00:04:06,199
- Bonjour, skanks.
- Hi, America.
99
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,438
Is it time
for my Florida vacation?
100
00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:12,082
Not tonight, honey.
Is Cock-Eyed Jenny workin'?
101
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:12,931
Upstairs.
102
00:04:12,958 --> 00:04:15,666
Ladies, this here is Chrissy.
Treat him like a king.
103
00:04:15,729 --> 00:04:17,999
Rodney King!
He likes the rough stuff!
104
00:04:18,104 --> 00:04:20,731
Hey. I'll stomp on your yam bag
for a fiver.
105
00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:21,797
Ooh, good deal!
106
00:04:21,832 --> 00:04:23,832
Oh, dear Lord,
107
00:04:23,866 --> 00:04:26,384
you've delivered unto me
a sweet angel --
108
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:30,026
(sniffs) --with the breath of a goose
and a top shelf that won't quit,
109
00:04:30,131 --> 00:04:31,281
and it can't get fired.
110
00:04:31,384 --> 00:04:33,729
Unions -- what are you gonna do
about 'em? Got to live with them--
111
00:04:33,798 --> 00:04:35,064
Hey, honey--
hey, hey...
112
00:04:37,412 --> 00:04:38,752
Hiya, sugar dumps!
113
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:47,021
Cock-Eyed Jenny.
As I live and heave.
114
00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:50,897
America!
I haven't seen you for 15 years.
115
00:04:51,002 --> 00:04:52,205
Lost my number, did you?
116
00:04:52,368 --> 00:04:54,984
Has it really been that long, Ma?
117
00:04:55,105 --> 00:04:58,081
Aye, that it has, son.
What brings you back to me?
118
00:04:58,444 --> 00:05:00,655
Just wanted to say goodbye,
Ma.
119
00:05:00,859 --> 00:05:04,610
This time tomorrow, I'll probably
be selling lemonade in hell.
120
00:05:04,795 --> 00:05:06,543
- You're in trouble?
- Plenty.
121
00:05:06,621 --> 00:05:08,199
But all I'm sorry for
122
00:05:08,336 --> 00:05:10,863
is the trouble
I've caused you, Ma.
123
00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:12,850
There were a lot
of sleepless nights, 'merc.
124
00:05:13,307 --> 00:05:16,982
You sure are a sight
for sore eyes, Ma.
125
00:05:17,007 --> 00:05:18,890
And you for sore lips.
126
00:05:19,743 --> 00:05:22,479
(smooching)
127
00:05:23,469 --> 00:05:24,997
It's okay.
128
00:05:27,882 --> 00:05:30,347
(gunshot)
(groans)
129
00:05:30,952 --> 00:05:33,589
Sorry, Ma.
Couldn't have you squealin'.
130
00:05:33,979 --> 00:05:36,627
But before you die,
I gotsta know --
131
00:05:36,827 --> 00:05:38,557
who was my real pops?
132
00:05:38,656 --> 00:05:41,237
I wish I knew, son.
There were so many.
133
00:05:41,348 --> 00:05:43,717
(siren wails)
Cops! I hate cops!
134
00:05:43,854 --> 00:05:45,854
Smell you later, Ma!
135
00:05:46,783 --> 00:05:50,004
Oh, yeah, and if anybody asks,
a black guy shot you.
136
00:05:50,661 --> 00:05:53,653
Time to vamoose, Chrissy boy!
Let him go, gals!
137
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:56,572
Hey! Chop-Chop!
We got to pop this slop op!
138
00:05:56,641 --> 00:05:58,647
Excuse me.
I'm talking with Trish,
139
00:05:58,827 --> 00:06:00,773
the new love of
my soon-to-end life.
140
00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:02,614
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
141
00:06:02,703 --> 00:06:05,458
She's the tobacco-spitting image
of Brett's sister, Tess.
142
00:06:05,511 --> 00:06:06,738
Yeah, come on, Casa-no-nuts.
143
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,245
I'll take you away
from this horrible place, I promise.
144
00:06:09,348 --> 00:06:11,607
- I promise. Wait for me, okay?
- Sure.
145
00:06:12,088 --> 00:06:14,750
Oh, Trish.
Trish!
146
00:06:16,313 --> 00:06:18,255
Once we cross the border,
we're set.
147
00:06:18,257 --> 00:06:20,327
We'll head south and hit up my
buddy in Cabo --
148
00:06:20,439 --> 00:06:22,292
Sammy Hagar.
Good guy, good guy!
149
00:06:22,347 --> 00:06:24,116
- You know him? "Red Rocker"?
- Yeah.
150
00:06:24,423 --> 00:06:25,673
Not a fan.
151
00:06:25,704 --> 00:06:28,042
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
152
00:06:28,144 --> 00:06:29,075
(thuds)
153
00:06:30,092 --> 00:06:32,244
What the [bleep] you doing
stoppin' the car for?
154
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:34,724
(bell dinging)
Chris? Chris?
155
00:06:34,905 --> 00:06:37,456
Chris! Chris!
Child locks! No!
156
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,541
(metal crunching)
157
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:45,049
(grunting)
158
00:06:47,021 --> 00:06:49,697
Chris?
Chris?
159
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:51,526
He's gone.
160
00:06:51,856 --> 00:06:54,052
That son of a bitch went
Diamond Dave on me.
161
00:06:55,573 --> 00:06:57,088
All right! A farm house.
162
00:06:57,203 --> 00:06:59,355
Time to charm Old McDumbass.
163
00:07:04,101 --> 00:07:05,689
Excuse me, good sir.
164
00:07:05,814 --> 00:07:07,917
I happen to be
a traveling Bible salesman
165
00:07:07,965 --> 00:07:09,144
whose car broke down.
166
00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:10,867
Nice to meet ya.
167
00:07:12,643 --> 00:07:13,611
Where's yer Bibles?
168
00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:16,796
Uh, I sold them all.
I'm the best!
169
00:07:17,464 --> 00:07:18,541
Well...
170
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,172
Then that makes you
the second Bible salesman
171
00:07:22,204 --> 00:07:24,263
come by tonight
sayin' he's the best.
172
00:07:24,384 --> 00:07:25,267
Huh?
173
00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:27,592
Oh. Hello.
174
00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:29,819
I don't believe we've met.
175
00:07:32,469 --> 00:07:33,912
You boys hungry?
176
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:39,735
(slurping)
177
00:07:40,185 --> 00:07:42,185
What's your favorite passage?
178
00:07:42,635 --> 00:07:44,841
- I'm sorry, what?
- From the Book.
179
00:07:46,068 --> 00:07:49,150
Oh, the Book.
Right. Uh...
180
00:07:49,754 --> 00:07:51,651
Well, I guess I'd have
to say, um...
181
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:53,817
My favorite passage is, um...
182
00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:56,479
Jesus, I.
You know, where it all started.
183
00:07:57,687 --> 00:07:59,003
Hmm.
184
00:07:59,768 --> 00:08:01,088
And yours?
185
00:08:01,088 --> 00:08:03,346
You know, I sell them so fast,
I never get to read them.
186
00:08:03,393 --> 00:08:06,014
But I hear great things! Say,
what do you call this stuff, corn?
187
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:07,992
Uh-huh.
188
00:08:09,225 --> 00:08:10,786
If you'll excuse me.
189
00:08:12,483 --> 00:08:14,173
You boys ain't no
Bible salesmen.
190
00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:15,267
I don't know what you're up to,
191
00:08:15,309 --> 00:08:17,128
but you best get your scruds
on those plates
192
00:08:17,157 --> 00:08:18,139
before my husband gets back,
193
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,935
else things gonna
turn real bad real quick.
194
00:08:20,105 --> 00:08:21,317
Scruds? What?
195
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:23,753
Quit foolin'!
Plate them scruds! Now!
196
00:08:24,475 --> 00:08:26,895
I-- I-- I guess--
(unzipping)
197
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,825
- Excuse me.
- My sister's crazy!
198
00:08:29,937 --> 00:08:31,760
She makes me pretend to be her
husband.
199
00:08:31,818 --> 00:08:33,984
If you don't take them scruds
off them plates right now,
200
00:08:34,016 --> 00:08:35,599
her real husband's
gonna come back,
201
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,115
and it ain't gonna be pretty--
202
00:08:37,281 --> 00:08:40,071
Not as pretty as them scruds of
yours, I guarantee you that.
203
00:08:40,251 --> 00:08:42,626
What the hell are you
talking about?
204
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,241
Too late!
(gunshot)
205
00:08:44,313 --> 00:08:47,640
Who's been putting scruds
on my dining table?
206
00:08:49,201 --> 00:08:52,311
These hillbillies is nuts!
What do we do, Chris?
207
00:08:52,381 --> 00:08:53,303
Uh...
208
00:08:56,634 --> 00:08:57,776
Unh!
209
00:09:00,413 --> 00:09:01,594
(body thuds)
210
00:09:03,411 --> 00:09:06,736
You killed my brother-in-law,
scruds and all!
211
00:09:07,504 --> 00:09:10,672
Uh...
Oh, uh, heart!
212
00:09:13,396 --> 00:09:15,157
Thank you, boys!
213
00:09:15,402 --> 00:09:17,134
My nightmare's over.
214
00:09:17,351 --> 00:09:19,069
You're welcome
to stay the night
215
00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:24,689
- Hey, 'merc?
- Yeah, Chris?
216
00:09:25,242 --> 00:09:26,841
Thanks for saving me
in there.
217
00:09:26,985 --> 00:09:28,488
No worries, amigo.
218
00:09:28,575 --> 00:09:30,212
Tomorrow's a new day.
219
00:09:30,357 --> 00:09:33,402
And now to go kreplach steep
in lady sleep.
220
00:09:34,901 --> 00:09:36,634
(snoring)
221
00:09:37,270 --> 00:09:39,421
President Saul Rubinek?
222
00:09:39,699 --> 00:09:41,197
(sirens wail)
Cops!
223
00:09:41,282 --> 00:09:43,164
Police!
We have you surrounded!
224
00:09:43,194 --> 00:09:45,155
I can't go back to the joint
again! I can't!
225
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:48,476
Chris, I need you to do me a solid
and turn me into a liquid!
226
00:09:48,626 --> 00:09:50,626
- What?
- Death punch me, Chris!
227
00:09:50,886 --> 00:09:52,504
You know it's the only way!
228
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,189
Oh, no, no...
229
00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:55,842
Don't make me do that to you.
230
00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:58,478
Please, I'm nothing
but a stinkin' turd.
231
00:09:58,539 --> 00:10:00,962
The world will be better off
without me.
232
00:10:01,090 --> 00:10:04,115
Okay.
I'm gonna miss you, pal.
233
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,244
I'll miss you too, Chris.
234
00:10:10,556 --> 00:10:12,795
I'm coming, Ma!
235
00:10:12,968 --> 00:10:14,258
(eagle screeches)
236
00:10:21,736 --> 00:10:23,644
Did he fall for it?
Did he think it was the cops?
237
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,168
- Is he dead?
- I don't know, Susie.
238
00:10:25,197 --> 00:10:26,563
Why don't you take his pulse?
239
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:28,951
Whoa. Someone forgot to say
"marshmallow."
240
00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:30,479
Trish, you made it.
241
00:10:30,539 --> 00:10:31,998
Good thing I still had my sirens
242
00:10:32,060 --> 00:10:34,110
and that farmer let you call me
before America got here.
243
00:10:34,152 --> 00:10:37,325
- We should go thank him.
- He's probably... sleeping.
244
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,685
(groaning)
245
00:10:40,772 --> 00:10:42,219
(baby crying)
246
00:10:42,276 --> 00:10:44,910
Ah, it's a boy.
247
00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:46,764
We shall call it "America."
248
00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:49,255
(baby crying)
249
00:10:51,277 --> 00:10:53,538
Gentlemen
250
00:10:53,889 --> 00:10:56,693
I know you'll be back again
251
00:10:57,888 --> 00:11:00,506
And bring me the sweetness of
252
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:03,596
Your smile another day
253
00:11:06,549 --> 00:11:08,928
Laughing hard
254
00:11:09,387 --> 00:11:12,235
Warm kisses in the park
255
00:11:12,495 --> 00:11:15,416
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
256
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:20,016
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
18702
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