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1
00:00:02,671 --> 00:00:05,317
Chris: Ah, to Delray, a good marshal
2
00:00:05,318 --> 00:00:09,378
who was gunned down far too soon
in front of far too many other marshals
3
00:00:09,379 --> 00:00:11,589
who were standing around
doing nothing to help him.
4
00:00:12,455 --> 00:00:16,045
Lulu, how about another mug
of chili and a bowl of beer.
5
00:00:16,046 --> 00:00:17,296
Get that off my counter.
6
00:00:17,297 --> 00:00:19,845
Now, you know darn well your
money is no good here. [ Chuckles ]
7
00:00:19,846 --> 00:00:22,238
Brett: What do you
mean it's no good, Lulu?
8
00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:23,909
What is it, counterfeit?
9
00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:26,069
I looked up to you, Chris!
10
00:00:26,070 --> 00:00:27,693
Susie: Calm down, you dump.
11
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,107
She just means that Chris doesn't
have to pay for his drinks.
12
00:00:30,108 --> 00:00:31,265
Brett: Oh, how come?
13
00:00:31,266 --> 00:00:35,470
Oh, believe it or not, y'all, my
chili wasn't always world-famous.
14
00:00:35,471 --> 00:00:36,554
Mnh-mnh.
15
00:00:36,555 --> 00:00:41,719
See, one night about 15 years ago,
some trigger-happy son of a bitch
16
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,027
who fancied hisself a
gourmet took issue with it.
17
00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:46,608
This tastes like [bleep].
18
00:00:46,955 --> 00:00:48,816
You're gonna pay for what
you just did to my tongue.
19
00:00:48,817 --> 00:00:50,284
You're gonna pay for that chili!
20
00:00:50,285 --> 00:00:52,027
I ain't paying for [bleep].
21
00:00:52,028 --> 00:00:55,143
And I'd have been a goner, too,
if it hadn't been for Chris,
22
00:00:55,144 --> 00:00:57,316
who stepped in front
of that bullet for me.
23
00:00:57,317 --> 00:01:01,455
And when I realized I was
feeding world-class heroes, oh,
24
00:01:01,456 --> 00:01:03,878
I vowed to make them
some world-class chili.
25
00:01:03,879 --> 00:01:04,712
[ Chuckles ]
26
00:01:04,713 --> 00:01:08,116
Chris: And Lulu has promised
to tell me the recipe one day.
27
00:01:08,117 --> 00:01:13,596
Oh, now, Chris, like I said, it's a secret,
and if I tell you, I'd have to kill you.
28
00:01:13,597 --> 00:01:14,716
[ Laughter ]
29
00:01:14,717 --> 00:01:17,560
And then if I killed you, I'd
have to turn you into chili.
30
00:01:17,561 --> 00:01:19,522
[ Laughter ]
31
00:01:19,821 --> 00:01:22,040
Speaking of which, I am fresh out.
32
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,633
Yes, I am. We closed.
33
00:01:23,634 --> 00:01:26,717
Y'all go on home now, hear?
Go, go, go! [ Laughs ]
34
00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:28,695
Chris: Here, guys, help
me with this. Come on.
35
00:01:28,696 --> 00:01:30,636
Boy, she really wanted us
out of there, didn't she?
36
00:01:30,637 --> 00:01:32,750
I mean, when she closes
the place, it's closed.
37
00:01:32,751 --> 00:01:34,340
[ Tires screech ]
38
00:01:34,341 --> 00:01:35,835
Hey, marshals. [ Gun cocks ]
39
00:01:35,836 --> 00:01:37,679
Merry Christmas.
40
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,074
[ Tires squeal ]
41
00:01:42,075 --> 00:01:43,411
Chris: Wait a second.
42
00:01:43,586 --> 00:01:45,412
It's not Christmas.
43
00:01:47,085 --> 00:01:52,035
[ Gun cocks ] [ Tires screech ]
44
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:07,536
Uh, chief, I don't think
you' supposed to eat in here.
45
00:02:07,603 --> 00:02:08,602
Chief: Poppycock.
46
00:02:08,603 --> 00:02:12,514
Life is for the living, and
this is what living's all about.
47
00:02:13,688 --> 00:02:15,022
Chris: Okay.
48
00:02:15,578 --> 00:02:17,389
Chief: You wanted to see us, Carl?
49
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:18,773
Yeah.
50
00:02:18,979 --> 00:02:21,653
The report said they
suffered gunshot wounds.
51
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,029
We didn't find any.
52
00:02:23,030 --> 00:02:25,040
Chris: So what did they die of? Strokes?
53
00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:26,088
No.
54
00:02:26,089 --> 00:02:30,180
- A complete lack of internal organs.
- Chris: Come on. Please.
55
00:02:32,442 --> 00:02:35,742
You know, chief, this
isn't a body at all.
56
00:02:36,875 --> 00:02:37,994
Chief: You're right.
57
00:02:37,995 --> 00:02:39,449
It's a rubber dummy.
58
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,188
Well played, Carl.
59
00:02:41,189 --> 00:02:42,697
Prank of the week.
60
00:02:42,698 --> 00:02:44,493
I wish I could take the credit.
61
00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:46,452
This is what came in.
62
00:02:46,746 --> 00:02:49,296
Chris: They're stealing the bodies.
63
00:02:50,042 --> 00:02:51,823
Chief: Find them, Chris.
64
00:02:51,824 --> 00:02:54,386
Chris: If I have to slave away
night and day,
65
00:02:54,387 --> 00:02:57,827
I'll find who's stealing
our marshals' corpses.
66
00:02:57,828 --> 00:02:59,646
Chief: And fill out
the requisite paperwork.
67
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,189
Chris: I will, eh?
68
00:03:02,896 --> 00:03:04,459
Oh, oh. Thank you.
69
00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:06,698
Mm-hmm!
70
00:03:06,699 --> 00:03:08,551
Mmm!
71
00:03:08,552 --> 00:03:09,737
[ Stomps foot ]
72
00:03:09,738 --> 00:03:11,910
Chief: [ Laughs ]
73
00:03:24,009 --> 00:03:25,206
Susie: It was the Novato gang.
74
00:03:25,207 --> 00:03:26,312
Chris: Huh?
75
00:03:26,521 --> 00:03:27,957
Oh.
76
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,961
Okay. Uh... [ clears throat ]
77
00:03:29,962 --> 00:03:33,723
Well, I think it's about time we
give Gino Novato a thank-you note...
78
00:03:33,724 --> 00:03:35,111
Hand-delivered.
79
00:03:36,443 --> 00:03:38,125
But first, some chili.
80
00:03:40,131 --> 00:03:42,068
Take it easy there, Chris.
81
00:03:42,069 --> 00:03:44,350
That's your third one.
82
00:03:44,755 --> 00:03:49,879
So, tell me... what kind of crazy, mixed-up
marshal business you got going on tonight?
83
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,912
Chris: Well, keep it
under your hat, Lulu.
84
00:03:52,913 --> 00:03:55,239
I'm gonna kill Gino Novato.
85
00:03:55,537 --> 00:03:56,990
You don't say.
86
00:03:56,991 --> 00:03:59,066
About what time you gonna be doing that?
87
00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:01,792
Well, I just like to know what
time people do things 'round here.
88
00:04:01,793 --> 00:04:02,663
[ Chuckles ]
89
00:04:02,664 --> 00:04:04,006
Chris: Um, probably around 9:00.
90
00:04:04,007 --> 00:04:05,804
Well, you know where I'll be.
91
00:04:05,805 --> 00:04:07,975
- Home watching my shows.
- Chris: Oh, yeah.
92
00:04:07,976 --> 00:04:09,256
[ Both laugh ]
93
00:04:09,257 --> 00:04:10,163
You don't want to miss those.
94
00:04:10,164 --> 00:04:12,004
[ Both laugh ]
95
00:04:12,005 --> 00:04:13,132
Hey!
96
00:04:13,335 --> 00:04:15,319
Somebody dropped their
badge in my chili.
97
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,255
- Come on.
- I'm sorry, Chris.
98
00:04:17,256 --> 00:04:19,498
I guess I am getting old, huh?
99
00:04:19,499 --> 00:04:20,739
Chris: I guess we all are.
100
00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:23,385
[ Both laugh ]
101
00:04:24,337 --> 00:04:27,144
[ Coughs ]
102
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,851
Spare some change for a veteran?
103
00:04:31,788 --> 00:04:33,503
Here you go, old-timer.
104
00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:38,260
Well, if you can't spare any change...
105
00:04:38,476 --> 00:04:40,680
I can't spare you.
106
00:04:40,962 --> 00:04:41,947
[ Groans ]
107
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,137
[ Groans ]
108
00:04:44,194 --> 00:04:45,241
Chris: Sorry, guys.
109
00:04:45,242 --> 00:04:47,603
I didn't think you were actually
gonna give me anything.
110
00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:51,456
The sparrow flies by night.
111
00:04:51,953 --> 00:04:54,535
Susie: The owl watches the mice.
112
00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:57,121
Brett: The dog sits in the car.
113
00:04:57,883 --> 00:04:59,142
Chris: Over and out.
114
00:05:01,954 --> 00:05:05,828
All right, Novato, you
filthy scumbag, on your feet.
115
00:05:05,829 --> 00:05:07,975
I got no beef with your daughters.
They can go.
116
00:05:07,976 --> 00:05:10,006
Ladies, why don't you go watch some HDTV
117
00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:13,144
or do a little scrapbooking,
have a little fun.
118
00:05:13,507 --> 00:05:15,987
Did you shoot some
marshals the other night?
119
00:05:16,161 --> 00:05:17,005
Maybe.
120
00:05:17,006 --> 00:05:19,145
Chris: And what'd you
do with their bodies?
121
00:05:20,974 --> 00:05:21,879
I don't know.
122
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,066
Chris: Come on.
123
00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:24,397
I swear.
124
00:05:24,398 --> 00:05:25,823
Chris: Oh.
125
00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:31,864
[ Crickets chirping ]
126
00:05:32,930 --> 00:05:33,996
Brett: Hey, Lulu.
127
00:05:33,997 --> 00:05:35,163
Hey, Brett.
128
00:05:35,164 --> 00:05:36,058
Brett: How's it going?
129
00:05:36,059 --> 00:05:37,396
Oh, just fine.
130
00:05:37,397 --> 00:05:38,632
Brett: What are you doing in this car?
131
00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:41,882
Oh, I was just gonna chloroform
you with this here rag.
132
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:42,725
Brett: Really?
133
00:05:42,726 --> 00:05:43,881
Mm-hmm.
134
00:05:43,882 --> 00:05:45,818
Brett: Oh-ho.
135
00:05:45,819 --> 00:05:50,494
Oh. It's a sleepy rag. [ Groans ]
136
00:05:50,495 --> 00:05:51,697
Chris: What did you do with the bodies?
137
00:05:51,698 --> 00:05:52,562
Did you hide them?
138
00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:53,380
Did you burn them?
139
00:05:53,381 --> 00:05:57,225
Did you...pose them in
tastefully erotic positions?
140
00:05:57,226 --> 00:05:58,976
I can't tell you that.
141
00:05:58,977 --> 00:06:00,087
Chris: Mm-hmm.
142
00:06:00,088 --> 00:06:01,569
I'm scared of this person.
143
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:02,991
Chris: I want a name.
144
00:06:02,992 --> 00:06:06,114
This is how scared of the
party in question I am!
145
00:06:07,622 --> 00:06:10,804
Chris: Mm! And that's that.
146
00:06:10,949 --> 00:06:12,142
Susie: There's someone else behind this.
147
00:06:12,143 --> 00:06:14,352
Chris: Well, the only thing
we can do is fake my death
148
00:06:14,353 --> 00:06:17,695
and hope that whoever's taking
the marshals' corpses takes mine,
149
00:06:17,696 --> 00:06:21,324
and when they bring me back to their
place, then bingo, bango, blamo.
150
00:06:21,325 --> 00:06:23,555
Chief: Bingo, bango, blamo?
151
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:27,227
Chris, are you planning
on faking your own death?
152
00:06:27,228 --> 00:06:28,899
Chris: You know me well, sir.
153
00:06:29,603 --> 00:06:30,900
Chief: Come with me.
154
00:06:30,951 --> 00:06:31,983
Chris: All right.
155
00:06:32,355 --> 00:06:33,681
Just talking to me.
156
00:06:35,073 --> 00:06:36,588
Susie: [ Sighs ]
157
00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:41,125
It looks like a bullet, but it's made
of a hardened diaminopropionic acid,
158
00:06:41,126 --> 00:06:45,700
or lobocaine a Peruvian plant extract
that induces a death-like state
159
00:06:45,701 --> 00:06:47,439
that lasts up to nine hours.
160
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,690
Chris: Sounds like my ex-wife.
161
00:06:48,691 --> 00:06:49,689
[ Chuckles ]
162
00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:52,181
Chris: My ex-wife died
of lobocaine poisoning.
163
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,191
I'm sorry.
164
00:06:53,192 --> 00:06:57,102
Chris: Susie, remind me when this is all
done to try to solve my ex-wife's murder.
165
00:07:00,642 --> 00:07:02,094
[ Clears throat ] [ Gun cocks ]
166
00:07:02,095 --> 00:07:03,730
Hand over your money!
167
00:07:03,731 --> 00:07:05,201
Chris: No way!
168
00:07:05,856 --> 00:07:06,847
Have you heard from Brett?
169
00:07:06,848 --> 00:07:09,391
Susie: No. He didn't
show for work today.
170
00:07:09,793 --> 00:07:12,903
Give me your money or I'll shoot you!
171
00:07:12,904 --> 00:07:15,104
Chris: You're gonna have to
kill me if you want my money.
172
00:07:15,105 --> 00:07:17,430
I'm worried about Brett!
173
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,543
Susie: Shh!
[ Gunshot ]
174
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:45,384
- Brett: Hey, Chris, how's it going?
- Chris: Brett, what happened...to you?
175
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,008
Uh, where are your legs?
176
00:07:48,518 --> 00:07:49,801
Brett: Oh, right.
177
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:52,934
Well, it turns out Lulu
needed them to make more chili.
178
00:07:52,935 --> 00:07:53,994
Chris: Lulu?
179
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:55,465
That's right, baby.
180
00:07:55,466 --> 00:07:56,652
[ Laughs ]
181
00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:59,683
Now you know my secret ingredient.
182
00:07:59,684 --> 00:08:02,043
Chris: Oh, my God. It can't be true.
183
00:08:03,205 --> 00:08:05,608
Remember that night you saved my life?
184
00:08:05,609 --> 00:08:07,891
Yeah, that's when I got my first taste.
185
00:08:07,892 --> 00:08:11,643
Ooh, I'd been looking a long
time for the main ingredient,
186
00:08:11,644 --> 00:08:13,386
and I finally found it...
187
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,278
Courage.
188
00:08:15,279 --> 00:08:18,107
You see, courage in the bloodstream...
189
00:08:18,108 --> 00:08:20,894
Ooh, it makes the muscles relax,
190
00:08:20,895 --> 00:08:24,638
and that keeps the meat nice and tender.
191
00:08:24,639 --> 00:08:26,123
Ooh, yeah.
192
00:08:26,124 --> 00:08:28,324
Chris: Ah. Wow.
193
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,811
So you found the secret to tender meat,
194
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:35,941
and now you use beef from
courageous cows to make your chili.
195
00:08:35,942 --> 00:08:37,432
No, no, no, no.
196
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,363
Not from beef.
197
00:08:39,442 --> 00:08:41,277
My chili is made...
198
00:08:41,278 --> 00:08:43,004
[ Laughs ]
199
00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:44,879
From marshals.
200
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,192
Chris: Ah!
201
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,036
Okay. Gotcha.
202
00:08:48,037 --> 00:08:51,569
Uh, well, that's fine, Lulu, but
there's only one problem with that.
203
00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:54,664
This kitchen here... it's closed...
204
00:08:56,008 --> 00:08:57,197
Forever.
205
00:08:57,605 --> 00:09:01,537
Well, I'm so glad I
saved the best for last.
206
00:09:01,538 --> 00:09:03,716
Ha ha! Ah, Bafoona!
207
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:06,069
Chris: All right, now, Lulu, you
can come at me if you want to,
208
00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:08,194
but just remember I'm
Chris Monsanto, okay?
209
00:09:08,195 --> 00:09:09,976
I've killed over 100 bad guys.
210
00:09:09,977 --> 00:09:12,758
So what? I ain't scared
of you. Mnh-mnh.
211
00:09:12,759 --> 00:09:17,368
I'm gonna chop you up
and taste that courage.
212
00:09:17,369 --> 00:09:18,543
Ha ha!
213
00:09:18,544 --> 00:09:20,257
Chris: All right, now,
will you listen to yourself?
214
00:09:20,258 --> 00:09:22,278
Do you know what you're
saying? [ Chuckles ]
215
00:09:22,279 --> 00:09:24,809
If you're brave enough to
waltz with a guy like me,
216
00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:28,665
well, then you're the one
who has the courage, Lulu.
217
00:09:28,666 --> 00:09:34,310
Yeah, in fact... mmm... I bet
you would taste mighty fine.
218
00:09:34,311 --> 00:09:36,044
Shut up. Ooh.
219
00:09:36,045 --> 00:09:37,196
Chris: Oh, yeah.
220
00:09:37,197 --> 00:09:39,069
You would make some really good chili.
221
00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:41,031
Smell that brave arm.
222
00:09:41,032 --> 00:09:42,601
Ooh, that's good.
223
00:09:42,602 --> 00:09:44,477
Ooh, shut your mouth!
224
00:09:44,478 --> 00:09:47,993
Chris: Yeah, wouldn't that be a good chili
with some cayenne peppers.
225
00:09:47,994 --> 00:09:49,710
We gonna put in some onions.
226
00:09:49,711 --> 00:09:51,445
Ooh, yes. Lots of onions.
227
00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:53,101
Oh, cook me, honey! Cook me!
228
00:09:53,102 --> 00:09:55,983
[ Screams ]
229
00:09:55,984 --> 00:09:57,292
Chris: Okay, come on, Brett.
230
00:09:57,293 --> 00:09:58,357
- [ Strains ]
- Brett: Oh!
231
00:09:58,358 --> 00:10:00,747
Chris: Once Lulu was dead,
things went back to normal.
232
00:10:00,748 --> 00:10:03,841
For starters, marshals stopped
being gunned down every other night
233
00:10:03,842 --> 00:10:05,294
and fed to other marshals.
234
00:10:05,295 --> 00:10:07,714
Dr. Gardner found a new
pair of legs for Brett
235
00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,574
that worked almost as
good as his old pair.
236
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:13,358
Without his all-chili diet,
chief went on to lose 120 pounds.
237
00:10:13,359 --> 00:10:16,031
And I went into the sausage business...
238
00:10:16,046 --> 00:10:17,949
The human-sausage business.
239
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,965
[ Whirring ]
240
00:10:20,966 --> 00:10:23,308
And all was right with the world.
241
00:10:25,873 --> 00:10:27,157
[ Gunshot ]
242
00:10:29,219 --> 00:10:35,169
Synch by Benfo.
www.addic7ed.com
243
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:39,769
Repair and Synchronization by
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