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1
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[ Sniffs ]
2
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[ Bird squawks ]
3
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Hey, stranger.
4
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Nice day we're having here.
5
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Perfect weather.
6
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Can't complain.
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Follow me.
8
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[ Growling ]
9
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[ Screeching ]
10
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Chris: [ Growling ]
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All right, all right,
all right, all right.
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Calm down, calm down.
13
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It's just me, Chris
Monsanto, U.S. marshal.
14
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You really gave us
quite a scare, marshal.
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Chris: Well, I hope you
learned a lesson, too, fellas.
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You know, this is not the ramrod west.
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This is mountain-lion country,
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and that's why we at the
U.S. marshals' office urge you
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to have your anonymous sex at
public urinals and rest stops.
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Remember, fellas...
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"While you're up here cruising,
mountain lions are perusing,
22
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looking to give you a bruising
at a time of their choosing."
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You can each take one.
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[ Screeching ]
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[ Both gasp ]
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Chris: Aah!
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[ Screeching ]
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All right. Okay.
29
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[ Groans ]
30
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All right, good job, Brett.
31
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Brett: You see, fellas,
it's so dangerous up here
32
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that you shouldn't even hang around
and listen to safety lectures
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from marshals disguised
as mountain lions.
34
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So, uh, why don't you hop in your
little cloud cars and fly back home.
35
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Excuse me?
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Brett: Gay people.
37
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You live in clouds and drive cloud cars.
38
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Am I talking crazy?
39
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I mean, next thing you're gonna tell me
is that black people don't shape-shift
40
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and Jews aren't rock creatures
that live underground.
41
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Chris: Brett, those
are hurtful stereotypes.
42
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They have no place in
mountain-lion country.
43
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Fellas, seriously, though,
why don't you move along,
44
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unless you want to end up like that
famous British actor Claude Balls.
45
00:02:01,046 --> 00:02:03,723
But, marshals, what we're
doing is completely safe.
46
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There hasn't been a single mountain
lion spotted up here for weeks.
47
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Chris: Do what?
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Paprika?!
49
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Brett: Who's Paprika?
50
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Chris: Only the best
friend I ever had, Brett
51
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or ever will have,
present company included.
52
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Brett: Why does he live in a lion's den?
53
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Chris: 'Cause he's a
mountain lion, Brett.
54
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I bought him many years ago
at Harrod's department store.
55
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Later, along with my wife and our lover,
we formed the fabulous Monsantos,
56
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one of the first exotic-cat
performance groups.
57
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But then he mauled my wife and
lover, and I had to let him go.
58
00:02:41,058 --> 00:02:44,682
Anyway, this mountain-lion den
has been abandoned for months.
59
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What could have happened
to the mountain lions?
60
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And where's Paprika?
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Brett: Chris, look.
62
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There's something written on it.
63
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Huh, whoever wrote this
had terrible penmanship.
64
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Chris: Brett, it's Chinese.
65
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And it's mountain lion.
66
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It's not Paprika, but
it's mountain lion.
67
00:03:08,591 --> 00:03:11,215
Well, I don't see any
mountain lion on the menu,
68
00:03:11,216 --> 00:03:13,198
unless "delight" means "mountain lion,"
69
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in which case, everything
is mountain lion.
70
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Uh, garcon.
[ Fingers snap ]
71
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- Are you waiting to order?
- Chris: Uh-huh.
72
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Let's start with an order of,
73
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um, ban quai dei dan quan quan
quan dei ban quai quang dei.
74
00:03:27,384 --> 00:03:29,816
And then, um, let's get, for the table,
75
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just one big ban qua gei hey hey ba
qua kong quang quang heng wan ah.
76
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I, um... I go get manager.
77
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- Susie: Chris, what the hell are you doing?
- Chris: Come on.
78
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Everybody knows that the
Chinese language is just a series
79
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of made-up nonsense sounds.
80
00:03:45,497 --> 00:03:48,184
And now this guy knows that we're not
amateurs right off the banana boat.
81
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Believe me... this is all working
according to my plan, okay?
82
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Is there a problem with the service?
83
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Susie: Uh... we're
interested in ordering...
84
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Off the menu, something
cooked to... purrfection.
85
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Brett: Mountain lions.
86
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We do not serve mountain lion, sir.
87
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Chris: Honey, one of those
mountain lions you swiped from
88
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that den happens to be a
dear old bosom mate of mine.
89
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- Now, where is he?
- Enough.
90
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For years, people say,
91
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"Chinese eat dogs. Chinese eat cats."
92
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Now mountain lions?
93
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You know how many years we've
fought these ugly stereotypes?
94
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Shame on you!
95
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Chris: [ Scoffs ]
96
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Don't know what that was all about.
97
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[ Chuckles ]
98
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Susie: You should probably
go apologize to her.
99
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Chris: I'm not... I...
100
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Oh, fine.
101
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I'll go sprinkle a
little sugar on her ass.
102
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[ Sighs ]
103
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Hey, lady, lady.
104
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I didn't mean it. Come on.
105
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You see too much!
106
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Susie: Chris, I thought you
said you were apologizing.
107
00:05:00,792 --> 00:05:03,992
Chris: Hey, that manager pal of
yours just walked through that wall.
108
00:05:04,158 --> 00:05:05,386
Here, watch.
109
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I'm coming, Paprika.
110
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Susie: I guess that's Chinese only.
111
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Chris: Well, okay, fine.
112
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Then I'll just take the Chinese Express.
113
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[ Echoing ] I meant Orient Express.
114
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Susie: [ Gasps ]
115
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Chris: [ Groans ]
116
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I swear I'll find you, Paprika,
if it's the last thing I do today.
117
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Now, where am I?
118
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Oh, hey, pal, pal.
119
00:05:58,821 --> 00:05:59,938
[ Scoffs ]
120
00:06:06,970 --> 00:06:08,374
Hello, Chris.
121
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What's the matter?
Don't you recognize me?
122
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Chris: I don't... I don't know.
Did we bone or something?
123
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Perhaps this will remind you.
124
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Is there a problem with the service?
125
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Chris: Hold on. I'm sorry.
Are you people Chinese or what?
126
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[ Laughs ]
127
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The question itself is flawed, Chris.
128
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Chris: Okay, w... what are you
babbling about, Snow Cap?
129
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Perhaps I explain.
130
00:06:39,674 --> 00:06:41,311
Me Sebastian.
131
00:06:41,312 --> 00:06:44,418
Me emperor of this land.
132
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Chinese people as you
know them do not exist.
133
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What you see up there on the
surface is just our disguise.
134
00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:55,825
Down here, we look regular.
135
00:06:55,826 --> 00:06:57,862
Chris: So what you're saying is...
136
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Yes, Chris.
137
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We Chinese... we play joke.
138
00:07:05,122 --> 00:07:08,535
Chris: I knew it, I knew it,
I knew it. Wow.
139
00:07:08,536 --> 00:07:13,280
Our mission, Chris, is to protect
planet from enemy forces.
140
00:07:13,281 --> 00:07:17,610
Sometimes, we have to go up
to the surface for provisions.
141
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:21,198
We create Chinese facade
142
00:07:21,199 --> 00:07:25,452
so we recognize each other up there.
143
00:07:25,942 --> 00:07:30,209
Only select billion know real secret.
144
00:07:30,210 --> 00:07:31,034
Chris: Wow.
145
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:34,678
And so here, we have
everything one might need...
146
00:07:34,679 --> 00:07:37,255
To become Chinese.
147
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:39,800
An "l"- to-"r" conversion kit...
148
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,361
Silly straw hats...
149
00:07:42,458 --> 00:07:46,886
Ah, and one of my
favorite, cartoon buckteeth.
150
00:07:46,887 --> 00:07:48,669
Chris: [ Laughs ] These are wonderful.
151
00:07:48,670 --> 00:07:51,084
Oh, my. [ Laughs ]
152
00:07:51,085 --> 00:07:53,301
But I got to tell you...
It's not why I came down here.
153
00:07:53,302 --> 00:07:55,742
I came down for one reason
and one reason alone...
154
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,707
To find mountain lions.
155
00:07:57,885 --> 00:08:03,757
I am afraid, Chris, there are
some things you must never know.
156
00:08:04,054 --> 00:08:05,661
Me so sorry...
157
00:08:05,677 --> 00:08:07,006
Sincerely.
158
00:08:07,305 --> 00:08:09,664
Chris: Well, me so horny...
159
00:08:10,165 --> 00:08:11,699
For justice.
160
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:12,929
Ohh!
161
00:08:14,234 --> 00:08:15,569
Stop him!
162
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,194
We must protect the ruby!
163
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:32,537
Chris: [ Gasps ]
164
00:08:32,727 --> 00:08:34,510
It's beautiful...
165
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:38,005
In a gaudy nouveau-riche sort of way.
166
00:08:38,203 --> 00:08:39,803
[ Growls ]
167
00:08:40,071 --> 00:08:41,727
Chris: [ Gasps ] Hi, fellas.
168
00:08:41,728 --> 00:08:42,974
Hi.
169
00:08:43,614 --> 00:08:49,613
[ Howling ]
170
00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:51,929
[ Growls ]
171
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:54,378
Chris: Oh, God, I hope she
hasn't been eaten already.
172
00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:56,739
Okay, all right, you know what?
173
00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:57,960
Let's blow this pop stand.
174
00:08:57,961 --> 00:08:59,180
Watch out.
175
00:08:59,847 --> 00:09:03,037
[ Gun cocks ]
176
00:09:03,038 --> 00:09:06,723
Good. You're free. Go, run, run.
177
00:09:08,570 --> 00:09:09,743
Oh, boy.
178
00:09:09,774 --> 00:09:12,930
You damn fool.
179
00:09:12,931 --> 00:09:14,866
That's the Ruby of life.
180
00:09:14,867 --> 00:09:16,545
It power all of earth.
181
00:09:16,546 --> 00:09:19,511
Without it, no life exists.
182
00:09:19,512 --> 00:09:23,684
The mountain lions were protecting Ruby.
183
00:09:23,685 --> 00:09:27,146
Chris: Uh, protecting Ruby from what?
184
00:09:28,336 --> 00:09:29,790
From them.
185
00:09:32,259 --> 00:09:33,967
Rock Jews.
186
00:09:34,118 --> 00:09:35,652
Brett: Next thing you're
gonna tell me is that
187
00:09:35,653 --> 00:09:39,029
Jews aren't rock creatures
that live underground.
188
00:09:40,357 --> 00:09:43,227
Chris: Oy-oy, oy-oy-oy.
189
00:09:48,452 --> 00:09:50,172
Okay, stretch, what do we do now, huh?
190
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,246
Nothing.
191
00:09:51,247 --> 00:09:53,821
We... powerless.
192
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:56,370
[ Growls ]
193
00:09:56,371 --> 00:09:57,974
Chris: Paprika!
194
00:09:58,059 --> 00:09:59,906
[ Growling ]
195
00:10:05,609 --> 00:10:06,612
We saved.
196
00:10:06,613 --> 00:10:07,900
Chris: Paprika!
197
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:10,449
Paprika, it's me. It's me.
198
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:14,244
Yeah. [ Laughs ]
199
00:10:14,245 --> 00:10:15,996
Oh, oh!
200
00:10:15,997 --> 00:10:16,906
[ Dramatic music plays ]
201
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:20,617
Oh, how I missed you so much, Paprika.
202
00:10:26,029 --> 00:10:28,636
[ Cloud whirs ]
203
00:10:28,953 --> 00:10:31,828
[ Music continues ]
204
00:10:31,829 --> 00:10:36,355
Synch by Benfo.
www.addic7ed.com
205
00:10:36,405 --> 00:10:40,955
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
14726
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