All language subtitles for Drunk History s04e03 Bar Fights.eng

Carrie Nation was like,

alcohol is terrible, so
she smashes this bar up,

but she be wrong, though,

'cause this [bleep] is delicious.

They're all in Tennessee!

I'm Andrew God damn Jackson.

Get them giggles out!

Ooh, yeah!

The 1960s is a very tumultuous time.

So Marsha P. Johnson smashed
that [bleep] against the mirror

and said, I got my civil rights!

(Patriotic music)

? ?

= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...

(Rock music)

? ?

Oh, what you're drinking
tastes like poop.

- Mm?
- Oh, apple poop.

(Laughing)

That's so great. What is that?

- Apple poop.
- It tastes like apples.

- Yeah.
- Hmm.

- I like it.
- That's okay.

Yours is definitely better.

- Yeah.
- You know what's crazy?

I really thought that was gonna happen.

I was like, I'm gonna do like, um...

what is that, the, um...

What's the [bleep] cartoon?
That does it?

- The... the "Lady and the Tramp."
- "Alvin and the Chipmunks."

"Lady and the Tramp."

"Alvin and the Chipmunks."

- All right.
- (Laughing)

Hello, I'm Amber Ruffin,

and today, we're gonna talk about

the saloon smasher.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

(Hiccups) Our story starts in Kansas!

Carrie Nation married a man,

but he dies of alcoholism.

So, in 1900,

she prayed for God to
tell her what to do.

Jesus, let me know what I can do

to stop people from drinking.

God said to her,

Go to Kiowa, Kansas...

not Iowa, Carrie...

and I will stand with you.

And she did.

So, she goes to Kiowa, Kansas.

She brings, like, bricks and rocks

to smash up bars.

And that's when the
real [bleep] went down.

She was like, I don't want
to strike you, barkeep,

but I will break up this den of vice.

- So, the barkeep was like...
- "This den of vice"?

"This den of vice."

The barkeep was like, That...

this has never happened,

so I don't know what
you're talking about.

(Slurping)

Sorry, that was loud.

You don't know [bleep],
because my husband

[bleep] died of alcohol.

P.S., I super hate alcohol.

So... um, she smashes this bar up,

and this is the first
time anyone has ever

[bleep] freaked out like a crazy person.

She smashes up all that [bleep].

She's smashing up, um,

all of his bottles of alcohol.

Well, it's [bleep] illegal
for him to have it.

- And smashing his fun.
- (Laughing)

She smashed everything.

She comes out of his bar.

There's a huge crowd,

because people have never
seen anything like this.

So everyone's out there going, Yay!

We like that that happened!

And so she gains a lot of supporters.

At this point, it's illegal
to sell liquor in Kansas.

(Chuckles) Those assholes.

(Laughs)

So, Carrie goes to three other bars,

smashes their [bleep] up too.

And then, finally, the
town marshal is like,

Please stop.

I'm going to have to arrest you.

She goes... she gets arrested.

She is arrested for seven weeks.

So, she gets out of jail.

Um, she goes to two
other cities in Kansas.

When she gets to Wichita, she says,

Men of Wichita, this is
the right arm of God,

and I am destined to destroy

every saloon in your city.

She goes into the Carey hotel bar.

She smashes up every bottle of alcohol.

She smashes up every
mirror, every window.

She smashes it good,

because Jesus told her to smash,

and when Jesus say, "Smash," she smash.

She does $3,000 worth of damage.

Now, during one of her smashies...

- Oh, I like the smashies.
- (Laughing)

I wanted her to call it "Smashies."

- I don't know that she did.
- (Laughing)

A fan of hers gives her a hatchet.

Carrie is like, Enough with the bricks.

Let's get to the real
[bleep], a hatchet.

So she goes into this bar,

gets into the bar, and smashes up

every bottle of alcohol.

Every...

(Laughing)

Ev-er-y. Ev-er-y. So...

- Everly Cleary?
- Every.

Is what you should say.
But I'm saying "Ev-er-y."

That's weird.

So, she smashes up
everything in the bar.

And she leaves the bar.

And she's out talking to

this huge mass of people, and it's like,

Alcohol is terrible. Don't drink.

Everyone is like, Whoo,
we're eating this [bleep] up.

So, she's famous.

Now she is famous.

So, she goes around

the whole United States of America.

She tours. She smashes up bars.

And she never stops, and a lot of people

try to write her off as a crazy lady

because she's the only person saying,

Hey, maybe alcohol is terrible.

But she be wrong, though, 'cause

this [bleep] is delicious.

(Slurping)

So, she died in 1911.

And prohibition was passed in 1919,

due in large part to
her and her efforts.

But also, women's rights.

That was Carrie A. [bleep] Nation.

Because she always advocated

for women's right to vote.

Thank you for [bleep]
letting me [bleep] vote.

- Lady.
- Amen.

Glad you smashed up these bars.

Yeah.

Bet it was cool. I sure like voting.

(Slurping)

- (Bubbling)
- I've always been able to vote.

(Laughing)

I'm black... I haven't
been able to vote twice.

(Laughter)

In the name of Carrie A. Nation.

- Let's smash this [bleep].
- Let's smash.

One, two, three.

(Glass shattering)

To you, Carrie A. Nation.

All right, so we'll start...

you look into Tommy's camera.

Shut up right now. Shut up right now.

- Do it your own way.
- Shut up.

- Shut the [bleep] up.
- Know that I mean...

Shut the [bleep] up.

Hello.

I'm Kyle Kinane.

And today, we're gonna talk

about Andrew Jackson.

The brawler.

Start early 1800s.

America.

Andrew Jackson's army,
they're in Tennessee.

He's a... an accomplished duelist.

Jackson's like, I've been a soldier

and a brawler my whole time.

I'm a badass dude.

So, there's a couple brothers

named Thomas and Jesse Benton.

They're officers in
Andrew Jackson's army.

These two brothers, they're
a couple rabble rousers.

Couple troublemakers.

Thomas, he's power-hungry.
He wants to make it.

He just wants... he... he wants...

he wants... he wants it.

Becomes Jackson's right-hand man.

Jackson likes him so much,

he sends him to D.C.

Jesse Benton, still
in... still in Tennessee.

Part of the regiment, gets into
an argument with another...

another fellow under Jackson's regime

by the name of, uh, William Carroll.

Some old-timey argument.

Jabber, jabber, jabber?
Jabber, jabber, jabber.

No end result.

Well, we're not gonna
settle this with words.

All right, let's meet in a
field and shoot at each other.

Duel!

- (Laughing)
- So...

It's... it's very inefficient.

It's very inefficient.

So, William Carroll
knew he was experienced.

He's like, So listen,
Andy, do me a solid...

I'm working under you.

Can you be on the ones and twos for me?

Andrew Dacks... Andrew Jackson says,

You know what?

I'm your second. Let's go at it.

- (Claps)
- Duel!

So, the duel goes down.

Ten-pace duel.

Turn, spin, shoot. Poom!

Carroll gets his thumb blown off,

still gets one off,

shoots Jesse Benton in his ass.

Hilarious shot.

(Laughter)

People are out there
going nut... they're...

they're like, Well, did
you hear about the duel?

Jesse Benton's got an extra asshole.

(Laughing)

Ah, all right.

All right. Get them giggles out.

Ooh, yeah!

It... the word gets all the way back

to Thomas Benton, Jesse's Brother's...

you know, he's over there, D.C.

He's hearing about
this. He's like, What?

Where I left, now they're
laughing about my name?

And it's because Jackson
supported this other guy?

Now, Thomas Benton, Andrew
Jackson's aide, is furious.

He's like, This is
Andrew Jackson's fault

for even allowing this
stupid duel to happen.

So, he's not gonna stand for it.

He heads back to Tennessee

to restore honor to his family name.

Andrew Jackson, back in Tennessee,

he's hearing... he's hearing
all this [bleep] talk.

He's upset about all this.

I'm Andrew God damn Jackson.

I'm gonna whip sense into
these Benton brothers.

Literally, he walks around for six weeks

with a bullwhip on
his... on his belt loop.

Just some real passo-aggro [bleep].

(Imitates whip cracking)

You know how whips sound.

Put in a sound effect.

Post-production.

Silent take.

Post-produc.

(Silent)

(Laughing)

Okay, so, do you remember where you are?

They're all in Tennessee!

Nashville!

September 4th, 1813.

The Bentons are holed up at a hotel.

Other end of the strip,
Andrew Jackson...

- (Claps)
- and his good buddy John Coffee.

They're hanging.

They all know why they're there.

They got beef.

Old-timey beef. 1800s beef.

Andrew Jackson's like, Hey, John,

your name is indicative
of morning activity,

John Coffee.

Let's go take a morning stroll.

Let's go get my mail
from the post office.

(Clears throat) So they take
a little stroll around town...

oh, did it happen to take a

cir... circuit...
cir, uh, roundabout way

in front of the hotel?

Benton brothers posted up, like,

Yeah, we expected this much.

Andrew Jackson, he looks at 'em.

Then just says, "Defend yourselves,

you damned rascals."

(Belches) That was the final moment.

Thomas Benton goes for the sidearm.

Andrew Jackson already has it pulled.

So Thomas, he goes back in the hotel.

Meanwhile, Jesse's
coming around sneakily.

There's Andrew Jackson.

What he doesn't see is
Jesse's coming around a corner.

Fires off at Jackson... bang, bang!

Jackson, he gets shot. Twice.

(Dramatic music)

In the wing.

Jackson goes to throw one off at Thomas.

The gun misfires.

(Imitates farting) And it just
farts out his musket.

Burns a hole in his jacket.

Coffee runs in.

Coffee fires a few shots at Thomas.

Oh, I'm being shot at?

What's my safest bet?

Let me just roll
down these stairs.

? ?

He did that to himself voluntarily.

- And...
- (Sets down drink)

? ?

Now, we got another
Andrew Jackson supporter

that just... he jumps in out of nowhere

Stokely Hayes, he comes in with a sword.

That's a rule, you don't
bring a knife to a gun fight.

This guy, he goes to stab Jesse.

The sword breaks 'cause
it hits a button.

Twing!

What about a knife?

I'll just stab this guy.

Stokely Hayes tackles Jesse,

and this whole showdown,

it's a catastrophe.

End result?

Andrew Jackson was a president

who had, at some point,

shot at several people

in a non-battlefield situation.

(Laughing)

- Keep going. I'll...
- Oh, just keep going?

Oh, tha... I appreciate your permission.

Where was I? Oh, crushing that story?

That's where I was? Crushing that story?

So, it's like 20 years down the road.

He writes a letter to Thomas Benton.

Hey, last time I saw you,

I think you left these.

Puts the bullets in a letter,

mails 'em off.

You've had 'em long
enough. You keep 'em.

Mails 'em back.

That's...

that's how duels are.

I want to eat.

Mm-hmm?

Stay tuned for more "Drunk History."

That's nice. That's really nice.

- [Bleep] off.
- Okay.

Sorry.

- To Marsha.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna paint my... oh,
you don't have to chug that.

(Laughing)

- Did you think I was chugging?
- Yeah, I did.

- Oh, sorry.
- Just kidding.

I'm honestly so happy right now.

Me too.

Hi! Just kidding.

(Laughing)

Hello, I'm Crissle West, and today,

we're going to discuss
Marsha P. Johnson.

So, the story begins

in the middle of New York City,

in the Village, on Christopher Street,

and back then, you know,

New York had a growing LGBT population.

So, basically, the
non-straight population

had a bunch of bars and stuff

in Greenwich Village, and so,

you know, all the
queer kids would go down

to the Village and be like,

We're here to be ourselves.

But these people didn't
have a sense of community.

Like, this was a point in time

where you came out as being trans,

and you were just
kicked out of the house.

Like, and nobody gave
a [bleep] about you.

And that was kind of
what happened to Marsha.

Like, she was a queer
person growing up in Jersey.

Okay, so she would get
on the train in Jersey,

um, dressed as Malcolm,
which was her birth name,

and then on the way over
from Jersey to New York,

transform into Marsha with, you know,

beer cans and pop cans, uh, for rollers.

Just like, I'm Marsha P. Johnson, bitch,

and if you don't like
it, you go to hell.

Like, here I am, ho. What you gonna do?

- Mm-hmm.
- (Laughing)

You have the best laugh in the world.

- I love it.
- Oh, God!

- Whoo! Anyways.
- Yeah.

The 1960s is a very tumultuous time

for the United States of America.

Because every minority group imaginable

is tired of the status quo.

Okay, so there was a group of officers

in New York City called
the Public Moral Squad,

which is ridiculous,
because when in the [bleep]

have morals been a part
of this God damn city?

Like, the city's trash,
and the Public Moral Squad

took their orders
directly from the mayor.

The mayor was like, I
want you to go shut down

the [bleep] gay bars.

I'm sick of them mother[bleep]

putting they [bleep] on people's asses,

and it's time to be over.

So, the night at Stonewall, June 18th...

or 28th. June 28th.

I know it was one of the 8s.

(Laughter)

Oh, God.

So, that night,

Charles Smythe and Seymour Pine,

they walked into the
Stonewall Inn, and they said,

Hey, bitch!

(Clapping)

We here!

And [bleep] is under
mother[bleep] arrest.

Sit your gay ass down,

and wait for us to

verify your mother[bleep] I.D.

with your [bleep]
mother[bleep] genitals!

(Crashing)

(Laughing)

Sorry, tree.

(Laughter)

And the trans girls was
like, Oh, no, bitch.

We didn't ask for this.

And some people were,
like, freaking out,

and trying to, like, go for the exits,

but the police had
barricaded the whole thing.

And Marsha says, You know what?

Today is not the mother[bleep] day!

Today is the day that I
say no to this bull[bleep].

Like, y'all are not going to continue

to run us, to dictate

what our lives should be like.

T-t-to dish... to dic-trate

what our lives are supposed to be like.

You're not in charge any [bleep] more.

We're here, and as long
as we have to pay taxes,

you're gonna have to
listen to what the [bleep]

that we have to shay...
we have to sh...

to shay.

To say!

So Marsha P. Johnson
stood the [bleep] up,

and she picked up a shot glass,

and she smashed that [bleep]
against the mirror and said,

I got my civil rights!

She had had enough
that mother[bleep] day.

So, during the Stonewall
riots, that first night,

all these members of the gay community

started gathering outside.

Marsha, she's thinking,
like, Oh, my God.

There's so many of, like, us.

There's 500 of this...

of us.

By the time backup showed
up to Christopher Street,

it was way too late.

Some of the rioters
threw rocks and [bleep].

Others found bricks and
[bleep], and they're like,

We're gonna [bleep] it up
by any means necessary.

(Laughing)

- Oh, God.
- It was good.

I told myself I was not
gonna get drunk this time.

I don't know how I thought
that was gonna work.

(Laughter)

Okay.

So, the people at Stonewall that night

realized there's a community of us.

It's not just 20 of us on
[bleep] Wednesday night

when it's half off...
there's a whole group of us

who are here in this gay [bleep]

and you're not going to erase us

from the mother[bleep]
conversation no more.

So, Marsha says, Ultimately,

- humanness wins.
- Yes.

- Ultimately, people win.
- Yeah.

That night, and then the next one,

constitute the Stonewall Riots,

and that is what got the whole

gay rights movement in America

started off.

Like, that gives me chills.

It's the shot glass
heard around the world.

A few weeks later,

Marsha and her friend Sylvia

formed the Street Transvestite

Act... Reaction Evolution.

Which is not words we...
we would use to gay...

today, obviously, it would be more like,

Street Trans-vendor.

Transgender, I mean.

Not trans-vinegar, yeah,
it's not like that [bleep].

Basically, Marsha and Sylvia

were out there in the '60s

and '70s just trying to get

these trans kids a place to live.

- She really was a badass.
- Yeah.

And so brave... like, I would
not have been that brave.

In the '60s and '70s?

I mean, it was bad enough being black.

- Right.
- But add in a queer identity,

and then a... a queer
gender identity too?

It was a lot. It was a lot.

And she still faced it.

But truly?

Black people deserve to
be on all this [bleep].

- Mm-hmm.
- Black people and Sacagawea.

Who needs to get off the God damn coin

and onto some [bleep] paper money.

(Laughter)

- Because this our [bleep].
- Yeah.

Bow down.

(Patriotic music)

? ?

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