All language subtitles for Drunk History s01e06 Detroit.eng

[patriotic music]

Dr. John Kellogg says,

oh, you should see the
corn flakes we're making.

We're making our own cereal.

And Will is saying, oh, no.

I'm not talking right altogether.

Uh, Nader, boss... Ralph Nader.

He's like, well, this is all [bleep]ed up.

And why shouldn't there be safety belts?

So many people would be safer.

And Houdini said, hey! [Bleep] you!

I'm Houdini!

I'm not that guy you just saw.

Oh, my God.

I have to puke.

[patriotic music]

? ?

[folk music]

Why do I love Detroit?

Because it's lawless.

[stammers] And you, and... and you know,

it maybe come around to
bite your ass in the ass,

'cause your window got broken out

and that sucks, and it does,

and you go through some hard times.

But the lawlessness is great,

'cause you can just ride your bike to work

drinking a beer, just
like you're in New Orleans,

where you're allowed to.

But you can do that here too.

It's off the chain. It's gonna be amazing.

I love Michigan.

Michigan, that's what's up.

Everyone in Detroit,

Judas Priest is better than Iron Maiden,

and Iron Maiden is the [bleep].

- Hi.
- Well...

what did you bring? I brought you this.

- Oh, scotch.
- As a thank you.

How are you?

Obviously, I love him.

- Oh, my.
- I'm guessing that's a him.

I don't...

I mean, I don't know. Yeah.

- All right, let's do it!
- Hey, that's how we know.

- Come on!
- Okay, Yeah.

Hey, I'm ready, so let's just...

- [growling] I wanna do it!
- So let's just start.

Hello, I am Paget Brewster,

and today we are going to talk
about the Kellogg brothers.

In 1876, Dr. John Kellogg

created a sanitarium

in Battle Creek, Michigan.

Except he was an orator

in the seventh-day adventist church.

He tells his patients

No sex, no meat, no alcohol,

no sugar, no, uh, anything, uh, prurient

or sensual.

[bleep]!

Aren't you guys tired?

Pssht!

- Well, can I...
- Shh!

All right.

He tells his patients, you need to take

at least two solid, rope-y poops

per day.

In 1880,

Dr. John reaches out to
his younger brother, Will,

who he beat up the whole
time he was growing up,

and he says, hey, um,

leave that broom company.

I've got this, you know,
sanitarium, spa thing.

There's over 1,000 people a week

here, hanging out...

swimming and doing stuff.

You should come and just, you know,

help me out with everything.

And will says, okay, I gotta
get the [bleep] out of here.

Will is just sort of this
sad little whipping boy

for big, famous brother John.

He actually said,

"I use my brother as a
foot warmer in the winter."

I don't even know what that means.

Like, he beat him up and
he stuck his feet under him?

So anyway, he has to shave him.

He actually has to call his own brother

"Dr. Kellogg"...

and has to run the kitchen

and has to run the books.

So Dr. John tells his younger brother Will,

hey, make something that
people would want to eat

because no one wants vegetarian food.

So you do this, 'cause I'm busy.

I gotta, you know, do lectures and stuff.

So will,

whose bookkeep...
bookkeeping "oppice"... office

is next to the kitchen...

One night, he's trying to make

this stupid vegetarian [bleep].

He leaves the dough out.

He comes in the next morning,

and the dough that he left out has molded.

And he's like, oh, goddamn it,

this [bleep] is moldy.

[bleep]. I'm on a budget.

And he puts it through the grinder anyway,

and the small amount of
mold made that dough flakes.

Corn flakes!

And he's like, hol... oh, [bleep].

Oh, we made... I made a cereal.

So he tells John, John comes down.

Oh, you know.

And then they start producing this cereal,

corn flakes.

Like, corn flakes that we all know...

that will discovered. With mold.

One week, C.W. Post, this
industrialist, is visiting,

and John says,

oh, you should see the
corn flakes we're making.

We're making our own cereal.

And will is saying,

Oh, no, don't.

I made... I made that.

Don't... you say...

and...

[choir sings a dramatic chord]

Oh, oh.

I'm not talking right altogether,

but close enough.

C.W. Post steals it, sells it,

makes a million... dollars.

So Will's like, [bleep] you, man.

You [bleep]ed me! You [bleep]ed us!

If we add sugar, we can sell this cereal.

And John says, you can't put sugar on it.

That's not seventh-day adventist.

Who do you think you are?

Will says, oh, you know...

You know who I think I am?

I think I'm the guy who
invented [bleep]ing corn flakes.

I'm gonna put sugar on 'em and sell 'em.

And [bleep] you.

So he takes his cereal and he sets up

the Kellogg toasted flakes company.

Will makes it a million-dollar enterprise.

And he's like, I'm putting
sugar on my [bleep].

[bleep] you.

Will wins the name in federal court.

- I'm gonna burp.
- It's okay.

I hope it's just a burp.

Let's see this closet.

All right.

All these heads, they freak me out.

- Yeah, and then the deer.
- Well, sorry.

Now, I do have to ask... [Laughs]

- about this Pulp Fiction.
- Yes.

I just... your beak is touching my...

You want me to help you with that?

This is oddly intimate.

Would you take off all your clothes...

Yes.

And put on my grandmother's Halston?

- Is it weird?
- You actually look... no.

Do you feel like you're
looking at your grandma?

- No. Not at all.
- You don't? Okay.

The younger brother, now, finally comes out

of his older brother's shadow

and becomes a huge American industrialist.

The brothers sue each other back and forth

for ten years.

I want the name of Kellogg's.

I want the name of Kellogg's.

I want the name of Kellogg's.

No, I deserve it, I made the...

whatever.

So Will, this younger brother,

wins the name in federal court.

I'm gonna burp.

It's okay.

I hope it's just a burp.

Will is a huge industrialist
in the United States.

He invents a bunch of cereals.

Meanwhile, John loses all credibility.

In 1943,

John is on his deathbed.

He writes to his younger brother,

having not spoken for the past 20 years,

and he gave it to his social secretary

or whatever... he had no family.

His only family was Will.

She never sent it.

But Will, eight years later...

Also dying, blind...

was told, on his deathbed,

your brother wrote a letter

eight years ago saying, "I'm sorry.

I screwed up. I apologize.

I treated you as a lesser man

when in fact, I was the lesser man."

Essentially, that's what he said.

I read it, but I can't remember entirely.

But that's essentially what he said.

Sorry.

Will sat up on his
deathbed and said, good God!

Why didn't anyone tell
me about this before now?

And he died!

That's just awful. That's
the [bleep]ing worst.

[munching]

Um, yeah, but... right?

- Yeah.
- Like, Will was right.

You want to put some sugar on 'em.

Yeah. It is lacking sugar.

Otherwise, it's just mold.

- Yeah.
- Mold flakes.

- Want some more?
- I'm good.

- Ralph Nader.
- And he's right!

The Ralph Nader

is responsible for seat belts in cars?

He had the idea to put them in there.

Well, then god bless him.

- Ralph Nader.
- Cheers to Ralph Nader!

Keepin' us all safe! He's a good guy.

I don't know, actually, what the, uh...

when they do public
"intoclate"... intoxication.

- What's... what's the...
- [snickers]

How legal is it to be drunk in your home?

Can you be so drunk in
your home that it's illegal?

Hi.

Today we're gonna talk about Ralph Nader.

He was a Harvard graduate, super egghead.

It was, like, 1965.

Cars were just, like,
psychosexual dreamboats.

But, like, there wasn't seat belts.

At the time, like, the car industry,

they made a weird stand against safety.

Well, how about we give 'em
an option of seat belts or not?

Yeah, but I gotta call the
guy, and he's gotta make...

You know, we gotta buy the nylon,

and someone's gotta design the buckles,

and it's a whole thing.

So anyways, so there's,
like, no safety [bleep].

and then, like, Ralph
Nader, I guess, had a friend,

who he was saying, like, that's weird.

Shouldn't there be some kind
of option of trying to...

couldn't I strap myself into the car?

The car flipped over and
his friend was paralyzed.

I'll call him his paralyzed pal.

I guess through a "cursorair"...

cursory investigation of
safety practices, he's like,

well, this is all [bleep]ed up.

And why shouldn't there be safety belts?

It seems like, you know,

so many people would be safer.

So he wrote the book Unsafe at Any Speed,

which put heat on, uh, General Motors.

So their tactic was to, like,

go get Ralph Nader in
a compromising position.

Apparently, he shops for food

at the supermarket by where he lives.

Gotcha. All right, yeah.

So Nader goes to the supermarket.

You send a couple of those broads over.

And then they got, like,

weird, salacious Barbara Eden types...

I Dream of Jeannie...

To approach him at this supermarket.

You know, say, mister.

Wanna go for a ride?

Wanna go for a ride in the car?

You wanna go for a ride in the car?

We'll go in the car.

We'll go around the whole neighborhood.

Nader's like, well, this seems odd.

I'm a dork.

There's no way this, you know, Kim Novak,

huge-breasted woman, come up to me.

I'm too smart for that.

Mm, something's wrong.

It's gotta be something
to do with General Motors.

[dramatic music]

So he tipped off Newspapers
and such to be like,

hey, I'm being, you
know, harassed like this.

The whole thing blew up for GM.

There's senate hearings where it's like,

you... you guys did this?

Yeah, you caught us, I guess.

I guess we did it.

And they had to, like, publicly apologize,

which just... just cracks
me up, but it happened.

A public apology to Ralph Nader

over trying to, like... [Laughs]

blackmail him with... [Laughs]

broads at the supermarket. [Laughs]

We, members of, uh, General Motors,

apologize to you, Ralph Nader.

They [bleep]ing paid him almost
a $1/2-million settlement.

He used that money to start to finance

a group called, like,
uh, the Nader Raiders.

Was that the name of it?
was it the "Raider Naders"

- Or the...
- Nader Raiders.

"Raider Naders" would be
people that raided Naders.

It was an army of intellectuals

that sought out injust... injustices

about, you know, corporate evil.

And they were really, like, instrumental

in starting, like, even Osha.

Safe Water Drinking Act, wasn't it?

Freedom of Information Act.

Huge touchstones that are super important.

People think that Ralph
Nader is just the guy

that blew the election for Gore,

and he's just, like, so much more.

Yeah, original, like, nerd warrior.

Hi, Bober.

What a good dog.

There is a moment where
I sic him on all of you.

[patriotic music]

Houdini said, really?

Houdini, shut the [bleep]
up. Just quiet down.

I know you're skeptical.
Let's just do this.

I guess you get a certain amount of pride

from it being such a
negative place, in a way.

There's a perverse kind of pride.

I guess you always love where you're from,

but you're like, is that [bleep]ing stupid?

But sometimes, like, it is a magical place.

I really love Detroiters.
You gotta go with the spirit.

Nine times out of ten, people count us out.

But nobody ever gives up here.

Nobody ever gives up.

[sighs]

[whispering] One, two, three, four...

Hello, everybody!

I'm here to talk about Houdini

and his fight against spiritualism

with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

[dramatic music]

After World War I,

everyone was obsessed with spiritualism.

They felt that religious
bits and scientific bits

worked together and made spiritualism.

Harry Houdini,

the greatest magician
escape artist of all time.

Houdini knew spiritualism was bull[bleep]

because he had done it
himself, when he started out.

He'd send his wife ahead of him,

and she was like, I'm a bible salesman.

Look, our bibles are
better than your bible.

And through the information
that she would give him,

he could pretty much tell,
like, oh, so, your uncle,

who had a mustache,

or your so-and-so that had
this and that, whatever.

Those people, they're like... [gasps]

he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Oh, my God. Yeah, he knows.

Houdini and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

became good friends.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,
he wrote Sherlock Holmes...

and all that stuff.

Arthur Conan Doyle, he was like,

spiritualism is the [bleep]!

I love it!

This is how everything needs to happen.

This is... Whatever this religion is,

this needs... everyone needs to know this.

Houdini held his tongue.
He knew it was bull[Bleep].

sir Arthur Conan Doyle was like,

I want you to sit down
and have this seance,

and I have... my wife is going to speak

your mother's words through handwriting.

Really?

Houdini, shut the [bleep] up.

Just quiet down.

I know you're skeptical.
Let's just do this.

The... one, two, three, four...

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, his wife is like,

yay! We're all here.
We're doing this seance.

Let's speak to Houdini's mother.

So then what happened?

Oh!

My son, I'm so happy to speak to you!

Oh, this is so wonderful!

Oh, thank God for you and
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle!

Mr. Sherlock...

Okay, Well, mother, um...

can you read my mind?

[laughs] of course!

I've always read my son's mind.

This is... this is great!

- Uh, um, yes.
- [Wand clatters]

I... sorry I dropped that wand.

But yes, I'm gonna put a
cross on top of this thing.

She wrote a cross on the top of the thing.

Mrs. Houdini was Jewish.

After Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and his wife

[Bleep]ed him over, he realized that...

who he... one, two, three, four...

He... he became angry. He's like, [bleep]!

I'm going to falsify every
[bleep]ing spiritualist

that I come across.

Houdini would go around in disguise

to every spiritualist
medium that he could find

and would discredit 'em,

like, I wanna talk about my dead son.

And the spiritualist was like,

Oh, well, your son is
so-and-so and doing this.

And he's like, hey! [Bleep] you!

I'm Houdini!

I'm not that guy you just saw.

[bleep] off.

[whispering] One, two, three.

All right, so what do you wanna know?

What was the "One, two, three"?

where did that... where
did you start doing that?

[laughs]

I do it so when I know,
like, when I'm too drunk...

One, two, three...

That I can be... [laughs]

that I can be good to
myself, which is not working,

but it's fine.

So near the end of his career,

Houdini went into a college town.

One of the college students
came through and was like,

hey! So I hear that you can
take any punch in the world.

He was like, yes, I can. Whatever, yeah.

I can take whatever
punch you [bleep]ing want.

Okay, well, I wanna test this out.

Thing is, Houdini needs to,
like, stretch his muscles.

He didn't have enough time to do that.

The kid just [bleep]ing
punches him right there.

And he's like, okay. This [bleep]ing sucks.

[belches]

I have to put on a [bleep]ing show,

because I'm Houdini.

I have to put on a [bleep]ing
good show for my tour.

He goes on stage and does his show.

104 temperature.

He's [bleep]ing terrible.

One guy who'd seen his
show eight times was like,

something's wrong.

After the first act, he passes out.

They revive him.

He goes through, he does the second act.

After the second act, he passes out again.

So his wife's like, you
need to go to the hospital.

Your appendix has ruptured.

At the same time that Houdini
was against spiritualism,

he still asked his wife Bess,

if I die, I want you to
hold a seance every year.

If, during the seance,
these words come through

and whatnot, then you know that it's me.

If not, [bleep] you, it's someone else.

He passes out again. They revive him.

[retching]

So do you feel better?

I feel 100% better.

Show must go [bleep]ing on.

He does the third act. [Bleep] happens.

After a while... I mean,
he's in complete agony.

His... his, you know...

Bile, everything's coming
out of his appendix.

Everything's going wrong.

I... it's obviously too late
for him to deal with it.

He died in Detroit, uh, on Halloween.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
was like, it sucks he died.

People think it's because of the punch.

Truthfully, the doctor's like,

you know what? He already had appendicitis.

So it's fine.

For ten years, on Halloween,
they'd have the seance,

and they would be there like, oh, Houdini,

if you can break through...

I... it didn't happen.

Houdini's wife Bess is like, you know what?

He's lived on for all these many years,

but ten years is long
enough to wait for any man.

So I have to extinguish his light.

I apologize.

They still do a seance to
see if he can break through,

and he still has not.

- What's your name?
- Hi, my name is secrets.

Pardon me. [Snickers]

[both laughing]

Very subtle.

Oh! Look at me!

I'm a "magi-shurans"!

[laughter]

[patriotic music]

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