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- Mary Ellen Pleasant
is the mother of civil rights
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00:00:18,104 --> 00:00:19,366
in California.
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00:00:19,406 --> 00:00:21,636
Here's my money.
Here's $30,000
4
00:00:21,674 --> 00:00:23,437
so you can buy guns
and stuff.
5
00:00:23,476 --> 00:00:27,412
- Mark Twain gets his start...
as Mark Twain,
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00:00:27,447 --> 00:00:32,885
but he's telling some fucking
drunk riverboat captain's story.
7
00:00:32,919 --> 00:00:34,079
Yeah.
8
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:37,453
It gets that dirty
in the frog jumping world.
9
00:00:37,490 --> 00:00:39,082
- The next time
we see Patty Hearst,
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00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:41,218
she's got a machine gun
at a bank,
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00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:44,128
and she's like,
my new name is Tania.
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00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:46,029
Get the fuck down.
13
00:00:46,066 --> 00:00:49,035
[Patriotic music]
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00:00:49,069 --> 00:00:57,527
?
? Ripped By mstoll
15
00:01:01,714 --> 00:01:06,151
- San Francisco was built
on, like, thieves and whores,
16
00:01:06,186 --> 00:01:09,417
and this is a place where
the freaks and weirdoes come
17
00:01:09,456 --> 00:01:11,447
where they feel
they can be accepted,
18
00:01:11,491 --> 00:01:15,791
and that is where
some of them can be.
19
00:01:15,829 --> 00:01:19,128
The Gold Rush was
a bunch of poor men
20
00:01:19,165 --> 00:01:21,065
running to where
they could get money,
21
00:01:21,101 --> 00:01:23,661
um, getting money
where you can,
22
00:01:23,703 --> 00:01:24,863
and it still is.
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00:01:24,904 --> 00:01:26,769
Like, Twitter, Facebook,
24
00:01:26,806 --> 00:01:29,502
whatever, you know?
It's, like, the new shit.
25
00:01:29,542 --> 00:01:33,478
Like, oh, let's fucking
make a gold mine on that.
26
00:01:33,513 --> 00:01:34,810
It's not titties and ass,
27
00:01:34,848 --> 00:01:39,785
but it's a whole nother angle
of that dangle.
28
00:01:39,819 --> 00:01:41,980
City by the Bay.
29
00:01:43,256 --> 00:01:46,225
- [Playing Toccata and Fugue
on organ]
30
00:01:46,259 --> 00:01:54,257
? ?
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00:01:57,504 --> 00:01:59,802
[organ stops]
I really want a drink.
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00:01:59,839 --> 00:02:00,931
[Organ continues]
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00:02:00,974 --> 00:02:02,373
Hello.
34
00:02:02,408 --> 00:02:05,809
Today, we're gonna talk
about Mary Ellen Pleasant,
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00:02:05,845 --> 00:02:09,406
the mother of civil rights
in California.
36
00:02:09,449 --> 00:02:14,011
Mary Ellen Pleasant
was a light-skinned black woman.
37
00:02:14,053 --> 00:02:15,418
She was a slave
38
00:02:15,455 --> 00:02:20,290
until one day a planter
bought her out of slavery
39
00:02:20,326 --> 00:02:22,157
and made her a free woman.
40
00:02:22,195 --> 00:02:24,288
So when she went
to California,
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00:02:24,330 --> 00:02:27,925
she pretended
that she was a white woman.
42
00:02:27,967 --> 00:02:29,867
Now, first off,
she was a chef,
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00:02:29,903 --> 00:02:33,304
and people are coming in
and she's cooking for them.
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00:02:33,339 --> 00:02:34,806
And people love her.
45
00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:38,038
People had started bidding for
her to be their personal chef.
46
00:02:38,077 --> 00:02:41,774
And she was like, you know what,
fuck all that.
47
00:02:41,814 --> 00:02:43,475
I'm gonna open
my own restaurant.
48
00:02:43,516 --> 00:02:47,145
She was head bitch
in charge.
49
00:02:47,187 --> 00:02:49,052
She had made
some shit happen.
50
00:02:49,088 --> 00:02:53,184
She had made shit happen
for, like, black people...
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00:02:53,226 --> 00:02:54,488
getting jobs.
52
00:02:54,527 --> 00:02:58,827
So as a white woman,
she started opening restaurants.
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00:02:58,865 --> 00:03:00,890
She owned laundries.
54
00:03:00,934 --> 00:03:02,697
She owned boarding houses.
55
00:03:02,735 --> 00:03:04,896
She started getting
black people hired
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00:03:04,938 --> 00:03:08,305
for positions they'd never
normally be hired for
57
00:03:08,341 --> 00:03:09,740
at that time.
58
00:03:09,776 --> 00:03:13,268
This woman was
a Renaissance Woman.
59
00:03:13,313 --> 00:03:15,611
In the late 1850s,
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00:03:15,648 --> 00:03:19,209
Mary Ellen Pleasant
is making a ton of fucking money
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00:03:19,252 --> 00:03:20,810
in California,
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00:03:20,853 --> 00:03:23,947
but she said, even though
I'm kinda, like, light-skinned
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00:03:23,990 --> 00:03:25,355
and I get along
with everybody
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00:03:25,391 --> 00:03:26,585
and everybody thinks
I'm white
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00:03:26,626 --> 00:03:28,150
and I could live
a very comfortable life
66
00:03:28,194 --> 00:03:30,219
if I wanted to...
pfft!
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00:03:30,263 --> 00:03:32,254
Pfft!
Fuck that.
68
00:03:32,298 --> 00:03:33,765
She took that money
69
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,768
and she started
doing some shit.
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00:03:35,802 --> 00:03:37,030
During this time,
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00:03:37,070 --> 00:03:39,595
she'd been actively
freeing slaves.
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00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:41,630
She said, you know what,
James Brown.
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00:03:41,674 --> 00:03:45,007
No, it's John Brown.
[Laughing]
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00:03:45,044 --> 00:03:48,536
John Brown,
a famous abolitionist,
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00:03:48,581 --> 00:03:49,707
who was a white man,
76
00:03:49,749 --> 00:03:52,240
you know,
he's trying to free slaves.
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00:03:52,285 --> 00:03:54,776
Here's my money.
Here's $30,000
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00:03:54,821 --> 00:03:56,846
so you can buy guns and stuff.
79
00:03:56,889 --> 00:03:59,357
They buy land in Canada
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00:03:59,392 --> 00:04:02,725
because they're gonna open
a home and a farm
81
00:04:02,762 --> 00:04:05,230
so that these freed slaves
can go live.
82
00:04:05,265 --> 00:04:08,234
John Brown gets caught,
83
00:04:08,268 --> 00:04:12,671
and they find a letter on him
that says something like,
84
00:04:12,705 --> 00:04:15,173
hey, I'm in support of you
85
00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:17,233
and I'm gonna keep being
in support of you.
86
00:04:17,277 --> 00:04:22,078
Just make
some shit happen.
87
00:04:22,115 --> 00:04:26,176
And instead of M.E.P.,
it looked like W.E.P.
88
00:04:26,219 --> 00:04:27,743
So it was published
everywhere.
89
00:04:27,787 --> 00:04:33,419
Everybody be on the lookout
for some dick named W.E.P.
90
00:04:36,829 --> 00:04:39,662
Where was I at,
historically?
91
00:04:39,699 --> 00:04:43,226
At that time, she was in love
with a man named Thomas Bell.
92
00:04:43,269 --> 00:04:44,361
[Romantic music playing]
93
00:04:44,404 --> 00:04:46,463
He was a Scotsman.
94
00:04:46,506 --> 00:04:48,497
He was a businessman,
95
00:04:48,541 --> 00:04:51,942
and she loved him.
[Chair creaking]
96
00:04:51,978 --> 00:04:53,036
[Music stops]
97
00:04:53,079 --> 00:04:55,547
That is...
that was not me farting.
98
00:04:55,581 --> 00:04:57,549
That's... the... chair.
99
00:04:57,583 --> 00:05:02,714
And they had businesses
together,
100
00:05:02,755 --> 00:05:04,347
I mean, laundries,
101
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:07,257
and blah, blah, blah,
and bullshit.
102
00:05:07,293 --> 00:05:10,285
And together,
they amassed a fortune
103
00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:15,495
of $30 million.
104
00:05:15,535 --> 00:05:18,800
Which, like, nowadays...
105
00:05:18,838 --> 00:05:24,504
is like a batrillion gillion
a-dollars.
106
00:05:26,946 --> 00:05:30,438
In, like, one
of the "censuseses,"
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00:05:30,483 --> 00:05:35,284
she outted herself
as a black woman.
108
00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:40,916
When the love of her life,
Thomas Bell, died,
109
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,656
people started talking
about her badly.
110
00:05:43,696 --> 00:05:45,630
They...
what's it called?
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00:05:45,665 --> 00:05:48,998
They "dismissinated" her.
112
00:05:49,035 --> 00:05:52,129
They "shenamenanated" her.
113
00:05:52,171 --> 00:05:54,503
They [talking gibberish] her.
[Laughing]
114
00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:57,509
No, but really.
They said terrible things.
115
00:05:57,543 --> 00:06:00,512
She eats babies.
She steals babies.
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00:06:00,546 --> 00:06:03,310
She does this, she's a whore,
she's a whore madam.
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00:06:03,349 --> 00:06:04,782
She's a this,
she's a that.
118
00:06:04,817 --> 00:06:07,877
That's when they gave her
the name "Mammy."
119
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,980
And they called her
"Mammy Pleasant."
120
00:06:12,091 --> 00:06:14,355
The fuck's that about?
121
00:06:14,394 --> 00:06:15,861
And you know what,
in the end,
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00:06:15,895 --> 00:06:20,059
she made money
like a true American,
123
00:06:20,099 --> 00:06:23,398
and she fought
for people's freedom and rights
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00:06:23,436 --> 00:06:26,200
like a true the most American.
125
00:06:26,239 --> 00:06:29,606
She did exactly
what she wanted to do
126
00:06:29,642 --> 00:06:33,339
and said, "I'd rather be
a corpse than a coward."
127
00:06:33,379 --> 00:06:37,213
I'm free,
I want y'all to be free,
128
00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:39,514
and I want me to be free.
129
00:06:41,053 --> 00:06:43,749
Fuck you, fuck you,
fuck you.
130
00:06:43,790 --> 00:06:45,155
And p.s. I count
131
00:06:45,191 --> 00:06:49,719
'cause I'm a motherfucking
person, dickfaces.
132
00:06:51,597 --> 00:06:53,758
There's some park
in San Francisco
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00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:58,601
that is dedicated to her,
and she haunts it.
134
00:06:58,638 --> 00:07:00,003
- Now, why would she
haunt something
135
00:07:00,039 --> 00:07:02,303
that pays tribute to her?
136
00:07:02,341 --> 00:07:05,208
- 'Cause it's the smallest
motherfucking park
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00:07:05,244 --> 00:07:06,939
in San Francisco.
138
00:07:06,979 --> 00:07:08,742
- That's an angry ghost.
139
00:07:08,781 --> 00:07:10,305
- I don't know if she's angry.
140
00:07:10,349 --> 00:07:12,681
Can ghosts be angry?
They're already dead.
141
00:07:12,718 --> 00:07:14,185
What are they pissed off
about?
142
00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:15,551
- That they're dead.
143
00:07:15,588 --> 00:07:19,319
- Yeah, I guess it depends
what you feel about things.
144
00:07:19,358 --> 00:07:20,848
- [Laughs]
[Chair creaking]
145
00:07:20,893 --> 00:07:23,418
- Again,
that wasn't me farting.
146
00:07:25,832 --> 00:07:29,928
- Mark Twain starts taking on,
like, the local politicians
147
00:07:29,969 --> 00:07:31,459
and police force.
148
00:07:31,504 --> 00:07:34,530
He's a fucking
America's most wanted.
149
00:07:44,217 --> 00:07:47,084
- I love Mark Twain.
He started in San Francisco.
150
00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:50,577
He came to the city
and became a...
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00:07:50,623 --> 00:07:52,784
kind of a, uh,
ambassador.
152
00:07:52,825 --> 00:07:54,122
San Francisco is
an excellent place
153
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,652
to discover who you are
and who you want to be.
154
00:07:57,697 --> 00:08:00,393
Ahh!
[Singing]
155
00:08:00,433 --> 00:08:02,924
Hello, America!
156
00:08:02,969 --> 00:08:04,834
- [Laughs]
- Za-zoom!
157
00:08:04,871 --> 00:08:07,601
I'm just a guy that likes
to wear ladies' lingerie.
158
00:08:09,141 --> 00:08:12,133
- Hello.
159
00:08:12,178 --> 00:08:14,373
My name is Derrick Beckles.
160
00:08:14,413 --> 00:08:16,779
And today we're gonna talk
about Samuel Clemens,
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00:08:16,816 --> 00:08:19,376
aka Mark Twain.
162
00:08:19,418 --> 00:08:20,851
Wow.
163
00:08:22,488 --> 00:08:25,389
Samuel Clemens,
he was from Missouri.
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00:08:25,424 --> 00:08:29,121
He grows up along,
like, the Mississippi.
165
00:08:29,161 --> 00:08:30,856
In his heart,
he wanted to be a writer,
166
00:08:30,897 --> 00:08:32,296
and it wasn't going well.
167
00:08:32,331 --> 00:08:34,458
"Mark Twain!"
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00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,525
Is what the riverboat captain
would scream.
169
00:08:36,569 --> 00:08:38,662
He was like,
oh, that's clever.
170
00:08:38,704 --> 00:08:40,296
So when he goes out West,
171
00:08:40,339 --> 00:08:43,035
he starts writing under
the pseudonym of Mark Twain,
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00:08:43,075 --> 00:08:44,542
which nobody in the West
understands
173
00:08:44,577 --> 00:08:45,771
what the fuck that is.
174
00:08:45,811 --> 00:08:46,971
When he's writing
under this name,
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00:08:47,013 --> 00:08:49,140
I guess maybe he feels
a bit more emboldened.
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00:08:49,181 --> 00:08:50,876
He's got a bit of a name
for himself,
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00:08:50,917 --> 00:08:53,181
but he pisses off
the wrong people.
178
00:08:53,219 --> 00:08:57,087
The person who he wrote about
was not pleased.
179
00:08:57,123 --> 00:08:59,489
Well, he was just like, ooh,
you wrote something about me.
180
00:08:59,525 --> 00:09:02,085
You wrote something about me
in the newspaper.
181
00:09:02,128 --> 00:09:03,390
[Belches]
182
00:09:03,429 --> 00:09:06,159
And, uh...
ha!
183
00:09:06,198 --> 00:09:08,325
Okay, where am I right now?
184
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:11,097
I don't remember
where I am right now.
185
00:09:11,137 --> 00:09:12,331
[Laughs]
186
00:09:12,371 --> 00:09:14,532
Not co... not cool.
[Laughs]
187
00:09:14,574 --> 00:09:16,235
I'm gonna challenge you
to a duel.
188
00:09:16,275 --> 00:09:18,300
I'm gonna blow
your fucking head off.
189
00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:20,209
Meet me on the street,
3:00.
190
00:09:20,246 --> 00:09:23,238
And Mark Twain's like,
all right, let's do this thing.
191
00:09:24,617 --> 00:09:28,610
Oh, you can't duel in Nevada.
192
00:09:28,654 --> 00:09:30,747
So he was, like,
breaking federal law.
193
00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:32,587
So he went to San Francisco.
194
00:09:32,625 --> 00:09:35,458
He was just
a master provocateur.
195
00:09:35,494 --> 00:09:38,725
He starts taking on,
like, the local politicians
196
00:09:38,764 --> 00:09:40,095
and police force.
197
00:09:40,132 --> 00:09:41,861
He would just, like,
take jabs at them
198
00:09:41,901 --> 00:09:44,893
in his writing for the local
newspapers and shit.
199
00:09:46,806 --> 00:09:49,172
He was just like, pfft.
Okay, what do I do next?
200
00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:52,268
Mark Twain fucked up.
201
00:09:52,311 --> 00:09:56,475
He is straight-up
a fucking America's most wanted.
202
00:09:56,515 --> 00:09:59,609
And he goes out
to the middle of fucking nowhere
203
00:09:59,652 --> 00:10:04,112
and hangs out at the local
fucking watering hole, saloon,
204
00:10:04,156 --> 00:10:06,852
and there's a guy
who's hanging out there
205
00:10:06,892 --> 00:10:09,827
who constantly spins yarns.
206
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:12,228
Oh, I got a story.
My name's Ben Coon.
207
00:10:12,264 --> 00:10:13,629
I got another story
for you.
208
00:10:13,666 --> 00:10:16,157
And they're like,
fucking I don't wanna hear it.
209
00:10:16,202 --> 00:10:17,760
I don't wanna hear it
no more.
210
00:10:17,803 --> 00:10:20,135
I know what I'm talking about.
I know what I'm talking about!
211
00:10:21,674 --> 00:10:26,407
There's Mark Twain
sitting at the back of the bar.
212
00:10:26,445 --> 00:10:29,471
Uh, I'll fucking listen.
213
00:10:29,515 --> 00:10:31,574
Ben Coon's like,
finally.
214
00:10:31,617 --> 00:10:33,812
Somebody's gonna fucking listen
to my bullshit.
215
00:10:33,853 --> 00:10:36,344
So he's like,
okay, here's the deal.
216
00:10:36,389 --> 00:10:38,414
There's these two dudes
217
00:10:38,457 --> 00:10:40,823
are pitting frogs
against each other
218
00:10:40,860 --> 00:10:42,760
in a leaping contest.
219
00:10:42,795 --> 00:10:44,786
So everybody else is just like,
god damn it,
220
00:10:44,830 --> 00:10:46,889
I've heard this fucking story
100 times.
221
00:10:46,932 --> 00:10:52,199
And one man sabotages
the other man's leaping frog
222
00:10:52,238 --> 00:10:56,197
by feeding him
lead-filled buckshot
223
00:10:56,242 --> 00:11:00,872
so that the opponent's frog
can't jump as high.
224
00:11:00,913 --> 00:11:02,175
Yeah.
225
00:11:02,214 --> 00:11:05,741
It gets that dirty
in the frog jumping world.
226
00:11:05,785 --> 00:11:07,548
Anyways,
Mark Twain's just like,
227
00:11:07,586 --> 00:11:09,816
this is an awesome
fucking story.
228
00:11:09,855 --> 00:11:12,449
Yes! I'm gonna write
about this shit.
229
00:11:12,491 --> 00:11:14,891
Mark Twain goes back
to his typewriter
230
00:11:14,927 --> 00:11:17,225
or whatever the fuck...
his computer...
231
00:11:17,263 --> 00:11:18,787
and goes, brrrrr.
232
00:11:18,831 --> 00:11:23,962
I'm gonna transcribe this
in this dulled-down,
233
00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:26,403
everyman's storytelling.
234
00:11:26,439 --> 00:11:27,770
Bang!
235
00:11:27,807 --> 00:11:31,436
That story gets picked up
and becomes a fucking huge hit.
236
00:11:31,477 --> 00:11:34,708
And it's described as
"the story of the day!"
237
00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:38,410
Mark Twain
has hit the shit.
238
00:11:38,451 --> 00:11:43,912
What he's done
is amazing.
239
00:11:43,956 --> 00:11:46,356
So it becomes
the story of the day
240
00:11:46,392 --> 00:11:49,520
and it just, like,
spreads to every newspaper,
241
00:11:49,562 --> 00:11:51,962
and Mark Twain
gets his start...
242
00:11:51,997 --> 00:11:53,521
as Mark Twain.
243
00:11:53,566 --> 00:11:58,594
But he's telling some fucking
drunk riverboat captain's story
244
00:11:58,637 --> 00:12:02,300
of a fucking frog
filled with lead.
245
00:12:02,341 --> 00:12:03,831
Blah, blah, pbbt.
246
00:12:03,876 --> 00:12:08,245
His signature becomes
this dumbed-down vernacular.
247
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,339
He, like, laments,
248
00:12:10,382 --> 00:12:12,873
oh, I'm only known
for this frog story.
249
00:12:12,918 --> 00:12:14,943
But that was his jump...
250
00:12:14,987 --> 00:12:17,581
this frog story
was his jumping off point.
251
00:12:17,623 --> 00:12:20,285
He became this, like,
252
00:12:20,326 --> 00:12:23,454
sloe gin...
253
00:12:23,496 --> 00:12:27,455
porch...
254
00:12:31,003 --> 00:12:36,373
storytelling...
255
00:12:36,408 --> 00:12:39,309
patriarch.
256
00:12:39,345 --> 00:12:43,406
And I think the Mark Twain
that became the Mark Twain
257
00:12:43,449 --> 00:12:47,818
was like a Liberace
that became the Liberace.
258
00:12:49,922 --> 00:12:51,412
- Then all of a sudden,
she opened the door
259
00:12:51,457 --> 00:12:52,788
and they all came pouring in.
260
00:12:52,825 --> 00:12:54,019
And they're like, ahh!
261
00:12:54,059 --> 00:12:57,119
And they beat up
the math teacher, strangle her.
262
00:13:06,272 --> 00:13:07,637
- Well, San Francisco's
interesting
263
00:13:07,673 --> 00:13:10,642
because its history,
there's cool people,
264
00:13:10,676 --> 00:13:13,372
there's beauty,
there's architecture,
265
00:13:13,412 --> 00:13:18,349
there's art and hills
and water.
266
00:13:18,384 --> 00:13:22,286
It's like New York
but on the water.
267
00:13:22,321 --> 00:13:23,811
It's really nice.
268
00:13:23,856 --> 00:13:26,290
I say we have
the actual tequila.
269
00:13:26,325 --> 00:13:27,724
- Yes, that is... chilling.
270
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,560
- With the orange juice
that we just squeezed.
271
00:13:31,597 --> 00:13:35,260
- I say we put that in there
after we do a quick shot.
272
00:13:35,301 --> 00:13:37,132
- I never do shots.
I always sip it.
273
00:13:37,169 --> 00:13:41,071
I should just do a shot,
right?
274
00:13:41,106 --> 00:13:43,768
[Coughing]
275
00:13:43,809 --> 00:13:45,504
Well, hello.
276
00:13:45,544 --> 00:13:50,538
Today, we're going to talk about
the kidnapping of Patty Hearst.
277
00:13:52,218 --> 00:13:55,813
So Patty Hearst descended
from William Randolph Hearst.
278
00:13:55,855 --> 00:14:00,519
He is a very wealthy man,
and her dad is Randolph Hearst,
279
00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:04,086
but essentially,
they own all of media.
280
00:14:04,129 --> 00:14:07,223
And so, you know,
she's from that kind of...
281
00:14:07,266 --> 00:14:08,858
the people
who made the country.
282
00:14:08,901 --> 00:14:11,802
At 19, Patty Hearst
was living in Berkeley
283
00:14:11,837 --> 00:14:14,271
in this nice apartment
that her parents are paying for.
284
00:14:14,306 --> 00:14:16,797
So they're sitting at home,
285
00:14:16,842 --> 00:14:20,608
and she's reading
in her bathrobe with her fiance.
286
00:14:22,681 --> 00:14:24,979
And then there's, like,
a knock at the door.
287
00:14:25,017 --> 00:14:26,348
[Dog barking]
288
00:14:26,385 --> 00:14:28,853
No, Cutie, it's okay, it's okay.
It's fake.
289
00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,515
[Dog barking]
290
00:14:30,556 --> 00:14:31,887
They didn't have dogs.
291
00:14:31,924 --> 00:14:34,324
Quiet!
Quiet, quiet, quiet!
292
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:35,657
She opens the door.
293
00:14:35,694 --> 00:14:37,161
Like, oh, can we help you?
294
00:14:37,196 --> 00:14:39,027
We ran out of gas money.
Blah, blah, blah.
295
00:14:39,064 --> 00:14:41,055
And then all of a sudden,
they all came pouring in.
296
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,294
And they're like, ahh!
297
00:14:42,334 --> 00:14:43,596
And they beat up
the math teacher,
298
00:14:43,636 --> 00:14:46,662
strangle her,
take her captive.
299
00:14:46,705 --> 00:14:50,664
Bring her in a van
over to their headquarters.
300
00:14:50,709 --> 00:14:52,973
She's blindfolded.
She's gagged.
301
00:14:53,012 --> 00:14:56,038
I don't know if she's gagged.
She's definitely blindfolded.
302
00:14:56,081 --> 00:14:57,548
They put her in this closet
303
00:14:57,583 --> 00:15:00,677
that's, like,
the size of a closet.
304
00:15:00,719 --> 00:15:03,347
And she doesn't know
what's happening, really.
305
00:15:03,389 --> 00:15:07,917
So it's 57 days
she's in this room.
306
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,985
So finally, one day,
307
00:15:10,029 --> 00:15:12,224
they let her get out
of the closet,
308
00:15:12,264 --> 00:15:15,290
and they take off
her blindfold.
309
00:15:15,334 --> 00:15:18,735
And she looks out
and she sees all the people.
310
00:15:18,771 --> 00:15:20,966
She's like, oh, my god,
you're so beautiful.
311
00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:22,837
Oh, who are these peo...
312
00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:24,502
like, you guys like...
you're my mommy.
313
00:15:24,543 --> 00:15:28,343
This is essentially
what Stockholm syndrome is.
314
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:31,816
That was the Symbionese
Liberation Army.
315
00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:35,581
First of all,
"Symbionese" is not a word.
316
00:15:35,621 --> 00:15:37,714
It's... they kinda made it up.
317
00:15:37,756 --> 00:15:40,054
They're not the brightest people
in the world.
318
00:15:40,092 --> 00:15:42,959
Now your name's Tania,
319
00:15:42,995 --> 00:15:45,589
and this is your new life.
320
00:15:45,631 --> 00:15:47,861
And she's like...
321
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,367
okay.
322
00:15:49,401 --> 00:15:51,460
[Upbeat rock]
323
00:15:51,503 --> 00:15:52,834
And then they do
a photo shoot,
324
00:15:52,871 --> 00:15:55,965
and she puts a beret on
and a machine gun,
325
00:15:56,008 --> 00:15:59,409
and she's, like,
all with the S.L.A.
326
00:15:59,445 --> 00:16:02,346
So she started recording
these audio tapes
327
00:16:02,381 --> 00:16:03,939
and sending them
to her parents.
328
00:16:03,983 --> 00:16:07,316
Mom, dad, I'm okay.
329
00:16:07,353 --> 00:16:10,618
But I need you to feed
every poor person.
330
00:16:10,656 --> 00:16:12,886
That ends up being
like 300,000.
331
00:16:12,925 --> 00:16:14,950
$300 million.
332
00:16:14,994 --> 00:16:17,326
They're already stupid.
Like, they could not count.
333
00:16:17,363 --> 00:16:19,456
And the Hearsts are like,
we don't have that much money.
334
00:16:19,498 --> 00:16:22,023
We'll give you $3 million.
335
00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:24,001
Whatever, dude.
336
00:16:25,871 --> 00:16:28,897
I mean, can you imagine?
337
00:16:28,941 --> 00:16:33,469
So they started all these, like,
um, food kinda trucks
338
00:16:33,512 --> 00:16:36,106
on the corners
of San Francisco,
339
00:16:36,148 --> 00:16:37,843
and they would start,
like, distributing foods.
340
00:16:37,883 --> 00:16:40,351
And then they said
they wanted even more.
341
00:16:40,386 --> 00:16:42,980
Mom, dad,
there was no beef or lamb.
342
00:16:43,022 --> 00:16:44,319
That's not the kind of food
343
00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:45,914
that you should be giving
to poor people.
344
00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:47,892
That food sucked.
345
00:16:47,926 --> 00:16:49,951
Meanwhile, everyone's, like,
worried about her.
346
00:16:49,995 --> 00:16:52,361
Her family is freaking out.
347
00:16:52,398 --> 00:16:55,993
So they're just like,
what the fuck is happening?
348
00:16:56,035 --> 00:16:57,332
And they're dressed in black,
and they're saying,
349
00:16:57,369 --> 00:16:58,631
we don't know
what happened to Patty.
350
00:16:58,670 --> 00:16:59,659
What's gonna happen?
351
00:16:59,705 --> 00:17:01,036
And then she's like,
352
00:17:01,073 --> 00:17:03,041
mom, take off
that dumb black dress.
353
00:17:03,075 --> 00:17:06,203
It's not helping anything.
You're embarrassing us.
354
00:17:06,245 --> 00:17:08,805
Like, I'm not dead.
I'm alive,
355
00:17:08,847 --> 00:17:10,906
and I feel that
what you're doing is wrong,
356
00:17:10,949 --> 00:17:12,211
with being a rich person.
357
00:17:12,251 --> 00:17:15,687
And I'm here
to be part of the people...
358
00:17:15,721 --> 00:17:18,212
of the people people.
359
00:17:18,257 --> 00:17:22,057
Basically, what happens is
they decide...
360
00:17:26,765 --> 00:17:28,323
I forgot to pee.
361
00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:35,707
- Let me interrupt.
362
00:17:35,741 --> 00:17:36,901
- Good.
- No, I wanna do a...
363
00:17:36,942 --> 00:17:40,378
- Do a Jell-o shot with...
Come here... Lydia.
364
00:17:40,412 --> 00:17:41,936
Dave.
- Derek.
365
00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:44,210
- Derek.
- No, that's Dave.
366
00:17:44,249 --> 00:17:45,443
- So what do...
I've never done a Jell-o shot.
367
00:17:45,484 --> 00:17:46,849
- Put your finger in it.
368
00:17:46,885 --> 00:17:49,183
- You just give it a little stir
so everything goes down smooth.
369
00:17:49,221 --> 00:17:51,246
- Okay.
- More than that.
370
00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,621
You have, like, woman hands.
371
00:17:52,658 --> 00:17:54,717
- Give your finger a lick,
shake it up.
372
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,126
- Shake it up, then do it.
Mm-hmm.
373
00:17:57,162 --> 00:17:58,356
That's good, isn't it?
374
00:17:58,397 --> 00:18:00,797
- [Laughing]
- Isn't it good?
375
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:02,767
- It's kind of a bad decision
with your life...
376
00:18:02,801 --> 00:18:04,428
- Mm-hmm.
Bad decision.
377
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:06,097
- But it's efficient.
378
00:18:06,138 --> 00:18:08,072
- This does not taste good.
- No.
379
00:18:08,107 --> 00:18:09,301
- It tastes a little good.
380
00:18:17,049 --> 00:18:18,641
- The next time we see her,
381
00:18:18,684 --> 00:18:21,778
she's got a machine gun
at a bank,
382
00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:24,812
and she's like,
my new name is Tania.
383
00:18:24,857 --> 00:18:27,155
Get the fuck down.
384
00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:30,389
And so she's like,
doing this, like...
385
00:18:30,429 --> 00:18:34,024
you know, like, threatening
everybody in the bank.
386
00:18:34,066 --> 00:18:37,866
And she's kinda into it.
387
00:18:37,903 --> 00:18:40,872
It's in the news, and
her parents own the newspaper,
388
00:18:40,906 --> 00:18:43,773
so it's like...
it's... it's everywhere.
389
00:18:43,809 --> 00:18:46,243
People are like, Patty Hearst.
Where is she? What's happening?
390
00:18:46,278 --> 00:18:48,803
This is, like, all that the news
is talking about.
391
00:18:48,847 --> 00:18:51,042
What's happening
with Patty Hearst?
392
00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:54,541
And so this bank robbery
is the first time
393
00:18:54,586 --> 00:18:56,520
that she has, like,
been out in the public.
394
00:18:56,555 --> 00:18:59,319
And they don't catch her.
395
00:18:59,358 --> 00:19:02,850
And then, all of a sudden,
in L.A., there's a shooting.
396
00:19:02,895 --> 00:19:06,194
And the police are all there.
They start shooting.
397
00:19:06,231 --> 00:19:08,563
The whole house is just like...
becomes flames,
398
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:12,092
and everyone thinks
Patty Hearst is in the house.
399
00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:13,695
Well, here's what happens.
400
00:19:13,739 --> 00:19:16,503
Patty's still alive
and she's with this couple,
401
00:19:16,542 --> 00:19:20,308
watching it in a hotel
in Anaheim.
402
00:19:20,345 --> 00:19:23,974
Hi, Blanche.
Come here.
403
00:19:24,016 --> 00:19:27,247
So people...
404
00:19:27,286 --> 00:19:30,881
people start...
405
00:19:30,923 --> 00:19:32,982
what was I saying?
406
00:19:33,025 --> 00:19:35,220
[Laughing]
407
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:36,852
She moves to San Francisco,
408
00:19:36,895 --> 00:19:38,829
and she just starts, like,
living her life,
409
00:19:38,864 --> 00:19:40,798
going grocery shopping,
doing whatever.
410
00:19:40,832 --> 00:19:42,959
Then all of a sudden,
one day, like, on a errand,
411
00:19:43,001 --> 00:19:44,525
Patty Hearst gets spotted.
412
00:19:44,570 --> 00:19:46,902
Someone recognizes her.
413
00:19:50,809 --> 00:19:54,336
And when she comes into jail,
414
00:19:54,379 --> 00:19:56,472
she's gotta say
what her profession is,
415
00:19:56,515 --> 00:19:58,346
and she says
"urban guerilla."
416
00:19:58,383 --> 00:20:01,318
They sentence her
to 35 years in jail,
417
00:20:01,353 --> 00:20:05,312
and then after 22 months,
Carter commuted her.
418
00:20:05,357 --> 00:20:08,224
When she comes out of prison,
she is like,
419
00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:09,454
I'm so excited.
420
00:20:09,494 --> 00:20:11,928
I'm about to go on vacation.
421
00:20:11,964 --> 00:20:16,367
She's, like, a great example
of a really rich person
422
00:20:16,401 --> 00:20:19,962
who could've just, like,
stayed an idiot
423
00:20:20,005 --> 00:20:24,408
and who was like,
now I understand, like...
424
00:20:24,443 --> 00:20:26,206
what it's like.
425
00:20:26,245 --> 00:20:30,045
She was really attractive.
426
00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:40,881
I have to get some water.
- Okay.
427
00:20:40,926 --> 00:20:43,895
[Patriotic music]
428
00:20:43,929 --> 00:20:51,927
? ?
429
00:21:06,518 --> 00:21:07,678
- Like, I don't...
your affect is,
430
00:21:07,719 --> 00:21:09,949
like, what you're showing
to the world.
431
00:21:09,988 --> 00:21:12,320
- Oh, shit.
- Your affect is so flat.
432
00:21:12,357 --> 00:21:15,451
Which is... that means that
whatever you say is just like...
433
00:21:15,494 --> 00:21:16,984
[mouthing words]
434
00:21:17,029 --> 00:21:19,623
- So I'm like
a Charlie McCarthy dummy.
435
00:21:19,665 --> 00:21:26,757
- You're a goldfish.
Ripped By mstoll
436
00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:31,357
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