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1
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:03,740
I can't believe
you've thrown it away!
2
00:00:03,780 --> 00:00:05,980
What about my
precious memories, Mum?
3
00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:08,180
Meg, I'm packing,
I haven't really got time for this.
4
00:00:08,220 --> 00:00:10,980
What do you even want your
old school uniform for?
5
00:00:11,020 --> 00:00:13,220
Eh, the school reunion!
6
00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:17,260
I was gonna wear it. As a gag,
obviously! An icebreaker.
7
00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:21,060
Gags are what I was known for.
That and pissing myself...
8
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,180
Ha, then I did you
a favour, love.
9
00:00:23,220 --> 00:00:24,780
Nothing more unattractive
10
00:00:24,820 --> 00:00:27,020
than a fully-grown woman
in a school uniform.
11
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:30,100
I think Google would beg to differ.
12
00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:32,940
So, er, when are you coming
back exactly?
13
00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:36,980
Well... Where's the lube, Jen?
14
00:00:38,260 --> 00:00:42,260
Meg's here, Frank.
15
00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:47,860
Hi, Meg.
16
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:51,100
The lube you probably heard
me shout then,
17
00:00:51,140 --> 00:00:53,460
that's lubricant...
18
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:56,060
..for the bikes,
for the weekend.
19
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:59,860
What bikes?
Mountain bikes.
20
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:02,540
You don't have mountain bikes.
21
00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:06,300
No. No, we don't, but
we're gonna hire some.
22
00:01:06,340 --> 00:01:09,460
BMX-style we thought would
be best for us.
23
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:11,140
And we thought,
24
00:01:11,180 --> 00:01:14,340
"We're gonna need a really
reliable source of lubrication."
25
00:01:14,380 --> 00:01:16,020
So, better safe than sorry.
26
00:01:16,060 --> 00:01:20,060
You never really can be too careful,
lubrication-wise.
27
00:01:22,860 --> 00:01:26,860
Sorry, I appear to have wandered
into a Freudian nightmare.
28
00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:35,180
# I'm so excited
29
00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:40,220
Someday, someday, Leeds United.
30
00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:46,820
You all right?
I am more than all right, fella.
31
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:49,540
Old Megingtons here played has
pulled an absolute blinder
32
00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:52,580
and made us all some
cold, hard cashish money.
33
00:01:52,620 --> 00:01:56,420
How? Did you finally give the guy
in the key cutters a handy?
34
00:01:56,460 --> 00:02:00,340
Nope. I have subletted our flat lat
for the weekend.
35
00:02:00,380 --> 00:02:02,780
You're welcome. Nice one, Meg!
36
00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:05,580
Cool! Wait - is that cool?
37
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:09,340
Where we gonna live?
Mum and Dad are away. Free house.
38
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:13,140
Boom. We are looking at
a weekend of pube-free baths,
39
00:02:13,180 --> 00:02:16,180
Babybel in the fridge
and Clueless on VHS.
40
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,980
We are going to turn up to the
school reunion brunch
41
00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:20,700
looking so bloody rested
42
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,860
they're gonna think we're
actually schoolgirls.
43
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,940
Yes! I don't know why you both care
about this
44
00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:28,140
stupid school reunion brunch,
it's gonna be shit.
45
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:30,100
Everyone knows that brunch is
the worst meal.
46
00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:32,380
It's got booze, but you're not
allowed to get mega lashed
47
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:33,900
because "it's morning".
48
00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:35,060
SHE HUFFS
49
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:37,740
I like brunch.
Course you do, you're posh.
50
00:02:37,780 --> 00:02:39,900
Laura, this is our Romy
and Michele moment.
51
00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:42,180
Time to show all these bastards
we've made it.
52
00:02:42,220 --> 00:02:45,820
Show them we're the top of the
tree, the cream of the crop.
53
00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:49,860
How? By lying, mate.
And looking shit-hot.
54
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:53,020
Foolproof. I don't care about any of
those pricks.
55
00:02:53,060 --> 00:02:54,780
They don't even live here any more,
56
00:02:54,820 --> 00:02:56,780
they've all moved to London.
Traitors.
57
00:02:56,820 --> 00:03:00,100
What's so special about London
anyway? London's for mugs!
58
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:02,220
It's expensive and shit.
59
00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:04,980
Will Johnson doesn't live in London.
He lives in Buenos Aires.
60
00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:06,380
Oh, here we go.
61
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,940
He's a photographer now. He's got,
like, so many wish bracelets.
62
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:12,460
I'm gonna get him to take
my new headshots...
63
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,860
and fall in love with me.
64
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,060
How are you gonna do that?
65
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:17,420
Yep, that'll do it.
66
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:19,100
We've got unfinished business.
67
00:03:19,140 --> 00:03:23,140
He was the first boy to, you know,
stick his fingers in the till.
68
00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:27,540
Oooo-kay - packing time!
69
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,820
Yeah, there's a bit of a whiff from
the fridge, but it's nothing
70
00:03:32,860 --> 00:03:34,580
to worry about,
and that's your kettle,
71
00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:37,460
for your tea and what-have-you.
72
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,500
Them's your curtains.
73
00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:42,060
That is a thong, I'll move that.
74
00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:43,700
I don't like it, Mummy. It smells.
75
00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:45,700
Oh, we have to be here, pumpkin.
76
00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:48,340
Because your sister is graduating
and SOMEONE forgot to book
77
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:51,140
the Novotel in January
when I told him to,
78
00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:53,300
so this is the only place left.
79
00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:55,660
I mean, It does look like
a completely different flat
80
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:58,300
from the photographs.
81
00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:00,660
Does it?
Hm, that's weird.
82
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,620
Well, enjoy!
83
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:04,740
Oh, the toilet's
a little bit temperamental,
84
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:07,380
so there's a coat hanger
in there for...
85
00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:09,460
solids.
86
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:13,500
Mi casa, su casa. Laters...
87
00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:17,540
suckers.
88
00:04:19,940 --> 00:04:23,820
Come on.
89
00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:25,900
That's weird, the key won't go in.
90
00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:29,940
I'll call Dad.
91
00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:34,420
All right, Meg?
92
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:37,580
Hi, Dad.
Hope you're having a nice holiday.
93
00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:40,300
All it is..
Yeah, your key doesn't work.
94
00:04:40,340 --> 00:04:41,620
Maybe.
95
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:44,420
Yeah, we changed the locks.
What? Why?
96
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:46,260
Well, be honest, Meg you do have
a tendency
97
00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:48,700
to take advantage
when we're away, don't you?
98
00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:50,020
Go, Frank!
99
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,300
I do not!
100
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:53,980
Maybe this time, but...
101
00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:55,940
I can't
believe you've done this!
102
00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:59,180
I'm gonna have to sleep on the
street, I could get attacked.
103
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,220
You're not gonna get attacked, Meg.
104
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:03,460
You can't just turn
our house into a B&B.
105
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,580
What's the matter with
your own flat?
106
00:05:05,620 --> 00:05:08,140
I've turned it into a B&B.
LINE GOES DEAD
107
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,220
SHE SIGHS
108
00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:13,260
God, am I too old to call Childline?
This is actually really abusive.
109
00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:16,740
Come on, step aside.
Laura to the rescue.
110
00:05:16,780 --> 00:05:20,260
Gimme your bank card.
111
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:23,820
I'll show ya.
112
00:05:23,860 --> 00:05:25,580
Shit.
113
00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:27,940
OK. That didn't have any money
on it, did it?
114
00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:31,900
Yes. All of our the money from the
Airbnb, and thus, all our money.
115
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:35,940
Shitorama.
116
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,300
Believe me,
we would be delighted to leave
117
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,300
if there was anywhere else to go.
You've already taken our money!
118
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:46,100
No, no, no, look, we're not
asking you to leave.
119
00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:48,860
Yeah, we thought we'd all just
stay here together.
120
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,340
What are you going to do,
curl up at the bottom of the bed?
121
00:05:51,380 --> 00:05:55,220
If you like.
122
00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:58,260
Look, we'll just stay on the sofa,
you won't even know we're here.
123
00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,060
You are already teetering
on the brink
124
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:01,700
of a one-star rating,
young lady.
125
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:03,540
Why don't you stop bothering us
and go
126
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:07,580
and find some friends
to stay with?!
127
00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:10,740
How do you turn on the television?
Green button and AV...
128
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:12,380
1!
129
00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:16,420
OK. So...who are our other friends?
130
00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:23,340
Scott! Fancy seeing you here!
131
00:06:23,380 --> 00:06:26,700
At my own front door.
You joker.
132
00:06:26,740 --> 00:06:29,540
I'll, er, cut to the chase, man,
I know you're busy.
133
00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:33,580
MUFFLED: I wondered, will you keep
me company tonight? I'm so lonely.
134
00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:36,940
Bunny! She's gone rogue,
Scott, sorry.
135
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,940
You can't do "Sexy Baby",
we're supposed to be a team.
136
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,100
Listen, I've got
a client here who has just made
137
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:43,500
a very important breakthrough.
138
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:44,620
MAN SOBS
What do you want?
139
00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:48,660
So...we were trying to make
some cashish-monay by subletting
140
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:50,300
the old flat.
141
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:53,020
And let me guess -
you've got nowhere to stay.
142
00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:57,060
Just a bit! Yeah, teensy touch on
the homeless side, yes.
143
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:01,300
We were just taking advantage,
trying to make a quick buck.
144
00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:05,300
You know how it is, Scott,
you're a "psychiatrist".
145
00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:08,020
Right, firstly,
I'm a psychotherapist.
146
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:09,940
Potato, potato.
147
00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:13,780
And secondly, I only have one
bedroom, as you and Bunny well know.
148
00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:15,100
From the sex.
149
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:18,820
And thirdly, every time I spend any
time with you, I end up
150
00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:22,860
having to spend even more time with
my own psychotherapist, Dr Francis.
151
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:27,020
Maybe he's got somewhere
we can sleep?
152
00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:32,380
Right. Well, looks like it's an
alley rapin' for us tonight.
153
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:37,140
I suppose I'll sort it, shall I?
154
00:07:38,940 --> 00:07:42,940
LAURA KNOCKS DOOR
155
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:46,340
What are you doing, Gary?
Shirt-cocking?
156
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,940
Put some pants on,
mate, you've got company.
157
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:52,980
Now is not a good time.
158
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:56,180
You got someone in there?
Have you got some slag in there?!
159
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,580
Get out the way!
160
00:07:57,620 --> 00:08:01,620
Let me fucking see her,
I'm not having this, Gary.
161
00:08:03,260 --> 00:08:04,620
What the hell?
162
00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:06,780
MEDIEVAL-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS
163
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,220
This is how we die.
164
00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:12,260
Halt, 'tis the evil temptress,
the whore of Thearon - Laura!
165
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,460
Er, how does this crushed velvet
slag know my name, Gary?
166
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:16,740
What's going on?
167
00:08:16,780 --> 00:08:19,540
It's my guild. We've decided to
take it IRL for a bit.
168
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:22,660
What? Me guild! They've been helping
me through a tough time.
169
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:25,220
What kind of tough time?
Did your mum finally die?
170
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:27,540
Did you get that Princess Diana
plate? Can I have it?
171
00:08:27,580 --> 00:08:30,220
No, Laura! A difficult...break-up.
172
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,780
Oh, well you're not gonna get over
it mincing around
173
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:34,500
with these Gollums, are ya?
174
00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:38,540
Tell them to bugger off,
we need somewhere to sleep.
175
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:44,420
No. What?
No, Laura.
176
00:08:44,460 --> 00:08:48,460
You can stay, but if you do,
you have to participate.
177
00:08:49,340 --> 00:08:51,660
All of ya.
178
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:55,700
Jesus Christ.
Let's just get this over with then.
179
00:08:56,780 --> 00:09:00,660
You may proceed to cross the bridge.
180
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:03,260
What do you mean, the bridge?
I thought we were in the castle.
181
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,940
Keep up, Meg! The bridge troll
has just granted us our wish.
182
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,820
Which one's the bridge troll?
You called, milady?!
183
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:11,020
Urgh!
184
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:13,980
Well I wish to go to the
Magic Kingdom, aka bed.
185
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:17,380
Ha-ha, nice try.
We're playing standard GURP rules.
186
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:20,540
Not that you'd get that.
Lightning bolt! Plus ten!
187
00:09:20,580 --> 00:09:22,100
ALL GASP
188
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,460
Amulet, mirror spell,
lightning bolt reversed.
189
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:28,500
Agh! Oh!
190
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:34,220
You've...killed her.
191
00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:38,260
SHE MOANS
192
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:44,340
Well, I didn't mean
to kill her, did I?
193
00:09:44,380 --> 00:09:46,100
How did you know how to do that?
194
00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:47,900
What?
195
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:49,460
THEY SNIGGER
196
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,580
Are you a secret LARP-er?
197
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:53,380
No. Oh, my God.
198
00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:55,420
I just...
Oh, fuck off, Meg!
199
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:57,220
Tell it to the bridge troll, mate.
200
00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:58,900
No!
201
00:09:58,940 --> 00:10:00,820
Oh come on, Laura, it's only a joke.
202
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:03,500
Get out!
203
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,520
OK, guys. You know
I'm one for a jape
204
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:10,960
but it's actually quite cold now
205
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,040
and I want to look good
for the reunion tomorrow.
206
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,600
Yeah, well, what do you suggest?
207
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,320
We're locked out of the flat.
We've run out of friends.
208
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,280
Plus we've got ?14.35 between us.
209
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,320
?13.35. I bought a Pepperami.
210
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,360
When? Girls.
Let Mummy take care of this.
211
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,240
We're going to put on tomorrow's
glad rags, tart ourselves up,
212
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,800
go to the hottest bar in town,
find some totty
213
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,440
and then we'll go home with them.
214
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,440
So...prostitute ourselves. No!
215
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,160
We're not going to
have sex with them, silly.
216
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,520
We'll pretend that we might
217
00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:44,440
just so that we can go to someone's
flat and we'll crash there.
218
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,880
Good plan!
Hmm, sounds a bit risky.
219
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,440
Exactly!
220
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,000
If you've got it, flaunt it.
221
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:51,280
Not what I meant.
222
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,880
No offence, Meg, but where have
your morals ever got you?
223
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,920
MUSIC: Rinse and Repeat
by Riton featuring Kah-Lo
224
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,560
# Time to make the club grow up
Time to shut this bitch down
225
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,040
# This is not how I woke up
226
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,600
# But it's how I look now
227
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,720
# If you leave with me
228
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,040
# We'll be on till morn
229
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,240
Then we rinse and repeat...
230
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:10,720
Whoa.
231
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,760
You two are fine,
but this ain't happening.
232
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:18,880
What? I...I can take my blazer off.
233
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:25,120
Pub?
234
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,600
FRUIT MACHINE PLAYS
235
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,080
Jesus.
236
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,040
I mean, a lot of these people
do look like serial killers.
237
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,600
And we're not leaving till
one of them takes us home.
238
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,360
I think my outfit's going to
invite the wrong kind of man.
239
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,400
Meg, your outfit isn't inviting
no kind of man.
240
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,240
Let's face it, Laura,
this one's on us.
241
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,200
Right. Let's get this party started.
242
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,160
MUSIC: Hate to Say I Told You So
by The Hives
243
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,480
# Do what I want
cos I can if I don't
244
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,520
# Because I wanna
245
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:01,760
# Be ignored by the stiff
and the bored because I'm gonna
246
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,800
Hate to say I told you so...
247
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,160
MEG SPLUTTERS
248
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:15,200
SHE SOBS
249
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:19,680
Do believe I told you so...
250
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:24,320
I don't need anybody else...
LAURA PLAYS PIANO DRUNKENLY
251
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,280
Home time!
252
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,960
Oh, bollocks.
253
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,640
Time to go, girls.
254
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:33,320
THEY SIGH
255
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,080
Shh!
256
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,640
STIFLED GIGGLING
257
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:41,480
Ssh!
258
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:45,520
ALL GIGGLE
259
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,080
Night, mate.
260
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:59,120
LULLABY MUSIC
261
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,040
What the hell is going on?
262
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:07,080
I can see you!
263
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,080
Which input is the DVD on?
264
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,120
AV2, select DVD from the menu...
265
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,880
I mean, the open road is nice.
It is nice.
266
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,840
But do you think there's, like,
a park we could sleep in?
267
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,960
You don't sleep in a park, Meg.
That's the number one rule.
268
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,240
Not unless you want a pillow that's
made of johnnies and dogshit.
269
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:33,280
We just need to find somewhere posh,
like a roundabout flowerbed.
270
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:38,280
Or...
271
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:42,520
Let's do it.
272
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,520
This'll do.
273
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:49,560
Six hours' beauty sleep
before brunch.
274
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,320
It's like Ibiza.
275
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,840
LULLABY MUSIC
276
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,120
Oi!
277
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,840
Oh, my God!
What do you think you're doing?!
278
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,600
THEY YELL
279
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,480
Run! Run for it.
280
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:09,680
Oi!
281
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,720
THEY SCREAM
282
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,640
Has he gone?
283
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,040
Oh, so soft. This is like a beach.
284
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,640
Let's just wait here a minute,
until the coast's clear.
285
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,280
THEY PANT
286
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:34,320
LULLABY MUSIC
287
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:50,240
Oh!
288
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,480
Excuse me!
289
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,280
Cease fire.
290
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:04,320
Cease fire!
291
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,320
Good God.
292
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,600
MEG SOBS IN PAIN
293
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,560
Is it bad?
294
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,720
What the hell is going on here?
295
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,760
SHE WAILS
296
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,160
Where are you taking us?
297
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,120
I'm escorting you off the premises.
298
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:29,160
Water! Hey! I need water.
299
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,840
What are you doing? I'm thirsty.
300
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,080
Get yourself back in.
301
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,600
No, I need a drink. Come here!
302
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,720
I'm allowed it. Come here!
You can't stop me.
303
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:39,760
This is why women should never be
allowed on golf courses.
304
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,160
I really don't think
this is a good idea.
305
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,640
Oh, come on. I am not
missing out on Will Johnson.
306
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,040
We hardly look
brunch-appropriate, Bunny.
307
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,920
You promised! What about showing
people that we've made it?
308
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,680
Will we be doing that, though?
309
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,920
Someone might be able
to have us to stay.
310
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,520
They might have a hotel room.
311
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,600
Oh, come on! Please, please, please.
312
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:02,280
I can seduce Will Johnson. He's got
to have a bed for us, hasn't he?
313
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,680
Well, I mean, we do need to find
somewhere to sleep tonight.
314
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,360
These guys won't really care
what we look like, will they?
315
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,640
Nah. They're our old schoolmates.
We go way back.
316
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,680
They've seen us when
we look worse than this.
317
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,000
As I'll be saying to
Will Johnson later tonight,
318
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,200
"It's what's inside that counts."
319
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,920
Inside my vagina!
320
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,960
MUSIC GOES QUIET
321
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,120
Oh, God.
322
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:37,160
You did want to make an entrance,
didn't you?
323
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,000
OK, look,
we just need to find a bed.
324
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:44,040
Even if it means going home
with Mr Pilsgate the caretaker.
325
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:48,200
Think we're a bit old for him now.
326
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,040
GIRLS LAUGH
327
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,000
There he is. How do I look?
328
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,440
Five out of ten?
329
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,760
My five is your nine, so that's OK.
330
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:01,080
You don't smell great, though, mate.
331
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,200
Have you got any perfume on you?
No.
332
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:07,240
Right, well,
there's only one thing for it.
333
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,720
Oh. My knickers are full of sand.
334
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,760
What are you doing?
335
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,520
It's my fanny perfume.
336
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,640
It's pheromones. Drives men wild.
337
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:23,920
It's science, Meg.
338
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,280
Is it?
339
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,520
Professor Stephen Hawking
would call that science, would he?
340
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,080
No, it's fact.
I read it on the internet.
341
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,480
Right.
342
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:36,520
Wish me luck.
343
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:44,080
I got a hefty bonus, which
more than covered the nanny.
344
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:46,000
All right?
345
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,040
Oh, my God. Laura?
346
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,960
Wow. You look...
347
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,720
Yeah, I know,
time's been good to me.
348
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,880
So, have any of yous
got a spare bedroom?
349
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,480
What? Just out of interest.
350
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,760
Well, I mean, we all
have guest rooms. Of course.
351
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,880
Great, great. It's just, I need
somewhere to stay tonight, so...
352
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,240
Oh, well...
353
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,520
I suppose you could
stay with me in Camden.
354
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:09,760
Where?
355
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,280
Camden. In London.
356
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,400
Ugh. London! What a shithole.
357
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,440
What about you, then?
I live in London.
358
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,680
Right, you? Me too.
359
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:21,720
Ugh. Absolute time-wasters.
360
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,520
LAUGHTER
361
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,720
Ha-ha-ha.
362
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,320
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
363
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,160
Hey, guys!
364
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,040
Jeremy! How are you?
365
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,560
Fine.
366
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,360
Sorry, who are you?
367
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,520
Classic Jeremy. Class clown.
368
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:44,560
Ha-ha-ha. You know me.
369
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,760
What, seriously? No-one?
370
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,400
It's me, Meg.
371
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:54,080
We were at school together
for seven years.
372
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:58,120
I went on holiday
with your family, Amy.
373
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,920
Right, well...
374
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,480
That's a blow for
the ol' self esteem.
375
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,080
Never mind. Er...
What are you guys all up to?
376
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:11,960
Well, I'm a human rights lawyer.
It was between that or modelling.
377
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,240
And I'm a dentist.
Alex here was just telling us
378
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,600
how he's built an orphanage in...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
379
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,480
Sorry, did you say dentist? Yeah.
380
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,400
Um, would you mind
having a look at my tooth?
381
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,040
It just came loose.
382
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,920
I got hit by a golf ball earlier.
383
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,880
So, er, where are you staying
tonight, Jeremy?
384
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,360
And I swear,
that lion just knew me, you know?
385
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:36,400
He just, like, got me in a way
that I guess a woman never could.
386
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:40,880
What's that smell?
387
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,080
Guilty.
388
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,240
Er...
389
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,040
I knew you'd remember.
390
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,280
Yeah. Right.
391
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,000
Anyway, the thing you need
to remember about wild beasts...
392
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,280
Mmm!
393
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,480
I feel sleepy. Mmm...
394
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,760
Yeah?
395
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,800
Urgh. Sexy baby.
There's no competing with that.
396
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:08,080
So, maybe we should go
somewhere a little bit quieter?
397
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,920
Like, er, your hotel room, say?
398
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,720
Oh, I don't have a hotel room.
399
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,760
I'm getting the plane back
to Buenos Aires tonight.
400
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,360
But, er...
401
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,400
I think I know somewhere
we can go to...catch up.
402
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,360
I'm so tired, Laura.
403
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:33,400
I think I'm hallucinating.
I just need sleep.
404
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,360
There's only one thing for it.
405
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,960
You're going home with Mr Pilsgate.
406
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,520
I'm getting out the begging bowl.
407
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:42,560
Don't do it, Meg.
408
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:48,720
Hey.
409
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,120
MICROPHONE FEEDBACK
410
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,520
Hey!
411
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,960
Thank you!
412
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,000
So, you'll all remember me.
413
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,800
Well, I'm Meg. I'm Meg.
414
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,720
I pissed my pants on
the school trip to Cheddar Gorge.
415
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,600
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
416
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,320
Right, yeah.
417
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:15,360
All it is...
Er, it's a funny story, really.
418
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,000
I'm, er...
419
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,320
I'm in a little bit of a pickle
420
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:25,360
and I need somewhere
to stay tonight.
421
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,680
WILL MOANS
422
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,760
Ow!
423
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,160
Wait. Is there sand up there?
424
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,480
It's not very...
425
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,920
Bunny, can you stop wriggling?
No, nearly there.
426
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,760
Ow! Ow, ow, it hurts... Oh, God!
427
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,520
Well, I guess I was just...
428
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,440
I was trying to
impress you all, really.
429
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:54,480
I'm a woman of means!
I'm living the dream.
430
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,360
Oh, no.
431
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,320
Oh...
432
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,720
EVERYONE GASPS
433
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,800
My tooth's come off.
434
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,760
SHE SOBS
435
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,120
Don't look at me!
436
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,880
Laura, help. Coming, Meg.
437
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:14,480
BUNNY MOANS
438
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,520
Please, stop, Bunny!
Your vagina's like sandpaper!
439
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,080
So, er...
440
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:38,120
Does anyone want to have us to stay?
441
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,920
Anyone?
442
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:53,200
HE SUCKS HIS TEETH
443
00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:57,800
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