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1
00:00:03,260 --> 00:00:07,260
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
2
00:00:09,420 --> 00:00:13,420
Do you want a go, darling?
3
00:00:17,260 --> 00:00:20,300
What the...
4
00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:21,860
Oh, no!
5
00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:24,020
No...
6
00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:28,060
SHE GASPS AND CRIES OUT
7
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:41,300
Well?
8
00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:43,980
The hand acting were good.
9
00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:46,180
Your hand were really
still at the end.
10
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,260
Actually, they used a hand double
for that bit.
11
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,940
The director said my hand was
distracting.
12
00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:54,980
So, when are you going to stop being
cast as a slutty murder victim?
13
00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:59,300
Every actress starts as
a murdered prostitute, Meg.
14
00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:01,780
You have to build up to be
a non-murdered prostitute,
15
00:01:01,820 --> 00:01:03,900
and then you can play anything,
16
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:07,740
like the hot girl at work or the
uptight girlfriend. Anything.
17
00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:09,460
Don't take this the wrong way,
18
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:12,060
but don't you ever feel like
it's... What?
19
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:15,660
..degrading and sort of
unfeminist-y?
20
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:19,540
OK, Caitlin Moran, it's just
showbiz. You wouldn't understand.
21
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,100
PHONE BEEPS
22
00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:23,500
O-M-Jesus! Spielberg, is it(?)
23
00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:25,460
A producer has just tweeted me.
24
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:27,780
He saw my portrayal of
Murdered Prostitute 2,
25
00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:29,860
and he wants me to be in his film.
26
00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,900
What, he's offered you
a job, on Twitter? What is it?
27
00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:34,820
A movie in his pants?
28
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:36,860
It's not porn, is it?
29
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:39,460
No! Look at his other credits.
30
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,940
Demon Cheerleader Academy,
31
00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:45,980
Ghost Night Stand and now this,
Dracteria 2 - Blood-Pocalypse.
32
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:48,380
That is big time, Bunny.
33
00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:50,460
Dracteria 1 were mint.
34
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:54,500
Dracteria? It is like "Dracula" and
"bacteria". It were huge, Meg. Hmm.
35
00:01:55,020 --> 00:01:57,940
He wants to be to play
Professor Tina Van Helsing,
36
00:01:57,980 --> 00:02:01,980
a brilliant but sexy biochemist.
My God, that is just so me.
37
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,460
Freak, Bunny.
38
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,580
I always thought you were dog shite
at acting, if I'm honest.
39
00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:09,460
Shows how much I know. Thank you.
40
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:13,500
This has got to be a prank, surely?
No, Meg, this is it. My big break.
41
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:17,580
Don't be jealous. You face goes all
crabby like an old-time witch.
42
00:02:17,740 --> 00:02:18,900
SHE SCOFFS
43
00:02:18,940 --> 00:02:22,940
Oh, yeah.
44
00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:30,140
# I'm so excited
45
00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:34,940
Some day, some day
Leeds United.
46
00:02:38,060 --> 00:02:42,060
How come you get a sexy suit
and job with a cool headset?
47
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,180
Can't I work there?
48
00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:45,380
No chance.
49
00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:48,340
No offence. We can't take
deadwood at Leeds Telecoms.
50
00:02:48,380 --> 00:02:49,860
How do I look?
51
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:51,500
Like you've gone blind.
52
00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:52,940
I've got a teensy problem.
53
00:02:52,980 --> 00:02:54,900
It is not a big deal,
but the producers
54
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:57,940
are going to be calling at any min,
and they want to speak to my agent.
55
00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,700
So? So, I don't have an agent.
56
00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:03,740
But your agent called
me to cancel my birthday.
57
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,940
I don't really have time for
this right now.
58
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,982
I normally do it myself in a
Scottish accent
59
00:03:10,062 --> 00:03:11,620
but they're profesh,
so they'll know.
60
00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:14,740
PHONE RINGS
Meg? You're on your own, mate.
61
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:17,940
Like I was on my birthday.
62
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,300
SCOTTISH ACCENT: Och! Hello there.
63
00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:22,180
Bloody hell. I'll do it.
64
00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:24,700
All right, pricks, let's talk money.
65
00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:26,460
(I want 10%.)
66
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:30,500
Well, good luck today, Bunny.
Really.
67
00:03:30,980 --> 00:03:32,900
Really delighted for you.
68
00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:34,900
Well, I better go.
69
00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:38,260
I'm off to the promotions job that
you two have inexplicably
70
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,980
moved on from before me.
This is a piece of piss.
71
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:44,460
I remember when I used to do promo
work. It was so degrading.
72
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:46,580
Of course I remember, Bunny.
73
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:50,620
It was literally yesterday.
74
00:03:57,220 --> 00:04:00,820
Hey, baby girl,
so cool to meet you. So cool.
75
00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:02,580
You on your bus, yeah?
76
00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:06,620
No, just doing the same as you.
What?
77
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:10,340
You're doing this with us?
78
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:13,980
Oh, my God. Babes.
How old are you, though?
79
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,860
Hello, girls. Looking lovely.
80
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,100
Where's Malcolm?
81
00:04:19,140 --> 00:04:21,940
Lawsuit is pending.
Can't go into any more details.
82
00:04:21,980 --> 00:04:25,220
It's not Savile, but it's not not
Savile. Anyway, you are...
83
00:04:25,260 --> 00:04:26,780
I'm Meg.
84
00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:29,940
Oh, you're Meg? Right.
85
00:04:29,980 --> 00:04:32,940
Yeah.
86
00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:36,980
Hi, Bunny, I'm Ciaran, the director.
So, have you met Alex Reid?
87
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,500
Alex Reid?
88
00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:41,620
Jordan's ex-husband?
The cage fighter? He's in this too?
89
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:43,380
Yes, yeah.
90
00:04:43,420 --> 00:04:46,460
He can get a touch
frustrated with us all.
91
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:49,140
He's very passionate about
this project.
92
00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:51,100
Oh, sure, me too. Me too.
93
00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:53,140
And you've read the script?
94
00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:54,860
All of it?
95
00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:56,260
Yeah.
96
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:57,900
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
97
00:04:57,940 --> 00:05:00,780
Great, because...
Where do you think you're going?
98
00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:04,820
Do I look like I'm finished?
99
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:09,220
Sorry. You were saying?
100
00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:21,220
You know what, Meckles?
Can I call you Meckles? No.
101
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:24,780
It would be most helpful if you
looked after the shampoos
102
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:26,900
in the van. Do they need
looking after?
103
00:05:26,940 --> 00:05:29,380
Don't worry about that.
Just pop into the van, Meg. Why?
104
00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:33,420
Just pop into the van, Meg.
That it, great stuff, good girl.
105
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,940
All the way in, Meg.
106
00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:41,980
Ow! A bit further.
107
00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:43,980
A bit further.
108
00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:47,740
That's it, so you can't be seen,
Meg, is the general idea.
109
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:51,540
There we are.
110
00:05:51,580 --> 00:05:53,220
Well, I quit.
111
00:05:53,260 --> 00:05:54,660
Hello?
112
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,140
Three, take one.
113
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:57,660
OK, that's great.
114
00:05:57,700 --> 00:06:00,580
So, what we're after here is just
the movement, Bunny, OK?
115
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:03,060
We're going to be CGI-ing all
the science stuff in later.
116
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:04,740
So, if you just hold your hands
117
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:07,300
like you're holding onto some
bicycle handlebars,
118
00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:11,340
and just move both of your hands
from side to side. That's lovely.
119
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,500
A bit faster now. Just go quickly.
120
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,660
Quickly, quickly. That's good, yeah.
121
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:21,420
Maybe lick one of the handlebars.
Just give it a good lick.
122
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:24,940
Yeah, at an angle. That's it, yeah.
123
00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:28,980
Yeah, OK, that's really great,
Bunny. Just keep going.
124
00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:32,060
Just keep working away on
those handlebars.
125
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:36,060
What are you CGI-ing, again? Science
stuff, Bunny. Just science stuff.
126
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,020
Oh, you're in a bit of a rush now.
127
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:39,500
Oh, no, some of that bacteria
128
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:43,380
has leapt up onto your hair and
face and glasses. Oh! Oh, dear.
129
00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:47,420
Perfect.
130
00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:57,020
Hi, Laura.
131
00:06:57,060 --> 00:06:58,460
Hey, Nathan.
132
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,420
What's happened to Terry?
He's been away for a week.
133
00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:02,620
Yeah, off sick.
134
00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:05,940
Poor fucker. How's he going to
afford that? What do you mean?
135
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:07,780
What do YOU mean?
136
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:10,580
He is getting paid.
He's on sick leave.
137
00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:14,620
What? You mean we get paid,
even if we're sick? Of course.
138
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:23,460
TV: Hello. Is that your flowerpot?
139
00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:26,140
What's going on here?
140
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:29,300
I'm a bit lost, but I think this
prick in the polka-dot dungarees
141
00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:31,140
has stolen someone's flowerpot.
142
00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:33,540
No, I meant,
what are you doing home so early?
143
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I found out about sick days.
What a world, Meg.
144
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,380
Hamlet's here(!)
145
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:40,100
How was it, then?
146
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:44,140
Oh. I smashed it. I'm practically
Cate Blanchett and I'm not kidding.
147
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:46,500
I have a trailer and a slave.
148
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:49,060
No, he's not a slave...
No, he's a slave.
149
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,620
And he gets me shit.
150
00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:53,980
And there's an all-day buffet.
A free buffet? Fucking hell.
151
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:56,820
Can I come tomorrow?
I can pull another sickie. Sure.
152
00:07:56,860 --> 00:08:00,620
What? That's not fair.
If Laura goes, I get to go.
153
00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:03,180
And, actually,
now I'm thinking about it,
154
00:08:03,220 --> 00:08:05,940
working on a film is my main dream.
Can I come too?
155
00:08:05,980 --> 00:08:07,380
I wouldn't have to be paid.
156
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,980
I'll do work experience,
or something. I'm sure it's fine.
157
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,860
When you're the lead, you can pretty
much do whatever you want.
158
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:16,900
Everyone loves me, so...
159
00:08:17,820 --> 00:08:19,660
Morning, everyone. I'm here.
160
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,300
This is epic.
161
00:08:21,340 --> 00:08:24,820
Oh, your face, sweets.
I guess I'm just so used to it now.
162
00:08:24,860 --> 00:08:28,420
It's just so fascinating to see how
it all works behind the scenes.
163
00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:30,300
Just one little soupcon, guys.
164
00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:33,340
If you could not talk to
me while we're here.
165
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,220
Are you joking? Uh-uh-uh! Yeah!
166
00:08:36,260 --> 00:08:39,060
It's just...I'm kind of
a big deal, yeah?
167
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:42,380
And I think it would be really
confusing for people if they saw me
168
00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:46,420
with the work experience girl
and, well, you know...
169
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:50,700
Thanks, guys.
I knew you'd understand.
170
00:08:50,740 --> 00:08:52,260
Wow.
171
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,940
Who are you, again?
I'm Meg. I'm Bunny's friend.
172
00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:57,980
She said I could do work experience.
173
00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,500
Aren't you a bit old to be doing
work experience?
174
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,300
I'm glad you noticed, Paul.
175
00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:05,740
You see, I've decided on a
little career change.
176
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:09,780
Film-making is my main dream.
Oh, God. Please stop.
177
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:12,340
Look, this film is a nightmare.
178
00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:15,220
The last thing I need is to waste
time showing some
179
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:19,260
directionless, overgrown
millennial the ropes.
180
00:09:20,820 --> 00:09:23,460
But we do need all the
help we can get.
181
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,380
Oh, thank you. I wouldn't thank me
yet, love.
182
00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:30,420
'Paul, we have a problem.'
Hang on. What?!
183
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:38,460
150 quid? It's a joke.
184
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:42,500
No wonder they can't find
any extras.
185
00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:51,620
Hi, Nathan.
186
00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:54,820
No, I'm really sick.
What's wrong?
187
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:57,900
Um...
188
00:09:57,940 --> 00:10:01,940
Bubbly skin flaps,
burning hands and scalp rot.
189
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:05,020
Yeah, it does sound unbelievable,
doesn't it?
190
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:08,140
I'll send you a photo.
191
00:10:08,180 --> 00:10:10,380
What the fuck is this?
192
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:12,180
It's the biscuits.
193
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,740
Right, do you think I could give
a plate of biscuits to
194
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,780
Alex Reid looking like that? I'd be
sacked, Meg. Laughed out of town.
195
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:22,820
Jesus Christ. You do want this work
experience, don't you? Yes. Yes.
196
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:26,220
Then get your shit together.
197
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,780
Morning, everyone.
198
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:31,060
Another day down the
tinsel mines, am I right?
199
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,260
Hey, Brian. My name's not Brian.
200
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,500
Bunny, can I ask you something?
It's about...
201
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,400
OK, where we are now is Count Dracula's
got into the blood samples in the lab
202
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,760
and he's taken the form
of evil bacteria.
203
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,800
Oh...Dracteria!
Now it makes sense.
204
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,920
You've not read the...
205
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,040
Never mind, so you're in the lab,
206
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,520
your colleague and mentor
Alex Reid is away,
207
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,840
some of the bacteria you're working
on in Petri dishes swarm out
208
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,160
and it starts to have
unwanted sex with you.
209
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,440
The bacteria rapes me?
210
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,480
No, it just has unwanted sex
with you. OK?
211
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,520
What's the difference? Should we
just give it a little go? Yeah?
212
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:14,560
34, take 1.
213
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,240
OK, and action.
214
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,840
Oh! Oh, no!
215
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,400
SHE SHRIEKS
216
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,160
OK, cut, cut, cut.
217
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,720
Great effort, Bunny, loved that.
218
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,320
Just to see where it takes us,
219
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,280
do you think you could do
the next one
220
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,240
and just enjoy it
a little bit more?
221
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,560
But it's raping me.
222
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,400
Yeah, but it's still sex,
isn't it?
223
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,040
Do you follow?
224
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,880
Ah, yeah, gotcha.
225
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:45,280
34, take 2. OK, action.
226
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,760
Oh, no!
227
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,560
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
228
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,600
No! Yeah! Yeah!
229
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,640
But no, no, no...!
230
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,920
OK, Bunny, stop, stop.
231
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,280
OK, OK, that's great.
232
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,480
We're still not quite getting it,
are we?
233
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,120
So, I tell you what, don't worry,
just follow my lead,
234
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,240
I'll talk you through it, OK?
235
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,640
OK, action, Bunny, it's painful. Ow!
236
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,600
Ow! Ow! Ow!
237
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:12,160
Now try to feel the bacteria
swarm element of it. Yeah?
238
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,560
Brrr! Brrr!
239
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:17,600
Ahh! It's swarming, oh, no,
it's scary, it's scary, Bunny.
240
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,040
BUNNY SHRIEKS
241
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,200
Oh, hello. Oh, starting to enjoy it
a little bit more now.
242
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,200
These bacteria, they're really
going to town on you.
243
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:30,120
Oh, that's right! Oh, it's sexy,
it's hot, it's hot.
244
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,360
Keep it going, yeah, that's it.
Keep it going. Good.
245
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,600
Good.
246
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,600
Good. Good.
247
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,680
And...
248
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:38,840
come.
249
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,880
Ahhhh!
250
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,240
Ahhhhhh!
251
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:44,480
Huhhh!
252
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:48,520
Great, that's lunch, everyone.
253
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,080
These are chocolates from work.
254
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,760
And I'm getting paid for two jobs.
255
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,000
Three, if you count being Bunny's
agent. Best day ever.
256
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,640
I hated it.
257
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,080
Working on a film is absolutely
nothing like
258
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,560
the blooper reels on YouTube.
259
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,920
I thought it would just be
people dicking about.
260
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,840
I might have to call in sick
tomorrow. Good call, mate.
261
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:17,160
But then, what if it is
still my main dream.
262
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,800
This could be my big break.
263
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,840
I could be the next massive female
director, like...
264
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,520
..er, like...
265
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,920
Hmm. Meg, d'you want some real talk
266
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,760
from someone who's currently
living her truth? No.
267
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,480
Sometimes life is hard,
268
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,680
yeah, like sometimes you have to
fight your dreams. Take me.
269
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,520
The director has decided the film
hasn't got enough nudity in it,
270
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,720
so, even though it's not
part of the story,
271
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,440
they need me to take my clothes off.
272
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,000
For the good of the film.
273
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,160
And you said it doing promo work
was degrading.
274
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,280
You're just jealous, Meg,
because I am a star.
275
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,720
And you can't even arrange
some biscuits on a plate.
276
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,240
Oh! Oh, yes.
277
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,720
Alex Reid and I had a good old laugh
about it.
278
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,840
OK. Fine.
279
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,080
My career is in tatters.
280
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,640
But, jealousy aside,
281
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:08,440
they are taking the piss and using
you for your tits. No, they're not.
282
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,000
Yes, they are.
You'll just end up on YouPorn.
283
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,560
D'you think Meryl Streep is on
YouPorn?
284
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,120
She isn't, Gaz checked.
285
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,840
I guess I am kind of
like Meryl Streep.
286
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,080
And I don't want to be
on YouPorn...again.
287
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,320
The nudity is empowering now.
288
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,200
I thought that was the thing.
289
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,400
Bunny, they're making a power play
and your tits are the chips.
290
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,440
We can't just take our tops off
whenever someone tells us to
291
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,680
and call it empowering.
That's not feminism.
292
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,000
Is it?
293
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,960
I don't know.
I don't know. No?
294
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,120
You've got to take back the power,
Bunny.
295
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,040
That is if you want them to know
who the star is.
296
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,680
I am.
297
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,440
I am the star.
298
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:52,480
Sure.
299
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:56,880
Look, we are slaughtering an orphan.
Of course we need a fucking orphan!
300
00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,840
Morning, Paul.
301
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,600
Oh, God, you're back, are you?
302
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,760
I am having a nightmare.
303
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,080
This whole thing is a shit show.
304
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,480
And that friend of yours
might just be
305
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,800
the worst actress I have ever seen.
306
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,520
'Take one.
307
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,560
'Ahh! Ahhh!
308
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,520
'Push it.
309
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:19,840
'Fucking push it!'
310
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,600
Look, she can't even open
a fucking door.
311
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,640
Idiot!
312
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,080
And now two extras have
just dropped out,
313
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,280
so I need you to find me
replacements. Yeah? OK.
314
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,160
Now! Right. Yes.
315
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,680
Copy that.
316
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,640
I won't let you down, boss.
317
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,560
That way.
318
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,360
Fuck me.
319
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,800
Sorry, what do you mean,
not comfortable with the nudity?
320
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,320
I just really feel like in this
scene the nudity is gratuitous.
321
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,000
I thought my character
would be wearing clothes.
322
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,880
Right, it's a woodland,
orgy dream sequence,
323
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,160
so it wouldn't be a very erotic
woodland orgy dream
324
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,280
if everybody kept their clothes on,
would it?
325
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,840
It's just not very feminist-y,
is it?
326
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,640
Well, it is, actually.
327
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,480
Because there's nothing
more feministy
328
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,240
than taking your clothes off
for your art. It's empowering.
329
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,600
You see, this is what I thought,
but look, I am a serious actor,
330
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:14,360
so you need to respect
my truth and my body.
331
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,840
I'll tell you who's a serious actor.
332
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,600
Alex Reid.
333
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:22,040
He is going full-frontal nudity.
334
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,360
He's shaving his entire body.
335
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:28,400
The man will be like a damn eel
because he is a professional.
336
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,760
One tit. No.
337
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:32,800
Bottom. No.
338
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,520
Bottom with one tit. No.
339
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,320
What if you were to just wear,
I don't know,
340
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,520
a slightly see-through dress
so we got the sense of it all?
341
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,000
No. Fuck's sake!
342
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:45,600
What, not even one tit?
No. Fucking hell!
343
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,200
You had better have good news.
344
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,920
Yeah, I have found a replacement.
345
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,760
I told you, I need two replacements.
346
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,760
Yeah, I couldn't find another one
at such short notice,
347
00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:00,800
so I thought...I could do it.
348
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,800
Oh, really?
349
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,200
Meg, that is so cool of you.
350
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:08,320
I think I was wrong about you,
you've got what it takes.
351
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:12,000
I'm going to write you
the best reference.
352
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,160
Oh!
353
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,640
Nip over to costume
and they'll sort you out.
354
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,600
OK... Copy that.
355
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,920
Copy that.
356
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,960
GIGGLES
357
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,200
This can't be the entire costume.
358
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:32,440
How does it even...?
359
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,840
OK.
360
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,160
Paul...
361
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:43,200
I'm proud of you, Meg,
doing a great job.
362
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:49,240
Er, excuse me, sorry,
but do you have a spare razor?
363
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:53,040
I just wasn't expecting to be
in my knickers at work.
364
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,240
Sorry, love,
Alex Reid just the last one.
365
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:59,280
Of course he did.
366
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,680
Excuse me.
367
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,920
Hello, Alex.
368
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,840
Mr Reid. Sir.
369
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,600
Who are you?
What are you doing in my trailer?
370
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,640
Er, I, um... Oh, I see, you know,
I can't get round the back.
371
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,440
Wait, what?
372
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:40,480
Oh!
373
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,560
FARTS
Oh, pardon.
374
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,960
What the hell?
375
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,440
Are you naked under there? No.
376
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,360
I'm wearing a patch.
377
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,720
You hypocrite!
378
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,600
What about feminism, what about
taking back the power? You said...
379
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:20,400
I know what I said. Right, Bunny,
I can't get hold of your agent.
380
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,480
If we don't sort this,
you're through.
381
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,640
Fine, I'll just call him up.
382
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,000
Bunny, I wouldn't.
383
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,360
I don't need any more help
from you...Judith!
384
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,400
I think you mean Judas.
Good luck.
385
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:36,840
Hey. 'You again! What do you want?
You're bothering me!'
386
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,880
Come on, look. That's a little bit
harsh. 'Harsh?' No, don't...
387
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:45,240
All I'm saying is... 'You don't
even know harsh...' Hang on.
388
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,480
I'll make you wish
you'd never been born.
389
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,720
I'll make you wish you could clamber
back into your mother's snatch,
390
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,760
you daft fucking prick! Oh, and...
391
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,520
Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
392
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,320
Bunny, is this crouching,
half-naked extra your agent?
393
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,600
No. Yeah, I am.
394
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,760
Well, I don't know where the fuck
in Amityville you're from,
395
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,560
but tell your client she's fired.
396
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:15,280
Now get the fuck off my set,
you are both fired.
397
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,720
Sorry, rewind.
You can't fire me, I'm the lead.
398
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,960
We'll manage, we got everything
we need, minus the tits.
399
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,280
But meg said... Meg?
400
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:28,160
What was it? About empowerment?
I don't know any more, mate.
401
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,560
But I'll take my top off, OK?
402
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,320
I will.
403
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:33,800
No, no, don't bother.
404
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,680
We'll just get one of the girls
from Babestation. No!
405
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,160
Should I go too? Who even are you?
406
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,800
She's the replacement tits.
407
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,120
OK, keep her, it'll be fine,
408
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,400
we're just shooting
from the chin down anyway.
409
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,280
Er, but... Come on, Meg,
get them out.
410
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:51,320
You do one that reference,
don't you?
411
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:55,480
Yeah, it's just,
my tits are only A cups.
412
00:20:56,120 --> 00:21:00,120
So... Oh, for fuck's...!
413
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:04,160
OK, is there anyone on this set
with a proper pair of tits
414
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,160
willing to get them out for camera?
415
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,960
C cups or bigger?
416
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,360
No, not them.
417
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,520
Any tits?
418
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,920
Praise the fucking Lord!
419
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,320
Right. Hang on, is that...?
420
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,520
It doesn't bother me.
421
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,480
OK, you stand there.
422
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:24,520
A cups, fuck off!
423
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,080
Come on.
424
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:29,560
Right, fucking action!
425
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:33,600
Yes! Yes. Hallelujah!
426
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:40,840
Stupid film anyway. Genuinely, Meg,
I think you did me a favour.
427
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,280
At least you won't end up
on YouPorn.
428
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,240
Yeah, well, no-one will notice me
429
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,800
cos they didn't want to use
my face. Winner.
430
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,840
PHONE BUZZES
431
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,880
Reid, talk to me.
432
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,320
They said what?
433
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,440
We agreed five percent
on the backend.
434
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,680
I'm not having them
screw you out of that.
435
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,240
If they want to perv,
that's ?75 more.
436
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,280
She's really good, you know. She's
got me another job. What is it?
437
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,000
A telly gig. Telly?
438
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,040
Cool. Great. Right.
439
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,480
Cool.
440
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,520
Great. Are you OK, Meg?
Yeah, of course.
441
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,520
Are you wanting me to ask...?
No.
442
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:25,560
No, don't be silly. As if. No.
443
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,680
Maybe just put in a good word.
444
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,760
Meg, I'm telling you this
because I love you.
445
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,040
Don't give up your day job.
446
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,360
Yeah...
447
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:41,360
I don't have a day job.
448
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,080
# Why d'you wanna go and put
stars in their eyes?
449
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:49,000
# Why d'you wanna go
and put stars in their eyes?
450
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,680
# Now, why d'you wanna go
and put stars in their eyes?
451
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,640
# It's the same old story
They just didn't realise
452
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,120
# And it's a long way to come
453
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,440
# From the Dog And Duck
karaoke machine
454
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,160
And Saturday night's
drunken dream.
455
00:23:04,210 --> 00:23:08,760
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