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1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:03,000
I'm inside you!
2
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:06,900
I know, yeah.
3
00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:13,260
It feels...so good
making love to you.
4
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:17,660
HE GROANS
5
00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:20,780
Oof... Ah...
6
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:23,660
Ah! Mmmm!
7
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:26,420
Meg, open your eyes!
8
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,060
Look at me.
9
00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:30,740
What do you want, Meg? Er...
10
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:33,620
Um... Tell... Tell me what you want.
11
00:00:33,660 --> 00:00:35,620
This?
12
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:36,780
Ooh...
13
00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:38,460
Oh, yeah!
14
00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,700
Oh, that's better. Yeah!
15
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:43,100
Oh, that's...dark.
16
00:00:56,700 --> 00:01:00,700
Bye, guys! Bye, Andrew.
Bye, Andrew! See you, Puddle.
17
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,700
Meg. He's the perfect man.
18
00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:06,500
Yes. Yes, I know, Bunny.
19
00:01:06,540 --> 00:01:10,220
He's very kind, isn't he?
And generous.
20
00:01:10,260 --> 00:01:14,260
And intelligent. And I've never been
so bored in my life.
21
00:01:14,580 --> 00:01:17,260
Are you going to break up with him,
then? Not to his face.
22
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,220
No, no, I wouldn't have thought so.
23
00:01:19,260 --> 00:01:20,740
No, I'm going full coward.
24
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,540
I'm ghosting the shit out of him.
25
00:01:22,580 --> 00:01:24,740
Oh, you can't just start
ignoring him.
26
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:28,380
I'm not ignoring HIM, I'm just ignoring
his texts and his phone calls.
27
00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:29,940
That's what ghosting is, mate.
28
00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:33,300
What's the alternative? Look into his
kind eyes and tell him it's over? Risky.
29
00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:35,660
I've been ghosting Gary, and
he still thinks we together.
30
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:38,500
Yeah, well, you still live with him
and you had sex with him this morning.
31
00:01:38,540 --> 00:01:41,060
Yeah, but we didn't TALK after.
I know what's going on here.
32
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,700
Do you want me to be
your break-up guru? No.
33
00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:46,460
You could try, but Gary's knob's
a serious addiction for me.
34
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:49,500
Er, you probably do need to stop
sleeping in the same bed as him, mate.
35
00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:51,220
Where am I going to sleep?
36
00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:52,780
Stay here.
37
00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:56,740
You can move in with us.
Not what I meant. Are you sure?
38
00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:58,060
Oh, yes. Please!
39
00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,500
All of us single together
for the first time,
40
00:02:00,540 --> 00:02:02,780
and I can be your shrink!
Oh, please!
41
00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:05,860
Please! I'm so bored
and I really need a project.
42
00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:09,900
Said no shrink, ever.
43
00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:14,020
We might need to do two trips.
44
00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:15,780
Oof.
45
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:18,300
Right, let's get this baby set up.
46
00:02:18,340 --> 00:02:20,660
Do you know the great thing about
living with me is?
47
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:23,660
You'll never have to buy Coca-Cola
again. Because I make it myself.
48
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:26,420
Oh, wow. That'll save us...pennies.
49
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,300
Gary used to go mad about
all this stuff,
50
00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:31,140
but the thing about me is,
I know a bargain when I see one.
51
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,500
Right.
52
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:34,980
Did somebody rob Sue Ryder?
53
00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:38,940
Laura's moved all of her stuff in.
Temporarily. While she lives here.
54
00:02:38,980 --> 00:02:40,940
Very much...temporarily.
55
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:43,780
We'll have to go back for
those kayaks another day.
56
00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:47,420
Anyway, I've got an antidote
to your new-found singledom.
57
00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:50,740
Chloe from my acting class
is having a house party tonight.
58
00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:54,380
So a room full of gay lads?
That is fine by me.
59
00:02:54,420 --> 00:02:58,340
I just want to forget about men
for a while. Dick detox. Good call.
60
00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:01,540
Is that why you changed your profile
pic to you sucking on a banana?
61
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:04,980
Phhft! That's just gags!
Just classic Meg!
62
00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:08,740
Laura-Cola and voddy, anyone?
"Voddy"? It's four o'clock.
63
00:03:08,780 --> 00:03:11,380
Oh, we should start getting ready!
Yeah, it's four o'clock?
64
00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:15,420
I better start on my nails.
65
00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:21,060
SHE GAGS
66
00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:30,220
MUSIC PLAYS
67
00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:36,740
To ghosting!
68
00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,940
Whoa, Meg. Don't shit yourself,
but, er, six o'clock.
69
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:43,220
No, sorry, not six o'clock, 12
o'clock. No, my 12... My 12 o'clock.
70
00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:47,140
Keswick! Oh, no! On your own
again? You look well, Kes.
71
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:49,020
Clothes are a bit weird, but...
72
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:50,940
Yeah, well, you're just a... A...
73
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,620
Here it comes. Sad...case.
74
00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:56,620
No life.
75
00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:58,660
Ouch(!)
76
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,180
Oh, Skinner's here.
77
00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:02,460
Do you want owt?
78
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:05,100
"Sad case lowlife"?
Yeah, I know, sorry.
79
00:04:05,140 --> 00:04:09,140
But he puts me on edge, because
he's just so...mean and...fit.
80
00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:12,940
Mmm! Hot and cold, Meg.
Do not go back there.
81
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:16,100
Yeah, I know, but...
I really do want to go back there.
82
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:19,940
Hnng, hubba! Plenty of other
fit men around here, Meg.
83
00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:22,620
Look at him. He's gorgeous.
84
00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:26,660
Oh, for fuck's sake! What's Gary
doing here? Oopsy! Send-all fail.
85
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:29,620
Hey, babe.
86
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,140
Right, one of us has got to leave,
and it isn't going to be me.
87
00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:35,100
Laura, please. Can we just skip
this bit? It's getting tedious.
88
00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:37,620
"Tedious"?
Have you been reading again?
89
00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:40,180
Gary, I'm not bluffing.
It's over. I've moved out.
90
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:43,860
We had sex this morning!
Oh, are you stupid, Gary?
91
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:47,580
That didn't count. Why not?
I were facing the wall!
92
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,180
Let me know when you want to get
a cab home.
93
00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:54,220
D'oh!
94
00:04:58,580 --> 00:05:00,780
Oh, your tits look bigger, Kes.
95
00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:02,060
I'm on a new pill.
96
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,060
I know the feeling. What?
97
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,380
Fuck me, these are strong! What are?
98
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:07,420
Kes, I need a hug.
99
00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:08,660
OK...
100
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:10,380
Oh, that's better.
101
00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:12,700
Oh, I've missed you, Kes.
102
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:15,020
Oh, yeah, fuck,
I've really missed you!
103
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:16,820
Hadn't realised it until now.
104
00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:19,860
Can you stroke me head?
105
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:23,100
Ahh, how good does that feel?
106
00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:27,140
Can I kiss you, Kes?
Think it would feel really good.
107
00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,820
Want to go somewhere private?
108
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:41,900
I strongly advise against this, Meg.
109
00:05:41,940 --> 00:05:45,940
Well, if you need me,
I'll be getting my freak on!
110
00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:48,500
She'll regret that in the morning.
111
00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:50,420
Shame. I love Andrew.
112
00:05:50,460 --> 00:05:52,020
That's ghosting for you, isn't it?
113
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,220
Looks a bit shady when
you see someone else at it.
114
00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:55,980
If you're going to break up
with someone,
115
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:57,420
you do need to let them know.
116
00:05:57,460 --> 00:06:01,100
You have to be very clear, or how
else will they know that it's over?
117
00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:04,100
Babe, I meant to say, me mam wants us to
go over for lunch tomorrow, about one.
118
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:07,140
We're not together, you fucktard!
119
00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:09,340
Come here.
120
00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:11,420
Er, that's my fucking boyfriend,
Fish!
121
00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:14,980
I'm sorry, she just pounced!
She did, I saw it. Who are you?
122
00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:18,020
I'm her boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend!
I thought you were over girls, Alan.
123
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,804
She just pounced on me!
You fucking prick.
124
00:06:19,884 --> 00:06:21,100
Calm down, don't worry about it.
125
00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:23,815
I can't calm down when I see you
snogging someone else...
126
00:06:23,895 --> 00:06:25,140
I didn't know.
What the fuck?
127
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:29,260
Darling, we need to go.
Laura's started a bit of a squabble.
128
00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:33,020
Kes, call me, yeah?
I deleted your number. Why?
129
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,940
Because you gave me an STD.
Oh, yeah.
130
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,820
What's everyone staring at?
Fuck off!
131
00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:39,820
I'm coming for you next, Fish!
132
00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:42,980
Leg it!
Where the fuck are you going?!
133
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:45,900
See you at home, babe.
134
00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:49,940
MOBILE PHONE BUZZES
135
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:54,540
Oh, shit.
136
00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:00,380
'Hey, Puddle, it's me.
137
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:04,340
'Just wondering how things
are going.'
138
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:08,020
So, Andrew's immune to ghosting.
139
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,420
And you are a filthy cheat.
140
00:07:10,460 --> 00:07:13,860
Hot and Cold keeps sending me
pictures of his lovely penis.
141
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,860
PHONE RINGS
142
00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:18,260
Ohh!
143
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:21,060
You have to tell him the truth.
No, not the truth!
144
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,820
SHE SIGHS
145
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,500
Hi, Andrew.
146
00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:26,860
Yeah, a crazy night.
147
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:30,900
Er, I, er...lost my phone.
148
00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:35,140
And, er...
Well, yeah, I found it again.
149
00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,780
In my cagoule.
150
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:40,540
I know, yeah.
151
00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:42,380
Tonight?
152
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,660
That would be perfect.
153
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:48,700
OK, I'll text you a place.
154
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,460
OK, don't judge me.
155
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:55,180
We're meeting up later for a drink
and I'm going to tell him
156
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:57,660
to his face that
it's definitely over.
157
00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,700
And confess to the cheating?
Well, let's just see how it goes.
158
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:03,420
I've never dumped anyone before.
Where do you do it?
159
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:06,300
Well, meet him at my dumping pub.
You have a dumping pub?
160
00:08:06,340 --> 00:08:08,140
Mm, the Cock Tavern.
161
00:08:08,180 --> 00:08:10,300
It's a one-drink-and-vacate
kind of place.
162
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:13,380
Usually empty, save for some
terrifying, toothless crackheads.
163
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:17,420
Well, that does sound ideal.
Poor Andrew. He deserves better.
164
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:20,980
Stop sticking up for Andrew!
I'm doing the right thing.
165
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:23,380
Just so you can have guilt-free sex
with Hot and Cold again.
166
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:27,420
I can read you like a blog, Meg.
167
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,420
OM Jesus! Ohh!
168
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:31,940
Laura?
169
00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:33,300
Ohh, sorry about that.
170
00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:36,540
A fair bit of regrowth!
171
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:38,100
I did not agree to this.
172
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:40,620
She has to go and you have to be
the one to tell her.
173
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:42,580
Fine. Although I think
you're overreacting.
174
00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:44,340
They're just pubes, Meg,
we've all got them.
175
00:08:44,380 --> 00:08:45,900
Well, actually,
she doesn't any more.
176
00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:49,940
They're all in this bowl.
177
00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:58,060
TEXT ALERT
178
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,820
Oh, a fucking restaurant?!
179
00:09:01,860 --> 00:09:04,700
I hope you don't mind, I took
the liberty of booking us a table.
180
00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:06,220
I've always wanted to try
this place,
181
00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:09,460
I've just been waiting for the right
person to try it with. Yeah...
182
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:12,620
We need to talk...
Mr Campbell, your table is ready.
183
00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:16,660
Please?
184
00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:18,300
Why not?
185
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:21,820
Follow me.
186
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:24,260
There's only one decision
to make with the menu -
187
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,260
ten or 15 courses?
188
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:30,300
Er, 15. 15?!
189
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:36,340
Wonder what he's doing now.
190
00:09:36,380 --> 00:09:40,380
Laura, can we talk? Probably staying
in and ordering a currizza for one.
191
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:43,540
What if he gets horny
and I'm not there?
192
00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:45,060
He'll just toss himself off,
darling.
193
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,020
What if he does that thing
where he accidentally
194
00:09:47,060 --> 00:09:48,820
kills himself while he's wanking?
195
00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:52,340
Listen, Laura, Meg and I have been
talking, and we would like you to...
196
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:54,140
I feel a bit funny.
197
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:56,620
We need you to, Laura,
and I'm sorry about this...
198
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:59,500
There's something happening
to me eyes!
199
00:09:59,540 --> 00:10:03,100
Shit, Bunny, is this crying?
200
00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:04,460
Am I crying?
201
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:05,620
Um...
202
00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:09,060
SHE SOBS AND WAILS
203
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,940
Yes.
204
00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:13,580
Me eyes are all wet!
205
00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:15,620
What's happening?
206
00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:18,260
Is this normal?
207
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:22,260
SHE SOBS EVEN LOUDER
208
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:23,780
Oh, um...
209
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:25,660
I bought you a present.
210
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:29,700
Oh!
211
00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:35,140
This is a self-help book.
212
00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:37,580
Yep. I thought you'd like it.
213
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:39,340
OK.
214
00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:43,380
So, Andrew, there was something
that I needed to tell you...
215
00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:48,620
Pollen dusted, grass fed lamb
with nettle foam.
216
00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:50,620
Well, that looks sensational.
217
00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,300
Cheers. Ahem!
218
00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:55,180
So, er...
219
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:58,740
We've been on a few dates now,
Andrew, and, um,
220
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:00,540
well, the thing is...
221
00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:02,340
I don't really know how...
222
00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:04,420
Oh, sh...oes!
223
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:06,020
That is sublime!
224
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:07,620
Oh, my God!
225
00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,060
What the...
226
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:11,100
What is happening?
There's so many tastes!
227
00:11:11,140 --> 00:11:12,740
Is that good, Puddle?
228
00:11:12,780 --> 00:11:15,260
Good? I don't think
I've ever been this happy.
229
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,540
You glad we came?
230
00:11:16,580 --> 00:11:18,180
I'm in heaven, I'm so fucking happy.
231
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:22,220
That is amazing. That is exquis,
absolutely exquis.
232
00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:24,140
It's really special for me, too.
233
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:25,940
Mmm!
234
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,340
Oh, God. I think I'm in love!
235
00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:29,780
With the food, or with me?
236
00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:31,220
What?
237
00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:34,580
Fuck it. Meg...
238
00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:38,620
..I'm in love with you.
239
00:11:39,660 --> 00:11:41,860
Cool.
240
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:45,100
HE GROANS: I'm inside you.
241
00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:46,820
Can we use the pillow?
242
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:49,180
HE GRUNTS AND MOANS
243
00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:51,940
I want you to see me.
244
00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:54,260
I want to see you.
245
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,340
Sorry, can we...
Can we stop? Just...
246
00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:58,780
I'm just really full.
247
00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:01,020
Uh, OK, Puddle.
248
00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:03,220
Yeah, um...
249
00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:05,100
Ooh! Um, OK.
250
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:06,780
Let's, um...
251
00:12:06,820 --> 00:12:10,420
Let's just spoon.
252
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:14,460
I love you, Meg.
253
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:18,300
I love you.
254
00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:21,780
Do you love me?
255
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:25,820
SHE PRETENDS TO SNORE
256
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:32,500
SHE CONTINUES SNORING
257
00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:37,300
Morning.
258
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,940
How did the dumping go, Meg?
259
00:12:38,980 --> 00:12:40,300
Didn't dump him.
260
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,700
Had sex with him.
Oh, for God's sake.
261
00:12:42,740 --> 00:12:44,660
I thought you hated
having sex with Andrew.
262
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:48,500
Not hate! Just,
you know...makes me cringe.
263
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,060
It's complicated.
264
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,820
I was going to dump him,
but we had a wonderful night.
265
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,580
There was dinner, 15 courses.
266
00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:59,180
Good chat. Bought me a book.
267
00:12:59,220 --> 00:13:01,860
Told me he loved me.
Oh, boy. Unlucky.
268
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,460
Why?!
269
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:06,580
Cos you don't love him.
Yeah, but give it time.
270
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,980
I think it's kind of flattering.
TEXT ALERT BEEPS
271
00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:10,460
More than can be said
for Hot & Cold,
272
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,140
who communicates solely
by the medium of dick pics.
273
00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:15,380
So are you going to try
and fall in love with Andrew
274
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,780
to avoid dumping him?
275
00:13:16,820 --> 00:13:20,300
I really like the guy. Are you sure
you don't just really like dinner?
276
00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:24,340
I wouldn't go in the bog for a bit.
Budge up, babe.
277
00:13:25,380 --> 00:13:27,780
Oh, Gaz kind of stopped over
here last night.
278
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:31,020
Certainly did. Got a booty call
from little Lozza-Chops, didn't I?
279
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,420
Cheers for letting us
have your bed, Meg.
280
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:37,020
We'll change your sheets.
281
00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:41,060
Come on.
282
00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:44,340
Why is she still here?
283
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:46,060
I couldn't do it.
284
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:49,300
She started crying, it was really
boring, then I fell asleep.
285
00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:51,460
But what happened to
sticking to the plan?
286
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,180
I could ask you the same question.
287
00:13:53,220 --> 00:13:55,340
Good break-up guru-ing, Bunny.
288
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:58,420
It's OK, I'll sort it, I promise.
TEXT ALERT BLEEPS
289
00:13:58,460 --> 00:14:01,420
Oh, well, that's his penis again.
290
00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:04,140
SIGHING: Right...
291
00:14:04,180 --> 00:14:06,660
..I have to go and put
a stop to all this.
292
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,580
I wouldn't be in
too much of a hurry.
293
00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:12,540
Cor...
294
00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:14,340
I thought that might
have tempted you, Kez.
295
00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:17,020
Look, I just came round
to say I've got...
296
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:21,060
SHE SIGHS
297
00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:25,780
Can you put some clothes on?
We need to talk. Talk after.
298
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:30,060
Look, the other night was a mistake.
I've actually still got a boyfriend.
299
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:33,020
What's a young, hot, independent
woman like you doing tied down
300
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:34,500
in a stifling relationship?
301
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,900
You should be sowing your wild oats,
having fun. I am having fun.
302
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:40,340
He took me out for dinner
last night, it was 15 courses.
303
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,500
HE SCOFFS
304
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:44,060
I just think it's a shame blokes
feel the need to control women
305
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,540
by forcing relationships on them.
306
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:47,780
Everyone should be free to sleep
with whoever they want
307
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,540
whenever they want.
Women have needs too.
308
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:54,580
If he don't understand that,
then he's just a bit sexist.
309
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,340
And he's an idiot,
310
00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:58,340
cos he's going to lose you.
311
00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:02,380
I suppose I was feeling
a bit stifled. Come here, Kez.
312
00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:05,220
It doesn't mean you have
to break up with this guy.
313
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:07,340
Don't I? Course not.
314
00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:09,940
You just need to explain
to him your new rules.
315
00:15:09,980 --> 00:15:12,140
You see, we've all been brainwashed
316
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:15,220
into thinking that
it's all or nothing.
317
00:15:15,260 --> 00:15:16,820
In fact, there's a third way.
318
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:20,220
A third way? Where you're not
tied down by labels,
319
00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:22,220
you can sleep with whoever you want.
320
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:25,540
Doesn't that sound good?
I suppose so.
321
00:15:25,580 --> 00:15:28,180
Why don't you lie down for a bit,
Kez? Just have a little cuddle.
322
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,020
OK.
323
00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:34,060
Just for a bit.
324
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:49,340
Why are we meeting
in the dumping pub?
325
00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:51,380
Laura's dumping Gary
once and for all
326
00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:53,340
and I am here as her break-up mentor
327
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:56,260
and when she's finished, we're going
to dump her as a flatmate.
328
00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:58,180
Solid plan.
Except you'll have to go it alone,
329
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,940
because I'm meeting Andrew
to tell him about the third way.
330
00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:03,220
The third way? Yeah,
don't have to break up with him.
331
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:05,180
We've all been brainwashed.
332
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:08,180
Yeah, it's my rules and I won't be
tied down by labels.
333
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:10,180
I can sleep with whoever I want.
334
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,900
Did Hot & Cold tell you this? Yeah.
335
00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:13,860
Meg, just put poor Andrew
out of his misery.
336
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,260
Don't need to. I'm just going
to tell him about the third way.
337
00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:19,260
I absolutely cannot end up
having dinner with him again.
338
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,260
Just tell him to meet you here,
it's a shithole.
339
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,540
There's no way he'll tell you
he loves you again in here.
340
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:24,740
Good point.
341
00:16:24,780 --> 00:16:25,980
But, uh...
342
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:30,020
he's quite scared of this place,
so I'll have to be very persuasive.
343
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:32,980
Tit pic.
344
00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:36,380
Tit pic.
345
00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:40,420
So, I've been thinking
and relationships, eh?
346
00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:42,860
Why does it have to be
all or nothing?
347
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:45,380
We've all been brainwashed, Andrew.
348
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:49,420
There is a third way, after all.
349
00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:52,180
I'm not sure I follow.
350
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:56,220
Well, I'm a young, hot,
independent woman.
351
00:16:57,260 --> 00:17:01,260
You know, I've got needs,
you've got needs.
352
00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:05,740
You're just being a bit sexist.
353
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,820
What?
354
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:11,180
But I thought we were
getting back together.
355
00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:15,220
Why do you keep sleeping with me if
you're not in love with me any more?
356
00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:19,140
Boredom.
357
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:23,180
Look, it's my rules and I won't be
tied down by labels.
358
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:27,420
Are you dumping me?
Because I love you, Meg. No!
359
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:31,740
It's just...
Look, it's the third way, OK?
360
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:35,780
It's about having the freedom
to...to sleep with...whoever...
361
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:41,140
..I want.
362
00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:44,380
So you're cheating on me? No!
363
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:46,700
No, it's...
364
00:17:46,740 --> 00:17:49,020
It's...the third way.
365
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:52,180
Right, because it sounds like
you've cheated on me
366
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:53,940
and you want to continue
cheating on me
367
00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:56,660
with my permission.
368
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,220
Would...
369
00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:00,700
Would that be something you
were into? Obviously not!
370
00:18:00,740 --> 00:18:03,180
Defin... No! No.
371
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,940
So you've brought me to this
shithole because you're dumping me?
372
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:08,940
No! Look, the reason we're
in the dumping pub is not...
373
00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:11,540
You call this place
the dumping pub?! Hmm?
374
00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:15,420
You have a dumping pub!
375
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:17,460
Pfft!
376
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,940
Just...
377
00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:23,820
How are you feeling, Laura?
378
00:18:23,860 --> 00:18:27,340
Yeah, fine. Relieved.
379
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,380
I mean, I do feel a bit guilty.
380
00:18:29,420 --> 00:18:31,980
HE SOBS
381
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,380
Sound advice, Bun,
you're a top mate.
382
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:36,820
And cheers for telling me
to move in - smart move, that.
383
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,780
Yeah, um, Laura, about that,
384
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:41,620
Meg wanted me to tell you that she
doesn't want you to move in with us.
385
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,460
So where am I going to live?
386
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:44,820
Yeah, that's a good point.
387
00:18:44,860 --> 00:18:47,660
Well, you could have told me
before I dumped Gary.
388
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:50,420
LOUD SOBBING CONTINUES
389
00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:53,420
Yeah, that would have been
a better way around.
390
00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,220
I'll fix this.
391
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:58,260
You've tried to meet me here
at the dumping pub before.
392
00:18:58,300 --> 00:18:59,980
You don't really like me at all,
do you?
393
00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:02,460
You just like being
taken out for dinner.
394
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,300
You didn't really leave your phone
in the cagoule, did you?
395
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:07,580
You were sleeping with someone else,
weren't you?
396
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:09,900
And now you're dumping me. No!
397
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:13,060
Look, it's the third
fucking way, OK!
398
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:16,340
This is not a dumping,
I cannot stress that enough.
399
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:19,100
We are here because
Laura's dumping Gary
400
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:22,700
and then Bunny and I are dumping
Laura as a flatmate.
401
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,140
Can you hear yourself?
402
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:28,700
Yes.
403
00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:32,740
HE EXHALES
404
00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:39,060
I'm confused. So I'm dumped,
but you still want to live with me?
405
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:40,860
Yeah, the arrangement is
we live together,
406
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:42,660
but we sleep with whoever we like.
407
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,140
It's called the third way.
408
00:19:44,180 --> 00:19:46,340
That's sounds fine for you,
you're a hot bird.
409
00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:48,660
What about me?
I can't pull for shit, can I?
410
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:51,060
Fair point.
I'll have to stay with you and Meg.
411
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,380
No, let's not be too hasty, Gary.
412
00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:55,420
When was the last time you tried
to pull? I can't remember.
413
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:56,820
OK, so a little rusty.
414
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:58,420
That's fine, we can help you.
415
00:19:58,460 --> 00:20:00,780
This is messed up.
You've got to loosen up, Gary.
416
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:02,580
This is the modern dating scene -
417
00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:04,300
people do the third way
all the time.
418
00:20:04,340 --> 00:20:05,900
Meg is doing it with
Andrew right now.
419
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:08,180
ANDREW: I'm going to leave.
Are you going to stop me?
420
00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:10,460
No, I'm not going to stop you.
OK, that's annoying, but...
421
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,940
No-one's going to want me,
though. True.
422
00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:16,420
Gary, you're a catch.
You've got so much going for you.
423
00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:18,580
You're a businessman. Kind of.
424
00:20:18,620 --> 00:20:21,940
Carpet fitter.
And you're kind and good-looking.
425
00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:23,220
Am I? Cheers.
426
00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:25,700
Gorgeous blue eyes, great height,
427
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:27,620
so muscular. Lovely smile.
428
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:28,980
Always thought so.
429
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,580
All right, Bunny.
You're not so bad yourself.
430
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:33,100
Always liked your face.
431
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:34,500
Your tits.
432
00:20:34,540 --> 00:20:35,940
And you don't strike me as a man
433
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:38,100
who has anything to worry
about downstairs.
434
00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:40,020
Wilbur is about average.
435
00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:43,580
And Laura tells me that
you're a very good kisser.
436
00:20:43,620 --> 00:20:46,940
I feel like I'm being hit on.
Yeah, it does seem a bit like that.
437
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:49,740
And how does that make you feel?
Good!
438
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,340
Nice. Confident. See!
439
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:55,020
This could be the perfect
arrangement for both of you.
440
00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:58,220
Imagine,
you get to kiss whoever you like.
441
00:20:58,260 --> 00:21:01,820
No labels, no boundaries, no rules,
442
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:05,340
you can just...
443
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:07,020
..go for it.
444
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:10,060
Mmm!
445
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:11,820
What the fuck?!
446
00:21:11,860 --> 00:21:13,940
You ARE a good kisser!
I want to do the third way.
447
00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:16,180
What is wrong with you people?!
448
00:21:16,220 --> 00:21:18,060
Sozzers, Laura,
it was too far, my bad.
449
00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:20,300
But by way of demonstration,
that went well, I thought.
450
00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:22,980
We're not doing the third way.
Oh, what?! We're not doing it!
451
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,900
Ain't going to work. Are you just
jealous, or do you still love me?
452
00:21:25,940 --> 00:21:29,940
Gary, it's the same thing.
453
00:21:30,180 --> 00:21:32,820
I did that.
454
00:21:32,860 --> 00:21:34,860
Oh, and Meg...
455
00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,420
..you don't realise it now,
456
00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:40,140
but me and you have something,
we've got something special
457
00:21:40,180 --> 00:21:43,660
and unique and I was going to
support you no matter what,
458
00:21:43,700 --> 00:21:46,300
I was going to watch you
grow and love you.
459
00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:49,180
I was going to give you my love.
460
00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:53,220
One day you'll want someone's love
and you'll understand.
461
00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:57,580
Maybe it'll be mine,
maybe not, but...
462
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,860
..I hope you remember
it was offered,
463
00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:02,140
sincerely.
464
00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:05,340
And generously and...
465
00:22:05,380 --> 00:22:09,380
..unconditionally.
466
00:22:09,780 --> 00:22:12,660
Bye, Meg.
467
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:16,700
MEG SIGHS
468
00:22:17,940 --> 00:22:21,580
Bit boring, though.
So boring. Yeah. Bastard.
469
00:22:21,620 --> 00:22:23,180
Right, shall we head off, then?
470
00:22:23,220 --> 00:22:24,660
Yeah, let's go.
471
00:22:24,700 --> 00:22:26,620
The cola's disgusting in here.
472
00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:28,820
Well, my work here is done.
473
00:22:28,860 --> 00:22:31,780
You've done nothing, they're
in exactly the same situation
474
00:22:31,820 --> 00:22:34,820
as they were before, except
you've now kissed her boyfriend.
475
00:22:34,860 --> 00:22:37,180
Still at least we have our flat
to ourselves again.
476
00:22:37,220 --> 00:22:38,580
Yeah, you do.
477
00:22:38,620 --> 00:22:41,580
I'm going on a guilt-free
sex marathon with Hot & Cold.
478
00:22:41,620 --> 00:22:45,620
Don't wait up.
479
00:22:47,660 --> 00:22:49,420
Good news.
480
00:22:49,460 --> 00:22:53,180
Je suis single. Yeah,
now's not really a very good time.
481
00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:56,180
FEMALE VOICE: Who is it?
Uh, it's just a Jehovah's Witness.
482
00:22:56,220 --> 00:23:00,220
Oh, fuck off!
But you said about the third way!
483
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:03,820
OK, bye.
484
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:07,820
# I'm just a love machine,
feeding my fantasy
485
00:23:07,860 --> 00:23:10,820
# Give me a kiss or three
486
00:23:10,860 --> 00:23:12,140
# And I'm fine
487
00:23:12,180 --> 00:23:13,860
# I need a squeeze a day
488
00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:15,860
# Instead of this negligee
489
00:23:15,900 --> 00:23:19,260
# What will the neighbours say
490
00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:20,300
# This time?
491
00:23:20,340 --> 00:23:23,340
# Oh, it's very new
492
00:23:23,380 --> 00:23:27,380
# Can anybody tell me what to do?
493
00:23:28,380 --> 00:23:31,980
# Oh, this feeling's very strange
494
00:23:32,020 --> 00:23:33,860
Can anybody tell me
what's you're game?
495
00:23:33,910 --> 00:23:38,460
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