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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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I want something long-term
and lasting.
3
00:00:23,250 --> 00:00:25,009
I don't want to ride any old thing.
4
00:00:25,010 --> 00:00:26,650
But maybe that's because I'm
Swedish,
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00:00:26,650 --> 00:00:29,609
we have a very
different attitude to cycling.
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00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:32,969
So, Bendt, I was just thinking, I bet
my mates will be pretty impressed
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00:00:32,970 --> 00:00:35,289
when I tell them I've
been on a date with a Swedish guy.
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00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:37,529
Whoa, whoa! "Date?" Yeah.
9
00:00:37,530 --> 00:00:41,530
Maybe I misunderstand. I understood
"date" to mean romantic.
10
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,289
Sorry?
11
00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:47,290
I understood this to be a study
meeting? Language exchange?
12
00:00:47,650 --> 00:00:50,209
Anyway, I've kind of been selfish.
13
00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:52,410
You also wanted to
practise your Swedish.
14
00:00:57,090 --> 00:01:00,289
Finns det manga saker for ungdomar
att gora i din stad?
15
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:04,290
Eller ar detta ett stort problem?
16
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,169
Wallander?
17
00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:10,449
So basically my first date in forever
wasn't actually a date.
18
00:01:10,450 --> 00:01:11,889
I was human homework.
19
00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:13,129
Did you not get my text?
20
00:01:13,130 --> 00:01:14,369
What text?
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00:01:14,370 --> 00:01:16,489
"Cucumber!"
It's our agreed safe word.
22
00:01:16,490 --> 00:01:18,889
If I text you "cucumber",
it means I need rescuing.
23
00:01:18,890 --> 00:01:21,649
Oh, I just thought you were
sending me a friendly, erotic text.
24
00:01:21,650 --> 00:01:25,650
What's erotic about the word
"cucumber"? Oh, Meg!
25
00:01:28,850 --> 00:01:31,969
Ain't that the second
bird this week?
26
00:01:31,970 --> 00:01:33,649
Yes! How is he doing this?
27
00:01:33,650 --> 00:01:36,169
He must be drugging them.
28
00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:39,489
Ladies!
29
00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,529
He's actually winning the break-up.
30
00:01:41,530 --> 00:01:45,049
He's clearly on BangR. You need to
download it too, Meg. Pronto.
31
00:01:45,050 --> 00:01:46,569
What's 'BangR'?
32
00:01:46,570 --> 00:01:48,809
Oh, Meg! "What's BangR?"
"What are cucumbers?"
33
00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:51,449
God, you're so innocent.
I didn't say "What are cucumbers?"!
34
00:01:51,450 --> 00:01:53,369
It's a sex app.
35
00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:56,609
It's like eBay for cock and balls.
Without the shit old clothes.
36
00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:59,249
It's still a rapists'
paradise, isn't it?
37
00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:02,169
There's always that risk, Meg.
It's the downside to having a twat.
38
00:02:02,170 --> 00:02:04,969
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I do see the appeal of being
39
00:02:04,970 --> 00:02:07,529
rejected in the comfort
of your own home, but...
40
00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:10,489
Here we go. "Where's the romance?"
Such a homo!
41
00:02:10,490 --> 00:02:13,569
Oh, come on, Meg, get involved.
It's the 20th century. Is it?
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00:02:13,570 --> 00:02:16,329
It's no coincidence that
your absence from the world
43
00:02:16,330 --> 00:02:19,009
of cyber-courtship correlates
directly with the absence
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00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:21,329
of penis up inside your vag.
45
00:02:21,330 --> 00:02:22,969
Are both of you on this thing?
46
00:02:22,970 --> 00:02:25,089
Meg? Everyone is!
47
00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:28,609
Fine! I'll try it.
48
00:02:28,610 --> 00:02:31,569
Freak. Freak. Fit...
49
00:02:31,570 --> 00:02:33,449
You've got a boyfriend!
50
00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:37,450
Yeah, but it's only a bit of fun,
innit? It's no big deal.
51
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,289
Gary!
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00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:40,729
The little bastard's on BangR!
53
00:02:40,730 --> 00:02:42,129
Right!
54
00:02:42,130 --> 00:02:44,289
Make sure you do her up for her
profile pic.
55
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:46,369
This "barely there"
look won't cut it.
56
00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:48,209
Yeah, Meg, have you got a padded
bra?
57
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,689
I think she means my make-up is
barely there?
58
00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:52,889
Oh. Of course. Sorry.
59
00:02:52,890 --> 00:02:56,890
Seriously, though...
Yeah I'll go and get it.
60
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:04,890
Gary, can I borrow your phone?
61
00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:11,169
Oh! What you doin' that for?!
62
00:03:11,170 --> 00:03:13,489
Laura!
63
00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:17,490
That, HorneyGary69 from Armley,
who likes poetry, motorsports
64
00:03:17,690 --> 00:03:20,689
and Katie Price,
is what you get for being on BangR!
65
00:03:20,690 --> 00:03:23,369
Yeah, well, knock yourself out,
because you're dumped, mate!
66
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:27,370
'Gradual pressure transition
finishing...'
67
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,609
Face tattoo.
68
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,489
Ugh! Weird earhole things.
69
00:03:33,490 --> 00:03:37,490
Oh, he's tucked it between his legs!
70
00:03:37,690 --> 00:03:39,249
Yes!
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00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:40,369
Fit.
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00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:41,689
Ping!
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00:03:41,690 --> 00:03:43,409
Meg, don't be so shallow!
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00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:46,729
At least read his profile first. You
don't even know what car he's got.
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00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:48,969
Ugh. What he looks normal. Ish.
76
00:03:48,970 --> 00:03:51,489
I don't care. He's probably
an insufferable bell-end.
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00:03:51,490 --> 00:03:54,769
Guys that good-looking usually are.
I'm not after sparkling conversation.
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00:03:54,770 --> 00:03:57,169
I just want a face that looks
great on the selfie
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00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,049
I post several times on Instagram.
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00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:01,409
Which Mark may or may not see.
Exactly.
81
00:04:01,410 --> 00:04:02,689
Bosh!
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00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:04,050
Oh, hi, Dad.
83
00:04:04,050 --> 00:04:05,929
Hi, Meg, it's Dad!
84
00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:08,850
Yes, I know. Your name comes up on
the screen every time you ring me.
85
00:04:08,851 --> 00:04:12,850
Listen, Meg, I don't want you to
worry, but your mum's in hospital.
86
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:16,009
What? Why? She's had a little fall.
87
00:04:16,010 --> 00:04:18,569
Oh, God! Well, I'll come there now.
No, Meg, don't.
88
00:04:18,570 --> 00:04:20,969
Dad! Mum is in hospital!
89
00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:22,889
I think she'll want me to be there.
90
00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:26,689
And you'll have to
pay for the cab when I arrive.
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00:04:26,690 --> 00:04:28,889
Frank,
I told you I didn't want Meg down.
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00:04:28,890 --> 00:04:30,369
Well, thanks a lot!
93
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:33,729
It's fine, love. You didn't need
to come, it's nothing, really.
94
00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:37,730
Don't be silly. How did it happen?
95
00:04:38,090 --> 00:04:41,609
I slipped. Slipped doing what?
96
00:04:41,610 --> 00:04:43,449
In the shower.
97
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,009
Shower.
98
00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:47,529
Why have you got a bandage on,
Uncle Frank?
99
00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:49,089
Eh?!
100
00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:50,929
Oh, right, yeah.
101
00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:54,529
Um. Oh, come on, we're all adults
here, aren't we?
102
00:04:54,530 --> 00:04:57,329
I slipped as well, Meg.
In the shower.
103
00:04:57,330 --> 00:05:00,409
Oh! Please kill me!
104
00:05:00,410 --> 00:05:02,129
Not a totally wasted journey.
105
00:05:02,130 --> 00:05:05,169
We can still find out which nearby
fit doctors are on BangR.
106
00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:08,049
The whole doctors
and nurses thing is just so sexy.
107
00:05:08,050 --> 00:05:11,329
Yeah, I think in reality, they prod
around people's diseased bits
108
00:05:11,330 --> 00:05:14,089
and wash old ladies - not my idea
of the apex of eroticism.
109
00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:15,609
Bingo!
110
00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:17,609
Ah! Time to
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00:05:17,610 --> 00:05:21,610
"get myself an appointment",
if you know what I mean. Yep.
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00:05:22,130 --> 00:05:24,129
An "appointment for sex". Uh-huh.
113
00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:25,729
With him. Yes, I got it, Bunny.
114
00:05:25,730 --> 00:05:27,329
Ooh!
115
00:05:27,330 --> 00:05:29,809
Oh!
What does a little red cross mean?
116
00:05:29,810 --> 00:05:31,729
Is that something to do
with first aid?
117
00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:33,889
No, that means he's
rejected your match request.
118
00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:35,849
No. That does not happen to me.
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00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:37,169
Bunny, believe me.
120
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,249
I've been on BangR
for three hours now.
121
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:43,250
I know what rejection looks like.
It looks like a little red cross.
122
00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:47,770
B-but, I'm doing dead eyes
and blow-job lips in my picture.
123
00:05:47,970 --> 00:05:49,809
Welcome to the world of rejection!
124
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:53,810
Please join me in the holding
area and wait to be called.
125
00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:56,649
So. I've been thinking.
126
00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:59,969
I think he must've been
in surgery and his finger slipped.
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00:05:59,970 --> 00:06:02,529
What? The doctor I was telling you
about.
128
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,649
Let it go, mate.
129
00:06:04,650 --> 00:06:07,249
Ooh.
130
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,009
Oh, yes! The unfeasibly fit guy's
got back to me!
131
00:06:10,010 --> 00:06:12,089
I'm going on a date with Chris!
132
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:14,729
Let's see?
Check it out. Winning the break-up!
133
00:06:14,730 --> 00:06:17,009
What you gonna wear?
Need something slutty.
134
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,449
Can I borrow a dress, then? Yeah.
135
00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:20,489
So, where you going on this
"hot" date, Meg?
136
00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:21,969
Well, he lives in Goole?
137
00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:23,329
So just going to meet there.
138
00:06:23,330 --> 00:06:24,729
Goole? Yeah.
139
00:06:24,730 --> 00:06:26,169
The town? Yeah.
140
00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:27,329
The town near Hull?
141
00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:31,209
Oh, shit, is it?
That's, like, 4O miles away!
142
00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:33,649
Didn't you limit your search
distance?
143
00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:36,449
I didn't know you had
"limit your search distance"!
144
00:06:36,450 --> 00:06:37,809
Oh, great!
145
00:06:37,810 --> 00:06:39,209
You're not going, are you?
146
00:06:39,210 --> 00:06:41,969
I've put all the groundwork in now.
147
00:06:41,970 --> 00:06:43,449
Fuck it.
148
00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:45,049
I'll just go to Goole.
149
00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:47,609
So you're now commuting for a
one-night stand? Disgusting!
150
00:06:47,610 --> 00:06:50,649
If he finds out you've travelled all
the way from Leeds just for a date,
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00:06:50,650 --> 00:06:53,049
he's going to think you're
really desperate.
152
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,809
Well, he doesn't have to know.
I could be from Goole.
153
00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:59,369
"Hello, I am Meg, I am
from Goole. Charmed, I'm sure!"
154
00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:00,849
Have you ever even been to Goole?
155
00:07:00,850 --> 00:07:02,569
I'll just read the Wikipedia entry.
156
00:07:02,570 --> 00:07:05,329
Bone up on a few factoids.
157
00:07:05,330 --> 00:07:08,049
Don't say "factoids"
on your date, mate. Yeah.
158
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:10,809
I've got meself a BangR date
tomorrow night, as well.
159
00:07:10,810 --> 00:07:12,329
Just to piss off Gary.
160
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:13,889
You sort yourself a date, Ginge?
161
00:07:13,890 --> 00:07:16,489
No. No. But I've been thinking
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00:07:16,490 --> 00:07:19,169
that tomorrow night, I'm going
to go to the hospital. Oh, God!
163
00:07:19,170 --> 00:07:20,529
I know that feeling of regret
164
00:07:20,530 --> 00:07:23,089
when you accidentally swipe
somebody out of your life.
165
00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:25,329
He's probably lost sleep over
it ever since.
166
00:07:25,330 --> 00:07:27,529
He's a doctor. Lives are at stake.
167
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,009
It must be put right.
168
00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:33,010
It's practically a public duty.
169
00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:41,329
Hello, I'm looking
for a particular doctor.
170
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,969
I don't know his name.
He has brown hair
171
00:07:42,970 --> 00:07:45,409
and the enigmatic sexual
energy of a young David Cameron.
172
00:07:45,410 --> 00:07:47,089
Oh, yeah, that'd be Doctor Adams.
173
00:07:47,090 --> 00:07:48,569
"Doctor Adams"!
174
00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:50,849
And is he working tonight?
175
00:07:50,850 --> 00:07:52,889
He is. May I ask...
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00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,209
Ah-ba-ba-ba-ba.
177
00:07:55,210 --> 00:07:59,210
Fit things come to those who wait.
178
00:08:10,930 --> 00:08:13,530
Right, well, your profile picture
bullshitted me.
179
00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:14,729
You look nothing like it.
180
00:08:14,730 --> 00:08:18,530
Well, I have been working out
a fair bit since then.
181
00:08:28,690 --> 00:08:30,130
Hi, Laura!
182
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:32,289
Come quick, terrorists have set fire
to me
183
00:08:32,290 --> 00:08:34,049
and hit me with a hammer and stuff.
184
00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:36,489
Don't worry, I'm staying
put in Uncle Sam's.
185
00:08:36,490 --> 00:08:40,209
Gary's just walked in with some
skank who's got a fanny. Ugh!
186
00:08:40,210 --> 00:08:42,289
Bet this is where
he takes all his whores.
187
00:08:42,290 --> 00:08:44,369
Isn't it where you two got
together?
188
00:08:44,370 --> 00:08:45,410
Whatever.
189
00:09:15,730 --> 00:09:17,290
Chris, I presume!
190
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,889
Meg, right? Hi!
191
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:21,329
Sorry I'm a bit late.
192
00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:23,209
No worries.
Did you have to come far?
193
00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:26,729
No! No. Just, you know
down the road.
194
00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:28,849
Oh, right, whereabouts? Goole.
195
00:09:28,850 --> 00:09:30,809
Yeah, right, whereabouts in Goole?
196
00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:34,449
Central Goole. Near the main shop.
197
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:36,249
Yep, I'm a Gooler.
198
00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:39,849
I'm Goolean. I am a Gool-eh!
199
00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:41,249
Right.
200
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:44,009
Yeah, a lot of people hate on Goole
but I always say,
201
00:09:44,010 --> 00:09:46,009
which other port on
the north-east coast
202
00:09:46,010 --> 00:09:50,010
can handle nearly three
million tonnes of cargo per annum?
203
00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:52,769
Right, yeah. Is it that much?
204
00:09:52,770 --> 00:09:56,049
Zlotow in Poland is twinned
with Goole.
205
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,969
Somebody knows their factoids.
206
00:09:58,970 --> 00:10:00,610
Goooooole!
207
00:10:12,034 --> 00:10:16,290
It seems to be just
when I eat certain types of jam.
208
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:20,049
It doesn't happen with fruit, it is
just the kind of compote,
209
00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:21,610
kind of preserve thing.
210
00:10:21,610 --> 00:10:24,049
It's not much my head swells up,
my face...
211
00:10:24,050 --> 00:10:26,689
almost the opposite, like shrinks.
212
00:10:26,690 --> 00:10:28,690
So the skin kind of tightens...
213
00:10:30,410 --> 00:10:33,369
Oh, Eugene, you're so funny!
214
00:10:33,370 --> 00:10:36,409
Oh, no, no, it's Adrian.
My name's Adrian.
215
00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:38,209
Potato, tomato.
216
00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:39,849
So, what's your job?
217
00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:43,690
I work in the marketing sector
of a global enterprise...
218
00:10:45,370 --> 00:10:48,289
You're so charming!
219
00:10:48,290 --> 00:10:50,689
Do excuse me.
220
00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:54,690
I must slash.
221
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,809
What are you playing at?
222
00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:01,929
I don't know what you're
talking about. I've moved on, Gary.
223
00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:05,529
This shit has sailed.
You've clearly picked up the first guy you could find on BangR
224
00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:06,729
to try and make me jealous.
225
00:11:06,730 --> 00:11:10,089
Bollocks. Adrian might not be
Alex Reid.
226
00:11:10,090 --> 00:11:12,169
But he's a good man.
Maybe a great man.
227
00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:13,769
And he knows his way around my twat.
228
00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:16,170
I think you should leave.
I think you should leave.
229
00:11:16,171 --> 00:11:17,610
I'm not going anywhere.
230
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:21,129
Well, neither am I.
231
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:23,729
Ask the waitress for her biggest
bottle of champagne.
232
00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:25,369
Er, could we... a bottle of
champagne.
233
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:28,809
Your biggest one. Right, what else?
234
00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:30,889
We'll show him
who's on the best date!
235
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:32,969
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
236
00:11:32,970 --> 00:11:35,089
And it's such a small thing
but I really hate it
237
00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:37,249
when people call it
Games Of Thrones.
238
00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:40,409
It's clearly GAME of Thrones
and just because I'm Northern
239
00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:43,769
doesn't mean I'd choose House Stark,
obviously it would be...
240
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,449
House Tyrell!
241
00:11:45,450 --> 00:11:49,089
All the way. Strategically,
the Reach is so important.
242
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:52,049
Good luck trying to starve us
out in a siege!
243
00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:56,050
To Highgarden!
244
00:11:58,450 --> 00:12:01,449
If you think you're getting to him
first, you're dreaming, love.
245
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:05,450
I just vomited a pint of blood.
Oh, I bet you did.
246
00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:08,889
Hi, Meg.
The fit guy isn't a bell end!
247
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:11,769
What? He's amazing! He's amazing and
he likes Game Of Thrones
248
00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:14,689
and he reads books for pleasure
and he likes me! Bunny, I seriously think
249
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,889
this could actually be
the start of something big!
250
00:12:16,890 --> 00:12:20,049
You're not supposed to be getting
attached, this is a sexual conquest.
251
00:12:20,050 --> 00:12:22,249
He does know you're not from Goole?
Shit...
252
00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,769
No, it's fine. I can keep that up.
253
00:12:23,770 --> 00:12:27,169
Hell, maybe I'll even move to Goole!
Can't be that bad.
254
00:12:27,170 --> 00:12:29,129
Did you know it has
the largest out-of-town
255
00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:30,729
Morrisons in the East Riding?
256
00:12:30,730 --> 00:12:34,730
Oh, shut up, gotta go!
257
00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:40,529
The doctor will see me now.
258
00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:44,530
Nice try.
259
00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:48,009
Hi, Doctor. Er, yes?
I think I'm having an allergic reaction to something
260
00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:52,010
and I'm feeling all hot and
bothered.
261
00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:56,210
I wondered if you could give me
a looking over. What are you doing this evening?
262
00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:58,769
I'm surgically removing
a particularly aggressive
263
00:12:58,770 --> 00:13:01,209
tumour from a man's colon.
264
00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:03,169
Ooh, colon...
265
00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:05,849
That's... up your arse.
266
00:13:05,850 --> 00:13:09,689
Look, you're not exhibiting any
obvious physical symptoms.
267
00:13:09,690 --> 00:13:11,369
You need to be sick to be in here.
268
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:15,370
Now, I really must go.
269
00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:21,969
Can we get shitloads of them little
burgers you can eat in one bite?
270
00:13:21,970 --> 00:13:25,129
Can I get some Baileys profiteroles
for the table, please.
271
00:13:25,130 --> 00:13:28,489
More ribs, waiter!
The big ones on the sizzly plates!
272
00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:32,490
Two of your biggest knickerbocker
glories with extra sparklers!
273
00:13:32,530 --> 00:13:34,729
Nachos. Loads of them.
274
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:38,330
Coffees for everyone!
Filter coffees for everyone!
275
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:47,570
# Happy birthday, dear Adrian
276
00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:52,170
Happy birthday to you!
277
00:13:58,450 --> 00:14:00,969
Laura, I keep telling you,
my birthday's in April.
278
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:04,969
Shut up, you specky knob.
279
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,369
Hiya, Mum, yeah, it's me.
280
00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:11,370
Quick question -
what am I allergic to?
281
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:13,809
Sorry, do you sell penicillin?
282
00:14:13,810 --> 00:14:15,529
No.
Birch tree pollen?
283
00:14:15,530 --> 00:14:17,529
No.
How about chillies?
284
00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:19,489
Yes.
Perfect.
285
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:21,649
Bye, Mummy.
286
00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:25,650
Well, I guess that's the date.
Yeah... I mean,
287
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:28,170
unless we...
288
00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:32,049
Go back to yours for a drink?
289
00:14:32,050 --> 00:14:33,369
Problem with that.
290
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,889
Flatmate has got the rugby lads
round and by the time I left,
291
00:14:35,890 --> 00:14:39,449
there were already quite a few
bollocks on display, so...
292
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:42,169
But we could go back to yours?
Can't.
293
00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:46,169
Really, because, same problem.
Yeah... um...
294
00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:50,170
My flatmate' got all her hockey
team round and, um...
295
00:14:50,330 --> 00:14:53,369
they've got their fannies out.
296
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:57,370
Next time, then? Yeah.
I'd really like that.
297
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:02,569
At least let me walk to home. No.
298
00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:06,570
No, honestly, that is very kind,
but there's, there's really no need.
299
00:15:06,930 --> 00:15:09,249
Sorry, but I insist. Oh, God.
300
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,849
We both know what happened on
Anderson Road last week.
301
00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:14,969
Yes, we do.
302
00:15:14,970 --> 00:15:18,970
Who could have missed it, in the
local Goole newspaper.
303
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:23,410
The... Goole Times.
That's where I read it.
304
00:15:25,330 --> 00:15:29,330
Ooh! We really have pushed the boat
out, haven't we?
305
00:15:30,410 --> 00:15:33,049
Just so you know, I aren't
one of these feminist people.
306
00:15:33,050 --> 00:15:35,810
No, I wouldn't dream
of insulting you as a woman
307
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:39,210
by suggesting anything other than
splitting the bill.
308
00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:43,210
50-50?
I'll take 90-10.
309
00:15:46,930 --> 00:15:49,449
Fuck, Gary! How we
going to pay these bills?!
310
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:53,409
I'm thinkin', I'm thinkin'.
311
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:56,449
Right, how about this -
we go out through the bog window
312
00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:58,329
and let our dates pick up the tab?
313
00:15:58,330 --> 00:15:59,929
"Go out through the bog window."
314
00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:02,609
That's your answer to everything,
isn't it, Gary?
315
00:16:02,610 --> 00:16:04,649
Most things, yeah.
316
00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:06,929
Right, let's do it.
317
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:09,969
Hey, Laura... Being in here -
do you know what it reminds me of?
318
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,369
Our first date, innit.
319
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:14,889
This is our cubicle.
Do you remember?
320
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:18,890
Right, come on, get your kecks off
and stand on the toilet seat before I change my mind.
321
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:27,570
Hang on, didn't
we already walk down this street?
322
00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:30,209
Well... this is me.
323
00:16:30,210 --> 00:16:31,649
Which one?
324
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:35,650
This one.
325
00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:39,529
Well, you've got my number, so...
326
00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:43,530
Why've you got a wheelchair ramp
to your front door?
327
00:16:44,010 --> 00:16:46,889
I think the question is, Chris,
why haven't you got one?
328
00:16:46,890 --> 00:16:50,849
Fair point. Installed it straight
after the Paralympics. So don't tell me there's no legacy.
329
00:16:50,850 --> 00:16:54,850
That fucker there -
that's your legacy.
330
00:16:57,290 --> 00:16:59,609
That was nice.
331
00:16:59,610 --> 00:17:01,769
I'll call you.
332
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:05,770
Bye, then.
Bye, then.
333
00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:27,650
Off you piss now, Christopher.
334
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:33,650
Oh, dear lord, it's open...
335
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:42,330
You must be the girl
from the agency.
336
00:17:47,490 --> 00:17:50,729
Yes.
337
00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,369
Yes,
338
00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:55,409
that's why I'm in your house.
339
00:17:55,410 --> 00:17:59,410
Come to wash my bottom half.
340
00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:02,249
Have I?
341
00:18:02,250 --> 00:18:06,250
Or was it just your hands this week?
342
00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:10,290
If I can't reach it,
I can't wipe it.
343
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:22,490
Meg? What are you doing?
344
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:26,729
Chris,
345
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,329
I'm sorry,
346
00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:31,769
I live in Leeds -
and that's not my house.
347
00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:34,289
I thought I shouldn't say that
cos it might look mental that
348
00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:36,969
I'd come all this way just for sex -
not that it was just for sex -
349
00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:39,209
I mean it was just for sex when I
was trying to win the break-up -
350
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:41,609
and I thought you'd be a bell end
because of your face but you're not,
351
00:18:41,610 --> 00:18:44,889
you're really nice,
even though you've got the arms and chest of a bell end - in a good way.
352
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,649
And there was no way I was going to
wash that old lady's vagina
353
00:18:47,650 --> 00:18:49,929
just to keep up the pretence
that I live in Goole.
354
00:18:49,930 --> 00:18:53,930
Look. The point is - I lied.
That's bad.
355
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:59,330
Now if it's what you want,
I'll get back on the coach to Leeds and you'll never see me again.
356
00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:02,289
And we'll never know what
might've been.
357
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:04,329
Or...
358
00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:06,329
I could stay here with you.
359
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:10,330
And we can could, who knows,
fall in love,
360
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,969
start a new life.
Here.
361
00:19:12,970 --> 00:19:15,009
In Goole.
362
00:19:15,010 --> 00:19:17,529
Meg and Chris.
363
00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:21,530
What do you say?
364
00:19:24,210 --> 00:19:28,210
Oh, God. I think I've lost
my ticket. Do you take credit cards?
365
00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:31,969
Oh, come on!
366
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:35,970
It's the last bus!
367
00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:59,730
Ugh!
368
00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:25,050
What? Help me! I've done something
really, really silly.
369
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,769
I seriously think I might be dying.
370
00:20:27,770 --> 00:20:28,889
Thanks Bunny,
371
00:20:28,890 --> 00:20:31,169
I texted you cucumber an hour ago
372
00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:35,170
but, believe me, you're far,
far too late.
373
00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:49,570
You know you can limit the search...
Yes, I know you can limit the search distance, Mark...
374
00:20:50,730 --> 00:20:54,249
..now.
375
00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:55,529
Thanks for this.
376
00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:57,809
I can't take you all
the way to the flat, by the way.
377
00:20:57,810 --> 00:20:59,889
you'll have to
walk from Dewsbury Road.
378
00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:03,890
Why? I've got a date.
Of course you have.
379
00:21:04,210 --> 00:21:08,210
Hang on - it's nearly midnight!
What kind of date starts at...
380
00:21:08,210 --> 00:21:09,730
Oh, right.
381
00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:18,009
Bunny, we came as quickly as we
could!
382
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,609
I'm so sorry - are you OK?!
383
00:21:19,610 --> 00:21:22,649
She's responding well to treatment -
the pain still comes and goes in
384
00:21:22,650 --> 00:21:25,689
waves - but we're doing everything
we can to make her comfortable.
385
00:21:25,690 --> 00:21:28,809
Tom's been telling me
about his motorbike -
386
00:21:28,810 --> 00:21:30,689
it sounds ever so exciting!
387
00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:34,369
Well, I shall have to take you
for a ride some time, Bunny. I mean,
388
00:21:34,370 --> 00:21:35,849
not while you're still a patient.
389
00:21:35,850 --> 00:21:37,810
That would be rather unprofessional.
390
00:21:41,730 --> 00:21:44,729
It's OK, Bunny -
breathe through the pain.
391
00:21:44,730 --> 00:21:48,649
Fuckin' hell - is she all right?
392
00:21:48,650 --> 00:21:50,009
Nurse!
393
00:21:50,010 --> 00:21:53,850
Oh, my God!
394
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:14,730
So sorry about that, I... I don't
know what happened there. Just...
395
00:22:28,530 --> 00:22:31,529
Oh, God, that's better.
396
00:22:31,530 --> 00:22:33,169
So...
397
00:22:33,170 --> 00:22:36,609
Tom - this motorbike.
398
00:22:36,610 --> 00:22:38,169
Is it a Harley?
399
00:22:38,170 --> 00:22:41,369
Are you sending someone a safe word?
I don't know what you mean.
400
00:22:41,370 --> 00:22:43,929
Ooh.
401
00:22:43,930 --> 00:22:47,930
Got to go. Emergency.
402
00:22:50,050 --> 00:22:54,050
Technically... technically he did ask
me out. You both just witnessed it.
403
00:22:56,370 --> 00:22:59,009
Never been turned down.
404
00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:00,809
How was Goole, Meg?
405
00:23:00,810 --> 00:23:04,650
Goole? Yes. Nice enough town.
I can never go back.
406
00:23:04,650 --> 00:23:05,769
How was your night?
407
00:23:05,770 --> 00:23:09,770
Well, me and Gary have a big
important announcement to make.
408
00:23:11,130 --> 00:23:13,450
We've decided to come off BangR.
409
00:23:13,450 --> 00:23:15,649
Oh, my God, that's so romantic.
410
00:23:15,650 --> 00:23:19,249
I think we should
all come off BangR.
411
00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:20,971
And open a window.
412
00:23:22,165 --> 00:23:51,840
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413
00:23:51,890 --> 00:23:56,440
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