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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
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00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,039
Morning.
3
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:58,799
You're happy. Let me guess, Twitter
followers hit double figures?
4
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,759
Nope. Still plateauing
at the big seven. Good wedding?
5
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,719
It was brilliant. I met someone,
actually. We just hit it off.
6
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,399
She ended up staying over.
7
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,559
She?
8
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,999
I made a new friend.
I had a friend-night stand, Laura.
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So you met a girl at a wedding,
you brought her back here
10
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,119
and slept in a bed with her.
Sounds a bit gay, mate.
11
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,039
Oh, come on, you know
I'm all about the dong.
12
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,959
Yeah, I forgot you're a cock magnet.
13
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,879
I just made a new friend.
Is that so hard to believe? Yes.
14
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,759
Look, she's brilliant, Laura.
You're going to love her.
15
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:26,959
She's over from Australia.
16
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,679
We met over our love
for the wheel of Stilton.
17
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:32,359
We befriended a waiter, then he
gave us a bottle of champagne,
18
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,799
then we made up a dance,
then we did karaoke together.
19
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,239
She's a top laugh. I'll invite her
to my brother's 21st tonight.
20
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,359
Meg, it's all happening so fast.
21
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,319
Morning!
22
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,559
Good morrow all. Cillian.
23
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,479
You look ravishing
this morning, Meg.
24
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:50,519
Laura.
25
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:54,199
All right. May I trouble you
for a source of hydration, Meg?
26
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,039
Er, that's actually Mark's.
Is he here?
27
00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,439
No, he's back tomorrow.
So can you strip the bed, please?
28
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,919
You might want to boil the sheets,
they're, er,
29
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,519
pretty much rock hard now.
30
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,519
I do love being in this kitchen
around you beautiful,
31
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,679
loving women, it makes me feel
ever so tranquil.
32
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,519
So where's your friend, then, Meg?
33
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,359
She's still in bed.
Oh, what friend?
34
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,679
She picked her up
last night at the wedding.
35
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,919
Oh, Meg. You lesbian sauce pot.
36
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,239
Not like that.
There's nothing gay about me
37
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,839
sleeping in a bed with
another woman.
38
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,399
Oh, grow up.
39
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,239
Look, Ellie's just my mate,
OK? Deal with it.
40
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,199
Hi. Hiya!
41
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,599
Hi, I'm Ellie.
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00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,959
Hi. All right? Hi.
43
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,039
Oh, thanks. I feel awful.
44
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,199
Me, too, my head is pounding.
45
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:45,200
Hangover! Aw. Totally worth it,
though. You were a riot!
46
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,239
Do you remember drawing the cock
and balls in the guest book?
47
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,039
Oh, my God, yeah, I do!
48
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,879
Luckily, I managed to turn it
into a cat before anyone noticed.
49
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,399
I told the father of the bride that
it was a Chinese good luck symbol!
50
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,199
Never give me rum again.
51
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,200
Good times. All right,
I'm going to go get in the shower.
52
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,519
What? Well, that.
53
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,599
Mate. What?
54
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,239
Are you sure you didn't...
55
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,799
Oh, come on. I know it's been
a while, but I'm not a lesbian.
56
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,599
OK, but she is. 100%.
57
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,319
How can you tell someone's sexuality
by a two-second encounter?
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00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,999
Meg, I have an excellent gaydar
and yours is famously appalling.
59
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:33,000
No. Is she?
She doesn't look like one.
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00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,399
What do you want her to do,
come swaggering in
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00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,919
in dungarees and Doc Martens,
riding a motorbike?
62
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,279
She's gay.
63
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,959
Gay. Gay.
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00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,399
Oh, shit. Really? Ha!
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00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,959
Oh, so what,
there's a lesbian in the house.
66
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,839
So I've made a new friend and she
just happens to be a homosexual.
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00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,319
Big deal. I'm not going
to be homophobic about it.
68
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,079
So, just to clarify,
you're totally cool about this?
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00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,119
Of course I am.
70
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,439
So you're still going to invite
her tonight, then? As your date?
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00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,719
Of course I am.
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00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:04,720
You're on the boob, you twat.
73
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,800
No, I met HER at the wedding
last night and she stayed over.
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00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,319
Yeah, the girl
I was doing karaoke with.
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00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:17,320
This is exactly why I'm ringing, cos
I'm trying to avoid any homophobi...
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00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,960
I am bringing a lesbian girl
to my brother's 21st as my plus one,
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is what I'm saying, Mum.
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00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,279
Just a heads up.
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00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:32,079
I hope you don't have a problem
with that, because I don't.
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00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,519
Yeah, bye.
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00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,359
That was Meg on the phone.
82
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,239
Yeah, is everything OK?
83
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,199
I think she just came out.
84
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:45,200
Oh, that's 50 quid you owe me, then.
85
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,639
If you're going to eat
her face for breakfast,
86
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,359
would you mind getting it
to take away?
87
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,679
Hey, Laura, don't be like that.
Come and join in.
88
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,319
Let's just be ourselves.
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00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,719
Cilli! What?
90
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,839
Laura knows we share a rude
disregard for the social conventions
91
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:03,840
of dating. Monogamy being, as it is,
a capitalist construct in direct
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00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:07,479
conflict with the innate condition
of the oneness of the universe.
93
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,679
You mean you both want to fuck
other people?
94
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,079
I can't help it
if I'm addicted to puss-puss.
95
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,879
Yeah, well I can smell
your cock rot from here, mate.
96
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,399
It's put me off my breakfast.
97
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,559
Give it a wash.
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00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,999
Come on, trouble, back to bed.
99
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,000
Yes, Mummy.
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00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:27,560
No-one needs this, do they?
101
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,799
Oh, God.
Right, that's it. We're out of here.
102
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,239
Do you know he's got a booty call
book called his chicktionary.
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00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,159
How romantic! I hate him. Me too.
104
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,199
Shall we tell Bunny? No.
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00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,999
At least
she's getting some good sex.
106
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,719
I can't even bring myself
to look at Gary at the moment.
107
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,599
Oh, no, is it all off again?
Practically.
108
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,239
I mean, I can manage doggy,
cos I don't have to look at him
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00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,639
but he knows that means
I'm pissed off.
110
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,559
Yeah. That's kind of
a mixed message, Laura.
111
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,159
This has been going on
quite a while.
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Do you not think maybe you'd be
better off with someone else?
113
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,639
Yeah, Gary wouldn't have it, though.
114
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,479
No, I meant, break up with him.
115
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,119
Maybe, but your brother's
invited him tonight
116
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,439
so I guess that means
we'll be playing happy families.
117
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,959
Right. Well, I think
we should go and rescue Ellie
118
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,759
before that hound ropes her
into some kind of sex game.
119
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,639
I don't think he's her type.
120
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,759
I can't believe he's anybody's type.
121
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Come on.
122
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Hi!
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00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,839
You look nice.
124
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,199
Excuse me, where are you going?
125
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,679
Er, the restaurant.
Sorry, but you can't go in there.
126
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,159
Oh right, I get it. You have
a problem with her, do you?
127
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,119
Meg, don't.
128
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,279
No, I'm sorry.
This really gets on my tits.
129
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,559
It's the 21st century, mate. Meg.
130
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:02,279
What people get up to in the privacy
of their own bedrooms, or any other
131
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,999
rooms - probably not public spaces,
that's a grey area, but...
132
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,999
You've lost me. I thought she was
a, you know, delivery woman.
133
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,159
Is that a euphemism?
134
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:13,160
For what?
135
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,959
Nothing.
136
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,199
we just want
to go up to the party, please.
137
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,640
That's absolutely fine.
138
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:39,200
So, Gary, you know Laura... Hey.
..Bunny... Hey.
139
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:43,079
..Cillian, absolutely riddled,
and that's my brother, James.
140
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,799
Which one are you, John or Edward?
141
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,639
Happy birthday, mate. Thanks.
142
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:48,839
And my mum and dad.
143
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,999
Really nice to meet you.
144
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,839
Babe, there's nothing on here
I can eat. It's like carbs.com
145
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,079
And that's Sara.
Is someone sitting here?
146
00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,319
Here?
Oh, this chair's for my bag. Sorry.
147
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,999
It was a present from James,
and, no, it's not fake.
148
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:07,000
Oh, good,
because nobody likes a fake.
149
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,239
Where's Mark?
150
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,799
We're not together any more.
151
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,159
This is Ellie.
We met last night at a wedding.
152
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:17,160
She ended up staying over.
153
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,400
Did anyone see the Bake Off?
I really love that programme,
154
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,719
especially Sue Perkins,
I really like her.
155
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:32,720
Everything about her
is absolutely fine with me.
156
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:35,199
Exactly, Mum.
157
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,279
I've never seen it.
158
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,280
Oh, my God, that's City!
That's Bradford City, get in!
159
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,800
No way! It is!
Oh, my God, amazeballs!
160
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,999
Oh, Gary, sit down, you knob.
All right, lads!
161
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,839
Gary! City!
162
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:52,999
You prize arsehole.
163
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,159
Claret and Amber! Wa-hey!
164
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:59,160
Sit the fuck down, Gary!
165
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,919
Look what you've done.
166
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,920
Happy? Sorry. Yeah.
167
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,439
Do you know, I remember when people
actually used to say grace.
168
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,039
Well, bottoms up, everybody!
169
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,719
Many happy returns of the day, James,
you despicable young whippersnapper.
170
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,039
Yeah. Up yours!
171
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:27,239
Up yours!
172
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,240
21 years ago today,
I was in absolute agony!
173
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,599
Mum, we're trying to eat.
174
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,679
We were just over the moon
it was a boy.
175
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,959
We were struggling
to conceive, weren't we?
176
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:43,439
For a while there,
we seriously considered adoption,
177
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,440
which is a perfectly legitimate
option for lots of people.
178
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,679
Shall I order some more wine?
179
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,319
'Scuse me.
Can we have some more wine?
180
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:57,279
And send a bottle of whatever
City are having to their table.
181
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,479
I can't believe City are over there.
182
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,840
Gary, get over it, you bell-end.
183
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,359
I'm just off for a slash.
184
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,039
Gary, you don't say that.
185
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:15,040
Sorry, will you all excuse me
while I urinate?
186
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,039
Is he waving at us?
187
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:24,040
Yeah, I think so.
188
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,319
He's coming over.
189
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,679
Hiya. How's you, gorgeous?
190
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:33,439
What me? Fine. You look nice.
191
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,799
Thanks, it was just in the sale.
192
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:36,879
New hair?
193
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:40,880
Yeah! Well, new to me.
But it's real human hair, like.
194
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,719
Listen, I didn't get a chance
to say "Hi", but I saw you
195
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,519
when we were out last week.
196
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:49,439
I've got to say,
I love the way you dance.
197
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,440
Thanks. I love the way you kick.
198
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,280
All the lads were saying
you were the fittest one in there.
199
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,559
Well, you'd better go,
my boyfriend's coming over.
200
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:05,560
Boyfriend? Oh, that's a shame.
201
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,600
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
202
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,559
The toilets are mint!
203
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,599
No-one wants to hear it, Gary.
204
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:19,600
Excuse me. Sorry, but I think
there's been a bit of a mistake
205
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,119
with the wine here.
206
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:25,120
We didn't order
a ?300 bottle of Cristal champagne.
207
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:26,919
I'm just off for a ciggie.
208
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,920
No. Your friend ordered it for
the gentlemen at the next table.
209
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,535
Gary, you fucktard!
210
00:11:39,207 --> 00:11:42,846
Hey... We're off to the Hurly Burly,
will we see you in there?
211
00:11:42,847 --> 00:11:45,126
Hurly Burly? The burlesque place?
212
00:11:45,127 --> 00:11:47,886
Yeah. So will our favourite dancer
be working tonight?
213
00:11:47,887 --> 00:11:49,966
I don't know, who's your favourite?
214
00:11:49,967 --> 00:11:51,806
You.
215
00:11:51,807 --> 00:11:55,807
Oh, God, I think you might've...
216
00:11:56,767 --> 00:11:58,166
Yeah.
217
00:11:58,167 --> 00:11:59,966
Yeah, I'll be dancing later.
218
00:11:59,967 --> 00:12:01,486
See you in there.
219
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:04,246
Look, love,
it's none of our business,
220
00:12:04,247 --> 00:12:08,247
we don't mind what you do,
we'll support you.
221
00:12:08,807 --> 00:12:10,606
We just think you're very brave.
222
00:12:10,607 --> 00:12:12,206
It's only handing out flyers.
223
00:12:12,207 --> 00:12:15,566
To be honest, we always had
a hunch, didn't we? Yeah.
224
00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:17,766
It's really nice meeting you, Ellie.
225
00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:19,007
Yeah, you, too!
226
00:12:21,527 --> 00:12:23,086
Oh... Oh. no.
227
00:12:23,087 --> 00:12:25,006
Bunny, a quick word?
228
00:12:25,007 --> 00:12:27,326
Mum just said she supported me.
229
00:12:27,327 --> 00:12:29,006
OK, and that's a bad thing?
230
00:12:29,007 --> 00:12:31,166
She thinks I'm brave.
231
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,766
She thinks I just came out!
232
00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:35,126
Well, I can't believe
that comes as any surprise, Meg.
233
00:12:35,127 --> 00:12:37,806
The whole table thinks you're
a lesbian, particularly Ellie.
234
00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:40,246
No, I was just being her mate,
so I don't look homophobic!
235
00:12:40,247 --> 00:12:41,846
I'm not a fucking lezza!
236
00:12:41,847 --> 00:12:43,446
Right, where are we off, then?
237
00:12:43,447 --> 00:12:46,806
I've had a brilliant idea.
How about we go to Hurly Burly's?
238
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,126
Isn't that a strip club?
239
00:12:48,127 --> 00:12:50,046
No, Meg, it's a burlesque bar.
240
00:12:50,047 --> 00:12:52,086
Yes!
OK, stripping in old clothes, then.
241
00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:54,846
It always takes ages
for their tits to come out, though.
242
00:12:54,847 --> 00:12:56,166
Well, don't come, then, Gary.
243
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:58,006
It's James's birthday,
so he'll decide.
244
00:12:58,007 --> 00:12:59,166
In, Obviously.
245
00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:00,446
In.
246
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,126
In... and out, hopefully.
247
00:13:02,127 --> 00:13:05,726
I love burlesque,
it's so empowering.
248
00:13:05,727 --> 00:13:09,446
That's one word for it.
249
00:13:09,447 --> 00:13:13,206
No, sorry, I'm not comfortable with
going to a burlesque bar with her.
250
00:13:13,207 --> 00:13:14,566
This is all wrong!
251
00:13:14,567 --> 00:13:18,086
Brilliant. Meg's on an accidental
lesbi-date. Ha-ha!
252
00:13:18,087 --> 00:13:22,087
Oh, thank you, very supportive!
253
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:33,846
Do you want these on t'same hanger?
254
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:37,847
No! Thank you.
255
00:13:42,247 --> 00:13:45,566
So what's the difference
between burlesque and stripping?
256
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:46,926
Two stone, usually.
257
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:50,927
It's more theatrical and flamboyant,
and it's all about the tease.
258
00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:57,086
Right.
259
00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:59,566
I just love how the women
are totally in charge.
260
00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:01,406
It's so empowering.
261
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:04,886
Is that empowering?
Someone just threw money at her tits.
262
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:08,646
They're not supposed to do that.
263
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,406
God, that's Cilli!
264
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:15,407
It certainly is.
265
00:14:16,727 --> 00:14:19,726
Is it just me, or does that one
look like your friend Laura?
266
00:14:19,727 --> 00:14:23,727
Oh, yeah, that's uncanny!
267
00:14:24,647 --> 00:14:28,647
Hot.
268
00:14:31,647 --> 00:14:33,286
Oi!
269
00:14:33,287 --> 00:14:34,846
That was quick.
270
00:14:34,847 --> 00:14:37,686
I just watched you dance.
You were brilliant.
271
00:14:37,687 --> 00:14:39,086
Stunning.
272
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,526
Thanks.
273
00:14:40,527 --> 00:14:44,206
So I'll give you
a private dance if you want.
274
00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:45,926
I had no idea
it was that type of place.
275
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,086
Er... Yeah!
276
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:50,046
VIPs only.
277
00:14:50,047 --> 00:14:54,047
Just over here.
278
00:14:59,927 --> 00:15:03,166
Bravo! You are delicious!
279
00:15:03,167 --> 00:15:07,167
Call me later. I must feast on that
divine, undulating temptress's body.
280
00:15:09,407 --> 00:15:13,407
Whoo! Wow!
281
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:17,606
Oh, this is so...
282
00:15:17,607 --> 00:15:19,606
..empowering.
283
00:15:19,607 --> 00:15:23,607
Rrrr!
284
00:15:27,807 --> 00:15:30,206
So... how long have you
been a footballer, then?
285
00:15:30,207 --> 00:15:33,326
All my life, really.
I've been doing it since I was a kid.
286
00:15:33,327 --> 00:15:37,327
What about you? Yeah, same.
287
00:15:38,287 --> 00:15:42,287
Shall we, uh... crack on, then? Yeah.
288
00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:58,806
Don't you usually put some music on?
289
00:15:58,807 --> 00:16:02,207
Er... Yeah!
290
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:23,326
My brother is so getting dumped.
291
00:16:23,327 --> 00:16:25,446
She's gorgeous, though, isn't she?
292
00:16:25,447 --> 00:16:28,326
Right, can I just say
something here, Ellie?
293
00:16:28,327 --> 00:16:29,846
OK.
294
00:16:29,847 --> 00:16:31,086
You seem quite nervous.
295
00:16:31,087 --> 00:16:33,286
No, no, I'm not.
296
00:16:33,287 --> 00:16:34,966
No...
297
00:16:34,967 --> 00:16:38,967
So the thing is, right,
I just want to apologise,
298
00:16:39,327 --> 00:16:41,726
because... I think
I've been leading you on.
299
00:16:41,727 --> 00:16:44,966
I just...
I don't really know how to say this,
300
00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:48,967
but I need to make sure that
you know that I don't fancy you.
301
00:16:49,607 --> 00:16:51,406
You don't fancy me?
302
00:16:51,407 --> 00:16:53,126
No.
303
00:16:53,127 --> 00:16:57,127
OK. That's absolutely fine,
because I don't fancy you, either.
304
00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:01,206
Oh...
305
00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:02,246
Shit.
306
00:17:02,247 --> 00:17:04,006
Oh, God! It's...
307
00:17:04,007 --> 00:17:06,046
Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.
308
00:17:06,047 --> 00:17:09,046
Sorry, I thought you were... gay.
309
00:17:09,047 --> 00:17:11,806
Yeah, I am gay.
I just don't fancy you.
310
00:17:11,807 --> 00:17:14,446
Oh, right.
Oh, what, because I'm straight?
311
00:17:14,447 --> 00:17:16,766
No, it... What? You're not gay?
312
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,966
No, I'm just normal.
313
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:20,446
No, I'm all about the dong.
314
00:17:20,447 --> 00:17:24,446
What? So you thought I was a lesbian,
but you don't fancy me?
315
00:17:24,447 --> 00:17:27,326
Well, no offence,
but you're not really my type.
316
00:17:27,327 --> 00:17:31,327
You're fun, but you can be a bit,
sort of, self-righteous and uptight,
317
00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:34,246
and I'm just really not into
flat-chested girls.
318
00:17:34,247 --> 00:17:36,086
And that thing
that you do with your face...
319
00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:39,886
OK, yeah, got it!
320
00:17:39,887 --> 00:17:42,566
Well, we could... just be friends.
321
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:45,006
Yeah, that was the original plan.
322
00:17:45,007 --> 00:17:46,566
Hey, listen,
can I tell you a secret?
323
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:48,286
Yes, mate.
324
00:17:48,287 --> 00:17:52,287
I have a massive crush
on your cousin Bunny.
325
00:17:53,047 --> 00:17:54,286
Cool.
326
00:17:54,287 --> 00:17:56,526
Still OK if I stay over?
327
00:17:56,527 --> 00:17:59,567
Mmm.
328
00:18:07,007 --> 00:18:09,006
Shit, soz.
329
00:18:09,007 --> 00:18:13,007
I'll be back in a minute.
330
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,246
Right, Gary,
I've got something to tell you.
331
00:18:16,247 --> 00:18:19,206
You know how we've both
got one celebrity we can knob?
332
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:21,566
Course!
Holly Willoughby is in trouble now.
333
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,726
Well, I want
to swap off Mark Wright.
334
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:25,446
Who are you swapping in?
335
00:18:25,447 --> 00:18:27,846
I don't know his name,
but he plays for Bradford City.
336
00:18:27,847 --> 00:18:31,847
Rick Henderson? Yeah, that one.
337
00:18:38,727 --> 00:18:39,966
Good news!
338
00:18:39,967 --> 00:18:43,967
She doesn't fancy me because
I am uptight and flat-chested.
339
00:18:44,807 --> 00:18:48,206
Win!
So we're just going to be friends.
340
00:18:48,207 --> 00:18:49,566
Good-oh.
341
00:18:49,567 --> 00:18:52,326
Yep, I am off the hook,
342
00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:55,886
because she fancies... you.
343
00:18:55,887 --> 00:18:58,966
Who, me? She fancies me?
344
00:18:58,967 --> 00:19:00,806
Gosh, well...
Well, that's wonderful!
345
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,006
I mean, well, how exciting!
346
00:19:03,007 --> 00:19:05,006
Where is she?
347
00:19:05,007 --> 00:19:07,726
What are you doing?
Oh, don't be so uptight, Meg.
348
00:19:07,727 --> 00:19:09,086
I'm going to talk to Ellie.
349
00:19:09,087 --> 00:19:13,087
Er, no, she's my lesbian!
I found her first!
350
00:19:16,327 --> 00:19:18,086
I know it's early,
but we're leaving.
351
00:19:18,087 --> 00:19:20,566
I'm taking Sara home,
she's had way too much to drink.
352
00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:21,606
She's a bit upset.
353
00:19:21,607 --> 00:19:24,326
Because you've stopped her
getting off with a footballer?
354
00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:26,846
She's just drunk.
355
00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:30,847
And being sick into a ?600 handbag.
356
00:19:44,847 --> 00:19:47,446
Bunny, what are you doing?
357
00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:50,646
Er... Grinding?
358
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:54,647
Well, I'm being ground!
359
00:20:08,687 --> 00:20:12,526
Meg, I thought we talked about this,
I don't fancy you, sorry.
360
00:20:12,527 --> 00:20:16,446
Yes, and I'm not a lesbian.
361
00:20:16,447 --> 00:20:20,447
These are totally platonic
slut drops.
362
00:20:33,447 --> 00:20:34,726
OK, this looks bad.
363
00:20:34,727 --> 00:20:37,046
I've bought you wine.
364
00:20:37,047 --> 00:20:41,047
You prick!
365
00:20:44,407 --> 00:20:48,407
Get off me!
366
00:20:50,367 --> 00:20:52,686
You've got five seconds
to get your fucking clothes on
367
00:20:52,687 --> 00:20:56,687
and get out of this place
before I call the police.
368
00:20:56,767 --> 00:21:00,767
I'm well fitter!
369
00:21:03,527 --> 00:21:07,126
Did you see my Gary?
He decked that City knob, bam!
370
00:21:07,127 --> 00:21:09,486
That City knob
you were getting off with.
371
00:21:09,487 --> 00:21:12,166
How fit did Gary look when
the bouncer had him in a chokehold?
372
00:21:12,167 --> 00:21:14,326
Fit in a sort of
squealing, dribbling way.
373
00:21:14,327 --> 00:21:16,966
What the fuck was going on in there?
374
00:21:16,967 --> 00:21:20,967
Gary... shut up and tongue me,
you sexy bastard.
375
00:21:27,647 --> 00:21:31,647
Uh, Meg, have you seen Bunny?
376
00:21:32,047 --> 00:21:33,926
Oh, she's over there,
377
00:21:33,927 --> 00:21:37,406
showing her disregard
for the social conventions of dating.
378
00:21:37,407 --> 00:21:38,806
Hot!
379
00:21:38,807 --> 00:21:42,807
I am so up for this.
380
00:21:54,047 --> 00:21:56,086
Hey, Meg, what say we...
381
00:21:56,087 --> 00:22:00,087
Eat shit.
382
00:22:01,287 --> 00:22:03,646
He's fast, a footballer!
383
00:22:03,647 --> 00:22:07,166
Laura!
384
00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:08,926
Fuck! Shit!
385
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:12,927
Oh, Gary!
386
00:22:13,967 --> 00:22:16,206
I love friend-night stands.
387
00:22:16,207 --> 00:22:18,486
Mmm, a bit more than a friend.
388
00:22:18,487 --> 00:22:21,086
Guys, I'm still completely straight.
389
00:22:21,087 --> 00:22:22,406
We saw you snogging her, mate.
390
00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:25,366
Friends kiss, so what?
I do it all the time.
391
00:22:25,367 --> 00:22:28,406
Since when? Since boarding school.
392
00:22:28,407 --> 00:22:31,406
Nothing happened,
it was just rubbies.
393
00:22:31,407 --> 00:22:35,286
What's rubbies? Oh, actually,
I don't even want to know.
394
00:22:35,287 --> 00:22:37,926
It's no big deal
and, like I said to her,
395
00:22:37,927 --> 00:22:39,886
I'm more into the taking
than the giving.
396
00:22:39,887 --> 00:22:42,567
Oh, like Christmas.
397
00:22:44,387 --> 00:23:12,383
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