Original subtitles

Happy birthday, buddy. Smile! Say "Happy birthday!"

[Camera clicks] Good job. Good job.

Okay, let me get you...

So, I'm turning 7, and for a lot of people,

I think 7 is this really big year,

where they kind of look back at their life and say, like,

"Is this who I thought I would be by the time I was 7?"

But not me.

I got you... [Squeak]

Oh, yeah!

That's good.

But I don't really get hung up on numbers,

because instead, like, every year,

I set a really specific goal for myself.

Oh, sure. Just ignore my texts, Jason.

That's real mature.

- [Grinding] - [Speaking indistinctly]

I mean, like, I get that you're mad, but, like,

let's not isolate each other, you know?

One year, I decided to make this, like, elaborate nest

out of all of Nan's favorite, most comfortable clothes,

which was, like, a really great moment for both of us.

Plus, plus, I'm not the one

who almost let the dog die, right?

He's just being ridiculous.

How many times do you have to apologize to a person?

And someday, like, yeah,

someday I might confront my fear of the, you know,

actual pit of despair that lies under my house.

But this year, for my birthday, I have one plan...

I'm gonna take the best nap of my entire life.

There's this certain way

that the fall light, like, strikes the hardwood,

where it's warm on my back, but, like,

my cheek still rests on the cool of the floor.

And I think if I just set my feet against the couch

in just the right way and have, like, just the right dream,

my kicks will slowly push me along, like,

with the sun's movement.

And I can just sleep and sleep and sleep.

Hey, what's up?

Oh, my God. Jenn, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, you... Absolutely, you can crash here.

Uh-huh.

No, Martin loves puppies.

I feel like literally nothing can go wrong.

- Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for - -- www.Addic7ed.com --

Jenn: Thanks for the ride.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, I'm... I'm sorry about your fight with Dan.

I feel your pain.

You know, if there's... if there's anything else I can do,

like, teach you how to drive yourself places...

- [Laughs] - Yeah, but then we'd miss out

on all these fun times together, wouldn't we?

Oh, yeah.

Look, you sure you don't want to just pop in, chat to Nan?

Then we can just... be done with all this weirdness.

[Puppy whining]

Nope. Not really.

- Hey. - Hi.

Thanks for letting me stay here.

I am so sorry, Jenn.

But look at this puppy! Look at this puppy!

I know it's a controversial puppy and everything,

but look at his face!

- What's his name? - It doesn't have a name

because it's going back on Monday.

Why do you have it with you, then?

Well, I'm not gonna let Dan have a cute puppy as a prize

for being a complete ass, am I?

That's a good point.

You got everything, Jenn?

Uh, yeah, I think so.

Thank you, Jason.

Hey, Jason.

Bye, Jenn.

I guess he's still pretty mad at me, huh?

Yeah. That's putting it mildly.

Well, at least we're not both going through major drama

at the same time.

[Laughs]

The thing is, I don't, like, ask a lot from Nan on my birthday.

[Indistinct conversation]

- You get it? - This? Yeah.

So, I'm just gonna clean out the junk room,

put you in there, okay?

Oh, lovely.

Like, literally, all I wanted was a nap.

Like, what did I do to possibly deserve this thing

- coming into my home? - [Whining]

First, he buys me a puppy,

then it's suburbs, then yoga pants,

then, like, once-a-month sex

and my pelvis is being split in half

by some little brat named Forest.

That's a... dark vision.

And he just casually slips it in that his parents have offered

to give us a down payment for a house...

In Wexford.

That's, like, ground zero Stepford Wife/Pilates land.

Exactly.

I think most people hate puppies

just because they're, like, tired

of the glorification of youth culture.

Or, like, the fact

that they have their entire lives in front of them

and don't have to care for their life partners

as they cry about the same guy for six years.

Or just, like, the fact

that puppies aren't staring death in the face

every time they lay awake at night.

But that's not me... Like, not at all.

I just want my nap.

[Gasps]

"Nan... childhood"?

[Gasps] Yes, please.

Can we not?

I mean, it's probably just, like, baby videos

and tragic teen poetry.

My dad sent it, in a rare fit of pretending to be a parent.

Jenn...

[Gasps]

Oh!

Nan!

Look at all this stuff!

[Gasps]

"Nan, age 7"!

[Gasps]

Jackpot.

Nan, get in here. It's starting.

[Nan shouts playfully]

Dad: You got to wave to the camera!

Nope. Nope, nope. Nope, nope.

Today is not the day for that.

Are you... Do you want to talk about it or...?

- No. - No.

Hey, do you feel like getting out of here?

And go where?

Someplace, like, young and dumb and stupid

where we can run away from our problems,

like we did in our 20s.

No. I just want to mope all day.

No, no.

What you should do is self-medicate with alcohol.

And I have the perfect place to do that...

The Muddy Slutty.

[Gasps]

Oh, I do love that place.

The thing is, like, I'm a sensitive guy.

Like... Like... Like, I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Like, I know because I've tried many, many times and failed,

but at the same time, like, I know for a fact

I'm not gonna let that puppy ruin my nap.

Like... Like, I'm not.

I'm just not.

I'm just [bleep] not.

All right. We're good.

All right!

Okay. You think they'll be okay, yeah?

Yeah, they'll be fine. It's just a couple of hours.

- Okay, awesome. Bye! - Bye, guys! Have fun!

Play nice.

I swear to God.

[Dance music plays, indistinct conversations]

You're right... After a couple of beers,

it doesn't seem as loud as it definitely is!

Oh, yeah! This is fun!

- Yeah, I like your plan! - Yeah!

[Laughs]

Whoo! Muddy Slutty!

- [Laughs] - Whoo!

You know what's so crazy, is that, like, I was these people

when I made every decision that I'm dealing with right now.

Hey. You guys want another round?

Uh, it's more of, like, a need than a want

if you're gonna keep playing this song.

[Laughs]

We're drunk.

Oh, let me get this. I need the miles.

Oh, God. Geez.

Why do I keep saying old-people things?

We're in our 30s.

Me too. But, uh, don't let them hear.

They have, like, supersonic hearing, so...

Your secret's safe with us.

[Clicks tongue]

[Clicks tongue]

So... I took care of the puppy.

And, uh...

Yeah, like...

I guess I just want to say, like, to be fair to me,

what I wanted to do was, like, much, much, much worse.

Like... Like, I-I could have ate him.

Like, of course I would never... I would never do that.

I'm just saying, like, that... Like, that was an option.

The thing is, I gave him a chance.

Like... Like, I told him, like,

not to touch me, not to look at me,

that everything was mine and not his,

and as long as he didn't touch anything

that we would be cool.

[Toy squeaking]

But, of course, he didn't.

Like, he couldn't keep his ugly little paws to himself.

Ladies.

One lemon-drop martini

and my personal take on an old-fashioned.

Thought you could use something a little bit more... adult.

Thank God!

This is lovely. Thank you.

So, what is this... Like, moms' night out?

What?

We look like moms?

Oh, my God.

This isn't working. I feel old, old, old.

Okay, look, we need to change locations, okay?

Quick... what's something fun that doesn't require thinking?

Dancing!

No. No. Day dancing is so sad.

Okay. Um...

Oh!

Bike share!

If we're gonna run away from our problems,

couldn't we at least pick a faster mode of transportation?

No, this is fun.

It's like when we were young and poor

and we couldn't afford cars, right?

Was it fun?

God, I don't know how I let you convince me to do this.

- There's some cute boys. - Oh, okay.

Hey, guys! Hi.

- How's it going? - Hey.

Share the road!

- Aah! - You share the road.

Share the road with your face!

No. Okay, that's it. No, I'm done. I'm done.

- What?! - Oh, that's enough.

Come on. This is amazing.

You just got to, like, get into it.

It's not amazing, okay?

I came to your house so that you could pamper me

and throw wine down my throat

and listen to me moan about all my problems.

[Whimpering] Come on!

This is that.

This is just, like...

Like, a fun, like, more active version of that.

Oh, okay, 'cause it kind of feels like you...

Forget it. It's...

[Sighs deeply]

You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm not trying to be a bad friend.

It's just, like...

[Sighs]

So, that DVD is this video that my dad shot of me

the day before my mom left.

And he just, like, chucked it in the box, you know?

Like, "Hey, here's some fun childhood nostalgia."

Enjoy that."

I'm really sorry, Nan.

No, I'm... I'm the one who should be sorry.

Yeah. You are.

- [Laughs] - You are.

You should be very sorry about this whole day.

[Thunder crashes]

Got to be kidding me!

[Laughs]

Martin: And even though he... he took my toy and he ruined my nap

and he basically destroyed my entire birthday,

like, still, I was patient.

I-I-I...

Even while he was literally physically assaulting me,

like, I-I let him win.

Like, I-I let him have Lobster Jimmy.

And I-I just, like, went outside, like, to cool down.

I... And, like, I sat there counting to three,

just, like, trying to calm down

and, like, maybe, in some way, salvage my day.

I thought maybe I can take the nap back here, you know,

and, like, make the best of it.

But then...

then it started to rain.

[Thunder rumbles]

[Whimpers]

[Thunder rumbles]

[Whimpers]

[Thunder crashing]

Jenn, come on!

Oh, my God!

- [Laughing] - Oh, my God!

Okay, just leave it! Leave it, leave it, leave it!

Quickly... get in!

[Thunder crashes]

I guess I just snapped. Because you know what?

Maybe 7 isn't just, like, a number.

Like, maybe I'm not so chill about getting older, okay?

Like, that puppy... he has his youth, he has his beauty,

like, he has a whole lifetime of toys in front of him,

and this could be one of the last toys I ever get.

And I just thought, like,

if that puppy wants Lobster Jimmy, you know what?

He can go to hell.

[Thunder crashes]

[Growling]

It just so happens that, like, hell is located,

very conveniently, right under my house.

[Growling]

Go right on through, girls.

- Thanks. You're welcome. - Have fun.

...my apple tree

Slide down my rainbow

Look down my cellar door

And we'll be jolly...

It's like a Pittsburgh "Brigadoon."

[Laughs]

Hey!

I mean, he wanted that lobster so bad,

maybe... Maybe he was chasing it.

Like, maybe that's how he fell, like, because of his greed.

[Thunder crashing]

[Whimpers]

The important thing... Like, the big picture...

- [Whimpering] - is that he's down there now,

and he can't get back up,

And I can finally get that nap.

In Heaven, there is no beer

That's why we drink it here

And when you're...

This cost $5.

The entire pitcher.

Oh, thank God. I was almost getting sober.

- Hey!

- [Cheers and applause]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, no further ado.

Here she is, your favorite...

Our very own DeeJay Devine!

[Cheers and applause]

Yes!

Whoooooo!

[Mid-tempo music plays]

Se of these days

You're gonna miss me, honey

Some of these days

You're gonna be so lonely

You'll miss my huggin'

You'll miss my kisses

This woman is my new everything.

- I wonder if she's dating. - [Laughs]

When I'm far away

I feel so lonely

Let's dance.

For you only

'Cause you know, honey

You always had your way

And when you leave me

You know it's gonna grieve me

You're gonna miss your big, fat mama

Your mama

Some of these daaaaaaaays

[Cheers and applause]

One of the most important lessons

that I've learned in life

is to never, ever give up on your goals,

even if your obstacle happens to be, like, you know, like,

a tiny, fluffy, little puppy.

Like, that... and... that...

And it's really good to be flexible,

because, like, sure, like,

today's not ideal, but it's salvageable.

Like, the real key to a great nap is the circling.

Like... Like, at the beginning,

I, personally, like to circle, like, 5 1/2 times

- and then... - [Puppy whimpers]

[Thunder crashes]

The key is the 5 1/2... Maybe 6 1/4 if the moon's right.

[Barks, whimpers]

[Puppy barking, yelping]

- Hello. - Hi.

Hi. Sorry, we just...

We wanted to say "Thank you" and, um, you're amazing.

Well, you're very sweet.

Yeah, you are... honestly, you're an inspiration.

Let me tell you something, honey.

I didn't start singing until I was 79.

[Laughs]

You know why?

I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

That and my husband died.

- Oh. - Oh.

Best thing ever happened to me.

[Laughs]

[Laughing] Okay.

I'm 86 years old,

and I'm having the time of my life.

[Laughter]

[Whimpers]

Martin: You could say, "Oh, you just pushed a little puppy"

down a flight of stairs

"into the darkest place that has ever existed."

[Yelps softly]

Yeah, like, you would be technically right about that.

But, like, what you'd be forgetting

is what happened next.

[Whimpers]

That's only the first part of the story.

But the second part of the story...

Like, the important part... Is that today, I became a hero,

because I chose to confront my fear of aging

and I confronted the gathering inevitability of my own death.

I even confronted my fear of that basement,

and I saved that stupid, stupid,

incredibly cute, super-adorable, little puppy.

Like, we're riding a bike and looking like...

[Laughs]

Like, real sexy.

We were idiots.

They were not interested in the slightest.

Where are our dogs?

Puppies?

Ohh!

- [Laughs] - Aw!

Martin? You taking care of that puppy?

I remember this dream I had.

[Birds chirping]

There was, like, a giant mountain of toys.

And it was, like, all the toys that have ever existed, like,

in the history of the world were, like, piled up

and, like... like... like, stretched up to the sky.

And I was, like... I was, like, so excited and overjoyed.

And, like... And then, like, I ran to it.

But when I got there, I saw at the base of the mountain,

there was this other, separate, little, tiny pile of toys.

And I looked closer, and I saw that I recognized some of them.

They were toys that I'd had before.

And then I saw a couple others in the pile

that were, like, new toys... Like, toys I hadn't seen.

And then it just, like, struck me... "Oh, my God."

These are all the toys I will ever play with."

Like, all I will ever experience

is, like, a tiny, tiny fraction of what exists.

The thought just paralyzed me.

What do you think it says about a person

if they leave their fianc? for buying them a puppy?

Oh, I don't know.

I think it says that...

we're all just baby adults

and we have no idea what we're doing with life.

Oh, speaking of baby adults, Jason told me not to tell you,

but he just enrolled in community college.

That's really surprising.

He didn't say this, but I do feel like

it's got a lot to do with you.

Did I tell you I haven't seen my dad in three years?

No, you didn't.

Yeah.

I think...

maybe it's time for you to stop running away

from that grown-up conversation with Dan.

And I think maybe it's time for me to stop running away

from this stupid DVD.

I'm 31 years old.

[Chuckles]

It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself.

But now, after the basement,

I kind of think about things differently.

Because, sure, in some ways,

my experiences must not matter, like... like, that much.

I've only got a handful of toys

and, like... like, yeah, like, only a handful of years.

Dad: How about Nellie?

Ellen, say hi to the camera. Come on. Give us a smile.

Can you not do that now?

Look, we don't have to watch this if you don't want to.

[Voice breaking] No, it's okay.

But the thing is, like, I have this year.

[Sighs]

Today, I'm turning 7, and...

That's for you and Mommy!

...that might not mean a lot to some people,

and maybe I don't have all that many years left,

but, like, that's fine.

Because today... Like, today is worth it.

Like, I'm here right now, and I have all this in front of me.

And, I mean...

today I had the best nap of my whole, entire life.

Hey, Dad. It's me.

Like, I-I'm not an expert on dreams or anything,

but sometimes, it feels like

my subconscious isn't even, like, trying.

Pepper: You're gonna die

And everything will be the same

You're gonna die

And no one will know your name

Sure, Nan will cry

But then she's gonna get a new...

- [Thunder crashes] - ...dog

- Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for - -- www.Addic7ed.com --

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0