Original subtitles

You really want him in the white house for the next four years?

The man doesn't have a clue.

Who are you guys talking about?

Does it really matter?

Fine. Go ahead. Make jokes.

So what if the future of our country is at stake?

Ooh. Ooh.

It's his first election.

He's taking it very seriously.

All right, here's what we've got...

44-year-old white male. Construction accident.

Abdominal tap was positive.

If the ct shows splenic lacerations,

it'll probably have to come out.

Dr. howser, you'll be assisting.

We have a winner.

Get ready!

It's time to play...

And here's your host, monty blades!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you,

and welcome once again

to the a.M.A.'S number-one game show,

where highly trained professionals

perform delicate medical procedures

for valuable prizes.

Now here is your favorite scrub nurse,

Christy St. Clair!

Thank you, monty.

Our first patient hails from studio city.

He's a building contractor who's been injured

in a construction accident.

He enjoys backgammon and parasailing.

Meet Pete neirman.

Great to have you here, Pete.

How are you feeling?

I just had a crane fall on me,

but I'm really excited to be here.

Terrific. Let's bring out our surgeon.

He's a 19-year-old child prodigy from brentwood, California,

who really knows his way to a girl's heart...

Through the chest cavity.

Let's welcome Dr. doogie howser.

Come on out here, doogie.

Thanks, monty.

Doogie, I understand you have family

here with you today.

That's correct, monty.

My lovely mother Katherine and my father David.

O.K., let's pick a procedure.

O.K. Thank you, Christy.

Let's keep those fingers crossed for a good one.

Oh, a splenectomy!

That's a spleen removal,

for those of you playing at home.

Dr. howser, are you ready?

Are you kidding? I was born ready.

After all, I am a genius.

How's that for confidence, folks?

O.K.

Let's...

Operate!

Clamp.

Let's see where the bleeding's coming from.

Then we'll run the bowel.

Better pump that transfusion.

Give me a large deaver retractor.

Deaver.

Dr. howser, bovie that bleeder.

Bovie.

Blood's welling up in the abdomen.

Get that tonsil sucker in there deep. Deep.

Watch that blade, Dr. howser.

Damn it, you burnt a hole in the bowel.

Oh, man, I'm...

I'm sorry.

Move your hand. I have to repair that.

Suture.

Come on, howser, it's a simple question.

Why do you care who I'm voting for?

Open your eyes.

We're voting for the president of the United States.

We go different ways, we cancel each other out.

It's our patriotic duty to vote for the same guy.

Who are you voting for?

I asked you first.

What are we, in kindergarten?

All right.

I'm not embarrassed to admit it.

I'm afraid to vote.

I mean, what if I make a mistake?

The president's got his finger on the button,

he's had a bad day,

ka-ploowhh!

Howser, howser,

now you got to tell me who you're voting for.

That way we definitely go different ways.

So if something does happen,

it's not our fault.

Vin, just do a little research

and make up your own mind.

Doog, you're right.

You are right.

The whole process is just so complicated.

They ought to do what pro wrestling does.

Cage match. Two men enter. One man leaves.

Ba-da-bing, you got your president.

Ooh.

What?

Dark tie, solid shoes?

What, are you going to a funeral?

I have an m-and-m conference this morning.

M-and-m?

Do you debate the merits of plain versus peanut?

No. It stands for morbidity and mortality.

Nyaah. That don't sound good.

Each week, surgeons discuss their cases...

Problems, complications, deaths.

Well, the other day,

I burned a hole in this guy's bowel.

Ugh. That would ruin lunch.

He'll be o.K. It's no big deal. It happens.

Aren't we cavalier with another man's bowels?

The patient's abdominal tap was positive.

His ct showed a splenic laceration,

and I assisted Dr. angelis

in performing an emergency splenectomy.

During the procedure,

I burned a hole in the small bowel.

Dr. angelis repaired it.

The patient's course has been uneventful

in the last 48 hours,

except he spiked a temperature this morning.

And this signifies what, Dr. howser?

There's a possibility of an intra-abdominal abscess.

Correct.

One that could significantly lengthen his recovery time.

Am I right?

Yes.

Dr. howser,

can you please describe in detail

how this accident occurred?

Well, the patient was experiencing extreme blood loss.

His transfusion was being pumped,

and Dr. angelis asked me to bovie a bleeder.

While I was cauterizing,

the blade burned a small hole in the bowel.

Now help me to understand this, Dr. howser.

If you were so focused on the bleeder,

how did you perforate the bowel?

Uh, well, i... i guess

the proximal end must have made contact.

You guess.

Weren't you aware that the proximal end of the blade

also carries a current?

Yes, sir.

Then how could it happen, Dr. howser?

I don't know.

You don't know.

I see.

Well, this is very helpful.

Now, when the patient comes to me

and asks how he got a hole in his bowel,

I can tell him our 19-year-old doctor said,

"I don't know."

Dr. howser,

there's a big difference

between knowing how to do something...

And being able to do it.

Pretty rough in there, huh?

Comes with the territory.

I'm free for lunch if you want to talk.

No, dad. I'm fine.

Really. Thanks for coming, but I got to...

O.K.

Dr. howser.

Thank you.

I want you to be ready.

Next trauma patient through the door,

the surgery's yours.

I'll assist you.

Great.

Looks like trouble, Dr. howser.

Start volume expanders

and call the blood bank for two units.

Cardiac arrest.

Cardiac arrest.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Flat line.

Come on. Come on.

Flat line.

Flat line.

Aw...

Tough break, doogie.

I can't...

Time and your patient have expired.

I can't believe this.

Christy, tell Pete what he'll be taking with him.

The home version

of so you wanna be a trauma surgeon?

Operate on your friends

and never leave the house.

Monty.

Thanks, Christy.

You're a good sport, Pete.

Have fun.

So long.

It's my first time in charge.

How could this happen?

Not everybody can be a surgeon, doc.

Now it's time to face the wheel of consequences.

Go on over there

and give her a spin.

No, wait. This isn't fair.

This isn't fair.

I'm only 19. I shouldn't have done this alone.

Judges, can we get a ruling here?

Oh, I guess they're not buying your lame excuse.

It's my first time in charge.

I shouldn't have to spin!

Hey, hey.

Where does it say "Dr. doom touches host"?

Audience, tell him what every surgeon has to be.

Perfect! Perfect!

I don't want to spin.

Please, i... no! No!

Ple... no!

No! Please!

Ple... no!

No!

Good morning.

Oh. Coffee's ready.

I thought I turned the alarm on.

Got to change that code, Dr. h.

Everybody uses their birthday.

Vinnie, are you all right?

You don't look very well.

I'm not, Mrs. h.

My brain... Is throbbing here.

I don't have any idea how to vote.

How should I know what's good for the country?

I even voted for the wrong Elvis stamp.

Look at all this research I got.

I read the wall street journal,

the New York times, newsweek,

U.S. news and world report.

Well, you must have learned something.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, uh, Schwarzenegger, Sinatra, and Stallone

are going with bush.

Beatty, Streisand, and Chevy are behind Clinton.

Hugh Hefner also for Clinton.

Hugh?

Well...

Aren't we all politically aware?

I'm sure you'll figure it all out, Vinnie.

Thank you.

Uh, Vincent, all this process comes down to

is weighing each candidate's strengths and weaknesses.

Many people are going to vote for the president

because he's the incumbent,

he's got the experience.

You're right.

I'm voting for bush.

Sure. Man's only created worst recession since hoover.

All right, all right.

What about governor Clinton?

He's got a strong economic policy.

Good point.

Clinton it is.

Oh, please.

Man's idea of foreign policy

is fishing in Tennessee.

Vincent, you want my advice?

Make this decision on your own...

Without anybody's help.

Sure, it's easy for him to say.

Man's been voting since Lincoln.

Oh, what's the use?

I'm not smart enough to make this decision.

I'm not voting.

Hey, get real, delpino.

Where I come from,

kids stand in front of tanks to vote.

But you just said

you don't like either one of these guys.

You miss point.

No candidate's ever perfect.

No voter's ever perfect.

Only thing perfect is democracy.

You no vote, you lose.

Temperature's been normal for 24 hours.

He's having very little discomfort.

He never developed an abscess.

You ought to buy a lottery ticket.

Thanks for assigning the next surgery to me.

After my error, you could've had me assisting a while.

I guess you thought it was important

to get me back up on the horse.

Uh...

It's hard to believe.

19, and I'm a surgeon in charge.

Most residents are what, 29, 30, before they're ready?

You can imagine the heat I'm getting

from wiener and Murphy.

They're champing at the bit

to get their shot.

I almost feel guilty.

As a good team player,

I'd let them go ahead of me if...

Howser, if you're trying to tell me you're not ready,

just say it.

That's not what I'm saying.

Good, because I'm making surgeons here

and there's no room for doubt.

No. I know.

I'm... I'm ready. Really.

Trauma team, emergency room. Stat.

Trauma team,

emergency room. Stat.You're on.

Scalpel.

Clamp.

Clamp.

Sponge stick.

Big liver laceration. Some crush injury.

Let me debride it back, then I can close it.

How's the spleen?

Subcapsular hematoma with a small tear at the hilum.

Suture, please, number one, and I'll need teflon bolsters.

Babcock.

More lap sponges here.

Clamp.

I'm having trouble ventilating him.

Well, what do his lungs sound like?

I don't hear any breath sounds on this side.

His trachea's off-center. Pneumothorax.

Get me a chest tube set up.

He has some rib fractures

but no pneumothorax when this was taken.

Must've happened on the ventilator.

Do it.

Hand me the chest tube.

Connect it to the water seal.

That did it.

Ventilating better.

All right. New gloves, and we'll work on the spleen.

7 1/2 gloves, please.

Suction.

We need more retraction.

Oh, god. What is it?

Bottom's dropped out of his blood pressure.

Blood in the chest tube.

There must be a tear in the aorta.

Keep pushing that blood!

I can't keep up with him.

He's not responding. We're losing him.

We'll have to go in through the chest.

There's no pulse.

Flat line.

Damn!

Give me a scalpel.

We have massive blood loss.

Come on!

He's bled out, doctor.

Howser.

You did a good job in there.

What?

You did everything you could and more.

I was impressed.

He died.

A car killed him, not you.

You gave him the best chance he had.

Look...

I knew you were scared,

but I don't believe in pep talks.

The only place you'll find if you have what it takes

is in there.

Today you became a surgeon, Dr. howser.

Uh... Excuse me, but has a young man

been here to vote recently?

Yea high, slightly neurotic.

I heard that.

Vinnie, how long have you been in there?

The polls close soon.

Quit rushing me.

This is a momentous decision.

Eeny-meeny-miny...

Relax, howser.

Well, that's it. I'm out of here.

I'm so proud to be an American.

Thank you.

Ah...

Miss voting official,

would you please... yes, thanks... take our picture?

Hey, you did your best!

Congratulations. You get to come back and try again.

- I do? - Yes, you do, absolutely.

Oh, that's great! That is really terrific.

What did I tell you about touching a host?

Maybe next week he'll actually save somebody.

Christy, you squirrel,

show him what he'll be playing for next week.

This beautiful home in Santa Monica.

A long and lucrative career,

and this magnificent 1993 mustang convertible.

- Whoa! - Oh ho ho ho!

Not to mention a year's supply of turtle wax.

What about the feeling that I've accomplished something worthwhile?

- We'll throw that in, too. - O.K.

So long, everybody.

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