All language subtitles for Doogie Howser MD s03e09 Room and Broad.eng

After all those false alarms,

it's finally happened.

My old man lost his mind.

You going to eat this?

You want some breakfast?

No, thanks.
I never eat breakfast.

"Vincent," he says,
"you're 18 now,

"and I'm busting my butt putting
you through film school.

"I want you
to pay room and board.

I want you to pay
125 bucks a month."

And you don't even
eat breakfast.

Right. You got any doughnut
gems with powdered sugar?

When I was in college,

I helped in my
father's pharmacy.

It really taught me
the value of a dollar.

Dr. h, you've seen amadeus.

Remember how Mozart
was chasing broads

and boozing it up in taverns?

Well, that's how artists
are supposed to live.

We're not supposed to waste
our creative energies

on menial labor.

When Mozart was your age,

he'd written 30 symphonies,
a dozen chamber works,

and a full-scale opera.

Well, sure, 'cause he
had all that free time.

I got to go.

Hey, you don't mind, do you?

Thanks.

Sometimes I think that
boy's only purpose in life

is to make us
appreciate our son.

It's not fair to compare them.

Doogie's always been
sensible beyond his years.

Vinnie here?

He just left.

I thought I heard

the high-pitched hum
of indignation.

That's a nice belt, dear.

Yeah. Genuine ostrich.

I got it on sale. 200 bucks.

And, uh... It matches my wallet.

This was only 150.

Douglas...

Get out your checkbook
and sit down.

O.K. $100 a week.

Who do I make this out to,

Dr. and Mrs. howser,

or would you prefer cash?

So you don't have to declare
it on your income tax.

I sense a little attitude here.

You don't need the money.

Son, it's not a question
of needing money.

I'm trying to teach you

a little financial
responsibility.

For your information, I have plenty
of financial responsibility.

Is that checkbook cover
ostrich skin, too?

So what?

One little luxury.
I deserve that.

Like lambskin
seat covers on your car

or a stereo system
that looked like

it was designed by NASA?

Or a half-dozen pair

of high-top,
turbo-driven gym shoes

that have never seen
a basketball court?

On second thought,

let's make it 150 a week.

Mom.

Your father had to pay his way.

What about you?

I was a girl.

I know it's wrong,

but boys were taught
independence

and girls dependence.

It was an incredibly archaic,

unenlightened double standard.

I milked it
for all it was worth.

You want us to treat
you like an adult.

A grownup shoulders his
share of the load.

Obviously my biggest mistake

was being born
with a "y" chromosome.

Your big mistake was falling
in love with ostrich skin.

Come on, finish
your breakfast, dear.

Yes, it's paid for.

No refund for leftovers.

Hang in there, al.
Almost finished.

It came out of nowhere.

One minute I'm their
beloved son,

and the next minute they're
charging me to take a shower.

Is it me or is my father being
totally unreasonable about this?

No, unreasonable is my father.

He's visiting me from Oregon.

Wanders around my apartment

asking me how much
I paid for everything.

You'd think I was the biggest
spendthrift on the planet.

The woes of the middle class.

I've been paying my mom
100 bucks a week

ever since I started working.

Now she's asking me when
I'm gonna get a raise.

Oh, sorry,

I'm gonna have to give you
another small stick.

Can I have a little more
one percent please?

I'll get it.

Here's the minor surgery tray
you asked for, Dr. howser.

Thanks, Liz. Can you throw
on some rubber gloves?

I may need your help.

Actually, I'm supposed
to be back in class.

No training like experience.

Little construction accident.

The leg became a little too
acquainted with a power saw.

You'd better look away, al.

Can you hold back
this flap of skin

while I inspect
for muscle damage?

She's in training.

Lots of potential,
don't you think?

Watch your back, people.

I'm so embarrassed.

Did you eat anything
this morning?

It's not that.

I have this thing about blood.

I don't want to be
near it, think about it.

You're in the right profession.

It's not funny, doogie.

I've fainted three times
in the last month.

I'm attending my first
autopsy tomorrow.

I know what
you're going through.

You can overcome this.
What time are you off?

Not till 11:00.

Come by my house.

I'll show you techniques
that helped me.

I might be beyond help.

An autopsy's not that bad.

The guy's dead. You don't have
to worry about his welfare.

Once you adjust to the smell...

Shall we say elevenish?

Doogie, it's my father!

He called 20 minutes ago.

Said he felt dizzy
and short of breath.

Blood pressure's 130 over 90.

Are you having
trouble breathing?

Try not to talk. Cathy,
get the EKG technician.

Has he had any history
of heart problems,

any episodes like this?

I don't know.

He'll be all right, won't he?

Pulse is down to 45.

What do you need, atropine?

I got it.

Um... Ray, can you...

Got it. Come on, curly.
Doogie's on it.

I'm not going anywhere.

Doogie!

I'm the doctor.
I'm ordering you to leave.

Now let's get
a Lidocaine drip set up.

Curly, will you cut it out?

Don't want you getting bedsores.

I've only been lying
here 20 minutes.

I hate a fussing woman.

Mom fussed over you
for 40 years,

and you never complained.

She knew how to fuss and
let me have my dignity.

Great manipulator.

Hello, how you feeling?

Roughed up.

She's turned me over
more than a pancake.

The good news is...

Son, give it to me straight.

That's how I like things.

Your angiogram showed extensive
coronary artery disease,

but it's not amenable
to a surgical procedure.

You won't slice me up. Good.

You're having blackouts

because your
heart rate's so slow

you're not getting
enough blood to your brain.

The best treatment is
to fit you with this.

It's a pacemaker, dad.

I know what it is.

Then a diet of birdseed
and a stupid exercycle.

Dad.

You can lead a full life.

Don't think of yourself
as an invalid.

I've been in the lumber
business 30 years.

You live that life,

you learn something about
the cycle of nature.

A tree grows, matures, dies.

I'm an old tree.

I want to go out with
what I came in with.

Just a second, dad.

I made up my mind.

When can I leave?

Isn't staying alive worth
a little inconvenience?

Let me tell you something
about staying alive.

I had to watch your mother

after she had a stroke.

In and out of hospitals,

pumped full of drugs.

Little by little, life
seeped out of her.

Sometimes she didn't
know where she was.

In the end, she was
wearing diapers.

That how you want to see me?

Because it sure as
hell not what I want.

Hold it a second.

I never knew how bad
it was for my mother.

I'd call and ask
how she was doing

and he'd say fine.

He was protecting me,
and I let him.

Don't blame yourself.

What's important is
what we can do for him.

He'll never listen to me.

I'll work on him.

Curly, how's your dad?

Great.

He's a spaulding.

We're tough as nails.

Relax, close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.

Relax your feet.

Now your legs.

Now your torso.

Now I want you
to start fantasizing.

About blood.

If you force yourself

to deal with the gory stuff now,

when you're actually
confronted with it,

it doesn't seem so bad.

It's called progressive
desensitization.

This isn't going to work.

I'm going to get
that queasy feeling.

That's o.K. When that happens,

say to yourself,
blood is nothing,

but plasma, platelets,
and cells, oh, my.

It's a little mantra that
my father and I invented,

like lions and tigers
and bears, oh, my.

From the wizard of oz!
That's so cute.

I was 12.

Let's just try it.

Let's start small. Finger cut.

I don't need a mantra for that.

Great. O.K., we'll move
on to something bigger.

A gunshot wound.

O.K., but it has to be
a little bullet.

A .22 to the leg.

Are the clothes bloody?

Soaked through.

Plasma, platelets,
and cells, oh, my.

Something bigger. A train wreck.

That's o.K. An appendectomy.

That's relatively bloodless.

Just a small incision.

The knife goes into the skin.

Plasma, platelets,
and cells. Oh, my.

And then the abdominal cavity.

And I lift the heart out
of the chest cavity.

My hand knocks a clamp loose.

It's unlike me to be clumsy.

The artery's spurting
blood everywhere,

but I tie it off.

And then comes the new heart.

It's a lovely, healthy
color, like a ripe plum...

Liz?

Liz.

Are you still replacing
that kneecap?

I just did a heart transplant.

How did it go?

Well, I was brilliant.

Too bad my assistant dozed off.

I'm sorry.

I got to get back
to my apartment.

Ohh.

Thanks for everything, doogie.

You've been so sweet.

Look. You're exhausted.

Do you have far to drive?

Northridge.

It's o.K.

Just roll the windows down

and blast the radio.

Do you know how many people
I have put back together

who use that brilliant strategy?

You're sleeping here tonight.

I can't kick you
out of your bedroom.

I'll take the floor.

I'm a veteran camper.

It's o.K. With your folks?

Yeah. I'm an adult to them.

The bathroom's through there.

It's sanitized
for your protection.

There's plenty of t-shirts.

You prefer Einstein
or the Terminator?

I'll take the genius.

Arnold, it is.

Doogie.

Breakfast is ready.

Oh, hi. You must
be doogie's dad.

Who might you be?

I'm Liz. Nice to meet you.

Liz, it's 7:00.

This is your third and
final wake-up call.

Isn't he terrific?

You must be so proud of him.

Yes. He's quite a wonder.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Oh. Hi, dad.

I guess you met Liz.
She was, uh...

Yes. Thank you.

Douglas, when you have a moment,

I'd like to have
a word with you.

O.K. I'd love to chat.

Come on, Liz.

Let's go down and have a cup
of coffee with the folks.

Is doogie almost ready?

These will get cold.

I think we better make
an extra batch.

Great news.

My dad came down to 100 a month,

and he won't even charge
me a cleaning deposit.

Flapjacks. Mind if I
make myself a place?

You never eat breakfast.

Well, I'm an artist.

I'm a very capricious spirit.

Good morning, everyone.

Hi, honey.

Douglas.

I want a word with you.

Ooh. Don't like
the sound of that.

Speeding ticket? Door
ding on the beemer?

Vincent, this is private.

I won't breathe a word.

Good morning, everybody.

Liz.

Liz, I want you to meet my mom,

my friend Vinnie,

and you've met my dad.

She has? Yes.

I knocked on doogie's
door this morning,

and I woke her up.

Doogie's told you what
happened last night.

He didn't tell me.

And I'm all ears.

Doogie was so wonderful.

When he taught me
how to fantasize,

it was unbelievable.

I've never done that before.

But he guided me
through every step.

By the end, I was so exhausted,

I actually fell asleep.

I love this man.

You're late for class.

Have you ever seen
a pancake sandwich?

You have your pancake there,

your egg there,
your bacon there.

Now...

Want a little syrup, hmm?

There. I think you're done.

Bye.

Flapjacks, Liz?

Oh. Coffee's fine. Thanks.

Help yourself.

Well.

Doogie, do you mind

if I take a quick shower?

Oh. Go ahead.

Use my shampoo.

It really does leave your
hair soft and manageable.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Douglas. Yes?

I'm appalled and dismayed.

Not a ray Charles fan?

What the hell are you doing with
a girl in your room overnight?

Now, David, there may be a
perfectly innocent explanation.

Do you want to tell us
what happened?

Yesterday, I was an adult.

Since when are adults

required to discuss their
bedroom activities?

When those bedroom activities
happen in my house.

It's my room.

What's your point?

You want me to pay
like an adult,

but you still treat
me like a child.

It's not that black and white.

Why not?

Because you're still
a part of a family.

You have to show some consideration
for its other members.

What's your point, dad?

My point, son,

is if you can't live with that,

maybe you better move out.

The man is totally irrational.

Can't you reason with him?

I don't want to.

I agree with him.

Oh, please.

O.K., that's it.

I'm out of here.

Will you be o.K.?

I'll take the afternoon off.

I want to be alone

and not have people treating
me like an invalid.

Came to say goodbye.

If you ever change your mind,

I know some great
doctors in Portland.

No offense, but no, thanks, son.

Dad!

Please.

Curly, I thought
we settled this.

This is what I want.

What about me?

I'll be all alone.

We had you late.

We knew you wouldn't
have us around long.

That's why we raised
you to be independent.

You'll be fine.

But what about my dreams, dad?

Curly, what do you want from me?

What do you want?

I want you to give me away

when I get married.

I want to see the
look on your face

the first time you see
your grandchildren.

God, you haven't even started
dating seriously yet.

How long do you want me to live?

Forever.

Sweetheart, I can't do that.

But you can do your damnedest

to be here as long as you can.

Because you love me,

and you would do
anything in the world

for your little girl.

I have said that, haven't I?

About a zillion times.

O.K.

But I get a room

without some sick old guy in it.

Plasma, platelets,
and cells. Oh, my.

Plasma, platelets,
and cells. Oh, my.

Plasma, platelets,
and cells. Oh, my.

Plasma, platelets,
and cells. Oh, my.

Well, if it isn't

the playboy of
the western world.

What's on your agenda tonight,

a bacchanalian orgy
in the bathroom?

O.K., dad. I apologize.

As long as I'm part of a family,

I understand I have to
make some compromises.

I mean, I'm not all alone here,

and I can't pretend that I am.

Well...

I'm glad you have a
shred of respect left

for your parents.

Now tell us what
happened last night.

Well... Dad,

and I mean this
with the utmost respect.

That's still none
of your business.

Don't you love these
warm family moments?

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