Original subtitles

[Vinnie] That was the day your old man took us to Disneyland.

- Remember? - Yeah.

Look at you. What a pinhead.

You went for the minnie mouse ears.

How would I know they were girl's ears?

Besides, only a stud could bring off a polka-dot bow.

What are you guys doing? We're cleaning the garage.

This reel is almost over, dad.

I'm transfixed by Vinnie making a fool of himself.

Stuff it, howser.

Hey, look at that. I remember that pool.

Get a load of Jacques cousteau,

"ze daredevil of ze wading pool."

There you go. Nothing changes.

You were a letch even then.

Susie berlutti sure could fill out a sunsuit.

What happened?

You know how old home movies are.

Everything gets spliced together.

Hippies?

What are these, home movies from the mummy's tomb?

They look goofy, don't they?

The guys are dorks,

but the babe's a good singer.

How can you tell?

Look at that hip action.

That's talent.

Wait a minute. That's no babe.

That's your mother.

Holy moley.

That is my mother.

Boy, does she have some explaining to do.

You were in a rock band, mom?

What's the story?

O.K. When I was in college,

a friend of mine had a band.

He had a decent voice.

The next thing i knew,

I was lead singer

for mother earth and the pagans.

And you think you know somebody.

I... i am personally stunned.

What? Am i the only idiot

cleaning out the garage.

We just saw mom in a home movie.

She was in a band.

Mother earth and the pagans.

The bass player was mother earth.

Anything you don't want goes in the trash.

You can't throw out my tambourine.

Look at this great stuff.

"Ban the bra."

Now there's a movement i can support.

Like, far out, man. Which way to Woodstock?

It would have been more fun

if they'd had nicer porta-potties.

Hold it. You're telling us you were at Woodstock?

Mm-hmm. Check for yourself.

See this green dot?

That's me.

Whoa! Whoa!

Dad, did you know she was in Woodstock?

Yes, but I married her anyway.

I can't believe it.

What did you think? I was born a doctor's wife?

I never thought much

about what you were like before me.

You should ask more questions.

I was a pretty interesting person.

I told spaulding

vice president quayle came in complaining of memory loss.

And to prove it, i showed her this X-ray.

A peanut.

For a minute, she believed me.

Look at that.

This woman has a mass in her breast.

What the hell are you doing?

Just using the light box.

My patients' films are none of your business.

All I did was look at a mammogram, sy.

What's the big deal?

Mom?

Doogie. What are you doing home?

I saw your mammogram.

Most of the time these lumps mean nothing.

Why am I telling you? You know that.

But how are you taking this?

I'm fine.

There are better ways to spend a morning

than having a biopsy,

but I'm not worried.

Everything will be fine.

Does dad know?

Yes. I called him.

Well, when is it?

Tomorrow morning, 8:00.

Sy Bernstein's an excellent surgeon.

I'd trust him with my own...

Mother?

Yeah.

Doogie, go back to the hospital.

Use your bedside manner

on somebody who really needs it.

I'm fine. Trust me.

Are you sure?

Positive. I'm really not worried.

That guitarist was a real strange ranger.

That's Halle wolf Goldstein.

Today he's an orthodontist in walnut creek.

I bet he never saw that coming.

Are you kidding?

None of us did.

[Projector stops]

What do you mean, mom?

Well...

When I was 19, i had great plans.

I was going to be a lawyer by day...

And Linda ronstadt at night.

I was going to backpack around Europe...

With a side trip to India...

To visit the maharishi.

And then, after helping the poor and oppressed,

I thought I could be a famous artist

and live on a meat-free commune in new Mexico.

But instead you met dad and had me, right?

Right.

Are you sorry you gave up all those things?

Oh, but I didn't give them up, doogie.

I just put them on hold.

I always thought some day I'd get around to them.

And now here I am facing a biopsy,

and I'm thinking...

What if this is it?

[Chatter]

You warm enough, Mrs. howser?

Yes, I'm fine.

You're looking mighty fine, Mrs. howser.

You're the only woman alive

who can look sexy in a hospital gown.

Oh, Alvin.

Don't worry. This will all be over before you know it.

Thanks, curly.

Hello, Katherine.

Hello, sy.

We'll start in a few minutes.

She's going to be fine.

I know it.

She looks calm,

don't you think, dad?

Yes, she does.

All right, Mrs. howser.

We're ready to start.

Now, would you count

backwards from 10 for me, please?

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

[Door opens]

It's benign.

O.K., mom. Be careful. Watch your step.

The kitchen is the second most dangerous room

in the whole house, so...

Easy, easy.

Go right up to bed, Katherine.

You need peace and quiet.

[Knock knock]

Oh, lord.

Mrs. howser, it is so great to have you home.

We were worried sick.

Can I have a hug?

Sure, Vinnie.

Only if it's copacetic with you, Dr. howser.

I'm really glad you're o.K.

That's sweet, Vinnie.

My mom sent you baked ziti.

Two meatballs each, with one extra for the convalescee.

Oh, tell your mother thank you very much.

You ought to taste it before you get excited.

As your doctor, i think you should rest.

All right, but first i want to make sure

nobody makes any plans for next Saturday night.

Why, mom?

Well, there's this little nightclub in the valley

that has an open mic.

Anyone who wants to can get up and sing.

So I've decided that next Saturday night,

I'm going to do it,

and I want you all to be there.

This is a little out of the blue, Katherine.

So was that lump, David.

It sent me a big message...

I don't have forever.

There's a lot of unfinished business in my life.

If I'm going to get to it,

I better do it now.

You want to be a singer?

Maybe.

I... i don't know.

I just want to do more with my life.

There's more to being Katherine howser

than just being your wife and your mother.

And if I can find the guts to do this,

I can get out there and do anything.

I'm really getting excited about this.

Way to go, Mrs. howser.

Give me five.

Hi, dad.

Hi, son.

What are you doing?

Your mother's selecting a song for Saturday night,

so I volunteered to make dinner.

Hey, I'm a nineties kind of a guy.

Sure, dad.

[Piano plays]

These boots are made for walkin'

and that's just what they'll do

one of these days

these boots are gonna walk all over you...

She's not going to sing that, is she, dad?

-

[Bad chord] - Damn.

Mom's excited about this.

She's invited practically everyone we know.

Oh, really?

Mm-hmm.

I am woman, hear me roar

in numbers too big to ignore

and I know too much

to goin' back to pretendin'

Dad, maybe singing's not such a good idea.

I mean, public humiliation

isn't a big confidence booster.

Douglas, give her a chance.

There's got to be a morning after

[Off-key] if we can make it through the night

Give her another chance.

Feelings

I'll talk to her.

Maybe we should both go,

and let's be really sensitive.

Trying to forget my

We're healers. We can handle it.

Feelings of love

workin' 9 to 5

what a way to make a livin'

barely gettin' by

it's all takin' and no givin'

they just use your mind

and they never give you credit

it's enough to drive you crazy

if you let it

workin' 9 to 5

what a way to make a...

Gosh, there are just so many wonderful songs

to choose from.

Yeah, mom. Great tunes. Great tunes.

Honey, are you absolutely sure

you're doing the right thing?

What do you mean, David?

We just want to make sure

that if it's confidence you want,

it's confidence that you get.

You're trying to say I stink?

No, Katherine.

No, mom. It's just that you have so many talents

in so many areas.

We want to make sure

that you have chosen the right one to...

To highlight.

And you're afraid I'm going to embarrass you.

No, no, no, no.

Mom, that's crazy.

Listen, I've always stood behind both of you,

even when I didn't agree with you.

Even when you made fools of yourselves,

I cheered you on because I loved you,

and that's called unconditional love.

I give it,

and I deserve to get it back.

So on Saturday night, you better be there

sitting down front, smiling and applauding,

and loving every minute of it

no matter what happens, you got me?

[Door slams]

We'd better get there early.

They were callin' wild fire

they were callin' wild fire

they were callin' wild fire

wild fire

they were callin' wild fire

they were callin' wild fire

wild fire

That's great. How about it for Jim?

Estelle, sy, thank you for coming.

Hi, everybody.

Hi. Hi.

How's it going?

You nervous?

Petrified.

You're going to knock them dead.

Yeah. And...

I'm going to tape it for all posterity.

Well, good.

I think.

Next we have a great singer.

She's our favorite secretary from, uh, century city.

Here's damita Jo Todd. Give her a hand.

I'm next. If you'll excuse me,

I'm going to go pull myself together.

Knock them dead, Mrs. h.

Do ya, do ya, do ya

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya, do ya, do ya

do ya wanna dance?

Oh, baby

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya wanna dance...

David...

She's singing my song.

What, honey?

That's the song i was going to do.

Do you want to dance?

She's singing my song.

Well, that's not very nice.

Oh, baby, do ya wanna dance?

She's better than me.

No, she's not.

Do ya wanna dance?

Are we listening to the same woman?

Will you relax? You've been a professional.

That woman's only a secretary.

Don't worry, Mrs. h.

You're going to blow her off the stage.

Do ya, do ya, do ya

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya, do ya, do ya

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya wanna

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya wanna

do ya wanna dance?

Dance with me, baby

do ya wanna dance?

Dance with me, baby

do ya wanna dance?

I'm gonna dance

do ya wanna dance?

I'm gonna dance with you, baby

I can't do this.

Do you wanna

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya wanna

do ya wanna dance?

Dance with me, baby

do ya wanna dance?

Dance with me, baby

You know, mom...

Good night.

Well...

So much for Katherine howser's coming-out party.

How could I ever think i could do this?

My mind must've been affected by the anesthesia.

You had a setback.

I chickened out.

O.K. So you chickened out.

So what? There will be other chances,

other ways for you to get out in the world

and prove yourself.

You can do it, Katherine.

I know you.

All I had to do was sing one stupid song.

It's not too late.

What?

Why don't you sing your song...

To me?

Oh. Uh-uh. I couldn't.

Mm-hmm. Come on. I'm a very good audience.

Oh, David. I don't think that I should.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

David, I just...

Shh. Shh.

I love you, Katherine.

No matter what happens.

Do ya wanna dance?

And hold my hand

tell me you're my lover man

oh, baby

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya wanna dance?

Under the moonlight

hug and kiss all through the night

oh, baby

do ya wanna dance with me, baby?

Do ya, do ya, do ya

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya, do ya

do ya wanna dance?

Do ya, do ya, do ya

do ya want to dance with me, baby?

Yeah, uh-huh

uh-huh

dance with me, baby

ooh hoo

h-h-hoo

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