All language subtitles for Doogie Howser MD s01e09 She Ain.eng

Smell me.
Am I tropical?

This woman
is from Miami.

I got
to be tropical.

There's a lot
I'll do for you,

but I'm not prepared
to smell you.

What if she's a dog?

She's Wanda's cousin.
How can she be?

Right. She's swimming
in a foxy gene pool.

I hope I don't
hork up my dinner.

Relax. Wanda says

yvette is a really
nice girl.

Yvette--

a name that's
usually followed by the phrase,

live on stage.

I owe you
for this.

My pleasure, pal.

Boys,
your dates are here.

It's showtime,
vinnerino.

I want her to hunt me down
like the dog that I am.

You'll be
easy to track with that scent.

So, uh, this
is my cousin yvette.

Oh, my.

Oh, hi.

Here's a shot
i seldom show strangers.

Well, it's
a work in progress.

This table's
way off-balance.

I don't think
you'll be able to sink anything.

Except those two.

Why didn't
you tell me?

Tell you what?

That your cousin
is a planet.

She's not that big.

She's just big-boned.

O.K., you're right.

I didn't know.

I haven't seen her
since we were 10.

When we started out
this evening,

Vinnie owed me
a favor.

Now I owe him
for the rest of my life.

He looks happy.

Yeah. He's happy
'cause he knows

I owe him
for the rest of my life.

How about another game?

You don't
have to do that.

Do what?

You hung out
for an hour.

Wanda will be happy.
We can go home.

What are you
talking about?

I never had a date
last over an hour.

Consider yourself lucky.

Some of my dates
end after,

"hi. I'm Vinnie delpino.

I'm here
to pick you up."

Let's rack 'em up.

I'm having a good time.

How come you moved to L.A.
from Miami?

My father changed jobs.

I've seen pictures
of Florida beaches.

They look really nice.

Last time I showed up
at the beach,

they declared me
an endangered species.

What do I do when
you say stuff like that?

Laugh. It's a joke.

Thanks a lot.

Whoa. Major widebody.

How many toilet seats
you broken, toots?

I heard that.

Very funny,
mallet head.

Vinnie, it's o.K.

No. You're my date.

She's your date?

You look like
her dinner.

Ohh. Ahh.

Bye.

Leave him alone.
He's just a little guy.

Back off, or I'll rip
your head off first.

How is he
going to hurt you?

Well, there's your answer.

Must be tough on Wanda
dating a doctor.

His beeper
goes off all the time.

Ruins lots of good times.

What are you
laughing at?

You nailed that guy
pretty good.

I've never seen
anybody's eyes roll like that.

We set a speed record
getting out of there.

Lucky he didn't
come after us.

It's hard chasing someone
when your zipper's been dislocated.

Anyway, thanks a lot.

It's really something
defending me like that.

Hey, it was nothing.

Not to me.

Nobody's
ever done that.

I don't know
what happened.

I guess I was overcome
by chivalry.

What are you doing?
This is on me.

Chivalry's expensive.

Look, I hope
i can see you again.

Uh, sure.

When?

Uh, I don't know
exactly.

I'll have
to check my schedule.

If you don't want to...

No. I want to.

I mean, it's o.K.

Most guys don't.

I'm used to it.

Hey. It's not o.K., o.K.?

Just because
most guys are cue balls

doesn't mean I am.

So how about
like tomorrow night?

I'll have
to check my schedule.

O.K.

O.K.

I'd like to try
some new splint material.

I always like
using plaster

on top
of the nose.

The difference
is impressive.

The reward's
seeing the look on their face

when the bandages
come off.

McGUIRE, MAKE SURE
THE PACKING'S REMOVED

before
he goes home.

The next patient
is Ruth Faber.

She's had several
prior surgeries.

Breast augmentation,
malar implants,

rhinoplasty,
abdominoplasty,

mentoplasty,
facelifts.

What's she in for now?

Liposuction.
We're reducing her saddlebags.

Hi, doctor.

Ruth,
this is Dr. howser,

Dr. McGUIRE,
AND Dr. KLINE.

Mind lifting your gown?

I'm a doctor.

Scout's honor.

This is the area

where she has some
excess subcutaneous fat.

Some? I've got
gobs of it.

We'll make a couple
small incisions--

the scars won't be
below my panty line?

They'll be
right in the crease.

Half-inch incisions
here and here.

This is where
the cannula goes.

I can thin it out
and contour the hip.

You can lower
your gown now.

Is her lab work
back yet?

Everything's
on the chart.

It was all normal.

You'll get
your sedative.

I'll see you
in surgery.

Thank you, doctor.

Doctors.

So, Dr. howser,

do you think you can recognize
a fat embolism now?

Absolutely.

No problem there.

Of course,
if she develops a seroma where we suction,

it can easily be
drawn off later.

The important thing is

you stop suction
when more blood is coming out than fat.

Dr. Michaels,
no disrespect intended,

but I question the wisdom
of all these procedures.

I looked at her before shots
all the way down the line.

Why is she doing all this?

It's very important
to Ruth Faber

to look as good as
she possibly can.

She already looked good.

Some people's standards
are more stringent than others.

Besides, everybody wants to
maximize their appearance.

And why shouldn't they?

They're lucky we have the
technology to help them.

Hi, curly.

Hi, doogie.
Hi, Dr. Michaels.

Ooh. Apple?

Peach. Want it?

No. I've got to
lose three pounds.

Oh, go ahead, spaulding.
You only live once.

Eat it now.

You can always get it
sucked out later.

Oh, look.
You're back just in time.

He's going to pull
off that scarf.

Wait till you see
his fly head.

Look at that noggin!

That's about
a 28 hat size.

You're actually
going to watch the movie?

SURE. OF COURSE.
THIS ISTHE FLY.

The original.

A classic
in horror history.

This is a drive-in.

You don't bring someone
to a drive-in

to look at that.

Well, the nachos
look really good.

Not right now.

I could run and get
some popcorn.

You could just relax.

Not when the fly's
having lunch.

Forget that.

Hey, hey, hey!
What's going on?

You're cramping
my lungs.

I can't breathe.

Oh, right,
make a fat joke.

I just like
to ease into these things.

Oh, sure.

Hey, I'm Italian.

I'm not used
to aggressive women.

Aggressive? Is that
what we're called now?

What's going on here?

You know.

No, I don't.

You didn't want
to hurt my feelings.

You brought me here

where nobody would
see us together.

That's nuts.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, look everybody,
Vinnie's with a blimp!

Cut that out.
I came here

BECAUSE IT'S
THE ONLY PLACE SHOWINGTHE FLY.

I thought
you were different,

but you're not.

You're just like
everybody else.

Yvette--

I'm leaving.

I don't need
any more of this.

Yvette! Hey, yvette,
where are you going?

Looks great.
Hardly any discoloration.

What about
my right thigh?

There was a lump there.

Ruth, the
swelling hasn't even gone down.

I paid $3,000
for perfect thighs,

not one perfect thigh
and one lumpy one.

If it's still there
in a few days,

we'll do something
about it.

You should take it out
for free.

It should be included
in my initial $3,000.

It will.

You can
leave tomorrow.

I'll remove
those stitches on Friday.

There's just one more
thing worrying me.

With my new hips,

do you think I need
more work up here?

If you'd
broken your knee,

it would hurt worse.

What shape's
your bike in?

It looks like
two unicycles.

O.K., last stitch.

Someone's here
to see you, Dr. howser.

She's bigger
than the truck

that ran me
off the road.

Ouch!

Sorry. The novocain
must be wearing off.

Put a dressing on that,
will you, curly?

Yvette. Hi.

Hi, doogie.

Can we go somewhere
and talk?

Uh, sure.

It's a little busy
around here today,

but we can grab
a few minutes.

Let's try in here.

I guess you know
what happened last night.

Yeah.
Vinnie told me.

He didn't tell you
the worst of it.

When I got to Wanda's
i started eating...

A lot.

Bingeing.

You could call it that.

All they have left

is a couple cans
of lentil soup.

I hate lentils.

I hate myself.

Doogie, I'm scared.

I don't
know what to do.

Have you tried
to lose weight?

Once, when I was 12.

I lost a little,
then I blew it.

Sometimes
it's easier to stay fat

than to risk
being rejected.

I get rejected plenty.
Ask your pal Vinnie.

From what he says,
he didn't reject you.

You scared him off.

He hates me.

He doesn't hate you.

You hate you.

I'm fat. I'm ugly.

I'm ashamed to look
at myself in the mirror.

What's not to hate?

What if
i found a program? Would you try it?

What's the point?
I'd probably screw up.

You'll never know
unless you try.

But you've got
to make a commitment, a big one.

Hey, "big"
is my middle name.

Will you do it?

O.K.
I'll give it a try.

O.K. Cool.

I just don't
understand it, mom.

This woman doesn't need
all that surgery.

Well, it's unfortunate,

but society values
men and women differently.

Well,
it doesn't seem fair.

It isn't.

As men get older,
they're considered distinguished, stately.

And women are just
considered older.

But she's
really attractive.

That doesn't change the fact
that a lot of older men

dump their wives
for younger women.

Well, all I know is
it's a screwy world

when someone like yvette
is scared to lose weight,

and curly spaulding,
who's got a great body,

is eating rabbit food
just to lose three pounds.

I guess women have to come to
some kind of inner peace

with who and what they are.

I know one thing, mom.

You look marvelous,
my darling.

You're just saying that
'cause I'm your mother.

No, you really do.

Well, thank you, doogie.

Here, you want
one of these?

Ooh, no.
Those are 35 calories.

?�these are only 18.

Everything's
healing nicely.

No infections
in the incisions.

No adverse swelling.

Yes, I'm very pleased.

And that pesky lump
is gone.

You're clear to go home.

Well, thank you,
Dr. howser.

I'll see you
next month.

I've decided
to have my ankles liposuctioned.

Mrs. Faber,
it's none of my business,

but you have
great ankles,

world-class ankles.

I want them perfect.

Nobody's perfect.

What's perfect anyway?

Perfect is when
Phil Faber says,

"honey,
you're perfect."

Doesn't it bother you

that you're wasting
all that money

trying to
achieve something you'll never get?

What's that
supposed to mean?

You're already a very
attractive woman.

All this surgery

won't make
a noticeable difference.

Well,
it makes a noticeable difference to me,

and it makes a noticeable
difference to my Phil.

How much of a difference

if you're
never satisfied with your looks?

Why are you doing this?

Why are you
making me feel this way?

I just think--

get out of here!

Go away!

I don't want
to see you!

Look, howser,
I'll give this to you man-to-man,

colleague-to-colleague.

If you disrupt
my relationship

with a patient again,

I'll have you
up on charges.

I didn't think.

I guess you didn't.

Who are you to tell
my patient anything

about her emotional or
psychological problems?

Well,
someone's got to.

She's got
a lousy self-image,

and surgery won't
solve her problems.

I may not
solve her problems,

but I'm not creating
new ones for her.

This woman needs help.

You're right.

And given the fact

that she won't
see a psychiatrist,

I'm the next
best thing.

Many people
with scalpels

aren't qualified
like I am.

Do I abandon her
to them?

You're
a good doctor, kid.

But you have
got a lot to learn

about how people
wire up.

AAH!

Aah!

Hey, I wasn't
screaming at you.

You came at
a really tense time.

It's o.K.

How did you
get here?

Doogie and Wanda
dropped me off.

THE FINAL NIGHT
OFTHE FLY.

I ruined it for you
the last time.

Hey, forget about it.

These things happen
among friends.

Are we?

Yeah.

I really like you,
yvette.

We have
a lot in common.

Us? What?

Well, uh,
you're, um...

You know.

Fat.

You could call it that.

And me, I'm short...
Very short.

I never noticed.

Oh, yeah.

I've been on hold
at 5'3" for 2 years.

Every day
it's "hiya, vin.

Want to be dropped off
at snow white's?"

"We'll spray your head
with lemon pledge.

Walk under
my mom's coffee table and dust it."

I've heard them all.

Except you got one
big advantage over me.

I can't be taller,

but you can do something
about being fat.

And I'm going to.

The next time
you see me,

I'll be able
to ooze through Cher's body stocking.

I like those words.

I'm coming back
to see you.

I'm liking that
even better.

And you'll want me.

Definitely.

And you'll probably
turn me down.

Why?

Because
you'll be slim,

and I'll still be
short and weird.

Maybe I like
short and weird.

Yeah?

Yeah.

All right.

Ooh, get ready.

This is
the best part.

She'll use
that iron press

to turn his head
into pudding.

Ew!
Ew! Gross!

AAH!

AAH!

Don't you think
it's about time you turned in?

I feel awful
about what I did to that woman,

and I don't know how
to make it right.

Well, you can't.

So let that go.

What you can do

is learn something
from the experience

so you don't make
the same mistake twice.

Isn't there
an obligation to identify a problem?

She wasn't
your patient.

Yvette wasn't either,
not technically.

Hmph.

She came to you, though.

What's the difference?

The difference is
she wanted your help.

Mrs. Faber didn't.

I just feel
so sorry for her.

You can't always fix
what's broken,

and you don't
always have an answer

that somebody
wants to hear.

Hmm.

I guess.

Get some sleep, son.

Thanks, dad.

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