Original subtitles

Wanda?

Fine, I will, mother.

I got to be home by 10:00.

They get so weird sometimes.

I'm not sure but I think they stay weird.

like my grandfather comes to visit and still tells my father what to do.

It ticks him off.

I got an "b" on my algebra test.

I thought I failed.

So, how's the hospital?

I helped this guy with a stab wound.

The police brought him in.

Neat. So, where are we going?

BLACK RAIN.

I saw it with Susan.

Remember you got an emergency call?

YEAH. WHAT ABOUT GROSS ANATOMY?

Kind of funny. Kind of gross.

Oh, well...

YOU WANT TO SEE THE ABYSS AGAIN?

I already saw it again with Brian.

Brian Johnson?

You went out with brain Johnson?

We didn't go out. We just went to the movie.

Oh, Then it doesn't count.

Doogie, What am I supposed to do?

I mean, You're constantly breaking our plans.

Not because I'm going out with Brian Johnson.

ISN'T HE GOING THROUGH THE 11th GRADE

for the fifth time?

He didn't break our date.

I have a job.

Oh...

Well, maybe I should get out of your way, doctor.

Obviously your job comes first.

Obviously Brian comes first.

Maybe he should.

Maybe you should be out with him.

Then it's settled.

Makes sense to me.

Fine. / Good.

Larry, i know I promised,

but my kid's real sick, and I got to stay home.

I got an 8-year-old, Richie Jr.

Richie, stay in bed. Daddy will bring the soup.

When will the plans be done?

Don't cry, honey.

I got to go.

Daddy's coming, honey. Don't cry.

I got to go, lar.

Oh, yeah.

Like you never lied before.

Genius, can you get me on a plane by Monday?

No. The bleeding hasn't stopped.

You have a stubborn ulcer.

I'd like to schedule operate as soon as possible,

but we'll need a supply of ab-negative blood.

Your wife is ab-negative.

So we took the Liberty of calling her.

Oh, yeah? Don't hold your breath--

these were at the palms Springs house.

They were behind the refrigerator.

The dog found them.

I miss the dog.

You missed the lawyer's office.

Here's your copy of the settlement papers.

I'm in the damn hospital!

How convenient! Another way to delay.

Your husband has a recurrent bleeding duodenal ulcer

and needs surgery. You're ab-negative--

not my blood! Not her blood!

Your husband has very serious ulcers,

and he needs immediate surgery.

You can't deny him your blood.

Sign the papers, you'll get my blood.

That's blackmail.

That's the deal. Take it or leave it.

Get out!

Suit yourself.

Oh, hi, dad.

Hi, son.

What is he doing?

Pulling off groupies.

Oh, hello, Dr. howser.

You look like you had a rough day.

It was my understanding

you're going out.

We were, but we can't.

What if Wanda calls?

That's not it, Vinnie.

I didn't feel like going out.

Right. Look, howser. Call her, humiliate yourself,

and we'll all be happy.

She started this.

She's waiting for you to call.

It doesn't matter. Trust me. I know women.

I study them.

What do you think, Dr Howser?

You must know something about women.

Who started the fight

is not as important as forgiving one another.

Man to man, he's gotta call her, right?

Every time my mom gets mad at my dad,

he has to apologize and turn on the charm.

Wanda knows it's her responsibility

to make the apology.

He doesn't get it.

Doog, women control everything.

We're here for them.

Caesar fought for Cleopatra.

Paris built the trojan horse for Helen.

Paul McCartney LETS HIS WIFE PLAY IN THE BAND.

We're libido slaves to something

bigger than us...

Women.

[Katherine] David, did you take out the trash?

I appreciate your coming.

You want my blood.

Mrs. Aaron,

I understand your situation-- you don't,

or else you wouldn't have asked me here.

We're having trouble finding donors.

We need two pints--

if he wants my blood,

he'll sign the divorce papers.

You can't divorce a dead husband.

He could die, ma'am.

He's been receiving transfusions,

but after 8:00 he'll need fresh blood.

Let his secretary give it to him.

She has been all along.

Mrs. Aaron, I have a job to do!

Well, maybe I should get out of your way.

What you're doing is illegal.

Under California law,

all personal bodily fluids are community property

not limited to, and including, blood.

Neglect of these duties

will result in a suit against you,

not only to drain from you Mr. Aaron's share of blood,

but for intentional infliction

of emotional distress,

not to mention the criminal statutes applicable

should he die, ma'am.

All right.

Let's just get this over with.

I've got an 11:45.

Get Mrs. Aaron to the blood bank,

and schedule Mr. Aaron for a laparotomy.

A moment, Dr. howser.

I never knew blood was community property.

Would that include bodily fluids existing

before the marriage?

Hard to tell, sir. I made it up.

Good work, doctor.

I'm dying of fun here.

How much longer do we have to do this?

Spend a few days away from someone,

you almost forget what they look like.

What does Brian Johnson have that I don't?

Shoulders, big ones... And hair on his chest.

Really?

Yeah.

All right, enough fun. Go knock on the door.

Not on your life.

I got no life anymore.

Who's side are you on? It's her fault.

You've got a female who's willing

to make mouth music with you,

and you're letting that go?

I'm not going to be the one to apologize.

O.K., you've forced me into this.

Six generations of delpino men

know the secret to end any problem with a women.

Yeah? What? Roses.

But the secret is the love poem you send with them.

I can't write poetry.

You need inspiration.

Brian Johnson is 6 feet of hairy inspiration.

No way. If she cared, she'd call.

Does Brian Johnson shave yet?

Rumor is, by fifth period, he has a shadow.

You want a few laughs?

We could look through my sister's underwear drawer.

Naw.

I was paged. Who wants to see me?

She's in there.

Is the operation over?

He's in recovery. He's doing fine.

I took so long, i--

it seemed long.

Well, he started bleeding very actively

just before he went into surgery.

He wouldn't have made it without your blood.

I know you don't believe this, but...

In spite of everything, i still love him.

I think he still loves me.

You guys sure have a weird way of showing it.

Yeah.

Well, I guess that's why we're getting divorced.

But if you love each other--

it's not that simple.

People say terrible things when they're angry.

They do terrible things. Yeah.

I know.

Boy, do I know.

Men. Women.

Can't live with them. Can't kill them.

I gotta get back.

He'll be out of recovery in two hours.

You can see him then.

Oh, no, i really should go.

Listen.

Do me a favor.

Don't tell him I was here.

Okay?

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

STATIC IN MY ATTIC ON CHANNEL Z

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

STATIC IN MY ATTIC ON CHANNEL Z

How can you possibly concentrate?

[Music stops]

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

STATIC IN MY ATTIC ON CHANNEL Z

I'm going to kill him.

You're going to play golf.

He's been playing that all morning.

I'll talk to him.

GETTIN' NOTHIN'BUT STATIC [POUNDING ON DOOR]

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

STATIC IN MY ATTIC ON CHANNEL Z

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

STATIC IN MY ATTIC ON CHANNEL Z

[Switch clicks]

GETTIN' NOTHIN' BUT STATIC

[Lowers volume] Mom!

Just until your father leaves for his game.

Deep lyrics.

We found them very moving.

Why haven't you called Wanda?

Wanda who?

I'm watching you in so much pain.

It'll be o.K.

You don't want to move there.

You can take it back.

Hey, you wanna catch a matinee or something.

No, thanks.

I just feel awful.

This is the worst feeling in the world.

There's a good chance

Wanda's feeling the same.

You'll never know unless you call.

No. I just-- i can't, o.K.?

O.K.

Oh, honey, there are a lot of things i could say,

but when you have a broken heart and feel like dying,

there's nothing you can do because...

It just...Sucks.

[Knock on door]

You have a visitor, son.

Make up or move out.

Thank you.

No. Thank you.

Nobody's ever sent me roses.

Roses?

But you.

Of course.

And the card...

You got to have a card.

How did you think of it?

It just came out of nowhere.

Did you mean it?

Every word.

It took me days to write.

I really figured you just didn't care.

Well, I tend not to show my emotions.

You think you'll be seeing Brian Johnson again?

Did I mention that when I went out with him

Kelly and Melissa were with us?

No. You left that part out.

I'm sorry.

I was so mad about you canceling on me,

I wanted to make you jealous.

So are we back together?

Yeah.

This is good.

Look, I got to go.

I got to take my little sister to swimming lessons.

She's such a nerd.

There's not much hope for her.

So, call me later, o.K.?

I loved the note.

Tongues! I saw mutual tongues!

You watched?

I'm the reason you got happy lips.

You sent the flowers?

I did it for friendship and romance.

To meet the new girl in Wanda's homeroom.

Jacqueline. She's French.

You know what that means.

That she comes from France.

No, that she's new.

I could be a desirable commodity.

I got to get to her before my reputation does.

Thanks, vin.

I owe you one.

You owe me 32 bucks.

What was on the note?

She went crazy over it.

Love poems by delpino.

Don't ask why, but it works.

"My heart is filled with sorrow.

"I miss my little Fawn.

"What Romeo felt for Juliet,

"Madonna felt for Sean,

"is nothing like the torment

"i suffer all night long.

"The tragedy of our love

"would make a Springsteen song.

"Your raven hair, your emerald eyes,

"your Ruby lips, perfect thighs.

"Baby, oh, baby, i miss you so.

Without you, it's like Larry and curly without moe."

The "baby, oh, baby" part breaks me up.

Ha ha ha ha!

Hi. I, uh, just wanted to stop by.

I can't believe this.

Now what?

I love you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

What for?

Nobody ever sent me roses.

Roses?

And the card.

Well, you've... Got to have a card.

It's like something from high school. I loved it.

Especially the part about the three stooges.

I know you like them.

That curly-- what an actor.

This is nice for a change--talking.

Yeah.

I can't stand it when we yell.

We've gotten good at it.

I think we've perfected it.

I don't know what made me think of this,

but remember when we were walking down the aisle?

Your mother kept sobbing,

"i give it six months."

We made it past six months.

We did.

We've been friends a long time.

So...

Now what?

So...

How's it going?

You sent the flowers?

Was that all right?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Good. Then you owe me $32.

I'll throw in the card for free.

It made him laugh.

And it made us stop

and see what we've been doing.

You forget that's the person

you spent 15 years of your life with.

That's great.

And it...

It made us realize

that we've been avoiding getting divorced.

I mean...

We may not be a good couple,

but maybe it'll be easier

if we do this as good friends.

You're still getting divorced?

I could've had two like you by now.

Wanda?

Yes, I took a jacket.

You look upset.

You know the couple i told you about?

The blood and stuff?

Yeah. Well, it's really weird.

They're getting a divorce.

That's not weird.

That's like most of my friends' parents.

I guess,

but they say they still love each other.

When I was 10, my mother left my father.

Really?

Yeah. It was awful.

We lived in an apartment in culver city.

My parents were always screaming at each other.

What happened?

After six months of marriage counseling,

they got back together.

I'm glad, but ever since,

they've been totally sickening--

kissing, fooling around, locking their door,

even in the afternoon.

Geriatric sex perverts from Mars.

I guess sometimes you can break up

and then get back.

Yeah. Sometimes.

Except, do you remember

when Kevin broke up with marianne?

THEY WERETHE COUPLE.

Is this going to happen to us? Doogie.

I don't want it to, but statistically--

I don't care about statistics.

It would be terrible.

I really like you.

Actually, I...

I sort of love you.

Sort of?

I mean, you know.

I...

I do.

Yeah. Me, too.

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