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[NAMETAG ALEXANDER'S "NOT AT ALL"]
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Welcome back to Roman
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candle baseball World Series.
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Sam Duvet at the bat.
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They've just integrated the league.
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He's coming to us from
the Roman candle baseball
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negro leagues.
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It's a proud day for me.
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He was not very good there,
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but he is fantastic with the whites.
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I feel like Superman on Earth.
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I got powers here, baby.
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Lot of folks in the stands
not happy with the decision.
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[SOUTHERN ACCENT] Get him off the field!
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This a white man's sport!
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They'll steal our women!
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Say hello to a new day,
you white pieces of shit!
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Here comes the first pitch!
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- [ROMAN CANDLE FIRES]
- Strike one!
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- [ROMAN CANDLE FIRES]
- Strike two!
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- [ROMAN CANDLE FIRES]
- Crap!
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- [ROMAN CANDLE FIRES]
- Oh sh... Chrissy, spray him!
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Spray him, Chrissy, spray him off!
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Dumbass.
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Actually, all y'all
are a bunch of dumbasses
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- if you ask me.
- Hey, Lois.
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Hey, girl.
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Tim Cramblin, you still here?
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Hey, Lois.
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I've been working the
line next to your wife
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for the last ten years,
and every day I ask her
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when is she gonna dump your sorry ass?
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- What does she say?
- She says she's not, right?
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- [LAUGHTER]
- Hey, Sam.
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Hey, Lois.
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If you're not careful,
I'm gonna have to leave my husband
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and run away with you.
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Actually, I've got 30 seconds right now.
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You want to show me what you got?
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Oh, I'm gonna need more time than that.
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Like at least a half hour.
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[LAUGHTER]
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Yeah, that's because he
gonna have to take a dump
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before and after.
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First of all, how do you know that?
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Second, shut up.
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You want to make me?
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Do I have to?
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Don't hit her in the face, Sam.
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Actually go ahead. It might shake
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that shit back into place.
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[LAUGHTER]
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You think I enjoy working
next to you every day?
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You're like a chimney with titties!
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Yeah, old baggy ones too!
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You better look out,
Tommy Hearns will come by
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and bounce those things around like...
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[IMITATES SPEEDBAG]
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Yeah, Lois, you're no prize yourself.
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You're pretty old, you
smoke, you eat like crap,
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- Frickin' disgusting.
- Tim!
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How is that different from
what you guys were doing?
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It can't be like real, Tim.
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I see you still don't have kids.
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You still shooting blanks, Tim?
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Heck no, I'm packed full of sperm.
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They're huge too. I can feel
them inside me right now.
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Sometimes they hurt when they blast out.
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Tim, come on.
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I'm joking.
I don't know how to do it, I guess.
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? Last I heard he caught the flu
and you was worried ?
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? Hope he feels better ?
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? And thanks, Jonetta from Cleveland ?
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Hey.
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Can we have one of those?
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Oh, by all means.
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Ladies, be my guest.
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"Be my guest." You proper!
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- Excuse me?
- You talk proper.
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What do you even mean?
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The way you talk is proper.
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Proper? Shoot, girl.
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Far from it.
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- Oh, okay.
- Is this your house?
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Yeah, this the crib right here.
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This is my homegirl Jasmin,
but she got a boyfriend.
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I'm Angel, though.
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Oh, for real... oh, word?
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Word.
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I'm Sam.
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[FIREWORKS EXPLODING]
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Oooh!
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I mean, that's it? Shoot.
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I mean that last one,
though, was spectacular.
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Sam! Did you see that last one?
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- Whoa!
- [MOUTHING]
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Yo, patriotic as a muh.
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Happy Fourth of July, everybody!
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Happy Fourth, Lois.
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I love you, you little bony bitch!
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[SOFT ORGAN MUSIC]
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?
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- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
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- How you doing?
- I'm holding up.
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Hang in there, dum-dum. Love you.
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Guys, this is Elwood. He was Lois' husband.
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Oh, we're so sorry for your loss.
We loved Lois very much.
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Damn emphysema. If only I told her not
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to smoke that last cigarette.
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I don't think it was the
last cigarette that did it.
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[WHISPERED] Plus she ate like shit.
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Tim!
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Let us know if you ever need anything.
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Someone to hang out with
or just someone to talk to.
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Tomorrow.
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Huh?
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Well, let's hang out tomorrow.
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Okay.
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Yeah, that'll be nice.
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- Oh!
- Oh, no!
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What in the world?
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Move on! This was her
final wish. We respected it.
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Now just move on!
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So... waxy.
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- She looks lovely.
- Thank you.
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BOTH: Whoa!
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? Next time when they ask you
where you're from ?
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? You gonna say Detroit City ?
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? Where we get you back on your feet ?
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? Yeah ?
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Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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Good afternoon.
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Lois Warfield was a dedicated friend,
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a loving wife, and a
proud union autoworker.
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And while we mourn her loss,
let's look at the bright side.
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God's car's gonna be running
a little smoother tonight.
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[LAUGHTER]
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And trust me, you know the big man
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won't be driving an import. Amen.
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[LAUGHTER]
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It's not funny.
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They're just laughing 'cause he's a pastor.
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I know, he's capitalizing
on these people's sorrow.
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It's bull[BLEEP].
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Some of Lois' friends and family have asked
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to say a few words.
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Looking in the crowd at
the faces of all my coworkers,
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I'm gonna miss all the shit
that Lois said about you
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every single day.
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[LAUGHTER]
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I mean, Fred, with Lois
gone, who I'm gonna laugh with
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about your double chins?
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Double chins?
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That's muscle, playa.
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A lot of people thought Lois was mean,
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but I knew with every jab,
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every insult,
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it was just her way of saying
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"I love you."
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I don't know what I'm
gonna do without Lois.
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Who's gonna make my sandwich?
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Who's gonna make my bed?
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Mm? That's it?
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- Okay, then.
- That's all he's gonna say.
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And we gotta hang out
with this guy tomorrow.
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- Well, you do.
- Thank you, brother Elwood.
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- Thank you.
- No problem.
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It was a lovely service. Thank you.
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Thank you, thank you. I'm
sorry again for your loss.
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- Thank you.
- All right.
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Yeah, I just want to say
it was a beautiful service,
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but you and I both know
you wouldn't have gotten
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those laughs if you weren't a pastor.
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[SCOFFS] I'm sorry?
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Oh, it's no big deal. I don't care.
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I'm just saying you're not actually funny,
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so don't feel proud about today.
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People grieve in their own ways, son.
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- No. No.
- I just wanted to say, beautiful service.
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Oh, thank you.
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I hope you don't think you
deserved any of those laughs...
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- No, I just told him. I just told him.
- Oh, okay.
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I just gave him the heads up.
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Okay, yeah, that's the
worst kind of hack there is.
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- Beautiful service, though!
- Beautiful!
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- Thank you again, gentlemen.
- My condolences.
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- Yeah, sure.
- Okay, yeah, sure.
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Can't wait for tomorrow, Tim.
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Yeah, me neither. I'll be by then.
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And you'll stay a while?
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Yes.
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Ugh. You invited Angel to a funeral?
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Nah, she's just picking me up.
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I wanted her to see me in this suit.
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I mean, you do look good in that suit.
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Oh, and some buffs!
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Oh!
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You're ready? I'm sorry about your friend.
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00:07:39,178 --> 00:07:41,806
No, no, it's cool, it's
cool. I mean, she flown.
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00:07:42,710 --> 00:07:45,013
But I tell you what, baby,
why don't you go grab the whip.
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Uh... I gotta holla at
my... my baby right here
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about some business real quick.
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- Okay.
- All right.
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- Shut up, Tim.
- All right, then.
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- All right?
- You're gonna get busted.
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00:07:55,513 --> 00:07:57,560
I'm not gonna get busted.
I can keep this up.
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- Sam!
- Huh?
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00:07:58,681 --> 00:08:00,416
- You comin'?
- Shoot, baby,
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00:08:00,449 --> 00:08:02,208
I ain't said nothing
but a mother[BLEEP] word.
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00:08:05,869 --> 00:08:06,927
See ya, Sam.
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00:08:08,326 --> 00:08:11,329
Yeah, baby. No, oh, word? Shoot!
212
00:08:11,548 --> 00:08:12,838
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
213
00:08:13,282 --> 00:08:15,355
Yeah, yeah, no. It ain't
nothing but a thing.
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00:08:15,845 --> 00:08:18,039
All right. Yeah, I'll run through then.
215
00:08:18,783 --> 00:08:21,318
All right, peace. That was Angel.
216
00:08:21,352 --> 00:08:23,521
Yeah, I know, because of how you talked.
217
00:08:23,554 --> 00:08:24,689
Did it sound natural?
218
00:08:24,722 --> 00:08:27,161
No, you're gonna get busted.
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00:08:27,286 --> 00:08:29,810
Shoot, I'm gonna be just fine,
220
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,034
pl-pl-pep
boy.
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- Pep boy?
- Oh, no.
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00:08:33,531 --> 00:08:35,299
Uh-oh!
223
00:08:35,332 --> 00:08:37,125
See you later. I'm going to work.
224
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,283
Okay. You're gonna be all right?
225
00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:40,018
It's gonna be tough
working with someone new.
226
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:42,623
Yeah, I know, but I'm
gonna go in with an open mind.
227
00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:43,649
- Mm-hmm.
- She won't be Lois,
228
00:08:43,683 --> 00:08:45,451
but no one is.
229
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:47,307
Ah, but, Chrissy, think of how hard
230
00:08:47,307 --> 00:08:49,181
it's gonna be on your new
linemate when she finds out...
231
00:08:50,522 --> 00:08:51,522
Never mind.
232
00:08:52,075 --> 00:08:53,080
What?
233
00:08:53,295 --> 00:08:55,064
It was just a perfectly-worded slam
234
00:08:55,089 --> 00:08:56,281
that would've totally devastated you,
235
00:08:56,315 --> 00:08:58,099
but you're grieving, so...
236
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- Thank you, Sam.
- Thank you, Sam.
237
00:08:59,951 --> 00:09:01,520
- You're welcome.
- So nice of you.
238
00:09:01,553 --> 00:09:03,322
- Bye. I love you.
- Love you too.
239
00:09:07,392 --> 00:09:08,460
[DOORBELL RINGS]
240
00:09:11,663 --> 00:09:13,560
- Hey, I'm here.
- Come on in,
241
00:09:13,752 --> 00:09:14,916
I'll show you around the house.
242
00:09:14,941 --> 00:09:16,235
Okay. Sure.
243
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,336
This used to be our room.
244
00:09:24,283 --> 00:09:25,361
Pictures.
245
00:09:26,085 --> 00:09:27,150
Lamp.
246
00:09:27,752 --> 00:09:29,074
That used to be our bed.
247
00:09:30,349 --> 00:09:33,885
Sorry it's a mess, but
Lois used to make the bed.
248
00:09:34,519 --> 00:09:35,558
Now,
249
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she's gone.
250
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:41,452
Hey, I can make the bed for you, Elwood.
251
00:09:42,427 --> 00:09:43,578
You'd do that for me?
252
00:09:43,603 --> 00:09:45,159
Yeah, I'd be happy to. Yes.
253
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,160
Wow, look at you.
254
00:09:52,871 --> 00:09:54,302
You're a pro at that.
255
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:55,972
Oh, I don't know about that.
256
00:09:56,541 --> 00:09:57,484
Thank you.
257
00:09:59,034 --> 00:10:00,212
This is the kitchen.
258
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,788
Lois used to make sandwiches for me
259
00:10:02,788 --> 00:10:04,160
in here when she was alive.
260
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,988
Now she's sandwiches for worms.
261
00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:08,897
I sure am hungry.
262
00:10:10,005 --> 00:10:11,789
I can make you a sandwich, Elwood.
263
00:10:11,789 --> 00:10:13,658
Well, you were so good at making that bed.
264
00:10:13,691 --> 00:10:15,492
[LAUGHTER] Shut up.
265
00:10:18,362 --> 00:10:19,864
You're a good man, Tim.
266
00:10:19,897 --> 00:10:21,499
Yeah, well, everybody loved Lois,
267
00:10:21,532 --> 00:10:23,034
so it's no problem at all.
268
00:10:26,479 --> 00:10:28,553
What's the ETA on that sandwich?
269
00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:32,586
- It's coming.
- Like five?
270
00:10:33,319 --> 00:10:35,346
- Ten?
- Probably ten.
271
00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:36,670
Five would be better.
272
00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:38,923
Okay, yeah.
273
00:10:39,784 --> 00:10:42,453
I'll see what I can do.
Everybody loved Lois very much.
274
00:10:42,486 --> 00:10:44,755
?
275
00:10:44,789 --> 00:10:48,193
? You came into my life ?
276
00:10:49,266 --> 00:10:52,103
Oh, baby, how about "Star Century Prime"?
277
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,631
You know? I heard it just came out today,
278
00:10:53,664 --> 00:10:54,932
it looks good as mud.
279
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:56,500
No, let's just go see "Fat Bieber."
280
00:10:56,808 --> 00:10:58,301
Yeah, it does look hilarious.
281
00:10:58,302 --> 00:10:59,790
- Yeah.
- Hell yeah.
282
00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:01,859
But you know, I heard "Star Century Prime"
283
00:11:01,892 --> 00:11:04,462
is 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.
I mean that's consensus.
284
00:11:04,495 --> 00:11:07,140
Well, you know, Jasmin
saw "Fat Bieber" yesterday,
285
00:11:07,165 --> 00:11:09,801
- and she said it was real funny.
- Jasmin said that, huh?
286
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,604
Yeah, well, I guess she knows
more than Leonard Maltin.
287
00:11:12,637 --> 00:11:14,506
- Leonard Maltin!
- [LAUGHTER]
288
00:11:14,539 --> 00:11:16,575
No, you know what? Let's
go to "Fat Bieber" then.
289
00:11:16,608 --> 00:11:18,710
Shoot, we might mess
around and see two movies.
290
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,712
- You play too much.
- No.
291
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:24,850
? Whoa, baby, whoa, baby I'm coming home ?
292
00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:26,428
- ? Baby, whoa, baby ?
- Yo, Chrissy!
293
00:11:27,052 --> 00:11:28,335
Bring it in, bring it in.
294
00:11:28,335 --> 00:11:30,522
Chrissy, this is Margaret,
your new linemate.
295
00:11:30,555 --> 00:11:31,934
Margaret, this is Chrissy.
296
00:11:31,934 --> 00:11:34,637
She gonna be showing you the
ropes, all right? All right.
297
00:11:34,803 --> 00:11:36,982
- Hey, Margaret.
- Chrissy, nice to meet you.
298
00:11:37,512 --> 00:11:39,414
You check out Fred and his double chins?
299
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,650
His neck lookin' like a sideways butt.
300
00:11:41,683 --> 00:11:43,153
He was very nice to me.
301
00:11:43,405 --> 00:11:45,378
Yeah, sure, sorry.
302
00:11:45,519 --> 00:11:47,554
My old linemate and I
used to make fun of people.
303
00:11:47,579 --> 00:11:48,947
Just our way of showing love.
304
00:11:49,061 --> 00:11:50,863
Well, I was bullied as a kid,
305
00:11:50,896 --> 00:11:53,257
so that sort of thing isn't fun for me.
306
00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:56,270
- Oh, sorry.
- Kids can be so mean.
307
00:11:56,468 --> 00:11:58,871
Kids made fun of me because
my head was always in a book.
308
00:11:58,904 --> 00:12:00,973
My hairline started at my eyebrows.
309
00:12:01,006 --> 00:12:02,325
[SUPPRESSED LAUGHTER]
310
00:12:03,108 --> 00:12:04,943
That must've been very hard for you.
311
00:12:05,270 --> 00:12:06,346
It was.
312
00:12:06,371 --> 00:12:08,508
So you were like Moe
from "The Three Stooges?"
313
00:12:10,649 --> 00:12:11,620
Shit!
314
00:12:12,989 --> 00:12:16,756
Okay. Back door's locked
and I checked the crawlspace.
315
00:12:17,012 --> 00:12:18,388
Nobody in there.
316
00:12:18,651 --> 00:12:21,827
Well, Elwood, I've had a
great entire Sunday with you.
317
00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:25,497
Do you mind staying until
I fall asleep? Lois used to.
318
00:12:25,531 --> 00:12:26,865
Yeah, but she used to live here.
319
00:12:27,072 --> 00:12:28,316
And she died here.
320
00:12:28,701 --> 00:12:29,997
[SIGHS]
321
00:12:32,349 --> 00:12:34,006
I don't know how I'm
ever gonna get to sleep
322
00:12:34,039 --> 00:12:36,349
without the smell of smoke in here.
323
00:12:36,575 --> 00:12:39,611
- I'm not smoking, Elwood.
- I don't smoke.
324
00:12:41,914 --> 00:12:43,004
Nighty night.
325
00:12:46,085 --> 00:12:49,989
Oh, no! Yo, I grew up and got fat, yo!
326
00:12:50,022 --> 00:12:51,088
[LAUGHTER]
327
00:12:51,089 --> 00:12:53,250
I'm gonna have to go back
in Usher's time machine
328
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:56,195
and warn myself not to smoke weed!
329
00:12:56,228 --> 00:12:58,030
Mm-hmm! Don't you do it, Justin!
330
00:12:58,063 --> 00:12:59,665
- You smoke that kush!
- [LAUGHTER]
331
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,842
Babe, I'm trying to listen, okay?
332
00:13:01,867 --> 00:13:03,235
If we're gonna talk, we're gonna talk,
333
00:13:03,268 --> 00:13:04,733
but if we're gonna watch the
movie, let's just watch the movie.
334
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:07,234
Okay, here I go! Come on, Sammich.
335
00:13:07,234 --> 00:13:08,583
Man, that [BLEEP] fat!
336
00:13:08,739 --> 00:13:10,626
[LAUGHTER]
337
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:12,506
Let's maybe leave the
jokes to the professionals.
338
00:13:12,531 --> 00:13:13,746
Man, turn your ass around!
339
00:13:14,279 --> 00:13:15,784
[DRAMATIC CINEMATIC MUSIC]
340
00:13:15,809 --> 00:13:18,373
I will have you ejected, just so you know.
341
00:13:18,439 --> 00:13:20,080
?
342
00:13:20,113 --> 00:13:21,832
[LAUGHTER] He wild!
343
00:13:21,857 --> 00:13:24,835
- Yeah.
- Wild! Wild!
344
00:13:25,117 --> 00:13:27,721
Look at how fat he is. [LAUGHTER]
345
00:13:27,754 --> 00:13:29,923
?
346
00:13:30,168 --> 00:13:32,408
- That big ol' fat negro.
- [LAUGHTER]
347
00:13:32,473 --> 00:13:35,208
Oh! Oh, my God!
348
00:13:36,544 --> 00:13:38,813
Oh! This is amazing!
349
00:13:38,847 --> 00:13:39,929
What?
350
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,495
Uh, we smashing, you know what I mean?
351
00:13:41,528 --> 00:13:42,846
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
352
00:13:42,871 --> 00:13:43,897
[BOTH MOANING]
353
00:13:43,931 --> 00:13:46,100
Oh, yeah! Talk more to me, daddy!
354
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,002
Nah, dawg.
355
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:50,104
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
I'm putting in work!
356
00:13:50,137 --> 00:13:51,805
- I'm all up in them guts.
- Oh, no!
357
00:13:51,839 --> 00:13:53,904
- Whoa! Jesus!
- I'm sorry.
358
00:13:54,118 --> 00:13:56,420
Sam, if Dad heard you talking like that,
359
00:13:56,454 --> 00:13:57,755
he would beat your ass.
360
00:13:57,789 --> 00:13:59,439
[SCOFFS] I would knock Dad out.
361
00:13:59,912 --> 00:14:01,459
I mean, don't tell Dad.
362
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,761
Sam, I don't know why you're acting
363
00:14:03,795 --> 00:14:05,029
like somebody you're not,
364
00:14:05,062 --> 00:14:06,863
just to impress some hoochie mama.
365
00:14:07,031 --> 00:14:09,298
Chrissy! "Hoochie mama"?
366
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,478
Shame on you for judging people,
367
00:14:11,478 --> 00:14:13,371
when you yourself are
the biggest piece of shit
368
00:14:13,404 --> 00:14:14,478
I've ever seen.
369
00:14:14,503 --> 00:14:16,776
Sam, her linemate just died.
370
00:14:16,861 --> 00:14:18,543
Ah, a week ago. Gloves are off.
371
00:14:18,576 --> 00:14:20,119
She's got a new linemate. Who cares?
372
00:14:20,119 --> 00:14:22,880
But I can't say anything
to Margaret or she'll cry.
373
00:14:23,057 --> 00:14:24,159
What do you mean?
374
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:27,244
She was bullied as a kid,
so I can't say shit about her
375
00:14:27,269 --> 00:14:28,530
or anybody else.
376
00:14:28,859 --> 00:14:32,267
The other day, Fred farted
so hard his back went out.
377
00:14:32,353 --> 00:14:34,165
[LAUGHTER]
378
00:14:34,219 --> 00:14:35,556
She didn't even giggle!
379
00:14:35,556 --> 00:14:39,409
She said, "It's not
funny! He's actually hurt!"
380
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,057
[LAUGHTER]
381
00:14:42,447 --> 00:14:44,887
I'm sorry, babe. That sucks.
382
00:14:45,044 --> 00:14:47,256
He's getting workman's comp.
383
00:14:47,256 --> 00:14:49,057
[LAUGHTER]
384
00:14:49,293 --> 00:14:51,903
- See? It's funny!
- Yes!
385
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:55,859
Lunchtime.
386
00:14:56,268 --> 00:14:58,859
Mm-mm-mm! Look
at that hamper.
387
00:14:59,026 --> 00:15:02,423
You know, Lois used to do the laundry.
388
00:15:02,796 --> 00:15:05,643
Yeah, yeah, she did everything around here.
389
00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:06,937
And you know what?
390
00:15:15,976 --> 00:15:17,619
I am not Lois!
391
00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:22,030
Elwood, it's time for you to
start making your own damn bed!
392
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:23,939
It's time for you to start making
393
00:15:23,972 --> 00:15:25,358
your own damn sandwiches.
394
00:15:26,161 --> 00:15:29,650
It's not hard! Just put two pieces of bread
395
00:15:29,675 --> 00:15:31,401
around slices of meat!
396
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:33,940
- Is this it?
- No, that's a ball!
397
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:36,109
Come on, I feel like you're
getting it wrong on purpose.
398
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,226
No, I'm not! I can't do it.
399
00:15:38,226 --> 00:15:40,395
Well, then you're gonna have
to figure this shit out, man.
400
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:42,412
One day, I'll die and Chrissy
will have to figure out
401
00:15:42,445 --> 00:15:44,076
how to go on without me!
402
00:15:44,309 --> 00:15:46,147
- Maybe she could remarry.
- No!
403
00:15:46,508 --> 00:15:49,578
If your spouse dies and you
remarry, you go to Hell, man!
404
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:51,816
Sorry. Come here.
405
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,375
Good-bye, Elwood.
406
00:15:57,197 --> 00:15:58,232
You can do this.
407
00:16:00,267 --> 00:16:03,237
[FUNKY, UPBEAT MUSIC]
408
00:16:03,270 --> 00:16:10,310
?
409
00:16:13,704 --> 00:16:16,674
Margaret, I'm sorry we
got off on the wrong foot.
410
00:16:16,707 --> 00:16:18,274
But I can't work in silence every day.
411
00:16:18,274 --> 00:16:20,111
I have to talk, or I'll go crazy.
412
00:16:20,144 --> 00:16:22,289
You want to make fun of
people. I don't like bullies.
413
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:23,329
I know.
414
00:16:23,329 --> 00:16:25,781
It's because my hairline
used to start at my eyebrows.
415
00:16:25,806 --> 00:16:28,368
Oh, I know, and it
sucks that happened to you.
416
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,111
They used to say the meanest things to me.
417
00:16:30,111 --> 00:16:31,947
They used to call me "Bride of Chewbacca."
418
00:16:33,224 --> 00:16:36,252
Maybe you should tell me
what else they would call you.
419
00:16:36,252 --> 00:16:37,981
You know, to get it off of your chest.
420
00:16:38,221 --> 00:16:40,638
They used to call me
the Forehead-less Horseman.
421
00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:42,070
Assholes!
422
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:43,441
'Sup, ladies?
423
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,465
What do you think those jerks would've said
424
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:48,707
about Little Joey?
425
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,917
Oh, man, they'd probably
say something like,
426
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,303
"Little Joey's so short,
427
00:16:52,425 --> 00:16:54,821
he needs a ladder to
go down on Tinkerbell."
428
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,048
You know, like he'd have
to climb up that ladder
429
00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:58,837
to [BLEEP] out her vagina
or something like that.
430
00:16:58,837 --> 00:17:01,524
That is so mean. What do you
think they'd say about Fred?
431
00:17:01,524 --> 00:17:04,094
They'd say, "Fred's neck is so weak,
432
00:17:04,127 --> 00:17:06,287
he has to ask his tits for lunch money."
433
00:17:06,596 --> 00:17:09,566
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
434
00:17:09,782 --> 00:17:10,950
What up, y'all?
435
00:17:11,091 --> 00:17:13,086
This my man, Sam.
436
00:17:13,086 --> 00:17:14,862
Ha. 'Sup, 'sup, 'sup?
437
00:17:14,979 --> 00:17:16,800
Ooh, y'all... y'all drinkin', huh?
438
00:17:16,825 --> 00:17:18,686
Uh, let me get a Hpno.
439
00:17:18,927 --> 00:17:20,399
[LAUGHTER] You know what I'm saying?
440
00:17:20,399 --> 00:17:23,236
Yo, Sam, your pants
tight as hell, my [BLEEP]
441
00:17:23,269 --> 00:17:25,538
Yeah, that's funny you mentioned that,
442
00:17:25,571 --> 00:17:28,541
'cause this is the only pants
I had that was, uh... clean.
443
00:17:28,574 --> 00:17:31,277
I went... I bought some...
I thought I was getting these
444
00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:33,961
in a XXL, and I got home, these are medium.
445
00:17:34,028 --> 00:17:36,631
I was like, I gotta go to the store
446
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:38,533
and talk to these people face to face.
447
00:17:38,566 --> 00:17:40,902
So I went to the store, I was like, "Hey!"
448
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:43,871
Hey, my brah, uh... You gave
me the wrong size pants."
449
00:17:43,905 --> 00:17:45,706
And it was like, "Nothing
I can do for you, man."
450
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:47,747
I was like, "Really, bro?" [LAUGHS]
451
00:17:47,876 --> 00:17:50,247
And then, so I was like,
"Let me talk to your manager."
452
00:17:50,379 --> 00:17:52,581
And then the manager
came out, and it's like,
453
00:17:52,615 --> 00:17:54,984
"Nothing I can do for you.
We have no refund policy."
454
00:17:55,212 --> 00:17:57,247
So, I was like, "You about to come up
455
00:17:57,281 --> 00:17:58,751
with a refund for me, ...."
456
00:18:00,457 --> 00:18:02,319
You ever notice how some
folks say the word [BLEEP],
457
00:18:02,352 --> 00:18:03,687
it just doesn't sound right?
458
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,756
- Leave him alone, Ray.
- Okay?
459
00:18:05,789 --> 00:18:07,991
'Cause he may talk white,
but he's still cute.
460
00:18:08,025 --> 00:18:09,065
Actually, I'm sexy,
461
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,142
but I don't even really talk white, baby.
462
00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:12,935
- I don't even know...
- Sam.
463
00:18:14,447 --> 00:18:15,645
Listen to your voicemail.
464
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,883
Yello, you've reached Sam Duvet.
465
00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:20,770
You know what to do, and
that is leave a message.
466
00:18:20,813 --> 00:18:23,386
[LAUGHTER]
467
00:18:23,420 --> 00:18:25,943
"Yello, you've reached
Frasier. Leave a message."
468
00:18:26,037 --> 00:18:27,805
[LAUGHTER]
469
00:18:27,838 --> 00:18:30,374
All right! You got me!
470
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,467
I talk "proper"!
471
00:18:33,957 --> 00:18:36,691
I can't even see with
these on. So, okay. So what?
472
00:18:36,691 --> 00:18:39,915
So because I talk proper
that means I talk white?
473
00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:42,739
And then thus, to speak improperly
474
00:18:42,739 --> 00:18:45,221
means you speak black?
Are we okay with this?
475
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,751
Are we okay with this as a people? Hmm?
476
00:18:47,776 --> 00:18:49,245
[LAUGHTER]
477
00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:51,558
You know what's cool? [LAUGHTER]
478
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,675
Being your ding-dong self.
479
00:18:54,236 --> 00:18:55,365
How 'bout that?
480
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,185
Unless you are being yourselves,
481
00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:58,995
which I... you probably are,
482
00:18:58,996 --> 00:19:01,173
I don't know! I don't
care! I guess my point is...
483
00:19:01,198 --> 00:19:03,792
Is just have a good time! Cheers!
484
00:19:05,314 --> 00:19:07,416
Oh, heavens, is there
pineapple in this Hpnotiq?
485
00:19:07,449 --> 00:19:08,951
I'm allergic to pineapple!
486
00:19:08,984 --> 00:19:10,552
- [LAUGHTER]
- It's not funny!
487
00:19:10,586 --> 00:19:12,101
It's a legitimate allergy!
488
00:19:12,101 --> 00:19:15,104
I need an antihistamine or an EpiPen!
489
00:19:15,597 --> 00:19:18,193
Once I got her talking,
Margaret never stopped.
490
00:19:18,451 --> 00:19:20,630
Today was actually a pretty fun day.
491
00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:22,930
Chrissy, you just
tricked her into being mean.
492
00:19:23,826 --> 00:19:25,299
You're a bad person.
493
00:19:25,653 --> 00:19:27,655
Go eat pineapples, you fat head.
494
00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:28,783
Shut up.
495
00:19:30,324 --> 00:19:32,571
Hey, this is Sam. Leave a message.
496
00:19:33,019 --> 00:19:34,420
Why do we still have to do this?
497
00:19:34,453 --> 00:19:35,765
I thought Angel dumped you.
498
00:19:36,793 --> 00:19:40,132
You've reached Sam Duvet.
Leave your thing at the bizzay!
499
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:43,796
- Just use your regular voice.
- I'm trying!
500
00:19:44,215 --> 00:19:47,251
Hey, you've reached Slammin' Sammy Duvet!
501
00:19:47,285 --> 00:19:50,737
I'm not here right now, because
I'm out rocking the jocks!
502
00:19:51,489 --> 00:19:53,097
- There it is.
- There you go. Thank you.
503
00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:54,492
- That's all I ask.
- That's it.
504
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,027
- That one felt right.
- Use your regular voice.
505
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:57,144
- That was it.
- That's normal me.
506
00:19:57,324 --> 00:19:58,920
.
507
00:19:59,272 --> 00:20:02,241
["WAIT FOR A MOMENT" BY VULFPECK]
508
00:20:02,275 --> 00:20:05,244
[SUNNY ORGAN MELODY]
509
00:20:05,278 --> 00:20:12,251
?
510
00:20:12,285 --> 00:20:17,190
? Yeah, oh yeah ?
511
00:20:17,223 --> 00:20:18,458
[STOVETOP IGNITER CLICKING]
512
00:20:18,458 --> 00:20:21,189
No, I'm on my own now.
513
00:20:21,561 --> 00:20:23,119
I have to do this for myself.
514
00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,700
? Gone home, went to bed ?
515
00:20:26,733 --> 00:20:30,670
? While the other kids they're still outside ?
516
00:20:30,704 --> 00:20:32,039
[EXPLOSIONS]
517
00:20:32,072 --> 00:20:35,042
[SOMBER ORGAN MUSIC]
518
00:20:35,075 --> 00:20:36,961
?
519
00:20:36,961 --> 00:20:39,414
Elwood Warfield was a dedicated friend,
520
00:20:39,854 --> 00:20:40,912
a loving husband,
521
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:44,377
and though unemployed,
he made life his job,
522
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:47,798
which I guess he's now been fired from.
523
00:20:47,837 --> 00:20:49,672
[LAUGHTER]
524
00:20:49,705 --> 00:20:51,440
- It's funny.
- That's a good joke.
525
00:20:51,474 --> 00:20:52,508
- That was actually funny.
- That was pretty funny.
526
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:53,536
Damn it.
527
00:20:55,056 --> 00:20:56,840
[WHISPERED] Yep, it was good.
528
00:20:56,864 --> 00:20:59,433
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
529
00:20:59,483 --> 00:21:04,033
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37918
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