Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,859 --> 00:00:02,561
- [LAUGHTER]
- "Pony" by Ginuwine comes on,
2
00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:04,730
and Sam walks straight
to the middle of the room,
3
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:06,400
clears a big circle,
4
00:00:06,466 --> 00:00:08,229
won't let anybody else dance...
5
00:00:08,254 --> 00:00:09,588
I drop down to the ground
6
00:00:09,654 --> 00:00:10,955
and start doing the worm.
7
00:00:11,022 --> 00:00:13,758
And boom! My pants split wide open.
8
00:00:13,825 --> 00:00:17,109
No underwear! Butt everywhere!
9
00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:18,830
Man, it was so bad,
10
00:00:18,897 --> 00:00:20,632
the principal had to give Sam his pants.
11
00:00:20,698 --> 00:00:22,467
- [LAUGHTER]
- I still have 'em.
12
00:00:22,534 --> 00:00:24,235
- You do?
- They fit! They fit!
13
00:00:24,302 --> 00:00:27,338
[LAUGHTER]
14
00:00:27,405 --> 00:00:28,873
Well, I have a funny prom story.
15
00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:30,440
- Yes!
- Okay, okay.
16
00:00:30,479 --> 00:00:33,104
So our theme was Under the Sea.
17
00:00:33,344 --> 00:00:36,641
Except they put stars on the ceiling.
18
00:00:37,077 --> 00:00:39,204
Well why would there
be stars on the ceiling
19
00:00:39,204 --> 00:00:41,540
if we're under the sea?!
20
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,877
[LAUGHING]
21
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,211
Who does that, you know?
22
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:46,479
Uh, yeah.
23
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:47,714
I guess there wouldn't be...
24
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,812
- No.
- Ha, ha!
25
00:00:49,991 --> 00:00:52,431
Ah, man, hilarious.
26
00:00:52,947 --> 00:00:55,282
Then I was voted prom
queen, so, you know, so dumb.
27
00:00:55,307 --> 00:00:58,466
- Congratulations.
- Thank you so much.
28
00:00:58,900 --> 00:00:59,943
I love your hair.
29
00:00:59,968 --> 00:01:01,669
Oh, thank you.
30
00:01:01,736 --> 00:01:04,439
Yeah, Chrissy does YouTube hair tutorials.
31
00:01:04,505 --> 00:01:05,673
They're pretty popular.
32
00:01:05,740 --> 00:01:07,375
Oh, I love YouTube!
33
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,363
Yeah, I have lots of videos on there
34
00:01:09,388 --> 00:01:11,290
of me singing gospel songs.
35
00:01:11,356 --> 00:01:12,958
So many views, it's embarrassing.
36
00:01:13,024 --> 00:01:14,493
- So dumb.
- Totally.
37
00:01:14,559 --> 00:01:15,660
And now it's time for Mort Crim's
38
00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:16,966
Chump of the Week.
39
00:01:16,966 --> 00:01:19,264
- Oh, here comes Chump.
- There we go! Morty!
40
00:01:19,331 --> 00:01:22,396
This week's chump is my
son's best friend Tucker.
41
00:01:22,822 --> 00:01:24,955
If you're coming to someone's
house for a sleepover,
42
00:01:24,955 --> 00:01:26,675
you don't get a nosebleed.
43
00:01:26,991 --> 00:01:29,360
That's all my stuff
you bled on, Tucker.
44
00:01:29,427 --> 00:01:30,861
Classic Chump.
45
00:01:30,928 --> 00:01:33,194
Up next, watersports and weather.
46
00:01:33,664 --> 00:01:35,399
? If you want to save money... ?
47
00:01:35,466 --> 00:01:37,381
Oh, I love this commercial.
48
00:01:37,444 --> 00:01:39,103
Well, it's one of ours.
49
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:40,971
You know that's Sam singing, right?
50
00:01:41,038 --> 00:01:42,373
Really?
51
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,341
- You're so cute.
- Eh, actually I'm sexy.
52
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,876
? Dime after dime ?
53
00:01:45,943 --> 00:01:48,512
? It's an undeniable fact ?
54
00:01:48,579 --> 00:01:53,250
? And it's always bargain
time at Farmer Zack's ?
55
00:01:53,317 --> 00:01:56,053
? You get your nickels back ?
56
00:01:56,120 --> 00:02:01,392
? And it's always bargain
time at Farmer Zack's ?
57
00:02:01,459 --> 00:02:02,700
Who is that you're singing with?
58
00:02:03,761 --> 00:02:05,329
Uh, you know,
59
00:02:05,396 --> 00:02:07,064
I don't quite remember.
60
00:02:07,131 --> 00:02:08,986
Something like that kind of
is, like, can slip the mind.
61
00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:10,768
Sam, that's Molly.
62
00:02:10,835 --> 00:02:14,136
Is it, Chrissy? What a
fantastic memory you have.
63
00:02:14,326 --> 00:02:16,407
Yeah, we've been doing Sudoku puzzles
64
00:02:16,474 --> 00:02:18,509
so we don't go nuts when we're old people.
65
00:02:18,576 --> 00:02:20,711
? And it's always bargain
time at Farmer Zack's ?
66
00:02:20,778 --> 00:02:21,912
Who's... who's Molly?
67
00:02:21,979 --> 00:02:23,447
? Farmer Zack's ?
68
00:02:23,514 --> 00:02:24,482
Just an acquaintance.
69
00:02:24,548 --> 00:02:25,816
An acquaintance?
70
00:02:25,883 --> 00:02:28,261
You used to call her your soulmate.
71
00:02:28,986 --> 00:02:30,388
Ex-girlfriend.
72
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:33,038
I guess that's why you
guys sound so passionate.
73
00:02:33,582 --> 00:02:35,192
Ah, it's just a commercial, babe.
74
00:02:35,259 --> 00:02:36,994
Who cares? I mean, it's not like I came.
75
00:02:37,061 --> 00:02:38,262
- Ohhhh, man!
- Sam!
76
00:02:38,329 --> 00:02:39,836
What? I said I didn't come.
77
00:02:39,861 --> 00:02:41,938
I don't normally comment
on the commercials,
78
00:02:42,024 --> 00:02:44,100
but that grocery store commercial
79
00:02:44,168 --> 00:02:45,870
makes me just a little horny.
80
00:02:46,804 --> 00:02:47,972
? Next time ?
81
00:02:48,039 --> 00:02:49,273
? When they ask you ?
82
00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:51,208
? Where you're from ?
83
00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:53,010
? You gon' say Detroit city ?
84
00:02:53,077 --> 00:02:56,451
? When we get back on our feet, yeah ?
85
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,717
Synced and corrected by
louvette www.addic7ed.com
86
00:02:58,816 --> 00:03:01,786
[SMOOTH MUSIC]
87
00:03:01,852 --> 00:03:03,214
Yes, sir.
88
00:03:03,454 --> 00:03:06,357
?
89
00:03:06,424 --> 00:03:08,159
Ho, ho, shit!
90
00:03:08,225 --> 00:03:09,903
[LAUGHING]
91
00:03:10,294 --> 00:03:13,497
Yeah, that is it right there!
92
00:03:14,118 --> 00:03:15,161
Mm.
93
00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:18,202
Oh, uh, can I... Can I get a Whopper?
94
00:03:18,269 --> 00:03:20,498
The hell's that? Is that some kind of joke?
95
00:03:20,523 --> 00:03:21,742
Yeah, of course it's a joke.
96
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:23,302
I think it's funnier than you do, actually.
97
00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:25,371
Well, Tim, I had this great idea.
98
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:26,573
It's just... it kind of made me laugh.
99
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,408
I was like, what if...
100
00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:31,411
Get this... we re-recorded
the Farmer Zack jingle
101
00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,009
with me and Shannon singing?
102
00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:34,422
Ugh.
103
00:03:34,578 --> 00:03:36,327
Shannon's jealous 'cause
it's you and Molly.
104
00:03:36,397 --> 00:03:38,762
No. Shannon didn't even mention it once.
105
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:40,182
Yet.
106
00:03:40,182 --> 00:03:41,754
But man, it's so awkward, you know.
107
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:42,922
It comes on all the time.
108
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:44,157
So let's re-record it.
109
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,196
Sam, people love that jingle.
110
00:03:46,196 --> 00:03:47,794
Yeah, but they'll love the new jingle
111
00:03:47,819 --> 00:03:48,906
even more.
112
00:03:48,947 --> 00:03:50,017
Plus,
113
00:03:50,017 --> 00:03:51,249
Shannon's a professional singer,
114
00:03:51,316 --> 00:03:52,317
she's my girlfriend,
115
00:03:52,384 --> 00:03:53,562
and we're doing it, so...
116
00:03:53,664 --> 00:03:54,985
Yeah, you know what? Fine.
117
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,589
But it's only because I want
you and Shannon to be happy.
118
00:03:58,140 --> 00:03:59,167
Thank you, buddy.
119
00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:00,610
But tell me this, my friend...
120
00:04:03,595 --> 00:04:04,663
How's the sex?
121
00:04:04,730 --> 00:04:05,864
We don't have to do that.
122
00:04:05,931 --> 00:04:07,065
I'm sorry. I apologize.
123
00:04:07,132 --> 00:04:08,333
- It's a joke.
- Okay.
124
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,668
- It's all part of the...
- I mean...
125
00:04:09,735 --> 00:04:10,768
Yeah.
126
00:04:11,636 --> 00:04:13,383
Crap, now I'm picturing you pumping.
127
00:04:14,490 --> 00:04:15,974
Now I'm picturing you pumping.
128
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,117
For the life of me,
I can't understand,
129
00:04:25,183 --> 00:04:26,676
why would you steal Kotex?
130
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,482
Do you even know what they are?
131
00:04:28,795 --> 00:04:29,857
Look at me!
132
00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,656
Do you know what my daddy
would do if he found me
133
00:04:31,723 --> 00:04:33,058
stealing some Kotex?
134
00:04:33,125 --> 00:04:35,293
He would beat my black ass.
135
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,661
You better look at me. I ain't playin'.
136
00:04:36,728 --> 00:04:38,096
I'll put my foot so deep in your ass
137
00:04:38,163 --> 00:04:39,931
you'll be walking on my knees.
138
00:04:39,998 --> 00:04:41,533
Tomata, you're banned from the store.
139
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,162
Now get your ass outta here!
140
00:04:44,830 --> 00:04:46,338
Better take that look off you...
141
00:04:46,405 --> 00:04:47,939
You take that look off your face.
142
00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:49,851
- You can't steal, buddy.
- Ooh! Sam!
143
00:04:50,554 --> 00:04:52,538
Hey, guys. What can I do you for?
144
00:04:53,022 --> 00:04:55,013
Randy, we think it's about time
145
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,782
you update that commercial of yours.
146
00:04:56,848 --> 00:04:58,784
Are you crazy? People love that commercial.
147
00:04:59,244 --> 00:05:01,272
Yes, they love it. But it's outdated.
148
00:05:01,319 --> 00:05:02,754
Yeah, times are changing,
149
00:05:02,821 --> 00:05:04,656
and people want a grocery
store that changes with them.
150
00:05:04,723 --> 00:05:06,068
Let's walk! Tell me what
you're talking about.
151
00:05:06,093 --> 00:05:07,133
Let's walk, let's walk.
152
00:05:07,693 --> 00:05:09,161
You got to check, because
they be stealing the toys
153
00:05:09,227 --> 00:05:10,629
in here, you know what I'm sayin'?
154
00:05:10,696 --> 00:05:11,830
You put little ski masks in there,
155
00:05:11,897 --> 00:05:13,196
you know what I'm sayin'?
156
00:05:13,221 --> 00:05:14,866
Chocolate Duke, baby.
You can't... [CHUCKLES]
157
00:05:14,933 --> 00:05:16,702
Yeah, well it's just Count Chocula.
158
00:05:16,768 --> 00:05:17,803
Hmm?
159
00:05:17,869 --> 00:05:19,268
Randy, we were thinking,
160
00:05:19,268 --> 00:05:22,360
for the new commercial, we
could update the song, uh,
161
00:05:22,385 --> 00:05:24,376
with different prices for the holidays,
162
00:05:24,401 --> 00:05:27,325
like, uh, "for the 4th of July,
163
00:05:27,350 --> 00:05:29,330
hot dogs are 2.99."
164
00:05:29,373 --> 00:05:31,264
That price just blew my mind..."
165
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,326
Mike!
166
00:05:32,910 --> 00:05:34,444
Don't squeeze the melons like that, man,
167
00:05:34,511 --> 00:05:35,779
I can smell your fingers on it!
168
00:05:35,846 --> 00:05:37,047
I don't do that anymore.
169
00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:38,810
I'm lookin' at ya, man.
170
00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:40,288
No, I'm looking at 'em to buy.
171
00:05:41,018 --> 00:05:43,185
Oh, I'm sorry, man. My apologies, man.
172
00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:44,811
Tsunami of apologies to you.
173
00:05:45,956 --> 00:05:47,791
Okay, that's fine. You can update the song,
174
00:05:47,858 --> 00:05:50,671
but we gotta do something
with this goddamn character.
175
00:05:50,671 --> 00:05:52,062
- Yes.
- We gotta update him,
176
00:05:52,129 --> 00:05:53,363
you know what I'm sayin'?
177
00:05:53,388 --> 00:05:54,436
We need to get rid of this hat,
178
00:05:54,461 --> 00:05:56,234
give him some black shades, and a...
179
00:05:56,259 --> 00:05:58,068
Like a black shirt,
let his muscles pop out.
180
00:05:58,338 --> 00:06:01,284
You want Farmer Zack to lose the straw hat
181
00:06:01,284 --> 00:06:02,774
and have a tight black shirt?
182
00:06:03,674 --> 00:06:05,208
- That's it.
- Yeah.
183
00:06:05,275 --> 00:06:06,777
Yeah, we could do that, though.
184
00:06:06,843 --> 00:06:08,045
That's what I mean. Mike!
185
00:06:08,559 --> 00:06:09,813
What you doing, man?!
186
00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:13,312
- He just had his dick in a melon.
- Oh.
187
00:06:13,397 --> 00:06:15,097
He's got his dick in a melon!
188
00:06:16,353 --> 00:06:17,788
Oh, she's buying the dick melon.
189
00:06:17,854 --> 00:06:19,256
- She's buying the dick... ma'am!
- Ma'am!
190
00:06:19,323 --> 00:06:20,524
- Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am!
- Ma'am!
191
00:06:20,591 --> 00:06:21,658
A man had his penis in that.
192
00:06:21,725 --> 00:06:22,960
I'll get you a new one.
193
00:06:24,604 --> 00:06:26,042
_
194
00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,395
Mm-hmm.
195
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:29,474
_
196
00:06:29,499 --> 00:06:30,545
[SIGHS]
197
00:06:32,836 --> 00:06:34,872
- Oh, babe.
- Hm?
198
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,873
- Got some exciting news.
- What?
199
00:06:37,026 --> 00:06:39,862
We just hired an amazing gospel singer
200
00:06:40,130 --> 00:06:43,079
to sing the new and improved
Farmer Zack's jingle.
201
00:06:45,708 --> 00:06:47,351
Is it that raggedy bitch Bebe Jenkins?
202
00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:49,853
Oh, no, babe, uh, it's...
I was talking about you.
203
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:51,186
Just trying to be sweet. It's you.
204
00:06:51,186 --> 00:06:52,279
Oh, my God!
205
00:06:52,689 --> 00:06:55,359
Oh, my... that'll be so much fun.
206
00:06:55,928 --> 00:06:57,086
Babe, you're the cutest.
207
00:06:57,086 --> 00:06:58,309
Ah, actually I'm the sexiest.
208
00:06:58,309 --> 00:06:59,863
But yeah, we can re-record the jingle
209
00:06:59,930 --> 00:07:01,186
and never hear the old one again.
210
00:07:01,665 --> 00:07:03,634
Good. Because you acted so weird
211
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,078
when it came on the other day.
212
00:07:06,003 --> 00:07:07,704
Sam, I'm not bothered
213
00:07:07,771 --> 00:07:10,501
by you and your ex being so sexual,
214
00:07:10,501 --> 00:07:11,488
'cause...
215
00:07:12,977 --> 00:07:14,512
we can be sexual, too.
216
00:07:14,570 --> 00:07:17,205
- Oh.
- And not just in the studios.
217
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:18,236
Yeah.
218
00:07:19,401 --> 00:07:20,396
Goodnight.
219
00:07:21,955 --> 00:07:23,845
Hey, YouTubers, it's your girl
220
00:07:23,846 --> 00:07:25,198
Chrissy-Cross comin' at you
221
00:07:25,198 --> 00:07:26,507
with that new hotness...
222
00:07:26,894 --> 00:07:29,130
A natural hair up-do.
223
00:07:29,424 --> 00:07:31,466
Just follow the steps in this tutorial,
224
00:07:31,532 --> 00:07:33,501
put on a dress that shows off your figure,
225
00:07:33,568 --> 00:07:35,436
and get out of the house!
226
00:07:35,503 --> 00:07:36,753
Why are you talking like that?
227
00:07:36,754 --> 00:07:38,537
Dang it, Tim. Get out of the shot.
228
00:07:40,049 --> 00:07:42,127
Sam is gonna re-record
the Farmer Zack's jingle
229
00:07:42,193 --> 00:07:43,161
with Shannon.
230
00:07:43,228 --> 00:07:44,427
- Really?
- Mm-mh.
231
00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:46,394
Sam and Molly had such good chemistry
232
00:07:46,419 --> 00:07:47,614
in that song.
233
00:07:47,747 --> 00:07:49,834
- And no offense to Shannon...
- None taken.
234
00:07:49,901 --> 00:07:50,969
But it just won't be the same.
235
00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:52,237
- I know.
- I mean,
236
00:07:52,303 --> 00:07:53,638
she's a perfectly nice girl.
237
00:07:53,705 --> 00:07:55,406
- Perfectly nice.
- But you can tell
238
00:07:55,473 --> 00:07:57,262
when two people just
aren't right for each other,
239
00:07:57,315 --> 00:07:59,087
Yeah. When Sam's around her,
240
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,845
he's completely lost his star factor.
241
00:08:01,495 --> 00:08:03,143
- What?
- His star factor.
242
00:08:03,168 --> 00:08:05,214
That special something
that makes you go from
243
00:08:05,239 --> 00:08:07,672
a face in the crowd to a face in lights.
244
00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:09,769
- You gonna tell him?
- No.
245
00:08:09,794 --> 00:08:11,356
I'm gonna pretend to be supportive.
246
00:08:11,871 --> 00:08:13,124
Good for you.
247
00:08:13,277 --> 00:08:15,317
Now get out of here. I'm making a tutorial.
248
00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:18,251
And don't cross through in the background.
249
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:20,131
Why not?
250
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,004
'Cause when you do,
251
00:08:22,176 --> 00:08:24,202
people in the comments section roast you.
252
00:08:24,683 --> 00:08:25,937
I mean, they light you up.
253
00:08:26,378 --> 00:08:29,409
[SCOFFS] Like I care what
people who watch your tutorials
254
00:08:29,434 --> 00:08:30,675
say about me.
255
00:08:30,929 --> 00:08:32,043
What is one?
256
00:08:33,885 --> 00:08:36,154
"When did Chucky grow up and get ugly?"
257
00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:38,314
Chucky grow up to get ugly?!
258
00:08:38,381 --> 00:08:40,377
Chucky's ugly as a boy!
259
00:08:40,377 --> 00:08:42,026
Bad logic. Next.
260
00:08:42,051 --> 00:08:43,061
[SIGHS]
261
00:08:43,553 --> 00:08:45,257
"Look like the McRib is back."
262
00:08:45,454 --> 00:08:47,456
[SPUTTERING] How am I a McRib?!
263
00:08:47,523 --> 00:08:50,226
I'm a man with a big old hog!
264
00:08:50,293 --> 00:08:52,495
Put that in the video! I... I don't care.
265
00:08:52,562 --> 00:08:55,131
Ha, ha, that's... I don't care.
266
00:08:55,156 --> 00:08:56,145
Okay, then.
267
00:08:58,835 --> 00:09:00,536
Hey, YouTubers, it's your girl,
268
00:09:00,603 --> 00:09:02,004
Chrissy Cross, coming to...
269
00:09:02,071 --> 00:09:03,172
What you got to say about this right here?
270
00:09:03,197 --> 00:09:04,447
Tim, no!
271
00:09:04,488 --> 00:09:09,142
BOTH: ? And it's always
bargain time at Farmer Zack's ?
272
00:09:09,196 --> 00:09:11,986
? You'll get your nickels back ?
273
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:16,937
BOTH: ? Yeah, it's always
bargain time at Farmer Zack's ?
274
00:09:17,003 --> 00:09:20,474
? Farmer Zaaaa... ?
275
00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:22,373
? Aaaack's ?
276
00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:26,113
? Oh, yeah, yeah ?
277
00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:27,814
? Yeah ? Whoo!
278
00:09:27,881 --> 00:09:29,516
In His name. How was that?
279
00:09:29,583 --> 00:09:30,684
That was great, babe.
280
00:09:30,751 --> 00:09:32,134
- Good?
- Great job!
281
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,048
Great job.
282
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,421
That wasn't sexy.
283
00:09:36,421 --> 00:09:37,756
Not at all.
284
00:09:38,191 --> 00:09:39,960
It was like feeling up a girl
285
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:41,328
and there's turds in her bra.
286
00:09:41,395 --> 00:09:43,831
Turds in her bra? Why would
she have turds in her bra?
287
00:09:44,907 --> 00:09:46,535
It's a prank, idiot.
288
00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,058
Ugh.
289
00:09:48,058 --> 00:09:50,560
? Farmer Zaaaa... ?
290
00:09:50,627 --> 00:09:52,846
? Aaaack's ?
291
00:09:55,932 --> 00:09:57,347
I don't like it, guys.
292
00:09:57,701 --> 00:09:58,986
It's not making me horny.
293
00:09:59,336 --> 00:10:01,037
- I'm sorry?
- It didn't give me wood.
294
00:10:01,104 --> 00:10:04,674
Look. No wood. Flat as a board. You know?
295
00:10:05,096 --> 00:10:07,023
Well, that's a piss dot right there.
296
00:10:07,577 --> 00:10:09,980
Sometimes when I urine, I
don't stop it all the way.
297
00:10:10,046 --> 00:10:12,223
And, you know, it comes out on my clothes.
298
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,798
I mean, I don't know what you guys did.
299
00:10:14,863 --> 00:10:16,119
You did something different, but...
300
00:10:16,186 --> 00:10:18,221
Well, actually, we brought
in a professional singer.
301
00:10:18,411 --> 00:10:20,205
Mm-mm. Bring back that nice lady.
302
00:10:20,457 --> 00:10:22,259
- What's her name?
- Molly.
303
00:10:22,325 --> 00:10:24,594
Yeah. About this farmer thing.
304
00:10:24,661 --> 00:10:26,429
Yeah, we gave him the tight black shirt,
305
00:10:26,496 --> 00:10:28,064
and we gave him the cool sunglasses.
306
00:10:28,514 --> 00:10:30,567
Good. But you know what I'm thinking?
307
00:10:30,634 --> 00:10:31,792
Leather pants.
308
00:10:32,369 --> 00:10:35,172
Farmer Zack's gonna wear leather pants?
309
00:10:35,172 --> 00:10:36,201
And...
310
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:38,546
a black trench coat.
311
00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:41,004
Yeah, we can do all that.
312
00:10:41,029 --> 00:10:42,068
Thanks, guys.
313
00:10:42,529 --> 00:10:43,990
Well, this sucks.
314
00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:45,848
I mean, re-recording the
song with my ex-girlfriend's
315
00:10:45,873 --> 00:10:47,308
gonna be much more awkward.
316
00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:48,600
Yeah, I completely agree.
317
00:10:48,718 --> 00:10:50,220
I mean, the Shannon and me version
318
00:10:50,286 --> 00:10:51,921
is better than the Molly and me version.
319
00:10:51,988 --> 00:10:53,957
- Technically.
- Yeah, technically.
320
00:10:54,023 --> 00:10:56,626
I just Randy's probably
just coming from a place
321
00:10:56,693 --> 00:10:58,661
where he feels the other
version was more fun.
322
00:10:58,728 --> 00:10:59,836
Yeah, I see that.
323
00:10:59,836 --> 00:11:01,798
But the version with Shannon was great.
324
00:11:01,865 --> 00:11:03,900
- [TOGETHER] Technically.
- Technically it is.
325
00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:05,317
- Technically.
- Technically.
326
00:11:05,902 --> 00:11:09,305
[GROOVY MUSIC]
327
00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:10,337
Hey, pig.
328
00:11:11,307 --> 00:11:12,742
Get ourselves some lettuce and tomato,
329
00:11:12,809 --> 00:11:14,911
and we got ourselves a BLT.
330
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:17,180
Careful. Before I turn this body cam off
331
00:11:17,247 --> 00:11:18,831
and go to town on your ass.
332
00:11:18,856 --> 00:11:20,250
You ain't wearing a body cam.
333
00:11:20,316 --> 00:11:21,317
Whoops.
334
00:11:21,384 --> 00:11:23,486
[LAUGHTER]
335
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,567
There she is. How are you, Molly?
336
00:11:25,592 --> 00:11:27,057
- Hey, good.
- Great to see you.
337
00:11:27,123 --> 00:11:28,771
- Good to see you too, Tim.
- Yeah.
338
00:11:29,259 --> 00:11:30,627
Sam, you're looking well.
339
00:11:30,693 --> 00:11:32,028
And sexy, I know.
340
00:11:32,095 --> 00:11:33,296
Molly, I need to talk to you.
341
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:34,735
I'll give you some space.
342
00:11:36,205 --> 00:11:39,699
Molly, we're shooting a new
Farmer Zack's commercial.
343
00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:42,415
And we need you to sing the jingle again.
344
00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:45,408
- With you?
- Yeah, with me.
345
00:11:45,475 --> 00:11:46,643
Like last time?
346
00:11:46,709 --> 00:11:47,644
Hey, babe.
347
00:11:47,710 --> 00:11:48,745
Like last time.
348
00:11:48,812 --> 00:11:50,313
My name is Tim.
349
00:11:50,686 --> 00:11:52,449
Well, I ain't seen anything pretty as you
350
00:11:52,515 --> 00:11:53,583
in about a minute or two.
351
00:11:53,650 --> 00:11:56,086
[CHUCKLES] Doubt it.
352
00:11:56,111 --> 00:11:57,376
Shut up. Sorry, Tim.
353
00:11:57,401 --> 00:11:59,489
It's fine. I actually need this right now.
354
00:11:59,556 --> 00:12:01,591
Somebody called me Chucky on the Internet.
355
00:12:01,951 --> 00:12:03,693
Like a handsome version of Chucky?
356
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,992
[LAUGHS] You. Shut up.
357
00:12:07,230 --> 00:12:08,465
[GIGGLING]
358
00:12:08,531 --> 00:12:11,134
Sam, the last time we sang that song,
359
00:12:11,201 --> 00:12:12,368
we were in love.
360
00:12:12,435 --> 00:12:14,314
Yeah, we almost got engaged.
361
00:12:14,773 --> 00:12:16,206
I put a ring in a piece of cake.
362
00:12:16,272 --> 00:12:17,497
I ate the cake.
363
00:12:17,741 --> 00:12:19,509
And then, when we went through your stool,
364
00:12:20,061 --> 00:12:21,585
there were two diamond rings in there.
365
00:12:22,157 --> 00:12:23,823
That's how I knew you were cheating on me.
366
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:26,616
Sam, I'm still so sorry about that.
367
00:12:26,683 --> 00:12:28,351
We don't have to go down that road.
368
00:12:28,418 --> 00:12:30,553
Just... re-record the
jingle with me, okay?
369
00:12:30,972 --> 00:12:32,058
Yeah, sure.
370
00:12:32,555 --> 00:12:33,890
I figure I owe you one.
371
00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:36,432
Molly? Can I get your set of keys?
372
00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:37,601
He wants to get let out of there.
373
00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:38,746
He wants to get a better look at my body.
374
00:12:38,746 --> 00:12:40,604
No! He murdered someone.
375
00:12:41,035 --> 00:12:42,192
Ricky!
376
00:12:42,246 --> 00:12:45,589
? It's bargain time at Farmer Zack's ?
377
00:12:45,781 --> 00:12:49,318
[GIGGLES] ? Farmer Zack's ?
378
00:12:49,385 --> 00:12:51,020
- It's just so catchy.
- [MUMBLING]
379
00:12:51,086 --> 00:12:52,922
? If you wanna save money... ?
380
00:12:52,988 --> 00:12:54,790
Maybe that's enough singing for tonight.
381
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,446
Hey, YouTubers, it's
that Chrissy-Issy-Issy
382
00:12:57,471 --> 00:12:59,607
coming at you with
another hairstyle...
383
00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:02,131
"I love your tutorials,
384
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,590
but your husband's not hot enough for you."
385
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:04,765
Disagree.
386
00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:07,564
"Gross husband." Disagree.
387
00:13:07,589 --> 00:13:09,071
"This girl's married to the Penguin."
388
00:13:09,138 --> 00:13:10,840
No, she's not! Disagree!
389
00:13:10,906 --> 00:13:13,542
"Watch out, Chrissy, there's
a fat ghost in your room."
390
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:14,643
Bullshit!
391
00:13:14,864 --> 00:13:16,053
[EXHALES]
392
00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:17,654
[GRUNTS]
393
00:13:19,516 --> 00:13:22,074
Listen up, society.
394
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,553
You are now ordered
395
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:26,689
to cease and desist the teasing
396
00:13:26,755 --> 00:13:28,958
of one Tim Cramblin.
397
00:13:29,024 --> 00:13:31,923
We are the agents of chaos.
398
00:13:32,361 --> 00:13:35,130
Stop teasing him!
399
00:13:36,028 --> 00:13:37,700
Tim, you clogged the toilet again.
400
00:13:37,766 --> 00:13:38,843
As if.
401
00:13:39,017 --> 00:13:41,653
Stop putting baby wipes in the toilet.
402
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:42,888
- Shut up.
- What?
403
00:13:42,954 --> 00:13:44,442
Nothing. Sorry, sweetheart.
404
00:13:45,054 --> 00:13:47,759
Yeah. I love the trench coat,
405
00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,024
the tight muscle shirt,
406
00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:50,357
the leather pants...
407
00:13:50,424 --> 00:13:52,264
Oh, the shades, the shades.
408
00:13:52,856 --> 00:13:55,932
Yeah. You know what'd be really cool?
409
00:13:56,075 --> 00:13:58,012
If we made him black.
410
00:13:58,294 --> 00:13:59,365
Yeah.
411
00:13:59,365 --> 00:14:01,300
Hell yes! And you know what?
412
00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,228
I wouldn't be mad if he had a sword.
413
00:14:04,055 --> 00:14:05,723
Yeah, but Tim, what if Molly and I
414
00:14:05,790 --> 00:14:07,886
reach the same depths of
sexuality as last time?
415
00:14:07,886 --> 00:14:09,320
I mean, that would be cheating, right?
416
00:14:09,387 --> 00:14:10,889
Yeah, it would, but you'll be fine.
417
00:14:10,955 --> 00:14:12,857
I mean, I dressed down
to look less attractive.
418
00:14:12,924 --> 00:14:14,159
Sorry, bud.
419
00:14:14,225 --> 00:14:15,627
You look like a friggin' smoke show.
420
00:14:15,693 --> 00:14:17,219
I know. I'm a hot piece of ass.
421
00:14:17,244 --> 00:14:18,429
- Perfect ten.
- Mm-hmm.
422
00:14:18,496 --> 00:14:19,731
Girls want to bang me,
and guys want to be me
423
00:14:19,756 --> 00:14:20,757
being banged by them.
424
00:14:20,782 --> 00:14:21,750
Sucks.
425
00:14:21,775 --> 00:14:22,876
Maybe I shouldn't do this.
426
00:14:23,228 --> 00:14:25,203
Calm down. It's just Molly.
427
00:14:25,270 --> 00:14:26,504
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
428
00:14:26,571 --> 00:14:28,473
[SENSUAL JAZZ MUSIC]
429
00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:31,476
? Some women can make a man ?
430
00:14:31,543 --> 00:14:32,677
?
431
00:14:32,744 --> 00:14:36,481
? A very good wife ?
432
00:14:36,548 --> 00:14:39,584
? But let me tell you, crooked woman's ?
433
00:14:39,651 --> 00:14:42,821
? Not worth the sacrifice ?
434
00:14:42,887 --> 00:14:49,427
?
435
00:14:49,494 --> 00:14:53,198
? Oh well, I don't want no ?
436
00:14:53,264 --> 00:14:54,632
? Crooked wom...
437
00:14:54,699 --> 00:14:55,783
Hi, Sam.
438
00:14:56,298 --> 00:14:57,936
Hey, Molly. You look great.
439
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:00,405
Thanks. I was in a prostitution sting.
440
00:15:00,676 --> 00:15:01,689
High-end.
441
00:15:02,373 --> 00:15:04,008
Well, I bet you got a lot of offers
442
00:15:04,075 --> 00:15:06,311
for HJs or BJs or whatever's
else was on the menu.
443
00:15:06,336 --> 00:15:07,369
I bet they wanted it all.
444
00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:09,072
Who cares? Molly, come on. Let's do this.
445
00:15:10,872 --> 00:15:14,462
Okay, you two. Make love to my ears.
446
00:15:14,977 --> 00:15:18,581
Bareback, baby. No Jimmy. Raw dog.
447
00:15:20,549 --> 00:15:23,752
[PIANO MUSIC]
448
00:15:23,819 --> 00:15:25,200
? If you w...
449
00:15:25,454 --> 00:15:26,388
Sorry, I, uh...
450
00:15:26,455 --> 00:15:27,633
- [LAUGHING]
- Can you start over?
451
00:15:27,990 --> 00:15:29,291
You came in a little late there.
452
00:15:29,358 --> 00:15:30,959
- Yeah, I did.
- [LAUGHING]
453
00:15:31,026 --> 00:15:32,728
Oh, my God, super cute.
454
00:15:32,794 --> 00:15:35,364
Let's do it again, okay?
Raw dog. No raincoat.
455
00:15:35,683 --> 00:15:37,107
Sam, I like your outfit.
456
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:39,413
You look sexy.
457
00:15:40,269 --> 00:15:42,638
? If you want to save money ?
458
00:15:42,704 --> 00:15:45,207
? More than just some of the time ?
459
00:15:45,274 --> 00:15:47,643
? It's an undeniable fact ?
460
00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:52,581
? If you want to save dollars
dime after dime after dime ?
461
00:15:52,648 --> 00:15:55,117
? It's an undeniable fact ?
462
00:15:55,183 --> 00:15:59,855
BOTH: ? And it's always
bargain time at Farmer Zack's ?
463
00:15:59,921 --> 00:16:02,557
? You get your nickels back ?
464
00:16:02,624 --> 00:16:07,429
BOTH: ? And it's always
bargain time at Farmer Zack's ?
465
00:16:07,496 --> 00:16:10,832
? Farmer Zack's ?
466
00:16:10,899 --> 00:16:12,301
? Cupid's got a secret ?
467
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:14,937
? Chocolates just 10.99 ?
468
00:16:15,003 --> 00:16:17,773
? Perfect for your Valentine ?
469
00:16:17,839 --> 00:16:19,908
? For your romantic dinner ?
470
00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:22,544
? Bring home a bottle of wine ?
471
00:16:22,611 --> 00:16:25,080
? You'll have a really good time ?
472
00:16:25,147 --> 00:16:29,952
BOTH: ? And it's always
bargain time at Farmer Zack's ?
473
00:16:30,018 --> 00:16:33,021
? Farmer Zack's ?
474
00:16:33,088 --> 00:16:37,499
?
475
00:16:41,382 --> 00:16:43,038
Oh!
476
00:16:43,038 --> 00:16:44,366
Ladies and gentlemen,
477
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,468
we have genuine wood.
478
00:16:46,535 --> 00:16:48,015
- Oh!
- Huh?
479
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:49,552
Look at that!
480
00:16:50,074 --> 00:16:51,606
That's a piss dot right there,
481
00:16:51,673 --> 00:16:53,048
but it's old.
482
00:16:53,241 --> 00:16:56,211
[MELLOW MUSIC]
483
00:16:56,278 --> 00:17:03,452
?
484
00:17:04,419 --> 00:17:06,269
Tim, back at the studio,
485
00:17:07,155 --> 00:17:09,629
- I came.
- Cool.
486
00:17:10,122 --> 00:17:11,627
I mean, there's a chemistry there.
487
00:17:11,693 --> 00:17:13,295
- I can't explain it.
- Yeah.
488
00:17:13,362 --> 00:17:14,963
I mean, Shannon's so nice.
489
00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:16,258
So nice.
490
00:17:16,765 --> 00:17:18,092
Tim, I don't know what to do.
491
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:21,069
I think you should do...
492
00:17:21,136 --> 00:17:23,007
whatever it is you're about to do.
493
00:17:23,472 --> 00:17:24,669
Break up with her?
494
00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:26,160
Maybe. I mean...
495
00:17:29,044 --> 00:17:32,014
As long as you get to hit
them skins one last time.
496
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,849
Oh, Tim, come on. What are you doing?
497
00:17:33,915 --> 00:17:35,584
- Don't talk like that.
- I don't know.
498
00:17:35,651 --> 00:17:37,915
It's this hat. It's changing me.
499
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:39,126
Throw it out.
500
00:17:39,588 --> 00:17:40,673
I tried.
501
00:17:44,593 --> 00:17:46,862
? Sweet chariot ?
502
00:17:46,929 --> 00:17:48,830
? Comin' for to carry me... ?
503
00:17:48,897 --> 00:17:51,059
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, Shannon.
504
00:17:51,335 --> 00:17:52,399
What's wrong?
505
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:55,595
I don't think this is working.
506
00:17:56,753 --> 00:17:58,207
What? [CHUCKLES]
507
00:17:58,274 --> 00:18:00,243
This is coming out of nowhere.
508
00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:01,677
Is there something wrong with the song?
509
00:18:01,744 --> 00:18:03,112
No, uh... well,
510
00:18:03,179 --> 00:18:05,596
we did have to re-record
the song with Molly.
511
00:18:05,706 --> 00:18:06,916
But it's only because the...
512
00:18:06,983 --> 00:18:08,951
The client thought there
was no spark in ours,
513
00:18:09,018 --> 00:18:10,286
which is kind of my point.
514
00:18:10,353 --> 00:18:12,147
There's, like, no spark here.
515
00:18:12,172 --> 00:18:13,423
What are you gonna do?
516
00:18:13,489 --> 00:18:15,627
Spend the rest of your
life hanging out with Tim
517
00:18:15,652 --> 00:18:17,528
telling vulgar high school
stories about your ass
518
00:18:17,593 --> 00:18:18,661
and your testicles?
519
00:18:18,728 --> 00:18:20,126
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
520
00:18:20,958 --> 00:18:23,332
I never said my balls came out, okay?
521
00:18:23,399 --> 00:18:24,434
I mean, they did.
522
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:25,732
Got a huge laugh.
523
00:18:26,936 --> 00:18:29,742
Look, Shannon, you're perfect.
524
00:18:30,874 --> 00:18:33,417
But we're not perfect for each other.
525
00:18:33,843 --> 00:18:35,445
And I don't think either
of us should settle
526
00:18:35,511 --> 00:18:36,679
for anything less.
527
00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:39,715
[REFLECTIVE MUSIC]
528
00:18:39,782 --> 00:18:46,222
?
529
00:18:46,447 --> 00:18:47,448
Sam...
530
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:49,325
I just want you to know
531
00:18:49,392 --> 00:18:51,930
that I never felt like I was settling.
532
00:18:53,429 --> 00:18:54,380
I did.
533
00:18:54,764 --> 00:18:56,132
I... I felt like I was settling.
534
00:18:57,767 --> 00:18:59,202
- Damn it, Sam.
- Oh, sorry.
535
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:00,770
S... ah, oof. No, I'm sorry.
536
00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:01,870
[SPUTTERS]
537
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:05,013
Love you.
538
00:19:06,175 --> 00:19:07,510
Oh, I'm s... I'm sorry.
539
00:19:07,577 --> 00:19:10,093
- Listen up, society.
- Tim.
540
00:19:10,302 --> 00:19:12,315
You posted that video under my name?
541
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:13,983
- No.
- Cease and desist...
542
00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:16,452
Why, what happened? Did
you get hacked by Anonymous?
543
00:19:16,519 --> 00:19:17,987
Well, I did it.
544
00:19:18,054 --> 00:19:21,524
Slingin' single Sammy is back town, baby.
545
00:19:22,009 --> 00:19:23,427
I'm sorry, buddy. That must've been hard.
546
00:19:23,493 --> 00:19:25,625
It was the hardest thing I've
ever had to do in my life.
547
00:19:25,927 --> 00:19:27,166
She was sweet.
548
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,276
And Mom and Dad will be crushed.
549
00:19:29,412 --> 00:19:30,666
But ten years from now,
550
00:19:30,733 --> 00:19:31,968
you don't want to wake up and realize
551
00:19:32,034 --> 00:19:33,269
you married the wrong person.
552
00:19:33,336 --> 00:19:34,704
- Yep, yeah.
- That's true.
553
00:19:34,771 --> 00:19:35,872
Chrissy's right. She could've turned out
554
00:19:35,938 --> 00:19:37,240
to be a child molester.
555
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:38,541
- What?
- What?
556
00:19:38,738 --> 00:19:40,084
Well, I'm just... I'm just saying,
557
00:19:40,109 --> 00:19:42,411
Chrissy's saying, ten years is a long time.
558
00:19:42,478 --> 00:19:43,780
A lot could happen.
559
00:19:43,846 --> 00:19:45,281
She could turned into a child molester.
560
00:19:45,348 --> 00:19:46,949
That is not what I'm saying.
561
00:19:47,016 --> 00:19:48,618
Tim, how do you "turn
into" a child molester?
562
00:19:48,684 --> 00:19:51,053
Uh, you get molested by one, Sam.
563
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,055
It's not like getting bit by a werewolf.
564
00:19:53,122 --> 00:19:55,124
Uh, whatever, I'm just agreeing,
565
00:19:55,191 --> 00:19:57,427
Mom and Dad are gonna be crushed.
566
00:19:57,583 --> 00:19:59,896
Hey, to Shannon.
567
00:19:59,962 --> 00:20:01,364
- To Shannon.
- To Shannon.
568
00:20:01,431 --> 00:20:02,543
God bless her.
569
00:20:04,367 --> 00:20:06,269
Get her off these streets
before she [BLEEP] a kid.
570
00:20:06,294 --> 00:20:07,511
Baby, no.
571
00:20:07,612 --> 00:20:10,177
_
572
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:11,442
? And it's always bargain time ?
573
00:20:11,509 --> 00:20:13,278
? At Farmer Zack's ?
574
00:20:13,344 --> 00:20:15,554
? Farmer Zack's ?
575
00:20:16,052 --> 00:20:17,912
Whoa! Was that Blade?
576
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,120
Blade is so freaking cool.
577
00:20:20,317 --> 00:20:23,053
And now moving onto the
lighter side of the news,
578
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,855
what's actually in your dog's food?
579
00:20:24,922 --> 00:20:27,591
The surprising answer
might make you rethink
580
00:20:27,658 --> 00:20:28,993
eating dog food.
581
00:20:29,059 --> 00:20:32,096
[TECHNO MUSIC]
582
00:20:32,162 --> 00:20:39,336
?
583
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:52,317
Mike!
584
00:20:52,942 --> 00:20:53,984
Don't you do...
585
00:20:54,051 --> 00:20:55,626
Don't you do it! Stop!
586
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,424
[BOTH MUMBLING]
587
00:21:05,795 --> 00:21:06,883
Uh-huh.
588
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,821
Right. Right.
589
00:21:11,590 --> 00:21:12,859
Well, I'll be danged.
590
00:21:12,909 --> 00:21:17,459
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40537
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.