All language subtitles for Detroiters s01e10 Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,961 --> 00:00:06,961 - Humpf. - Another round? 2 00:00:06,986 --> 00:00:08,210 No, I think I'm good. 3 00:00:08,235 --> 00:00:09,687 It's open bar 4 00:00:09,712 --> 00:00:11,992 - Let's get another round. - Yeah, let's get one. Come on. 5 00:00:13,427 --> 00:00:14,559 - Fun night. - Yeah. 6 00:00:14,584 --> 00:00:15,750 I don't even care if we win. 7 00:00:15,752 --> 00:00:17,018 Oh, we're gonna win. 8 00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:18,386 Yeah, of course, totally, 9 00:00:18,411 --> 00:00:19,944 but I'm saying even if we don't win... 10 00:00:19,973 --> 00:00:21,156 Yeah, we're gonna. 11 00:00:21,158 --> 00:00:22,891 Yeah, no, I know. I mean, same page. 12 00:00:22,893 --> 00:00:24,426 I'm just saying that, you know, I'm so proud 13 00:00:24,428 --> 00:00:25,994 of the work that we've done that I don't need 14 00:00:25,996 --> 00:00:27,830 the validation of my peers to make me feel good about it. 15 00:00:27,832 --> 00:00:30,126 - Yeah. But we're gonna win. - Yes. 16 00:00:31,268 --> 00:00:34,036 Hey, how ya doin'? I'll have four Boston Coolers. 17 00:00:34,038 --> 00:00:35,371 But put some booze in 'em. 18 00:00:35,373 --> 00:00:36,772 Can I have four White Russians? 19 00:00:36,774 --> 00:00:38,173 Maybe put some booze in that? 20 00:00:38,175 --> 00:00:39,875 You know what? Four more Boston Coolers. 21 00:00:39,877 --> 00:00:40,787 No booze. 22 00:00:41,245 --> 00:00:42,745 I'll tell you what. You know what? 23 00:00:42,747 --> 00:00:44,246 Put some booze in them. A little booze in those. 24 00:00:44,248 --> 00:00:47,165 - Wow, you guys must be thirsty. - Carter? 25 00:00:47,577 --> 00:00:50,121 Carter Grant, VP of marketing, Chrysler? 26 00:00:50,663 --> 00:00:53,163 - Well, not anymore. - Oh, you changed your name? 27 00:00:53,188 --> 00:00:54,403 No, same name. 28 00:00:54,434 --> 00:00:56,934 - Um, I actually got fired. - What happened? 29 00:00:56,959 --> 00:00:59,519 Well, I've hit a string of bad luck as of late. 30 00:01:00,264 --> 00:01:01,730 It all started with that accident I was in. 31 00:01:01,732 --> 00:01:02,664 You guys remember that? 32 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,688 [rock music] 33 00:01:04,712 --> 00:01:06,712 34 00:01:10,808 --> 00:01:12,064 Doesn't ring a bell. 35 00:01:12,089 --> 00:01:14,756 Oh. Well, I got run over by some maniac. 36 00:01:15,045 --> 00:01:17,396 It damaged your leg permanently? 37 00:01:17,715 --> 00:01:19,740 We are so sorry... 38 00:01:20,251 --> 00:01:21,617 that happened to you. 39 00:01:21,619 --> 00:01:23,218 Well, no, no. 40 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:26,125 This is actually, uh, from a separate incident. 41 00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:28,250 Actually, the doctor that I had after the hit-and-run 42 00:01:28,252 --> 00:01:29,752 got me back in tip-top shape. 43 00:01:30,063 --> 00:01:31,586 Yeah, he was great. 44 00:01:31,589 --> 00:01:33,789 In fact, he was so great that my wife left me for him. 45 00:01:33,813 --> 00:01:35,425 [laughter] 46 00:01:35,426 --> 00:01:37,159 - Carter! - No, I'm being serious. 47 00:01:37,161 --> 00:01:39,261 - Oh, crap. - Yeah, it's all right. 48 00:01:39,263 --> 00:01:40,496 No, it's okay. It was my fault, though. 49 00:01:40,498 --> 00:01:42,131 You know, uh, all the pain meds 50 00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:44,033 that I was on in the hospital got me drinking again, 51 00:01:44,035 --> 00:01:46,602 and that was something I promised her I'd never do. 52 00:01:46,604 --> 00:01:48,104 You know, that led to my accident. 53 00:01:48,106 --> 00:01:49,839 - Drunk driving. - Oh, no, no, no. 54 00:01:49,841 --> 00:01:52,174 This was actually from mixed martial arts fighting. 55 00:01:52,176 --> 00:01:54,591 Yeah, guy ripped off my patella. 56 00:01:55,292 --> 00:01:58,280 I just sort of threw myself into it after Susan left me. 57 00:01:58,282 --> 00:01:59,782 I was horrible at it, you know. 58 00:01:59,784 --> 00:02:01,584 Just kept getting my ass kicked by black guys. 59 00:02:01,586 --> 00:02:03,119 Why say black guys? 60 00:02:03,121 --> 00:02:04,487 'Cause I could beat all the white guys. 61 00:02:04,489 --> 00:02:06,188 - Oh, yeah, sure. - Yeah. 62 00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:07,957 No, I thought this injury was my rock bottom, 63 00:02:07,959 --> 00:02:09,525 but, uh, well, then this happened. 64 00:02:09,527 --> 00:02:11,627 - Luke Skywalker hand! - Whoa! 65 00:02:11,629 --> 00:02:13,829 - Yeah. - How did that happen? 66 00:02:13,831 --> 00:02:15,197 Yeah, well, you're gonna think this is made up, 67 00:02:15,199 --> 00:02:16,532 but my dad cut off my hand. 68 00:02:16,534 --> 00:02:18,067 - Oh! - Yeah. 69 00:02:18,069 --> 00:02:20,402 Hey, silver lining, it did sober me up. Yeah. 70 00:02:20,404 --> 00:02:22,838 And I got rehired back at Chrysler. 71 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,084 - Oh, good. - Yeah. 72 00:02:24,109 --> 00:02:26,442 By my old prot?g?, who's now the VP of marketing. 73 00:02:26,444 --> 00:02:28,644 Half the salary, got a cubicle instead of an office, 74 00:02:28,646 --> 00:02:30,346 so yep, it's been a long, 75 00:02:30,348 --> 00:02:33,941 rough road recently for old Carter Grant. 76 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:36,574 I'll tell you what. 77 00:02:37,317 --> 00:02:38,981 Winning a D Award tonight, 78 00:02:39,945 --> 00:02:41,223 that'll make the pain go away. 79 00:02:41,713 --> 00:02:43,192 We're actually up for the last ad 80 00:02:43,194 --> 00:02:44,880 we made under my watch. 81 00:02:45,571 --> 00:02:47,163 Oh, it was the Chrysler Pacifica spot 82 00:02:47,165 --> 00:02:48,697 that you guys missed out on. 83 00:02:48,699 --> 00:02:51,500 Wait, that campaign was for a specific car? 84 00:02:51,502 --> 00:02:53,802 I thought it was just for Chrysler in general. 85 00:02:53,850 --> 00:02:56,991 No, car companies don't really make generic commercials 86 00:02:57,019 --> 00:02:58,492 for the entire brand. 87 00:02:58,843 --> 00:03:02,570 If you want a specific car, get a Chrysler Pacifica. 88 00:03:03,481 --> 00:03:04,535 It's a little late. 89 00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:05,881 And not very good. 90 00:03:05,883 --> 00:03:06,925 Understand. 91 00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,318 Looks like your drinks are here. 92 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,471 Oh, yeah. 93 00:03:11,155 --> 00:03:14,089 Well... good luck, Carter. 94 00:03:14,091 --> 00:03:15,391 Yeah, good luck. 95 00:03:15,839 --> 00:03:16,759 Thanks, guys. 96 00:03:16,784 --> 00:03:18,005 Really appreciate it. 97 00:03:18,396 --> 00:03:20,003 You remind me of, uh, 98 00:03:20,655 --> 00:03:21,897 better times. 99 00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:23,545 I should go sit down, 100 00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:25,701 as I'm in a great deal of pain. 101 00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:28,691 Okay. 102 00:03:38,115 --> 00:03:39,748 Excuse me. Could we... 103 00:03:39,951 --> 00:03:41,250 Like, a tray or something? 104 00:03:41,252 --> 00:03:43,085 - Something to carry this? - Just a tray... 105 00:03:43,087 --> 00:03:44,819 What you've done here is ridiculous. 106 00:03:44,877 --> 00:03:46,108 Next time 107 00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:47,155 When they ask you 108 00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:48,624 Where you're from 109 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,730 You gon' say Detroit city 110 00:03:51,755 --> 00:03:55,297 When we get back on our feet,yeah 111 00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:56,866 Yeah 112 00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:58,701 Ladies and gentlemen, 113 00:03:58,703 --> 00:04:00,603 please welcome to the stage our host for the evening, 114 00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:01,904 Detroit's favorite son, 115 00:04:01,906 --> 00:04:03,505 the cohost of "Tool Time," 116 00:04:03,507 --> 00:04:06,208 Al Borland! 117 00:04:06,232 --> 00:04:08,232 [cheers and applause] 118 00:04:08,637 --> 00:04:10,312 Thank you very much. 119 00:04:10,314 --> 00:04:14,316 Uh, you know, I asked them not to introduce me like that. 120 00:04:14,535 --> 00:04:16,836 Al Borland is a fictional character 121 00:04:16,861 --> 00:04:18,787 from a show called "Home Improvement." 122 00:04:18,789 --> 00:04:21,357 I am not Al Borland. 123 00:04:22,818 --> 00:04:24,818 [applause] 124 00:04:24,962 --> 00:04:27,258 I'm Richard Karn, and I'd like to welcome you 125 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,909 to Detroit Advertising's night of the year: 126 00:04:29,934 --> 00:04:31,634 the D Awards! 127 00:04:31,658 --> 00:04:33,336 [cheers and applause] 128 00:04:33,337 --> 00:04:35,571 I'll tell you, the producers asked me 129 00:04:35,573 --> 00:04:37,819 not to sing tonight. 130 00:04:38,776 --> 00:04:40,009 Yeah, right. 131 00:04:40,033 --> 00:04:41,344 [cheers and applause] 132 00:04:41,345 --> 00:04:42,978 Maestro! 133 00:04:43,002 --> 00:04:45,002 [jazzy music playing] 134 00:04:45,026 --> 00:04:47,026 135 00:04:47,847 --> 00:04:49,847 [gasps and laughter] 136 00:04:50,073 --> 00:04:52,073 137 00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:56,894 Well, tonight is your night 138 00:04:58,129 --> 00:05:01,597 And the light is just right 139 00:05:01,599 --> 00:05:05,148 If you try you just might 140 00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:08,537 Win a D tonight 141 00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:10,139 And the D for graphic design... 142 00:05:10,141 --> 00:05:12,775 Let your dreams take flight 143 00:05:12,777 --> 00:05:14,443 Pomerantz and Klein! 144 00:05:14,445 --> 00:05:16,512 High in the sky like a kite 145 00:05:16,514 --> 00:05:17,513 Crazy Morgan. 146 00:05:17,515 --> 00:05:19,114 With this D 147 00:05:19,116 --> 00:05:20,816 You're the best there can be 148 00:05:20,818 --> 00:05:22,484 Oh, say, can you see 149 00:05:22,486 --> 00:05:26,023 At the D Awards tonight 150 00:05:26,346 --> 00:05:28,346 [cheers and applause] 151 00:05:29,293 --> 00:05:31,327 Okay, folks, this is it. 152 00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:35,531 The D Award for Consumer TV: Thirty Second Single. 153 00:05:35,533 --> 00:05:38,633 First up, Downriver Ale from Doner. 154 00:05:39,370 --> 00:05:41,970 Kid Rock: Detroit. A city on its knees. 155 00:05:41,972 --> 00:05:45,074 But we're ready to get back up and stand tall. 156 00:05:45,076 --> 00:05:47,976 This is our town, and this is our beer: 157 00:05:47,978 --> 00:05:49,378 Downriver Ale. 158 00:05:49,402 --> 00:05:51,402 [applause] 159 00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:57,165 Little Caesars, also from Doner. 160 00:05:57,888 --> 00:05:59,259 Kid Rock: Detroit. 161 00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:01,323 It's not the size of the dog in the fight. 162 00:06:01,325 --> 00:06:03,659 It's the size of the fight in the dog. 163 00:06:03,661 --> 00:06:05,227 Is that Kid Rock again? 164 00:06:05,229 --> 00:06:06,562 Kid Rock: Little Caesars. 165 00:06:06,564 --> 00:06:08,197 This is our pizza pizza. 166 00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:10,221 [applause] 167 00:06:10,881 --> 00:06:14,236 Chrysler Pacifica from Pomerantz and Klein. 168 00:06:14,238 --> 00:06:15,671 Kid Rock: Detroit knows a little something 169 00:06:15,673 --> 00:06:16,872 about hard work. 170 00:06:16,874 --> 00:06:18,073 Those other towns? 171 00:06:18,075 --> 00:06:19,908 They're hardly working. 172 00:06:19,910 --> 00:06:21,443 Chrysler Pacifica. 173 00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:23,013 This is our car. 174 00:06:23,037 --> 00:06:24,547 [applause] 175 00:06:24,548 --> 00:06:25,581 And finally, 176 00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:27,549 Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn. 177 00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:30,519 Cramblin-Duvet Advertising? 178 00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:33,547 Rick Mahorn from the Pistons has a car dealership? 179 00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,191 I did not know that. 180 00:06:36,215 --> 00:06:37,986 [laughter] 181 00:06:37,987 --> 00:06:40,195 - Let's take a look. - [applause] 182 00:06:40,197 --> 00:06:43,485 Who's the superhero saving Detroit from high prices? 183 00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:47,136 Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn! 184 00:06:47,138 --> 00:06:49,571 Help! I need to buy a car fast! 185 00:06:49,573 --> 00:06:51,106 Who can help me? 186 00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:53,130 [whooshing] 187 00:06:53,744 --> 00:06:54,926 I can help you. 188 00:06:54,926 --> 00:06:57,259 It's me, Quick Rick Mahorn of Dearborn. 189 00:06:57,261 --> 00:06:58,961 My parents were killed in an alley, 190 00:06:58,963 --> 00:07:01,832 so I became a superhero who can run fast. 191 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,311 I can put you into an affordable used car like that. 192 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:06,857 [snaps fingers] 193 00:07:06,882 --> 00:07:09,872 Thanks, Rick Mahorn. That was fast. 194 00:07:17,439 --> 00:07:18,813 My work here is done. 195 00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:21,189 I think I'll run to France and get me a croissant. 196 00:07:22,814 --> 00:07:23,836 Ooh, la, la. 197 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,346 You want a fast deal, 198 00:07:25,371 --> 00:07:27,737 come to Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn. 199 00:07:28,461 --> 00:07:34,027 On Greenfield and Warren next to the big brown house 200 00:07:34,051 --> 00:07:36,051 [applause] 201 00:07:36,075 --> 00:07:38,075 [drumroll] 202 00:07:40,114 --> 00:07:41,570 And the winner is... 203 00:07:43,131 --> 00:07:45,046 Doner, Downriver Ale! 204 00:07:45,070 --> 00:07:46,811 [cheers and applause] 205 00:07:46,812 --> 00:07:48,411 Bullshit! 206 00:07:53,150 --> 00:07:54,401 We'll get 'em next time, bud. 207 00:07:54,426 --> 00:07:56,034 Even if we don't, it's still fun. 208 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,492 We'll get 'em next time. 209 00:07:57,517 --> 00:07:59,559 - All right. - Uh, guys. 210 00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:03,162 Hey, Carter. Tough break, man. 211 00:08:03,164 --> 00:08:04,129 It's all right. 212 00:08:04,131 --> 00:08:05,529 You know, you win some, you lose... 213 00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:07,512 everything. 214 00:08:08,669 --> 00:08:10,502 Who knew everyone was gonna use Kid Rock, right? 215 00:08:10,504 --> 00:08:12,705 Yeah, there was a lot of Kid Rock. 216 00:08:12,707 --> 00:08:14,006 There was. There really was. 217 00:08:14,008 --> 00:08:16,208 Anyway, um, this is Judy Thompson. 218 00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:18,744 She's director of marketing for Quicken Loans. 219 00:08:18,746 --> 00:08:21,346 They're actually, uh, on the hunt for a new agency. 220 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,383 Yeah, someone small and local, and I... 221 00:08:23,384 --> 00:08:25,751 Well, you know, I recommended you guys. 222 00:08:25,753 --> 00:08:27,586 Carter raves about you two. 223 00:08:27,588 --> 00:08:29,221 I'd love to meet with you next week. 224 00:08:29,223 --> 00:08:31,957 - Absolutely. - Yeah, we'll give you a call. 225 00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:33,107 Sounds good. 226 00:08:33,728 --> 00:08:34,651 Take care. 227 00:08:35,129 --> 00:08:37,129 - Thank you, Carter. - Yeah. 228 00:08:37,131 --> 00:08:39,531 That was very nice of you. 229 00:08:39,533 --> 00:08:41,300 Ah, don't worry about it. 230 00:08:41,573 --> 00:08:43,181 I figure I owe you guys one. 231 00:08:43,938 --> 00:08:44,967 All right. 232 00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:49,878 Ow. [groans] 233 00:08:50,678 --> 00:08:51,661 Ow. 234 00:08:53,749 --> 00:08:55,749 [melancholy music] 235 00:08:56,384 --> 00:08:57,984 We set in motion a chain of events 236 00:08:57,986 --> 00:09:00,137 that ruined a man's life. 237 00:09:01,156 --> 00:09:03,156 I can't believe this time yesterday, 238 00:09:03,201 --> 00:09:05,852 all I cared about was winning a stupid D Award. 239 00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:07,260 Well, we never stood a chance. 240 00:09:07,262 --> 00:09:08,828 Yeah, I know that now. 241 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,174 [upbeat music] 242 00:09:11,519 --> 00:09:13,053 Morning, Sheila. 243 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,034 These are for you. 244 00:09:15,036 --> 00:09:17,988 Oh, thank you, Rick. They're lovely. 245 00:09:18,013 --> 00:09:19,919 You think the guys are in right now? 246 00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:21,603 I want to talk to them about another ad. 247 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,620 - Go right in. - Thank you. 248 00:09:23,645 --> 00:09:25,578 I mean, how are we gonna compete with agencies 249 00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:27,814 like Doner and Pomerantz and Klein? 250 00:09:28,373 --> 00:09:29,416 We can't. 251 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,218 With their budgets, they can get the best actors. 252 00:09:32,576 --> 00:09:33,920 I mean, they have Kid Rock. 253 00:09:33,922 --> 00:09:36,088 Meanwhile we're stuck with Rick Mahorn. 254 00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:38,324 - Yeah. - I mean, bless his heart, 255 00:09:38,699 --> 00:09:41,592 but Rick Mahorn can't act his way out of a wet paper bag. 256 00:09:41,616 --> 00:09:43,616 [melancholy music] 257 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,640 258 00:09:48,402 --> 00:09:50,303 Well, let's not dwell on it. 259 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,105 Let's just come up with a pitch for Quicken Loans. 260 00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:56,075 Yeah, okay. Um... 261 00:09:56,912 --> 00:09:58,644 - Quicken Loans. - Quicken Loans. 262 00:09:58,826 --> 00:10:00,733 Quicken Loans, Bicken Bones. 263 00:10:01,431 --> 00:10:02,916 - Maybe. - Yeah? 264 00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:04,817 Why is our first move always to rhyme? 265 00:10:05,198 --> 00:10:07,288 Well, don't question the process. 266 00:10:07,866 --> 00:10:09,555 Besides, Bicken Bones ain't nothing. 267 00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:10,790 Oh, absolutely not. 268 00:10:10,814 --> 00:10:12,814 269 00:10:15,987 --> 00:10:19,132 Rick Mahorn can't act his way out of a wet paper bag. 270 00:10:19,156 --> 00:10:21,156 271 00:10:21,923 --> 00:10:23,237 Ooh, yeah. 272 00:10:23,238 --> 00:10:25,505 Very good. Very good. Excellent. 273 00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:27,496 Lose all of your inhibitions. 274 00:10:27,913 --> 00:10:28,875 Yes. 275 00:10:29,051 --> 00:10:30,810 Oh, can we help you? 276 00:10:30,812 --> 00:10:32,945 Yes, you can. I want to learn how to act. 277 00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:34,747 You've come to the right place. 278 00:10:34,749 --> 00:10:35,781 Join us. 279 00:10:35,805 --> 00:10:37,805 [funky music] 280 00:10:37,829 --> 00:10:39,829 281 00:10:41,456 --> 00:10:42,822 You ready? 282 00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:44,658 No. Are you ready? 283 00:10:44,659 --> 00:10:46,158 No. 284 00:10:46,511 --> 00:10:48,327 So what do you have for us? 285 00:10:48,777 --> 00:10:51,562 We open on a family in front of their dream home. 286 00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:54,166 In order to afford the dream home, 287 00:10:54,168 --> 00:10:56,702 the family needs a loan. Why? 288 00:10:56,704 --> 00:11:00,500 Because two maniacs ran over their dad and ruined his life. 289 00:11:01,319 --> 00:11:02,875 So the dad's long gone. 290 00:11:02,877 --> 00:11:04,343 Lost his hand. 291 00:11:04,345 --> 00:11:07,757 Are you guys talking about Carter Grant? 292 00:11:08,928 --> 00:11:11,922 - No. - Can we finish, please? 293 00:11:12,093 --> 00:11:14,921 - Okay. - Um, so the mom needs a loan. 294 00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:16,255 Who does she turn to? 295 00:11:16,257 --> 00:11:18,558 The big stuffy banks? Psh, no, thanks. 296 00:11:18,582 --> 00:11:19,893 [laughter] 297 00:11:19,894 --> 00:11:21,060 Quicken Loans? 298 00:11:21,538 --> 00:11:23,529 Hmm. Maybe. 299 00:11:23,860 --> 00:11:25,036 But who are they? 300 00:11:25,596 --> 00:11:27,900 What are they? I don't know. 301 00:11:28,117 --> 00:11:29,119 Why? 302 00:11:30,675 --> 00:11:32,338 Because you need a mascot. 303 00:11:32,895 --> 00:11:35,108 Buying a home should be fun. 304 00:11:35,109 --> 00:11:37,471 It shouldn't be scary. 305 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:41,213 It shouldn't make you think of your own mortality 306 00:11:41,475 --> 00:11:42,982 and that we're all gonna die 307 00:11:42,984 --> 00:11:46,285 and one day, a man's gonna shove cotton up your butthole. 308 00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,888 I apologize; I'm going through some personal stuff right now, 309 00:11:48,890 --> 00:11:50,222 and I think some of it's seeping out. 310 00:11:50,224 --> 00:11:51,524 Yeah, me too; I'm going through 311 00:11:51,526 --> 00:11:52,858 the same stuff as him, actually. 312 00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:54,427 Yeah, it's the same personal stuff 313 00:11:54,429 --> 00:11:55,795 - that we're going through. - Exact same event. 314 00:11:55,797 --> 00:11:56,721 Uh... 315 00:11:57,065 --> 00:11:58,431 buying a home should be fun. 316 00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:00,700 It shouldn't be scary. 317 00:12:00,702 --> 00:12:01,667 It... 318 00:12:07,968 --> 00:12:09,040 You know what? 319 00:12:09,794 --> 00:12:11,377 I'm sorry. I can't do this. 320 00:12:12,647 --> 00:12:14,180 I'm well aware that we have you 321 00:12:14,182 --> 00:12:15,748 in the palm of our hands right now, 322 00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,883 and I could pull down this card right now, 323 00:12:17,885 --> 00:12:19,518 show you this mascot. 324 00:12:19,999 --> 00:12:21,530 Oh. Oh! 325 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,890 And it would blow each and every one of you 326 00:12:24,892 --> 00:12:26,627 out of the water. 327 00:12:26,939 --> 00:12:28,830 But I'm afraid that would all be fruit 328 00:12:29,057 --> 00:12:30,563 from a poisonous tree. 329 00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:33,966 So we respectfully decline your business. 330 00:12:34,978 --> 00:12:36,102 Thank you for your time. 331 00:12:36,104 --> 00:12:37,903 Thank you for your time and your respect. 332 00:12:37,905 --> 00:12:39,672 - Thank you. - No worries. 333 00:12:39,674 --> 00:12:42,908 To be honest, we just set this meeting up to be polite. 334 00:12:42,910 --> 00:12:45,244 You know, I wish people would quit doing that! 335 00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:47,631 It's mean! 336 00:12:47,922 --> 00:12:49,749 This is, like, our real job, you know what I mean? 337 00:12:49,751 --> 00:12:51,489 It's not, like, a game. 338 00:12:51,836 --> 00:12:52,936 Ugh! 339 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,887 What a frickin' joke. 340 00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:00,593 I've got to see this mascot. 341 00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:06,624 [screams] 342 00:13:10,188 --> 00:13:11,506 What did he tell you, Bobby? 343 00:13:11,761 --> 00:13:12,972 Huck's been shot. He's dead. 344 00:13:12,974 --> 00:13:14,240 He's in heaven. 345 00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:17,910 Uh, and scene. 346 00:13:21,754 --> 00:13:24,473 You loved Huck. 347 00:13:25,742 --> 00:13:27,926 - Thanks, Coach. - Mm-hmm. 348 00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:30,726 And again. 349 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,887 What did he tell you, Bobby? 350 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,745 [crying] He said Huck's been shot. 351 00:13:34,886 --> 00:13:36,185 He's dead. 352 00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:37,830 He's going to heaven now. 353 00:13:37,832 --> 00:13:39,131 And scene. 354 00:13:39,133 --> 00:13:40,166 Yes! 355 00:13:40,190 --> 00:13:42,190 [applause] 356 00:13:43,538 --> 00:13:44,704 Yes! 357 00:13:44,728 --> 00:13:46,728 [triumphant music] 358 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:50,007 I think we found our Mama. 359 00:13:51,674 --> 00:13:53,779 I can't live like this anymore. 360 00:13:54,195 --> 00:13:56,081 We have to tell Carter what we did. 361 00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:58,302 No way, man. 362 00:13:59,336 --> 00:14:00,920 We'll go to jail, Sam. 363 00:14:01,303 --> 00:14:02,525 We almost killed him. 364 00:14:06,265 --> 00:14:09,495 So, uh, do you have any ideas for a commercial? 365 00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:10,970 We have to be honest, man. 366 00:14:10,995 --> 00:14:12,264 We don't. 367 00:14:12,266 --> 00:14:13,733 What's the name of your store again? 368 00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:16,602 It's just called Electronics Store. 369 00:14:17,074 --> 00:14:18,804 Yeah, there's nothing we can do with that. 370 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,236 [slow rock music] 371 00:14:26,019 --> 00:14:28,953 And so the proof turned out not to be in the pudding 372 00:14:29,078 --> 00:14:32,074 but, rather, in the murderer's blood and semen. 373 00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:35,306 [laughing] We'll be back after these words. 374 00:14:35,914 --> 00:14:38,791 This weekend, be sure to catch "All the Fixin's," 375 00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:41,727 an original play starring Pistons legend Rick Mahorn. 376 00:14:41,729 --> 00:14:43,262 Rick Mahorn's in a play? 377 00:14:43,264 --> 00:14:45,297 It's got all the laughs, all the tears, 378 00:14:45,299 --> 00:14:46,432 all the fixin's. 379 00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:47,433 That's what the TV said. 380 00:14:47,435 --> 00:14:48,701 Tim, just... Obviously. 381 00:14:49,350 --> 00:14:50,896 _ 382 00:14:59,036 --> 00:15:00,513 Prisoner 44, 383 00:15:00,778 --> 00:15:02,786 why should we let you out of jail today? 384 00:15:03,082 --> 00:15:05,096 Because it's my mama's birthday. 385 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,120 386 00:15:09,888 --> 00:15:11,385 Hey, hey, what's up? What's up? 387 00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:13,443 Hey, where's mama? 388 00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:16,820 Bobby, Mama's sick. 389 00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:25,135 I've done everything I can for this family, 390 00:15:25,137 --> 00:15:26,703 worked my fingers to the bone. 391 00:15:26,705 --> 00:15:28,238 Don't talk to me like that. 392 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,727 - I'm a grown-ass man. - Stop it. Enough! 393 00:15:30,727 --> 00:15:32,179 I'm going to get Mama. 394 00:15:41,811 --> 00:15:43,978 - Mama! - Mama! 395 00:15:45,441 --> 00:15:47,174 I've been in this bed 396 00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:50,332 listening to y'all in here fussing and cussing. 397 00:15:51,528 --> 00:15:53,424 I ain't raised y'all like that. 398 00:15:53,518 --> 00:15:54,783 Go for it, Rick. 399 00:15:54,981 --> 00:15:57,164 Someone set that stove on 400 00:15:57,486 --> 00:15:59,610 and bring me all the fixin's. 401 00:15:59,635 --> 00:16:00,759 Whoo! 402 00:16:01,187 --> 00:16:03,421 You think we gon' miss a meal in this house? 403 00:16:03,867 --> 00:16:05,326 Bullshit! 404 00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:07,350 [laughter and applause] 405 00:16:10,065 --> 00:16:12,466 I'll never get a chance to tell Mama the truth 406 00:16:12,952 --> 00:16:14,468 of what I did that day, 407 00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:17,226 and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. 408 00:16:22,444 --> 00:16:24,010 We have to tell Carter. 409 00:16:24,012 --> 00:16:25,528 Yeah, we'll tell him first thing tomorrow. 410 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,552 [cheers and applause] 411 00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:35,592 Both: Detroit basketball! 412 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:37,357 All: Rick! Rick! Rick! 413 00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:39,697 Rick! Rick! Rick! Rick! 414 00:16:40,623 --> 00:16:41,828 Don't look over there. 415 00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:43,730 Those are cars that haven't been released yet. 416 00:16:43,732 --> 00:16:45,332 [laughs] I'm screwing around. 417 00:16:45,334 --> 00:16:46,700 Well, this is me. 418 00:16:46,702 --> 00:16:48,034 I know. I know. It's small. 419 00:16:48,036 --> 00:16:50,137 - Oh, no. - It is. 420 00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,722 - Tim. - It is. 421 00:16:52,241 --> 00:16:54,341 So I heard you guys really tanked the Quicken Loans meeting, huh? 422 00:16:54,343 --> 00:16:56,009 - Just chunked it. - Yeah? 423 00:16:56,011 --> 00:16:58,512 Yeah, but that's actually not why we're here. 424 00:16:58,905 --> 00:17:00,514 Carter, we have something 425 00:17:00,516 --> 00:17:02,082 very important to tell you. 426 00:17:02,434 --> 00:17:04,384 Yeah? Well, you're catching me on a good day. 427 00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:06,219 You're not gonna believe this, but, uh, 428 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,288 well, I was walking home last night. 429 00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:10,891 Who do I bump into? Shandy Hogan. 430 00:17:10,893 --> 00:17:12,659 - Wow! - Oh, that's great! 431 00:17:12,661 --> 00:17:15,762 - What are the odds? - Oh, you know her. 432 00:17:15,764 --> 00:17:17,864 - No. - We were just being supportive. 433 00:17:17,866 --> 00:17:20,267 Yeah, go on, Shandy Hogan or whatever. 434 00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:22,504 Yeah, Shandy Hogan, yeah, my high school sweetheart. 435 00:17:23,138 --> 00:17:24,437 First girl I ever loved, 436 00:17:24,439 --> 00:17:25,505 and guess what she does for a living. 437 00:17:25,507 --> 00:17:26,740 - Pilot. - No. 438 00:17:26,742 --> 00:17:28,675 - Sleazy record producer. - No. 439 00:17:28,677 --> 00:17:29,709 - Drummer. - No. 440 00:17:29,711 --> 00:17:30,844 Professional muscle lady. 441 00:17:30,846 --> 00:17:32,579 No, guys, it's something good. 442 00:17:32,581 --> 00:17:34,681 - Knight. - City councilwoman? 443 00:17:34,683 --> 00:17:36,683 No, she's a physical therapist. 444 00:17:36,685 --> 00:17:38,351 - Yeah, that's okay. - Oh, sweet. 445 00:17:38,353 --> 00:17:41,188 No, it is good, because we started talking about my leg. 446 00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:43,089 Yeah, next thing you know, we're having dinner together. 447 00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:44,925 Next thing you know, we've been talking so long 448 00:17:44,927 --> 00:17:47,160 that the restaurant closes around us and they had to kick us out. 449 00:17:47,162 --> 00:17:48,662 Oh, those assholes! 450 00:17:48,664 --> 00:17:49,763 Oh, no, it was fine. 451 00:17:49,765 --> 00:17:50,830 It was great, actually. 452 00:17:50,832 --> 00:17:52,098 I'm gonna see her again tonight. 453 00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:54,067 Oh, Carter, that's great. 454 00:17:54,069 --> 00:17:55,068 It's funny, you know? 455 00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:56,528 Had I met her a year ago, 456 00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:59,251 I would have been married to some woman that, let's face it, 457 00:17:59,864 --> 00:18:01,675 I obviously wasn't supposed to be with. 458 00:18:01,677 --> 00:18:03,014 Ain't life something? 459 00:18:03,345 --> 00:18:05,024 So I guess you're saying 460 00:18:05,614 --> 00:18:07,347 getting hit by that car 461 00:18:07,349 --> 00:18:10,142 was the best thing that ever happened to you. 462 00:18:11,186 --> 00:18:12,752 Well, I wouldn't say that. 463 00:18:13,386 --> 00:18:14,387 Would you, please? 464 00:18:14,389 --> 00:18:15,388 Please what? 465 00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:16,723 Say getting hit by that car 466 00:18:16,725 --> 00:18:18,438 was the best thing that ever happened to you? 467 00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:22,041 - Why? - No reason. 468 00:18:22,564 --> 00:18:24,464 Might be fun to say out loud. 469 00:18:24,747 --> 00:18:25,896 See how it feels. 470 00:18:33,978 --> 00:18:35,342 You guys ran over me. 471 00:18:35,366 --> 00:18:38,193 [both laughing] 472 00:18:40,852 --> 00:18:43,185 Yeah. Yeah, we ran over you. 473 00:18:43,986 --> 00:18:45,258 Guilty! 474 00:18:45,821 --> 00:18:47,988 You guys ran over me. You did. 475 00:18:47,990 --> 00:18:49,689 You put a bag of chips on my head, 476 00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:52,058 and you dumped me in the woods, and you left me for dead. 477 00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:54,494 [mockingly] "You threw me in the woods and left me for dead." 478 00:18:54,496 --> 00:18:57,197 Hey, did you? Yes or no? 479 00:18:57,199 --> 00:18:59,099 Yes! We ran you over. 480 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,801 Carter, we are so sorry. 481 00:19:01,803 --> 00:19:04,704 You dumb son of a bitches ruined my life. 482 00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:06,581 Look, it was just an accident. 483 00:19:07,028 --> 00:19:09,277 Yeah, Carter, we'll do anything to make it up to you. 484 00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,278 Make it up to me? How are you gonna make up 485 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,580 starting off a chain of events that led to this? 486 00:19:14,171 --> 00:19:16,182 Well, I mean, there's got to be something. 487 00:19:16,184 --> 00:19:18,184 No, there's nothing you could do 488 00:19:18,186 --> 00:19:20,053 to make us even for what you've done to me. 489 00:19:22,224 --> 00:19:23,423 Yes, there is. 490 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,627 Oh, you think I'm just gonna let you off 491 00:19:27,629 --> 00:19:28,962 by sucking my [bleep]? 492 00:19:28,964 --> 00:19:30,330 - That's not it. - Tim, is that it? 493 00:19:30,332 --> 00:19:31,665 - That's not it. - Oh, okay, okay. 494 00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:32,932 - That's not what I was thinking. - Okay. 495 00:19:32,934 --> 00:19:34,123 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 496 00:19:34,147 --> 00:19:36,147 [dramatic music] 497 00:19:36,269 --> 00:19:37,937 This sucks! 498 00:19:39,738 --> 00:19:41,738 [dramatic music] 499 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:43,122 You ready, assholes? 500 00:19:43,199 --> 00:19:45,866 - No! - Hey, uh, we changed our minds. 501 00:19:45,868 --> 00:19:47,868 Yeah? Well, tough shit, 'cause here I come. 502 00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:49,892 [engine revving, tires squealing] 503 00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:51,973 Aaaah! 504 00:19:51,975 --> 00:19:53,474 Cover up your hog! 505 00:19:53,476 --> 00:19:55,576 I can't. My hands aren't big enough. 506 00:19:55,578 --> 00:19:57,078 [laughs] That's good. 507 00:19:57,102 --> 00:19:59,102 [all screaming] 508 00:19:59,126 --> 00:20:01,126 509 00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,150 [The Platters' "You'll Never, Never Know" 510 00:20:03,174 --> 00:20:05,174 [slow doo-wop music] 511 00:20:05,198 --> 00:20:07,198 512 00:20:11,947 --> 00:20:13,206 [thudding] 513 00:20:13,231 --> 00:20:14,385 [tires screeching] 514 00:20:14,410 --> 00:20:15,833 [laughs] 515 00:20:16,599 --> 00:20:18,393 Sons of bitches. 516 00:20:20,372 --> 00:20:21,803 You'll never know 517 00:20:21,828 --> 00:20:24,675 You'll never, never know I care 518 00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,112 Wah, oh 519 00:20:27,137 --> 00:20:28,754 You'll never know 520 00:20:28,779 --> 00:20:30,083 The torch I bear 521 00:20:30,873 --> 00:20:32,656 I'd piss on you right now, 522 00:20:33,553 --> 00:20:34,882 but I'm a Chrysler man. 523 00:20:35,565 --> 00:20:36,799 That's not how we do things. 524 00:20:38,798 --> 00:20:39,963 [spits] 525 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,781 No, no, you'll never 526 00:20:43,315 --> 00:20:45,744 Oh, no, you'll never 527 00:20:47,009 --> 00:20:50,907 Ever know 528 00:20:51,561 --> 00:20:54,639 You'll never know 529 00:20:56,151 --> 00:20:58,583 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 530 00:20:59,028 --> 00:21:01,028 Alright, that shit, folks! 531 00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,496 I have been Richard Karn. You have been wonderful. 532 00:21:04,684 --> 00:21:06,684 Drive safe! We'll see ya next year. 533 00:21:06,708 --> 00:21:09,007 And if you're watching at home, I don't know how, 534 00:21:09,031 --> 00:21:10,257 we're not televised. 535 00:21:10,282 --> 00:21:11,414 Get on, everybody! 536 00:21:11,464 --> 00:21:16,014 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37081

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