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1
00:00:04,961 --> 00:00:06,961
- Humpf.
- Another round?
2
00:00:06,986 --> 00:00:08,210
No, I think I'm good.
3
00:00:08,235 --> 00:00:09,687
It's open bar
4
00:00:09,712 --> 00:00:11,992
- Let's get another round.
- Yeah, let's get one. Come on.
5
00:00:13,427 --> 00:00:14,559
- Fun night.
- Yeah.
6
00:00:14,584 --> 00:00:15,750
I don't even care if we win.
7
00:00:15,752 --> 00:00:17,018
Oh, we're gonna win.
8
00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:18,386
Yeah, of course, totally,
9
00:00:18,411 --> 00:00:19,944
but I'm saying even if we don't win...
10
00:00:19,973 --> 00:00:21,156
Yeah, we're gonna.
11
00:00:21,158 --> 00:00:22,891
Yeah, no, I know. I mean, same page.
12
00:00:22,893 --> 00:00:24,426
I'm just saying that,
you know, I'm so proud
13
00:00:24,428 --> 00:00:25,994
of the work that we've
done that I don't need
14
00:00:25,996 --> 00:00:27,830
the validation of my peers
to make me feel good about it.
15
00:00:27,832 --> 00:00:30,126
- Yeah. But we're gonna win.
- Yes.
16
00:00:31,268 --> 00:00:34,036
Hey, how ya doin'? I'll
have four Boston Coolers.
17
00:00:34,038 --> 00:00:35,371
But put some booze in 'em.
18
00:00:35,373 --> 00:00:36,772
Can I have four White Russians?
19
00:00:36,774 --> 00:00:38,173
Maybe put some booze in that?
20
00:00:38,175 --> 00:00:39,875
You know what? Four more Boston Coolers.
21
00:00:39,877 --> 00:00:40,787
No booze.
22
00:00:41,245 --> 00:00:42,745
I'll tell you what. You know what?
23
00:00:42,747 --> 00:00:44,246
Put some booze in them.
A little booze in those.
24
00:00:44,248 --> 00:00:47,165
- Wow, you guys must be thirsty.
- Carter?
25
00:00:47,577 --> 00:00:50,121
Carter Grant, VP of marketing, Chrysler?
26
00:00:50,663 --> 00:00:53,163
- Well, not anymore.
- Oh, you changed your name?
27
00:00:53,188 --> 00:00:54,403
No, same name.
28
00:00:54,434 --> 00:00:56,934
- Um, I actually got fired.
- What happened?
29
00:00:56,959 --> 00:00:59,519
Well, I've hit a string
of bad luck as of late.
30
00:01:00,264 --> 00:01:01,730
It all started with
that accident I was in.
31
00:01:01,732 --> 00:01:02,664
You guys remember that?
32
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,688
[rock music]
33
00:01:04,712 --> 00:01:06,712
34
00:01:10,808 --> 00:01:12,064
Doesn't ring a bell.
35
00:01:12,089 --> 00:01:14,756
Oh. Well, I got run over by some maniac.
36
00:01:15,045 --> 00:01:17,396
It damaged your leg permanently?
37
00:01:17,715 --> 00:01:19,740
We are so sorry...
38
00:01:20,251 --> 00:01:21,617
that happened to you.
39
00:01:21,619 --> 00:01:23,218
Well, no, no.
40
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:26,125
This is actually, uh,
from a separate incident.
41
00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:28,250
Actually, the doctor that
I had after the hit-and-run
42
00:01:28,252 --> 00:01:29,752
got me back in tip-top shape.
43
00:01:30,063 --> 00:01:31,586
Yeah, he was great.
44
00:01:31,589 --> 00:01:33,789
In fact, he was so great
that my wife left me for him.
45
00:01:33,813 --> 00:01:35,425
[laughter]
46
00:01:35,426 --> 00:01:37,159
- Carter!
- No, I'm being serious.
47
00:01:37,161 --> 00:01:39,261
- Oh, crap.
- Yeah, it's all right.
48
00:01:39,263 --> 00:01:40,496
No, it's okay. It was my fault, though.
49
00:01:40,498 --> 00:01:42,131
You know, uh, all the pain meds
50
00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:44,033
that I was on in the hospital
got me drinking again,
51
00:01:44,035 --> 00:01:46,602
and that was something I
promised her I'd never do.
52
00:01:46,604 --> 00:01:48,104
You know, that led to my accident.
53
00:01:48,106 --> 00:01:49,839
- Drunk driving.
- Oh, no, no, no.
54
00:01:49,841 --> 00:01:52,174
This was actually from
mixed martial arts fighting.
55
00:01:52,176 --> 00:01:54,591
Yeah, guy ripped off my patella.
56
00:01:55,292 --> 00:01:58,280
I just sort of threw myself
into it after Susan left me.
57
00:01:58,282 --> 00:01:59,782
I was horrible at it, you know.
58
00:01:59,784 --> 00:02:01,584
Just kept getting my
ass kicked by black guys.
59
00:02:01,586 --> 00:02:03,119
Why say black guys?
60
00:02:03,121 --> 00:02:04,487
'Cause I could beat all the white guys.
61
00:02:04,489 --> 00:02:06,188
- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Yeah.
62
00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:07,957
No, I thought this
injury was my rock bottom,
63
00:02:07,959 --> 00:02:09,525
but, uh, well, then this happened.
64
00:02:09,527 --> 00:02:11,627
- Luke Skywalker hand!
- Whoa!
65
00:02:11,629 --> 00:02:13,829
- Yeah.
- How did that happen?
66
00:02:13,831 --> 00:02:15,197
Yeah, well, you're gonna
think this is made up,
67
00:02:15,199 --> 00:02:16,532
but my dad cut off my hand.
68
00:02:16,534 --> 00:02:18,067
- Oh!
- Yeah.
69
00:02:18,069 --> 00:02:20,402
Hey, silver lining, it
did sober me up. Yeah.
70
00:02:20,404 --> 00:02:22,838
And I got rehired back at Chrysler.
71
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,084
- Oh, good.
- Yeah.
72
00:02:24,109 --> 00:02:26,442
By my old prot?g?, who's
now the VP of marketing.
73
00:02:26,444 --> 00:02:28,644
Half the salary, got a
cubicle instead of an office,
74
00:02:28,646 --> 00:02:30,346
so yep, it's been a long,
75
00:02:30,348 --> 00:02:33,941
rough road recently
for old Carter Grant.
76
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:36,574
I'll tell you what.
77
00:02:37,317 --> 00:02:38,981
Winning a D Award tonight,
78
00:02:39,945 --> 00:02:41,223
that'll make the pain go away.
79
00:02:41,713 --> 00:02:43,192
We're actually up for the last ad
80
00:02:43,194 --> 00:02:44,880
we made under my watch.
81
00:02:45,571 --> 00:02:47,163
Oh, it was the Chrysler Pacifica spot
82
00:02:47,165 --> 00:02:48,697
that you guys missed out on.
83
00:02:48,699 --> 00:02:51,500
Wait, that campaign
was for a specific car?
84
00:02:51,502 --> 00:02:53,802
I thought it was just
for Chrysler in general.
85
00:02:53,850 --> 00:02:56,991
No, car companies don't
really make generic commercials
86
00:02:57,019 --> 00:02:58,492
for the entire brand.
87
00:02:58,843 --> 00:03:02,570
If you want a specific car,
get a Chrysler Pacifica.
88
00:03:03,481 --> 00:03:04,535
It's a little late.
89
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:05,881
And not very good.
90
00:03:05,883 --> 00:03:06,925
Understand.
91
00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,318
Looks like your drinks are here.
92
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,471
Oh, yeah.
93
00:03:11,155 --> 00:03:14,089
Well... good luck, Carter.
94
00:03:14,091 --> 00:03:15,391
Yeah, good luck.
95
00:03:15,839 --> 00:03:16,759
Thanks, guys.
96
00:03:16,784 --> 00:03:18,005
Really appreciate it.
97
00:03:18,396 --> 00:03:20,003
You remind me of, uh,
98
00:03:20,655 --> 00:03:21,897
better times.
99
00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:23,545
I should go sit down,
100
00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:25,701
as I'm in a great deal of pain.
101
00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:28,691
Okay.
102
00:03:38,115 --> 00:03:39,748
Excuse me. Could we...
103
00:03:39,951 --> 00:03:41,250
Like, a tray or something?
104
00:03:41,252 --> 00:03:43,085
- Something to carry this?
- Just a tray...
105
00:03:43,087 --> 00:03:44,819
What you've done here is ridiculous.
106
00:03:44,877 --> 00:03:46,108
Next time
107
00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:47,155
When they ask you
108
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:48,624
Where you're from
109
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,730
You gon' say Detroit city
110
00:03:51,755 --> 00:03:55,297
When we get back on our feet,yeah
111
00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:56,866
Yeah
112
00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:58,701
Ladies and gentlemen,
113
00:03:58,703 --> 00:04:00,603
please welcome to the stage
our host for the evening,
114
00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:01,904
Detroit's favorite son,
115
00:04:01,906 --> 00:04:03,505
the cohost of "Tool Time,"
116
00:04:03,507 --> 00:04:06,208
Al Borland!
117
00:04:06,232 --> 00:04:08,232
[cheers and applause]
118
00:04:08,637 --> 00:04:10,312
Thank you very much.
119
00:04:10,314 --> 00:04:14,316
Uh, you know, I asked them
not to introduce me like that.
120
00:04:14,535 --> 00:04:16,836
Al Borland is a fictional character
121
00:04:16,861 --> 00:04:18,787
from a show called "Home Improvement."
122
00:04:18,789 --> 00:04:21,357
I am not Al Borland.
123
00:04:22,818 --> 00:04:24,818
[applause]
124
00:04:24,962 --> 00:04:27,258
I'm Richard Karn, and
I'd like to welcome you
125
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,909
to Detroit Advertising's
night of the year:
126
00:04:29,934 --> 00:04:31,634
the D Awards!
127
00:04:31,658 --> 00:04:33,336
[cheers and applause]
128
00:04:33,337 --> 00:04:35,571
I'll tell you, the producers asked me
129
00:04:35,573 --> 00:04:37,819
not to sing tonight.
130
00:04:38,776 --> 00:04:40,009
Yeah, right.
131
00:04:40,033 --> 00:04:41,344
[cheers and applause]
132
00:04:41,345 --> 00:04:42,978
Maestro!
133
00:04:43,002 --> 00:04:45,002
[jazzy music playing]
134
00:04:45,026 --> 00:04:47,026
135
00:04:47,847 --> 00:04:49,847
[gasps and laughter]
136
00:04:50,073 --> 00:04:52,073
137
00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:56,894
Well, tonight is your night
138
00:04:58,129 --> 00:05:01,597
And the light is just right
139
00:05:01,599 --> 00:05:05,148
If you try you just might
140
00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:08,537
Win a D tonight
141
00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:10,139
And the D for graphic design...
142
00:05:10,141 --> 00:05:12,775
Let your dreams take flight
143
00:05:12,777 --> 00:05:14,443
Pomerantz and Klein!
144
00:05:14,445 --> 00:05:16,512
High in the sky like a kite
145
00:05:16,514 --> 00:05:17,513
Crazy Morgan.
146
00:05:17,515 --> 00:05:19,114
With this D
147
00:05:19,116 --> 00:05:20,816
You're the best there can be
148
00:05:20,818 --> 00:05:22,484
Oh, say, can you see
149
00:05:22,486 --> 00:05:26,023
At the D Awards tonight
150
00:05:26,346 --> 00:05:28,346
[cheers and applause]
151
00:05:29,293 --> 00:05:31,327
Okay, folks, this is it.
152
00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:35,531
The D Award for Consumer
TV: Thirty Second Single.
153
00:05:35,533 --> 00:05:38,633
First up, Downriver Ale from Doner.
154
00:05:39,370 --> 00:05:41,970
Kid Rock: Detroit. A city on its knees.
155
00:05:41,972 --> 00:05:45,074
But we're ready to get
back up and stand tall.
156
00:05:45,076 --> 00:05:47,976
This is our town, and this is our beer:
157
00:05:47,978 --> 00:05:49,378
Downriver Ale.
158
00:05:49,402 --> 00:05:51,402
[applause]
159
00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:57,165
Little Caesars, also from Doner.
160
00:05:57,888 --> 00:05:59,259
Kid Rock: Detroit.
161
00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:01,323
It's not the size of
the dog in the fight.
162
00:06:01,325 --> 00:06:03,659
It's the size of the fight in the dog.
163
00:06:03,661 --> 00:06:05,227
Is that Kid Rock again?
164
00:06:05,229 --> 00:06:06,562
Kid Rock: Little Caesars.
165
00:06:06,564 --> 00:06:08,197
This is our pizza pizza.
166
00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:10,221
[applause]
167
00:06:10,881 --> 00:06:14,236
Chrysler Pacifica from
Pomerantz and Klein.
168
00:06:14,238 --> 00:06:15,671
Kid Rock: Detroit knows a little
something
169
00:06:15,673 --> 00:06:16,872
about hard work.
170
00:06:16,874 --> 00:06:18,073
Those other towns?
171
00:06:18,075 --> 00:06:19,908
They're hardly working.
172
00:06:19,910 --> 00:06:21,443
Chrysler Pacifica.
173
00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:23,013
This is our car.
174
00:06:23,037 --> 00:06:24,547
[applause]
175
00:06:24,548 --> 00:06:25,581
And finally,
176
00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:27,549
Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn.
177
00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:30,519
Cramblin-Duvet Advertising?
178
00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:33,547
Rick Mahorn from the
Pistons has a car dealership?
179
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,191
I did not know that.
180
00:06:36,215 --> 00:06:37,986
[laughter]
181
00:06:37,987 --> 00:06:40,195
- Let's take a look.
- [applause]
182
00:06:40,197 --> 00:06:43,485
Who's the superhero saving
Detroit from high prices?
183
00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:47,136
Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn!
184
00:06:47,138 --> 00:06:49,571
Help! I need to buy a car fast!
185
00:06:49,573 --> 00:06:51,106
Who can help me?
186
00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:53,130
[whooshing]
187
00:06:53,744 --> 00:06:54,926
I can help you.
188
00:06:54,926 --> 00:06:57,259
It's me, Quick Rick Mahorn of Dearborn.
189
00:06:57,261 --> 00:06:58,961
My parents were killed in an alley,
190
00:06:58,963 --> 00:07:01,832
so I became a superhero
who can run fast.
191
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,311
I can put you into an
affordable used car like that.
192
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:06,857
[snaps fingers]
193
00:07:06,882 --> 00:07:09,872
Thanks, Rick Mahorn. That was fast.
194
00:07:17,439 --> 00:07:18,813
My work here is done.
195
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:21,189
I think I'll run to France
and get me a croissant.
196
00:07:22,814 --> 00:07:23,836
Ooh, la, la.
197
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,346
You want a fast deal,
198
00:07:25,371 --> 00:07:27,737
come to Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn.
199
00:07:28,461 --> 00:07:34,027
On Greenfield and Warren
next to the big brown house
200
00:07:34,051 --> 00:07:36,051
[applause]
201
00:07:36,075 --> 00:07:38,075
[drumroll]
202
00:07:40,114 --> 00:07:41,570
And the winner is...
203
00:07:43,131 --> 00:07:45,046
Doner, Downriver Ale!
204
00:07:45,070 --> 00:07:46,811
[cheers and applause]
205
00:07:46,812 --> 00:07:48,411
Bullshit!
206
00:07:53,150 --> 00:07:54,401
We'll get 'em next time, bud.
207
00:07:54,426 --> 00:07:56,034
Even if we don't, it's still fun.
208
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,492
We'll get 'em next time.
209
00:07:57,517 --> 00:07:59,559
- All right.
- Uh, guys.
210
00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:03,162
Hey, Carter. Tough break, man.
211
00:08:03,164 --> 00:08:04,129
It's all right.
212
00:08:04,131 --> 00:08:05,529
You know, you win some, you lose...
213
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:07,512
everything.
214
00:08:08,669 --> 00:08:10,502
Who knew everyone was
gonna use Kid Rock, right?
215
00:08:10,504 --> 00:08:12,705
Yeah, there was a lot of Kid Rock.
216
00:08:12,707 --> 00:08:14,006
There was. There really was.
217
00:08:14,008 --> 00:08:16,208
Anyway, um, this is Judy Thompson.
218
00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:18,744
She's director of
marketing for Quicken Loans.
219
00:08:18,746 --> 00:08:21,346
They're actually, uh, on
the hunt for a new agency.
220
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,383
Yeah, someone small and local, and I...
221
00:08:23,384 --> 00:08:25,751
Well, you know, I recommended you guys.
222
00:08:25,753 --> 00:08:27,586
Carter raves about you two.
223
00:08:27,588 --> 00:08:29,221
I'd love to meet with you next week.
224
00:08:29,223 --> 00:08:31,957
- Absolutely.
- Yeah, we'll give you a call.
225
00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:33,107
Sounds good.
226
00:08:33,728 --> 00:08:34,651
Take care.
227
00:08:35,129 --> 00:08:37,129
- Thank you, Carter.
- Yeah.
228
00:08:37,131 --> 00:08:39,531
That was very nice of you.
229
00:08:39,533 --> 00:08:41,300
Ah, don't worry about it.
230
00:08:41,573 --> 00:08:43,181
I figure I owe you guys one.
231
00:08:43,938 --> 00:08:44,967
All right.
232
00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:49,878
Ow. [groans]
233
00:08:50,678 --> 00:08:51,661
Ow.
234
00:08:53,749 --> 00:08:55,749
[melancholy music]
235
00:08:56,384 --> 00:08:57,984
We set in motion a chain of events
236
00:08:57,986 --> 00:09:00,137
that ruined a man's life.
237
00:09:01,156 --> 00:09:03,156
I can't believe this time yesterday,
238
00:09:03,201 --> 00:09:05,852
all I cared about was
winning a stupid D Award.
239
00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:07,260
Well, we never stood a chance.
240
00:09:07,262 --> 00:09:08,828
Yeah, I know that now.
241
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,174
[upbeat music]
242
00:09:11,519 --> 00:09:13,053
Morning, Sheila.
243
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,034
These are for you.
244
00:09:15,036 --> 00:09:17,988
Oh, thank you, Rick. They're lovely.
245
00:09:18,013 --> 00:09:19,919
You think the guys are in right now?
246
00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:21,603
I want to talk to them about another ad.
247
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,620
- Go right in.
- Thank you.
248
00:09:23,645 --> 00:09:25,578
I mean, how are we gonna
compete with agencies
249
00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:27,814
like Doner and Pomerantz and Klein?
250
00:09:28,373 --> 00:09:29,416
We can't.
251
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,218
With their budgets, they
can get the best actors.
252
00:09:32,576 --> 00:09:33,920
I mean, they have Kid Rock.
253
00:09:33,922 --> 00:09:36,088
Meanwhile we're stuck with Rick Mahorn.
254
00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:38,324
- Yeah.
- I mean, bless his heart,
255
00:09:38,699 --> 00:09:41,592
but Rick Mahorn can't act his
way out of a wet paper bag.
256
00:09:41,616 --> 00:09:43,616
[melancholy music]
257
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,640
258
00:09:48,402 --> 00:09:50,303
Well, let's not dwell on it.
259
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,105
Let's just come up with
a pitch for Quicken Loans.
260
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:56,075
Yeah, okay. Um...
261
00:09:56,912 --> 00:09:58,644
- Quicken Loans.
- Quicken Loans.
262
00:09:58,826 --> 00:10:00,733
Quicken Loans, Bicken Bones.
263
00:10:01,431 --> 00:10:02,916
- Maybe.
- Yeah?
264
00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:04,817
Why is our first move always to rhyme?
265
00:10:05,198 --> 00:10:07,288
Well, don't question the process.
266
00:10:07,866 --> 00:10:09,555
Besides, Bicken Bones ain't nothing.
267
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:10,790
Oh, absolutely not.
268
00:10:10,814 --> 00:10:12,814
269
00:10:15,987 --> 00:10:19,132
Rick Mahorn can't act his
way out of a wet paper bag.
270
00:10:19,156 --> 00:10:21,156
271
00:10:21,923 --> 00:10:23,237
Ooh, yeah.
272
00:10:23,238 --> 00:10:25,505
Very good. Very good. Excellent.
273
00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:27,496
Lose all of your inhibitions.
274
00:10:27,913 --> 00:10:28,875
Yes.
275
00:10:29,051 --> 00:10:30,810
Oh, can we help you?
276
00:10:30,812 --> 00:10:32,945
Yes, you can. I want
to learn how to act.
277
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:34,747
You've come to the right place.
278
00:10:34,749 --> 00:10:35,781
Join us.
279
00:10:35,805 --> 00:10:37,805
[funky music]
280
00:10:37,829 --> 00:10:39,829
281
00:10:41,456 --> 00:10:42,822
You ready?
282
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:44,658
No. Are you ready?
283
00:10:44,659 --> 00:10:46,158
No.
284
00:10:46,511 --> 00:10:48,327
So what do you have for us?
285
00:10:48,777 --> 00:10:51,562
We open on a family in
front of their dream home.
286
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:54,166
In order to afford the dream home,
287
00:10:54,168 --> 00:10:56,702
the family needs a loan. Why?
288
00:10:56,704 --> 00:11:00,500
Because two maniacs ran over
their dad and ruined his life.
289
00:11:01,319 --> 00:11:02,875
So the dad's long gone.
290
00:11:02,877 --> 00:11:04,343
Lost his hand.
291
00:11:04,345 --> 00:11:07,757
Are you guys talking about Carter Grant?
292
00:11:08,928 --> 00:11:11,922
- No.
- Can we finish, please?
293
00:11:12,093 --> 00:11:14,921
- Okay.
- Um, so the mom needs a loan.
294
00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:16,255
Who does she turn to?
295
00:11:16,257 --> 00:11:18,558
The big stuffy banks? Psh, no, thanks.
296
00:11:18,582 --> 00:11:19,893
[laughter]
297
00:11:19,894 --> 00:11:21,060
Quicken Loans?
298
00:11:21,538 --> 00:11:23,529
Hmm. Maybe.
299
00:11:23,860 --> 00:11:25,036
But who are they?
300
00:11:25,596 --> 00:11:27,900
What are they? I don't know.
301
00:11:28,117 --> 00:11:29,119
Why?
302
00:11:30,675 --> 00:11:32,338
Because you need a mascot.
303
00:11:32,895 --> 00:11:35,108
Buying a home should be fun.
304
00:11:35,109 --> 00:11:37,471
It shouldn't be scary.
305
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:41,213
It shouldn't make you
think of your own mortality
306
00:11:41,475 --> 00:11:42,982
and that we're all gonna die
307
00:11:42,984 --> 00:11:46,285
and one day, a man's gonna
shove cotton up your butthole.
308
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,888
I apologize; I'm going through
some personal stuff right now,
309
00:11:48,890 --> 00:11:50,222
and I think some of it's seeping out.
310
00:11:50,224 --> 00:11:51,524
Yeah, me too; I'm going through
311
00:11:51,526 --> 00:11:52,858
the same stuff as him, actually.
312
00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:54,427
Yeah, it's the same personal stuff
313
00:11:54,429 --> 00:11:55,795
- that we're going through.
- Exact same event.
314
00:11:55,797 --> 00:11:56,721
Uh...
315
00:11:57,065 --> 00:11:58,431
buying a home should be fun.
316
00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:00,700
It shouldn't be scary.
317
00:12:00,702 --> 00:12:01,667
It...
318
00:12:07,968 --> 00:12:09,040
You know what?
319
00:12:09,794 --> 00:12:11,377
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
320
00:12:12,647 --> 00:12:14,180
I'm well aware that we have you
321
00:12:14,182 --> 00:12:15,748
in the palm of our hands right now,
322
00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,883
and I could pull down
this card right now,
323
00:12:17,885 --> 00:12:19,518
show you this mascot.
324
00:12:19,999 --> 00:12:21,530
Oh. Oh!
325
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,890
And it would blow each
and every one of you
326
00:12:24,892 --> 00:12:26,627
out of the water.
327
00:12:26,939 --> 00:12:28,830
But I'm afraid that would all be fruit
328
00:12:29,057 --> 00:12:30,563
from a poisonous tree.
329
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:33,966
So we respectfully
decline your business.
330
00:12:34,978 --> 00:12:36,102
Thank you for your time.
331
00:12:36,104 --> 00:12:37,903
Thank you for your
time and your respect.
332
00:12:37,905 --> 00:12:39,672
- Thank you.
- No worries.
333
00:12:39,674 --> 00:12:42,908
To be honest, we just set
this meeting up to be polite.
334
00:12:42,910 --> 00:12:45,244
You know, I wish people
would quit doing that!
335
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:47,631
It's mean!
336
00:12:47,922 --> 00:12:49,749
This is, like, our real
job, you know what I mean?
337
00:12:49,751 --> 00:12:51,489
It's not, like, a game.
338
00:12:51,836 --> 00:12:52,936
Ugh!
339
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,887
What a frickin' joke.
340
00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:00,593
I've got to see this mascot.
341
00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:06,624
[screams]
342
00:13:10,188 --> 00:13:11,506
What did he tell you, Bobby?
343
00:13:11,761 --> 00:13:12,972
Huck's been shot. He's dead.
344
00:13:12,974 --> 00:13:14,240
He's in heaven.
345
00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:17,910
Uh, and scene.
346
00:13:21,754 --> 00:13:24,473
You loved Huck.
347
00:13:25,742 --> 00:13:27,926
- Thanks, Coach.
- Mm-hmm.
348
00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:30,726
And again.
349
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,887
What did he tell you, Bobby?
350
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,745
[crying] He said Huck's been shot.
351
00:13:34,886 --> 00:13:36,185
He's dead.
352
00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:37,830
He's going to heaven now.
353
00:13:37,832 --> 00:13:39,131
And scene.
354
00:13:39,133 --> 00:13:40,166
Yes!
355
00:13:40,190 --> 00:13:42,190
[applause]
356
00:13:43,538 --> 00:13:44,704
Yes!
357
00:13:44,728 --> 00:13:46,728
[triumphant music]
358
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:50,007
I think we found our Mama.
359
00:13:51,674 --> 00:13:53,779
I can't live like this anymore.
360
00:13:54,195 --> 00:13:56,081
We have to tell Carter what we did.
361
00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:58,302
No way, man.
362
00:13:59,336 --> 00:14:00,920
We'll go to jail, Sam.
363
00:14:01,303 --> 00:14:02,525
We almost killed him.
364
00:14:06,265 --> 00:14:09,495
So, uh, do you have any
ideas for a commercial?
365
00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:10,970
We have to be honest, man.
366
00:14:10,995 --> 00:14:12,264
We don't.
367
00:14:12,266 --> 00:14:13,733
What's the name of your store again?
368
00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:16,602
It's just called Electronics Store.
369
00:14:17,074 --> 00:14:18,804
Yeah, there's nothing
we can do with that.
370
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,236
[slow rock music]
371
00:14:26,019 --> 00:14:28,953
And so the proof turned out
not to be in the pudding
372
00:14:29,078 --> 00:14:32,074
but, rather, in the
murderer's blood and semen.
373
00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:35,306
[laughing] We'll be back after these words.
374
00:14:35,914 --> 00:14:38,791
This weekend, be sure to
catch "All the Fixin's,"
375
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:41,727
an original play starring
Pistons legend Rick Mahorn.
376
00:14:41,729 --> 00:14:43,262
Rick Mahorn's in a play?
377
00:14:43,264 --> 00:14:45,297
It's got all the laughs, all the tears,
378
00:14:45,299 --> 00:14:46,432
all the fixin's.
379
00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:47,433
That's what the TV said.
380
00:14:47,435 --> 00:14:48,701
Tim, just... Obviously.
381
00:14:49,350 --> 00:14:50,896
_
382
00:14:59,036 --> 00:15:00,513
Prisoner 44,
383
00:15:00,778 --> 00:15:02,786
why should we let you out of jail today?
384
00:15:03,082 --> 00:15:05,096
Because it's my mama's birthday.
385
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,120
386
00:15:09,888 --> 00:15:11,385
Hey, hey, what's up? What's up?
387
00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:13,443
Hey, where's mama?
388
00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:16,820
Bobby, Mama's sick.
389
00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:25,135
I've done everything
I can for this family,
390
00:15:25,137 --> 00:15:26,703
worked my fingers to the bone.
391
00:15:26,705 --> 00:15:28,238
Don't talk to me like that.
392
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,727
- I'm a grown-ass man.
- Stop it. Enough!
393
00:15:30,727 --> 00:15:32,179
I'm going to get Mama.
394
00:15:41,811 --> 00:15:43,978
- Mama!
- Mama!
395
00:15:45,441 --> 00:15:47,174
I've been in this bed
396
00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:50,332
listening to y'all in
here fussing and cussing.
397
00:15:51,528 --> 00:15:53,424
I ain't raised y'all like that.
398
00:15:53,518 --> 00:15:54,783
Go for it, Rick.
399
00:15:54,981 --> 00:15:57,164
Someone set that stove on
400
00:15:57,486 --> 00:15:59,610
and bring me all the fixin's.
401
00:15:59,635 --> 00:16:00,759
Whoo!
402
00:16:01,187 --> 00:16:03,421
You think we gon' miss
a meal in this house?
403
00:16:03,867 --> 00:16:05,326
Bullshit!
404
00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:07,350
[laughter and applause]
405
00:16:10,065 --> 00:16:12,466
I'll never get a chance
to tell Mama the truth
406
00:16:12,952 --> 00:16:14,468
of what I did that day,
407
00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:17,226
and I'll regret it for
the rest of my life.
408
00:16:22,444 --> 00:16:24,010
We have to tell Carter.
409
00:16:24,012 --> 00:16:25,528
Yeah, we'll tell him
first thing tomorrow.
410
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,552
[cheers and applause]
411
00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:35,592
Both: Detroit basketball!
412
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:37,357
All: Rick! Rick! Rick!
413
00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:39,697
Rick! Rick! Rick! Rick!
414
00:16:40,623 --> 00:16:41,828
Don't look over there.
415
00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:43,730
Those are cars that
haven't been released yet.
416
00:16:43,732 --> 00:16:45,332
[laughs] I'm screwing around.
417
00:16:45,334 --> 00:16:46,700
Well, this is me.
418
00:16:46,702 --> 00:16:48,034
I know. I know. It's small.
419
00:16:48,036 --> 00:16:50,137
- Oh, no.
- It is.
420
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,722
- Tim.
- It is.
421
00:16:52,241 --> 00:16:54,341
So I heard you guys really tanked
the Quicken Loans meeting, huh?
422
00:16:54,343 --> 00:16:56,009
- Just chunked it.
- Yeah?
423
00:16:56,011 --> 00:16:58,512
Yeah, but that's actually
not why we're here.
424
00:16:58,905 --> 00:17:00,514
Carter, we have something
425
00:17:00,516 --> 00:17:02,082
very important to tell you.
426
00:17:02,434 --> 00:17:04,384
Yeah? Well, you're
catching me on a good day.
427
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:06,219
You're not gonna believe this, but, uh,
428
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,288
well, I was walking home last night.
429
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:10,891
Who do I bump into? Shandy Hogan.
430
00:17:10,893 --> 00:17:12,659
- Wow!
- Oh, that's great!
431
00:17:12,661 --> 00:17:15,762
- What are the odds?
- Oh, you know her.
432
00:17:15,764 --> 00:17:17,864
- No.
- We were just being supportive.
433
00:17:17,866 --> 00:17:20,267
Yeah, go on, Shandy Hogan or whatever.
434
00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:22,504
Yeah, Shandy Hogan, yeah,
my high school sweetheart.
435
00:17:23,138 --> 00:17:24,437
First girl I ever loved,
436
00:17:24,439 --> 00:17:25,505
and guess what she does for a living.
437
00:17:25,507 --> 00:17:26,740
- Pilot.
- No.
438
00:17:26,742 --> 00:17:28,675
- Sleazy record producer.
- No.
439
00:17:28,677 --> 00:17:29,709
- Drummer.
- No.
440
00:17:29,711 --> 00:17:30,844
Professional muscle lady.
441
00:17:30,846 --> 00:17:32,579
No, guys, it's something good.
442
00:17:32,581 --> 00:17:34,681
- Knight.
- City councilwoman?
443
00:17:34,683 --> 00:17:36,683
No, she's a physical therapist.
444
00:17:36,685 --> 00:17:38,351
- Yeah, that's okay.
- Oh, sweet.
445
00:17:38,353 --> 00:17:41,188
No, it is good, because we
started talking about my leg.
446
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:43,089
Yeah, next thing you know,
we're having dinner together.
447
00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:44,925
Next thing you know,
we've been talking so long
448
00:17:44,927 --> 00:17:47,160
that the restaurant closes around
us and they had to kick us out.
449
00:17:47,162 --> 00:17:48,662
Oh, those assholes!
450
00:17:48,664 --> 00:17:49,763
Oh, no, it was fine.
451
00:17:49,765 --> 00:17:50,830
It was great, actually.
452
00:17:50,832 --> 00:17:52,098
I'm gonna see her again tonight.
453
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:54,067
Oh, Carter, that's great.
454
00:17:54,069 --> 00:17:55,068
It's funny, you know?
455
00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:56,528
Had I met her a year ago,
456
00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:59,251
I would have been married to
some woman that, let's face it,
457
00:17:59,864 --> 00:18:01,675
I obviously wasn't supposed to be with.
458
00:18:01,677 --> 00:18:03,014
Ain't life something?
459
00:18:03,345 --> 00:18:05,024
So I guess you're saying
460
00:18:05,614 --> 00:18:07,347
getting hit by that car
461
00:18:07,349 --> 00:18:10,142
was the best thing that
ever happened to you.
462
00:18:11,186 --> 00:18:12,752
Well, I wouldn't say that.
463
00:18:13,386 --> 00:18:14,387
Would you, please?
464
00:18:14,389 --> 00:18:15,388
Please what?
465
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:16,723
Say getting hit by that car
466
00:18:16,725 --> 00:18:18,438
was the best thing that
ever happened to you?
467
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:22,041
- Why?
- No reason.
468
00:18:22,564 --> 00:18:24,464
Might be fun to say out loud.
469
00:18:24,747 --> 00:18:25,896
See how it feels.
470
00:18:33,978 --> 00:18:35,342
You guys ran over me.
471
00:18:35,366 --> 00:18:38,193
[both laughing]
472
00:18:40,852 --> 00:18:43,185
Yeah. Yeah, we ran over you.
473
00:18:43,986 --> 00:18:45,258
Guilty!
474
00:18:45,821 --> 00:18:47,988
You guys ran over me. You did.
475
00:18:47,990 --> 00:18:49,689
You put a bag of chips on my head,
476
00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:52,058
and you dumped me in the
woods, and you left me for dead.
477
00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:54,494
[mockingly] "You threw me in
the woods and left me for dead."
478
00:18:54,496 --> 00:18:57,197
Hey, did you? Yes or no?
479
00:18:57,199 --> 00:18:59,099
Yes! We ran you over.
480
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,801
Carter, we are so sorry.
481
00:19:01,803 --> 00:19:04,704
You dumb son of a
bitches ruined my life.
482
00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:06,581
Look, it was just an accident.
483
00:19:07,028 --> 00:19:09,277
Yeah, Carter, we'll do
anything to make it up to you.
484
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,278
Make it up to me? How
are you gonna make up
485
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,580
starting off a chain of
events that led to this?
486
00:19:14,171 --> 00:19:16,182
Well, I mean, there's
got to be something.
487
00:19:16,184 --> 00:19:18,184
No, there's nothing you could do
488
00:19:18,186 --> 00:19:20,053
to make us even for
what you've done to me.
489
00:19:22,224 --> 00:19:23,423
Yes, there is.
490
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,627
Oh, you think I'm just gonna let you off
491
00:19:27,629 --> 00:19:28,962
by sucking my [bleep]?
492
00:19:28,964 --> 00:19:30,330
- That's not it.
- Tim, is that it?
493
00:19:30,332 --> 00:19:31,665
- That's not it.
- Oh, okay, okay.
494
00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:32,932
- That's not what I was thinking.
- Okay.
495
00:19:32,934 --> 00:19:34,123
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
496
00:19:34,147 --> 00:19:36,147
[dramatic music]
497
00:19:36,269 --> 00:19:37,937
This sucks!
498
00:19:39,738 --> 00:19:41,738
[dramatic music]
499
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:43,122
You ready, assholes?
500
00:19:43,199 --> 00:19:45,866
- No!
- Hey, uh, we changed our minds.
501
00:19:45,868 --> 00:19:47,868
Yeah? Well, tough shit,
'cause here I come.
502
00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:49,892
[engine revving, tires squealing]
503
00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:51,973
Aaaah!
504
00:19:51,975 --> 00:19:53,474
Cover up your hog!
505
00:19:53,476 --> 00:19:55,576
I can't. My hands aren't big enough.
506
00:19:55,578 --> 00:19:57,078
[laughs] That's good.
507
00:19:57,102 --> 00:19:59,102
[all screaming]
508
00:19:59,126 --> 00:20:01,126
509
00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,150
[The Platters' "You'll Never, Never Know"
510
00:20:03,174 --> 00:20:05,174
[slow doo-wop music]
511
00:20:05,198 --> 00:20:07,198
512
00:20:11,947 --> 00:20:13,206
[thudding]
513
00:20:13,231 --> 00:20:14,385
[tires screeching]
514
00:20:14,410 --> 00:20:15,833
[laughs]
515
00:20:16,599 --> 00:20:18,393
Sons of bitches.
516
00:20:20,372 --> 00:20:21,803
You'll never know
517
00:20:21,828 --> 00:20:24,675
You'll never, never know I care
518
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,112
Wah, oh
519
00:20:27,137 --> 00:20:28,754
You'll never know
520
00:20:28,779 --> 00:20:30,083
The torch I bear
521
00:20:30,873 --> 00:20:32,656
I'd piss on you right now,
522
00:20:33,553 --> 00:20:34,882
but I'm a Chrysler man.
523
00:20:35,565 --> 00:20:36,799
That's not how we do things.
524
00:20:38,798 --> 00:20:39,963
[spits]
525
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,781
No, no, you'll never
526
00:20:43,315 --> 00:20:45,744
Oh, no, you'll never
527
00:20:47,009 --> 00:20:50,907
Ever know
528
00:20:51,561 --> 00:20:54,639
You'll never know
529
00:20:56,151 --> 00:20:58,583
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
530
00:20:59,028 --> 00:21:01,028
Alright, that shit, folks!
531
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,496
I have been Richard Karn.
You have been wonderful.
532
00:21:04,684 --> 00:21:06,684
Drive safe! We'll see ya next year.
533
00:21:06,708 --> 00:21:09,007
And if you're watching
at home, I don't know how,
534
00:21:09,031 --> 00:21:10,257
we're not televised.
535
00:21:10,282 --> 00:21:11,414
Get on, everybody!
536
00:21:11,464 --> 00:21:16,014
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