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1
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2
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The museum received a
shipment of medieval artifacts
3
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from a European donor last week.
4
00:00:09,128 --> 00:00:11,094
But whenever we try
to put them on display,
5
00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:13,606
the pieces start to
parry around on their own.
6
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Wow, cool!
7
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Well, it's a spectacle
to behold, for sure,
8
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but there are swords involved.
9
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Are you sure you want
me to undo the one thing
10
00:00:21,129 --> 00:00:22,394
that might make this museum interesting?
11
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It's an insurance issue.
12
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It is? Okay, good enough.
13
00:00:26,641 --> 00:00:27,912
Well, milady, rest assured.
14
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Pac is on the job,
15
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so you can go back to
curing whatever diseases
16
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- you cure here...
- I curate art.
17
00:00:34,472 --> 00:00:36,630
And I can parry on down here.
18
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,496
Well, just be careful.
19
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Some of these pieces are beyond value.
20
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Sure, sure, sure, sure.
21
00:00:42,595 --> 00:00:44,484
Oh, yeah.
22
00:00:44,485 --> 00:00:47,464
23
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[blows]
24
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Wherefore art thou, ghost?
25
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[electricity buzzes]
26
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27
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Come on. I don't got all day.
28
00:01:04,792 --> 00:01:05,951
I mean, I do, but I just...
29
00:01:06,098 --> 00:01:07,534
I'd rather finish up
before this Adderall...
30
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,435
[metal creaks]
31
00:01:11,465 --> 00:01:12,534
Yeah.
32
00:01:12,535 --> 00:01:14,534
Okay. Ah,
33
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I got you, you little fuck face.
34
00:01:16,545 --> 00:01:18,535
35
00:01:21,525 --> 00:01:24,494
Oh, God, my back is killing me.
36
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Oh, these pistachios.
37
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[groaning]
38
00:01:30,515 --> 00:01:31,625
Aha!
39
00:01:34,575 --> 00:01:36,454
My button's stuck.
40
00:01:36,455 --> 00:01:37,524
You got my button there.
41
00:01:37,525 --> 00:01:39,494
Let go, you big... [grunts]
42
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- [crashes]
- Oh, shit, no!
43
00:01:41,128 --> 00:01:43,127
Uh-uh. That's not on me.
44
00:01:43,152 --> 00:01:45,500
That's... that's on you,
Knight of the Living Dead!
45
00:01:45,525 --> 00:01:48,404
I am no knight.
46
00:01:48,405 --> 00:01:51,464
I am King Stevelyn Newcastle.
47
00:01:51,465 --> 00:01:53,514
Okay.
48
00:01:53,515 --> 00:01:55,495
But that's still on you.
49
00:01:57,605 --> 00:02:00,485
50
00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:05,644
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
51
00:02:31,142 --> 00:02:32,495
What sorcery is this
52
00:02:32,495 --> 00:02:35,504
that a man can confer with spirits?
53
00:02:35,505 --> 00:02:37,464
I'm a medium. It's an accepted thing.
54
00:02:37,465 --> 00:02:39,564
Why have you the cloak
of a wizard, then?
55
00:02:39,565 --> 00:02:41,822
Cloak of a wiz... oh, shit, no.
56
00:02:41,823 --> 00:02:43,384
It's a hoodie. They
call it a hood... hoodie
57
00:02:43,409 --> 00:02:44,842
'cause it's got a hood on it.
58
00:02:44,843 --> 00:02:46,872
I'm guessing you're
not from around here.
59
00:02:46,873 --> 00:02:48,841
I reigned over a kingdom once.
60
00:02:48,842 --> 00:02:51,396
- There it is.
- A magnificent kingdom
61
00:02:51,397 --> 00:02:52,535
in a land far off.
62
00:02:52,536 --> 00:02:54,932
One day, my men and I were returning
63
00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:57,434
from a most fruitful
hunt in the White Wood.
64
00:02:57,435 --> 00:03:00,473
My son... my only son Lonathan
65
00:03:00,475 --> 00:03:02,544
was on the ripe tip of manhood.
66
00:03:02,545 --> 00:03:04,474
[snickers]
67
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,604
I'm sorry. As you were, Your Majesty.
68
00:03:06,605 --> 00:03:08,544
But as we neared the kingdom gates,
69
00:03:08,545 --> 00:03:10,505
we fell under siege.
70
00:03:11,575 --> 00:03:14,574
[yelling]
71
00:03:14,575 --> 00:03:16,604
And when I turned my back...
72
00:03:16,605 --> 00:03:17,634
[groans]
73
00:03:17,635 --> 00:03:19,525
Betrayal.
74
00:03:22,485 --> 00:03:24,514
- [groans]
- [laughs]
75
00:03:24,515 --> 00:03:25,634
Twice crossed
76
00:03:25,635 --> 00:03:28,614
by my most trusted knight,
77
00:03:28,615 --> 00:03:30,614
Jerryd the Liar.
78
00:03:30,615 --> 00:03:32,544
Jerryd the Liar?
79
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,504
I probably should have seen it cometh.
80
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:38,484
- Maybe a little bit.
- Jerryd took the crown that day.
81
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:41,574
And darkness spread across the land
82
00:03:41,575 --> 00:03:45,079
like syphilis across
a whore's lady-flower.
83
00:03:45,104 --> 00:03:48,184
The throne must be returned
to my bloodline, hooded man.
84
00:03:48,185 --> 00:03:51,293
Peace and honor must be restored.
85
00:03:51,294 --> 00:03:54,183
Yeah, I'm not doing this job.
86
00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:56,143
What do you mean you're
not going to do it?
87
00:03:56,144 --> 00:03:58,143
Your ghost is an old-timey king
88
00:03:58,144 --> 00:03:59,203
and his unfinished business
89
00:03:59,204 --> 00:04:00,518
is basically impossible for me to do
90
00:04:00,543 --> 00:04:02,606
because of how much time
has passed, understand?
91
00:04:02,631 --> 00:04:05,811
Also, he, uh... he knocked over
one of your things over here.
92
00:04:05,836 --> 00:04:06,925
Which king?
93
00:04:06,926 --> 00:04:10,136
- Uh...
- Stevelyn Newcastle.
94
00:04:10,136 --> 00:04:12,294
- Stevelyn Newcastle.
- Steve?
95
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:15,365
Steve was a cashier
at the museum gift shop
96
00:04:15,390 --> 00:04:17,269
who was really into LARPing.
97
00:04:17,270 --> 00:04:18,299
Oh, shit.
98
00:04:18,688 --> 00:04:19,807
Is that when you let a llama
99
00:04:19,808 --> 00:04:21,467
lick peanut butter out
of your smelly button?
100
00:04:21,468 --> 00:04:22,606
- What?
- Hmm?
101
00:04:22,606 --> 00:04:25,545
LARPing stands for Live
Action Role Playing.
102
00:04:25,546 --> 00:04:28,076
I cast a lightning bolt on you!
103
00:04:28,077 --> 00:04:30,742
I block it with the
armor of Delyrium Onyx!
104
00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:32,867
Lightning bolt, lightning
bolt, lightning bolt!
105
00:04:32,892 --> 00:04:35,164
[yelling, grunting]
106
00:04:35,189 --> 00:04:36,668
Oh, wait! Just... can you hold on?
107
00:04:36,669 --> 00:04:39,073
Stevelyn Newcastle was
his character's name.
108
00:04:39,074 --> 00:04:41,272
[grunting]
109
00:04:41,273 --> 00:04:44,192
- [grunting, yelling]
- [laughing]
110
00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:47,162
Oh, death! [groans]
111
00:04:47,623 --> 00:04:48,682
He was so into LARPing,
112
00:04:48,683 --> 00:04:50,742
he actually died while playing the game.
113
00:04:50,744 --> 00:04:52,704
[grunts]
114
00:04:54,554 --> 00:04:56,209
You gotta be kidding me!
115
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:58,592
I know not of what this
pasty peasant speaks,
116
00:04:58,617 --> 00:05:00,276
nor do I know of this Steve.
117
00:05:00,276 --> 00:05:02,024
- Oh, shit.
- What?
118
00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:04,856
Steve... Stevelyn... died in character,
119
00:05:04,881 --> 00:05:07,069
so now he's trapped in
character as a ghost.
120
00:05:07,094 --> 00:05:10,245
I can't stand the idea
of Steve's weirdo ghost
121
00:05:10,246 --> 00:05:11,385
roaming around all these weapons.
122
00:05:11,386 --> 00:05:14,435
Hooded man, I implore thee.
123
00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:19,244
Return the kingdom of Quam
to my only son, Lonathan.
124
00:05:19,246 --> 00:05:20,265
125
00:05:20,266 --> 00:05:22,275
[sighs]
126
00:05:22,276 --> 00:05:24,295
This is gonna be so fucking hard.
127
00:05:24,296 --> 00:05:25,718
No, I'll double the fee.
128
00:05:26,652 --> 00:05:28,333
So she agreed to pay you triple?
129
00:05:28,358 --> 00:05:29,497
Yeah. I wouldn't get
too excited, though.
130
00:05:29,498 --> 00:05:31,477
I have a feeling there's
some nerdy shit ahead.
131
00:05:31,478 --> 00:05:33,033
Yeah, no kidding. This LARPing game
132
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,750
- sounds lame, huh?
- Yeah. Here we are.
133
00:05:34,775 --> 00:05:36,796
This is where the ghost
said we'd find his son
134
00:05:36,821 --> 00:05:38,790
- "laying in wait."
- [chuckling]
135
00:05:38,791 --> 00:05:40,721
It's so stupid!
136
00:05:42,841 --> 00:05:45,384
137
00:05:45,416 --> 00:05:46,600
Good day.
138
00:05:46,625 --> 00:05:50,434
Is, uh, one of you handsome
young squires Prince Lonathan?
139
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,770
Prince Lonathan?
140
00:05:51,771 --> 00:05:53,810
- You know him?
- I do.
141
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:57,116
He was... me.
142
00:05:57,116 --> 00:05:59,868
You're Steve's son?
143
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,361
No, no.
144
00:06:01,386 --> 00:06:04,105
Lonathan was Stevelyn's son in the game.
145
00:06:04,106 --> 00:06:05,623
Ah. Okay, look,
146
00:06:05,941 --> 00:06:07,907
- I'm a medium...
- Uh-huh.
147
00:06:07,932 --> 00:06:10,861
And I was speaking to the
ghost of Steve... Stevelyn.
148
00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:13,841
And the "king" needs his "son"
149
00:06:13,842 --> 00:06:15,473
to retake the "throne."
150
00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:18,814
Oh, I... I'm really sorry.
I would love to help you out,
151
00:06:19,085 --> 00:06:22,303
but... when my father was slain,
152
00:06:22,328 --> 00:06:25,463
his bannermen disbanded
to all corners of Quam.
153
00:06:25,464 --> 00:06:27,563
I am now forced to live out my days
154
00:06:27,564 --> 00:06:29,613
as a lowly shopkeep
155
00:06:29,614 --> 00:06:33,413
unless by some miracle of Zeus
156
00:06:33,414 --> 00:06:36,603
you are able to round
up my father's knights.
157
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:38,494
[groans]
158
00:06:40,404 --> 00:06:42,524
159
00:06:46,464 --> 00:06:49,524
[chatter over P.A.]
160
00:06:51,404 --> 00:06:52,603
[knocking]
161
00:06:52,604 --> 00:06:54,533
Hi.
162
00:06:54,534 --> 00:06:56,056
Excuse me.
163
00:06:56,056 --> 00:07:00,185
Are you, uh, Yorba the Goblin-Slayer?
164
00:07:01,105 --> 00:07:03,446
Yes, sir. As a matter of fact,
we have several wooden lamps.
165
00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:04,574
We have oak, birch...
166
00:07:04,575 --> 00:07:07,252
Hey, I'm looking for Roeble the Insane.
167
00:07:07,459 --> 00:07:08,504
Well...
168
00:07:08,505 --> 00:07:10,624
- [headset feedback squeals]
- you fucking found him.
169
00:07:10,625 --> 00:07:12,189
[dial tone beeping]
170
00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:15,219
Do I miss the Golden
Battle Axe? Sure, I do.
171
00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:18,219
Do I miss slaying goblins? Of course.
172
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:21,309
So, yeah, I'm in.
173
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,189
Oh, okay!
174
00:07:23,214 --> 00:07:24,796
[imitates Axe whooshing]
175
00:07:24,955 --> 00:07:26,235
If I don't kill someone in LARPing,
176
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:29,149
I'm gonna have to start
killing people in real life.
177
00:07:29,744 --> 00:07:30,943
Is that a cry for help?
178
00:07:30,968 --> 00:07:34,082
- It's a cry for battle.
- When we're done with all this,
179
00:07:34,107 --> 00:07:35,427
we should probably get
you somebody to talk to.
180
00:07:35,427 --> 00:07:37,576
Do I look like I need that?
181
00:07:37,577 --> 00:07:39,506
Yeah.
182
00:07:40,022 --> 00:07:41,131
Well, I have one more knight.
183
00:07:41,132 --> 00:07:43,102
The, uh, Neck-ro-manker?
184
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:46,708
[Scottish accent] The Necromancer...
185
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,742
- Necromancer.
- Is a she.
186
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:51,281
- Ooh.
- Ye shall find her at...
187
00:07:51,282 --> 00:07:53,025
[normal accent] Lowell's Funeral Home.
188
00:07:53,025 --> 00:07:55,064
Wait, wait. It's not...
189
00:07:55,065 --> 00:07:58,220
Yes! A million times, yes.
190
00:08:00,045 --> 00:08:01,214
Ugh.
191
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:05,035
- Stand up.
- [horn honks]
192
00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:08,554
Good news, Your Royal Vaginess.
193
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,563
Your infantry has arrived.
194
00:08:10,588 --> 00:08:15,517
- Knights, enter!
- [imitates trumpet]
195
00:08:16,022 --> 00:08:18,062
196
00:08:23,012 --> 00:08:24,042
[inhaler hisses]
197
00:08:29,192 --> 00:08:30,192
[sneezes]
198
00:08:47,390 --> 00:08:50,439
The greatest fellowship e'er assembled.
199
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,519
200
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,450
I'm sorry.
201
00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:57,569
But it was for naught.
202
00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:58,609
What do you mean it was for naught?
203
00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:00,332
We got the whole flock there.
204
00:09:00,333 --> 00:09:02,262
Frankly, I didn't really
expect you to pull it off.
205
00:09:02,263 --> 00:09:05,030
So what's this? This was
just a big, elaborate rouge?
206
00:09:05,055 --> 00:09:06,807
- A ruse.
- So you admit it.
207
00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:08,322
No, I'm just correcting you.
208
00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,346
Whatever.
209
00:09:10,837 --> 00:09:12,926
After Jerryd slayed my father,
210
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,533
I let my guard down.
211
00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:15,682
Castration!
212
00:09:15,683 --> 00:09:18,552
[screams]
213
00:09:18,553 --> 00:09:22,492
Behold the scrotum of Lonathan!
214
00:09:22,493 --> 00:09:24,632
[cries]
215
00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:27,643
I'm sorry, but I cannot
fight without my balls.
216
00:09:30,101 --> 00:09:31,101
[whines]
217
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:36,248
You don't need your
imaginary balls to fight!
218
00:09:36,249 --> 00:09:39,188
What king would I make if
I couldn't sire an heir?
219
00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:41,352
It's all make-believe!
Boom, I'm a wizard.
220
00:09:41,377 --> 00:09:44,377
Lonathan, you magically
have your nuts back. Ta-da!
221
00:09:46,159 --> 00:09:47,139
He's so...
222
00:09:49,159 --> 00:09:51,208
I appreciate your
attempts to cheer me up,
223
00:09:51,209 --> 00:09:53,795
but only a 10th-level wizard
224
00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:55,278
can grant regeneration spells.
225
00:09:55,279 --> 00:09:59,903
Wait. There is a 10th-level
wizard by the name of Marlin.
226
00:09:59,928 --> 00:10:03,051
Oh, yes! Marlin! He lives
out in the Wick of Bushes!
227
00:10:03,052 --> 00:10:04,112
You mean Bushwick?
228
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:08,680
The wizard Marlin possesses the
almighty Staff of Many Snakes.
229
00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:09,780
Yes.
230
00:10:09,781 --> 00:10:12,600
There isn't a whore in all of Quam
231
00:10:12,601 --> 00:10:15,681
that wouldn't fuck Marlin
for a glance at that staff.
232
00:10:17,108 --> 00:10:18,977
Why, what's so cool about it?
233
00:10:19,002 --> 00:10:22,031
The staff can not only
regenerate my testicles,
234
00:10:22,611 --> 00:10:25,710
but it can enhance the
abilities of every one of us.
235
00:10:25,711 --> 00:10:26,770
[sighs, snaps fingers]
236
00:10:26,771 --> 00:10:28,700
Okay, well, what are we waiting for?
237
00:10:28,701 --> 00:10:30,710
- We're off to see the wizard.
- Wait!
238
00:10:30,711 --> 00:10:32,487
239
00:10:32,487 --> 00:10:36,506
Only residents of Quam
may enter Marlin's temple.
240
00:10:36,508 --> 00:10:39,557
241
00:10:39,558 --> 00:10:41,627
You may now select at random
242
00:10:41,628 --> 00:10:43,598
your character cards.
243
00:10:45,829 --> 00:10:47,036
Just pick one, man.
244
00:10:48,933 --> 00:10:50,972
- Huh, some sort of a hunchback.
- [chuckles]
245
00:10:50,973 --> 00:10:53,863
Look again, Clyde. That is no hunch.
246
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,500
Oh, yeah. That's a sack of human heads.
247
00:10:58,525 --> 00:10:59,724
I'm to be a great warrior!
248
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:02,510
With the sharpest blade in all of Quam.
249
00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:03,980
Huzzah!
250
00:11:04,005 --> 00:11:06,425
- Ah!
- You shall henceforth be known
251
00:11:06,450 --> 00:11:08,539
as Leoclydis Newcastle.
252
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:10,499
253
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,549
Newcastle?
254
00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:14,429
That means you and I are...
255
00:11:14,430 --> 00:11:15,480
Brothers.
256
00:11:19,550 --> 00:11:21,550
[imitating instruments playing]
257
00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:25,390
When in Rome.
258
00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:30,459
Brother, I'd die for thee.
259
00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:32,499
And I for thee.
260
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:35,499
- Welcome, welcome, welcome!
- Okay, yay! My turn.
261
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,609
My turn.
262
00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:39,549
263
00:11:39,550 --> 00:11:42,579
Oh, shit, yeah. A centaur.
264
00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:45,469
- [laughing]
- Centaur!
265
00:11:45,470 --> 00:11:48,419
That means your mother
was fucked by a horse!
266
00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:50,769
- What?
- Go eat slop, horse-fucker!
267
00:11:50,794 --> 00:11:52,703
Whatever. Okay, let's just carry on
268
00:11:52,704 --> 00:11:53,763
with the fucking mission.
269
00:11:53,764 --> 00:11:55,438
You heard this abomination.
270
00:11:55,438 --> 00:11:57,447
- Load up!
- What?
271
00:11:57,448 --> 00:11:59,457
What are you doing? What the hell?! Ow!
272
00:11:59,458 --> 00:12:00,853
- What the f...
- Shut your mouth,
273
00:12:00,878 --> 00:12:02,417
you horse-fucker. Shut it.
274
00:12:02,418 --> 00:12:03,910
Shut... shut up!
275
00:12:05,348 --> 00:12:07,375
- To the Wick of Bushes!
- Ho!
276
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,348
Hold this. This is all I have.
277
00:12:09,348 --> 00:12:11,397
Go on. Get! [clicks tongue]
278
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,347
- Come on!
- Fuck.
279
00:12:14,348 --> 00:12:17,408
280
00:12:30,438 --> 00:12:32,347
[doorbell rings]
281
00:12:32,348 --> 00:12:33,557
Who goes there?
282
00:12:33,558 --> 00:12:38,080
It is I, Prince Lonathan
Newcastle, son of Stevelyn.
283
00:12:38,081 --> 00:12:42,145
The prince will not a king be
unless he answers these riddles three.
284
00:12:42,145 --> 00:12:44,582
Come on, man! It's freezing out here.
285
00:12:44,607 --> 00:12:45,747
My back hurts.
286
00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:51,151
All right. Come in.
Let me put on my shit.
287
00:12:55,537 --> 00:12:56,706
Guys?
288
00:12:56,707 --> 00:12:58,556
- [door closes]
- Fuck.
289
00:12:58,557 --> 00:13:00,667
290
00:13:02,647 --> 00:13:04,696
The Staff of Many
Snakes is in my locker,
291
00:13:04,697 --> 00:13:07,616
so this potion will
serve as a substitute.
292
00:13:07,617 --> 00:13:08,746
Really?
293
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,726
You guys are all okay with that?
294
00:13:10,727 --> 00:13:13,616
Well, Marlin is a 10th-level wizard.
295
00:13:13,617 --> 00:13:15,556
10th-level jizzard.
296
00:13:15,557 --> 00:13:18,547
[speaking foreign language]
297
00:13:27,597 --> 00:13:31,516
[laughing]
298
00:13:31,517 --> 00:13:32,596
It's a trap!
299
00:13:32,597 --> 00:13:34,258
Of course it was a trap, you fools.
300
00:13:34,259 --> 00:13:36,307
I pledged fealty to
King Jerryd last week.
301
00:13:36,309 --> 00:13:39,208
He's been watching this entire ceremony
302
00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:41,188
from inside the microwave.
303
00:13:41,189 --> 00:13:43,188
[laughing]
304
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:45,328
- Fuck.
- Curse you, Jerryd the Liar!
305
00:13:45,329 --> 00:13:47,418
Curse all of you, Newcastles!
306
00:13:47,419 --> 00:13:50,308
You should see the look
on your sniveling little...
307
00:13:50,309 --> 00:13:52,248
sorry, guys. Is there a way
308
00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:55,012
so I don't have to see
myself here in the corner?
309
00:13:55,037 --> 00:13:57,227
Push the... the button at the bottom.
310
00:13:57,229 --> 00:13:58,388
Oh, there it is. Can
you guys still see me?
311
00:13:58,389 --> 00:14:01,198
- Yeah.
- Okay, good.
312
00:14:01,199 --> 00:14:02,749
You pathetic half-wits!
313
00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:07,703
That potion you drank was not
regenerative, it was degenerative!
314
00:14:07,704 --> 00:14:10,793
- [groaning]
- I fucking hate myself!
315
00:14:10,794 --> 00:14:12,873
If you ever want to LARP again,
316
00:14:12,874 --> 00:14:15,873
you must pledge fealty to
me, King Jerryd the Liar,
317
00:14:15,874 --> 00:14:19,663
at Fortress Greene Park in one hour.
318
00:14:19,664 --> 00:14:21,723
Except for that foul centaur.
319
00:14:21,724 --> 00:14:25,331
I have no need for the spawn
of horse-fuckers in my kingdom.
320
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:26,499
All right, you know
what? Fuck this shit.
321
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:30,319
- I'm fucking out of here, man.
- [glass shatters]
322
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,419
Ow!
323
00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:32,499
If anyone can bring some water
324
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,349
and maybe some vitamin C tablets,
325
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:35,399
that'd be really great.
326
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:36,430
I got really dehydrated last time.
327
00:14:39,330 --> 00:14:41,349
Hello?
328
00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:44,319
Curator lady? It's Kevin Pacalioglu.
329
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,459
I'm here to hand in
my tender resignation.
330
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:47,489
- What news have you of Quam?
- [sighs]
331
00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:50,459
- Nothing great, Steve.
- [scoffs] Who's Steve?
332
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,359
Jerryd castrated Lonathan.
333
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,479
Then we all went to
visit Marlin the wizard,
334
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,429
who double-crossed
us, surprise, surprise.
335
00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:57,965
Now everyone is on their way
to surrender to the evil king.
336
00:14:57,966 --> 00:15:00,675
Surrender? Why dost thou not fight?
337
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,698
Even if I wanted to, which I don't,
338
00:15:02,699 --> 00:15:04,316
what chance in seven hells
339
00:15:04,316 --> 00:15:06,395
does a lowly centaur have
against Jerryd's army?
340
00:15:06,396 --> 00:15:08,445
- Son of a horse-fucker.
- That's it.
341
00:15:08,446 --> 00:15:11,725
- I'm out of here.
- You and only you,
342
00:15:11,750 --> 00:15:14,301
noble steed-man, can save the day.
343
00:15:14,301 --> 00:15:16,350
You just need the Staff of Many Snakes.
344
00:15:16,351 --> 00:15:18,490
Only a wizard can wield
the staff or whatever.
345
00:15:18,491 --> 00:15:20,500
The legend doesn't specify wizard.
346
00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:25,351
It merely says neither man nor beast.
347
00:15:27,351 --> 00:15:29,430
Yeah.
348
00:15:29,431 --> 00:15:31,311
I'm not totally there.
349
00:15:32,381 --> 00:15:34,976
A centaur, being half man...
350
00:15:37,291 --> 00:15:39,290
- and half horse...
- Is neither!
351
00:15:39,291 --> 00:15:41,420
Ride, horse-fucker, like the wind!
352
00:15:41,421 --> 00:15:43,380
- Yes!
- Oh!
353
00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:45,470
354
00:15:45,471 --> 00:15:48,500
[dogs barking]
355
00:15:48,501 --> 00:15:50,501
356
00:15:57,361 --> 00:16:01,270
[horns honking]
357
00:16:01,271 --> 00:16:03,340
[beeping]
358
00:16:03,341 --> 00:16:04,470
359
00:16:04,471 --> 00:16:07,430
Ride to the Palace of Isolation.
360
00:16:07,431 --> 00:16:09,400
[bell rings]
361
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:11,380
You must take the Staff of Many Snakes
362
00:16:11,381 --> 00:16:14,341
from the wizard Marlin
when he least expects it.
363
00:16:17,371 --> 00:16:19,440
Find a room for a dwarf,
364
00:16:19,441 --> 00:16:21,471
the 34th of such.
365
00:16:23,291 --> 00:16:25,321
You may need the Bar of Crow.
366
00:16:28,371 --> 00:16:30,340
[grunts]
367
00:16:30,341 --> 00:16:32,361
Looking for this?
368
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:38,267
Knights, I am sorry,
but I have failed ye.
369
00:16:38,371 --> 00:16:40,450
We have neither power nor testicles.
370
00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:43,046
The time for surrender is nigh.
371
00:16:43,078 --> 00:16:44,908
[spits]
372
00:16:47,748 --> 00:16:49,733
All right, Barry Potter...
373
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,310
[clatters]
374
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:52,450
Let's see what you're made of.
375
00:16:52,451 --> 00:16:55,280
- Come on.
- I summon the electricity
376
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,270
of Zeus. Lightning bolt,
377
00:16:57,271 --> 00:16:58,440
lightning bolt, lightning bolt!
378
00:16:58,441 --> 00:17:00,490
- What the hell?
- [imitates ricochets]
379
00:17:00,491 --> 00:17:03,360
Deflection! Shield attack!
380
00:17:03,361 --> 00:17:05,290
- [clangs]
- [grunts]
381
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:07,300
Ha! Nailed ya!
382
00:17:07,301 --> 00:17:09,460
[chuckles, panting]
383
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:12,350
Marlin?
384
00:17:12,351 --> 00:17:14,330
Hey, buddy.
385
00:17:14,331 --> 00:17:16,390
Taking a little sleep?
386
00:17:16,391 --> 00:17:19,280
- Seriously, are you okay?
- [bell rings]
387
00:17:19,281 --> 00:17:20,360
Oh, shit.
388
00:17:20,361 --> 00:17:22,350
Tradesies.
389
00:17:22,351 --> 00:17:24,480
You're gonna love that
shield, I guarantee it.
390
00:17:24,481 --> 00:17:28,061
Who is the most skilled
fighter in all of Quam?
391
00:17:28,061 --> 00:17:29,982
- You are.
- And who is the best
392
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:32,995
- at talking to females?
- You are.
393
00:17:32,996 --> 00:17:34,875
Indeed, I am.
394
00:17:34,876 --> 00:17:38,281
And do you pledge undying fealty to me?
395
00:17:38,459 --> 00:17:39,599
We do.
396
00:17:39,996 --> 00:17:42,035
I've changed my mind.
397
00:17:42,036 --> 00:17:43,985
He twice-crossed us again!
398
00:17:43,986 --> 00:17:45,615
Kill them! Kill them all!
399
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,679
Uh-uh, not so fast!
400
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,639
The Staff of Many Snakes!
401
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,699
Bingo!
402
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:52,729
You imbecilic barnyard creature!
403
00:17:52,730 --> 00:17:55,315
Only a wizard can wield the staff.
404
00:17:55,315 --> 00:17:57,324
Wrong, Jerryd! The wording says
405
00:17:57,325 --> 00:17:59,444
neither man nor beast.
406
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:03,374
Guess what, dickhead.
A centaur is neither!
407
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:06,080
Balderdash! If anything,
a centaur is both!
408
00:18:06,081 --> 00:18:07,614
Actually, uh, I think he's right.
409
00:18:07,615 --> 00:18:09,663
A centaur is a foul monstrosity
410
00:18:09,664 --> 00:18:11,593
- rejected by both communities.
- [sighs]
411
00:18:11,594 --> 00:18:14,623
Well, yes, but as a species the...
412
00:18:14,624 --> 00:18:16,673
the origin of the...
413
00:18:16,674 --> 00:18:18,523
You know what? Let's
consult the rule book
414
00:18:18,524 --> 00:18:19,553
'cause this is a head-scratcher.
415
00:18:19,554 --> 00:18:20,554
Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.
416
00:18:20,555 --> 00:18:21,633
What's that?
417
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,593
Someone help me with my bum.
418
00:18:23,594 --> 00:18:24,584
Guys?
419
00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:30,523
- Damn it.
- Yes!
420
00:18:30,524 --> 00:18:32,483
421
00:18:32,484 --> 00:18:33,593
Prince Lonathan,
422
00:18:33,594 --> 00:18:36,683
I give back to you your balls.
423
00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:39,693
Regeneration! [imitates electric surge]
424
00:18:39,694 --> 00:18:43,563
Yorba the Goblin-Slayer...
for you, the Golden Battle Axe.
425
00:18:43,564 --> 00:18:45,593
- [imitates electric surge]
- Oh!
426
00:18:45,594 --> 00:18:49,859
For you, the ability to,
like, uh, fly and shit.
427
00:18:49,884 --> 00:18:52,663
[imitates electric surge]
And for you, my friend,
428
00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:55,493
the ability to sleep through
the night without farting
429
00:18:55,494 --> 00:18:58,533
would be nice. [imitates electric surge]
430
00:18:58,534 --> 00:19:01,653
- [grunts] That felt good.
- [yelling]
431
00:19:03,049 --> 00:19:03,999
Shit!
432
00:19:04,047 --> 00:19:06,438
- Ah, shit.
- What of me, my lord?
433
00:19:06,584 --> 00:19:08,553
Invisibility. Ding!
434
00:19:08,554 --> 00:19:10,493
Oh, shit, Carol!
435
00:19:10,494 --> 00:19:12,473
- I'm right here.
- Carol, where'd you go?
436
00:19:12,474 --> 00:19:14,613
Carol? Get out of my face.
437
00:19:14,614 --> 00:19:17,484
[yelling]
438
00:19:31,097 --> 00:19:33,086
[laughing]
439
00:19:33,111 --> 00:19:35,260
[shrieking]
440
00:19:35,285 --> 00:19:37,154
Yeah!
441
00:19:37,504 --> 00:19:39,583
- [grunting]
- Not the same scared little boy
442
00:19:39,584 --> 00:19:41,663
you were when I slaughtered your father.
443
00:19:41,664 --> 00:19:44,613
[yelling]
444
00:19:44,614 --> 00:19:46,633
Jesus, that stings!
445
00:19:46,634 --> 00:19:49,141
Fuck! That really stings, man.
446
00:19:49,142 --> 00:19:50,161
Ow! Okay.
447
00:19:50,676 --> 00:19:51,855
I surrender, all right?
448
00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:56,426
- Whoo-hoo!
- Victory!
449
00:19:56,426 --> 00:19:58,364
Well done, centaur.
450
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,464
Lonathan will make a fair and just king.
451
00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:04,534
- Castration!
- Ah!
452
00:20:04,535 --> 00:20:09,374
- In time.
- Testicles!
453
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,554
- Farewell, centaur.
- Farewell, king.
454
00:20:11,555 --> 00:20:14,345
[sighs]
455
00:20:15,435 --> 00:20:17,494
- [crying]
- Anybody else want
456
00:20:17,495 --> 00:20:19,475
their nuts chopped off?
457
00:20:22,545 --> 00:20:24,544
- [laughing]
- And then...
458
00:20:24,545 --> 00:20:28,434
remember when I was like, "Castration!"
459
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:30,524
You... you've gotten so good, my lord.
460
00:20:30,525 --> 00:20:32,434
Remember when I gained invisibility
461
00:20:32,435 --> 00:20:34,474
- and I smoked that knight?
- An invisible
462
00:20:34,475 --> 00:20:36,514
necromancer knight. Now I've really
463
00:20:36,515 --> 00:20:38,404
borne witness to everything.
464
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,374
Remember where you got
the invisibility from?
465
00:20:40,375 --> 00:20:42,344
Will you shut your face, centaur?
466
00:20:42,345 --> 00:20:45,018
- Men are talking.
- Men without horses' asses.
467
00:20:45,019 --> 00:20:46,997
- [laughing]
- Nice, nice!
468
00:20:46,999 --> 00:20:48,098
- Me? I...
- Okay, okay, everyone.
469
00:20:48,099 --> 00:20:50,977
All right, all right. It's now time
470
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,914
to name our MVK, most valuable knight.
471
00:20:54,914 --> 00:20:58,913
Without his courage and bravery,
472
00:20:58,915 --> 00:21:00,874
we would have surely lost.
473
00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:03,764
The MVK goes to
474
00:21:03,765 --> 00:21:04,964
- Leoclydis.
- Oh!
475
00:21:04,965 --> 00:21:06,794
- I am just...
- Oh!
476
00:21:06,795 --> 00:21:08,844
- Oh, my God!
- You were outstanding.
477
00:21:08,845 --> 00:21:10,874
- My king, you're too kind!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
478
00:21:10,875 --> 00:21:12,874
You are too kind.
Much too kind, my king.
479
00:21:12,875 --> 00:21:14,794
Pac, come on. I'm kind
of being honored here.
480
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:16,735
Well, you kind of didn't do anything.
481
00:21:17,845 --> 00:21:19,904
You filthy beast. Go eat some hay!
482
00:21:19,905 --> 00:21:21,854
- Well said!
- Ha, that's good!
483
00:21:21,855 --> 00:21:24,743
- Huzzah! Huzzah!
- Thank you. Thank you.
484
00:21:24,744 --> 00:21:26,702
- Huzzah!
- [phone buzzes]
485
00:21:26,813 --> 00:21:28,625
_
486
00:21:28,765 --> 00:21:30,773
- Did you hear about Marlin?
- What about him?
487
00:21:30,774 --> 00:21:33,332
He's in the hospital. Apparently,
he got jumped at school.
488
00:21:33,357 --> 00:21:34,452
We should send a card.
489
00:21:34,453 --> 00:21:36,511
- I can calligraphy.
- Oh, really?
490
00:21:38,432 --> 00:21:48,721
_
491
00:21:50,648 --> 00:21:54,177
_
492
00:21:54,526 --> 00:21:57,366
493
00:22:01,259 --> 00:22:04,528
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
494
00:22:04,578 --> 00:22:09,128
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